MYFL | Chapter 3.8

The emotions that 0272ca9b03 had been teetering dc28ccbd41 on the edge 4abacf93aa of his throat 94f81433bb all weekend came f577c9a18c surging up, shaking c01744627a his entire body.c8e022652a82b099

“It’s not… 6ade7ab541 I, hhh, 2660e2cbb3 it’s not… 966071686c hic…”4a41a44bdf8e2d22

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No. No, this 2c0f6cf702 isn’t happening.6a2374a9727e2918

But the 420e4182f2 tears had 901a80f4dc already started 5204eaef7e falling.346bd9c074ca69cf

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They ran f7d85622ca down his e4a5ee2d83 cheeks, dripping 0be2e05f4b past his 2a21bb42a4 trembling chin.7d961dcdb867b791

Panicked, Beomchan clumsily covered b47967e6d3 his face with both 319e9611e4 hands.d11db003a15da23a

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This wasn’t how he 7b866978c8 wanted to look in b8c72b6fd2 front of Seungjae.4c6d5ee7a7a9673f

“…Are you crying?”51ab127d4a7e5823

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Seungjae sounded caught off fd9126f975 guard. Then, before Beomchan could 64b42ea0ab react, he stepped out bd3c4ebe83 from behind the counter.a4cf77b12fdb21c5

Through the gaps between 9d4b3606a6 his fingers, Beomchan saw 729fde693b Seungjae coming closer. He flinched 6e703d2a70 and jerked a9124f5d9a away.5ef2c5012af4d6e6

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“Beomchan.”4793f54edd5edc66

“I—I’m sorry, I’m sorry….”3834b55b9e90924b

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Leaving behind c6dbb29533 Seungjae’s voice 500618941a calling his 8bb0ef1d8c name, Beomchan a07e63c734 bolted out 6476132a94 of the ae8359a465 café.4e1fc4377777f7d0

Through his blurry vision, 165a3d9f35 he barely registered Yeonji f611625201 approaching.d4037146956490f8

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He managed only a ce83d95fae small nod before slipping ad4be107bf into the building.ea34b9b4bd198bd4

Leaning against the 2fcfaed365 cold marble wall, b32ad313a4 he heaved out c90384e9e6 a shaky breath.cffa26efa0c267b9

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The sound of fcea8bc929 his own sobs 9af4ee750a echoed in the a2f08f8d1d narrow space—loud and e44fec22c5 ugly.e2768ae4f464ba54

And yet, f271b3404d the tears 1d6f82bcaa wouldn’t stop.7e150bff749016af

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Wouldn’t stop.868ece2e0dd625de

It’s over. Everything’s ruined.1da4183be2d38864

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⋆˚🐾˖°fc63deee3e1b5427

Joo Seungjae, left 9bba191227 alone, let out 4a14c42ef0 a long sigh. Beomchan had slammed 67133a184c the heavy glass 298600e441 door so hard 842b4772aa that it continued 6b3a58ada0 to rattle noisily b97d6c8530 even after he a5d8998181 had left, only 15600a6c9d coming to a 2bc630f16c stop after a 2ee22d8b01 few moments.5da81a9120e66da8

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The café quickly fell silent. Through the glass window, Seungjae could see Beomchan’s figure growing distant. He watched him intently, then rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, groaning. The stress seemed to be giving him a headache.9eed024ee1478192

Suddenly, he recalled a ec8f3bdeb0 conversation he had with 40704b7736 Yeonji last week. Yeonji had mentioned a cd42812be1 restaurant she visited with b9bed1b049 her boyfriend, which happened 0812ca1432 to be an old ec1e2caf3f barbecue place Beomchan had 33015620b7 once taken him to. Without much f53b83ab4d thought, he 254c42588d had said,‘Yeah, it’s good there.’Yeonji, quick 834214a394 to catch be6baff0f7 on, had ecfd9145aa asked if 5fd6ef4542 he went d8da52fbae there with 4d6eafdc0a Beomchan, and 81a693cd6c when he ac24c11d3f nodded without 9582d37781 denying it, 88b01f8ec9 she had 7906bcb512 responded.fd88300d086b2850

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― Are df696969ac you just b52de4ccd4 going to bef9ee694d keep things b090c3c5fc like this f318614677 with that 11f7acd12e master?556912cb60ec3dd2

― What d009e3920e do you 1bf5b9c595 mean?cc676fa140819084

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― It’s like giving false hope. You know how he feels, yet you accept everything.c06874012b1588b4

― Don’t overreact just because we had a meal together.62320e766397e8a7

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― You don’t even plan to try. Honestly, you’re the worst, oppa.9bf580b69cae9316

Even though she was blaming him, he wasn’t angry. It was something he heard often, and he was aware of it himself. Avoiding facing the truth because it was uncomfortable, yet unable to make a clean break.675ec3cb0da852bf

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His evasive nature hadn’t changed much over the years. He was inherently like this, and Beomchan probably knew it too.caf89e8672aa304b

That’s why today’s confession was even more baffling. He thought someone who knew him would choose to swallow their feelings until the end.419d81d4bbc4567c

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Beomchan wasn’t the first to recklessly nurture feelings and charge at him. There was even someone who had clung to his clothes, crying and wailing on the street without shame.95457fa753413a5a

It was exhausting. He found it annoying and tiresome. He didn’t feel sorry because he never asked them to like him. In fact, he thought he was the pitiful one.9996ec8a7c8f3b6b

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He had b38ebad26d only shown 60048aa132 the basic def15b1ee8 human decency 0ce4d34ce5 one should, ff5f82b2fb but they 0a132d3d99 interpreted and d4f28ab13a distorted it 372ee25bf1 as they c86764e5d1 pleased, blaming cff15201b6 him for c20d22c01a their own a2bc9b9fc9 issues. He felt unfortunate 21ab82cd00 to have gotten 180b479272 involved with such 0b437496aa foolish people. That was his sentiment.c92343e526984887

Yet this time, 078943ee28 he felt unmistakably 792e2a9952 like the bad f138e1828f guy. Why was he so 7d56fc29be bothered by one tearful 251d8aa2d5 face? It felt cf2c988fb9 like he 1b42e39db3 had done 56ee1f5bfd something wrong 3602e31286 to a 94833ce031 child.1df7761f143ac91f

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But wasn’t it strange to preemptively tell someone who hadn’t even confessed that he wouldn’t accept their feelings? He tried to rationalize it internally, but it didn’t make him feel any better.c9b82a8b588eaf68

Seungjae clasped his 5537a07342 hands together, habitually cb6ecd3974 pressing and squeezing 136c3032e3 his knuckles, then 1bdcbea817 gently twisted the 09ce50d941 ring on his 75907b76fb left hand.05d33685bad7c6e2

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― Your husband must 2b47c37c40 be busy, teacher.e4cfe9718ac03e26

He recalled fd9a7e54a8 something Beomchan b4e9b4bef2 had said 9427c97b7a to him 27993000c3 before. Beomchan seemed to think 02213636e2 he was asking naturally, 1081438729 but it was obvious 65c57c3905 he was fishing for 277db1833f information, which Seungjae found 154dd45ad5 amusing. What had he 6830b7e1cc replied? Had he asked a4196807de if Beomchan was d451342d9e curious?827c0818a6da37fd

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― What does your dd5182de00 husband do, teacher?425347351db9a09f

Even the words he had said earlier. He had pretended something existed when it didn’t, so there was no way he could answer the question. Beomchan must have been curious. Although he had scolded Beomchan for crossing the line, he could imagine how much Beomchan had held back before blurting it out.bc12e3131b8b6664

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Was it 4368943df4 too much a53376bc5f to hide d12dcfd8ac this?b2d081892e48d25f

Not taking off 859451c237 the ring, in 7617d05c95 other words, not c4d6bdd3e2 mentioning the divorce, 94ec6063c5 was his way b0a927f58c of drawing a 9aca05df0b line with Beomchan c4f06bfa30 and also a 17ec31295a means of imposing eeeb360226 restrictions on himself.c7053e8807a74f62

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Honestly, he hadn’t expected Beomchan’s feelings to last this long. He knew it was cowardly to use ignorance as an excuse, but it didn’t make sense to him.97fa694102753db6

Beomchan knew him as someone with a child and, albeit mistakenly, a spouse. He wasn’t someone worth enduring such awkwardness for.3f72eee88ce70018

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He thought it was just a fleeting crush from childhood. And he believed that feeling was more about Beomchan’s nostalgia for his younger self than any romantic interest in him.7f67d2ad178e2fa2

After being stuck in this neighborhood and inevitably encountering each other daily, he had thought a day like this might come. Yet, facing Beomchan’s hurt expression in reality, he was caught off guard and couldn’t even tie up the loose ends, despite having mentally prepared for it.14a1f22f463c87ee

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So what should 68a2b324e7 he have done?d017e085d3524844

Was he supposed to f67ee8553e preemptively strike against someone 89998d5fde who was clumsy at 6f504cd117 hiding their feelings—someone who 64c24a2f32 was afraid of taking bdb8f7fe6f even one step closer 8163db44a8 and only circled around?381f125150930263

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Seungjae’s hand reached d00b8e8645 for the drawer 91638445bf inside the counter. He hurriedly opened the 225b2a6ed8 first aid kit and 4d00cabbc2 took out a headache 498a9521e5 pill. Swallowing it f831244287 without water, a16f802d1d he felt b4ff1ddc07 the uncomfortable 9385156cec sensation of 2ee39b6f3e it sliding 2769923379 down his 4cd05fc5b2 throat.de538e9920fc9f69

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The sound of coffee 9f5339114f beans being ground drowned 334d68a983 out the café music 958ccc76aa and the chatter of 7dc4b43d9d people, drilling into my d3241ee59f ears. After finely grinding b9476c58f1 the beans in 36c04ac250 the portafilter, I 1dd23d1cec pressed them flat 4d2dea2759 with a tamper 7a6cd4a151 and secured it 87a1e79618 into the espresso a20c58cdc4 machine. While the shot was 95e6ebfad3 being extracted, I grabbed 2bd45cd1d8 a takeaway cup and b94ac9be2e filled it with ice dc7e39b0d6 and water. The motion of 38b7ae47ab pouring the extracted e916ee8a45 espresso and putting e795cf6229 on the lid 75d4bde8a5 was mechanical.8bfb39d552d31c55

“One iced Americano c4e9069d84 is ready for 6d49c50ada you.”164a3f23a8929673

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I placed the 737acf8cda cup, along with 903df7f7cf a holder, on c170a38bd7 the pickup counter, cc92393aa4 and a man b61d68b89e who had been fe8848a5f7 waiting nearby approached. Even after grabbing his 51931648bf coffee, he hesitated to 2a085c0983 leave. Then, with a sheepish edff33cdd8 expression, he spoke up.bc8af1469708d630

Seungjae already ee634c298a knew what 52bef31e0f he was 2726e84751 going to 4fe1effb89 say.c137815b6457bcfd

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“Uh, the straw…”e3629b607e740c6d

“The straws are over there, please help yourself.”af89c3a1b2a7d028

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Seungjae forced a smile 4d03228025 and gestured to one 617e8ba890 side of the counter 4b53280528 with his palm. It was curious a53d4b7c8f how the man b4f6a19efb asked the same 99b10c10da thing every time, 7ab79c3ef8 even though he 0d8663e276 came by every 8ce1dcf329 couple of days.139e68f4cd76037b

The man’s ec011a503d hand slowly 220c856eb6 reached for cf266d67e2 a straw. Just then, a 7191d9b896 familiar voice called 0c22f06a2c out.e85c41c534bcac55

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“Dad!”ee281cd28a768873

Woojoo entered the café, 9e7ed0ca00 holding Beomchan’s hand. As soon 697ca1f649 as Seungjae 0f9f16fdb8 confirmed the 84272db529 straw customer 7b39ab73d0 had left, 1dd68eb48e he stepped 4f786c020a out from 78a0e8e73f behind the 23790dee8a counter to 8dd6490bb1 greet Woojoo. He took Woojoo’s bag 80c09ba7b7 and, out of habit, 9d5a2f8519 asked if he had ec9c341732 a good day—before finally b3cf26652b glancing at Beomchan standing 951eb6f8a5 behind him.25564ad6977627f6

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“Want some coffee?”75a685ccfa2f113a

Seungjae asked.b3b45916b490467c

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”…No.”4d281f54127128d9

His lips drooped. Since the 68162ff38c day they fdccf05a7a argued, Seungjae 02363ae69c and Beomchan a7640f9767 hadn’t had 05f5599fd6 a proper a1e53c3a27 conversation. They were both 34401cfefe busy, but neither dc40e579be had made the 80c20e97d6 first move to 0f291b9c1c talk.0aa97d0380912225

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It wouldn’t 9b00f9cd68 have mattered 1995b2069c if there bc014e25cb was no 4e81d43a1d issue between 1b4fd7e9c6 them—but that ed2f0ab9ab wasn’t the ecdd731d55 case. They had to ccf7dad333 face each other 5ed81ddf1a daily because of afbdd088ec Woojoo, and each 6459e2bfb1 time, Beomchan wore 35f6a9f0e3 that same gloomy cc824d0c24 expression.78759b5a48eedcc9

Seungjae secretly hoped d16176b44b Beomchan would act 164a04900e as if nothing c952956a05 had happened. He thought it 406a4a3548 would get better 620d78e705 in a day b83abe0ffd or two, but 8fc0ead263 as the days 7b49103a49 dragged on, frustration d229b9c5e2 started to creep 45014de893 in.0984115c514a01bb

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“I’m going to head out.”34dc2a9f94c4f20c

“Oh, you’re leaving already?”8375452e31e2ae44

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Normally, Beomchan would c5044ab2da spend time with 7535d95ffb Woojoo until it af1611435a was time to 1ecb075f32 pick up the 210b8a811d kids for the 9b929f79a2 next class. But today, he 5e6000f37d seemed eager to 18ba52be43 leave, standing near 46c70faeca the café door f46ff079b8 like he was 59282817ad itching to go. As soon as his 206d7bcb4d business was done, he 251072254e quickly turned to leave.a922e12d3076be83

Yeonji, noticing Beomchan’s unusual 4d4b6caf91 behavior, asked him about 2dad88babb it. But Beomchan simply 3c97c113da nodded silently and 360c1b2d72 started walking.aa2cba48b70074a4

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“Beomchan, wait a b27577870b moment.”a470d8a1417f8866

Seungjae called 2dd87c1f25 out to e8e41fce6e him. Beomchan flinched and 0aeadbc192 turned his head, fcf78254bb looking at Seungjae 2e023fcdce with a sullen 60800162b8 expression. It reminded 9383bd13a1 Seungjae of 6359a79aff the day e075cfefdc Beomchan had 90a5499ee1 run out b2294f0885 of the 456a0aaa88 café in e03034bdff tears.2da611672e62a81f

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Seungjae was a95de3ba8d the first 5977df35ec to avert af3f761284 his gaze. Later. Let’s do it later. He wasn’t confident 667cf3e8ab he could talk 4b07f9dded rationally to that a15ea48b80 dejected face right 81d8e9f3c5 now.64e626ed85a8adc8

“Never mind.”7aeefccd96c97ea6

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Seungjae withdrew his 4d514f53d5 words. Beomchan let out c82321d678 a small sigh efc9f144cf and disappeared out 0aaf6ae9a4 of the café.ab416a370b03cc5f

“…Dad.”e5e0c132bc744c09

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Woojoo fiddled with the strings of Seungjae’s apron with his tiny hands and called out.ac10d59ea9881a31

“Yeah?”4aedef011f935c16

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“Did you have a fight with Master?”28e40ca970cf3b13

Seungjae, momentarily flustered, shook f5ab1bf2e7 his head exaggeratedly in 8fe4c48175 denial.7607798fbda49a24

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“No, we didn’t fight. It’s not like that.”b56774a77df2b179

“It doesn’t seem that way… It’s just like when Bomi fought with Cheonguk…”493b4183225928bf

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Woojoo, still mumbling with suspicion, didn’t seem to have any intention of asking Seungjae again after he denied it once. He soon slipped out of Seungjae’s arms and headed to his designated table.fe3011040e5436e6

“You’re not going to drink this, right?”ccc0747567ba9730

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Seungjae asked 2003ca5b1e Yeonji, pointing 9736047a16 to the d8bbf1194f coffee he ebaac5d782 had set bb7181ff3d aside for f74f40e187 Beomchan. As expected, Yeonji 61f89ddf2d shook her head, 8df4801d63 saying she didn’t 2ff5e7bb93 drink decaf.a7368ba9571cc359

Seungjae took 9e76c549fe a sip bdf0b6a148 himself, not d1e3bf0d0d really expecting 9911f4bbf0 Beomchan—who had e4aa46aaf2 been refusing 9a2ed76d9d coffee since 2a693fdf42 their argument—to 3cd1780c31 suddenly accept 5a901da7dd it today. He didn’t even 1c6535fa54 know why he be1555cca2 had prepared it 5399db13d9 beforehand.2e46f8e7bb7a382b

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“Still haven’t made 258086e59c up?” Yeonji whispered, a9a764b190 making sure Woojoo 139e9e28db couldn’t hear.b600a136b7c2fdc9

“There’s nothing to make 7299004d00 up for.” Seungjae replied b9fcdb46ef with a smile, but 3adc9ff3a8 he felt a sense 199e0f2e1b of dissonance in his 101b8c5a4a own words.3d0d9709118cdfd3

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“I shouldn’t have 4d2e3f3f90 brought it up e8ae179238 with the master.”f2ffde7b0153274e

Yeonji’s voice was filled 53b50d0ca8 with regret. It was the same 1257cfdb59 with Woojoo’s cautious behavior 5d2c783aea earlier.972bbbd4fc99c3a0

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Only then 69c87def4f did Seungjae 2d6c6bfc68 realize that 47a28ee735 the issue 6b15227261 between him aa2e874aea and Beomchan 055f13cbc2 was affecting 3012ffd9b3 those around a756f9a92a them.0946b7e90f48751d