CMT Ch18

“Have you ever heard of D/s?”

“Yes. It’s similar to a master-servant relationship.”

Seoyoon answered readily. It was a term he had discovered while preparing for his meeting with Kijung. It’s commonly called DS, taking the initials from the English words dominant and submissive. Simply put, it’s a relationship where one side dominates and the other submits. Needless to say, this was exactly the type of relationship he and Kwon Kijung had just engaged in at the hotel room they’d left moments ago.

“Since you’re aware, I won’t need to explain further. Some people in these relationships can be quite possessive, maintaining the same dynamic even in their private lives.”

“…”

“But I’m not particularly inclined that way. Outside of scenes like earlier, I have no intention of interfering in Seoyoon-ssi’s daily life. I’d like you to act the same way.”

“Of course.”

It would be too exhausting if he had to treat Kijung like a master in his everyday life. Though he wasn’t sure how he could serve someone like a master in private life when they rarely met anyway. As he pondered this, Kijung continued.

“But there is one thing I’d like.”

“What…?”

“I’d like you to dress as I want in your daily life.”

“Clothes?”

“Yes. Is that strange?”

Seoyoon thought for a moment before shaking his head.

“No.”

While he didn’t fully understand, it was impossible for him to completely comprehend the desires of someone who got excited by hitting people in the first place. Kijung seemed pleased with the answer and smiled.

“Tomorrow or the day after, let me know when you have some free time using the number you contacted earlier. We’ll need about an hour, including travel time. I’ll need to take your measurements to send you clothes.”

“…You’re sending clothes?”

“I just said, didn’t I? I want you to dress as I want in your daily life.”

“Ah… I thought you meant you’d roughly decide what I should wear.”

Kijung didn’t bother to explain further to the bewildered Seoyoon. With an expression suggesting he’d find out anyway, he changed the subject.

“Also, if we’re going to continue meeting, we should set a new safe word. A stop signal, I mean.”

Seoyoon’s relaxed expression hardened. The white flag to be raised as a sign of surrender when he truly wanted to stop this ‘game’. He wondered if the day would ever come when he’d need to utter those words.

For Seoyoon, it was something he wanted to delay as much as possible. Saying those words would mean he was in unbearable pain, and also that he had decided to end this arrangement first. Ignoring the chill in his heart from a vague fear, Seoyoon asked:

“How are they usually chosen?”

“It’s best to use a phrase that immediately breaks the mood. The goal is to snap back to reality even in the heat of the moment.”

What would be good? He muttered to himself. Suddenly, a phrase came to Seoyoon’s mind and he cautiously spoke.

“Please marry me.”

“…Hm?”

In the car that had just stopped at a red light, Kijung stared at Seoyoon expressionlessly. Seeing his serious reaction, it seemed there couldn’t be a better phrase for the purpose he described. Seoyoon explained further.

“You said you didn’t want to marry a man… so wouldn’t that phrase completely kill the mood?”

After a moment of silence, Kijung seemed to agree and smiled.

“That works. If it’s alright with you, let’s go with that.”

“Of course it’s fine. I suggested it after all.”

The road began moving again. Seoyoon fiddled with his phone before asking:

“Is it okay if I call home to let them know you’re coming? My parents might be surprised if I suddenly say I’m bringing someone to greet them.”

“Go ahead. I don’t plan to barge in in the middle of the night, I’ll just show my face briefly.”

Seoyoon called his adoptive father. Since a family member was out without permission, he would likely still be awake. Sure enough, the call connected immediately.

“Father, it’s me. Yes, I’m on my way home now. I’m sorry it’s so late. But… this is sudden, but the person I’m with now would like to greet you and mother.”

His father’s surprised voice came through, asking if it was a friend and what kind of greeting at this hour. Worried Kijung might overhear, Seoyoon quickly lowered the phone volume.

“Actually, I met Director Kwon today. The Director contacted me again… Yes, that’s right. He says he just wants to greet you briefly before leaving. No, no. The Director is busy so we can’t suddenly… We’ll be there in about 20 minutes. Okay, see you soon.”

This time worried that his father’s excited voice might have been audible, Seoyoon glanced at Kijung after ending the call. The reason he could casually say he’d show his face in the middle of the night was probably because he knew he’d be unconditionally welcomed.

The profile of the man who could always be wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted, looked flawless. Seoyoon faced forward without further conversation.

***

Seoyoon’s home was located in an old wealthy neighborhood that rarely changed hands. Young people who preferred apartments didn’t often move in anymore, but the long-time residents who had kept their houses for generations still remained.

Since he wouldn’t be staying long, Kijung parked on the street. Seoyoon’s heart finally began to race as he rang the doorbell. The door opened immediately.

“Come in.”

Seoyoon called to the man behind him as he entered through the gate. After a few steps through the garden, the front door of the house opened and his father and mother appeared.

“Well, Director Kwon Kijung. It’s been a while.”

His father greeted him, coming down the low steps. Kwon Kijung smiled amiably and shook the outstretched hand.

“It has been a while, President Han. Have you been well?”

“Thanks to you, I’m still going strong. Please, come in. You must have at least a cup of tea before leaving, we can’t send you away empty-handed after you’ve come all this way.”

“Given the late hour, I only intended to pay my respects today. I feel bad for bringing Seoyoon-ssi home so late.”

Saying this, Kwon Kijung affectionately put his arm around Seoyoon’s shoulders. Seoyoon flinched in surprise, but fortunately no one seemed to notice.

“Our first meeting had some regrettable moments, so I wanted to apologize. Thanks to Seoyoon-ssi’s generous nature, I’ve been forgiven. Isn’t that right, Seoyoon-ssi?”

Kijung turned to Seoyoon and asked. This was no time to be flustered. Seoyoon smiled broadly and nodded.

“Forgiveness? I was just happy you contacted me again.”

“I hope you’ll understand if he comes home late occasionally from now on.”

Seoyoon worried his adoptive father might drop to his knees and swear allegiance to Kwon Kijung at any moment. With such an impressed expression, he nodded several times and replied.

“Do you think I don’t know that meddling in young people’s affairs these days only gets parents labeled as old-fashioned? You don’t need to worry about that at all.”

“Then I’ll take my leave for today. Let’s set aside time for a proper meal together next time.”

“Oh, but this is disappointing. Won’t you come in for just a moment?”

His mother chimed in, but Kijung showed no intention of entering the house. Not daring to insist a third time, his parents’ invitation faded, leaving only traces of regret.

As they finished their greetings, Kijung gently dissuaded the two from following them to the gate.

“I’d like to say goodbye to Seoyoon-ssi alone, if that’s alright?”

“Oh, of course. How thoughtless of us.”

His father still looked like he wanted to follow, but his mother held him back by tugging on his collar. Kijung left through the gate without removing his arm from Seoyoon’s shoulder.

The wide alley was empty, as the neighborhood was quiet at night. Finally alone with Kijung, Seoyoon let out the breath he’d been holding and relaxed his tension.

Although everything had been predetermined and they had acted according to plan, Seoyoon felt dazed and had trouble adjusting to the situation. He had asked to be treated like a lover in front of people, but having never been in a relationship himself, he didn’t know concretely what acting “like a lover” entailed.

“Well then, I’ll be going. We’ll set a time to meet again soon.”

Kijung said goodbye first. Seoyoon bowed his head as well.

“Alright. Take care on your way home. Thank you for… today.”

Unable to shake the awkward feeling, Seoyoon stood there blankly after saying goodbye. Kijung gestured for him to come closer. As Seoyoon approached the man already standing by the driver’s side, he silently took Seoyoon’s arms and raised them.

It was the same pose as when he first examined the scars at their matchmaking meeting. Reminded of that time, Seoyoon’s face stiffened in bewilderment, unable to say anything. Ignoring this, Kijung raised Seoyoon’s hands higher and lightly kissed his fingertips.

Though it was just a fleeting kiss, his fingertips burned as if touched by fire. No, it wasn’t just his fingertips that felt hot, but his cheeks, or perhaps somewhere immeasurably deep inside his body. Kijung smiled faintly and whispered:

“You’re too stiff. It’s no use if I’m the only one acting.”

“…I’ll try harder.”

It’s embarrassing to fail to properly follow through after making the request himself. Truly ashamed, Seoyoon slightly lowered his head. Kijung slowly released his hands and instructed:

“If you want to hurt, even when it’s not a promised day, contact me.”

Finally, he opened the driver’s side door and disappeared. The car departed without delay. Seoyoon clasped his hands together, gripping tightly the fingertips where Kijung’s lips had touched. The heat that had suddenly ignited didn’t cool easily, and standing there under the streetlight, he suddenly felt as if he had been left alone.

Only after the car was completely out of sight did Seoyoon enter through the gate. His father, who had been waiting for Seoyoon to return without going inside, immediately approached and asked:

“What happened? Director Kwon contacted you again?”

“Yes. He said he thinks he made a mistake that day… We agreed to try meeting again properly.”

“I knew it.”

His adoptive father spat out, as if trying to restore his wounded pride. Anger dripped from his deep voice.

“How do you think we raised you? Anyone with eyes wouldn’t let you go. That young punk just didn’t know any better and acted arrogantly. Who does he think he is to reject a match arranged by the Chairman himself?”

He was under a great misunderstanding. The matchmaking supposedly arranged directly by Chairman Kwon Muntaek was likely just the whim of an old man caught in a brief moment of regret. The Kwon family members probably unenthusiastically told Kwon Kijung to meet because his grandfather wanted it, and Kijung’s attitude had been consistently rude and cold, as if proving that prediction.

The only unexpected variable was that Kijung’s unique inclinations matched Seoyoon’s bad habit. But the reason his adoptive father imagined had no bearing on this relationship at all. However, having decided to deceive the world, there was no need to correct his misunderstanding here.

“We’ve just agreed to meet for now. We haven’t talked about marriage or anything yet…”

“Of course. You shouldn’t cling to a guy like that who’s so full of himself. Don’t be hasty, take your time to observe him. The fact that he contacted you first shows he must have some feelings for you.”

Unlike his confident father, his mother seemed to think this was no time to be relaxed. She gave a pointed look.

“But that doesn’t mean you can completely let things slide, does it? Why don’t you give President Kwon a call tomorrow, dear?”

“That’s right. Even if we leave the kids’ matters to them, parents still have things to discuss among themselves. Come on, let’s go inside. You must be tired.”

It was amusing that the day ended with the phrase “you must be tired” when they didn’t even know what had happened before returning home. A bitter smile formed on Seoyoon’s lips as he followed the two. His mother, unaware of the meaning behind his expression, asked curiously as if she couldn’t contain her curiosity.

“What did he say when he contacted you?”

“Just that he thought the decision on the day of the blind date was too hasty… and that he’d like to meet again slowly and build a good relationship.”

It was a hastily made-up lie, but there wasn’t a hint of doubt in his adoptive parents’ eyes. Everything was thanks to the man who had come directly to their house, confirming their ‘good relationship’.

Now wasn’t the appropriate time to explain everything. Seoyoon ignored their curiosity and bid them goodnight first.

“I’m a bit tired today. I’ll tell you the details tomorrow.”

“Alright, let’s talk tomorrow.”

The first thing he did upon returning to his room was to change clothes. Standing in front of the mirror, he turned around and craned his neck to examine his buttocks. The area that had been red and swollen at first had now turned into a bruise, the color becoming darker.

Fearing someone might see, he quickly pulled up his clothes and sat at his desk. A dull pain rose as his buttocks pressed against the chair, but it was bearable.

Until he left work, it had been a day no different from usual, but just because he had spent the night differently, the day felt incredibly long. Seoyoon didn’t bother to fight off the heavy fatigue that washed over him and prepared for bed.

He thought he would fall asleep quickly due to exhaustion, but deep sleep didn’t come as easily as expected. When he turned off the lights and lay in bed, the few hours he had spent swept up in a storm, desperately enduring at the time, came flooding back, disturbing his comfortable rest.

Perhaps because, as the man had said, there weren’t many pains that could surpass the cutting sensation of flesh. The pain he had braced for was more bearable than expected, and the pleasure he tasted for the first time was harder to endure than he thought. It seemed he had cried more when their bodies intertwined than when he was being beaten.

Rather than the bleak pain of being beaten while counting numbers, the heat that had melted him like a furnace but now completely disappeared, and the sensation of large hands recklessly touching his bare body and delving deep inside kept vividly coming back to life. As if he was longing for it. Even though he had never been accustomed to others’ body heat or touch, this moment of lying alone felt terribly empty and even unfamiliar.

What if he had changed the order of events? If they had had sex first and then he had been beaten, perhaps the pain of the beating that made him scream involuntarily would have remained more intensely than the gentle touch of his hands or the sticky sensation of being stirred up inside. Should it have been that way instead?

‘Han Seoyoon-ssi seems to like being touched.’

Kwon Kijung’s voice suddenly echoed in his ears. His face flushed, and he pulled the blanket up over his head even though there was no one to see.

It was embarrassing to have every aspect of himself, from the parts he wanted to hide to the facets he wasn’t even aware of, thoroughly understood after just one encounter. He didn’t want to admit that his inner self was so deprived that he could be swayed by a dangerous game that was merely play for the other person and closer to a transaction for himself.

Because it was the first time. He hoped that was the only reason. Seoyoon reassured himself that although it felt like an enormous deal now, it would gradually become nothing as it was repeated and became familiar, and he tightly closed his eyes.

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T/N: I wanted to leave the honorifics in the text (-ssi) to emphasize their formality. If it bothers anyone, please let me know.