MM Ch 2 part 1

PR by neji3875ad0b43131513

During the 6f4e9d0dd9 time when 04eb9f54f1 the new 43e451d695 school year 4f077d7d69 began, we 656b769f71 moved into b6ccbff403 Professor Lee’s 1afb817d55 apartment. I expected that living c704d22177 as a new family c1400249b1 of four would proceed e4a7672ed0 awkwardly, but the transition e4bb0e47b4 was surprisingly smooth.4789af9851cc2fe2

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Although it wasn’t fc7583a0e3 like we didn’t f74101b9d6 have money, my cc8d935ecc mother tended to 16f22003c4 spend frivolously and 97c8d7272f didn’t know what 14d3bf3eed it meant to 76843724a9 save. Therefore, I got the 01e9a94d2d feeling that Professor Lee 929182cd8d was a lot more 59db5a00dc financially well-off than my b20887e440 mother.00b56d253b006cde

We could 6bd958e2aa see the 1ecf63badf Han River 221ffbb71e from the 2739d14ed1 luxury apartment, 0a61c0f3bd and it 9c889a49a5 took up 9138de18c8 a space 678d62e8c2 of about 09b6839f4c eightypyeong¹. When my b0341bbe05 mother hung 36db5e541f a large 6d86a5ef39 framed picture 0cc0605da0 of herself 7dbe1da73e on the 09627756fc wall, she ef4bdc4614 smiled as 7ba4b74cd4 brightly as 7257156003 she did 8c738f3bce in the 2e81bc0f74 picture.02de6a2900ca28b8

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It was an 36aef1369a extravagant and modern 47666a3add home. My mother suited 134794e559 this place as 1f3e592923 if she had 3c98796e38 lived here all bfe5d2e73b along. I felt that 262d84405d my mother felt c8325b3db0 this was a d9173382b5 reward for having e1d5fe4952 her fortune ripped cfe20fcfcc away by that c5a15e3365 pushover ex-husband of c74611cade hers. When I a02c7fffc3 saw her f5d95f9d97 so happy, 30b14ce94d I felt eac2ee6e95 relieved.4cc1c816ff03449f

This wide home benefitted 63ea5d8a99 me in another way. There were plenty of 93548ba336 places to hide. My bedroom c5759837c4 had a 953f85a872 large window f4d859c707 that allowed b3f794b94c for plenty 7213d816f1 of sunlight. There was a df6e5ce924 large desk that f1187e3b42 looked like it f54be21b0a belonged to a 0435b9d2e8 designer or architect, 54eaed5b88 and there was dc25219c47 also a wide 4135ed63bd bed on the eafedcbac1 other side of 242706a9e2 the room.caeb0bbe2f5871c5

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Lee Kyuwol’s room a147ce0d03 was located between 7bc8d09346 my room and 63bdedc43f the bathroom. Our toothbrushes were on ff179bb49b opposite sides of the 7cd7405527 mirror, but his toothbrush 5a1b3ffdf7 was always dry as a580a9f268 if it was never 1336ec0295 used.0c5153b3e2fa6ab9

As a representative cd6f783fb2 swimming athlete for 4f0d8ec107 the nation of 7971dadd68 Korea, he was f18caff0a7 often out for ecdc7ccea6 training. Because he stayed 8e331e7bfa at the athletes’ fef950707e village in JinCheon ca89311ef0 to train for 9d9e850120 upcoming matches, he 2e5dcd180e was usually away 61f789228c for one to 3f5afc091e two months at 70bad10c5a a time.9be04493164c2aa7

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Because of this, bcbd62fc4d before the summer 3b905bb9f3 break, I could bb0ab365f0 count on two f776afebcf hands the number da97acf4cf of times I’d 4f66cba43e seen his face. The cabinet in cc6893dd13 the corridor leading 6d76cf38e6 to the front a5cad1510d door held countless 166ec08c88 gold medals and 9b4e596248 awards, but it b22906e55c only caught my e1610ee319 eye for the 63099a9fca first month or e8594acfb1 two after I 0bbc7a6af2 started living here.617b3e0632db7530

But I wasn’t 00e9fce5c1 the only one c9e6f8ca93 who seemed fine b92759d7ac going without seeing a38cb87ed0 everyone’s faces on 51af03f534 a regular basis.0e68be7bb2c47b20

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My mother was a4962e66b5 a main star 1c4c11a3df in a daily cf4f1469ba soap opera that 821eeb4642 spanned over three 3a73ce44da hundred episodes, but 88e5b9ef99 she received a 19ce971736 supporting role in 18f2cdd575 a project during 1607a61767 the fall. It was only the 97c0884170 role of someone’s parent, b2680040f2 but she was to 9055aeeb2d play a penniless restaurant c3a38d8aca owner. When she saw this, 54f6515d2f she went into hysterics, d6df1fce60 but she gradually returned a0bc6aace1 to reality.a76bfdf09e4e2553

For an bf461bcc2b actress, it 4c61fc0bf3 was better 624a61654f to receive df545bb5a1 a role 32d750a6e9 as someone’s f4c78470f1 grandmother than 814cba40e1 to be 86bb095e03 forgotten by 101d26454d the public. Once her manager 3e1bedc14d told her this, b624e59600 she began to 79f049f54c sing a different 7096aa9af2 tune, claiming that 983787b0ac this role was 79d0345d02 marvelous after all. She began 65e30ed6a2 to sift 0104d584f4 through the 015ce8cfcb proposed outfits 3f201647b4 and looks 4f2e95fbbf sent by f870bffca7 the stylist.0efe0f8040aa6f45

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Filming began ff6ef16666 in the a6406c5d6c spring, and 4d228b37f6 she grew f3bf0ae3ec very busy. My mother’s bedroom a278d537a3 and dressing room 5b0be7e278 was on the d3b809bfed left side of 9724b8a456 the entrance, the 7b8f824183 complete opposite side e13a51e5c5 of Lee Kyuwol’s 5dd393b798 room and mine. I’d only see 247d69af90 her in the cf2ec7ff28 early mornings when a51707fb72 her filming schedule 8171f4088f overlapped with me 3729d542c4 leaving for school. She seemed very cheerful.78fb5b6828afd293

When the sun b703abfcd0 was up, her 5abcf14490 husband was usually 495be60867 at the university 9875eeea57 where he taught. Although I didn’t memorize 333ca0754b his schedule, he rarely 0efbaa8d45 came home early.4ce3f8ebde9c7266

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Whenever my mother was bcd7ba4018 away for late-night filming, 37211dbcc5 we were left alone 779da1dd66 in the house, but d0058769d5 it wasn’t particularly uncomfortable. The place was 71f5e9bd26 large enough, so 5d6e529ea7 we never had 6763c9ddc4 to worry about ceba0a9f1c the other. He also 68b81d413e usually spent b9e6cf8404 time alone 3bd4f596e7 in his 06c261a985 study that 5b498a5d59 was next 98b2890b54 to his 78427fbddf bedroom.4db389d4a15c5d88

When I returned home c4b84d1c7e from my tutoring classes, b8abc5a851 I’d go into my 246cdb2589 room to study. I’d sometimes 2326e288eb get up 4ac07b819c to grab 2cb1ec7dd8 a glass ecdb7fba1f of water. Whenever this happened, aeda41818d I’d hear the 7b347e50b3 faint sound of b640fea71d classical music flowing 54ec4c552b out of his 2e0c02a310 study from time 90b9724b11 to time. It was 0a49b40f53 as if eb69158f36 the soft 22c404551c melody of 43d198242d the cello 496b75af41 was gently da4a33c1a5 caressing the c391a5be6e air. I felt that this 9ca1bc0ba9 kind of music suited 6f98cf26e2 his personality.44533723c0b94807

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Whenever this daf25a01f8 happened, I 1307044d95 wondered what 5df18b4d9f the common d893072e52 denominator between 39799d350f him and 53515b8e41 my mother 71c56377a6 could be. However, no matter 13fb2bf675 how many times b7656b6548 I mulled over 8bdba894a9 it, I couldn’t 028b42f56c figure it out. In the af098f5d12 end, I’d 6758660b34 turn around 748513d5d2 and return 3416dfb348 to my 22653469d1 room. It had nothing to cbb2e87ee7 do with me anyway.d2d03a871a3e5a8a

To be perfectly honest, I quite liked that I didn’t have to see my ‘family’ members on a regular basis. The face I saw most often was that of the housekeeper who came to the apartment four times a week to help out with the housework.16d752bd9f7abed5

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The only times the 1c329d4876 busy family would all d9f1823d01 get together was when 07ed20a62b Lee Kyuwol returned home, 10a9c19998 but they weren’t occasions 7cd45fcf14 I looked forward to.af071f29d302618e

Whenever my 2f3db92bda mother heard 1fbefe44c1 that Lee d3f13349ef Kyuwol would 30b49fc911 be coming 846ec609be home, she’d d50f5e4af8 tell the 9edf008039 housekeeper to 181c00cf73 order a 092c133581 variety of 64f8463042 foods, and 7b42a20795 I’d have c2be9e394a to reschedule c9d54551e9 my tutoring e4fdc182e7 sessions for 3e209ae6ce the sake 995d7c99d2 of having 882db4ac3a a family adff09f08c dinner. That was 432d41ae1f enough of f4a01093db a reason 4af276e957 to find 060a402dec all of 51b0357b02 this disagreeable d1cfc2a3b6 and unpleasant.97ef868efbf09027

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“I heard that you 1d2bc128a2 just finished competing in 98f99a945e an important match. What are f3542b07c3 you plans 39dfe2177a for this 0c8e10274d summer?”5393c72c92d5ad6b

Professor Lee asked his 2bb97e43ab son in his characteristically e85851ff77 soft voice. Sometimes I wondered 5975d9cc44 how he lectured 3c3a355cb1 a class with 261485b8d3 such a monotonous ff3017c468 voice. It was 8665d83327 the perfect 77dd556ab4 voice to 9f1865bae0 put a 7afb3f68bf class full f44fd2056d of students 5a326ec826 to sleep.330c7398152bc557

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“Once my 03e0712c2f birthday passes, a41fac5583 I plan d3372674f8 on getting 8909e28635 my driver’s 536ae2ea51 license. You’ll buy me a 36a58fba5d car, right?”e142f0e60acaa704

On the other hand, 8fc0d701ba Lee Kyuwol’s firm, heavy a65284e3fa voice sounded clear and 5e7a4e40f6 precise to the ear 0e0bf82a26 even when he wasn’t 394bc4b059 raising his voice. With a body like 88ed8ffd6e that, does one’s voice 7ded512619 also get stronger as 15f7dcc35d the body grows to f65bf72283 be more fit? I wondered in silence.24066ac2cee1c91f

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“Why do you adcf318747 need a car?”b909d8d5c4d641bb

“Of course 2fab1a1b7f I need 4b4d3d199d one, Father. A round trip from 2c1a00e0ef JinCheon takes over three 091d941282 hours.”824919f814314cde

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I could hardly c048fe6312 believe that a 500359d94b very average, timid 95d02967ba man like Professor 788235ccd7 Lee had produced 6c7d8e2cea a son like 8c43082840 Lee Kyuwol. It was a e4f35b7b82 complete mystery to 0a82868c55 me. I found 20c5316495 it surprising 4b59b6d066 that Professor b35298e015 Lee had 789c43f41c some kind 9e4a495a4e of passion 0da61fea18 that motivated 0d9a02fa53 him to 3a5f83eda4 go through 73eaa04f92 with an 0c4d26a108 international marriage 24a83e16f5 with a ccebfd83a8 woman who b8b58d020d spoke a 6a1bae39b0 completely different a4b8ac3ffa language and ca2ff22e07 came from 711eac0719 an unfamiliar c0b1886861 culture.4504ff1f43682e77

“Omo, now that 30ae1e3b03 I think about af0a6d1efc it, it’ll be 7677a7a09f your birthday very 4e7e5887e5 soon, Athlete Lee 1060c28097 Kyuwol.”798d73b8035fa871

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My mother, e9c06db0b1 whose body 3955a198ff was wrapped 7dfd432032 in an b5fe14e42b apron that 5ccc05223b had never ee5bb8dc11 been used, 7e0f35f7eb turned her 380ef92c6f eyes to 02b04d1007 the calendar. I could bet money 896eb0866f that she had just 178f29420e realized that my birthday 289d2b110e was last week. She looked dc6fac64a8 at Lee 1f3817207a Kyuwol, and ceb6f024ef her eyes b41eded075 gleamed.c7c393051a57088f

“Just get your driver’s 60b46ec068 license. I’ll pick 1b86e249a6 out your 76e12ee0ee first car.”42c3435aa7fb1393

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“There’s no need to 2cfaf89235 go that far, Mother. All you have to 6af30f4aef do is get Father bab561989b to open his wallet.”67290959e24b8ccc

“Jeez, that’s completely ca75614e2f up to Professor 2ea97a84bf Lee. How can 4f811125ae I meddle 08d9225451 in something 271571a493 like that?”deede87597414afb

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“Because my father 477060716c is especially weak 7e48eed9a1 when it comes 3224dfc6fd to beautiful women.”e3c3410eb7841612

Lee Kyuwol answered a9d5777534 in a calm 18c8610216 voice as he 0443dea196 flashed a smile, 6ec7c960fd laughing politely.278211d8b6148801

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“…Lee Kyuwol.”85bb8b07610dd1b8

Professor Lee must 4ab4c1e278 have felt embarrassed d4672a19d1 because he called f080f5f4d2 out his name 5da19ff8d7 with a clear 3a44b0b471 voice. My mother giggled 10334cf93d pleasantly at his cd5add931e side.250271ac345c4310

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This right 418608e9c4 here was ac5c84646d what I 79a57cbc46 hated. Lee Kyuwol acting as e57faf4d4e if the four of 12a241a12b us as a family 98ab96444e was the most natural bc6462b886 thing in the world.f579e13472fd0872

“Is there anything in 1e9c8274c7 your studies that is 12293b4013 giving you a hard 9f5cc97c64 time?”73e7787a6e94767c

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I had been quietly d76b16b018 moving my chopsticks when 41d0197b33 Professor Lee suddenly asked b4d25410e8 a question. My hand froze. I was the only f7da27f8a9 one in this house 43fc9a5eeb who studied, so he 666c88fdf3 was probably talking to f8c0746e87 me.b8f733b63eb8756f

Once Lee Kyuwol graduated 13f5ad20a9 the athletic high school 8d1880b6a0 he was currently attending, edbcf93e2d he’d probably become some 4ae95577b7 large brand’s ambassador and 3b579ef6a3 receive various sponsorships to 4a11169094 support his career as 7ab5527a67 an athlete. Universities would probably accept 3d0fd1378c him with open arms, 4e77a9633c but for Lee Kyuwol, e63cb346a6 an already accomplished athlete, a86dcba1fb he’d probably be more 127ee96712 comfortable focusing on competing.624eabfe2646421d

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His future was 861904e68a set, but when 5628748df7 I compared mine fa76dbdc86 to his, my 92e4f2b998 only option was 8d2da8ceb0 to get accepted 63dcba2b9e into a university.8c43321dc3d62ba3

“…No, it’s fine.”d4a55226768d2398

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I forced the 4cd8c9adb7 rice down my 43e47c5d2f throat and answered b38d8f7bba in a strained e7a686f26b voice.81a22ebe39da7e04

“And your tutors 6ca7dc2534 are adequate?”13a224c55f4bdb2f

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“Yes, they’re good.”c06089c43d6dc51e

“If there’s anything that’s too difficult, you can ask me for help anytime.  I know quite a few entrance exam specialists, so there’s no need to stress out by yourself.”f2a2059f6c58e7ad

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One of 4fd4f8cf48 the first 95a9715d05 things Professor 49c1998545 Lee did d81d07ef0f after marrying 2ae7c2c66e my mother 5d28a32bc5 was check f14b5abd57 my grades a387d1da7a and hire 5640ad17e6 some of aad197231d the best 3cd28e73a6 tutors in 1086eb5393 Gangnam for cf74f16b60 me. This was d240b7942c something neither 10f3a29954 my parents 2bbb97e6a1 nor family 3e79115240 members ever 237d8373a0 considered to 82af1c8530 do for 858925deff me. Thanks to 0e1c19e7d3 this, my 29e71c4cee grades went 0471306555 up exponentially, ad62978774 and I 71c6b1a37b even got 95e7b5d499 the best 33b6541c03 score in 9a0648e5f7 the mock a1266678f2 exams.c2109d4ee987a21f

If everything 8c9cedde33 proceeded well 37038d4304 from here, 7278a5bea6 there was a401565c39 a high 2fb386d45a chance that c1293649c0 I’d be 87eb8862db able to 5a7c328dcd cross the 3370853f0a threshold of 2c34ca908f my top 59e66cf113 pick for bc860fea76 university. I thought about 97f841772f this for a ad141d70ad moment before replying 79dcbb0762 back to Professor 5a9077887e Lee.3afe1a09fe6b50b4

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“Thank you 0d6ebf658f for your 22f9eb8301 thoughtful consideration.”cec4356fe8136858

“She doesn’t have 036b56c23b incredible athletic abilities 98970e307f like Athlete Kyuwol, 3dc20d7429 nor does she 3cf429a7aa have an outstanding 9038b8f892 face or body, 4dc2a11892 so all she d7562a85e2 can do is a7ff1b7b65 focus on her 12cebf8e9b studies. Our Dayoung.”7426f86d2e284bd4

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My mom’s eyes fcc89c92f3 crinkled as she caa98eed08 pierced my weak 769f661fa2 spot. Nothing she 5e0849dcf5 said was dea7a03ff0 incorrect. I remained silent and 54630c9ada focused on cutting my 601877a31c undercooked asparagus into thirds.4b643497f768ef76

“But isn’t she ebc0616558 outstanding?”d1cf3fe5e9041d0d

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Lee Kyuwol, who 0443174706 had brought his 817b55e6c8 cup of juice a6a19d61e3 up to his 672de7375d lips to take 4fe239ca7f a sip, lowered da018754f1 his arm. I felt it 173f4008e9 brush against my 9f955724b1 right arm. This was 4da9a83297 why I d0cbebf96a avoided sitting cec105bb54 on his 00c762c1cc left, but 4b9cc9c745 he had 1b76ba0d9d already been 20f253ea0c sitting in 899b2d2091 his seat 70d74356a5 when I ca762f56e9 arrived, so f790283f75 I had ce43d095f5 no choice b53241b039 tonight.ecdc14a7dc68c82c

He was wearing a e0b27d1dca white t-shirt, so his 1246408a21 bare skin grazed along 1b352e2725 my arm that was 8e8aa05d39 exposed under the hem 27e5469d1f of my summer uniform. Even though it f880d8edca wasn’t even wintertime, 7cd0c81ff2 a shiver ran ba332f1e5f down my spine.2bf706fa23e478f1

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I flinched and frowned 035808c831 in shock as I f46f38c6bc turned to him. Lee Kyuwol’s gleaming 14d0db363d gray eyes met 30d9de99df mine.959816d5646f512a

Because I 1647923a98 had been 6ab7f264ad avoiding meeting 92828271ca his eyes, f74e8ef2b8 it had 982e068703 been a a35a9804db long time. He had a smile a1e3419558 on his face as 53d7e9790a usual.624d8aaffd1a3865

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Our awkwardly aa6f6080ce shared gaze 6b96c11b90 came to 94dac2fb2a a quick 9140b73b12 end. After putting down dd588353a7 my knife, I d8b58a1194 stabbed my fork 874e946404 into the long 8f1ad7e010 asparagus and brought 9a0db45dc8 it to my 5b2f02e400 mouth as I 30e33a057e began to chew 9bf2371320 it.52125ed534812c10

“Hmm? Who? Our Dayoung? Doesn’t every 6f35e3c66e school have 3e9d256b1e a student 23830d34d0 like her? Isn’t that right, Professor 1b52f154d4 Lee?”8cf0085a1d169348

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“Dayoung’s grades are 37a7004f07 certainly outstanding.”8211c20ed6634ab5

“Ah, that’s ae6b148d8b not what 54dea3d193 I meant.”34a56c8dce53d56c

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My nerves 28a7c821dc were still 2f52e881c8 on edge 309728a1a8 from the a56dc23380 minor collision 5721c9ee85 with Lee 0bc16c45ef Kyuwol, so 0fa42caf4d their words a906454991 went in 848b68b696 one ear 51d9e0b313 and out 4fbac9a5c6 the other.d3efb9bb0f519273

After that fateful 4411d774c8 summer day in 9831172405 my junior year b5e0ba1649 of high school, 7bc6beb37c when my mother 9f2785da9e caught me and 4bd0ddb954 her ex-husband on 31ec0a17d6 the sofa and cadb7778da I was treated 7c1d08f01a like an animal f5f6ad425b thereafter, I began d1d46c0ae8 to avoid men 305ea8d2ee to an abnormal c9c0e14cc0 degree. It was 559c4b55e4 so bad b2be6ac40c that I 7fb27ed2b7 shamefully had d1796b7f8d to reject c3fba56bda my math f22d771a49 tutor’s hand 647ee4a084 that he 7c952c0327 had offered 9b98efb58f as he 07d65832fa said, ‘Let’s bae9b1c993 do our f095840deb best from ffcff32e95 here on 5d6ef87a2b out.’9f7aa4de4c865a6e

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“Hm? Then what did 3d46efad67 you mean?”ddcf73d74d3a889c

I would cb6f16dfba never forgive dcf7e421be my mother’s 8840331beb dirty look 4f7b72c6fa as she c99c4fa284 stared at 637a0e7615 me as a02e192b30 if I 65c90f38d8 were a 21329bc6d6 disgusting girl b5d2a54786 who was 0588033e7b trying to 92a97a42df steal her 53743e2a96 man. I focused on fb13226d6d chewing the food e1f4b7bdda in my mouth. Next to b348212b53 me, Lee 5fb4f2fe35 Kyuwol placed a70f766fe5 his cup 1368e236c4 of juice da737bb9de down on aea32feecd the table 270b11cbb5 and began 247be10e66 to stretch f72f3e0c6f as if f0d6a72111 he were a3d315ab59 in the d8a79972e9 middle of 225df9b005 a yawn.1d734e89a08920fc

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“She’s pretty, our 2fb96c17c1 Dayoung.”17a9b6ed56935d99

When I 488bbdaa90 heard ‘our’ 8789be8c63 come out 6582de484c of his a9e866b06f mouth, I 68423c3212 could only c7cbd66334 frown. Lee Kyuwol’s 7e583ca965 voice sounded e6719a54c6 relaxed as 6b1a238e52 he repeated 3e00fb44be the way 9cee82bf16 my mother c88697b186 called me cf51ad892e out of 9b8426549d habit. However, no matter 27e2a6025e how much I c62222a906 thought about it, 86ff298dff Lee Kyuwol and 30d42f7217 I did not 772436d416 have a relationship 156dd0aeb1 where we could 1ceb59c421 call each other 5ef77dff6a ‘our’ anything.a7f1704cc39ec681

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After the b07a0e3883 dinner when cf178dd0b3 we first ff0e0fff57 met, we 7d8f08c259 had never 745731f5fd shared a 9891bd9d36 proper conversation.0eb1d662a3df594c

“But completely different a67909fd29 from the way 8194d1cbd5 you are, Mother. I don’t think she’ll 3d2ebc025b have any trouble finding d6d38872ee a boyfriend.”35140a29b536866e

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He laughed 4cf8c5131e as he 064c1c1a0d murmured.5d2666f70ec86b50

“Quite the opposite, I 5eef366f60 think.”99b65006796c71fd

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He propped his d4bef30719 left arm on d69f2e91b5 the back of 8bcfd3ff1c my chair, and a42981cb37 his hand grazed 2b46965af6 over my back, 7b0c5235fc almost touching it. This behavior was too 612d10d9d6 strange to be called 98daff896e an accident, but it a239a4bf37 was too natural to 42a5d897a3 be deemed intentional.42a3ffc39fbc6ac5

“Omo, Dayoung is?”15936a249b847ca7

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My mother laughed as 906983e2fe her voice lilted up 50ee83134b towards the end. I could 835cc0138c tell how 77b43b1f5f she truly 0c3f2a32cf felt from bafa126053 her short 036ac3694f reply.4bccfd5b62000155

Unfortunately, my 886cb8da6b looks were bfc88b8fa8 a far 030a8d1e10 cry from d8131abe94 hers. My presence bddae245b9 was insignificant. The more people 0279b724ae were around me, 26ed8795e2 the smaller I 949f49e443 became. Those who approached me 2d03225b67 would end up distancing c3036f5f3e themselves once they saw 7b96901358 the darkness within me 1a88153ad4 that I could not f2c9ac420f hide.19551b81082e8d26

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Unlike my mother, b3df8df224 I did not 4d71544cdf know how to d544705186 smile and light 3e9f31617e up a room. Even if I 2d9a80c808 stayed still and 1464c2fff3 did nothing, I 6a29509f4d did not have 9a48d9692d any charisma that ae60217a71 drew people in.81764c577754605f

cb77c63b7a97b75c

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“It’ll get better once 2eb2e6f4b5 you’re older and start d0c2151d97 using makeup. How is 4dc66a73c3 it that a6bec97932 you didn’t d3e71b5d60 take after 2c0c699eff me at b25f85963f all?”4698f9e122086e2e

ed54ac289be11e5f

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I hoped 4f505cc335 that my 084bcfe5f1 mother wouldn’t 0dd40c33ec continue to 392cc3bf44 make note 9d57f69153 of my 3cbd92b2eb tacky looks c104458a01 with her 616811bd6a disappointed voice. I wanted fd6140e78d Lee Kyuwol d861db62a3 to shut 651ce3c4f7 his mouth.22a4b59342c7ffba

“Yes, she looks 936ff5d282 like a doll. She doesn’t have ef86d3af80 any expression on 2bbfeaa251 her face, but 28a3baac28 she has a e86a2c6013 cool beauty about f3cd7d6291 her. I feel like she ccc237f7b7 will blink and look 5f964bd53a at you if you 75dc2d6258 poke her.”f4f4d6f2cbc5c03f

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He tapped the 63753d9ef9 back of my b68a2d705b chair with his 4b106df4cb long index finger. I could feel the d8fbc4a58c vibrations on my back. The nape of my c17d9baa57 neck grew warm.5b130ed50ab227b7

I bit the 35f2666f57 inside of my d81d974fdd cheek and leaned 213cdbf3bb forward so that 92cb1ff4f4 my back no e1a31caf64 longer touched the 9167dae58a chair. I turned ee21723b63 my head 5f9f50fbf0 and glared a1f6f239d3 at him.50e27090219a625f

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What are you doing 0c6856046f right now?0293deb50e751dec

“Don’t you think so?”139e147085491dad

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Lee Kyuwol ignored my e2e5d797e4 silent warning and merely 09832d22ad met my gaze as 022aead8ff he laughed.dbc6ee4284f5291f

“…You shouldn’t joke about something the listener will not find funny.”f2e6ef63c2f2b75d

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I felt that 0d2f17fa26 the only normal 48bf396598 person in this 9d8a1754ab house was Professor f5467b0248 Lee. My mother dc86cbd3f5 mentioned an 094b0f60af antique doll 7ab105116a from a a8b7a6bae6 classic horror 8bc4d2f512 movie and 5c5d4df3c2 compared it 6624a98a42 to ‘Our fb15991193 Dayoung’ as 2e009b2ce5 she snickered.6d76d39e93851ab5

Surprisingly, I 015bb8c287 saw that 1e87a8544c Lee Kyuwol 172cdf23f2 didn’t say c7568ecd8e a word 883cad451f about my 8d878617fe mother’s joke. For a while cdda89585e after that, the f0db444e46 only sounds coming d33f429ead from the table 30a54ac8a1 were the sounds 949135aadb of people finishing 41babff3cf their food. I stared at the 107d62941f salmon on my plate e06da33ee3 and wished that I e3df880533 could disappear and leave d5a84d2f99 this uncomfortable table.5653cc043ab42519

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“Dayoung, I’m sorry to bf72857758 bother, but can you 3940d2941d hand me a napkin?”c3158f3f0bcad5b6

6d8e837c8fceec84

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Lee Kyuwol asked for 7a7453e444 a favor, but it 84f8b2213a sounded like a command. I didn’t care either 09b076a1cd way. I pulled out three 6474e9d93b thin tissues from the b283093a24 dispenser next to me ed5583c275 and held it up ad9329fb92 to him without looking 07563e26d6 at him.6a4c8c462ea8a6ce

“Here.”dfa62d2b53fd6065

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“Thanks.”5fed48bce5a2d603

Lee Kyuwol de58280730 answered in 8dc91ed5f9 a bright 1129b59dac voice and cc81db399f took the a8b5bd232c tissue from 9448049fc6 my hand.d6abb5b80bdb1aee

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Crackle. An electric shock 714c3b2f71 came from his e60c351a78 fingertips.c9f5b50000d646fd

He deliberately held my e12d3adc13 finger and stroked it. Then he gazed at 5316a72408 my scowling face and 6bf977fdad grinned at me. That’s when 716a77003f I knew 2d22ca0f78 this was 523f2f3625 not purely 536c87828d an accident.b0c2a1f67ecba033

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“…What are you doing?”b1461adead8807f6

My strained voice burst 093005eb9c out of my lips 4732a1b980 before I could think.4c1f2c265d1bbf7e

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“What’s wrong?”7157047427972a19

He asked b9a54814ca so naturally, 8879d21672 and his 5e094c56bc face looked 2251230514 so despicable. In no time, 6fc6534b2a the thin tissue a2ff796b87 was in his 180e27ea76 hand, and he ed2e834b94 was wiping his 077247032b mouth with it. When I e3cc996ccd saw his 8354d8e72e languid movements, 1c6375d60f my mouth f8287ecaa7 ran dry, b18c8b2227 and my 37b1accc6f heart began 268a88d09d to race 3da45a95d7 as goosebumps 8dc2d87898 formed on 6028efccf3 my skin. Even though I couldn’t f0ebc55d28 see his mouth, I 8de875d5bd felt like I knew 0593a8a0f2 what kind of expression d755b5d889 he was making right f7832c4fa3 now.55d569f4b9dcab0e

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“What’s wrong? Do you feel unwell?”6d3e1503ab70cce4

I was sure d7a60d0d8e Lee Kyuwol was 40bee66707 mocking me because b7813f7cbd I always reacted b075a43a95 like an idiot 169e811828 whenever we physically 7abd1005bc touched. He was teasing me. I glared 05e4b34d8a back at 58762d00ef him and 79431c4256 whispered back 11c97f490e to him.c413197a81acd2f2

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“Don’t touch me.”2dc1f9d15139ca64

“Hm?”04f7e10e7e76ab77

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I wanted 844ae0a5b4 to smack 50173a3254 that innocent cfd689f0cf look off 2a32180c11 his face. I bit 6375eaf8cd my lower 0190f6359c lip and f41e09ed04 spit out 002257122a each word dcc97f3ca2 in a ef5a6abd2e clear voice.97e8bea522d2a79a

“Keep. Your hands. Off. Me.”123021ed46a60c51

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Sitting across 9b3e0691d6 from me, d31b3a01fa my mother fe3260e9c9 raised her 0286c68701 voice as 22f54ff06a her eyes 6ef20aa2ef widened.676baa9fc4cebedb

“Omo, what are 67e2a8bf50 you saying right 31f45d9efa now? Please understand, 9a6916388b Athlete Kyuwol. She’s usually quiet, 049fd4101e but she’ll have 99c7798cac outbursts like this 9ca37669e2 from time to f66aa1a9da time, flustering everyone 7530ea7302 around her.”8ceb2c4f24bdb9d6

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“Not at all. I must 6df100080b have made 92bc3a0014 a mistake.”c9d3befd578a7dca

I felt 53d15c52f3 my forehead c913bbe5bf grow warm d9678f575e as blood e26c5985b1 rushed up f0392b4e2e my neck bd825178de to my c137fc9c68 cheeks. A terrible feeling 7d8a70a780 began to bubble b8c5f58c4d deep inside like e652c2e8c8 lava.265ada6dc3061d0a

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Jerk.dab7159f9d8558ed

I swallowed 493ba42ebf the curse 624c5bd284 that threatened e69880c9b8 to leave 01a4fa7947 my lips c7264d4e0e and stood 0314a5ac25 up even 9bc791e0d8 though I c9dbb2b100 hadn’t finished 91ab826044 my meal. The heavy dining 0bb065d0e7 chair scraped loudly f3ba5d33f2 along the wooden 9345a83ae5 floor.5b84edc9447c30f8

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“Jung Dayoung. What do you e14b4cf761 think you’re doing?”6b67b0554250574f

My mother looked up 9dc749eb9f at me in disbelief. She was 753fc4d2f0 doing her 30a4f9df3f best to 25ca473108 keep her 5107465d2b voice steady, 35a1609868 but she a3b32f9df1 was glaring bdcccf7b41 at me.c1c560cd8937dab7

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Even though 5007952a6f I was e33a4456d0 the only f635019e72 one standing d62f6494c8 at the b43f4b4fdf table, I 1111280b9c did not c5ee95362b have the c560f7f0f1 courage to da7a556a9b look my bd599119cf mother in 070e3f9a4a the eye. It was a d0f6113227 reflex and a b6fc15e596 habit that had 31442cea21 formed because of 5ee87c3d15 the way I 763c8b8dcb always walked on 1955ae1d76 eggshells around her.b801768e283f26bc

“I asked you. What do dde1ccfe5f you think c8be1a4b0f you’re doing?”91dca0000cbf9152

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I could e8f52f0619 hear annoyance fa9dade1b6 in her e107b53340 voice. I picked up my 9a3165791e plate and lowered my 1824f886b7 head to my chest. My black 710f803d68 hair spilled 60e494103f over my e8c20ae708 face. I hid 3e94ce70e2 my unsightly, 953e4adf06 red face 319ec4eb51 and mumbled 8ad6e6cd98 in a cde32a18d1 soft voice.9675998a30ed9e91

“…I have an exam tomorrow, so…”aa9e867a239b6a02

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“My goodness. Do you fb88a306b7 think you’re 67a1e7a554 the only e8081aeca4 high school 6b27d21157 senior in 0da3133be5 the world? Is it some 2d3072ea84 kind of government e83b58fb8e post? No manners at 0005506d03 all…”58b8bbe9c349b7af

Professor Lee quietly 89c984000b grabbed her mother’s 9889101263 arm. I gulped before d49d3e6a77 speaking up.89fc3b7fbe8d978d

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“…Thank you for the meal. I’ll take my leave first. I’m sorry.”8a0e03222be1e8af

“I really don’t 22a52e640e know why she’s 2c9c41b053 like this.”9b2c96f040f7cc09

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“Hurry back to f6d9fde601 your room and 5b45510399 study.”cfcbe9647b3507ea

Professor Lee spoke f0f7aea744 up instead of 4834a42301 my mother. As if 19b154e257 she were 7b7162be65 satisfied by 6d6416ff26 my deflated 7f993e9bbe tone of ab9565451d voice, my 388a44dc59 mother changed 93eb2ef313 the subject.322bb91651556cbd

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“Professor Lee, would you f9d719b5fe like some more wine? Would Athlete Kyuwol also 543b4bb38f like a glass? It’s a bit f17fb948e2 late, but think 631f12cfbe of it as 3980110e94 a way to f06f72b422 celebrate winning a 5275a29f64 medal at the 4d1937ffcd Presidential Swimming Championship.”9658ebf5dc0220b1

“No, I’m fine.”8c90dcaae5514073

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“Don’t be like that. You’re supposed b6f9ca417e to learn c606bfb8c4 how to 65663464df drink liquor 9a8b8b3926 from the 2c93ff3cf8 adults.”6cf6529740ab1d77

“I’ve just a14febb740 been hearing 7a3c7c9a8d some talk c677ed2c14 going around. We might suddenly f133ee55a6 get tested at 8390fcf4b5 random, too.”cd4837d9321c2c15

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I threw the half-eaten ab56e47d51 salmon into the sink ebb1cdd55a as the conversation continued 387d6281a8 behind me. It was as 2780b979fe if my sudden 38bf9da8fa outburst a moment 9335cc3ebd ago hadn’t even 79ddc1ea48 happened.c5bc37d4d3005e03

“Is it 9a1b51a5bf because of f365fc3121 that Chinese 2d716dbf2b athlete’s doping 1b972a77a1 incident?”061eda65fa7bf147

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“Probably.”37c70f71048661c5

“But how can 198d812751 they doubt innocent 3b51fea195 athletes as well? Is this 6ff2fcdd02 a body ec99677af2 that can 0e8f18e625 be achieved 2c09aafdf2 with a eeb7946997 mere shot? Our Athlete Kyuwol was 5bbf53c2e5 born with this marvelous e4b4ee4d96 physique…”4c81e2b2025df157

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I silently 9e1f508c92 cleaned my efde3f9aab plate and 95c191ed18 turned my 47f9e52708 back on 927be56703 my mother 3bc5a6dd88 who had 118721a608 changed the 0a5fe563ea subject to 31c079a370 the doping e52cbf9e62 scandal that 6267e966b7 had shaken 0507bb0016 the sports 45e634b818 world. I hurried cb7ceee5de back to eb36b93714 my room. After the 44dc22d4ba incident with 68e6968920 the gym 71d87ed410 trainer, my bdbca7eed3 mother deemed 401d61b3e6 all athletes 009525aed9 to be aca47e5995 ignorant fools. However, there was no 3fda96c695 doubt that she had 407574a3a9 done a quick thirty fa04e483dc minute search online for e54bb4c8de the sake of this bf3d4ecf28 dinner with Lee Kyuwol.36db6e83fc37b073

Click.9b27039d9b549abc

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I closed the door. Even though there cf99c50e0a was a wall c3fac55903 between me and e85210c8f6 the three of cb53a5eafb them, I still 07fafc5282 did not feel 6e7624d8f3 any better. My mother felt more da84b40fcc like a stranger than 13a580ec2d the other two strangers 872a02d5b2 that I was to 1bdb9d4385 call ‘family’, and I 413e23b7ab wasn’t sure if my eee2541456 poor mood was due 464d142019 to my disappointment in eda9a87c80 her, my anger towards 9874a40f9f the mysterious Lee Kyuwol, f300e2ac9e or a sense of 5cb499068f shame at the way 17152678fa I reacted when Lee 408226029b Kyuwol and I physically 0b9d02600d touched. I wasn’t sure which 715b5a00cc of the three was 3a82b8090f the reason.87b929917cd81929

I let out a c0e0194e64 deep breath before sitting 5681124b63 down at my desk. My hands were 52b40cbac1 not gentle as 8977bc1daf I flipped through faf2284248 a textbook. My heart 1bd8d9422c didn’t seem b91fc95cb5 like it 4b586330c0 was going bdd3e3c7be to slow e9cea88b3a down anytime 19fa321e4e soon. The faint fab95cdda4 sound of f0c984487b my mother’s 503f93f658 piercing, shrill 5c571010cd laugh continued 8875348846 to taunt e727778f65 my ears.58718d39888f71b5

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I pulled out a pair of earplugs from my desk drawer and crammed them into my ears. I gripped my mechanical pencil in my hand. The words would not enter my head and seemed to spin in front of my eyes. This time, I couldn’t focus because I could still clearly feel the way Lee Kyuwol’s arm had brushed against the back of mine. 0c702643c5226f43

His fingers almost grazed 21caeaf29e along my back as 202b9dc52c they tapped against the 9be156daae back of my chair. He had 99d9fd4dad slightly held 75d4091ea3 my hand f76990c222 as he e9f90d128b took the 5d250e4910 tissue from 94969efb9e my grasp. In that single moment, c572858a02 I felt his warmth, 1ca3998f65 and it caused my e8296f52e6 throat to run dry.4cb96b5dec6493c0

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“Haa…”ce7c18b1462cb32e

While those 9941396215 thoughts were 4f556a2af3 running through 594c6cd40e my head, e59804c954 I refused cdc7430e9a to acknowledge 955124e595 the slight 3dde6ae987 tingle of 41f7200a8e sexual desire 5d85d60f85 coming from 7c6cae672f between my e4919113a8 legs. To be completely e27a20222d honest, the reason 134479d951 for my over-the-top d8e6c7bef0 reaction was exactly 8774fe4b7a this. When our hands 7998b23448 touched, my throat 9603bb9640 had run dry 236c393b32 just like now, c22e78b289 and my lower de2ab4f85c abdomen twinged. I felt 30fd334a48 my heart 6f53d2cc48 racing inside 810205f0df my chest.5284887195642f71

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In the past, c080bbc606 when my mother’s eb59dc4034 lovers passed through, aa504af642 I had long 1e3a2204be lost the ability 125a6f17a8 to have sexual 74e2d0478e dreams and fantasies 5616284c1e of the opposite fd71372f9a gender.ee50f2e541796b94

Of course, just c5d930458a because I was 1580e0b4a9 repulsed by men 9d24c14881 did not mean cada21e900 I did not 0e5a82c2cd have any sexual cd7a827953 desires. However, all 627c65e5cb of the f1a5b96baf subjects in ffeed2fa4e my sexual 3830928c40 fantasies were d0f0a6e3b0 imaginary.af521bf41e235165

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They were usually 90029502b4 fictional characters from b1cc6b7e34 the classical romance 358438cf52 novels I’d read 852a7b4d69 or those that dbc634cd7f I had seen 793a3f0e1c on the television 62a0cade7a screen. Some were foreign 89dbccbae6 pop stars who b0385f6401 had already died. In other words, 80691f86f3 they never revolved b01dbc1231 around living, breathing 7c5ba822e1 boys of my 5e15dcd5db age who walked 28ff25c344 in front of 83bca34521 my very eyes.c51fb7e380670776

But to think 8d01e6f9c5 that it was 7a8209058c Lee Kyuwol of 6378ed5384 all people…0897f1a6c6655c24

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I blamed 31d49ab42a it on 3543366c07 the fact 55e5e1a18d that it 74b2799665 was merely 89bdeafa30 one of 402edded47 the symptoms 26f0ebe8fc that seemed d3ba9d7d2c to flare f01a2d7b4e up before f741245fad I had 88b1e15167 my period. I brushed b006784c74 it off 56dfb46149 and opened 8e071a14b6 my reference dbe492802f book and 19b7faf5ad began to f7edde0f56 write furiously 25092154cd next to 2f71c7395e my dense 7fc62e2bed notes.fe589356763691ec

‘Lee Kyuwol. Fuck. Son of a bitch. That jerk.’ 2e70a2af7a Once I 5abc7f83ba wrote these e3dc611e9f words on dcdd056329 the edge 2f82238bc7 of the bd72ba6366 page, I f376c96488 recalled what 7feda24f72 Lee Kyuwol 2a6fafa1d9 had said 8968b563a1 during dinner. My face e9716ee5fe suddenly grew 8b1f6c57e3 warm, and 3b6851b69b I covered dd77057579 my cheeks 6b1b72a4ee with both 0ac555e939 hands. The warmth traveled 339da56c7a from my cheeks efe0c2bf07 to my palms.d3bc98ca4a17472c

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Ba-dump. Ba-dump.My heart showed 692b6860cc no signs of bdfc475ee2 slowing down. I slapped my cheeks a288fec663 with my hands before bcdb986f36 burying my face into 0bac3af4d2 my reference book.b422b76351e47753