SSEI | Chapter 3.11

“If you’re really upset, why don’t you try something? Maybe your skill could affect me too.”ce71ed360a9ff389

He hoped it wouldn’t affect him. Then he might die cleanly without arousing suspicion from that man! Yuan glared at the man, overwhelmed with sorrow.acd0b7c64cc219ff

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Maybe he was wrong to think this way. He didn’t trust that person just because he helped him regain some memories. He’s a really nasty guy. Why did he even try to trust someone who pointed a blade at his head three times? Maybe the Blue Dot was deceived in a similar way?305f5aabb2394d17

Yuan felt his d0a69940c9 brain melting from b022c83e42 the excitement and d211083f2e anger boiling inside 2918b9d86d his head. The heat burning outside 51864dc930 was too intense, but 741c7bb188 more than that, it 1914a20538 felt like an abnormal 5bcd329948 amount of emotion was f4036c6667 bubbling like lava inside ef21d6252e his skull.425f5737455fabec

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Even amidst 434e82d126 all this, 74b3d735fa his chest d01fe2fee8 and insides 9ac79b9643 felt strangely 7a16f1196d cold. It was as 7571b4a49c if all the 571aea2997 heat from outside 1d246b14d6 had been taken affa0f518c away.483a68da3a3ddbd2

‘I decided to side with you, but you won’t side with me? How could you do that?’f0bc11e39ba8ee89

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Even though he knew he shouldn’t have expected anything from the start, he felt disappointed and sullen. An extreme emptiness filled his chest, as if he was all alone. It was so cold and empty inside that he needed warmth, but his brain, already hot enough to burn, was taking all the heat away. This bizarre contradiction was completely wrecking his consciousness.fe00e59ad7f6bf35

‘I’m lonely.’0757a6ed68654b36

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Emotions that completely contradicted reason were eating away at Yuan’s insides. He was so tormented by loneliness that he had no reason to feel right now, it was bone-chilling. He wanted to just sit down and cry, or maybe cling and beg not to be like this.0d8d672fcfd246f6

‘Why am I like this?’858d30e54a424d19

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This isn’t a normal emotion. Even if he was betrayed (?), a person’s emotions shouldn’t swing to such extremes, a small piece of surviving reason whispered to Yuan amidst the chaos of his emotions.4ec36fc070dc207b

At that moment, a 8a21597102 faint realisation hit him. Could this 2a9e3e8891 be, is 08bf383613 this your 6740382260 aftereffect?bec3b3a09a56508b

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“What is it? Why are you looking at me like that… Wait, you.”a0cfb88f940bcb24

The other person seemed to realize something was off too. The man who had put Yuan down on the ground hesitated and touched his cheek. The heat from the surroundings was so intense that he couldn’t feel the warmth of his cheek, but the scar on Yuan’s cheek was burning hot enough to sting.e988d78eb395ffad

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Even though he realized that this emotion was the result of absorbing the other’s aftereffects, his heart showed no sign of calming down. No, it was rather stirring more violently, triggering impulses deep in his stomach.147d1f4530f13cd5

So it’s all your fault. It’s because of you that I feel so lonely. It was a correct statement, but there was something irrational about the conclusion that forcibly inflated and spread Yuan’s emotions.f307b71314c4b2fc

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Maybe that’s why Yuan found the man’s hand touching his cheek unbearably annoying.366cfc61f41eabb5

“You… Your aftereffect, it’s really funny.”e87a38296fd714e0

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Yuan grabbed that hand 98553eaa05 with all his strength. He felt 118c14548e an overwhelming 242e044723 resentment towards 3d5704da1c the man, fbb36c2271 yet the 78b1604297 lukewarm warmth cb7a0b2aee he felt 7cff6e85c5 from his bbe97eab53 fingertips stirred 60ee787d69 his heart. It felt more persistent 0c926fb9fc and stimulating than the 4368c80329 heat surrounding him.4b53ab6a06eac319

“What?”ed3e4891411a16df

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“It’s an aftereffect that makes you feel extremely lonely and sad. I thought it would be something like paralysis or a painful and agonizing poison like the Blue Dot. But it’s just making me want to whine to the person in front of me. It’s all your fault, what I’m feeling right now.”f6bcbe612591c16a

“How is it my fault that you want to whine by yourself? In the first place, my aftereffect isn’t that kind of…”af086d026a4cdfed

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“Don’t try to fool me, you liar! Now I know why you try to live alone without a partner. Every time you use the disaster, you cry and whine about being sad, so everyone gets fed up and runs away, right? So at some point, you got embarrassed and started killing from the beginning, didn’t you?”b517408b1118039f

“That’s never happened… No, before that. Could it be your skill is…”4fc942882df87ec8

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Oops, Yuan realized what he had said only after the fact. If he had kept his mouth shut, it wouldn’t have been discovered. A voice in a corner of his consciousness was reflecting on his mistake, but his heart, already dominated by overflowing emotions, couldn’t care about such trivial things.e75ff5550879fb8b

‘So, now that you’ve figured out what my skill is, are you going to abandon me? Is all that’s left for me to burn to death?’333679e59978d706

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His brain, completely lost to the aftereffects, was still throwing a nonsensical tantrum. Just like with Lork, you’re going to burn me to death. You’re going to sweep through my mind so I can’t remember anything and then leave me without a care. Only that fear filled his heart, preventing him from thinking straight.0933668556c10bdc

How could you just abandon someone like that? You might see me as just another wanderer among many, but from my perspective, you’re the person I’ve had the deepest connection with since I lost my memory and fell into this world. Even if I was killed by you every time.0f346a4e5bcd4028

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I really hate someone like you. But don’t leave me alone. I’m scared of you chasing me, but I’m even more scared if you’re not there. Even while struggling with the contradictory emotions brought by the aftereffects, Yuan curled up in fear of the pain of burning to death. And the emptiness of the ashes that would be left behind.ab9de4c7ac2e5f7a

But that childish imagination was quickly extinguished like cold water being poured over it. Something happened that was beyond the realm of what he could have imagined, something he couldn’t have dealt with even if he had held onto his reason properly.3fbaf231ad92edc0

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“…You.”3270ad18d0b0f689

No fierce flames or the Red Blade slicing through his neck came at him. Instead, the man’s two hands firmly grabbed Yuan’s head and pulled him close to his face.7baf341c52b979bf

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Their noses were almost touching. Their faces didn’t fully meet, but the faint breath of the other tickled Yuan’s skin. Yet, to Yuan, that breath felt hotter and more suffocating than the flames surrounding them.3414641155b2b044

“Huh, huh?”38c7c16778c5a930

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“I finally found you. That’s why I was drawn to you. How long have I been searching for this…!”499774bfe9583d50

Yuan met the man’s eyes directly. In his expression, in those eyes, there was a longing and excitement he had never seen before. It was the first time a turbulent emotion appeared on a face that was always calm and indifferent like a lakeside.3a37d3b66bbd5a6e

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“No doubt about it. It’s you, right? Yeah, it must be. I finally found you.”d9cfd30e82b304a2

“What, what are you going to do now that you’ve found me? Are you going to use me like some kind of totem to absorb your aftereffects again?”4ed37a2ff1e3db2b

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“So you were absorbing my aftereffects, huh? The form might be a bit different, but the way of interpreting aftereffects varies from person to person anyway!”bd99dfbb76104d84

The voice was so filled with emotion that it was hard to tell who was crazy from the aftereffects and who was sane. It sounded more like a beast’s howl than a human voice. Yuan felt a chill down his spine. Maybe it was an unfounded fear that he might be devoured by this man at any moment…b21776ffd22b775f

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At the same 4e13a6b2ed time, the realization bf0e68b4a1 that this man 38bff07ffc needed him hit 53a0c08977 him. The little fd2e0b4cc9 reason he 3c445dc446 had left 77978d2e71 was shouting 984f5a1ae1 fear, while eeb55ecc79 the still fca55f92e4 rampant aftereffects c7a180e222 were screaming 53229b71d6 relief and 6207502ba0 excitement.8c075ee16b163603

“Y-yeah, this is all because of you. It’s because of you that I ended up like this. And don’t make lame excuses. You’re just trying to escape with talk of interpretation or whatever!”d7ccf87eaac1ef3b

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Different ways of interpreting, 3bf468d647 huh? Is he saying he fc20cf433d criticizes with sophisticated vocabulary c9bbc3e87e instead of whining? Yuan, feeling 6904c638a4 indignant, raised 0aaac19d6e his hands 73db022de5 to mimic bfddcefb08 the man 4e73757aa5 and grabbed 7da6b5d0be his face.cb0a1e3dab5420b6

He wanted 61b06eac26 to shut 2f39998c55 that annoying 4b30123459 mouth, to 5303a820fd stop the 6827ba77cd nonsense and 9b03b5f9a8 the tickling 905a9b1187 warmth of 0391cfb093 his breath. No, he was 7bc1629d7f actually confused if 15c0cf3fb5 he really wanted 48547bf120 to shut his a45cd7018d mouth. He just e296006fa1 wanted to de4011acd4 touch the 61d6d1c495 other person.b10e535fba0d7def

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Yes, Yuan actually wanted dc4ce281ba to touch the man. The baseless loneliness and 1af34594a8 sorrow, the desire to cdcad5ac67 shut his mouth, might c15689033b fundamentally have been just e9031fd205 an excuse to touch a6fe7eddda him.022fcbc29718a5ed

He didn’t know where he wanted to touch or what exactly he wanted to do. He just thought that if he touched the other person, he could somehow fill the empty feeling inside. Compared to the surrounding heat, it was lukewarm at best, but he needed that ambiguous yet intense warmth that only a living person could give.9b936ff9b985da80

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“I don’t know. I-I don’t know anything. Anyway, this is all your fault. You have to take responsibility. Don’t kill me again, don’t leave me alone…”a3acc70bc909406b

The scar on his 4d1180a55a cheek burned hotter and 2bae484733 hotter, as if his c83b0d6c85 brain was melting. His brain, unable to 1061a1add3 form proper language, could a539b7ff8a only spit out a 771294c734 string of words that 2fba0637b5 barely qualified as sentences.9ec7e70ef32b4ca9

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He grabbed the man’s collar and struggled to press their skin together. He knew, unconsciously, that it was an act of taking something from the other, an act that might be harmless to him but extremely dangerous to the other.47528be646dad16d

“Fine, you can say it’s all my fault. If you really have what I want, then it’s okay to say it’s all my fault…!”ea1fb601930fe596

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“Shut up. It’s not just saying it’s your fault, it really is all your fault. Don’t pretend to be generous. Shut your mouth. I hate this mouth. Nasty mouth. Nasty human.”2dbb94a454118f99

Surely, in terms of strength alone, Yuan couldn’t possibly overpower the man, but the man seemed to be losing strength, staggering and then collapsing. Yuan instinctively knew he was absorbing something from the man. Something that temporarily filled his cold, empty inside, the fuel needed to emit a light that could burn anything.b732546cf2d1a352

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‘More, just a little more.’19bc09f6f8913d28

Yuan pinned the man down and climbed on top of him. Thinking he could absorb more fuel by touching skin, he tried to take off the man’s clothes, but the structure of these clothes was so complicated that they wouldn’t come off easily.32886463dae7ecb2

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At this point, it wasn’t just about taking off clothes; it was more like pressing hands firmly against the chest. The fact that his chest muscles were quite thick and unnecessarily pleasant to the touch only added to the annoyance.7a9c1b13aa541557

“Your actions are quite clumsy. I thought you’d know the basics since you said you had a lover.”efd17020ddeb299e

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This guy, despite being unable to use his strength and lying down, was mocking Yuan. Feeling bad about it, Yuan struggled with the clothes, and the man, using his last bit of strength, reached out and pulled Yuan’s face closer.649618e6c34b73fe

“Learn the method. I’ll teach you.”adfcc76895d1f99e

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“…!”64f7ac503f3c217b

“I feel sorry for the one you call your lover, but if that’s really your specialty… you’ll be doing it often from now on.”fcb4cda9de28f4bf

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As soon as 5603db344d he finished speaking, b53a39f356 the man lifted 6bafe897a5 his head and b979236099 kissed Yuan. At that moment, Yuan 53aaf975f2 felt an intense heat 95def1b7a9 flowing down his throat.ddc8669091ded037