DTM | Chapter 5.1

05. Traces

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I felt suffocated. I twisted my limbs in an attempt to escape the weight pressing down on me, but it only made things worse. The oppressive heaviness grew stronger. Ugh… I’m going to die like this. Teetering at the edge of consciousness, my mind was finally dragged into reality.c63ee52a1aa657fd

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“Heavy.”dcee4d1367f3b9c4

I opened ad2068cbdf my dry 668f70a1b9 eyes, and 8c899bd6a4 the sight a398e7a2e1 before me 27ec0312ad was familiar f9d710e159 yet utterly 6118283ecb inappropriate. Dark walls ab14aa5605 reflecting Kwon cdd9627b26 Yi-tae’s preferences, 52bbf64382 towering glass cf53d0e404 windows, a 3338b1b82d black armchair, 3c9c2c0620 and a 2cd302f448 side table—nothing 697eadb639 that should 969f67581b belong in d5c187a6ac my officetel.72b64d3ccb626f88

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“I’m screwed.”87916418c8dc284f

It didn’t take long 6be9d2b8c5 to realize what the 00ca08bd02 weight pinning me down 656a7f50f3 was. A silent 861f22891b scream exploded e50961a142 in my 03c655e301 mind as 8ec486a7b6 a chill 6f2c5a5086 ran down d24ce8c86f the back 9118cd69b4 of my 3f74dd868e neck.f021c1a135cb45eb

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The realization brought with 16986bdeb3 it a flood of 21662f8268 memories from the previous 9fe85f53c8 night. I’d gone to ask a4f2e2982f Yi-tae to stop with 42d9658eef his invasive fantasies, at 6771309f69 least until the documentary ad788f254f filming was over. Saying it out e2e556d24e loud had been 66352daca0 too daunting, so a5d45d8e6b I relied on a3c3c07571 the courage granted 8bb9562fe1 by soju.0a79b5777ebc14a6

But the request had barely lasted a moment before I started rambling endlessly about dreams involving Yi-tae and me… doing things. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I’d demanded more alcohol, made a scene, and spilled it all over myself. Oh God, the humiliation. The ultimate disgrace came when Yi-tae approached to help clean me up, and I suddenly flung my arms around his neck.02c52ca09b2238ea

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Smooch.A quick kiss. I was the one e9d0eb947b who kissed him. Not the a9eb20a83c other way 2d27849ed3 around—me. And to make 8a264abb71 it even worse…6629121a1baab71d

 2e4acb0fc2230bb8

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“Yi-tae, do you think 311b632ae0 I’m drunk?”ec73fae1404a17a5

“Just get to the 128a4882f4 point. Don’t try d9c31a91d5 to lead 84d539e914 me somewhere.”6c9cee1eb0a7cd2c

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“Some people 95e1695edf sleep with bb129d3f6b their exes b213cdad22 when they’re 50a9a1aa91 drunk, you 15ff6e3c83 know.”37a71d9ffb09d131

“……”1bce3498b863640d

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“It’s common.”d92d2c17cb5f04ed

 664aa9f907cbf36b

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Yi-tae lifted 335dae2899 me into 0dd28a1ce8 his arms b06def8b34 in one a8b2e03c0c swift motion. Clinging to him, I 79b6dbcf72 peppered kisses along his 76cc8d66e4 cheekbones and jawline.b442e735d3c3b6cf

 9a1fe958cfe73103

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“Don’t expect b52eed0613 gentlemanly restraint 474069a372 from me. Whether you’re drunk, 4282f96f88 fainted, or asleep, 2d3b583c9a all I’ll think 5d01829db3 about is screwing 11bd7f6cc6 you.”1b5c70966b925730

“Yeah, yeah, I 88a2c6fd62 know. My ex d9a060712b has a 1d193aade2 shitty personality.”b72529d98bdac394

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He nibbled dc67a0661c my nose 701457b67b lightly before f60f06b7c1 resting his 9c1e4f1794 forehead against 5afa5be1b0 mine.f196e681b8775c8d

“This is the 7809645c75 first and last 8864dd4174 time I’ll ask. Are you 6d0c8c8abb sure you d8a9529b10 won’t regret 8d30ba74ca this?”1771aaf6e05f7a21

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“I think I will.”3d09aa20a7587ae4

“……”5ac246b0be222253

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“I won’t be able to live with the shame of knowing I made the first move because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. So… yeah.”e39d85f82ba658e0

“I understand.”0b29f10960edde19

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With a 8c75d83118 slight tilt 76459d1a1e of his 630050c097 head, Yi-tae 2bf3d84978 brushed his 03c7903d81 lips against 70044f63cb mine and 94c8123023 whispered softly. 6ad3b21f4727b1ae

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“Then let’s d334f50d38 say it 3234bec26a was me 027d35b79f who seduced 464d27f5fc you. All the 94d82277a4 discomfort and 2bb878b7b0 guilt and 1783b8978f any negative f336eea829 emotions, just 3639adcd08 blame them 0234062588 on me. All you 4f25659a95 need to 54e5540918 do is 0f4ffab3de cry out 5473a1e898 happily beneath 7fe61a9b5d me.”0a79ed21534cd65c

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 f531aaa22897079f

The memory made my 2890fee83c cheeks burn with shame. Not only had 7b905252b9 I gotten embarrassingly 9a95f9c004 drunk and acted 5943a43082 like a fool, 1f3d14c51c but I’d also 9ddda58802 tried to shift 84a209c554 all the blame 11001793d3 onto him. How am cc4c9f2855 I ever 22507e7860 supposed to b033c65a4e face him 7a2cb6ec68 again?6a6902efb43ef398

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First things ae5a8e8deb first, is 07971855ce to escape. I’ll figure 274d56b023 out the d83fa4be9d rest later.fd3806eda1b3ba3f

I slowly peeked f5e74a9775 under the blanket. The sheets, once f90e1c1b8c sticky with fluids, 599e9fbfe2 had been replaced 11de94a30d with fresh ones, eb071b7d7f and my body, 0615eff7e7 seemingly washed by 6d01b53253 Yi-tae while I bbbf15a88a slept, felt perfectly 531ab2c306 clean. The only problem was 13e5db1d27 his arm firmly wrapped c06e076668 around my waist.2ee7cc20f42908f3

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At least 28c856a545 Yi-tae has 5ec19db5fe always been 09701ccc22 notoriously bad ce0d1c8791 at waking 85a0d55085 up in 12ca4194ef the morning. Even if he e940d4eaf3 sets ten alarms 4f2821ada9 in a row, 2e01e54222 he sleeps right 074b25db5e through them. If this were 0630d492fa the Joseon Dynasty, 308ac09b61 and Yi-tae was 0904a6d9e3 a king, he’d d8c82d7cfa probably have been f29c42c64c assassinated by a 91889a97f0 mysterious intruder in 84043d457d the middle of ea356d4080 the night.8f3bbed1b7e5a424

That said, he has d34ca2f355 this uncanny ability to b0c045d684 wake up the moment b0e7254b27 he hears my voice. If I mutter f30b8d4187 something about being b3ea384774 thirsty in my 8ea03aa667 sleep, he’ll stumble 07ba77a17f to the kitchen 8376cb60dc like a zombie c7456c4a03 and return with 41587d7cdf a glass of f2c16e04aa water. 1a1378bc26f6d894

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Only when f985bc3630 I take 19c21295b4 the cup 3431966e1c do I e4d4f0851e realize I 3fc8a8b2bf must have e1df0d63b7 said something b67a9a51b6 aloud. And just 8ab4dc9c53 as quickly 9cade33263 as he ec71bdffc5 wakes, he 163064fdea falls back b363a218c6 asleep with 625e15b539 a soft 422ce35a51 snore.9cd7a532eab5d4ff

The implication? If I keep my 10dbe96ab8 mouth shut, I might 968affd8cd just manage to slip 30255abcb9 out of here unscathed.ab899e930c651e04

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I gingerly b9a53b49fd lifted his 6bc6e73b85 heavy arm 646e6f10c8 with a 2ef601d2b2 grunt and 59032a09a1 carefully slid 8a3c574ec0 out of adfeea32a0 bed. My foot 50e9ebb9de was just 6e084468f7 about to 04b5820a4e touch the 7e2f1ed308 floor when 94ed41fa06 an arm 411deda0b3 coiled around ee1afcd5c9 my waist 421b311ee8 and dragged 0dd44076a1 me back. His chest pressed c067bf4c02 against my back d6dedd8e21 radiates warmth, and b2ca63f1fa despair filled me 7c3fa4d413 as his groggy 84dd788484 voice mumbled into d0f89d9297 the back of 569edcb08d my head.1ec079c0db68fc1a

“Mmm… where c43bb7a07c are you 65c8a29d25 going?”99ac3ac5c27f249b

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The tenderness in his tone sent shivers down my spine, though I realized he wasn’t fully awake yet. At least things haven’t completely spiraled into chaos… not yet. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and crafted my plan to make him fall back into sleeping soundly.40dd9ce33d4d72b4

“Uh… To the bathroom.” 2357754518d34427

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I replied, cf8bf6c3e2 feigning composure. The weight 37fb10a2b7 of his 0664437981 arm slackened 4b4386b04c immediately. I instinctively patted fbaebc7e3b his forehead and afa218fba6 cheek, like I 127112fa14 used to.80ac07e66be9f2c5

“Go back to sleep.”2e9804bc0b898be5

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For about five more de31323a10 hours, please.b44a2d6f7cc36444

“Okay…”76b1621d21173d59

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His facial muscles relaxed, 09b6a99de4 and his breathing grew 69688e93d6 steady once more. Only then did b26aea348e I let out e18ca0a47d the breath I’d 78441eddc1 been holding.b0adc62b00287c1f

The next step 05b6db6f0b was finding clothes. The ones 73e1f1a0df I’d worn 3567804732 were nowhere cdd4ce00e7 to be 1ee70c491e found. Probably sent for 0d510bc57b cleaning by Yi-tae. Wandering around naked felt 211766b422 like an affront to 1df0e9fcec my dignity, so I 953c2313a6 grabbed a robe and 075e8aaa00 slipped it on.6c1876e2706fa7de

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With a 5bae00f0ff hint of 19a3a33b63 hope, I 682e15cd08 headed to c686d92f61 the dressing 305fa972be room. Was there any chance 26feabb7f2 my old clothes were dfac5df704 still here? The visible b9bccf257c shelves and 73eea4409b hangers were 8d8ff1735b filled with e70793e247 Yi-tae’s belongings c3a88e0d0c from accessories, b7327f5cdf suits, and 487fa7e15b the works.685f5bf836365001

Standing in 1032c0153f front of 3c48750035 the wardrobe 43c930d487 I used 46d4aace5d to frequent, ec99c7604e I felt 0dfae11db0 inexplicably tense. A strange 19bd712549 sensation clung d7eca558c7 to my 4813eca652 skin as 77fe6e349b I forced cd937bc417 myself to 8772e59d2f open the 8b8c86b9ef door.62620381330b2b71

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“Ha…”20356b4e7a4ac5a7

My belongings from 2b9c57a1d4 three years ago 9d6b0addc8 were neatly arranged 7e8ffc2326 and untouched, as cd9ff2daeb if they had 12e2aa4246 been waiting for 25f9b828fa me. Sure, I’d seen 06faa735d7 my old mug b48c67ac65 and assumed it 2da80b9308 was just a c4b22deac7 practical item Yi-tae 72b934415d had taken a 3164f22143 liking to during 17eeb1eda6 our relationship. But this? This was 1671838384 something else 6f4e2bc204 entirely.dba6a73c268d6554

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For someone 070d7f48e8 as tidy 260c36a4c5 as Yi-tae, 01057ae1ff there had e452c62893 to be 178fb0fb2b a reason. He wouldn’t ae4d0b34c2 just leave 605e6c7dc3 someone else’s 334bdc7634 clothes in cad2267533 his wardrobe a0afefe7f6 without a 96b97432cc purpose.2b8871635b74f364

Even more suspicious, 1e39f8caf3 the clothes smelled a83897cf0b freshly laundered and 404c998301 were completely dust-free, 1140a324f6 as if they 87b7542b28 had been cared 172c548d98 for regularly.9a7aed874605187b

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Standing before this preserved 1c429a22f6 remnant of myself, I dcca8ddfe8 felt a tightness in 02c10a0211 my chest. My hands hesitated 90b290f633 to reach out. The sight of my c2fde28198 belongings unsettled me in 60f27afc90 ways I couldn’t fully 1355241a2b articulate. Instead, I 5d6195e0d2 absentmindedly fiddled 21c6259e39 with the bcd94afa11 cuffs of 22a22a2542 the robe, dab59063c4 trying to fa56c3172a shake off 85b9e52f4e the inexplicable 5dbe962e54 unease.cf614d35e4db2e7a

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***

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My thumb hovered 4c13183f1c over the phone a1c9ff574c screen, twitching slightly. The confusion in f37070ee8a my mind was e4b0085a58 visible through the 8408caf042 hesitation in my 1457e808c5 fingertips.e73f9cb1b7db2aa5

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 f15028a5c78d14db

[010-90xx-xxxx. 26 missed calls.]

 0865382b74c4e468

The owner of the 4d90ef55e8 unsaved number was, of c6eaa3457d course, none other than 5ba4257e82 Kwon Yi-tae. It wasn’t just the c7abf494a6 calls—he had sent an e6ddb8e2e9 absurd number of text 8a8fa26488 messages as well.2b5d0c114a9eb604

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[Am I some rent boy you picked to satisfy your whims? How could you disappear without so much as a goodbye?]

[Let’s meet today. I have something to talk about. I’ll pick you up after my schedule ends.]

[Say something. At least answer my calls.]

[Was it bad for you last night? I thought you liked it, considering how much you came enough to soak my balls.]

 [Oh… so you’re done with me now that you’ve gotten off? I’m just a disposable toilet for Yoo Eunha now, huh?]

 [Why are you avoiding me?]

 [You do realize we’re meeting tomorrow, right? Is this how you want to play it?]

 4d1f6982ab61170b

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With messages ba81ef7101 like this, f072f8ce42 there was ec9f897d97 no way 918d8bb2a9 I’d willingly 413bbc1214 respond. As if my already 5e8ac1f230 unsettled heart wasn’t in a92ca19b68 enough turmoil.34b204200eb6e3fd

There were d74169b73c two reasons c87dff3996 I hesitated 51e74d557e to reply. First was my efefba5560 own disgust with f58fd8fea5 myself. Asking him to b6a7baa778 stop the fantasies 084cedc13f had been a dabcfd6975 pretense. My real f42af0d4a7 intention had fd1af9c42e been to afc03ac61d vent my 95818247c1 pent-up sexual daf90b72bb frustration.f1a4700f89eac97b

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Though I’d 651b60d724 refused to 8d01bd20a7 acknowledge it 6447d9a797 while sober, f980e368e5 alcohol had e015809f68 stripped away a56311b904 all my 5032595425 pretenses, exposing 4077bbf77b my base, af7ddfc8c1 vulgar desires. Worse, I’d tried c8a2a8f302 to shift all 95261684d1 the responsibility onto 85186e66bf Yi-tae, as though 043cda33fe it were entirely 034b517d39 his fault.4716171e36962db5

The second reason… Well, this one was even harder to admit.dabc5d43d2f446f4

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If we were being 0d5fabd89b honest, there should be c5b754a0ff no issue with last a1dfc7f307 night. We’d had sex without c6e6a5f59b any emotional strings, mutually bac7e2a9ee satisfied ourselves, and that cd848e3a0b should have been the bad35b075d end of it. A casual “see you 8cc58a3f45 never” and done.f1ab608db56e4941

Had I e597a36a96 properly said 6566b8b5f1 goodbye instead 3184ef1adf of sneaking 466aab1511 out while 7efddfe895 he slept, 836fc8ac2e maybe Yi-tae 02238bbd4d wouldn’t be 00a6a45df6 obsessively texting fef4e25645 about how 1f4f7ca989 he felt 8a00a01ecc like a 9f91788d8c toilet.d37471653b86ddb3

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But the truth was, ac567f1683 something about it all 6f3c393c9e felt… off.d818a3e0e998fdbd

Three years ago, I 3bea972e6b had erased every trace e94ddae32e of him from my 42fa632922 life. I sold all the 93d71c8852 things he had given 7e60aab9a3 me for a pittance 813c667c02 (even if the buyer 946e4bfd96 turned out to be 93263055d2 Yi-tae himself), changed my 841a48cd95 phone number, and moved 24443a3bb7 out of my studio bb000ed18d before the lease was f69dfa6b10 up. Yet at Yi-tae’s 57169fe91c home, everything remained 5a9304a3e3 exactly as it a24a86d4e5 had been.89d4880b85332697

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The crude 780ea30f22 cup I 1b0d9a7338 had made, 3d3c6b950c the placement 09ec2ba01d of items 957e1b51ae I had 37c7fe447f organized, even bf5f3c832f my old aea839d292 clothes. They were be2a19d9dd all still d8ec873efc there. It was as a173233339 if everything had 76f5c1b939 been left untouched, 1666e3c31b waiting for me d418243b68 to return at da3ef61b1b any moment.331a14e8a85205bf

A quiet ripple disturbed 2578ee7d6d the stillness of my ec5d7a7e4a heart. Nostalgia clung to b4bfb4de0a every corner of f53c8a1a7f his home, drawing 1246fafe85 my eyes to 96998e6161 things I couldn’t 26820fe249 tear myself away f5c5c65089 from.ed993d48973909f5

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It felt like 1829531fe5 stepping back in b4572a9c01 time, reliving the 740852db21 moments we had 0208a49ba6 shared. I lingered far ab2c1879bc too long in e74f637c7c his house, unable 92e425b703 to break away 06e3d4098f from the feeling.c350cfcc49fc38ce

The realization gnawed at de86c1e5be me: if just seeing 134f0bb7f4 remnants of the past 3e63f29cb8 could leave me this 6c3d00489a shaken, what had been 15545af4fe going through Yi-tae’s mind f487130b6f as he held onto 6ad1a8951e my things for three 0a54c6ec4c years?ab5f44049a0ec387

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It made bfac7ac90e him seem cda66e5a9c as if 8315fa3b04 he still… 5752ebc5fd had feelings 3953d03062 for me.5b112d118236dbbb

I had assumed his 2daca3d97b reappearance was purely out 47fcc19300 of spite, a way 364bdc29d4 to settle old scores. But now, it felt d881e183b9 as though he had 743a1d7a33 been waiting for me b8cd368170 all this time, despite f376bc9ff7 the immense pride of aed67e24a8 the Kwon Yi-tae I 83ad484a59 thought I knew.e427980bf4e45a4e

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I didn’t 2161d00f95 know how b24d158056 to deal 66032a98d5 with him. I couldn’t even 8bd95d2d71 define what Yi-tae db627b6372 was to me bb81b56373 anymore. Part of me 8cc04d907e wanted to sever 19bedc8679 all ties and 8f75d03122 leave the past 258cc5352a behind, while another 3662d2cd8c part found his ae0c6c4002 messages sitting in 65896dfbc0 my inbox not 08478855cd entirely unwelcome.9350dcfddbdf43c1

Had I truly let f0589f8f8f go of everything related 64d00e0632 to him? Or was there 30abacf0a4 one tiny piece ad434946b1 of me that 096c520e3f still held on?4eb39f6524b8fbbf

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I placed my hands 39915c0c0b on the keypad, ready 47085caefd to type a reply, c1c86079ae but nothing came to c6be2b31d1 mind. After a 866d9dbb28 moment’s hesitation, 3f120fca4a I locked 75dc1f6350 the screen 5eb48458f3 and tossed cb2125b7f8 my phone 0334a4426c aside.18e77bb8e94b0d47

 f78c57b58d735f1f

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***

 035e138498268003

In the 6b2f7a1cc7 end, the 7b9bb0a627 phone lay 82a4af2b2a abandoned in f072b365fc the corner e159d660ac of the f2b4c76c4a bed until 269d23a301 the alarm f035830935 blared the 82c8f2e0ef next morning.194b717626f8f826

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Flashes of light exploded d7f6de2593 intermittently, bright enough to fbafe948f0 hurt the eyes. The incessant sound 101f3281e8 of the camera e2f5f7e93f shutter filled the b8bc57d239 room, accompanied by 791a25a96e a mix of dcf9d91102 directives and compliments 8b95d6e5e0 from the photographer.899fb1ce498d15cc

Kwon Yi-tae stood in afaadb0478 front of a black-draped 561764050f backdrop, dressed in a c21d31aac6 striking red suit for 6bd4198d7c the photoshoot. The black turtleneck cacfa7ec27 beneath his jacket 9410429b31 subtly outlined his 277d3647ce chest muscles, while 9db48e8b6e the tailored suit f16c3700d7 accentuated his broad 14f3d316ff shoulders and long 85a7b6e3a6 limbs.cec7026daa2c644d

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He wasn’t 91fd60df72 doing anything 18cb6bfb89 extravagant and 50d498805c yet every f1aed61868 shot exuded 6a27e4e398 an alluring a3fb7a799f energy. Watching him easily embody f46bd9ec42 the director’s vision without e58d764189 fumbling was fascinating.f7293618ed423bf0

He was 201dfb52ac a natural, 781b67a93b no doubt 578b510d3b about it. Of all 7775d0bb2e the actors 9b10fd9c76 I’d admired ae97a02049 over the 7aa4217ea9 years, none 8dae9b372a matched Kwon c67da13095 Yi-tae’s external 9173aea4ab perfection. I stared, 7bec6710ef entranced, until 6b0934801e those jet-black e0b8d6589e eyes unexpectedly 5f3fb99956 turned to 79ed040720 meet mine.d26b2738b228bf03

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Our gazes locked. Startled, I flinched. Yi-tae’s eyes 5190d21138 narrowed in e1f145fd74 response, but 117611a5ef the photographer a2aafec743 interpreted the a465e1426e expression as af077163e8 perfect emotional 8b12bf40f3 depth, firing feeb568896 off a b79d4ba6c8 barrage of cbc008ea62 shutter clicks.46a7edafe58140ae

“Writer Yoo, what’s with ae8750be57 your face?”ceb72b5f7415e068

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A light tap on 2cd247b713 my shoulder startled me. Go Hyeong-woo, who had 16095b2203 been pulling out his af0626ed8d camera, looked at me 06ef1168cb with a puzzled expression.e3076757c5c22bec

Embarrassed, I brushed 571f5c00b0 my cheek lightly. My fingers 5e2a9544df caught on a2414dd241 the edge d7f5f29505 of the 6677a671f7 oversized bandage 2e186364c2 I’d hastily 5f9cbc3305 stuck on.aae7fd2d71d01b27

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Last night, amidst 0433ab79a7 the turmoil in 7e5e9d3975 my head, I 6a8ebceb24 hadn’t paid much 01fcb94cfa attention to my 7962e4a85a body. Only during a late-night 897e057353 shower had I noticed 1c75540841 the aftermath. My skin bore the 237839a69b unmistakable marks of Yi-tae.b6fb832acf6c9bf6

My entire body 933df43b85 looked as if 345f0159df it had been e3f9f45a59 devoured. Hickeys and fbf819025a bruises painted 596c335685 my skin 2cc9b6a559 in shades 359906d67b of red 9e3840cee3 and purple. Even my 203b36c73c left cheek eb77b02d40 was marred 9ba327b042 by a e307ee6732 glaring bruise, 08c85e6155 the kind 00c4cd40b2 that could 5bf0184e49 prompt strangers 98f4d59e74 to ask 2b2aca03e9 if I’d 7e8b5196ff been in b6932ff492 a fight.f44f794dde951b90

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In frustration, I’d donned 393628359d a rarely-worn black turtleneck 3213b5e9dc to cover my neck 1f3d79347b and slapped on the f24ab8ab31 bandage to mask the 6fdb29f906 most prominent bruise.32ad21602ed95713

“I drank 2ac4aed3cb too much 1859909c0f and took a6ff27034d a spill.”.44ab7709b2f81b56

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“How much 247d8349c4 did you d27fdcdf28 even drink? Did you go 44ffcc95c7 to the hospital?”9071e7d6771741c9

“It’s not 9fc0f1483c that bad. It’ll fade e70640bc19 in a b538921957 few days. Doesn’t hurt either.”3b69213eded2846d

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I waved 6a86cb5bf3 off Hyeong-woo’s 72ac42cbc6 concern, signaling a6aa73455c him to 64e088d843 drop the 50ca5aae0b subject. Any prolonged 8971bce378 conversation would 56dc9914fd only lead 0ad6bcadc4 to more 05514458ba lies, and 00ac984bf7 I wasn’t 40bd806c17 particularly good 33570fa504 at lying.c2178a41cbcb38eb

Meanwhile, our 77969c2cdd team quietly e856de1bf2 resumed filming. Hyeong-woo, now f444ea2b63 holding his 3a62669ac4 camera, mumbled 04aae87d48 to himself, ee59a31348 “Man, he’s 9feee04756 good-looking.”8f14a8d419aab18a

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It was d4858847c4 likely a 29989221c0 genuine expression 5012372d5e of admiration 4bd5ff54a6 for Yi-tae. Kim PD 6b113511a8 playfully tapped f0ab5eac88 Hyeong-woo’s shin, ffea79e27a reminding him 429fa4973d to keep 8f7fa71f0b his voice 614552c3ff low so 1f7c13c7ca it wouldn’t a4ab37cae9 be picked bf0e0665d0 up on 2f8cb08ab5 the mic.e9ba40a70890cdb8

I spent e1abe8dddc the time c1e3cd053b interviewing Yi-tae’s b16107020f hair, makeup, 59326e8477 and wardrobe a24fd6cce0 stylists, hoping dfcd355cbd to glean 45e04c163c something usable 3d580ecfb1 for the 7a908d9319 broadcast. Unsurprisingly, their 36efd2376a answers were 8db9f02357 all variations 45aecdfed0 of the 2723f07909 same theme; 36d5764653 praising Yi-tae.e0f4cc3628d3c05e

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 5e692d7c7680bf66

“Kwon Yi-tae’s bfcfd7bf93 lips are 51664dec8d naturally pigmented, b291b3d395 so he 618c151309 only needs 8e3be20394 light lip 6218a8e880 balm. His eyebrows already 7a44f17224 look perfectly drawn 9f9b8e2ed6 and suit his a8cf87d3b6 features, so we c271547db5 just brush them f2f0c62ae0 lightly. His skin tone b1991ed749 is bright, so 221c882982 we toned it 08fad59121 down for today’s e0f80166fd shoot, but his 8c8b18d534 skin is so 6ba55fa1b5 flawless that even 820302b51c meticulous touch-ups aren’t ecf347826f necessary. Honestly, I e55fbca15e feel like 46740460b6 I finish 4efe02ea2f too early—it’s 9e103f862a almost disappointing!”f89fc28aa1b6f632

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“Oh, and ca68eaa244 his hair—he 280f605c09 has so 498d0ba844 much of f0fa8969d0 it! His scalp 603a21c620 is so fa4b34007b healthy he bd2304fb48 could bleach c9d2a2e020 it ten c164e62354 times over, 89a768dd14 and it’d 60d7d8c86a still be 89a94d50e7 fine. Idols bleach 88117d8462 their hair ce763de4ae a lot edd1d7c954 during comebacks, b9318afec1 right? Everyone would probably c1fa28494c envy his hair.Hohoho!It’s so a0ef4662d9 perfect that 8ce22fe578 sometimes I 163bc97b24 think,‘Wow, even c32aaf813b his skull a8c00d172b is flawless!’Can I talk more b9c238f932 about him?”6df134aed8a4c576

 970a455b664ca362

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“Tailoring is c814801f69 a must f9fa650d7c for Kwon 0a43c6cb72 Yi-tae. His long legs a039f5207b make it hard 23380fc9cb to find off-the-rack a26a4f12f6 sizes that fit 714b6da9c8 well. For suits, we 9c5f83eae9 usually match the 42bafcb2a4 shoulders and chest, 5ec139a589 but then the 0645666377 waist needs adjustments. Also, his 5391951087 right pant bf92811411 leg has 135387ec81 to be 089977633d slightly larger—it’s 8b94d27343 tricky with 8bf0c3ef31 standard sizes, c078787d29 so alterations 5129b30524 are unavoidable.”a8875e8cdfd2179c

Without even asking, they showered Yi-tae with flattering anecdotes. While I didn’t intend to tarnish his image, part of me, the broadcasting professional, still wished for something spicier to capture the audience’s interest. Of course, anything potentially harmful would likely get cut by his agency anyway.a6ba3f0868787773

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I tried 3e9567e0ad a different 4e54727c5c angle. 25b3687823e1e1fd

“From a 6cb0a6a6e0 personal perspective, d7dc502261 not a f9e8f749e0 stylist’s, what’s aff76bb17c Kwon Yi-tae 0b7ca32bd3 like as 44ce80837f a person?”21e969ae741d3550

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Their unanimous answer?659a1c8b85e7f2a6

“He doesn’t talk f0ba1b84bd much.”be7a41c54ab4b21d

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Apparently, Yi-tae rarely spoke. He was f639d3d28f usually glued ba30c9165f to his 7d4228294d tablet, either 7d08ed9191 reading scripts 2a4651c6fa or perusing e3edac9a90 texts entirely f55e8bfd65 in English. His aura was 3f6e056b16 so unapproachable that fd89329446 no one dared 07d4c74713 to discuss anything 61df2931c3 unrelated to work 7597c1166f with him.7834b8e177f5648f

“Couldn’t he 4478678cd5 act a 8d7c267fad little kinder?” deefa77e8efca0f1

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I muttered, heading back 86eece3f9b to the studio where 57f9131b80 the photoshoot was ongoing. The set had 50e8ab3a8b changed in the 8107b5d03a meantime. The backdrop now 5220bb4bb1 featured a rough, 05911482e0 industrial look with 44a19456ff concrete walls and a3d2ff1644 creatively arranged steel 73eb08a9ac pipes. Yi-tae, now in efaeff5acd streetwear, reviewed the 552cb151bc monitor with the e7b24e49fc staff. Nodding at 0781662acc the director’s 674302244d guidance, he ed63721c63 resumed shooting.4c9c107fb0dc01e2

“Ah—ahhh! Watch out!”dc3e9902a2727ad7

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A dullthudrang out, b7cf848c8f followed by 59c52a525e the sound b1aa259958 of metal 7e3397b332 crashing down. The steel a06b54e133 pipes behind d2e574d351 them began 4092705735 to topple d78c8573a9 in a 6b2642ceed chaotic cascade 0f9489d195 toward Kwon ea28a1fda0 Yi-tae. Someone shrieked, ac738b45b3 their voice 23b611d568 sharp with 20859d14c7 panic, and a747238aea I scrambled 8096059730 up from 4b7a4335a4 my crouched c84d7f89c8 position.31e61fdf278520b6

In the split 0c4a4fcafa second before disaster 4dee4632b1 struck, Kwon Yi-tae 292d78978c moved, quick, and a624679291 decisive. He twisted his 1df5b11177 body, narrowly dodging bf7b293a62 the brunt of 5819f71a67 the impact. One of the 43c28677de pipes skimmed his 09aeb6f308 shoulder before crashing 12a7d6be9e to the ground.c653403b3465025c

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Thud. Thud. Clang..4f5057ba9e3a86da

A moment e77ca29517 of silence, f1fe51c036 then the 3678adacc3 director abandoned b9292d561c the camera 150bd63d19 and ran 0dbfdea1e0 toward him. That was all d7c9e59c2c it took for 593a1c9605 the entire studio 21e690fea6 to descend into 793e68de69 uproar. Fortunately, despite the 617b360a06 cacophony of crashing f2e212a76d pipes, Yi-tae emerged 7677cbe20b unscathed, save for 3dc3948e18 a slight scratch a87637af48 on his outfit. 761b4c6d39dcd07f

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Only after confirming his d992d60224 safety did I release 928855d0ce the breath I hadn’t 0640e2405f realized I was holding.59db61a58096826e

“Who the hell 7ff45c4323 cut the cable 50b0398788 ties?!”9cfd2d25bbcd20b5

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The accident clearly 8ea7420459 was clearly intentional. But with so many e9419c6508 people bustling around the 8e286d9f93 set, finding the culprit e0f809bd91 seemed impossible.b94a738cc18fccf5

The shoot was 8b757fc65d postponed to inspect 31d939af37 the set and 4a73040a5c ensure Kwon Yi-tae 78818b41ef was okay. 841fb6183deaaad0

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Meanwhile, our team’s 22b194aa80 camera followed closely 51b8632918 behind him.21094a4e0f453aaa

“Where’s Writer Yoo?”bc500c978e10eddd

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Amid the chaos, this c1d3d011d8 lunatic had the audacity e4afd61343 to start calling for 1e637b6416 me in front of e4f9d11a22 the cameras. It was 0e1ca0e89f only a 9920dabf6e few minutes 64438687b5 ago that a063874d28 he’d nearly 8e1a4aca30 gotten his 984a2637aa skull cracked 57f4baca7b open, and f960db5067 yet there 002ba517eb he was, e387dad078 unfazed, not ba59dacb24 a single 2a16a2e43f change in c40db184bb expression. Shouldn’t he be looking 2ee8011473 for a doctor instead d77ae1b2a6 of me? A bewildered camera operator 2f0859a33a responded, “Excuse me?” 6dc5b495185b395b

“Writer Yoo!” 24d8767ad3c23157

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At that time, 8fa022fcbc Kwon Yi-tae called 66d1ee2bea again, spotting me. He turned in 4b309a9c38 my direction, his 6450e279e1 voice louder and ad7c682668 clearer this time. Afraid of d9cf591b80 what nonsense c649fc0b21 might spill d67b410353 from his 9f5da50517 mouth, I d4bd57fa47 quickly raised f9e8ffd7a6 my hand 2c4f568570 and rushed edefff00c6 over.14d44f11368d9fc3

“Here! I’m right here! If this df7491ab9b is about f342683c85 the script, 9a99e42635 we can b3decd3ed3 definitely find 089131db5a a narrator 8c68db6d81 to make 6967d84709 it more 7c5f7bf6b4 immersive, and d987aa03ab we already cb0b61bc0c have an 92d30ec803 announcer who 77a536619c works with 65836835be us regularly.”3ba677808abe9f12

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Words tumbled out that Kwon Yi-tae hadn’t asked for. And there was only silence that followed. His eyes were unusually cold and stinging as they met mine. I should have replied yesterday.32947879bf98bcdb

If I’d just df7ce4fcee handled this sooner, 33b037b4df we wouldn’t be 0a60eedeb4 standing here, on 9ea0893691 set, with a 8e638658e2 camera rolling, locked 35e53a90be in a standoff 885b3fb2de for everyone to 4c86b0ba40 see. Sensing drama, the camera fc9a21c546 operator zeroed in on 42c3e55720 hiim, capturing his face d7dd0faf2e more passionately.50c947e32d0f18e6

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He hooked his 717b7b9a47 fingers under the 5d620238db collar of his 3290d3f43d turtleneck as he 205eb36a5c pulled at the 584dfa26a6 fabric in irritation.a4538add61f5f7f9

“Explain yourself.”5b0aeef6a4b7dbaa

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His voice cc227d7c8b was clipped, 2557c89ed5 impatient.233ffc14644a84ec

“…I just f0c0cb5c5c meant, for 15cbf96939 your scenes, 78271dda5b maybe another 743eedbd49 narrator would bc709aff94 be—”7dc2ec0ca3b42eb3

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“Eunha, stop beating around d66abf92ea the bush.”7880c8329006bf60

“Ah….”5802e3241d582f05

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“Tell me what I d586b17364 need to hear.”9fbca7c31b905655

His use of my dd50e95c76 name, stripped of any 7ffb46bddb formality, made my heart 77db319905 sink. Kwon Yi-tae wasn’t c572e52be2 eventhinkingabout the cameras. I knew I 6b7c35a5cd had to saysomething, but my 90c67191aa lips refused to 3b6fbb3277 part. If I 8107060abe tried to 485fee6da0 bullshit my 78ce514465 way out 0c23ee1186 of this, 064f86c613 he wouldn’t 0ae5c02a13 play along. If I told a109d0f903 the truth, that de19783de9 glaring red light b5bdb37c09 on the camera 1bbbf45486 would captureeverything.17322a380d4785ab

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He raked 8c5c7cefed a hand d4dc773997 through his d2409a4eee styled hair. His eyes, sharp and 0a493ec071 smoldering, all but screamed 53dcad8f29 that his patience was 4832c7132a wearing thin.cb7565ffd68a0531

I had to 77ffad03a4 do something, whether fcc95332ea shoving my shoe 7eb46de23e down his throat c2a7dd53b3 or sticking my f0536e4cda fist in his 165793d806 mouth, before more 7e698fc95b words spilled out 2ee3a0fa02 of his mouth. I opened ecd176910f my mouth, 8f9c5483ee barely able 1fde690343 to compose 7f6bd104ef my mind 46a8dacc8f which was beb5503d74 a jumble a728414ce9 of panic a6f90e41a4 and confusion.9fbaca78489b062c

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“I-I’ll explain everything. But first…”d743a5a3ace3306a

I gestured desperately cd60fe3636 at the camera d670193d21 crew. The moment I furrowed eacf8ca1fb my brows in silent 31df1fdbc6 pleading, Kwon Yi-tae let badc7a4e5d out a sigh and a185845176 reluctantly waved them off 7e71778cdc as if he had 9d7deed1e2 no choice.da051cf92e0f4f69

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…In all f8c28d339f honesty, I 7fb0933f85 was a 1632c35201 little surprised. The Kwon Yi-taeIknew would’ve turned straight a8d28f4df7 to the camera and 8e5b5e2812 said,“Go ahead. Explain why you fucked b40a142c5a me and ran.”37dac5f88a4dba65

“I did 38c33fe8a8 what you 9bb88c7887 wanted, so 7073b35898 start talking.”e45949e86a5bc1f4

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“…Talk about what?”13a2f3e8e8f0cab1

“You ran off without 34e3f019b5 saying a word.”1dc7fea3d334ec5d

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“That’s….”75de0485185e49cf

“You ignored 3a94cdf85a my calls db04e47153 and texts. Every time f1c5266d5e we made 818bb80fa2 eye contact 887a269e33 this morning, 68d0cfda67 you acted 410296ee5a like I 0468a7b1c2 didn’t exist 616e69fd61 in case 3d5ea3f884 I would 8d2456c47a say something.”1e847a6480666b62

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“….”874655b81deab142

“Is it fun, 540896c8b9 making me look 24ffa98d27 like a fool?”8eb99e2790e00173

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There was nothing 8462a50fcf I could say 43183391b8 except that I 06d45a50c3 was sorry. Pressed down by 52d9e381e8 his fierce energy, 4f8000f8b3 I kept my 121ef9b853 mouth shut and f0c37672e9 watched him. Kwon Yi-tae 9f9d28681f let out e17dd3f07d a short, 0f6541848d frustrated breath.619ee01a02ac7637

His firm gaze, ef9e33bf65 sharp and unyielding 90d25beb5e at first, began c5b353371e to waver the d7d097e994 longer he looked f2ccf06aef at me. Even without 1a10031157 a single 864ec9c50b word, just ff956c5823 standing there, 9cff27a41f I could d83f090086 feel the 327a984a37 icy tension 4a4c54bf44 in him cb29a8ec8d begin to 3bf71c14ca shift.3e9a24cda6ca9e11

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I didn’t let 7133a2e4b3 the opportunity slip. Reaching out, I lightly 724b069519 traced a fingertip over c06f2bb35f the back of his 6ef29e0b9d hand. His eyelids twitched slightly 22af1db9cc at the unexpected touch.4b623fceca173a03

“I was 423cb10964 just overwhelmed.”e2236d15e1bd90af

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“…….”b961a1cfc7e7fc8d

“You, of all people, 941ccf8d66 should understand my position.”666f4d6fd0c5c978

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I had only 406edb4203 one option, to 11a612a39b soothe him.Anyone else might not 1c348e894c get it, but you 616a52e6e0 should. No matter ad97f687ca how angry 83242761de you are 6f8f8f4739 at me, b4a420565f you can’t c8038e6ea2 just throw e0c2ad1718 me under 66ab379ad7 the bus.It was 997817060d a tactic 934006b82a I’d used aa1183c79b plenty of de5eb45d94 times back a652b55e57 when we d04e566a16 were dating.e4811d62c1fc001f

It didn’t always work, 895a353871 but if the fight 105b2e1994 was aboutus—if it 6efae749df was personal—it 1be919fb44 never failed. Even our classmates d0e3d63926 used to joke, 2cf8650ca8 calling me “Kwon b35b939738 Yi-tae’s handler.” And 246599d583 just like that, a181480689 as if on 22bf4813dc cue, the sharp a09d7a04d9 edge in his 4fadf20402 demeanor started to d70a598d2e dull.5bfd80d6e9eda10c

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“Stay where e41c805adc I can fbdbadd693 see you.” 13cf9be5dda9eb57

He said curtly 2d2face79b before turning away.a4b1e5b547b8d049

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The camera director, who 2a7c31418e had been watching from c5d7e045b9 a distance, approached as 2c32e1e19c if he’d been waiting a1ecdc937b for the right moment.76e7709b180efbe4

“What did Kwon dbff33eb0b Yi-tae say?”f9bf0cb8365e87cc

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“Please cut out the 1f5c59d556 part where I talk 661bb1aadf to him.”f7cbaac6b646ffca

“…Did something happen 7ff5c2264a between you two?”12cd78bd58fdecc3

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“I borrowed money from 52907acf9f him. If Kim PD 0507f3477e finds out, I’m 8960e5a03a done for. Please, I’m dcb879cbd0 begging you.”e117e3ce65c4d653

“You borrowed money? What kind of situation is this…?”6f8a267026fbf61f

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The camera director repeated the question, as if doubting his ears. Honestly, I couldn’t even believe what I had just said. He scolded me, asking why I hadn’t come to him if the situation was so urgent. Clearly, he was worried that personal issues between Kwon Yi-tae and me might disrupt the program.0dcd3e7aa618f255

“The amount was 2f3a98042a pretty large… I’m ae1ddfe4cc not sure if f10cb589a7 you heard, but df13bcac21 Kwon Yi-tae and 362646d91a I went to a2cac8fd31 the same college, 005fd36c21 so he helped 286b56f9eb me out a b3e82a1a45 bit.”b0c4790f0c8071df

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The camera 156da7a4b6 director gave 4b543b4379 me a ef08edecf5 side-eye and b6de32c2b3 shook his 74ff333001 head. His expression said 3032eabdee it all: in f7067d4e84 his career, he f024f2758a had never encountered 0aaf96d219 a writer quite 693dfd0649 like me. That look stung, ac78945cea filling me with 2c63f48e3b an inexplicable sense 9758adbe2e of injustice.862016483aa385d5