MYFL | Chapter 3.8

The emotions that had been teetering on 5ed29dc97a the edge of his throat all weekend b8024ab693 came surging up, shaking his entire body.65c5ddf7ff6c306ea10f

“It’s not… I, hhh, 439e233a1c it’s not… hic…”e2a4c61cfa5ebc84c86f

No. No, this 3ea3c33a1c isn’t happening.a9a4a1d5b6110c2a1017

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But the tears had 4198ecc998 already started falling.3a8e7b650e21f3c04353

They ran down his cheeks, 0a3455fa77 dripping past his trembling chin.318a1e81e7f0d2148b7f

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Panicked, Beomchan clumsily a83da5d439 covered his face 7ac032bc02 with both hands.9d8e831551cd124fa298

This wasn’t how he 5943408fe9 wanted to look in 4f9af8edd4 front of Seungjae.3b11ca763418c9a029d9

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“…Are you crying?”f11ff25b8772208bea96

Seungjae sounded a5b7d81164 caught off fc4bb2d3cf guard. Then, before Beomchan could 3c7b3e3d33 react, he stepped out 70d0396ff2 from behind the counter.6864d10421f5d6df4da3

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Through the gaps between his fingers, fbf05b9974 Beomchan saw Seungjae coming closer. He flinched ed80dffc5c and jerked 56ceb68d9e away.15103405bc4b60ad132a

“Beomchan.”a4f7db34fbee649a795b

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“I—I’m sorry, a065091e52 I’m sorry….”5b2447f207975d0af2cb

Leaving behind Seungjae’s voice calling 96b66dfed3 his name, Beomchan bolted out 7f23140a40 of the café.b0306727b67d2ec9796c

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Through his blurry 0004b47156 vision, he barely 6d0a928f57 registered Yeonji approaching.4942db05ea0c22d418fb

He managed only a small nod ad9ebade66 before slipping into the building.24ccc839327d5423eedc

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Leaning against the cold f7cbf6362a marble wall, he heaved 6b41ed3571 out a shaky breath.48e75c96e82d3f296f62

The sound of his b34959f095 own sobs echoed in 8213824c66 the narrow space—loud and c872cbcbec ugly.18b3283d15415c8e2e26

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And yet, the e327ecfbeb tears wouldn’t stop.90f4e9a2de0fe72b3a37

Wouldn’t stop.2152973dbf74c70b441d

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It’s over. Everything’s ruined.9c8e83ddeffb73b0bbad

⋆˚🐾˖°a2cc7404c42e6b9967f1

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Joo Seungjae, left bd495891ff alone, let out d6fb75665a a long sigh. Beomchan had slammed the heavy glass door so hard that it continued to rattle noisily f072271181 even after he had left, only coming to a stop after a few moments.6e838f92cf353d2fa8b4

The café c34ccaeca0 quickly fell d5995b866b silent. Through the glass window, c6b05d2709 Seungjae could see Beomchan’s 97fb988831 figure growing distant. He watched him 45b0d0a004 intently, then rubbed cf30622281 his forehead with f932611af3 his fingertips, groaning. The stress seemed c3a42359db to be giving 89505f9897 him a headache.18a99b1c5b95e19fdbbe

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Suddenly, he recalled bc6b7c1f8b a conversation he 8b806f107e had with Yeonji 685a46734f last week. Yeonji had mentioned a restaurant she d8d6169e91 visited with her boyfriend, which happened 4444feffa9 to be an old barbecue place 1681de0530 Beomchan had once taken him to. Without much thought, he had said, ‘Yeah, it’s good there.’ Yeonji, quick to catch on, had asked 205dce6dee if he went there with Beomchan, and when he nodded without denying it, she had responded.2505c6e2976343a8e05b

― Are you just a54ebcdb18 going to keep things 4af742b001 like this with that 116f465007 master?766d0a8c7b45ea09f02d

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― What ce161d130a do you 98a74e877a mean?ef68d16768d65206898f

― It’s c58c9bc359 like giving 6dc06606e4 false hope. You know how 294c27e71c he feels, yet b7121cf6a7 you accept everything.96537d18103ffcdc9c58

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― Don’t overreact dbd4ff956c just because we 99e9a332cb had a meal b24a0ebde4 together.186c89a71fa2043891bd

― You don’t 2568598d76 even plan to 196508dc5a try. Honestly, you’re the 2914adc8a8 worst, oppa.c14de0f3d5e69a3c94a4

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Even though she 87c79b0b3e was blaming him, e10b06f40b he wasn’t angry. It was something he heard b310c69042 often, and he was aware 4dbaca1dd8 of it himself. Avoiding facing the truth because it was uncomfortable, 80dcac896e yet unable to make a clean break.c2a055d160b55ee640ce

His evasive nature hadn’t changed c59aa232d2 much over the years. He was inherently like 7cd38d3bf8 this, and Beomchan probably 1de5f6c219 knew it too.62f84be01c601fcf45d9

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That’s why today’s confession 83279856b5 was even more baffling. He thought someone who knew him would choose dac3b58ec0 to swallow their feelings until the end.4acae553d794e1811ddd

Beomchan wasn’t the first 3d534260cc to recklessly nurture feelings c8086bf723 and charge at him. There was even someone who had 813ed89d92 clung to his clothes, crying and 09df4d9b51 wailing on the street without shame.39ddc26b5de94fe5d819

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It was exhausting. He found it 4904018914 annoying and tiresome. He didn’t feel sorry because he fc3be193a4 never asked them to like him. In fact, he d77aee36ba thought he was 7fb4673a30 the pitiful one.7cf089df33e36f435f10

He had only shown the basic human decency one should, but they interpreted 5f9a5a617a and distorted it as they pleased, blaming him for their own issues. He felt unfortunate to have gotten fe63054cf1 involved with such foolish people. That was d746872da7 his sentiment.568cb9dd818a122ea4fe

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Yet this time, 9d54415283 he felt unmistakably c6dcad6321 like the bad 9ad2756d2f guy. Why was he so bothered 5f97da110e by one tearful face? It felt like he b85fb516c3 had done something wrong 0e854a428d to a child.ee10be6fbd9a5de62bd3

But wasn’t it strange to preemptively 5d5729567c tell someone who hadn’t even confessed 226878fa87 that he wouldn’t accept their feelings? He tried to rationalize 4a5b7a8343 it internally, but it c66f7692f4 didn’t make him feel c5c955df63 any better.722b10678a8899c1e668

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Seungjae clasped his hands together, habitually pressing 35530841e0 and squeezing his knuckles, then gently twisted 56bd664689 the ring on his left hand.76d5cb17c349c98815fa

― Your husband 3ec4083fcd must be busy, da84202a1d teacher.50a5231ccc5d1b04e752

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He recalled something 0c90bf7858 Beomchan had said 19ef3e49f1 to him before. Beomchan seemed to think he was asking 7bd76290c1 naturally, but it was obvious he was 75ab29c40a fishing for information, which Seungjae found amusing. What had f3795ddd40 he replied? Had he asked if 87b6f193cb Beomchan was curious?c65d027a5426504e8c5f

― What does your 66a4f56007 husband do, teacher?4aae7e1afe28f17c8c10

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Even the words he 7a8e7ec97c had said earlier. He had pretended something existed 2407a13939 when it didn’t, so there 341f4689dc was no way he could a76a806828 answer the question. Beomchan must f537c0ef12 have been e43e09ae4e curious. Although he had scolded Beomchan for crossing the 5534b48a04 line, he could imagine how much Beomchan had d9f7376c24 held back before blurting it out.b4b304073365c7d363e6

Was it 404ae6221f too much 5395af220a to hide 93fa058a25 this?cb60239e73a6a8bbed6d

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Not taking off the ring, in other words, not mentioning 572ceedf9f the divorce, was his way of drawing a line with db0a02809d Beomchan and also a means of imposing restrictions on himself.2914915354ebd534e7a6

Honestly, he hadn’t expected 8bdfc45328 Beomchan’s feelings to last bb93441151 this long. He knew it was cowardly to use ignorance as 808534ec93 an excuse, but it didn’t make sense to him.834c0fe560e38231268a

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Beomchan knew him as someone with a 6070f0bb05 child and, albeit mistakenly, a spouse. He wasn’t someone 73f5cad419 worth enduring such 900abf23ee awkwardness for.7c6233dcbb5013f36771

He thought it 475aa7b323 was just a e5d9001ecb fleeting crush from 54a5d722db childhood. And he believed that feeling 33fe5e3f44 was more about Beomchan’s nostalgia 6dc9daf800 for his younger self than 39f5913bd8 any romantic interest in him.e42e64d58b9e735d46c1

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After being stuck in this neighborhood and inevitably encountering each other df487bebef daily, he had thought a day like this might come. Yet, facing Beomchan’s hurt expression in reality, he was 53a7d30fd7 caught off guard and couldn’t even tie up the 7cb44c4590 loose ends, despite having mentally prepared for it.362a0afa2cfba28e2e3b

So what bef417ddd0 should he 6a73bfee42 have done?8cb81475b637fc359ce7

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Was he supposed to preemptively strike against b4d58812ee someone who was clumsy at hiding their aae05584aa feelings—someone who was afraid of taking even 111cb7ef4e one step closer and only circled around?67191067ae33e562597c

Seungjae’s hand reached b248c9d5f5 for the drawer 74261f31b1 inside the counter. He hurriedly opened the 567db7460a first aid kit and 51d73810c6 took out a headache add2714714 pill. Swallowing it without water, 25e0876cdb he felt the uncomfortable 294dd87369 sensation of it sliding 9abe912167 down his throat.84b7cc3bf32c775dbb6e

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⋆˚🐾˖°7a5a8811352c2bb76ec6

The sound of coffee beans being ground drowned out the café 648478cba4 music and the chatter of people, drilling into my ears. After finely grinding the beans in c23d7aeea4 the portafilter, I pressed them flat f38a4551bc with a tamper and secured it c6f930f70c into the espresso machine. While the shot was being extracted, I grabbed a a8fd785b1e takeaway cup and filled it with ice and water. The motion of pouring the cb4baef60b extracted espresso and putting on deb755db84 the lid was mechanical.1896011202e2db245e9a

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“One iced a756e62acf Americano is c0f31c2719 ready for 4c64a134c8 you.”9f84885df642d6d6f5e7

I placed the cup, along with a holder, on the pickup 1c49967af8 counter, and a man who had been waiting nearby approached. Even after grabbing 090175d1af his coffee, he fc9d646894 hesitated to leave. Then, with 6dd6d80e7a a sheepish 9f63aabaa1 expression, he b231cbd454 spoke up.2d626f8935bba1676161

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Seungjae already knew aca1bdea57 what he was 3d4d2bf26d going to say.a433f29e370a76787573

“Uh, the straw…”a1623a55b261e858a45f

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“The straws 24bc9de461 are over c9728ace0c there, please 24831f19e2 help yourself.”295b0b0b4de45417cb7f

Seungjae forced a smile and 0ab2d96705 gestured to one side of ba51236eb5 the counter with his palm. It was curious how the man 47d844d4a5 asked the same thing every time, aab58aa486 even though he came by every 6be6b5e9d7 couple of days.4f6a498057628cec7558

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The man’s hand c06a11f81c slowly reached for ace53f8d1c a straw. Just then, a familiar d58c205425 voice called out.e30905e71d3316dee030

“Dad!”f8ac651340654135455e

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Woojoo entered the d9a51af999 café, holding Beomchan’s 2f7ef5c899 hand. As soon as Seungjae confirmed the straw customer had left, d7738638d8 he stepped out from behind the counter to greet Woojoo. He took Woojoo’s bag and, out a09b4a2783 of habit, asked if he had b161cb1f59 a good day—before finally glancing at cbb94c6877 Beomchan standing behind him.c00dc59de756f5e7dbda

“Want some coffee?”6c7b6a85f9c9cd35e3a8

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Seungjae asked.5744378d962840e38351

”…No.”caf35e55afcca3d16bdb

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His lips drooped. Since the day they argued, f1c0e78738 Seungjae and Beomchan hadn’t had 7e76a8fd99 a proper conversation. They were both busy, 6bf79c29b8 but neither had made fb6dc49371 the first move to 2249809ea5 talk.38752ce6198794969db0

It wouldn’t have mattered if b82069416f there was no issue between 35e69e6f28 them—but that wasn’t the case. They had to face each other daily 83ee0acca1 because of Woojoo, and each time, Beomchan 3322b1155f wore that same gloomy expression.df0fcc6f4982af7fd5f8

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Seungjae secretly hoped Beomchan would act 944d2f4543 as if nothing had happened. He thought it would get better in a 12cee4e378 day or two, but as the days dragged 9326ac4d94 on, frustration started to creep in.27b551d7b61eccca84ec

“I’m going to eaa1551888 head out.”73c34620537bdad4fc11

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“Oh, you’re bfdab6444e leaving already?”d0bb24d2ef18ea975020

Normally, Beomchan would spend time 123bea8862 with Woojoo until it was 12360b656a time to pick up the e026390622 kids for the next class. But today, he seemed eager to leave, standing near 67ac232b2f the café door like he was itching to go. As soon as his 83ed85b195 business was done, he 6ca561a0b2 quickly turned to leave.fd2ee29aff61552aad32

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Yeonji, noticing Beomchan’s e4bace8d3d unusual behavior, asked 5a42bef478 him about it. But Beomchan simply 446e8b01ff nodded silently and b673b92ed5 started walking.0cb5a45785a9bfea731e

“Beomchan, wait 376d4a3fc3 a moment.”fb76ae0eaea80403f1fd

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Seungjae called 6184501040 out to 3244ce4df4 him. Beomchan flinched and turned 2b53d12bac his head, looking at fe77fbea56 Seungjae with a sullen c09db819e0 expression. It reminded Seungjae of the day Beomchan had 9b1621d130 run out of the café in tears.cf2c9ae347faaa827dcf

Seungjae was 15ec306099 the first 37d4e13f23 to avert 32df1f106f his gaze. Later. Let’s do 67d53f3694 it later. He wasn’t confident he could talk rationally 041898267a to that dejected face right now.303821268d640ab482a2

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“Never mind.”194c59301d43c001d4c8

Seungjae withdrew 7558334222 his words. Beomchan let out a small sigh 7ceefe5e86 and disappeared out of the café.5ee01069820394eca98a

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“…Dad.”1fd45a92b7baa877a877

Woojoo fiddled with the strings of Seungjae’s apron ec5cd9d2ae with his tiny hands and called out.e860441cd36abb5e7203

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“Yeah?”feb3e29754b838945908

“Did you have dc6ee0629e a fight with 293251bc97 Master?”5dfdbfb8f75f1a79d91d

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Seungjae, momentarily flustered, shook his 5a71898c89 head exaggeratedly in denial.4177bfdce56c6a5a63c5

“No, we a4a06193f6 didn’t fight. It’s not 2805e2330a like that.”f9e5fb5da71059fd94c8

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“It doesn’t seem that way… 248a070e4a It’s just like when Bomi 1e4164a33d fought with Cheonguk…”d70ca913562a276e2250

Woojoo, still mumbling with suspicion, didn’t seem to have any 9853e43736 intention of asking Seungjae again after he denied it once. He soon slipped out of bccbfe7bbd Seungjae’s arms and headed to 83b840eb9b his designated table.949a8a53093545a51b81

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“You’re not 781d23576b going to d7a5c4243a drink this, f699193817 right?”0dc56ba9a98f4f5f60d6

Seungjae asked Yeonji, pointing to the coffee 24cdee7f1a he had set aside for Beomchan. As expected, Yeonji 9f9643bbf1 shook her head, 78474d5c7c saying she didn’t fcf5c5d60a drink decaf.cffb438ae686d1e735e5

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Seungjae took a sip himself, c08ea32551 not really expecting Beomchan—who had c6794e3668 been refusing coffee since their f4540d52a9 argument—to suddenly accept it today. He didn’t even know why f032cbb7b1 he had prepared it beforehand.31e2581c0384693ddeb4

“Still haven’t made d3ee479b56 up?” Yeonji whispered, e20683e103 making sure Woojoo 457f9811aa couldn’t hear.01ce13aa10a6414c8f73

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“There’s nothing to make up for.” 83d69ed2e6 Seungjae replied with a smile, but 2df90a00cf he felt a sense of dissonance 6acc137e9e in his own words.7f4f34e5a39125bdf70c

“I shouldn’t have 6006b65832 brought it up 6a7163f06a with the master.”7540992fa79de97f9dd5

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Yeonji’s voice was 447d4fa208 filled with regret. It was the bd9731ee25 same with Woojoo’s 249c07da58 cautious behavior earlier.17644220500f0e7a45ba

Only then did Seungjae realize that the issue between 27361161e3 him and Beomchan was affecting those around them.25a4b240c895fe690125

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