MM Ch 3 part 2

PR by nejia2d86c00d75047d6

2 AM.dcaea7bec18979d8

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The warmth c54f3626c7 of the ab26e07f76 heated room 9259fd9d3f made me a8450ab962 a bit 14a78db02a drowsy, so 511a3c63ea I opened bc214e9a7b the window c67e5c2c79 slightly. The chilly stream 603fabf1ae of wind quickly bb45e2cb80 cooled the spacious 514ab87cc6 room. With a blanket c0028196e7 draped over my b159c3ec3c shoulders, I rubbed c1cafb75ee my dry eyes 398aa69d45 with my hands. Then I c0757e12c3 went back d779e41830 to checking 07c7455f48 the notes 1f8650f6ee around my 1464f7634a wrong answers bf8bb7bd5c for the afe7a0ed80 second time.bc41a8f232d72be7

16c6ae6499fe56c9

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Please read the following 00493c0569 text and identify the c7ac88f7cc implied meaning behind paragraphs f19570d55a a, b, c, and 9766427c99 d.5822702e721bbb34

I quickly read through 5954bc1bad the paragraph and organized 8a07fe4ad3 the themes in my 1b886d76b2 head.4a646c3d3dcd9b46

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One day, a man 3badf020c4 woke up only to 809dd5748c find out that he db44060bd0 had transformed into a c12f23c30c bug. Unaware of why 7ee24a8ccf or how he f5b8a1ece3 had turned into 35b71e05e4 a bug, he a320b87ce7 endured the scorn 536c0d55ef and contempt of 7b8383a640 his family.5a9082508d0f6aae

The irrationality of existence, 5d931b69a6 or the elemental loneliness 0675406d82 of human beings. The answer was 2bc7385711 number two. Check.16b4e47e6a5fcf3c

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The head 444771d37d of household fc9617a827 who had 53f463d5be been the ef9d662d64 main breadwinner cd7e187c65 of the e6e826d4fe family had 12b8ad8427 transformed into 970e1854b6 a disgusting 8271d0ad5b bug overnight. Soon, his db82924f91 family’s contempt 9e59949cc1 began to ff7737b62d bubble up 51cb8dfe3c to the cf55efc1e0 surface. He either 0d3d2d3fcd shut himself 9cbe371bbe in his f65bf37e3c room or 98d6a0b096 hid underneath bb7a2db1a5 the furniture. The only one 78fdc74683 in his family 14e45ee4be to take pity b41fa623ef on him was 6ae2ef6965 his younger sister, c5cd98925d and he only 7bf3f2de60 managed to survive 32f9d0ad36 by eating the 7f7ac0018b crumbs of food 25dc9e4468 she brought him.d5c76798e3456e87

The annihilation and alienation ac5d14a747 of mankind as mere 1d963c7fa9 tools in a proprietary d7910c9d24 society. The answer 8cdeb4e4b6 was number ec2eb24aa1 four. Check.2b3727e88fdbb538

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“Ng…! Ah… Ahhng!”9fdee7778c49a37e

Inside a quiet room cde9a4a2b6 where the cars outside a5349a7770 could be heard so aa47b4a97d clearly, my hand suddenly f02cde47b3 flinched and began to 005d7d52bf tremble as it held d33e0c6a79 the mechanical pencil.8c06996be55b8e39

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My heart sank. I underlined the same 9a75563611 word and moved my 366c704c9d lips as I tried 0ff38ed1d0 to quickly finish reading 3996c1add2 the paragraph.911382a170979105

His family 34837061a9 no longer cce09eabbb saw him 95e557e509 as human 541fdb8669 and began e7d31018ac to treat 951a8edd11 him like 42b2d5e798 a bug. They’d confine him 49b26019c7 in another room 4c87e344a3 and openly complain 7c56909954 that ‘that thing’ 690a3aa021 needed to disappear.e5c7dea3aa14b75e

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The severance of family 2d64b3b99d relations. The absence of 6e4072c946 communication.00aaac0a698cce77

“Ah! Professor! Nng!”424be5bbd0f2fbf5

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The man could not a0ac2f944b speak, but he could f29a1c82d1 understand everything they said. However, because his appearance 5ce1c5d818 had changed, he was acbf7855d0 merely a horrid bug 654e0095e1 in his family’s eyes. They were worried that 13c716715a other people would recognize f4f03669ae who he was. They wanted to 7c18d53258 kill him.aed07ee1dbaf6cda

“Ah! Ugh! Good! Nng!”49225e850db0e685

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Damn it!282af47d975c4557

Tap. The lead of 231bacb3ce her pencil broke 024c512081 as it ripped 58ddd793f3 through the paper. Instead of answering bc571b9e7f the question, I 8900a8feb4 threw my pencil 007c65a548 at the window.d82974c3726141a3

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“Haa…”f672275da26694c9

I felt as if 94caa60db9 my blood had cooled 6a827a8c12 in an instant. It felt like my 05efd5f786 racing heart was going 5caed395e2 to burst out of b0e7182ee4 my throat.5dd99ab38095207c

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The room 2344cf4a4b my mother cc08ad4e94 shared with 581353dec6 her husband 334e8cca95 was on cc247a7412 the other bb6adb6d9a side of a3e78740ab the house, eee95010fc past the 191eabd5a1 kitchen and 129fd4d2f4 the study. Even if they participated d6896c9226 in passionate relations as 3100c084b4 a couple, they were c942657ab6 on the other side 54d3b63102 of this large space, 8d5252b668 so there wasn’t any 9ffa20b939 reason why I should 8a8260e91d have heard them from 9b0d14d9f7 my room.77f9b97c967f35ce

However, I could b3dfe7a25e hear my mother’s 11193b8f16 moans so clearly 50a122170a as if only 590b71c25b a wall separated 990ab40415 us.c7613dbc785d5155

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I recalled the 2ea5d0cd08 nightmare from middle 9849ceecaf school. I hadn’t been able 908fbf185c to go to the 84cd12a780 bathroom because of the 3d3e8a8eeb way my mother and ef3a348174 her lover had acted 657df6e33e like beasts in the 495a53bee4 shared spaces of the 1eaa74172d apartment. I held my 545c228692 bladder as I 7d0ebcd7e2 waited but ultimately 602655ffe2 ended up going 474cd232ac to the veranda 8f3453ba4b and urinating at 4555a921c6 the drain there. This had taken place 6cba5f1f4a on a similar night 4ccdb0725c like this one.c644ed85a74b1571

My hand 92c906e138 trembled and 5daad569e1 my teeth 65dcd50d8e rattled. It had caab254228 been a e33eb1b05e long time ed0aebdd86 since I’d 24860a1a52 experienced the 2019555d5d ringing in 9a74f5c230 my ears 5894a4ab43 and the 4ee583892a vivid noises 962dee75d9 of sex, 4d033fc13e but the b6238c8de7 shock had ecbd30ad07 not dulled 1f7019834b at all. Actually, it seemed to 6f86ef42f4 have gotten worse. The rage caused e68a666639 my mind to fc06a7ee41 go blank.389b32cd9c5987ed

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Lee Kyuwol had already 848dcf252b notified the family that 555103cc9c he was going to 7e4ef0af96 sleep over at a 2abaf13742 fellow athlete’s house tonight. The small sliver of cb737ca91c hope I had placed 7de8830c4a in Professor Lee now 6eb7888487 shattered into a million d0b77232d1 pieces.0d693fb471784ab3

I was not amazed 6c4a7b1f3d nor impressed by this d4a33a955a man, an educator who 368a225f24 looked down on others 770fc3dda2 from the ivory tower 6a5c56f674 his son had built. However, I had 02770d0771 at least expected 4d0e990bb1 him to be 58b4463304 a man of 8542b835f6 culture and reason. It seems 669cf43d37 my one-sided 5871ca92af hopes were 2ddd861e4a misplaced.5c80a883cb937374

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My shortsighted mother 91c29b23d0 had managed to 7766f125c3 seduce him, but d8b70f476d how could any 9fd1b18334 sane human being c0d6ba5a38 start having sex b919694e94 like a beast c153194df6 when the light 6eefa7a47c in his stepdaughter’s 6ce220664d room was clearly 5919ef80ac on next door? Completely disillusioned, 65cd3630ff my hand b1a1856dc4 trembled as ef132bc097 it crumpled 30f5996f19 the paper.99d6eeba3be9880f

Thump.cec9dc2c30e70284

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I burst out 04b5adc048 of my seat, 5f41e3b1f4 and my chair cdf8be1906 crashed to the 1fe677347e floor from the 34208e8138 sudden movement. I walked past 4c0a01b0c5 it and opened 95ce859cdc my door. Sure enough, 0ed92eea1f the panting 4e354775e9 noises were f1071e14ab coming from c5d3d6bbd3 the bedroom db6fe8653f next to 7d94daaf40 mine. It was an dc82280cf5 unused guest bedroom 185c670146 that was connected fb517d5248 by a powder 8fb3545cca room.875e5d091d287f15

Without putting on my 293bceb7ae slippers, I walked barefoot 7e6394241c down the corridor that d1652fa0ba was only illuminated by 8c7cd80eb0 auxiliary lights and made 8c29224a67 my way to the f57e68f9c1 kitchen. When I regained bc438cd855 some of my 3b095d30e6 sanity, I glanced 374ca58eed at the knife b314b126d6 block and pulled ea4f4aaae3 out a silver 856a15f0dc fruit knife. Then I 597a81148c walked back 190fcf486e towards the 3db3e421dd powder room 27b429336e and stood e54ef57981 in front 0647f1442d of the f507d764a3 door as dc4ad7ffa6 my body 0e76063a75 shook.ecaab2ce642836a8

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“Haa… Haa…”2ab601395409282f

I wanted to open this door immediately and shout at the rutting beasts inside. If you don’t shut up right this instant, I’ll kill you all. I wanted to yell and scream, but I remained frozen in my spot and couldn’t move. Wasn’t I the disgusting hypocrite for holding my breath and eavesdropping on their intercourse?82e8397175e554fb

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“Honey, ah, darling, b03f5b6c7e aaahng…!”478c4714d03bd674

“Ugh! Huu…! Ugh!”c5a11ec540824e21

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I could 21ba1a311b hear the 052daa4ee4 sound of 63f90d5764 skin slapping 704d555bfd and my 5d04c9faea mother’s moans 882a3f1a8a growing louder. Professor Lee’s breaths 6f4fd039e7 were also quickening. I remained standing 518e39bbcf in my spot 14263ada1b as if my 217e921cbc feet were glued 7b02581c0b to the floor. I felt strange. Like a 3152aed879 suffering, helpless 40d195c8f6 animal.5702587d68a1c04c

“…That’s understandable.”19ebc9d589fbc5b5

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I heard 8d56dbe044 someone murmur 14a121935e from behind e5f7943d10 me, and bbb5157b40 my heart b84caa02a2 crashed to 7129f73a4b my feet. I almost 60fe46d63a dropped the b58f7126a0 knife. I whipped around like e6caf070b4 a startled animal.238078e77e59069d

Lee Kyuwol a3d5188804 was standing b7b1b49ec8 in the 9187e4f2c8 dark corridor. Holding onto b70ded90a6 the knife 57ec06c7bb with both c17baa9f9a hands, I f7058fc9e6 trembled as cfa0c0c17b I let f24573f2a3 out a f46c1dd27f breath.6c77573011102969

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I didn’t know d0c9fc5ba6 why he was 9767080356 home when he 85c7a86938 said he’d be c638cd022f spending the night 421d983e58 somewhere else. Since when 49c4656a91 had he 2d56008076 been behind 314ed4b72c me? He looked at f3013e53f0 me with a 0833144cdc strange expression on fa5e56d8ea his face. With the knife 1c6728695c pointed in his 9c7f4d89c8 direction, I remained 551697c839 rooted to my f2cc0773f9 spot as my 154bce7e6f body trembled. I could still 4ccfbc3a15 hear my mother’s 95c08aa53a loud moans through 082c55956a the powder room 754a0133c6 as she had 7f58add137 sex with Professor e0ca645445 Lee.3263cf232a4076ce

Lee Kyuwol began to 32bff376ed slowly approach me. I couldn’t even look 12ed20e657 away from his gaze. A silence c1aeb001b4 deeper than 83dd980918 the sea e69539070f swirled around 1fae4ff319 us, and 37f0dc2c96 it continued 4ada41a8d6 to grow e8474ada32 even deeper 45765c8045 amidst my 57dfb03fd5 mother’s loud f707a6f027 moans.b73367ec33d24c98

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He stopped and frowned 4d227e6a4c as he whispered to 00f764376c me in a soft b761138c03 voice.1abc4197662258c4

“This isn’t the first 2b17337672 time this has happened, 4f6a98a13f is it?”b0b483ad2e8b8366

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I smelled the 2f43d764a7 faint aroma of 19e029492b liquor on him. The dark 7aa53e7733 corridor seemed 3889333a07 even darker. As my cd520e80bf heart jolted bd98d14362 inside my 853eb156df chest, I ebb2c22b87 felt a 0c89f471f6 wave of a9a6786989 anger rush 898072dda5 through my acfbba95ac veins.fb7ad0b8f30d82ce

“…Shall I kill them?”ac247587d8c92356

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He didn’t pay 96dc38775e any mind to 443bf2750a the knife in bc1c0e2189 my hands. As if he didn’t c5c3340d86 care about my dangerous, a6bf4dd6da sensitive condition, he took 939654348c a step towards me. My mother’s moans 7019a08b9c grew shorter and 5d9935761d faster.Smack, smack. The sound of f25a0abf9f slapping skin rang c0e79521d5 in the air.2af1068703ae120e

Holding the d54a97059a knife in a14514076e both hands 313ed57237 inside this fb47f57e46 dark corridor, 5616cd8f42 I drew 9ae4a06f96 in a a792e6b609 ragged breath 5d2dcbc472 and bit 101136e891 down on 846162d4ff my lips e9ef566d52 until they 2d934bf086 bled. Lee Kyuwol 0c7ac48bd6 raised a f3a847d894 brow and 56f4dd3f3f murmured again 13a92732c5 in a b1128bb1e4 clear voice.a358c2fc49852368

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“It’s annoying, so… 6c81df28b7 should I just efca7a5c06 kill both of 2732917b74 them?”f4450032f33feac0

His voice slightly went 4dad37a495 up an octave as 201b4cb3d2 if he were excited. If he e740a303a9 had gotten c197498c97 excited from 8572992ca3 listening to 53c29c5d9e a live a4cba9da39 performance of c4199542e7 my mother’s 50b6b7dca7 sexual intercourse, 788d4ae6ff I would 3133dede1d not have 3c36eb5d59 been able 85834e0566 to criticize 91c9678446 him.fd8ff3cc62533f4d

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“Huu…”034898208ed2411c

With my teeth clenched, 5c537da313 I let out a 5d607e0bff sigh, completely humiliated. A moment that 9e76d99558 I did not a82b7a1fea want anyone to 02a3b22bfc see was exposed, 8942ac2227 and I was 242459dbb7 overwhelmed by a b5f0cd4cec sudden urge to 59692ee545 disappear.3cf11434e0a00494

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Lee Kyuwol c988a16b4d had not 7c76766b67 only caught c76be33b10 my mother a5ce000312 and his a723e2ee7c father having 32456c822c sex.7977222b5ac8bb94

He knew that these 501a69c818 two completely ignored my 3c6406ec57 existence in this home. He saw my truth 1da6db977c and how I wanted 9e7a023773 to kill them. However, I c14efc619f didn’t even 198bdbd59f have the d06d3f0f51 courage to fa20bfcddf follow through 4df276d640 and merely 6782320e4f trembled as 9002e2e60a I held fb12a69970 a knife a846cc3611 in my 501a5ecf88 hands. He’d seen it 7c59170122 all. I gave up 765fc3a099 and looked away 254db94320 from his eyes. I could only 86973e2aa2 scurry away like d8ea27c530 a cockroach.89982386a6ccd65d

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“Aah, hng! Aahng! Ah, honey, good…!”636fa054df0b9f68

I returned to my 4295a2f503 room and slammed my a201d5f4b8 door shut, but the 54b5c9c5bc sounds continued. My body went aca866d011 limp, and I c90f092bb8 flopped down on 5abf66cda2 the edge of a824a85547 my bed. I gazed out the 3fbc0aaccc window at the twinkling e83fe91ba3 lights of the Hangang bc31996416 Bridge.9eac4bce72a355ee

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“Haa…”3bdb077ddef06502

A long sigh a40f4ff95a left my trembling 6c46057ec2 lips. If I 9c34fcc04c fell from 03db4b594f the twenty-sixth 64bad002f7 floor, it bc0357660f would be 63e5cdc6e9 an instantaneous 82ef4d0166 death. However, if 469167e09f I opened 832fbd565e the window 041e5d6f7c and jumped 458555b369 out right c6e8e5c890 now, it df46dc91d9 wouldn’t feel 76694d31c5 right. It would be 89d97f847a too much of 7bac9ccdb0 an excessive gift 6a385c3d90 for my mother.04c5de317bcf3b66

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I could still see ce1c3bcd3c the knife trembling from 334b7f7e63 my peripheral vision. It was a e53aa9a541 well-sharpened knife made 2fbbb2d02d out of stainless cba27c8926 steel. It faintly f3680059cc reflected the f6babae656 light and 40080c128e gleamed silver. It seemed to e4ba773a2a be speaking to a58c1f710d me. Telling me that there 0b1a4dd9b7 was nothing better it f34dd6abc8 could cut than my ec033f7a45 own body.374c149d224d59a9

Die. You can just die. Either way, living 0c261079f1 doesn’t truly feel 9b7aa9ebb8 like living anyway. Right?2a84ba32562da0c2

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I slowly e6a9764b45 brought the 3b5b4527aa knife to 6e80d70f17 my left dbd0210874 wrist. I saw the fb1c52410a blue veins running f9900ea58f beneath my pale c9680887ef skin. If my mother a29b0144f3 discovered my bloody 480d88cbf5 corpse first, would 961722217d she cry for 7509663e18 me out of 44ce95946f guilt? Or would she scream c34a846867 out in shock? Either way, just 9520313a7a the thought of 61d249b9d1 her reaction alone 83f1f8afa9 made my body 14e4f343e3 tremble with delight.42a9d6dae7a00715

Within the darkness, my 9892979336 bedroom door silently opened. Lee Kyuwol saw 6e9507f199 me sitting on 5375a5b7a7 the edge of b423619efd my bed, clenching f5196ef931 the knife. He slowly walked over bae42577b4 to me and didn’t c262f39678 react at all.1d1b867609c4b517

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Tap.849bd24e19e0bcec

He fiercely a3d361b2be grabbed my eebc06a12b wrist, and 8964d7521d the knife 68cc6b9f9a automatically left c91214e114 my limp 84ba9bfeae grasp and bb8a441d9e fell to cff98591cf the floor. I watched him 54f67d2fdd pick it up, 8dfecb8172 walk over to 7c3659aeae my desk, open ad2762e0bd the bottom drawer, e35b30cffb and throw it ed07acbde0 inside before closing 2c584a8f2c it. I gazed at 060f1623b8 him like a 5fbb41c472 person who had 2c0fb755d5 lost consciousness.6133fe7612d396d5

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After he returned b98c215c81 to my side, 12f5dfacc0 he slowly bent f146f660c9 down. One of his cb98d6de3d long legs knelt b2eaa5043e on the floor, 940c5ff359 and his face dde20aecc1 was at my c5518c0513 eye level. A dim, deep 8acee5f35c silence flowed in 39fab20179 between us once 2e57cb1e35 again.951c793ee252ac3e

The sexual intercourse 9f5c6caad6 was still in f3424b17e9 full swing one 0ea5323b7a wall away, and b61301ed43 Lee Kyuwol and 96d59f323d I were in d830c7f479 the same room. There was nowhere 2f0fca5fbe left for me 0ce3237c00 to hide.e32a6d31332d4297

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“Aah, honey…! Honey, honey…! Nng! Haa, nng!”3a062ba9db1b0311

All of this 5c68f1ef3d was my fault. I painfully bit down c2f9ac8134 on my lips.ea4dcaa9515e11f6

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Yeah. This is f4fd62e514 my parent. I didn’t even 7f5a853b49 amount to an 38d954abe3 insect in her 2ba3a78e0c eyes. I was merely a 148f1f260e cockroach hiding in the 14563102bf room next door. I also did 57f91a2558 not know why c999dc7691 I was still 4b723a08dd alive. If I were just 514b3cfb53 an insect from the 19652602d6 very beginning, why was e65fbd6206 I even born in 4db932a83a the first place?4ba00a9a53afa21a

The screams I a5e1a447dd had carved into a1329e5bfe the journals I 977e7466a2 had already burned bdef0d8cca to crisp were 7a2ac15c1a now silently being 047c42bf4e whispered through my a7c9ac0521 eyes as I 8dfa4c6e44 opened my lips.0ce872fb23d667e4

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“…Don’t you know… how to knock?”f7bf658cfe7c5cc7

My voice 05cddb8987 trembled because 6abed10cb3 I was 76c319b3d5 trying to 454d462534 hold back 122bcfb383 my tears. I knew better than c312e14515 anyone that what I 7bf4f1933a just said was ridiculous 5544a0ac02 in a situation like b77d45ec02 this.e9eef5b2cb67ae11

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Even if Lee 239e2bb410 Kyuwol sneered at def440d935 me, it didn’t 975c823dc2 matter. No, rather, I 4ba73f6fa8 wanted him to eff1b8d35e look down on a3b6db9023 me. Isn’t it ridiculous 5a443c2c4d that you’re pretending 711cd1f117 to be strong 6caaff905f in front of a39e39b0f7 me? Do you even have a54dc8a79b the right to act cba6b70534 all confident and arrogant 4850579adf in front of someone cf63edc91c like me? I would 2537228b57 have rather 8d605152dc wanted him c25114a81b to ask 1e6e195257 me these c40f6e5be0 things as 69bb9c562f he looked 0db5a8a489 down on d4e58cc98c me.695290042c2a8b9e

“Sorry.”d1afae1a5691448f

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Instead of sneering 958c79d5ad at me, Lee 63d38f423c Kyuwol apologized in 9a78ed3ce0 a curt voice.e3719329f84feb0e

“…Get lost.”6c58f76d5cd3be87

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My eyes grew warm. This was 7d29e180a6 why I 8074973dff hated him. Even though he looked 6d3f32ff9a at my scowling face 2f0b3d8ee1 and saw all the 9c2dc395c4 twisted thoughts inside my 0b778d8f7e head, he didn’t look f9f750c5bb away.eef963164e8fe906

“…I said get lost.”4fff90747b4af6c8

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“Sorry.”b44c10fb98add25d

Although I hated how 4de9618ec4 they had sex for 262891b57a everyone to see, I 1493a789d8 was helpless to do 1259d4c1c9 anything about it. Instead of 8fe0065e0a calling me 496a57b86f a silent 88735058ac doll and 7953efd354 criticizing me, b197b4fa9b he whispered e196250342 to me d048c91832 as if 4b83df39af to console 0e97207fdb me, and 751e44850a I… hated ef6c0a2501 it.544f882d257222f3

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“Ah! Aah! Aahng!”00de2c87c2ae6e03

The actress 771cbf56fe one wall 431686417b away let d30274dbf3 out her c112a2cb4a shrill cries 5b349477c9 as if 9ef633289d she were f225d79871 shooting a 83e8c20db5 pornographic video.86a6abc253390318

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Lee Kyuwol’s piercing fa1af6937e eyes watched as b7170ae972 I bit my b7fa50c412 lips and slowly 6711f35a9c lifted both of f2fbb5e847 his hands. A familiar warmth touched e1986cc6b2 my ears. The layers of sand 0161fe70c0 walls that surrounded me bd78ee3c6b suddenly melted away.c6d4e46e037bd0ff

I usually avoided 6224557a96 making any contact 177b7d14eb with strangers, but 025637782d I was unable 349f88f116 to pull his 6f739357dd hands away from d100226518 my ears. All I could a0ec629fe1 do was lower 96dcd88224 my heavy eyelids e5864d6da7 and close my 5281e203d6 tear-filled eyes.37a853ffeda3b765

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Drip, drip.4c02d14fda1e6cb0

My sorrow had reached 0069174fa6 its limit, and it 7cfa674c12 began to trickle down 114bbe0e5b my face before splashing f6d2fbef01 onto his body. Because his large d3580c63b7 hands were holding bc56ea6038 my head, I 9d8bd5d34c couldn’t lower my 900410c741 head. All I 944f293bf4 could do d58e235da6 was close 8bb9e021c7 my crying ed34c7c840 eyes and f8433ad82c bite my 760f24d26b reddened lips.b2a5fed800a26fbe

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When I was 667637bdd5 very young, there 39a33c3e38 was a time a8adbba17e when I went 92a1658a9f to the beach 7e7ded8653 during the wintertime 4c722d14fb with my mother 39ca955b03 and some unknown aa6102bd62 man. That was the b9655e7f06 first time I’d a24915a68c seen the sea 01b9f3a5e2 with my own c16cb180cd eyes. The waves crashed 8305766b8d down on the 39ed931599 shore and bubbled 57b5edcd45 away. I couldn’t look d1a42d41b9 away. It was overpowering. I faced the salty 195cacdfd9 wind and stood there ad3c15d99a for a long time.ac9beadc3c5fa306

I looked far off e4211d49a4 into the horizon and 484a62154b saw where the sky 201bc47d9a touched the land. As I watched waves b0a8e28b70 that were larger than 0e9f2b8d56 me crash down, I fa68da5e79 was filled with awe. With my mouth 3f6ad7835f wide open, I a8f389af54 watched as if cef8a37005 I were bewitched. In the 1f1ec63669 blink of 78702dd03e an eye, 9ea575adb7 the wave fcbe17d6e3 towered over e17123384f me and e2e98fd854 swallowed me b2dea89ff9 into complete 2005efe78e darkness.5f7631526557701f

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I was swept away 480077782a in an instant. My limbs floundered, but d4d752c753 my feet did not 046087bb30 touch the ground. Extremely salty water 8d91ee66f6 entered my eyes, 63ec6aaeb3 nose, and lips.50363182bdb9d73a

Save me.37f7b9d0b67cff11

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Someone help me.43ad05684fbde884

Please save me.ce54ebaf23ed0d15

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As I writhed in 1a7d30da78 the water, when I 1a8ee4b621 opened my eyes, I b6e1aaa734 was spit out by ede521eaed the waves and was ca50e3fa1a crawling on the shore. My mother, 19d3a538d3 who had 34eab6dd90 been smoking 7173af6f7a somewhere far 225fceecab away, and 2caca5ff6d the unfamiliar f2d4608dae man finally 4862c2071b discovered me 580c8fb877 and began 4d9d4ce5ae to run 5a8b166dfb over. I saw d319d7bf45 this last 64bbc3ed43 before I 79d963470b lost consciousness.bb73521b6629d6dc

b56d8b2d74291268

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It was the first bd80110061 instance where I realized a8fd861321 how small and insignificant fa0b1bce66 I was in the 3b88def43a face of Mother Nature. The moment I was 86db06e17f swallowed up by the d8d1f850bc sea, I realized that c42bd1d8d3 I was alone in 5c09ef8c28 this world.b6351edf223702cb

47daed2122fcde18

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“Whenever you f6672cc551 want to 88bec4cf71 see the 1c79863236 sea, all fa0cbd8adb you have 337feb49b8 to do 5ce5272338 is bring 3a9ce94a07 this to 6000b5e469 your ear, a111ef3d92 and you’ll a331f64121 be able 36a565aaaa to hear 352d805738 it. So don’t 53d47be0b0 do something 1ddd461224 so dangerous 2d10e8dec4 ever again.”1346241f7c477c32

fc47ff58a7896670

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As I was 940f386364 lying in a e7c59cfca5 hospital room, the 6684c3280c man held out a193f9a837 a conch shell 84ff4fb972 to me. Could he have bdb9b4cf32 been my biological 57de098962 father? Or was he 357b78a228 just one of 6860e276e1 the countless men 3d8a6bed89 my mother dated?ea34bf29fe77fa3f

The only thing 6686b4be14 certain in my ef44623312 foggy memories was b9f098c192 that when I de5308d6f7 woke up in 423f6a914a the hospital, my a9aeeafa01 mother was not 5c93fc7a31 by my side. I was edc54f9027 a cumbersome bcce6f2ea7 existence she b7c30439da had to c9865bf3de hide.a6997df0b7527fb4

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After that ee95c16c0f day, I f82fee456d never returned 2bf9aaf203 to the 595b6303a4 sea. And I never d31e95cacb brought the conch 80cb8fe923 shell to my 2d4137c0ca ear. I was afraid of 7b9e50374a the sea. I did not want 874d47929f to remember or experience e2fce9c6f2 the intense loneliness ever dcd53d8223 again.1e9ad6dff146ab47

When Lee Kyuwol covered 5efcfac437 my ears, I didn’t 5abf0d3535 hear the sea. All I could 14a45ff3ea hear were my 721a7e09a7 cries growing louder 5523a21bc0 and softer. Just like the days 01c7c3302c of my childhood where 8c424aaf40 I was unable to b761ce0f98 endure the intense sorrow e4e295ca27 surging up, I felt db00a95b14 like I was crying 22ce849f06 underneath my blankets.7e4d9934f64d4271

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As loneliness continued to 1268363754 burn within me, I 9b0366e195 slowly opened my eyes.ed1cd377927d906a

Lee Kyuwol was 008e8e2f3e here. As if he d97e1d6410 were here all 412cc97090 along. As if he 652ae5a36a were a part 9d2c158d8e of the darkness 68ee93e114 all along, he 1db0761917 was watching me. The faint 68284c1711 headlights of cf288f46fa the cars 4891d8b583 crossing the 0c522d5020 bridge outside 6d677a9cd7 the window 3fb97ad9bd illuminated his 1bcb3a7e57 face.7841fecea28260f9

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“Ugh…”b9c885279878238a

I couldn’t stop the 7013cae199 cry from bursting out 6916642bb6 of my lips. In this 9c598c7346 moment where 2f68c8860f I felt f512d7036d incredibly lonely 77224d2a48 and humiliated, f2a334bb1d I felt fed5727f65 relieved that b6e4e6516b I wasn’t f694f410f3 alone.222416f118629dee

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In the moment 294183f633 when I wanted 5453d960eb to give up 4ca5057694 on my life, 0d8d04e65d when I felt 384854c32d terrible and frightened, a963ab29cf I was not 0f21519eb5 alone. Someone was by 917b8984fe my side. This fact filled aa264a85ab me with such cc3a2439b5 intense relief that 5413a12145 my body couldn’t 6755228116 stop shaking.4a84da031c7d13ff

“Huu… Aah, uugh…”b4a2b5931d6a1983

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Suddenly, I realized 3929b696db how much I 38bb86a117 had yearned for 0ba81aa24f someone’s touch. My desire 97f50c9c3f to be a44e180fda alone and ea1528a8eb solitary had ae5aa4a43b been a f8bc6c11ef bald-faced lie. If it f4a06758ad were true, 3b12645c27 I would 0f11f1a983 not have 23d813dcc8 felt such 40add87c0d relief at e4de4eb272 the fact c0ea9d6cf6 that I 3d8166010e was with 46f0d367a4 someone now.e318b3e42f9d694c

Until now, 93150e9f02 these unfamiliar f32e154ffd emotions had ed9e4dafd0 never burst 78b130459c out of 29b3d94994 my lips. All the pent-up loneliness c410119dde was released through my 884ee750cb salty tears and trickled a79408eb70 into my mouth. My face twisted underneath 08910807e5 Lee Kyuwol’s gaze as 4459dec07c I cried like a 616c54414f child.10ed8a73a843e9c0

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My mother’s moans gradually faded away and grew faint. I wasn’t sure if it was because they had finished having sex or whether it was because my ragged breaths grew louder and choppy. Lee Kyuwol continued to watch me until I fainted due to exhaustion and fell into bed. 93822f21dbbeea05

I woke 276039d2c1 up when 1a7d771bcc the alarm 631f4cf3f6 clock on 1141a53c75 my desk b8da09bcc3 rang. Lee Kyuwol eccc0f8890 had disappeared. Everything had bb8d2dde40 returned to f01f51ddd7 its place, 3a47232940 and it cca831250a was now 0e27b4019e morning.682b89a16fe9ecc5

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Like a 10be5212f2 dry, withered f273833fb8 plant, I 4fbdf80ef6 feebly got 84f1d652bf up and fa37d3ab28 walked to 47dc1e9851 my desk. I opened the bottom 45ba5716a2 drawer.d88fe5e7437a1bf3

I saw 68e46db90c the silver 2b575b8862 knife that 160bea2f3a Lee Kyuwol 05e31694a8 had thrown a0c8d35867 into the dd261d117c drawer last 08e1bec3bc night. The sharp blade gleamed ef0a3415bf in the sunlight, as 576e5ed431 if to prove to b026970050 me that last night 560ba2b7ca hadn’t been a dream. I swept my 45cee70bf6 tongue over my dff10ecf65 dry lips and 742f83f93b looked at my 006a53ecaa reflection in the ec622394d0 mirror before looking b9ef3d09d1 back down.d3afd17ffb9dec8f

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Inside the same f815b2bf3e drawer, there was 74f3573680 a wrapper of 9689a65c11 the granola bar 8f67ff3d2d that Lee Kyuwol 809dcbc778 had given me d3ba4516ef several months ago.bf016f38135d2663

There was no 46a68179a6 way he hadn’t beb52dfa6b seen this last 0d8b81c4d6 night. I had hidden e7c1ea044b it somewhere deep 16b0156b8c inside the drawer 658aeecea5 because I didn’t b8b2d4f430 want to be f46fbb4d89 caught, but he d56c1dfbfa had seen it. I wonder 3686237fc4 what he af0c97ae56 thought when dc6001f6f9 he saw 38a46369aa it.b9455c142cc9f0bb

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With swollen eyes, I 04e1dff32b put on my school f0e6037cd0 uniform as I was 273c462686 lost in thought.f1c44b1eaf64c3c8

It was 6b8a8bcf79 all for 3e0007f218 the best. I had hit rock c9f20322f6 bottom, and I couldn’t f34501bcc7 fall any further.b044a2a31fc6346c

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87f7cbd924d3e875

Now that he 83dca38c7e had seen my 8a170b8680 weakness, whether Lee 092471fd9a Kyuwol decided to 35587deee0 sneer at me 537286c960 or ignore me, 839715e621 it was something 52d0c143e3 I needed to a87032f281 handlea997c5c83547a1eb

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