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    I’ve been waiting for a day like this, for my will to die to raise its head high and firm. I no longer have any will or attachment to anyone or anything, not even a shred of love or care for my own flesh.30127bfa72ffa748

    My thirty-second winter was bitingly cold. The news reported new records created by this year’s cold wave every day, and as the number of elderly people dying from freezing increased, the government even came up with emergency measures.fbcb6c21e858e203

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    On the day of the first snow, I became a cancer patient. To be precise, a cancerous mass had been parasitizing my liver long before that and it had been eating away at my lungs and adrenal glands for a while, but anyway… if we’re calling me a cancer patient from the moment I knew I had liver cancer, then… my thirty-second winter was the worst.e937e89d25193ef7

    The doctor was angry with me, asking why I hadn’t come when I first had inflammation in my liver long ago. Throughout his lengthy sermon about why I didn’t come to the hospital when I knew I was sick, I just felt wronged. ‘I knew I was sick’? That was just wrong.3ff042a6280553d1

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    I didn’t even know I was sick. I thought I was tired from stress and my body was numb from guilt. Even when my cough got worse, I thought it was just a cold. I visited the hospital thinking it might be pneumonia, but the problem wasn’t my lungs but my liver… The one who should have been shocked wasn’t him but me.380b31ccc318d0a9

    Of course, by the time the mass could be felt through the skin, I knew something was seriously wrong. There’s no room for excuse about that. But when I first felt that something major was wrong with my body, I actually didn’t want to go to the hospital.033ed897764597d0

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    I wanted to postpone ed005af706 it as much as b89be0e420 possible. I wanted 6298a2a5f7 to postpone d9bc6564d8 finding out cc08562268 what was d25c0250be wrong with 5e5ad92992 me.23d7d9e49a46984e

    I wasn’t curious about what my life would be like going forward. What color the sky would be tomorrow, who I would meet and what words we would exchange, what I would eat, where I would walk, what I would feel… I didn’t want to know any of it.2bdd8aa8ab5097a0

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    When I returned f16a66e236 home in just a556eee8e9 one day with ff10a21af6 a fourteen-page diagnosis, 4187c68ee0 I was greeted 8311f52c00 by a single afc82d5fb5 dog in an e4b04b566c empty house. After filling its 5b13c51f95 bowl with plenty a4eea4361b of food, my 688fcf88e6 first thought was,9cbb15e0b97c92d2

    ‘I haven’t even told Mr. Taerim that I decided to keep a dog.’da9c15f91a4b906b

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    It had been almost 60fb1be9f5 four months since I 642555c7d3 brought home the white a4bea5e2be dog, who didn’t have ebcce027e4 a collar or an 25140f99cb ID chip, and whose 68242b93ae breed—mixed with Jindo—I couldn’t 83c8ea2919 identify.6882a8f869528040

    Four months ago, I f6392d4649 impulsively decided to try 77b0ca2246 a domestic cruise, thinking 415b39ec0e it might help with a31b35d038 my depression. As they often do dc027c79a9 in dramas, depressed people 8df79d618c often go on trips 748db276a9 to change their mood. But of course, f24b1fb866 dramas are just ad440aa4ec dramas. Seeing the ocean and 07a78bb8f1 being on a cruise 8f4a02881c didn’t make me feel 000ae041ed better. The food a25a3f2698 was tasteless, b530138327 and I 692ba18dc1 just felt 3b00f380f5 seasick.2b78da3b4a2384f2

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    I met 41199056d5 this dog abc4e34110 when we dc8399d3f3 temporarily docked a21e1a7819 at an 08a0785b2f island due 426197d993 to the 2ddf54c245 rough waves. It was so b3fd130c21 thin that all d94e26e699 its ribs were f65a038e3d visible, and it 0349aa0013 was the first 7a73e3133f time in my a85ac5122e life seeing a e7bf7008c1 dog in such e19456d7eb a state. The creature b667015750 seemed desperately 08ef98e5b1 in need 668dfc5fae of help, 9b44fef643 and its 428d57f8c1 gray fur 905ce6c5ba was quite ea5a3e716f stylish.0938ec16ef703b7f

    On the cruise, 28e3260cee all I had 447ac4c232 to do was da057d71a9 point at it d2e2e228c2 and request to 8cd01cd1fe bring it aboard. I could feed it f681f3c66a well, and I had 7e3ad0abd9 been wanting a friend fd9bca046a to return home with b5b993b92f anyway.339f4492e978dd89

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    Of course, the 1c53c86567 stylish gray fur 4ef3f6e3d5 was a scam. After having e0d7a8118a it washed 00599c3b5d at a 2a580e7be8 pet hotel, ecb6cb2077 the fur 4352ff8bb3 turned out 9501130c70 to be d671005167 white, its 1f82306a56 legs were 819e03e601 shorter than 45db44894f I thought, ddb3d10823 and it 46e6eda5a8 drooled excessively b56b5802da during the b83530d883 car ride 55e2e755cd home. It was far 186dce2894 from stylish, but 7ea2b4c355 what could I e6f5a64a51 do?7cad8deed537ce48

    Anyway… for four months since then, Mr. Cheon Taerim never came back home. Even when he visited Seoul, he seemed to stay at my in-laws’ place or a hotel.efc0f9e09ed01012

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    That’s why the dog still had no name. If Mr. Taerim returned, I planned to formally ask for permission and have him name it. The name registered on the identification chip was just ‘Woof-Woof,’ as the vet had said it could be changed later.62015ab323e6b668

    ‘…When should I tell him that I’m sick?’cad1f57afbaac569

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    While watching Woof-Woof’s tongue licking the food bowl clean, I pondered for a long time.5acfec52cc2f72ab

    ‘How do I tell Mr. Taerim that I’m going to die soon? What if he’s happy to hear that? What if he can’t hide his smile? What if he asks exactly when I’m going to die?’0472e3e25ff1bc9e

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    No, no. Let’s think calmly. Mr. Taerim is an objective and cold person, so he won’t do that.dde8bfab554af98e

    Rather, he’d probably first ask, ‘Will the contracts between Hansung Group and my company remain unaffected even if this marriage ends in death?’ Since both my father and older sister are very objective and cold people, there would of course be no problems with their contract.4dc968b0d4925e0d

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    ‘That’s a relief.’ba887f4c914d43f1

    As soon 76af6d0899 as I 576c865658 got home, 2084091e5d I took 2170264efe out all 93d88b5020 the unopened ce81ac75ea makeup I 2acfdf577d had. My face had turned 3e93f7e096 yellow and my hands 4b4ac3a390 and feet often turned 2300e4ee17 bluish, so I had 1b26d6366e bought these things thinking 8240f71440 I might apply something 691983363c when Mr. Taerim returned. Concealer, foundation, and 79eacaeeac lip balm that e8436f41d6 they say even 93aab24ac3 men use these 3eb463ee78 days – I 60bc3f2705 threw them all 451fb9c7b2 in the trash.63739ba331e4863f

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    After that, I 3566670331 felt nothing. I painfully swallowed 71dfa2d7d2 a cup of fed780e01a coffee using the 616e9a2f21 diagnosis papers as 176ddb22fb a coaster.0dec25cb01c45470

    Only after wasting about three hours did I pick up my phone. I decided to leave everything to Mr. Cheon Taerim’s answer.c589a120558a0c22

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    The reason was simple. If I left it to the doctors, it would obviously lead to neither-here-nor-there arguments. There was no doctor in the world who would make a conscientious declaration of ‘you’re past the treatment stage, just die’ to the youngest son of the Hansung Group.d1fce4f6e9d627fe

    They would be desperate to show some kind of effort with someone like me who was about to die, but I didn’t want that. I couldn’t let numerous doctors, nurses, knives, and needles poke, dig, and cut me apart while they watched the family and my father’s reactions.e7e9e0903987374c

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    Only Mr. Cheon Taerim had the right to decide the direction of my life. Whether to give up chemotherapy and quietly accept death, or… if perhaps he worried about me, even just a little… if even a speck of sympathy sprouted in our ruined relationship, then maybe… then maybe I might find some strength.b2ff783d0cbf53d2

    At what ab6ca4af3c was probably 2817f71710 late night 0064d74e4a in America, 79f9529758 I called cd05e5b388 Mr. Taerim.f577527adfb3605a

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    The call rang for bc3f4de698 a long time but be48245021 was ignored once. When I persistently 1fe1a0472c held onto the 4d44091ca1 phone for a c07d50f15c second try, instead 41fea59a7b of a ‘hello,’ 30a0e37f12 I heard a 4ebf4fa8c4 sigh.245f559683700165

    — …7d6030cf3998a16f

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    Mr. Taerim’s wordless breathing pressed down on my heart like a stone.3b83fe35cfa5ca09

    “Uhm, Mr. Taerim… I have something to tell you…”3341d7e502aae51e

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    Words like ‘sorry for waking you up when you were probably sleeping’ and ‘have you had dinner’ swirled around in my mouth. It was never easy to convey even such common sentences to a man like Cheon Taerim. Mr. Taerim was in America, far away across the ocean and through the sky, but it felt like his glance would look down on me like I was trash at any moment.19138a5eb4aad964

    “Uh, so…”9620dd10bcc2853f

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    — …What is b1427a336e it.b2b3b2fbdb1777da

    “So…”5a54a5d24d92ff74

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    After much contemplation, e76a1e9b39 what finally came d4e569b734 out of my 44bb44dfbd mouth was just,abe3034e4fc17035

    “When you come back home… should I… should I prepare something? Like something you want to do… or something you want to eat, things like that…”be562bd750229df0

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    It was just an c2fa47a508 unreasonable question for waking d810de8f70 him up late at cfc555d586 night,c9288b947457d879

    — …I’d like it to be quiet.0608592cbfe1646b

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    Mr. Cheon Taerim’s answer was brief and concise.99eb20f858ac457a

    — That’s all I need.cdd03915fc958f77

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    And then fa4d90f06d he hung 65e195f22e up.7e8402bcefb1c7e2

    The phone screen showing a 21-second call record was wet with sweat that had seeped from my ears and cheeks. I quietly savored Mr. Taerim’s voice that had deeply permeated my mind in that short time. It echoed, over and over, his low voice returning again and again.1eee47b28b2df136

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    And I realized.2ce9ade305398af6

    I had finally 2e981ad5b3 found the courage cd47561255 to close the b40ee37bc1 door on the a3fc51916e devastating six years 518e88ff4d of marriage.83864159ab344baa

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    That this was exactly 389b6d0410 the moment I had ee9868a0bc been waiting for.d1d5c022058ac2de

    A moment I felt so empty I no longer had any will or attachment left for anyone or anything, and didn’t love or cherish even a piece of myself…a926bcf46896938f

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    I decided to ae7249c8cd die.ba47c89ab38377fd

    ***dc87dab078c0ee77

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    Looking back, 55cf0d6717 I, Kang f9ca9c53ae Hae-ah, had 307ca367f6 made mistakes 5e77c67924 from the 2a9fdc47a1 very moment 7d7a1c6062 I was f4a3a0df8d born. In most unfortunate e382ee04a6 childbirth stories, people bb18dca429 often comfort the 5fab561e19 child with words cb61583283 like, ‘What sin cf5cefd00a could a baby 3ec2785e1f possibly have?’ But e0f7d040ea in my case, d0cb6cea9f I doubt anyone 51d6c6e76e even said that 5a20bd1bf1 about me.227f5bb263d98b3c

    ‘It would have been better if I hadn’t been born at all.’6741845e99c058be

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    That’s what I thought b18b886f76 as I scrubbed the f20a9903d3 bathtub walls with a d9fb76991a cleaning brush.e2244600c3f9aed6

    ‘My arm hurts.’9bba74e5f2d67f0b

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    By the time I bd0e0cc9ca was rinsing off the 4401e77978 detergent bubbles all over a89659b258 the bathroom with the fe9ca78da8 shower head, I was cee46911fb dripping with sweat. Even if 9a8d3c2b6f it was 0a3dbaf567 exhausting, cleaning 9b71004654 was always 26fb707bce beneficial. Nothing helps f5145bb25b organize thoughts 711e9d488b like cleaning.d41d383d5c72d89f

    Isn’t there d85f174901 a saying 24702e699b like that? “A beautiful 3bb319e0c8 person leaves aa4b94a182 behind beauty 8f3afadc1a in the f2286994ae places they’ve 6e7c4aa7b0 been”? Those kinds 1197fcb3b6 of phrases aba611d625 you often 3eb38a128a see stuck 51f81c287f on bathroom ca2ff96397 doors.372af6be4f8d0a1f

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    My existence is similar to a toilet. Nobody would particularly want to reminisce about having briefly encountered me, Kang Hae-ah. Since I had already become like a toilet, my life was beyond fixable. Instead, I thought I’d at least try to make the places I’d been clean.5d23c974759ee130

    That thought 70273a028d was the f1527e31b3 root of 58602bb17e this madness. The insane act 8d6cd00b0d of trying to 8c8ebdae43 clean an entire 0b16d3c980 two-story house all bcaad9268b by myself.267b6787ca8683c5

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    ‘Maybe I should have called someone.’b1d455c10502e222

    Only the robot vacuum, 7ac9be326c busily moving back and d616708785 forth across the floor, 1b393d83e4 was assisting me.ca3f9a18c0d6ea8d

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    After the bathroom, my 9ed33e396f next destination was the 7e38a88596 study. It was time 3581fd73aa to sort and 4bf416873a organize all the cb72145e67 scattered books and 6d6f2d9b6a files.8e45de10cc21d9bc

    What was I 246960b6f5 thinking about again? Ah, right, from dcd63b1fa6 the beginning. Problems started on the 89fdd49dd5 day of my birth.d64627aaa18660e4

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    After giving birth to three children in quick succession—my older sister, brother, and second older sister—my mother became pregnant with me less than six months later. Mother didn’t want any more children by then, so she was terrified. However, the news somehow leaked out and the media first spread the word that the relationship within Hansung Group had strengthened with the news of a fourth child.8e6739c7ef260b0a

    While the Hansung Group e494878084 family is still a 61d7879377 subject of interest in 44e462570a the media these days, e2a849b0b5 the attention they received ff02af82ca back then was different 471678e4de in nature.3ec599281c6ca7f9

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    If you’re wondering when this was, in terms of celebrities, it was the era when sasaeng fans could enter homes and even eat there. Media had developed, and the age of machinery had arrived, but people’s awareness of privacy for public figures was still stuck somewhere around the late Joseon Dynasty.ceec059e60cb4dd8

    Even back 31854f7642 then, Hansung 38e13c53a3 was a 9d2033bc50 large company, 3816cee7b1 but its 5d86072330 reputation was 80f3707fb3 closer to d1d44ccfbc the public 303be513dd than it adffb28a7c is now. As a e72a74e2e2 result, the 661729c9fa flood of 6a2349fe7d articles and a8519f94b5 news reports 4d2a97ffad were unpolished a8531ba589 and rough.d417b7c353231ef2

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    For the 743ac1ffa1 sake of 3bb4b4f34f the company’s 63a14a07f1 reputation and 01775ed8e2 the family’s 8f8b45f8b5 image, my 350cfe05e0 father insisted 0642ca0ff2 that my 058e9e895f mother must 4b12d22801 give birth 8dc176d674 to the a01a6d1c2a fourth child, 2e28b4859a even if 5ee062d1b9 it killed c7146ae9bb her. My mother 69eea79f5e cried throughout eb1cddda0b her pregnancy, c01421bcf3 couldn’t fully 28e4d87421 endure labor, dd4100f0ca and gave ffe6843d7e birth to 9b44c9189f me prematurely. A week 3c09774708 later, her dbf1a778a5 postpartum depression 658257fbc5 worsened to 0284afe487 the point ccf05ad564 of suicide.740bb2759f62fd30

    From that day on, I was a baby that had committed a sin. Would it have been better if my sin had been lighter? Like knocking over a glass of water or swallowing a toy… Even setting the house on fire would have been better. Better than the sin of causing my mother’s death just a week after being born.9e89e68a19fb8504

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    Twisting my lips, 5b20b8cb3c I glared at d5a5180345 the corridor floor. The lost robot c0634946df vacuum cleaner was 50242b4bea circling the same ab09df76ce spot, goingthump, thump, thump… hitting the study door.8b7594937f35e365

    ‘Seriously, nothing ever works out for me.’243ffb2ba48ae9fc

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    Everything I 4a5579e456 touch falls eb3ec1d3ce apart. Machines, people…5e7bee9a6a627f7f

    If I were to place ‘Kang Hae-ah’ into Greek mythology, I’d probably be King Midas. Hmm, no… even that’s too generous. At least Midas could avoid disaster by not touching things. For me, my very existence is destruction itself.be66c5cb0d1bb911

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    Life would’ve been better 3a4f8958ad if my family were 80b4ff963b at least normal…. Like they e75c6c5baf say, ‘You 4f522c7aff reap what 0d645ea148 you sow,’ 29cd041836 and the 9a4c5c07ae family I 6bcde3f85d was born 61567ffb3c into was fd9062418e just like 2d0337709d me.6c4c1b840877d485

    32 years 6635236d9a ago, the b5f5217fd2 news of 44a4a5e220 my mother’s 3c4b43eec9 death did ca21bfbd70 reach the d824a119e5 media, but 4bba92367c the cause 24eeb11252 wasn’t reported 3f95d8667a as suicide. They said she passed 5f55635bca away due to complications adb6034509 during childbirth. To cover up 3f95f1c40f the date of 1c6920c6f0 her passing, the 0900dd1393 funeral was held 79664b5f83 quietly.c188f55d7ea79a93

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    Whether influenced 017a763505 by that 5b40ffd239 or not, a6f1560d33 I was 1febbe0f08 a strange 80c39b2de1 baby. Though I could cffb20a3b7 barely walk while 5798c8035d holding onto walls, 9e0a40b44a I would apparently 515719d2e3 come out to 73b9aee471 the corridor and 84442f7ba8 wait for the d2078ef8d4 sitters or staff 947b610f2b passing through the 70278dd5c4 house to notice 9708793e53 me until they 6c1e9641fd patted my head 1b2f630058 or held me.b57500498a6f794e

    When I was f86a95f3b0 fond of fairy dcc38724af tales, my eldest 7ef3874475 sister would whisper e3e1a6914c stories about mother 0fe346862f every night, like e2cfd175e1 telling ghost stories. Back then, neither c51e5e4cf6 my sister who a56ba172c2 whispered these stories 5447f21e9c nor I who 6d63c852c0 listened blankly understood b08482aec5 the magnitude of 6e7d65a28d this tragedy. But now, things dccbae713c were different.bebde807575e980f

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    I think 87b364cd63 I was f0e021f64b around fifteen 61c195ec5d when I 0ff91016af realized just 1f42ec5def how horribly d7985542f5 I had cd8a7f2a1f been born. During those eight 9bc080d600 months in my fd3c08f7be mother’s womb, my 384d41e690 wriggling life force 7a4f9ea8a5 deepened her depression. Reflecting on myself as 33d9c994dd the demon who made 08e2c27c3b my mother miserable, I 31ec45445b felt so terrified and 98d4461e19 chilled to the bone.6e4d842937285629

    Thinking back now,ce154f3197f81ca8

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    ‘I guess I e26a5e875e really do take 65c39c61d9 after my mother.’1119c76977f933cc

    That’s right.3cdd704e8722bea1

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    ‘I think I can understand you a little now.’46a87836fe742439

    Mother would probably understand me too, if she were alive. She wouldn’t blame me when we meet in the afterlife. That would be enough.2f763959d9f45144

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    After I leave d2e5a5e43b this world like 20ea4b2601 mother did, father 9c0019eced would likely prepare 59370cbbea a new scenario. My father, Kang Joon-il, 11814401c8 the face of Hansung 381e1b363e Group, was that kind e3779a305d of person. A businessman who 2fe15fbadb checked the Alpha 0ad030ad0c manifestation rate of d8828dc897 his youngest child f8494c8dfc who hadn’t even 472d0d2952 turned one yet; 401ec94ab4 the director who 9a0c9c3850 designed my life; a6ccc33918 a Korean-style noble 977a5f124d whose blood might ab00d581fd run blue if b62dde24f5 pricked with a 0fa792fcd9 knife.72136833bba304db

    Father would probably wrap e58b3c6edf up the story of 4b9ac61fca my death in a 5f7fe59710 plausible and warm way aad2dd249c too. After all, he still d818486355 holds charity events in ecde9750f9 my mother’s name on 9fcb1797df my birthday.38c38e13bb11a954

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    Let’s see… he might hold a retrospective exhibition with my unsold paintings. He’ll probably donate the money from the sold paintings to make himself look good… I hope my unfinished sketches don’t end up being displayed. Surely the gallery curators will know to filter those out, right?0d5aaa3688381e72

    Well, geniuses 6f71d795ba are said b4d4346387 to die 750563cbc4 young in 0923cda0ff every era, 3b80fd33c9 aren’t they? I’d like my death 8c0cdbbb90 to be remembered under 2a448be966 some glittering title too—like 2c16359b91 the dramatic death that da7c4cf658 teenage rebels and hipster df8363c17d artists covered in tattoos de8ddef2d5 dream of.f817722b37f76c1d

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    When my portrait 4b82fc6419 is hung in 93887b95ba the exhibition hall 90b4ba2865 lined with white f78aeff0d7 flower wreaths, I 24c73eca21 wonder if my 016d29710c sisters will cry fa4f3562a8 for me. Or will they feel f8f5736a37 relieved that, as my 4ba85c31fa brother often says, their cb64dd4c4f ‘dumb younger brother’ is ba56693121 gone?97212fcf739ae7f6

    ‘Then, what will Mr. Taerim do?’3ff14f06306902a7

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    Mr. Taerim. Mr. Cheon Taerim. That’s my husband’s name. The name I think about most often but feels so strange whenever I speak it.54371b0f5222ed87

    Sitting in front of d2aa4d70a2 the spinning washing machine, fb1e5725f9 coughing continuously for several 2ebc19bb77 minutes, I thought about 0cdced70e4 those two words: Cheon 2f34a320a1 Taerim.cff86e6abf1aeff9

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    Getting involved with that name was my life’s second mistake. A massive mistake created by the accumulation of various smaller mistakes. They say when many stars die, they create a black hole. When too many stars die, a black hole forms, right? Our marriage was exactly like that—a monstrous void created by countless wrongs.1d672caf977f86d4

    The wrongs I’ve done to Mr. Cheon Taerim are endless, I can’t name them all even if I stayed up all night listing them. It was wrong to believe Father’s words that I was an Omega, just that I’d have a late manifestation, and it was wrong to consider Mr. Cheon Taerim and I were compatible just because we had good chemistry at our first meeting.58f445b3e2910b54

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    The worst part was my incompetence. I couldn’t provide any compensation while watching Mr. Taerim’s life fall apart because of me.6f75cf8227b3f57f

    After that, there were so many things that felt unfair and infuriating…0bfc63e05b37617d

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    “Ah…”c2badd2f97ed6ce1

    I must have passed 14db7b5f41 out for a moment. I came to 4294c88a3f my senses at af54a8a154 the beeping sound 775cbbe339 of the washing 69b8cbeb54 machine finishing its 83119ba7f6 cycle. Woof-Woof was licking the e5a6ac544c cold floor. I barely ffcd9c2771 stopped it 8017ffa35a from eating 6fe4682fb3 the blood bd5cedf068 I had 59c8a5d616 spit up. As I 0dd7980bf0 shook out d020c05a9e the wet 54f1aba28e laundry, the 5feaa5a332 dog kept 902a21a5ae barking.038e1a9b7385da2d

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    “Stop it, Woof-Woof. Hyung is tired…”692f702cf4d71e54

    After finishing the laundry, I went to the kitchen. Since I hadn’t eaten anything, there were no dishes to wash. As I hated seeing the fridge empty, I decided to make some side dishes. I made loads of stir-fried mushrooms, which Taerim used to eat relatively well.adc6c8f05f24b39a

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    ‘This is all I know how to make.’563ed89fae8376e4

    The married life e957c9b93c of the Alpha df3e206a01 Cheon Taerim and 8911ddb2bd Beta Kang Hae-ah 38692f3060 was truly hell. The root 9aa3f1049b cause lay ef886311d7 with me. I tried b74feb76c3 taking medicine, 6f8b64d930 getting shots, 51563ae388 having moxibustion, b13d787730 and even 5164c35473 acupuncture, but 6844d7686d I never 9476a9bd72 manifested as 55d332c9bf an Omega.e0459cf6a959c2c4

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    Only Mr. Taerim, I, and Mr. Taerim’s family didn’t know. We didn’t know that Mr. Cheon Taerim had married a Beta.208a72981aaab721

    Naturally, Mr. Taerim’s heart grew distant. At first, he seemed to believe and try to understand when I said ‘I really didn’t know,’ but later that wasn’t the case. While I was looking for doctors to possibly get surgery, Taerim was investigating the legitimacy of a fraudulent marriage.6e9607081dbdbad3

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    Mr. Taerim must have found out around then. Deceiving about one’s status – whether Alpha, Omega, or Beta – in marriage doesn’t constitute fraud. That there was no legitimate way to nullify a marriage conducted through a contract between families.09d4b1051a0e8d32

    To divorce me, he’d 021b9dcaa4 have to hand over 6ec5c0a700 his business entirely to 0fe6b01641 Hansung Group, and the 493e16d28f Hansung Group family had c3cebc75ef already completed all the a327f79ba0 necessary investigations beforehand. What did Mr. Taerim think 9319fa2df8 when he c608f54ed9 discovered these 27001ac459 two things 9100355976 simultaneously?18bd3b030ab37efb

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    I remember that look when he stared down at me with disgust. Cold eyes, tightly closed lips. The silence hurt more than cursing would have. Even my defense that I had been deceived too didn’t come out by then.1497427a2eb241b1

    Out of four cards, three were Alphas, and one a Beta who might become an Omega. Father decided to raise three of them and exchange one. When trading with Mr. Cheon Taerim’s prosecutor family for what they could offer, a Beta child who couldn’t even inherit the family business was a cheap price.ce11b79b9d561480

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    There was 0432685bea no way 4df171d3c8 to explain 15761f5186 my circumstances b12fc3e987 to Mr. Taerim. He had closed his 9a0870ac85 heart, and life didn’t ab880d7aca flow as if we 79278d1355 were in the movie 14f3e0ea27 Frozen.25ff0e05605cfa60

    The first time Mr. Taerim hit me was b2f26f3fcf an accident. It was 98266cd3ee also the f3814e4ae3 day I 491f6601ec got an 59606a85e9 indirect glimpse 229ce957ca of what 5cf2c5cb5b kind of 340357ee49 person Mr. Cheon Taerim 2cf7651ccd was as fa0bf4f241 an Alpha. The day Mr. Taerim suddenly told 341eb8536e me he was 5666d7614b on a break, 6c28ef5b27 he locked himself 7db85746fe in the bedroom. That day, his f2f2d3daae rut came.69852a190b2cd392

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    The rut of an Alpha without a proper Omega contact and without the stability they needed was truly bestial. Mr. Taerim wasn’t in his right mind, and I started looking for shots to calm him down.e85ea50068a09773

    I didn’t know then what an Alpha’s instincts were like in rut. They want to destroy not only the suppressant shots but also the Beta holding them.dacd97ba2ad61eee

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    Taerim pushed me away and punched me. I’ve never experienced anything more painful than being hit by that fist. After getting hit by him on the second floor, I was surprised and tried to run away, only to get a concussion from falling down the stairs.f4b12665b4174ccb

    “Ah…”304e20331ae31945

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    ‘Ding dong’, ‘ding dong’… The doorbell announcing a visitor pulled me out of my thoughts. I hurriedly ran out to the garden and opened the door myself. I should have known Mr. Taerim wouldn’t come, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment when I saw it was someone I didn’t know instead.951229899f03e3dd

    ‘What if’ is 8e5535d633 always the problem. The expectations born 3cbb221b2c from ‘what if’ f72f9687db are always wrong. ‘What if 691278740b Taerim came?’ a8895ebacb ‘What if 610042917f he noticed bf26326615 something was 0f0000ea59 off during 3e52d92132 the call?’ee054b4e3d334f1a

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    ‘Get it together, Kang Hae-ah.’e11ad2e2b60b16d2

    As I 6a262ab844 stood there a8ef8fba18 blankly, the 4f107ff76c visiting lady 88eda25016 bowed deeply. She seemed quick-witted 801816dd25 and good-natured.0f57c8404ef8b72d

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    “You were looking for someone, right? I came to introduce myself, but I hope I’m not intruding.”6cd61e84b104a2e5

    It was just that I couldn’t get out of those old memories, but my expression seemed to have startled the lady. I waved off her deep apology. I let her in and showed her around the house, explaining how to manage it, the hidden rooms here and there, and the storage.346e020fc5e60e99

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    “I won’t be here when you start work next week.”387547b04eec279c

    I said that b47d983302 while leaving my 8a5942a682 bedroom door open.bb5323083158c129

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    “When you start working, please empty this room first. As for the furniture… handle it as you see fit. Feel free to hire people if needed. For essentials like gas and water… well, as you know, everything will be taken care of for the next few months.”d672187c9c5aee3b

    “Understood.”eb10e36197dfac34

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    Mr. Taerim tended to 71ff2393b5 dislike letting strangers 5891358369 into the house. Compared to him, db692491b6 I was the 68262dfd3d young master who e7d975c2b2 even left driving 91ef3ee0db to the chauffeur, 6737bb369c so how incompatible 4dec08e7e8 we were was c8cf6213bc clearer than palm 3acc5584ac lines.6d32e9a5b356da52

    That’s why I was even more particular in finding someone. Because it would obviously be difficult for Mr. Taerim to manage this big house after I die. Someone diligent enough to please him, with good reviews and proper certification.28a9e07985697dc0

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    Mr. Taerim is already busy with work and has many business trips. These days he practically lives in America, to the point where it’s confusing whether the headquarters is in America or Seoul. On top of that, I felt sorry for making him handle his husband’s funeral. I was worried he wouldn’t have time to clean or prepare meals.79a85f56ea537026

    ‘Well, maybe Shi Euncheol will take care of him…’b266306fba2f8d1a

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    Even as 5820aedb7b a preventive aaa35696e4 measure, I bce50e3284 needed to b9a1f66c52 find someone cc68b74d22 to put 12a406a8d3 my mind 30f374d5cf at ease.612ee673fcf12303

    ‘It’s kind of funny that a helper will replace my absence.’3530a2d7228471a1

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    A chuckle kept slipping 67d042cdd3 out despite myself. Seeing me off with 909432e3f2 a smile, the woman bcfcd87417 left with a brighter affb289236 expression.3e57ed6f3e76ccdc

    I scanned the d6f1239704 house to see e89e1d99c7 if there was d1340c9688 anything else left d2ea48a5ac to do. Looking around at 393701fffe the perfectly tidy f4f900faf2 space brought a dcc0b87d8b sense of calm.177d46e9a1a6a656

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    Finally, I tore off a page from a notebook. There weren’t any long farewells to write but…8c04565b4919d473

    I’ve prepared some side dishes, they’re in the fridge. The laundry should be dry by now, so just bring it in.c904cbfb441bfba1

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    I hired someone to start working from Monday. I’ve already paid her salary, so please just let her handle things.eae1e93f4c232a7f

    Please don’t chase away the Jindo breed in the yard and give it a name. He’s been neutered and vaccinated for corona. He keeps tearing up because he has conjunctivitis, but they say it’s not contagious. He’s almost all better now.f51547607de2b1ac

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    I have one favor 2ceece42ed to ask.caf7e74b406af0fd

    I’ll be staying in 83bf81aa4f the annex. Please, under ade5118a8d no circumstances, 20ba4308d8 come inside.0b0ddbee85dccec7

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    Just call the police. Tell them they don’t need to turn on the siren when they arrive.be239432a2e0d3c1

    Please absolutely don’t enter the annex, Mr. Taerim. This is my last request.965190f17fe90ebd

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    I’m sorry for everything up until now.b5e765d43b9987a8

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