MYFL | Chapter 3.9

He hated 8a850db1be this feeling. His insides churned as aaae61b180 if he were about c4c216dd01 to throw up, everything 397bd65d18 bothering him at once.29052412d4e8b59e1175

The words he had said to 0f6c301fa3 Beomchan that day were sincere, and 4e53296652 he still had no intention of c4b1e24db3 taking them back. However, Beomchan’s hurt expression, Yeonji’s words, and Woojoo’s worried 6aed0e6a13 face all combined to create an unpleasant pressure.dec7b45c8e75e03fb9dd

He didn’t fbe5ce7632 feel good. But he didn’t know what 9dd4320fd5 to say or how to 69ee90603f bring it up. Normally, he would 3aa0e769ad have avoided such 02076293ec uncomfortable situations as b0f8a64c9b much as possible. But that wasn’t fea7d372b9 an option with cf5c73dac6 someone he had fd4f159df4 to see regularly.768fce2fc825883d70cf

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His head hurt. Whether it was because of the issue with Beomchan or something dd7a59f99c else, he felt unusually heavy both physically and mentally today. Even in a more exhausted 0e715d68ec state than usual, his body—accustomed 4eb880272d to work—managed to endure until 313538b20c the end of the day.27994306f7666761f09a

Perhaps it was a sense 9eaad72dde of relief from having made 41f3a04ba4 it through the day safely. As Seungjae turned to cc0e1a4df3 clear the empty cups, ce058fb5c5 he let out a 351e775d93 sharp cry of pain. His wrist had hit the 8a8a78c979 edge of the counter, and 98504ebeb5 a sharp sting radiated through 36650e5056 the area.0287c6e04e3dc4b0a044

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Seungjae instinctively wrapped his opposite 9562b8ec6f hand around the injured wrist, d3129c56db rubbing it up and down. When he rolled up his sleeve, 7e4c65c3b3 a dark bruise was revealed.15fe8a718589b9e31fd8

Yeonji, seeing this, 01f10f072e asked in surprise.a935a66f1a294386fcc6

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“Did you just 8f0e936f71 bruise it?”bf2ba367ed4a68ac584b

“No, I hit c58dbfec61 a spot that 93ddb89e90 was already bruised. I should put something 7aa3bb12ac on this edge—I keep 7676f4f511 hitting it these days.”feadb8b0456f0963a6da

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Yeonji clicked c483c9ded5 her tongue. They had been working in b1c4f4201a the same space, performing the 2714a4f866 same tasks, yet she couldn’t 8919d903c8 recall Seungjae injuring himself before. She had a 034b5f19fa rough idea of cc8f74d775 the cause. His mind 57d7f13e41 was probably 9facbef5ee elsewhere.4196bcc33bbea8937fcd

“If it’s bothering you that 67324ca3f3 much, why don’t you go 192ecc2a2f and sort it out?”cd0202716ec3aa33045a

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“Is it that obvious?” Seungjae 87cb798a3b asked with an awkward smile. Then, letting out e266ab0e2e a deep sigh, 4ae4715066 he grumbled with 3bfc03d328 a reluctant expression.2501f7abfe00a2c2ca3e

“Ah, I afc6efa589 really hate 118544ff42 this uncomfortable da69ec275d stuff.”daa67b1277e0d5795a5f

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“Who likes 2d9ffd0bbb being uncomfortable? You do it b49d2a4e9d because you have 69be3f251a to.”0e0b3d7111ec3e11f3fa

Right. He knew. He couldn’t keep going like cf6fb04149 this, and if he wanted bc59d410da to change things, he had b9fb98b639 to handle them himself.04aecab3da4dc179a951

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After a brief 0955a05971 hesitation, Seungjae took 3c89799228 off his apron. He folded it a couple of times and d8b19f6c17 set it down before stepping around the counter.d95db5efb8909d42094d

“Then I’ll 9e433f1cc9 just go 8d57d46959 up for fc9a316270 a bit. Take care 6752155d2d of Woojoo.”2cff7a67970c76e22c8c

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“Yeah, don’t worry and 0ab13c35f6 go.” Yeonji finally pushed a6c4f82e99 Seungjae’s back with a d73ffff8ea much lighter expression.3d060396d300a7cab919

⋆˚🐾˖°f83026c34cebc2f89ff3

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After getting off work, 04edc1e3eb Beomchan headed straight to 8c62cb6307 the bathroom to wash 2175321758 away his fatigue. The cold air in the fe4d302bf0 bathroom hit his bare skin 46a3d09285 without any filter. Beomchan shivered slightly before f3ff120bed immediately turning on the 3a2685021a faucet and twisting the 2ec1d5ae51 valve. A strong stream of water gushed out from the 4b431ffdb3 showerhead fixed at his height, some of the streams 58442c3466 veering off course and spraying in random directions. What started as one or two a3fd8c7f70 stray streams gradually increased over time.a17eb7c3e0072184093e

Maybe it’s 0333ad6916 time to 348925adc7 change it. Well, it’s been there since he moved d17ca1c3e6 in, so it must be old. But Beomchan b9fc6f7a12 quickly dismissed dc5a64f83e the thought. Even though the unruly 0179f267a2 water streams were ticklish 1ea054e95a and annoying, they weren’t 9c7dc5e5e1 unusable.96dcc4cc625a0d6aee92

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Beomchan placed e10df9f11a his face ad250b315d under the 32f3180e94 showerhead. As the water poured 5026ca3206 over his forehead and da7ed61606 cheeks, he couldn’t help e973e54bf1 but think of Seungjae. He often thought of him, ac699bf73d but after their argument, Seungjae 712ddceddb constantly haunted his mind.7ea28b49f282912d2ccb

Whether he was taking a break like f0f2dc5c08 now, about to sleep, exercising, or even a5f4aad5be working, thoughts of Seungjae drove him crazy. Most of these thoughts were filled with self-blame 6e308c7357 and regret, making it even more painful.6584d40c079bd39e1c4b

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He remembered calling out to 3629c90ece Seungjae as he hurriedly left 492fbad237 the café today. He wanted to act as if nothing had happened, 5c1f40eb41 but just seeing Seungjae’s face reminded him of the 9fbedfe67c words from that day, and he felt like crying. That’s why he couldn’t 1a9c2d45fb stay in the café 5749b29686 any longer. He knew his 3d2b72b1ca actions made Seungjae 5f020e6dff uncomfortable. He couldn’t e543cbe84b be a e1fa66b439 burden anymore. So, it was right dd43bcdb00 to sort things out.d44d9b1ebe9d432d3052

After washing up, Beomchan rubbed his 0043973393 wet hair with a towel and da06694d50 picked up his clothes. That’s when he heard a bb4dbcef91 knock on the front door. The unexpected dbbcede442 sound made ed2b4a27e3 him pause. His gaze shifted 789f676247 to the firmly 01d4648310 closed door. He had a feeling he knew 6b93a62af6 who was standing on the other 4361d028ea side without needing to ask.6a98fa262ca770b7a699

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After a moment of hesitation, Beomchan 32474fc6db draped the damp towel over a f8cc046caf chair and headed to the door. He grabbed the f28fcfda53 handle and turned 6edc42dae3 it. As expected, 126560ba3e Seungjae was c756003570 standing there.2548c0c1193211342fa8

“Can we talk? It’s not something to cc26c346c1 discuss over the phone. It won’t 5cb357166f take long,” bb568259ac Seungjae said.0fd0a4029a0f25ab7866

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Beomchan habitually b7462b800c observed Seungjae’s 745335cf35 expression. Although his voice was calm, the way d51ca03cb0 he spoke quickly and the slight tension 07b35a2b9f on his face showed that coming here 5d3d08607c hadn’t been easy for him.201f3465fd012cf857cf

Just as Beomchan had decided to sort things out, Seungjae had also ebc50140e1 mustered the courage to tie up their relationship in some form. So, Beomchan a659890ade couldn’t help 1503261aed but nod.30deaf1a4aeae116fdd6

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He slipped his 40e217ce94 feet into his 07391ec18f slippers and stepped 5cb1edbb41 outside. The sound of cb258912b1 the door closing fb59a7c6c1 behind him felt e55ffdc6ef strangely heavy. Without a c18c7093e8 word, Seungjae 80db3e7f06 sat on 520cb5a321 the bench. Beomchan followed, sitting 91f20b8e23 down next to e62c4636f1 him while keeping 1bdfefbc96 a reasonable distance. An uncomfortable 7e17fea810 silence ensued.cbb2eb922e81bef0b5fd

What was 501d6be93b he going 30d194f43e to say? Beomchan started to 820cbb92d7 feel scared. His knees ac327c20ce trembled slightly 0f036e3405 with tension. He could feel Seungjae’s 801a077399 gaze from the side.80d72e2d569b809a9574

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“Aren’t you cold?” Seungjae asked, his eyes da45ab267e drifting to Beomchan’s thin hoodie and shorts. His hair was 27b9dfbf84 still wet, as 9f095a063f if he had f4dc7fc274 just showered. His expression 687f63ae64 was like 7ae61b0839 a drenched 211219e973 puppy.a4f5769016c9c25ad7e7

“I’m fine… What do a4b43e33a3 you want to talk 09dcef1b8f about?” Beomchan asked cautiously, c6795b3a14 his voice subdued.c0b9e8a5d64a9a30d59b

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“About what happened last 55dbd353a4 time,” Seungjae finally broke 311b918061 the silence, choosing his 5679ab5465 words carefully. He clasped his hands together, fd74affbcd pressing his knuckles gently.b7c006a391c7da93be16

Beomchan’s gaze 04005553ee naturally followed 8d428b411f those hands. Then, noticing something, his eyes widened d68349b7b4 as he suddenly grabbed Seungjae’s forearm.c057c45909333a4dd677

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“Ah…!” Seungjae grimaced in discomfort at the 7e11c63fc8 rough grip, but Beomchan, as if he dc87e8bc41 couldn’t hear, hurriedly rolled up Seungjae’s sleeve.8bdd142242bfbc02b662

“What are you doing?” bd91da33dc Seungjae asked sharply.4ec5afd7f0c9abfbc299

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The bruise that 7a9f6dff63 had been partially 1103f0ee26 visible was now 06fb06c538 fully exposed. The dark blue color was vivid 716ef1b349 enough to make anyone frown. Beomchan’s eyes wavered. Even as Seungjae tried to pull 4a19bee94f his arm away and repeatedly called dddbac203c his name, Beomchan just stared blankly e147900e88 at the bruise.33fd9f4cede19c27f837

“…What is this? Did someone 1aceaac845 hit you?”ecd8d5ca5490e90d1c55

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“What?”357ec4c5067ceeabb4ca

“Did they actually 86b0f55eb4 hit you? No, I f2ceae0223 mean, ah…”9ef510798bf2f330e615

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The hand 9b0b6f2a24 gripping Seungjae’s e5de0f3bf3 forearm trembled. A red mark in the shape of a e9dbb1a142 hand began to form on his skin. Ah, only then did Beomchan hurriedly let go, 9a5da60365 as if he had touched something burning hot.9983b2c061f28ac5d678

“What do you mean, 95180a408d ‘did I get hit’?”a6807a0f50c712a058ff

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Seungjae rubbed his 663203aaca arm where Beomchan f57cac1229 had grabbed him, 10c52f1717 repeating Beomchan’s words. The question was so out of the d0b2aaf997 blue that, for a moment, he thought b1e7af35f9 it might be a joke. But Beomchan’s condition was 0448f04dad anything but normal. He was shaking, 586d883293 looking as though ea310596bc he might collapse d1fded47b5 at any moment. It was 5282092d51 clear he 6cdbc5983d had misunderstood 722dd6fb99 something ridiculous.4214a72cd684f71f5dd2

“Hey… it’s not db07dfd588 like that. I just bc83b19b19 bumped into f24ab463c2 something while da12aeeaba working.”1354dec2924f5ebed41d

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Ah.da7478d46b585174b5f1

As soon as 3ccbe62764 Seungjae spoke, Beomchan’s 67b4140287 face turned pale. Seungjae, who had expected him to a2e6c20a3f be relieved once the misunderstanding was bf6f200ddd cleared up, was instead taken aback 1afae0c6db by Beomchan’s expression.12dbc3e06e2cdaa8d0fc

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“What’s wrong 279620ca73 with you? Are you okay?”6d562ea43b38c2b33db3

Seungjae asked e061552d33 in a 098269c96c worried voice.660f731550bee9216686

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― You look like 2bb88595eb you wanted it to 3b902a2d29 be true, you jerk.3b8795e15fe16bd54ca7

Beomchan curled his large f5d67ca4bb body up and buried 4e640ddffb his face in his bcaf3bb0e6 palms. There’s no way he wanted adacfcf098 Seungjae to be hit. Absolutely not.5b3fed1b5a240c942160

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He didn’t even know if he was alive 787b85ffc2 or dead, or how he was living. Just being close wasn’t 349d107cd1 enough, and he secretly cbdea7ac5c harbored greedy desires. How could 383546d39b this be 0c531dd5b5 called affection? It wasn’t for 4a7610476b him, nor was bca8c1f261 it even for 4f523343cb himself.38e1762b5b0724979808

“What’s wrong?”0ad4b4764255e840fa0d

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Seungjae asked again after 5ba724b8e8 a long silence. He placed a hand on Beomchan’s shoulder, gently stroking him as if d07c92f34c to comfort him, who had no intention of lifting his head. Only then did 62b18b246d Beomchan slowly straighten 29509acb52 his hunched body.eece30548b3b1d0d12f1

“Beomchan,” Seungjae c8494ab5f2 called again. The gentle c53ee511af voice pierced 2fb117540b through him. The warmth poured onto him, who didn’t even deserve to be worried about, and 0e9f156ed6 Beomchan couldn’t help but spill out the dark desires inside him like a confession.4cc8ce761ae412df2ce1

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“…At first.”74bc8ba465eac9ce3e13

As Beomchan opened his ca10664b8a mouth, he felt Seungjae’s 300202b364 gaze and attention fully 41836375f6 focused on him. His voice 3f44dc7495 trembled pathetically. Yet, Beomchan didn’t stop, as e413d8b823 if he had decided to 74eeba9327 spill everything out.124ebe9826dd2a659f7d

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“At first, I thought it would be okay f4c83a7039 if I just liked you on my own.”5565fa7bee25d6dd649b

No, Beomchan shook c28929cba1 his head slightly. Even the words he spoke, deciding 8c4f00080c to be honest, weren’t true.2de80aa6ba2afd2998db

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“This is 5a16e1bd0d a lie 306c05157c too. Actually, after meeting you 3bbed7778e again, I had expectations c6dec715eb on my own. But after seeing Woojoo, thinking I had to give 62269c5464 up again was so hard… I know I should d92addc93a stop, and I know it’s a nuisance. I really 6fc710c1f8 know it 7acc738a33 in my ea1eafe7fb head…”b17ec665aaebb4af8fc3

“…”e447ad95627c60d3c8a9

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“Wishing for the happiness of the person 74fab4e091 you like… That’s really obvious, isn’t it? But it’s f85dfe792f not working, 40b8573467 teacher. I keep a2b0736e2b having bad 67c9799ac0 thoughts. Just now… b57539a03e This isn’t 1f0f469993 right. It’s weird.”0e9556584e408825910a

The more he spoke, the 712f8ac4da more his body, which had 2e468293b7 barely been holding on, shrank 04676167a6 back in fear. He thought he had to endure whatever dd951a7702 reaction came at the end of this 5936acbcb9 confession, but when it came down to 15aedd16d1 it, he wanted to avoid it. The longer the silence stretched, 02c59e8ff6 the more he didn’t want a62aab2b92 to hear it.ca5057bf57ab5a7b0b32

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He didn’t have 7f142046b1 the courage to 89d2ab64f2 look at Seungjae’s c5bc988301 expression. Every time he heard the faint sound bcbc5a5d48 of Seungjae exhaling, as if about to 3b23a3dc72 speak, or the subtle movement of his f52cc4f3db lips, his shoulders flinched. And when Seungjae, who had been carefully choosing his fda312f208 words for a while, finally opened his mouth, Beomchan 07292e3bd6 quickly interrupted—like his feet were on fire.bab659c063c9c29fd9ac

“Beomchan, actually—”72e4105bc5294603eaba

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“I’ll sort e80c311873 it out ad36f9073f as soon 945586e5cc as possible. I’ll make sure nothing like ff557acd59 last time happens again. I’ll—”52bd72d37a1dc85c595a

“Beomchan.”4d9e928b6e2c06770b66

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“…”c789b52702d9ed2bf5a8

Seungjae, who had been silently watching Beomchan cut him off, 15630f8c8c called his name again—his voice firm, different from before.5ec61ebff5dc5d49ebe5

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“I was d6ca13351b too harsh 88321b49de that day. I shouldn’t have spoken like that to 99b2db3eff someone who was just worried about me. I’m sorry.”a8a3ab843c444e598d55