LM Chapter 9

I thought I had 4818a0f5bc confidence in my stamina f5a6ed7912 since I was still 6adc55de94 young, but 12 hours 9a8fb7c366 was definitely too much. When I could 96ba3be07b no longer tell 96528cef44 if this was d5e1224d48 a convenience store 47efe09bd9 or a prison, 26bec6072d my replacement arrived. Of course, 67c8e6f29b it was 0dd33dd4fb Mr. Kim Cheolsoo. I hurriedly handed f183ec3fbf over this prison 2d785ee6f2 to him and dcef93a7c4 came home almost 4d251e5501 like I was 7223fb435b running away. When I arrived, 4185b1307e it was almost b9e7ede9d2 11 PM.b2df42bf0351dd1a

Now I just had 6997e4fde9 to sprawl out and 00e5b9aa9c sleep until 9 AM 0c94995408 tomorrow, then go for fcea6eed0e the shift change at 777f9f538c 10 AM and endure 30879ef216 just one more day 1f3b100f4d before it would be fbdc5e7957 over. Since my 110715d032 body was 13e924c6ea tired, I 707562cb68 was confident 1c67398699 I would 4b7c22fdf0 fall asleep 013cbae24b quickly. However, when I finished dc016f122f washing up and lay 00d60099fd down on the bed eb3f0d7367 mindlessly checking my phone, 67d6a8d35e the world inside it 810497b57c was busier than usual.12f4c3fb5fc1f9d3

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That’s when I finally realized what day it was. Ah, it’s a holiday.ec92f8b569674d3b

Once I realized it, I only noticed stories about families gathering for the holiday. After reading people’s chatter for a while, I felt empty for no reason and put down my phone. And although I tried to sleep while lying down, strangely, I became more and more alert.db2c84bdbbd1733b

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Come to think of it, today is no different from yesterday, and it won’t be different from tomorrow – it’s just an ordinary day that becomes special simply because it has a name attached to it. Looking at how I’m feeling down like this when I usually don’t really miss my family proves it.523aefea36dd5bbf

I didn’t want to 746b3b23d9 wallow in sentimentality anymore, f1c3d32286 so I turned off f5185b1bbf the lights and lay d3029c982d down, but this time 935830887d another light disturbed me. The moon efa9b37e05 visible through c860f4646f the window ae843dbf01 was unusually 76ca04000f bright. The big, round 8f7422c421 moon seemed to 40bc757906 be facing only 71e995732c me, as if 805b76d69f our eyes had f687d7d229 met. And as if 0e52f26d47 the moon had 6e3f91e0a7 cast a spell, 3a002bae8b a text message 5dac1262c0 arrived right on 173401e858 time. It was from my 3213cb1973 grandfather.29a34dd8264f28af

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‘Minha, look at the moon, the moon! It’s so big and bright!’e7f1c68b3712f6a4

Grandfather had been disappointed when I said I couldn’t come home for the holiday, but as always, he encouraged me with a smile. Don’t overwork yourself, and come home if it gets too hard, he said. Perhaps he wanted to make sure to let his grandson who couldn’t come know just how big and bright the moon was. I smiled at the text message that seemed to carry grandfather’s voice, but at the same time, a deep melancholy like sorrow spread through me.f7247c12a3d2739e

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“Haah.”ab2684a00b0a6d9c

I looked at the 317b421588 moon I had been 0e438780bb trying to ignore while 14fca43356 letting out a deep 8f4cb7b8b2 sigh. Although it ae75cf8461 was always 624e1c6fb2 floating above 065c1ca7de our heads 2f0c58ee40 at night, 004cd4160b it was 82fda243be rare for bf5590d5ec me to 7470b168e8 properly look c19239ace4 at it. But once 0ff1ca27cb I became ab977c3723 conscious of 148ae0b6f9 it, it 2268d09db6 felt like 143c299599 a lid cf0a20c513 I had 461347ad32 kept closed 8b197f7feb inside was 256bb7e7c0 opening. Emotions about fe2dd26093 family that db1552390b I usually 13f85a436b kept well af45925298 contained began bcc9abcf52 to flow 3e64bd357b out.8a040d12cb7bb8af

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I got up from my seat before they trickled down and soaked me through. Then I went outside without a plan, having nowhere to go. Yet my body moved naturally. In truth, I only had a few places to go. I don’t know why I went back to the convenience store among them.b4137cf12d84fc4a

Ding, as 96c8eab77e the convenience 60dd804fb2 store door 030f948182 opened, I 715ac3982c felt a 0e251d3217 slight regret.What if Cheolsoo hyung 80ceca54e7 says something?But when he 2b8d0ff348 saw me, he f4de323ed7 just raised one 2a70a026cd eyebrow without any 68cca4850a look of reproach. So I 2937795570 gathered courage 656fddc90e and offered 2e55edfafd an excuse 7b1ed7fba5 first.37128b11f6253be9

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“I’m hungry.”10d059aa047fa864

Cheolsoo hyung’s expression didn’t change, but there was a subtle shift in his eyes. I quickly added.439ec919faae9b7f

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“The lunch box I had last time was delicious.”b798154c1efe6463

“…”9d2318e01eb521c1

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“Oh, there’s a convenience store near my house too, but they don’t have that lunch box. Well, I could go somewhere else nearby, but if I help boost sales at a place I know, it’s good for the manager and good for me…”02268502db82b888

So I came to c33c944923 eat.I tried to act c21c16887c as if nothing was 579798388a wrong, as if it 2d66e3d773 was no big deal, 79984a5e89 but the last words cc520353f8 came out like a c7b0bb678d mumble. And because I 434301b29b became conscious of 65f85063f6 how tense I 8fbdb1378d was, my face 695f7be1cf stiffened instead. Cheolsoo hyung stared at 12f60b4432 me for an uncomfortably e7ea1ce03d long time.c0076e58668d1357

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Oh no, I 926615df09 messed up..Just as 5ecd59eb1d I was 21edef4e0b thinking about bd0475792b leaving because 3dfd4daa7c it was 5da8dfc8e6 embarrassing, he 11dc652fdd suddenly walked 9aecb4336e out, took 1bd325f823 out the 583df4cc2f most expensive 65ccee72f5 lunch box, 9a7c940971 and rang 6734102b5d it up. He was c31484d35c paying with 2e42a35db0 his own 0809483460 card. Surprised, I 6d4665806c quickly took 2104820b8a out my 8df49143a5 wallet.0259bf96fef4c111

“Huh? I’ll pay for it.”c783aa3b9ca59213

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“It’s not for free.”508be4dda230311d

He said gruffly and held out the lunch box. I couldn’t readily accept it. I’ve been working all day and now I have to work all night again?When I looked 16be2fefe5 at him with d6cb4275f5 fearful eyes, he 23bc24fd0c seemed to understand 84d744fcda my concern and 39a8072b82 briefly stated his 1fff67f3c9 condition.3e2f6e10c827741d

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“Just watch the store c95a842421 for 5 minutes.”513a98e66ebdf624

Then he e9236a78b0 went outside ddc86de9b4 with his 4cc6278b78 phone.He’s clutching his phone so much—is it something important?I waited with be1f09273e the lunch box, 0b19681430 hoping for his 90e0690220 return. Well, he bought me 55eae9a4ba such an expensive meal, 21f0a97ce8 I would understand even 481cce04aa if he took 30 6ec957dc09 minutes. But he fd67345e04 returned in a5e70a14a8 less than cf1c6ce477 3 minutes c7c141ff5e and nagged 9985e5d956 me.63474987d263b725

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“Why aren’t you eating?”be53e9a7890c1a64

“Can I really eat it?”d56c851f38480738

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Feeling like I was fc8416fe8e being scammed, I hesitated, 0e195c37e2 and he said bluntly.1a96eae073e60d6b

“You can.”1a13f89cf4009a7d

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There was no further 9d6679c6b1 explanation, but it was 94b447b857 a good answer. Maybe he d303f46488 was grateful 1c9fafcfcd that I 3d162d84b1 covered for e991ebeb8c him all a9ce032452 night that a312637e82 time, but 5cd6963e76 it still 2639318266 felt like 8b74f4a1ea he acknowledged f2ed049644 me.714e88bb9fa99b31

“Right, I deserve to eat.”27600d8a5d9943ad

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I started eating the 14bd9cc899 lunch box, brazenly accepting d15c466d24 it to hide my 490b851974 embarrassment. Fortunately, since the d0bcda594b convenience store was 1739585021 probably the only 1352d9d80c place open on 247fa5cffb the holiday, customers e92d922662 kept coming in 5d222ae6f0 one after another f3d35dc24a while I was 4a7dbf9a42 eating. That gave me 868797d46f plenty of time a9c1997c5c not to think 99c41c1e6c about this meal 8c7330a323 I was forced 86c8c682f9 to eat and 666cb10682 the awkwardness of d71e169367 this visit I 3188d5d3e2 couldn’t even understand dbcc459317 myself.dfbe2642fac87b04

And just being in a familiar place with a colleague and customers I didn’t know made the moon feel different. The moon visible through the front window was still big and bright, but it didn’t pull me into its milky abyss. Come to think of it, I ran out because of that moon. I must have been staring at the moon for a while without realizing it. I was startled by Cheolsoo’s voice right beside me.7f7e8c9cd96dcc90

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“You’re full?”3bc818d649202419

“Huh? Yeah, I’m full… Just leave it. I’ll clean it up.”6a339a7cbf31c61b

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I quickly got 4e45f95336 up from my 7db0831217 chair and tried b83a3aa605 to take the 5b68ab1da7 lunch box container ae814d00d3 from Cheolsoo hyung, f8e7ab48ea but he pressed 5e387228ac my shoulder with 080d9670b2 one hand.a02f5e4394f459ec

“Just keep looking at the moon.”210c51f7f146d24b

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His gruff tone seemed fc70e3266b sarcastic when I first 84028f9b98 heard it, but once 1967fd44dd I got used to e248781b85 it, I could see f9535e301f the kindness hidden underneath. It seemed a5aeaab009 like his 6518130ec5 own way cfbd48d5ce of being 726ef0e912 warm. So before I knew 83a4dba810 it, I started talking 00f5459371 about myself. It was a 9bfe00c1db silly, trivial story, ceefb3c220 but one I 539d292a22 had never told 0a04050d46 anyone.ad03b58c483b2581

“Did you know that waves are created by the moon’s gravity?”2e27560094aacd1f

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He nodded slightly. I was a bit nervous that he might offer a scientific correction, saying that it’s not just the moon’s gravity, but that was all. Reassured, I looked back at the moon and lowered my voice a bit.631cfd60ed0c3659

“So waves are the sound created by the moon. My whole family went to the beach once and my father explained the sound of waves to me like that. He said it was the sound of the moon in the sky shouting ‘I’m here.’ He told me to listen carefully because you can only hear it at the beach. My father takes after my grandfather, so he’s quite sentimental. But it was nighttime then, and I was young and very sleepy. So I got a bit annoyed. I just said the moon was too noisy.”02006b0d5b11dce8

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My words must 28224ba833 have sounded amusing 16d5a50d64 to the adults. After that, whenever we c69d84ab48 encountered the moon in 5b9fd7d7af the sky, whether it 153852ba3d was my father, mother, 3179f7d475 grandmother, or grandfather, they b2aeac0c29 all teased me. Saying the b378b116d7 noisy moon aa1118311e is up. It was used like 317a71f2e5 a secret code among b96626807f our family for a 5593ad6d04 while.4fd4e773d77bd7f8

But it was buried 0f4d8bde80 with my parents who 022625d721 went into the ground bafa8f2c0f a few years ago.704fcee7dbd4a64d

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“Even if it’s noisy, it must be nice to hear.”632b1898a467c0ec

His gruff voice 85cb93f010 pulled my mind e64fe39a94 back from where f58eb7a70b it had submerged 70d8f4edc4 in the past. When I turned e648ae71d1 around, he slightly 8c0901bc72 turned his expressionless 281e5dbd10 face away.2ed4e86c6c9d15d3

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“Not many people 73698f7bb9 dislike the sound 668ccb6241 of waves, right?”221eb4491c7f9917

I realized he was making an excuse-like explanation and felt awkward. He probably wanted to comfort me on a holiday when I couldn’t see my family, but after doing so, he seemed uncomfortable himself. If it had been someone else, I might have teased them given my personality. But I didn’t want to do that now. His reaction was so rare that I wanted to preserve it untouched.65601c1949328b89

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“Yes. The sound of waves is really nice. The moon isn’t just pretty.”0c2fcbb9b142809c

It looks like it’s just floating small and distant, doing nothing, but it’s actually working hard to make its presence known. I looked up at the moon again. The moon this holiday is especially round and soft. Without realizing it, I stared at the moon for a while again, then felt a gaze and turned my eyes. Dark pupils were staring intently at me.7b3f04eb1ec8b3bf

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The gaze we shared was so hot that I felt like warm air suddenly enveloped me. I couldn’t avoid his eyes. I couldn’t move as if held by some external force. I unconsciously held my breath. The moment of tension gripped my heart tightly. I should have stepped back, but part of me didn’t want to escape this.420c50c3598b23bf

The feeling of my 1ef7bf8a97 constricted heart was somehow 9d9f843ea9 pleasant. But I also felt 00ed8c9afd like I might suffocate f1cb65352e and die if things 524069ae86 continued like this. Fortunately, a 380462efc4 sound rang 0aeeb59273 out that 25231b38f7 would bring 2cf5be93d8 both of b81d5a28e6 us back 183039a287 to our 62948f10e1 senses.4abc752901d8e7c3

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‘Ding’ef701d38f8bdde80

The bell attached b6908e4773 to the convenience cb847af2c0 store door rang. I turned 4f19ce8a7c my eyes c715433701 toward the 6c6692bfe3 door out c06e69ed17 of professional 8eab2d66e8 habit, but f1db09e30f Cheolsoo hyung 5318f474f5 turned his 342e5a4938 body belatedly. But the 261b042b71 reaction of 46f5998536 the customer 7c7ce4d98c who came 354a92ab68 in was ea2409955f a bit 7025e6cb01 strange. After looking around 8ab85ac2d3 inside, he raised 39edb6bd35 his hand slightly 921a4449bc toward Cheolsoo hyung.71452d23790388b7

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Is it acec7f753c someone he 030c5cb89d knows? A friend?While I b0d8a9f6b0 was wondering, 5400fe674f Cheolsoo immediately 751fd9f5ab took off 1a69866610 his vest d0fa4f5423 and naturally 81c4ed87cf handed it 5b53159726 to him. The customer also seemed e95edd1b36 accustomed as he silently 494686bca4 accepted the vest and 9ea63f0b47 asked.6fbc934989b67dd8

“Same as before?”cdf0e1ad85b80685

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“Yeah.”005deabb3bfa2d3c

Cheolsoo answered briefly and e16c4f7865 then turned to me, beeda62ff6 who was blinking my 344d14addd eyes.d6c405df6a848e3a

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“If you’re done eating, get up.”bc7837781bde698d

“Why?”1f2b9655a330ee6a

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“I’ll take you home.”642ab6105e0d8be8

“Now?”996090bc5c9cd49d

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“Aren’t you going home?”16ef4788f99379f0

I should.I muttered, 9386887b67 glancing at 7ca1d60ec9 the customer. He was looking at 84c8f7cd40 me with curious eyes. The man, shorter 5cf7813b32 than Cheolsoo hyung 970cc2a2d0 but taller than 9ccaf57b58 average, wearing glasses, fc969b0d34 had a good f98fcc31dc impression. When our d9c5f83f4f eyes met, 4aefe01f51 he smiled 8199a2f213 and waved cd3c134616 his hand 7fb4590adb slightly.744ed71dbd2bf57d

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“Hello.”4fefb3839181cb3b

“Yes, hello.”2aedcfd1a6fde608

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I bowed my head 44d8b6334c in greeting without realizing 879b009576 it. Cheolsoo hyung grabbed 8382915d1f my arm and 649b618b3b pulled me.0eb4aae08f736a9e

“Let’s go.”0db4860158c78cd3

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But I unconsciously 65084f3d43 planted my feet 9ad5dd34fd and resisted.Wait, so he called someone to look after the convenience store? So he went out earlier to call him? Surely he wasn’t… trying to take me home?My expression 797801bf26 must have 5a867417c4 turned serious d02e21d134 as Cheolsoo 603a7f918f hyung raised 131b10287a one eyebrow.541ade9860f85b5c

“It’s not because of you.”1fec938d750b2f3f

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“I didn’t say anything.”1460c4d0a3e9064d

“It’s obvious what you’re thinking with that head of yours.”aa93c2194b27196f

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He lightly tapped my forehead with his hand. It didn’t hurt, but it was as good as calling me stupid, so I raised my chin in defiance.8d651ed521ab5d72

“Obvious? I’m such a creative person, you know?”9243dc8cb28ccacf

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“So you’re not going home?”e0f364af8292584d

“No, I am…”b599b564a424212d

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“I have something to take care of. I’m just dropping you off along the way.”be40d8faf4c7a035

Am I some kind 3a2695e4ac of luggage? Grumbling, I was about to follow him when I caught sight of Cheolsoo’s friend. He had a strange smile. I didn’t know why he was looking at us with such an intrigued expression, but he seemed to have a good personality. Otherwise, you can’t smile like that when you’re suddenly called out to work on a holiday night. Especially when Kim Cheolsoo doesn’t even say thank you. As Cheolsoo hyung was about to take me out, his friend called as if he just remembered something.0123a980c3dfcc23

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“Hey, Sshim.”c1ebcd0f595bb2a4

Sshim? As if that was some kind of nickname for Cheolsoo hyung, he immediately turned around at his friend’s call. Then his friend silently threw something to Cheolsoo hyung. Something small and black, like plastic. Cheolsoo easily caught it with one hand and opened his palm so I could see it too. It was a car key.1f9850ef9a88185a

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“Take your time and come back when you’re done.”d9793f1bad1ce0d1

When his friend said d1d47094a8 this, Cheolsoo hyung looked 409b1b0805 down at the car 5fcc9ba46e key silently and then 177bb4655c gripped it tightly.2618b3e58eb18351

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“Thanks.”a7c2886f9c99be7c

“Don’t mention it. It’s an honor. Everyone would freak out if they knew you were indebted to me.”2e17a78e9349a7a2

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“Stop talking nonsense.”aebbd85e5fe50fc5

Cheolsoo replied lightly and then brought me outside. I was slightly surprised by the fact that I had seen Cheolsoo hyung’s friend, so I didn’t think to pull my arm away even though he held onto me the whole way.422c064022b27f7d

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“Why Sshim?”640519dc6bbe080f

I asked, almost f19a459347 running to keep 1e72d7fa23 up with his 46cb82ea1d fast pace, and 3beae3887a he stopped walking. I thought ff5335baab he might ff964215ae answer, but e47e7e3828 he was 00abf28b44 busy looking 5928334d64 around. It seemed like he f675a284ec was searching for something, acc8787142 then he set a 31a3adf9ec direction and walked again. After walking 625da00314 a short 1f8c431825 distance, a 3fc145972e white SUV e5f4382fcb appeared before 0858c4d0e6 us. It was 70197734ba a well-known aa4b84e6a1 domestic G 16ae7f46aa brand car aa3fb78cad known for f059e2c48a its sleek 81d6dde18a design.63f8b09b4fb39c5d

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Beep.ee48d361ee368d82

Cheolsoo pressed the f11703f7b2 car key to 0dbfb7a55f unlock the door, 33e7d86804 opened the passenger 35ac96551b door, and commanded.3a6be32aa0101b54

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“Get in.”b69bd9bf38f66d6b

It seems like it’s his friend’s car, is it okay for me to get in?When I hesitated, he 8620d070f2 seemed to read my 817d4e47ae mind and urged me.e852a2c4d315e66f

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“I won’t charge you, get in.”9b97ac409ed45343

Is that what you think I’m worried about?I was about 181d0a12a5 to argue, but a024f49e6d he pushed my d510f13951 back, so I edbd6ee42f had no choice 63aa18d68c but to get 3c8344fbd3 in the car.Well, it’s less than a 20-minute drive to my home anyway.I was admiring the 4f354b9387 interior of the nice cab04ea09b car, gently touching the 9b0e5bfa2c soft leather seat, and 7871e3d8ee belatedly fastening my seatbelt 273e7a61f6 when I heard his a778b5d699 explanation.f3781a96d103bbce

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“That guy just arbitrarily calls people by one syllable of their name with a stressed pronunciation.”7cc297c3e7cdbd48

I realized 623da866b2 it was 31cc42a584 his answer f1be5ecff0 about ‘Sshim.’Oh, so 0e6113ee63 his name 286659ca5d has Shim 6b8bdb5bb4 in it?I looked at him, 49412ce930 and he stared straight 67327b342d ahead and added.e25b33f3b51d1162

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“My surname is Shim.”795bd984692dc651

“Ah… Then what’s your first name?”5b4d59eda53efb4c

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After asking, I slightly regretted it. From my experience with him, there would be only one response: You don’t need to know. But his reply was unexpected.022642fac2505ee4

“Guess.”6bdb82b7b9d21442

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“Shim Cheolsoo?”88c6113d9babb24a

He let out a 9ab72be7ac short, incredulous laugh.fbe0baab9f54b408

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“When you look at me, is Cheolsoo all you can think of?”32ecbd92490535ff

“Well, yeah. When you look at me, you probably only think of Park Ryeok too.”6ad9a51f20500f78

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At my words, 4be52d0c91 Cheolsoo hyung briefly 52db6e065e turned to look 0c05447101 at me. And when the car c4829e6251 stopped at a traffic 8a4f13ebe9 light, I heard the 100c6fd045 name.ae277824623d168e

“Im Minha.”9442fa1c20e97f9c

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“…”b935ca4eb5e7314b

“I’m right, aren’t I?”204038b332c00312

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He was right. I needed to confirm it, but I couldn’t respond immediately. The way my name sounded in his voice gave me slight goosebumps. It felt really unfamiliar and ticklish. I deliberately tensed my face to hide my reaction.8930ca449e67b82b

“I thought you said you couldn’t read my handwriting because it’s terrible?”fd1ea2ede00a2356

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“Yeah, it was so terrible I thought it was a different name.”b2df7d694eb96b4e

“What?”f19e5d1b9bac2fb4

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“Ip Geolhwa.”72e3259f79ea655b

Wait, what the…591c847a6bd4a85e

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“How could there be such a name in this world?”d05f0bf086481f5d

“That’s how you wrote it.”712ce040674bb59f

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At his 8111af1998 reproachful tone, e1c56d18bf I swallowed d2a0c98a7f my excuse. True, I do c3a3f7ac4b write in a d2cabbf5ce cursive, signature-like style.4097c4d7f8976e49

“Then how did you know my name?”881bbea650252101

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After a brief 615d973d2d pause, that characteristically 234ded1194 gruff voice was 8ce97e93a2 heard.825e2e15c452d451

“The manager told me.”34c944a14a8a05e7

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Somehow, it felt like he was using the manager as an excuse. But I couldn’t really press him on how he really knew, so I also used the manager as a shield and grumbled.1235b0ff5aef1658

“He never told me your name though.”0e8b17f485d14af7

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“Want to know?”3229f44c021c3c41

“Yeah.”f0e2f809165dc12c

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“How badly?”4d5f6ae59d0e841e

I hesitated 8480111126 for a b0731022b1 moment.How badly? Just the normal d22c539819 amount, right?The question itself was 0151a2437d so perplexing that my 13180328a7 response was delayed, but 06dda7e968 then came another question.e3e075354d16491b

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“Desperate much?”13434b33e5b92e9f

If his voice hadn’t been so serious, I might have laughed. But in the dark car, his low voice made it difficult to respond lightly unlike my usual self. Though I soon returned to my normal self.cd0873af05b7f1fc

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“Are you some kind of government secret agent? Do I need to bet my life to ask?”be95e2bc8784273e

A short e25b9883c1 laugh escaped b1c0aae31f from him. While I was internally 7c44abfe9f relieved that the atmosphere f50596ee94 had lightened, he said 3b5821f43f something incredible.f6c38250a7988476

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“Your life isn’t necessary. But you’ll need to be desperate for me to tell you.”88fa64b3d6cbb70a

“Ha, wow…”1964a8b6c6f1f08f

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This time 2149d4015a I burst b725ed90bb out with 2f64644860 an incredulous 74b1959e77 laugh.Kim Cheolsoo, I didn’t see you that way, but you can be quite childish too?b6d1c4b595755bcc

“You’re not aspiring to be a loan shark, are you? You know, the kind where you have to use your real name to receive a loan so desperate people can borrow money?”df941fa666f2862f

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At my speculation, he f54226d1bd slightly twisted his lips.3a2023ba83bd8c65

“Similar.”38e1e0df410d4ad3

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What is? Your dream?I wracked 7926bd44c8 my brain 8255571764 trying to 382bd74e1e think of 8d39702640 jobs similar e29fc6f899 to loan d024b33c6a sharks.0a8eaeb4ef484e66

“Are you in the rental business?”6b7c3376508f355d

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“No, just playing with money.”9d17f30b2df498b3

This time I tried f9ba2b86d3 to think about what 6dc175eaa5 kind of job involves 2f186699a6 playing with money, but 5898aa0137 could only think of ce692fd9e7 stacking coins, so I cc15977042 kept quiet.861ff1a47a857742

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“What about you?”8c6ac4b504d81e8d

“Me?”3ab17ef3de5c2801

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When he pointed at me with his finger, he turned to look at me as if to say ‘yes, you.’ I rarely received personal questions from him before, so this conversation felt weird.607a4087a21099b5

“My dream isn’t anything special. I just want to love painting and keep painting until I die. Ah, of course, you might think it’s easy since you can paint anytime, but loving something until the end isn’t easy, so. Uhm, I mean…”485cd385e132eff8

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It didn’t seem like I explained it properly, and I wondered how I should say it. And since I’d never told this to anyone, I wasn’t sure if I should. But then he said this.3d18e3f8e648357e

“Continue.”475c5119ac2d9335

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“When you 19b25e3ef8 love something, c12085aaff you become feaa10ecf5 greedy, right? And when you’re 9b77e5b698 greedy, you eventually 2e6fe242e3 want to be 250d24f8c9 rewarded. Whether it’s people’s attention, 2a286c925f recognition, or competition prizes. But you 956b623662 can’t always e4f00be908 get what 7e8d2f504e you want, a132a6def9 right? You might 6e4003e7a3 not get 22d4c9ae0f any reward 92930de7e7 at all. That’s really bitter. You know what’s 9348e560eb even more futile? When you’re dd932cca94 frustrated, you d4be93d7ed give up, 2c79f49ed6 and the f440432436 greed disappears. But the problem is, 4cfecc233f the greed takes away 3fb62379fb the love along with 659f354b6d it.”1b49528fb4c8f840

That’s why ambition is important. Grandfather always says that ambition for what you love is passion. When passion disappears, you start painting out of habit, and he said that’s when it’s time to put down the brush.799819fef152024e

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“Are you afraid of the results after being ambitious?”7801996d9cc395b9

“That, and I also lack the courage to follow my ambitions.”42b9d6bbd775b2a1

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Courage. He muttered and then f8300acf81 spoke as if sympathizing 45264850f9 with this part.cee598ea6c1b63d0

“I lack that courage too.”58c4e9b96bd75ea4

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Was it because of his particularly subdued voice? While I felt like I had revealed a worry as small as a pebble, it felt like he had shown me a massive glacier whose end couldn’t be seen. Well, if your dream is playing with money, you’d need courage. You could end up completely broke if you mess up. I offered words of comfort, partly to lift his spirits.6a6fa81b77991245

“Let’s be courageous together, Mr. Shim.”d800e7739e426efb

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He threw an irritated 5c06cb6aa6 glance at me after 6c2a4340ee a long time.37d9789c80816382

“You’re getting cheeky, Im Minha.”df594be1138782f5

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“Ah, that name is a bit… Please call me Park Ryeok.”ed16141b99493f9d

That’s kind of my identity in the convenience store.5040b73ee7318186

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“Im Minha suits you better.”ef3dde1dbce11f00

“Ha, no it doesn’t! Do you know how much of a Park Ryeok I am… Huh? Wait, this isn’t the right way.”bbdf274143070adf

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I belatedly noticed through 50ef456e95 the window that we 37a801a124 were going in a 56779ca0e5 different direction from my 0da04cbd0d house.27a0d3b8f6e948b0

“I know.”a747a7b208ad7211

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Know what?Looking back, he 1d4e009b09 briefly added while fef0f73cdb staring straight ahead.0cc5b1f0af958771

“Let’s go for a drive.”8d4d3b9fe834ce7d

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“Now?”769be2b1fc4f1378

“Sleep if you’re tired. I’ll wake you up.”328056b0c95b2af3

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No, I’m not tired but…I mumbled and looked 63f0f9fafc out the window again. The car was dark, 35c60e16a4 but I wanted to 0936cf2ba2 hide my face that 3cbdb7841b had probably stiffened from 1ce36777ef bewilderment. He had b6a3d532d6 definitely said d43cea679c that he 4815816767 had business 551eb925e7 to take 9cd4e59573 care of 9d229fcda4 and would 21f283d82c drop me c9188d91bd off at fd77d72ce9 home.f18f516193776e64

When I heard those faaa456194 words, I had thrown b2a611aa96 away the doubts that d1869b9d30 were filling my mind. Whether he had really ff65218127 left the convenience store 1a4a1d1d24 to his friend because 74c949a44d of me. This feeling was similar 33ccd01626 to when I faced 8c265cebef Euiyun. The feeling 8f0b3fa1d3 of noticing cc02d4bd76 the emotions 9200ad8af3 filling up 548ddb7687 in the b480ce8e09 other person.3f9b43df1d92e839

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But Euiyun was 6898cdc052 like the rippling b2e8b8a2de surface of water 4af0e34b43 to me. I wanted to 0b76bfa21f just keep backing cf63fbcb9c away, uncomfortable with 62bd5dc721 the fear of 18e3380f95 it overflowing. In contrast, Cheolsoo efe2bda93e hyung was like 8f4cc3c012 a protruding frozen 16e13e315e glacier. It was scary not 780b1880b1 being able to gauge 21bf2cb88d how much larger the 62e8b1a14c glacier beneath might be, f39bb0f8cd but I wanted to cf9adb2af7 keep looking at it, 1fcc05e869 and wanted to touch 0b34b906a7 it too.5cfc00edf0f5dca2

Of course, all of this could be my misunderstanding. The thrilling fantasy that he might have good feelings, perhaps even more than that, towards me. I didn’t want to break this. I don’t know why I’m like this either. It was unfamiliar and somewhat embarrassing that I reacted differently only to Cheolsoo hyung. As if compromising with myself forcefully, I asked him.5dfd1468cdea5146

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“What about your business?”ec60c398e041f851

“I’m taking care of it now.”90a9541dda1e1c02

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Taking me home? Or just a 23b81a0a42 simple drive?I needed to ask fdeccfb550 clearly and break the 936373feb8 fantasy, but I was 1960f4e490 too scared and stopped 6adb9de4c1 there. Instead, I looked 60cd98c274 out the window 653407a8b2 again. The good f1dd85975c thing about cc308368d7 holidays is 682cb993f7 that cars 5cc61f9f52 and people 6e10ee4a39 disappear from a59a4de009 the city 3cc255d318 like an c84c8f8560 ebbing tide. The road was empty b239d17a2e like a deserted national f2d62fcdc7 highway.38d9c38213ff384a

“Don’t like it?”34730dcfeee4dcf5

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Despite his blunt tone, that question fueled my fantasy again because if he were his usual self, he wouldn’t ask for my opinion but would just coldly say ‘If you don’t like it, get out.’ When I hesitated, not knowing how to answer, he glanced at me briefly from the corner of his eye.5b4b0dfb5557ca45

“Tired?”cb69d58499941e7d

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“A little. But it’s not polite to sleep in the passenger seat…”4266d26b8ea93d35

“You can sleep.”30dd6add97d7af93

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He quickly cut 9464073c97 off my words e580fb62c0 and added as 37e78984f0 if scolding me,adfedc0cfb15d103

“I don’t care about that kind of politeness, so sleep.”bbb5b9610860b54c

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Come on, how can I sleep? When I don’t even know where we’re going …? Where are we going?be79292206550f3b

“Are you heading somewhere?”eb16baa9c52ea11b

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“Yeah.”5feada8cfac9381b

He should 354bc09cac have told 8ba8be9420 me the ecf98cc406 destination by fe30cc1ba7 now, but 39363ddb12 no matter eb6d314a14 how long 4b17dd9203 I waited, 453dcb7468 there was 64bd32a5d7 no explanation. I couldn’t 431348a64a hold back 15bdd3357c and was f7424b0d13 about to 9d71e0692b ask, but 1225c31b08 I missed e84082750f the timing aa270101f8 again.3c4895ba5959c2cc

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“I’ll wake you when we arrive.”dd619356e39e61a3

He kept 1a5bf860e4 encouraging me bcb2be0b3b to sleep. Hey, do you think I’m someone who just sleeps all the time?Just as I e462dc2e05 was starting to 39d71284d4 feel disgruntled, I 395e02af4f immediately fell asleep. In my defense, 7c06e062c2 I was really bc860a032b tired. I had worked 3bc3f133f7 for 12 hours, 71ebf93ac9 gone home, then 9ed6c4d719 rushed back to c195e27a25 the convenience store. And I b55bb432cc seemed to 4d816b6283 have slept d6e402df45 really well.80badac49a960c5c

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Expensive cars must really be different, the ride was so smooth that when I briefly came to, I couldn’t tell if I was at home or in the car. But I soon realized I had woken up somewhere that wasn’t home. The air was different. The smell carrying the cold dawn air gave me the first sense of unfamiliarity.d93e7bbbd8476620

The atmosphere touching my skin was all strange. While trying to understand the situation with my eyes barely open from drowsiness, I belatedly realized I was in the car. All the windows were wide open. That was why I could smell the unfamiliar scent. But the sky was still dark, so I couldn’t see outside properly.0f716106eb678e98

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Where the 95e94c2c2c car was d2d79672a4 parked seemed ca382c5064 to be db25e0f3d5 slightly outside 24efd55d93 the realm 700ee58216 of streetlights, ee963ac476 which were 743003b84b sparse.Where is this? As I was about to raise my body, I belatedly saw someone standing in front of the car. Although they were standing away from the car in a darker spot, I could tell who it was just by the tall figure’s back view.d6070e364932ff54

When I spotted Cheolsoo ea657836a8 hyung, all anxiety seemed 18eace549b to dissipate as relief d27f896750 rushed in. Then, as I was c27bf8381a belatedly coming to my b6522dd438 senses and raising my 9677cf0866 upper body, I hesitated. Along with the 44043eee0e unfamiliar air, a 71fd55f3db sound was also 9cc71bc5b1 coming in.  It 9fadac2cb1 wasn’t loud, but 0c47af29be I definitely recognized a92fa8f967 it.a2ab6fc854cdb616

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Swoosh~ Splash.bb5b25e737cd5558

It was ea8512d0e5 the sound cbe2214eb0 of waves. I was 1158638de0 momentarily dazed 0db4b36e1b by the e7b925f7d0 unexpected greeting a4a3160a84 from the d0c98513a4 sea. I held 93b0775983 my breath 05f7ff8f29 in surprise 10cb8e7d2e as I 3c488f7c05 belatedly realized 332a3d5312 the destination 9c8e62011a of this 1c39b20a1c drive. I remained frozen 61b6899a2c for a while, c61469ae62 fixing my gaze aa17f5be4d on his back 7293e2f812 figure. If I went out d194283d2f and called him now, 5165655f6a I felt like I bdc6e53978 might burst into tears 60763365ac and make a fool c1cab09b9c of myself.40f418de5b0ad3db

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I don’t know why he brought me here. He wouldn’t know how much the sound of waves meant to me, so it was probably just a casual thought. Maybe he acted on impulse when he heard about waves while wanting to go for a drive. But he wouldn’t have known that the result would take my breath away.ee1c3022f925c37b

The gentle sound of 824360d619 waves announced the presence 39ed436678 of a vast, invisible b3abe14383 ocean beyond that darkness. How deep f6ec56aa36 blue, how 508ec54337 deep, how 6ddfac310d vast. But right a2f81ef23f now, only 1176e7e8cb the backside 800e8ade8b of one c702832e05 person, looking efa267a425 like a 0b9957c56e black silhouette, 77e4584076 caught my 61cf517b59 eye.5bfc843d0a4acbcf

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The human figure, infinitely 4363de3cfa small compared to the c8d35f7f22 ocean, looked like a b40d71a8d7 giant to me. As if tall b393604105 enough to reach 5eac9ff05d the moon, like f0a7555958 he could break 4a8dcd8255 off a piece e2e50e76c6 of it. The comfort 7528a89df3 he gave 6abe1f264d me right ba7464d1d2 now was 948c3e233e exactly like 86332b26f0 that. It felt 88baca79b9 like receiving 2e7587d204 that piece d7d6dccf98 of moon ce25c358fb as a 477fd56a91 gift in b4d4deab75 my hands.441057ce986a087f

Maybe it’s because it’s a holiday. I was trying to suppress my emotions by holding my breath. But then as he turned his body, his gaze happened to turn and stop in my direction. Even though the car interior where I was must be dark and he probably couldn’t see me well, it felt like he was staring directly at me. Did he really know I was awake?0bcb1f560fa10eaa

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Then he slowly a72fa89cb3 walked towards me. He stood 18a9e632cd at the 24dd9182ed open window 73a08177bc and placed a8a8ab133d his hand c068076631 on the 265bcfdfb7 window frame, 75fe97f541 bending down. This time our 5407c3e9a1 eyes definitely met. He was too close. Although the 022f74fd0b dawn air 67a472be7e was definitely 056db7822a cool, at dcfa413757 this moment eea0b1a54e it felt 50c61c7e81 like being 354cdd727f in an 77349da925 airless sealed faa356eab7 room.3173119f612eea05

I don’t know why I was so nervous. Not wanting to show it, I hastily opened my mouth. I swear these words came out without passing through my brain,c341a40afc8501fe

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“It smells fishy.”b6feb59d2d1312aa

Cheolsoo hyung’s eyebrow twitched again. How can he move just one eyebrow so well? It’s amazing.I put aside 21187601cb my momentary admiration. I quickly added words b3a8469a3f to make up for e713ef1e5b my mistake.1154e040ddde93ad

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“Where is this?”0ceeecebe26fbc3f

“The sea.”97823d3c0877b97f

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“I know that. I can hear it.”95596d95297d19a3

“What can you hear?”31601317dbaa1223

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I twisted my d2a0e06d27 upper body backward, d58f1fb470 trying to create f18e9d9a26 some distance.38585361254739b3

“The sound… of waves.”1ce81a531ef6183e

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“Right.”3c051d45b88efe41

He straightened up and 2e3903dd93 stepped back as if be3c35d9c0 that had been his 452aa262da purpose all along. Then he returned 84ac586fdd to his original 80ad309245 spot and gazed 34ec34eb49 at the dark 0abbe65d2c sea. I inhaled quietly, trying f5e55998b0 to relax my tense ef2ae8412a body. Scolding myself repeatedly eb67a359e5 for acting unlike 7f832dc08b myself, I opened c6d2d7798e the door and 0873a4ddda went to stand 5c7132ddcd beside Cheolsoo hyung.d98cc9c1b0e096e1

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Even though I wasn’t looking at his side, his presence made me so nervous that my skin felt itchy. Fortunately, once I stepped outside, the seaside air hit me more forcefully, enveloping me and reducing my tension. The sound of waves was also more distinct now.5b541744f941c0fe

“The moon is so diligent. Even in the middle of the night when no one is watching, it’s working hard to stir the sea.”693f7b5cae785edb

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This was nonsense again, but at least it was a thought-out comment. I needed to lighten the mood with such remarks to stop myself from trembling. Yes, strangely my fingertips were trembling, and I clasped my hands tightly behind my back. I wasn’t sure if this trembling was due to the emotion he stirred in me or because of him himself. Right now, I mostly just didn’t want him to notice that I wasn’t acting normal.05f01e588f59b235

“Yeah, needlessly so.”9576b1b3fd35b066

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He responded coldly. I, who had spoken first, shook my head thinking that wasn’t right.67867c986f61e0bb

“Not needlessly. If there’s even one person listening, it has meaning.”f948cba72af27ebf

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I could feel him looking in my direction. I thought he would ask whether it had meaning, but there was no question. Actually, since waking up in this unfamiliar place, I had many questions. Where is this place, can we return by morning, did he bring me to the sea because of me, does he perhaps… have feelings for me?35be901e32dc2f8a

But I didn’t want to ask practical questions. While listening to the sound of the sea and watching the dark waves, it seemed wasteful to tarnish this moment with such words. As I continued gazing forward, I understood why Cheolsoo hyung had been standing silently. My mind emptied, and everything felt peaceful. So it was only after quite some time that I finally uttered something practical.1d9ee0553efb570c

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“Hyung.”b03ae23a66dec793

I still wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel that he had been watching me all along.55b695ff9e03009c

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“Thanks.”ea7efd60236b5d3d

I mumbled, 280becc745 releasing my bc4d4231d0 hands from e77078c238 behind my f430e86588 back and 4b26a7e765 stretching one 8b1f4ca7ec to the 5af1a1e333 side. My gaze 0c4c950689 still fixed 723808b998 straight ahead, 4bfeb16437 I moved 4e13e406c9 my hand c27827d164 that way. Because Cheolsoo c1bb1fbfaf hyung was 676d79a669 wearing his 673148abcc usual uniform-like 434b7656d2 short-sleeved shirt 497494ad82 even in 40c9650fa7 this weather, f3c2b34563 my fingertips f0a53c8984 touched his 5896263134 skin. I fumbled along his a9ea79ea6d firm arm, moving down bbd7c0b21e until I held his e1e3ff4479 hand.12c1c8f5aa2c3dc1

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I don’t know why I did that. When I belatedly realized what I had done, I was embarrassed, but I summoned my courage and didn’t let go. As the price for my courage, my heart felt like it would jump out through my mouth. If there was any consolation, it was that the darkness hid how red my face must have been.5bba35f319beb048

Though my face and heart felt like they would burst, all my attention was focused on my hand. I remained still, holding his larger hand. At first, the large hand showed no movement, like a mannequin’s. Then it twitched hesitantly. The twitch transmitted clearly through my hand.9dd17c737af54a08

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But that was all. He didn’t hold my hand back. After staying like that for a while, he twisted his body and coldly pulled his hand away.aff5d7348717b223

“It’s late.”2a45d29e4031bc9a

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That one phrase was ca55c32ba2 his only response. Belatedly regaining my 249725f10a senses, I deliberately 7780d8f1f9 replied loudly.46f6f188301e9ae2

“Ah, yes, we, we should go!”7a453de6cfe10385

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In the car on the way back, I kept my eyes closed the entire time. But I wasn’t asleep. With a clear mind, I just pretended to sleep by closing my eyes. Thinking it was the price I had to pay for my embarrassing act, I couldn’t help it, but somehow I also felt incredibly, deeply sad.49a78827a93650e3

***34e7922049de5c98

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I spent a few days seriously contemplating what this feeling was. Was I just moved by Cheolsoo hyung’s kindness? It was so unlike him, after all. Maybe I had fallen completely into a trap set by the holiday melancholy and was mistaken.0920fdaec0f71165

So I tried to find various excuses to avoid one hypothesis at all costs: that I had come to like him. At the time, I half-considered myself asexual so I was convinced it couldn’t be love, and I also had an aversion to love due to the sense of loss from losing my parents.5b9b4232f338c69e

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But the biggest reason was Kim Cheolsoo himself, who might be an Alpha and had many secrets. Since he didn’t hold my hand back and let it go, I felt rejected even before confessing. Going further would only cause pain. I think I made that judgment instinctively.b0c1a4a915baa775

So when the manager b48f36b5b3 introduced a new night 421c84f66c shift part-timer a few 2ba0c02cea days after the holiday 53dd75fcfe break, despite an indescribable 461c3520a7 great disappointment, there was b672f0cc0c also relief in one 7493550834 corner of my heart.12ca217a555d548c

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“Did Cheolsoo hyung quit?”06c17ecfdb19ad26

I had hoped 3fc5072ff5 until the end 2afe69a1a0 that the answer ef1f3412ad would be that ae260d9e4c he was just 9e718c8649 a temporary replacement. But the 8560d13057 manager immediately 4d90a30e68 nodded.6a10920c0dea8831

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“Yes, something came up at home so he says he can’t work nights anymore. There’s some issue with Cheolsoo’s grandfather…”9c14517255c4d7ac

He didn’t give a detailed explanation but shook his head with a displeased expression. Ah, could it 83ebeec95d be because of 4d4ec4d86a me? Hope rose again. Even though I wasn’t certain about my feelings for him, this hope grew obnoxiously large. However, the manager was exceptionally skilled at breaking the mood.277784932480b7eb

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“But it’s strange. Before, he used to come to work even when there were problems with his grandfather, so I don’t know why he’s suddenly using that excuse.”7522824bddc4eb8e

…Maybe it is because of me. I swallowed a f1c0b3182e sigh and berated df0107df5d myself.Stupid, why did c740b031c2 you suddenly grab e8f2109fdd his hand then?If I fa65f9b763 were Cheolsoo 2e6718d7de hyung, I 293dfd9d05 would have 087df52e0a been disgusted 90ebe1b4a3 too. How creepy 72f7a2beec would it cce622280c be if de314bae99 someone you b2659b01cf showed kindness 20702cff75 to with c0da9c3525 no particular d43a5de501 feelings suddenly d4e85df0da held your 4a45af884a hand?440467a03750fca8

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The entire way home, and even after I got home and lay on my bed, I kicked at the air in embarrassment. At that time, it felt like I couldn’t overcome it without such self-reproach. It seemed like I could barely stop my emotions only by doing this. So I lived diligently, going between school and work. After more than a month had passed, when I thought of Kim Cheolsoo, I felt more like cursing than nostalgia.169d62f1add519d8

Just because c0c8d577c3 I held e1ac5078ba his hand! He should have just ee949c7cc0 thought of it as e951f7513c a handshake!8c345f936748379e

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Just when 640ee1fcd2 I thought 4abdeb8130 I had 5b26b1eee7 overcome it 99f066399f rather bravely, 4979792508 with just cd2ec52afb a few 7396df0a1f days left d13ac74e0b before vacation, d1c0eb6e6e the manager daf3e2b85d suddenly proposed,93aaeebf4a033a33

“Ryeok-ah, let’s have a company dinner.”4e2db57b4f9b491e

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I silently looked at 4d64fcd4ec him and then carefully 2926e0fcd1 advised,2a53355e5c66a2d1

“If you want to drink, just go drink alone. So many people drink alone these days.”96f96b774909670c

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At my 96f249ea14 words, the 124bfc9a19 manager clutched 2ae64213df his head 4979bb9c03 in distress.419ab87fcddac0c7

“Ah, I’m too introverted to drink alone! And I need an appointment to drink with dignity.”a7db23d053820354

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“I don’t want to be the victim of that appointment.”e5741d46961a8cfa

“Victim? You’re the main character. You’re quitting soon, right? You’re going home during vacation, and you might not be able to work next semester.”449e476ceebb4f07

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I nodded. In my second ea030098d2 year, I wanted 5f9fc73516 to focus more aa8ad02deb on painting. How difficult it e1acc0ab34 had been throughout 0c5e270c6d my first year e8ee5bfa89 without time to 6dddc239b0 do assignments.b17e4c3d93238174

“It’s your last day, 2a97f533cb so we should have 7074c9e91b a farewell party.”d7d9b4ad05f843b0

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I was about to say it wasn’t necessary and to give me a bonus instead, when he added as if he had just remembered,117cad5dd7d0746a

“Oh, there’s one more person coming to the farewell party. Cheolsoo is coming too.”3196da292f8e434b

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I froze. I was holding a d9b7bc6cd0 box I had been a03694374f organizing, then pretended to 4e4f891fbd be nonchalant and asked b960fd6afb back.a9974fcc4fc2eef6

“Which Cheolsoo?”b5a66dd21f0ce306

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“Which Cheolsoo? The night shift Kim Cheolsoo… well, there are many Cheolsoos. I mean the Kim Cheolsoo who worked with you for a long time. The one who quit recently.”e3cf48d27f507283

“…He said he’s coming?”feba74462a6c2cbd

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“Ah, yes. He said he’d come since it’s your farewell party.”18f9302b324c0835

After that, the manager talked excitedly about the dinner for a long time, but it sounded like a buzzing noise and I couldn’t hear properly. My heart, which had been fine for over a month, was pounding again as if it were broken.45af58efd441ed0a

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***7940c8608628a72e

As the time for the company dinner approached, my broken heart raced more wildly. The truth is, I hadn’t had an ambiguous relationship with Cheolsoo hyung or been in a tense emotional tug-of-war. We just went to the beach once, that’s all.ebb255c7481f2389

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Yet I felt pathetic for being so conscious of him like this. Moreover, even as I entered the restaurant for the dinner, I couldn’t let go of my expectations. I had created dozens of scenarios in my head, preparing for how to treat him after seeing him for the first time in a long while.3a29629b6e16039f

In the end, it was all in vain. When I arrived at the bar, he wasn’t there. There were only the manager and other part-timers.ad670d63fcc38fcf

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“Ah, Cheolsoo? I think Cheolsoo can’t come. I told him to come even for a moment if he had time…”b12d4cf9b27f0c23

Another person named Cheolsoo, who was sitting nearby, interrupted with a face reddened by alcohol, asking, “Me?” The manager laughed and said it was good to have many Cheolsoos, talking nonsense even though he wasn’t drunk yet. I swallowed my disappointment and sat down.f2aa3677dbb3c7aa

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After getting rid of my expectations, I ate diligently at the meat restaurant for about an hour and emptied about one bottle of soju. My tolerance is higher, but maybe because I wasn’t in a good mood that day, just one bottle was already making my head feel a bit foggy. Fortunately, when I get drunk, I close my mouth.2e55a82c5cf6e8e3

So whether b046fe93c4 people were d367618117 laughing and dc1be3c6e3 chatting or 16fc72dd36 not, I 336da06371 just stared a2168acd58 at the 945493aa1f grill. Among those pieces of e3f6168ff1 meat, there were only f275ec54df a few of my 4ff1f60889 favorite scallops left. But I was too 3e51bd590f self-conscious to eat them 1a0a2a69d1 all myself. Even though c6fda62e36 I was 774d19c414 tipsy, I b8a82d527c knew it 71c271980a would be 7dda44ce28 impolite to b133e63c42 selectively pick dbac8e5cf7 out just 64f5f71584 the scallops.468b6f14d21a08b5

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Being so focused on the scallops, I didn’t immediately notice the latecomer to our party. While debating whether I should rescue a scallop from among the sizzling meat, I saw people half-rising from their seats and freezing.062019742058fd47

Everyone except the manager had awkward expressions on their faces as they looked in one direction. I turned my head too. That’s when I saw the stoic face greeting the manager.885de157d687f72c

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“Cheolsoo! I thought you couldn’t come? Good you came, good! Wait, we need to order more meat and drinks!”ae8170fc2c9152e7

The manager excitedly f7265492b9 kept pressing the b9602139df order bell.6142cc878c367c10

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“No drinks for me. I brought my car.”2ea67b2a437e165e

Cheolsoo hyung, 00fb277205 who had 53a49c1f55 greeted the 23766049ca manager, finally de11a7bbe6 turned his ea25068254 head and e23998edf9 looked down 13a9b3be9e at me. I just 011fa3c5d2 blinked at 07590baadd him. Since I 38e0a116f0 remained silent, 8e487f957a he greeted 27b72e5629 me as a4033bdc88 he sat 15b4c66aad down beside b646869ed0 me.68db9c6f9f121c31

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“It’s been a while.”9fc16d39b9eb2fac

“Yes.”33382510f7538bf9

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I nodded and turned my gaze back to the grill. Though he was the person I had been waiting for, I wasn’t as nervous as I had been at first. Rather, I felt a bit resentful. Like someone who was sulking, I didn’t look at him and instead focused my attention on finding another love.3c8072784cca2139

Scallops! My only love 80e5eec373 is scallops!cbc1d15c1acee3ce

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Inwardly exclaiming this, I quickly pulled one scallop that looked like it was about to burn toward my side. Wouldn’t it be okay to eat one more at this point? Carefully, I moved the scallop to my plate without anyone noticing and hid it under a sesame leaf.07c972afa66b4212

Then, while still 11bb64edbe looking only at 56f728b628 the grill, I eccb8637a1 silently moved the 627cac6584 remaining scallops toward 08f414a496 me. Still, I a7c5fcc897 could feel 376a19c9a7 a gaze 22c9124695 that occasionally 99c4c6c824 watched me. No, that might be bd0e5f5aee my imagination too. So what? I have scallops!9a3370ec3c056eac

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As I 997a1d5975 was enjoying 2f0e9ee40b my own 4a08c62b0f private party a137e5cbf1 while drunk, c287ae75c2 I heard 28c5f4ea60 a voice 711b625cdb ordering.ae3896850aef46ab

“Bring us more soju glasses.”904ee9c2428bf332

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Cheolsoo hyung was speaking b031213289 to the employee who 5ae62d7d4f was bringing drinks. When I just stared e21f47e294 blankly again, he briefly 8ccc20618b said to me.fcc0c27183a8da29

“Drink more.”bdf5fbf5fc40fc56

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“…”f10276968b062753

Though my mouth wasn’t glued shut, I turned my head without responding again. I couldn’t help it if he thought I was angry. I felt both happy and embarrassed to see him, and it hurt. My emotions were tangled like a complex thread inside my chest.8232b064ec4114d1

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But I couldn’t just keep staring at the glasses as everyone was drinking. People kept trying to talk to me. They had so many questions, asking one after another even when I gave short answers.6cf817c440771e88

“As an art student, don’t you lack time for assignments? How do you manage to work part-time?”5ba7ad81fb2cd3f6

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“I just manage somehow.”b5f4609c34d473df

“Ah, art school must have high material costs, right? And expensive tuition too.”caad475c7db65ecb

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I nodded politely, and c320abe46e sympathetic gazes flew my 965c9a1b38 way. I quickly let c90ecc456b them know it eb3d5fb162 was fine.ed33df4382dc212a

“Tuition isn’t a problem. I have enough in my account for all 4 years.”5d2e4a967d6ce973

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“Oh, so you’re rich then.” Someone said with a laugh, and I shook my head.af1ed4e51055d04b

“I’d rather not use it if possible. It’s insurance money from when my parents died in a car accident.”275581b8b3062591

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A heavy silence fell. Though I was 8ed230253e half-drunk, I immediately 0ede9f5631 thought‘oh no’ – I’d been through this situation several times before. I shouldn’t have said that. So I didn’t mention that my grandmother was also in that car and now lies unconscious for years. Fortunately, there were no more questions directed at me after that.68f646cc300f1b00

I wondered if people 1804ca9259 would look at me 1a260066c7 with pity, but when 3419e13382 I raised my eyes, 298adf93e6 no one met my 015c5fa3f9 gaze. No, there was d2dd8cbbdf one person. Kim Cheolsoo hyung daf73f72f8 looked at me. I quickly turned away, c10a93f278 worried there might be 811916e2ad sympathy in his eyes.1c602cf567a2236d

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Then I seemed to spend a long time blankly watching people talk. At some point, Cheolsoo hyung’s hand caught my attention. That hand was gripping a small glass of drink so tightly it looked like it might break. Wondering why, I turned to look, but he was watching the TV news with an expressionless face.74d6535ef6e819a3

We were c6135ff77c close to 52ea9651af the TV f3c4a6ca39 so the 2df30b342d sound was 4b0cd96734 clear. But the large text aaf2b9f418 summarizing the article at f1937a0c29 the bottom of the 726a0c6008 screen caught my eye 076cb74b23 first.fe0a9e7613c5a9f9

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‘Will Mirae Group become the winner of this chicken game¹?’f649759b378e715d

The news was 47afacffc9 about a recent 8778fc3897 hot topic that 2aa70df925 I also knew aac83bd7e3 about. At its 6f18fc9c11 center was 513a85fefc a mineral 44c143917f called A, 9218b16146 which had e7a43a6845 become a 7bfb8d5f10 raw material f53de13257 for recent 0ef4e2bcd4 trending industries. Last year, another 1ad812a3a1 domestic company announced 8fa10f035f they had contracted 72186b05b7 to receive this 89deb5aee2 mineral at a 0455435224 fixed price for 1ae405a729 the next 10 98ea719794 years from a b332927ce2 certain country for b422d52fb5 stable supply.3724b8a37eb4aae5

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Mirae, being in 427ef31d22 the same business 6a7d0249d6 as that company, e9f11a01da had already bought 8c588581a3 development rights for a289d3f37d mineral A several 572146e63a years ago and 92ac6163f6 was developing it. And fortunately, 75908152a2 the deposit dc86159ec1 amount was bd059e00b7 enormous, and ead359dae6 they began 6aab5ace4d full-scale mining eec52ea1f3 early this 861de3ee2d year. Afterwards, Mirae flooded 37eaf0abf7 the market with 83fdbb41e0 mineral A, drastically 3136968a2b lowering the price.416fdb54628e4249

As a result, 4b1d991da3 the other company ada3483ae0 that contracted to e895c1b078 buy the raw fd936eba66 material at a d9d623cd6b high price for e334c58555 10 years was 4eef6d20ca in chaos. In just one 8784a9c00d year, their deficit a52a6a7fcc had grown to 5ff59765b3 an unmanageable level, c86487b3a8 and forecasts suggested 7a9ce95a9a losses could reach 274ac4fcfe trillions of won 278f1ff63d if they continued 6e784a6f32 receiving raw materials 0fa0d95684 at this price 0a17e77b67 for the next a5b787b5ec 10 years.660a8acae4248a1f

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Some said Mirae was cruelly wielding its blade to eliminate competitors. There was criticism that they shouldn’t cut down a fellow domestic company like this. Moreover, while people thought Mirae was taking losses by supplying raw materials at low prices, it turned out that wasn’t the case.321a56628110509b

Criticism intensified recently 93b26e6901 when rumors spread 5224d950a8 that hedge funds 9f257e83cb related to Mirae 2f32cfb389 had bet on b46106df34 the weakness of 3755fe43dc raw material prices. It seemed more than bd0738461a just a rumor since b032d09cd1 Mirae kept quiet about 5234ba40a9 it instead of explaining, 5c5278f8bc fueling more suspicions. And the person at c4775318ee the center of these af03efe783 rumors was now appearing 965ef9c2de on the news screen. The caption changed 77641a646f as her interview 977a0b1d55 appeared.ced812911af03383

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‘Mirae’s Chairwoman Bae Ian unexpectedly shows her displeasure.’6d36bc51207f4a52

A woman c8ec23564d with an 343581b6d6 expressionless face 3cf5249d2e was answering 3ffd48ccfd reporters waiting 25ca036b96 in front 4d392f768c of the 0830717154 headquarters building.5f8601ddef1f53c4

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‘What we consider most 7e46c7c54f important is the interests e9e378f346 of our shareholders. There’s no reason 4c245e41ba to consider the 0801258800 circumstances of a 11317ca475 poorly managed company dd14f3ce1a out of patriotism.’10afd4b41eb02e11

Her cold voice 8ebf61446c held no emotion, 8b301f1cd7 but strangely, I cd3155a439 felt like she 0bce0e974e was annoyed. Maybe it was 342513614d because I had ee879111f1 observed someone who b030d591c6 rarely showed emotions 29447d1388 so closely.7e48d71f2472b48a

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And Cheolsoo hyung, 6e37d89e9a watching the news 9ed3ae1067 now, was also 880e33cf89 expressionless but full bd4d5e4126 of some emotion. It was similar to 55a5afc9ce what I had seen 7ad59df094 at the theater. I didn’t know why d5c95ac181 he was watching the f504c6f0ee news with such hatred.dd475d42371e1a77

That evening, what I remember most is Cheolsoo hyung’s expression. Although it was a meeting I had been waiting for, we barely talked that day. I don’t remember much after that. I had a few more drinks and became like a mute doll, and I vaguely remember Cheolsoo hyung taking me home.09fda7509685d45c

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When I’m drunk and become like a doll, I follow others’ words well. Thanks to that, I hazily remember being held by his arm, going home, and lying down obediently on the bed. But though I lay down, my eyes were open. Then I heard a command mixed with a sigh from beside me.2193c9523f6e3b8d

“Close your eyes and sleep.”b3792caa33500e65

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Ah, eyes. Should close them, 0f7208cafc right. And soon darkness enveloped me. So I couldn’t be sure if the feeling of someone stroking my hair and his voice were real or my imagination because Cheolsoo hyung would never speak with such an anguished voice.f34f55a801115fd7

“Why do you keep making me want more?”9e486aa991c74db2

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19e083ab56147abf