MYFL | Chapter 3.9

He hated this 1304d15810 feeling. His insides 6dbe90dc86 churned as 7f0ac3049f if he f6a742f886 were about 47dd155ff8 to throw 2ab96cc567 up, everything 8ee5796f88 bothering him 1b70e7106e at once.128bb64085ce50b6

The words he had 9310743dac said to Beomchan that efb037b310 day were sincere, and c093bbbd4e he still had no f76d09172d intention of taking them b0bf8562d6 back. However, Beomchan’s hurt c8525f06f8 expression, Yeonji’s words, 4b88bcccc4 and Woojoo’s worried 5cb0c8a034 face all combined 8dc50eb148 to create an a03fe1cbc6 unpleasant pressure.c6e6343f1ef97125

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He didn’t feel c1095cbb02 good. But he didn’t 4c502891ff know what to 776d3e854d say or how dda25d4c9a to bring it 65d225f270 up. Normally, he would have 36075f4d4c avoided such uncomfortable situations 1a96ce2c7c as much as possible. But that b5e516878b wasn’t an 17b0f2c1a4 option with 81bf0910a1 someone he a885050862 had to 66cb27f2ad see regularly.0cf1814e7cf23d3b

His head hurt. Whether it was because f2cadadd19 of the issue with e7f717f845 Beomchan or something else, 5495b84fb6 he felt unusually heavy 49cf2df0c4 both physically and mentally e6a7006bc6 today. Even in ec9a39568c a more bc63b895a5 exhausted state 5409306e1b than usual, 3531198a11 his body—accustomed 67cd1d05c8 to work—managed 7b77f9c7c4 to endure 89978929f2 until the 417337dbfe end of bd811913b7 the day.3dbbd3b7ff8917bb

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Perhaps it was ac7e9d5e9b a sense of ebd4cdcdfe relief from having ad080d97da made it through 9cb0f7c027 the day safely. As Seungjae turned 253ce84af9 to clear the 87d43407c6 empty cups, he 3f45e0b46e let out a 2d709daed8 sharp cry of ffc89c06d5 pain. His wrist had hit 267ad347d2 the edge of the 7cef35a21f counter, and a sharp cfef9c4e36 sting radiated through the f54c2508d9 area.3769001bbc0fa795

Seungjae instinctively 44f7002357 wrapped his 8d6155ec68 opposite hand 2283c3229c around the bd82cb91ac injured wrist, 3f7019fc0a rubbing it 0446998948 up and 27289759d6 down. When he rolled 01e1160c1a up his sleeve, f886d15584 a dark bruise d6ad92fa9b was revealed.8dd9956da268d9e7

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Yeonji, seeing this, c9ed692884 asked in surprise.fcbaded84e1c51e7

“Did you just a01c0dbff5 bruise it?”78961aca957b15bb

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“No, I hit 0dcc8d7052 a spot that 9ca99e2802 was already bruised. I should e2cd7efc08 put something 0921710309 on this 764edcf9c8 edge—I keep ca8dabe661 hitting it 9bbc140fad these days.”bc41f336c7fa6595

Yeonji clicked her 3382fa8928 tongue. They had been 48d34ebbe3 working in the 318f554515 same space, performing b2fd9a352d the same tasks, 82fc2cdca7 yet she couldn’t 3c3c3cc221 recall Seungjae injuring 75a8985f3c himself before. She had a e8cf2be294 rough idea of 48cfe6b905 the cause. His mind 50c756f7c9 was probably 5ff011502d elsewhere.850ea7dc801f0358

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“If it’s bothering you b3ac2f50bf that much, why don’t a9b0cc3234 you go and sort 3bf60a70a3 it out?”2cdbf2aa584a283e

“Is it f30043beac that obvious?” db49201232 Seungjae asked 200ec8cbbb with an 5acf70233d awkward smile. Then, letting 29a300aaa2 out a 190d97e063 deep sigh, 574385b9c0 he grumbled 2d6a189bd3 with a e440063e3c reluctant expression.34d3e4d1e6a610d7

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“Ah, I really 58b660ac53 hate this uncomfortable 0937f155b7 stuff.”b7fc5426abb1aeb9

“Who likes being 4acfc476df uncomfortable? You do it because 71b3a5d194 you have to.”fe843240ffd6ae1d

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Right. He knew. He couldn’t keep c459d57251 going like this, 6ed33b5b10 and if he 94a6db0867 wanted to change c5b6e4444d things, he had f5c48dfe1d to handle them 979a41e108 himself.23fb402f5e1da5f2

After a brief hesitation, 5f42a2cc20 Seungjae took off his 7eb0bdcce4 apron. He folded it dbe94e31d0 a couple of 45c83d9dc3 times and set 01b75dedfe it down before e664f3496d stepping around the 6d34ebfe51 counter.eb97faeef224363f

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“Then I’ll just go c4363600bc up for a bit. Take care of 711c5c27cf Woojoo.”960b10b5b22caeea

“Yeah, don’t worry a05bc065dd and go.” Yeonji 80a4532ea9 finally pushed Seungjae’s 11ce627b1b back with a 588be98a11 much lighter expression.23a6f22a82b477cf

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⋆˚🐾˖°2fbc89dcf21d950c

After getting off de251e0cd7 work, Beomchan headed 3255847caa straight to the da27154b3b bathroom to wash a5ef5a4426 away his fatigue. The cold air 884ef973ec in the bathroom 531b90995c hit his bare 7a1b037f7c skin without any a01965a6ca filter. Beomchan shivered slightly before 39b16d5058 immediately turning on the 2e02866ba0 faucet and twisting the 677d6472ab valve. A strong 45da1bf5b4 stream of 2e986f48d0 water gushed 45adaf25c0 out from 4ef58a294c the showerhead cd31a2ba75 fixed at cf9dcdc4b7 his height, cc3e231e27 some of 900be10f74 the streams 070b529af7 veering off 82079c84f1 course and ca1c74657d spraying in b589230d47 random directions. What started as one 5828d6cbf7 or two stray streams 32f129632d gradually increased over time.991a8e223825cfa9

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Maybe it’s time to 71bc2c1b2d change it. Well, it’s been there 222fe84509 since he moved in, 7574730fe4 so it must be 3afd254a6b old. But Beomchan quickly ede5fee0af dismissed the thought. Even though dd6bc988cf the unruly fac00aa616 water streams ecf20493fe were ticklish 3bb8af2e43 and annoying, 2c5a8ffc47 they weren’t 5534d13f25 unusable.74cc4bf88cfd26e2

Beomchan placed his face 7e70aa3a2b under the showerhead. As the water 61399a0693 poured over his 9c9cee7e31 forehead and cheeks, ade3e8c1c8 he couldn’t help 15698830c8 but think of dab90ac639 Seungjae. He often thought of 918bfdb6e4 him, but after their 77334b010a argument, Seungjae constantly haunted be70d2de7f his mind.31b1c024ef94a74d

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Whether he was d3efd377f9 taking a break dbea11433d like now, about 712cbff146 to sleep, exercising, 90dafbdddb or even working, c940a1d39d thoughts of Seungjae 33b3cb876f drove him crazy. Most of these thoughts 0a7dff2d98 were filled with self-blame 6f61509e92 and regret, making it ba8c7eb457 even more painful.c01845a473a9e931

He remembered calling cec031d8c3 out to Seungjae db9fd0c7b7 as he hurriedly 56cadb6d1e left the café 007d794b91 today. He wanted 70e6beae90 to act 10d312ab27 as if fe15a3a8b8 nothing had 8cde82e8df happened, but 486520417d just seeing 87bb1ab4c3 Seungjae’s face 5085c76761 reminded him 6a34666247 of the f46b273632 words from 191251c0d1 that day, 72b24b7ec8 and he dfae85e20f felt like 57428025d7 crying. That’s why he couldn’t 23f42519a5 stay in the café fc556de683 any longer. He knew his 76e8aaf975 actions made Seungjae eb12ee25aa uncomfortable. He couldn’t be acc803d086 a burden anymore. So, it was right 428ad877ae to sort things out.2675563706224b5b

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After washing up, Beomchan 7bfddfad8e rubbed his wet hair 5a5252415c with a towel and 0d6286b37d picked up his clothes. That’s when 8b7317a1e1 he heard 8f85d390d3 a knock 864039d42d on the 7daffa29f0 front door. The unexpected sound made 012bc215cf him pause. His gaze 3ec145292e shifted to af63a4694f the firmly e6da42da9f closed door. He had a 6815f6e2ce feeling he knew d790807137 who was standing 983b68284f on the other edc2711b86 side without needing 97890375d9 to ask.23e311a328c5af7a

After a 793fca918f moment of ecad1f1387 hesitation, Beomchan 05af3b2d13 draped the 144fac1809 damp towel d51ba5efcc over a 840e476c03 chair and 997d0b8e86 headed to fb0940ac54 the door. He grabbed the handle ea659723d8 and turned it. As expected, 03141f0844 Seungjae was 295ed10344 standing there.d16d7b95dab94b9d

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“Can we talk? It’s not something 03d5924f74 to discuss over 5e51b35349 the phone. It won’t 36a27dfd04 take long,” 6cf67555d4 Seungjae said.888856997f244036

Beomchan habitually observed e20bff0ca4 Seungjae’s expression. Although his eeba1b3e0e voice was 3a17390e44 calm, the c4edc31b8c way he 5a4dc0d714 spoke quickly 6a9417d212 and the 84e102c354 slight tension 74b0fac9da on his 3fcc0b1422 face showed 8bd4d396cf that coming 78e7022e95 here hadn’t 05bd622101 been easy 78cbf8da09 for him.dd846f73b4430a99

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Just as Beomchan had efec6d3e0e decided to sort things 5489f5dddc out, Seungjae had also 0a54dd4599 mustered the courage to 61c99542ac tie up their relationship cfd771ed24 in some form. So, Beomchan couldn’t aad797f5d7 help but nod.f50f2d01ee1b73f0

He slipped 0ba21274c7 his feet 1e816038bb into his 9bd96ccc4e slippers and 3db6dee777 stepped outside. The sound of 316e7bdb59 the door closing 132fedb3fa behind him felt 7dcb3fc1fe strangely heavy. Without a word, b4bc729523 Seungjae sat on 111474d7fd the bench. Beomchan followed, 7ec1617560 sitting down 63fcb2fa30 next to 50ec4a2ea9 him while 69eec95a19 keeping a 9d1599bf1c reasonable distance. An uncomfortable silence ensued.899a778fe0880294

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What was he 2f25453d69 going to say? Beomchan started 5dca977b63 to feel c8bb7fe5d3 scared. His knees trembled slightly ba17dd5edf with tension. He could 2173fa9ee7 feel Seungjae’s e04598ba64 gaze from 37289ac242 the side.51fe151efb75ef3a

“Aren’t you cold?” 33a1908605 Seungjae asked, his 1bdeb3840e eyes drifting to 39a401c09e Beomchan’s thin hoodie aa7797ce2b and shorts. His hair 2be2ab53e9 was still b367533955 wet, as 5b1474774c if he 85cb9d7c47 had just 04b781684e showered. His expression was afb9f41a44 like a drenched 97f6ad759e puppy.206684d58e4f9cbf

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“I’m fine… What do 45369a69ae you want to talk adc7137d4d about?” Beomchan asked cautiously, ba796de53f his voice subdued.590f8948da711eda

“About what happened last b9c0411acd time,” Seungjae finally broke d929afa8b6 the silence, choosing his de25fd6065 words carefully. He clasped 759e0eb76b his hands a3aa648403 together, pressing 89f4c13362 his knuckles fb0ff6ea84 gently.a0bf8f24879252f3

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Beomchan’s gaze naturally 971de8f83a followed those hands. Then, noticing something, his 7495796f28 eyes widened as he 1beb67e09b suddenly grabbed Seungjae’s forearm.4b81615fc6c5a31f

“Ah…!” Seungjae grimaced 7e12458654 in discomfort at 74511f3170 the rough grip, 55d6d8f75b but Beomchan, as 49717f7183 if he couldn’t 41e0adce5a hear, hurriedly rolled 8a5554e9fd up Seungjae’s sleeve.5bca6428ead273a7

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“What are you d14c03b454 doing?” Seungjae asked 45366c3c6e sharply.1811e048b5dd6d35

The bruise that c265bc5789 had been partially 3436d77d0b visible was now 8a99031743 fully exposed. The dark 6903c48ee0 blue color 0466483fa0 was vivid 4dd6efa1ba enough to 4fc14350b7 make anyone 15e47ea557 frown. Beomchan’s eyes wavered. Even as b3ca8855e8 Seungjae tried cbc7e7ff31 to pull a01daeb509 his arm bbfa98131e away and bef0b91c91 repeatedly called 7b5ad3bb0f his name, 29a0fba843 Beomchan just c3938c8ee7 stared blankly f7854900f7 at the baebc0d26f bruise.a2247b59392bb9d9

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“…What is this? Did someone hit 69c044e918 you?”80fdc925d5f5c72e

“What?”5ed2b1faa5b9583b

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“Did they 6d43af9ecc actually hit 8f3aaccab3 you? No, I mean, ah…”08b55d118404724e

The hand gripping 6115d0d55d Seungjae’s forearm trembled. A red 9ccebca861 mark in fb89283367 the shape 4f91f396a3 of a 3ca63058a5 hand began 6add4c9b83 to form 59c40b7446 on his ccbb73e505 skin. Ah, only then did 3140956364 Beomchan hurriedly let go, 7fffdf7ffd as if he had 410de036ee touched something burning hot.53d381a81ab3b214

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“What do you 22b702f513 mean,‘did I get hit’?”68ceaf887de6bbde

Seungjae rubbed his 59a48331f9 arm where Beomchan dd0a15233f had grabbed him, 2cff717ddd repeating Beomchan’s words. The question 3d3f950ba4 was so 2557858e7e out of bb03777d68 the blue 81d4faacf4 that, for 7875a04c3a a moment, 1ed557d8ef he thought 0c554f5553 it might 844d0fc119 be a 1ee2d882c9 joke. But Beomchan’s 6a32a99b83 condition was f1047000fb anything but c7ca4b7dba normal. He was shaking, looking 614664de74 as though he might 2e5f0186d5 collapse at any moment. It was clear 454bf04c9c he had misunderstood 5ba395e991 something ridiculous.56196a4872a6ad4a

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“Hey… it’s not like 795e5c0ed3 that. I just 89b5dd3933 bumped into 9ecccd9f35 something while 442da82ad8 working.”1b418dfed9839f67

Ah.baf30ebde4e18f85

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As soon 5ee2f9d51e as Seungjae 3bbd29686b spoke, Beomchan’s d1638e0d0c face turned 313e5c8df2 pale. Seungjae, who fc1396a4ca had expected e5f3bfe644 him to ceba03d6ab be relieved 106050b85a once the 9290a802b8 misunderstanding was edf4aa22c1 cleared up, 30d20330f1 was instead fa54eb9940 taken aback 198ea0c079 by Beomchan’s 1106c1a6d0 expression.5f0ee38d47b84f71

“What’s wrong with 8241ea2449 you? Are you okay?”83b56717ee8b9bfa

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Seungjae asked 93d0b392cc in a 3cc78ddc1e worried voice.d3c110e3c71ffd08

― You look 71c57d2af1 like you wanted 34d685ba80 it to be 1d629cec67 true, you jerk.f4c9a167a48a6eb3

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Beomchan curled his large body up and buried his face in his palms. There’s no way he wanted Seungjae to be hit. Absolutely not.69319da232894846

He didn’t even know if he was alive or dead, or how he was living. Just being close wasn’t enough, and he secretly harbored greedy desires. How could this be called affection? It wasn’t for him, nor was it even for himself.88be8fe13897e3ab

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“What’s wrong?”8d16eabb94e0670d

Seungjae asked again after a long silence. He placed a hand on Beomchan’s shoulder, gently stroking him as if to comfort him, who had no intention of lifting his head. Only then did Beomchan slowly straighten his hunched body.ceb813948b9eeae6

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“Beomchan,” Seungjae called again. The gentle voice pierced through him. The warmth poured onto him, who didn’t even deserve to be worried about, and Beomchan couldn’t help but spill out the dark desires inside him like a confession.a2ae7df80fecb5eb

“…At first.”e12605d96c36dcd9

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As Beomchan opened his mouth, he felt Seungjae’s gaze and attention fully focused on him. His voice trembled pathetically. Yet, Beomchan didn’t stop, as if he had decided to spill everything out.1a972ce6165c9ef3

“At first, I thought it would be okay if I just liked you on my own.”37eee6dfbdf97614

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No, Beomchan shook his head slightly. Even the words he spoke, deciding to be honest, weren’t true.45df5e970224ebcd

“This is a lie too. Actually, after meeting you again, I had expectations on my own. But after seeing Woojoo, thinking I had to give up again was so hard… I know I should stop, and I know it’s a nuisance. I really know it in my head…”34a8d15f62b421da

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“…”49191b1a49f41d4a

“Wishing for 0134506c67 the happiness 0ae29e5a8c of the db7ce66036 person you fcfb6028a7 like… That’s dcb212aeda really obvious, 3611d37642 isn’t it? But it’s not working, 6b62d084ea teacher. I keep having bad 006f2523b5 thoughts. Just now… d947893942 This isn’t f366283d10 right. It’s weird.”f50fc3a6c066f0da

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The more 2c05e6730c he spoke, 8aa89ed404 the more 61ad2650f0 his body, 33bf7d02ae which had d0c0b0372b barely been 4fee8a6c5f holding on, 6cf2eff1bf shrank back 2a2a490d6e in fear. He thought he 06b02c0567 had to endure 4ceda58ab1 whatever reaction came 00db519743 at the end daec3d6018 of this confession, 28e13255db but when it 9aff845d0e came down to 061ac5c7fd it, he wanted 22fccbb197 to avoid it. The longer the silence 49ec1c2367 stretched, the more he a8f9848c46 didn’t want to hear 3c0aefc4ca it.e8e5c6965687bf05

He didn’t 40f6170aed have the 55bab8f3dd courage to daae15ff76 look at 632a259f12 Seungjae’s expression. Every time he heard b074459456 the faint sound of 762b61a29b Seungjae exhaling, as if 63e6dd9994 about to speak, or b941e4843f the subtle movement of 4792382b71 his lips, his shoulders 6d37b2aff0 flinched. And when Seungjae, 6525751e4c who had been 01639b12d7 carefully choosing his 0d20b0ff73 words for a 34daded933 while, finally opened 34280d5256 his mouth, Beomchan 455f24da7c quickly interrupted—like his 652db80a4f feet were on 302d818aba fire.3fd28b665e020856

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“Beomchan, actually—”3f0fc9e848056b5f

“I’ll sort it c8c720149a out as soon 1ea90ddc53 as possible. I’ll make 614e050182 sure nothing 6cd5299537 like last 44a37351d7 time happens 103917e077 again. I’ll—”0719b306f5353c33

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“Beomchan.”46f5c992089112fd

“…”4f47069746bc7d89

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Seungjae, who 1de9b4aeb1 had been f85fdcf0b5 silently watching 2f3542e995 Beomchan cut 9b508fb22f him off, 8c8fab7f4e called his ddffadaae3 name again—his b0a9fe8214 voice firm, fc6c296d19 different from a8951dc3be before.03063b88edeaf861

“I was too 603e20cafa harsh that day. I shouldn’t have 63f9067f2d spoken like that 0e92dca8ca to someone who 50f32f1bee was just worried 600091d240 about me. I’m sorry.”2d0e47b06e881237

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