CMT Ch28

The first emotion Seoyoon felt was regret. He should have just worn the clothes he gave him instead of worrying about it. Compared to the other man’s sharply tailored suit, his white t-shirt and jeans felt too careless. The moment he almost burst into tears when he said he would come all the way here to see him, the feeling of wanting to rely on his kind voice that soothed Seoyoon like a real lover felt so distant. The Kwon Kijung he faced was still a difficult and challenging person to deal with.

“…Hello.”

At his awkward greeting, Kijung chuckled as if he had been holding it in.

“Good greeting. Has it been about four hours since we parted ways?”

“Still, the date has changed… Thank you for coming. Were you at the office?”

“When you called. I was already wrapping up to leave work anyway. Does Seoyoon-ssi usually go to bed this late?”

“No, I tried to go to bed early, but I woke up in the middle and couldn’t fall back asleep until this hour. I’m closer to being a night owl, but I have to sleep to go to work tomorrow anyway.”

Kijung stared intently at Seoyoon without losing his smile. Until Seoyoon, feeling awkward for having answered for too long again, slowly averted his gaze and slightly lowered his head. As their eyes met, Kijung finally opened his mouth.

“Looking at you like this, you still seem like a student. Come to think of it, you still have friends who haven’t graduated yet, right?”

“Not many, but there are a few.”

“I didn’t think a five-year difference was that big…”

His hand came closer and stroked the back of Seoyoon’s neck. The touch on his bare skin was soft and his body temperature was warm, but it felt chilling every time it touched him. He used his fingertips to pull the leather necklace out of his t-shirt to check it, and then he looked satisfied.

“I was going to punish you if you forgot to bring it.”

“Actually… I remembered right before I came out, so I put it on in a hurry.”

“It takes time for anything to become a habit.”

He had one more item to check. The scars on his body, and the necklace. Just a few hours ago, he had felt humiliated and depressed while being examined, but seeing him satisfied after checking his necklace made him feel a little proud. Like when he received a simple compliment after completing an assignment without forgetting.

People’s feelings were so unpredictable. He gave a bitter smile inwardly, and Kijung tilted his head slightly closer and asked.

“I heard you got hurt.”

“It’s nothing. I accidentally broke a cup and cut my hand a little while cleaning it up.”

“Let me see.”

It was such a small wound that he would have been embarrassed to whine about it. The situation and emotions that had swelled up like long shadows when he was only talking on the phone in the dark became insignificant when everything became clear under the light.

But it was too late to turn back. Seoyoon endured his embarrassment and held out his hand to him.

“Come closer. So I can see it well.”

The cut was covered with a disposable bandage, so the trace of the cut was not visible, but just looking at the way it was sufficiently covered by a small bandage, he could tell it was a minor wound. Kijung grabbed Seoyoon’s wrist and shook it lightly, asking him reproachfully.

“You remember what I said about not liking scratches that I didn’t make, right?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hurt myself on purpose.”

He remembered it well. If it hadn’t been for his warning, the wound would have long exceeded the area covered by the disposable bandage. The veins on his forearm, where the scars had faded with constant application of medicine, would have been chaotically covered with blood vessels like a weedy field, and if that had happened, he wouldn’t have dared to make the excuse of an accident.

Kwon Kijung quietly looked down at his injured hand, then raised his gaze to meet his face. It was too close to avoid his eyes. This time, his hand came to the vicinity of his cheek. He brushed back his hair and joked.

“Your hair is still a little damp. Did you shower before coming out?”

“…I woke up in the middle of the night and was too disheveled. I also sweated a bit while cleaning up the glass.”

“What were you expecting that you even took a shower in a hurry?”

“It’s not like that.”

But the smile that had been on Kijung’s face as he teased him quickly disappeared. He lightly stroked one side of his cheek and asked.

“You’re hurt here too, didn’t you know?”

Although he had turned on the ceiling lamp, the car was not very bright. He never thought he would be caught so easily with a wound that he only discovered when he stood close to the mirror.

While surprised by his keen eyes, Seoyoon tried to answer as if it were nothing.

“It was just a slight scratch… I only found out right before I came out.”

“How do you have to break a cup for glass to fly to your face?”

His tone was questioning. Seoyoon quickly explained.

“I dropped it on the inside of the sink.”

Hmm. Kijung made a low humming sound as if he wasn’t quite convinced. Seoyoon followed his meticulous gaze as he examined his cheek, and then he mustered up the courage to ask what he had been wondering.

“Director… How did you know I was hurt?”

“If you suddenly wanted to be in pain in the middle of the night, you would have drawn blood.”

It was a simple and clear answer. Am I wrong? He sent a look as if asking that.

“You’re only satisfied when you see blood properly. Han Seoyoon.”

It was a casual tone as if he were saying something obvious, but Seoyoon was speechless. He had to deny it, but his voice seemed to be caught in his throat.

“That’s not, no…”

The voice that barely came out was terribly shaky and lost its strength at the end. Why was his shameless mouth, which had been so good at spouting lies, suddenly so flustered? As if he had been hit right on the mark.

Seoyoon resented himself for not being able to stand firm in front of Kwon Kijung every time. Kijung stroked Seoyoon’s pale cheek and continued to speak gently.

“There are people like us who prefer a play called cutting. A very small number, though.”

“…..”

“It’s a play in the literal sense. Seoyoon-ssi might like it, but I don’t like methods that leave lasting scars on the body.”

“What I did… wasn’t a play. It wasn’t a game either…”

Seoyoon stammered in protest like an aggrieved person. Kwon Kijung had asked him from the first day why he was hurting himself. He had explained that he didn’t do it because he liked it, but only as a way to relieve his pain, so Seoyoon believed that he understood him at least in part.

He knew that a busy man wouldn’t have come all the way here to comfort him, but what was he hoping for when he greeted him so happily? He had never explained why he was in pain, so he couldn’t comfort him even if he wanted to. In his eyes, he was just the type of person who accidentally broke a cup and scratched his finger, triggering a bad habit that he had been holding back, and wanted to hurt himself and be satisfied by seeing blood. He couldn’t blame Kwon Kijung for the misunderstanding he had created himself.

“I know.”

But Seoyoon raised his lowered gaze at Kijung’s words as he cupped his cheek.

“I didn’t mean to criticize you. You held back from wanting to see blood and called me as I told you to, so you should be praised for that.”

“……”

“I’m not saying that what Seoyoon-ssi did was a game. I’m sorry if it sounded like that. But didn’t you say so yourself? That you feel better when you get hurt and see blood.”

Seoyoon, who had been listening quietly, nodded weakly. It was definitely what he had said, and it wasn’t wrong either.

“You weren’t feeling better just from accidentally cutting your finger, so you called me.”

His voice became even lower. Seoyoon shrugged his shoulders slightly, feeling like the inside of his ear was trembling even though it was a small voice as if he were whispering.

“Because you wanted to hurt more… Isn’t that right?”

It was a tone as if he were coaxing a child. A gentle attitude as if he were saying that he understood him, and the sensation of his fingertips stroking his cheek and tickling under his chin made Seoyoon want to collapse helplessly.

“Answer me.”

His face came closer and gently bit his earlobe. The firm teeth dug into his tender flesh, and a tingling sensation ran down his spine. The car, which had been neither cold nor hot, suddenly felt stuffy and humid.

“Hng… Tha, at’s right…”

But the grip that bit his ear was far too weak to hurt Seoyoon. Long fingers brushed the scalp and nape of his neck. Rather than pain, Seoyoon was first overwhelmed by the thick, suffocating feeling he had felt on the first night when he overlapped with him, which made his body hot and his vision dizzy.

[To be continued in Volume 2.]