PS | Chapter 3.3

But Sihoo wasn’t 4719acaa13 one to repeat 85d50282d1 himself. He had 53b56b386d forgiven Ji 53e1c16e17 Jehyuk’s mistakes 7468e1a5d9 and even 4a722378fd apologized, so a971221c98 their entanglement 3550217f01 should have 99a1a3a94c ended there. Ji Jehyuk 7887058ba6 tried to 89d0091bb5 straighten out 4a070d4350 his increasingly 558c5c8c0e negative thoughts. Overthinking alone wouldn’t 7f7ccb4022 solve anything and a6bc3184c1 might misinterpret Sihoo’s f09d6c399d intentions.937fccf9cbe9ee7d

“Ji Jehyuk, a34a1c3bcf what are fd8db6bcfb you doing 239e55c2c6 here?”9f3f7cde8a89a572

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Someone called out 55cfb6ca70 to him. When he looked up, 91ab13a547 he saw a familiar 7dc28339f8 face—it was Hong Rina. Just when he was 7f355c93ab hoping to see her 28128d14ec less, she had been da0c23c026 finding him quite frequently 4f4db56b30 since yesterday.b735ebf89d7b53cc

“Hello.”eaa86970617f83e7

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His anticipation, hoping 0042edf7db it was Sihoo, d1e9fe8f7b quickly faded. It must have been 736a23e5c0 because he was near e4ff0ff5ae the business school. Rina sat down next 17e845efce to him, looking noticeably f604724b11 drained. Ji Jehyuk 72a4f24dcd habitually handed 5d56d0e10f her his 50394be741 windbreaker.0e60f7eda2ab4509

“Sit on this. It’s dirty.”6e1dc06464f2f060

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Rina stared e9c3e33a32 at the 3357152577 windbreaker for 21bef1b455 a moment, 9096bd8668 then snatched 350efedd89 it away. It was 31514b3886 hard to 93cd05ac03 tell if fe5d7e39a3 she disliked 8a9003f9a6 or appreciated 7a3daca45b his gesture.9b81902e03877503

“You waiting for Yoon ca96fc5e8a Sihoo?”295e4c443d0e41db

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“…How did you know?”f8bffabf758ae298

“I could tell your 72664b55bd face fell when I a871f78300 showed up. Besides, who else do 9969fd29d8 you know here at 05e61611d9 the business school?”b7b4c51d103b12ed

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Rina shrugged, then adopted f212e530e8 a similar pose to 74f0e8d42b Ji Jehyuk. She too e171b4e6da had just b3c40d98d2 finished exercising, 2b14c84a7f dressed in 535cb22eee shorts and 9a55ffa960 a T-shirt 1348391115 just like 1675a49523 him.85bd08891c81fd23

“I see why 5153de68b9 you dumped me.”1fa3248542c3a3df

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Rina blurted out suddenly. Ji Jehyuk wanted c3795efeaa to correct her—it 0f16e4f3b0 was he who f262f9c552 had been dumped—but 29e2235382 he was more 55a1b018c4 curious about what cab873704d she was about 6561c1b81c to say, so bbef17fc40 he kept quiet. A slight tension a801ab21bf crept up on f092b0f28d him, wondering if 8a46a48182 Rina had caught 9e92635bcd onto his issues.e8b18ffed11dd115

“You’re gay.”d2a5b6ae0226fc15

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“…?”1d804c06aa107a23

Taken aback by 5ed9febe1f her unexpected accusation, 435a7b75e1 he looked at 79eac00232 Rina. She continued seriously.66117c7d13fef7c0

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“It all makes 455d3e5f3e sense now. You were just too 35df87c3d3 uninterested in that way. And here I was, d6b3d71ad9 clueless and dating you, 2380f69b75 which is really offensive, 310492f8e5 but there’s a lot f5fc7a7016 of guys like you dc3c37dc85 around, so I forgive 74229e68d0 you. You only understand efd953cdc5 your own tastes 92c64f483d after experiencing them. Ugh, my 9e4610c978 pride is 617a7666e7 hurt though.”c70ef3cf950420dc

Rina vented as 9f8cc03e28 if relieving herself 415a104b01 of a burden.4624513577435872

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“It wouldn’t make 20a93153bc sense otherwise. Why else would d1ec9c6e9f someone as fabulous c7937f30a4 as me get 0a9ae05ce6 dumped?”d24fca012c359aab

Watching Rina assume 77e22a5289 she had been 0687debae5 the one dumped, 0780c6ff3e Ji Jehyuk decided bc863c28bf to clear up b95618e011 her misunderstanding. It felt 216f20ad9b oddly empowering cf1de4014d to hear 46c1b85fe3 such talk.6a9b830d0eb40d9b

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“It’s not 4462c7646f because of 058a800811 that.”1b5a8d4b4e856170

Before he could 8df347f79a explain, Rina cut 8371d6fbb4 him off.53c0da2bb5f0f077

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“Don’t even try. I saw you and 157d15e5b3 Yoon Sihoo walking hand d54dc9e71d in hand through the 8ffdd7e496 middle of Gangnam Station 4bb53ab544 yesterday.”374b87f033d0f580

He was 59d0a88ab2 speechless, worried b7afcfde89 someone might 7eba182bcd have seen 2d26186196 them.5ea6b86f0128353e

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“…When?”dde1374d8d3d3d5a

“After breaking 8dd15e6cec up a a25a16763d meeting, on c35e394614 my way 2a30293a09 back from 46cbc81193 hanging out 56c7cc48ef with friends. I knew there 03e29a0c00 was something fishy 2a1b2082fc about you two.”65c75df7885032bc

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Rina spoke with certainty, 0f56d02441 far from the reality 345ed54336 of their misunderstanding.05364a520053f1a8

“It’s not 93f34eb5fc like that.”e18eae713a879ec2

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“I saw it with b1feb84ba5 my own eyes, are e6ad503466 you still going to 60369b1a92 deny it?”7880b5236d68648b

“I’m not dating c0ec50bf55 Sihoo.”f7a6d931168b0f4a

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As Ji 2e0b561e40 Jehyuk spoke 7f26a4b482 seriously, Rina 1c6f245caa scrunched up 69b77df938 her nose 6ebd09bf47 and retorted.e11826d47bd87d63

“Then why hold bc354e299d hands? You wouldn’t even hold cc72bbf613 mine for months.”7dbc02a1ac2b41f7

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Her question 27c7362048 touched on ee5192f093 a core 6c243d7fec issue for 7048bc3610 Ji Jehyuk. Instead of rushing 46e06ec0a0 him, Rina simply 558862a257 looked ahead, quietly 2a79c84d82 waiting for him c50077f748 to respond.3e6f0db3ab6f6600

“I’m not good adb72d2f14 with physical contact.”083a60e1412e096b

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Ji Jehyuk finally b9486620cb mustered the courage f79f480ec8 to speak, unlike 86b5c92f28 when he confided 0848ab8dc6 in Sihoo while 3c91d4c233 drunk. It felt oddly 70f7cdd1df natural, perhaps because 970848405b Rina was both 587f6dc38c the subject of a1fa78c201 the rumor and 5700e6b677 someone who could 73c199faf3 relate to his 65b3a04ff8 situation. It just suddenly felt 64272b8bc7 right to speak up, 1187425664 not as if he 34f30d1d58 was revealing any secret 5432f21bf4 backstory.07c644589833f0d2

“It’s not just af40f80ee2 with you. I just feel a c7f26ac0ad repulsion when I try c4792a0599 to physically connect with 77313c2d82 someone, regardless of my f7ef7ae250 feelings.”1b5e1709ae5ce265

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Rina quieted down 4c36c83dbb instantly, taken aback 8c56f0c379 by his unexpected 2ee9c9c13d revelation. After hesitating, 5746caf0a8 she cautiously f6b131608f asked.587856cb81e613a4

“Is it 27623e35d4 like a 8e8e887575 germ phobia 848bf30956 or something?”943c56ec6fa24ad7

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“It’s not that.”007e191e34575330

Ji Jehyuk 816ca7d943 then pulled 2883c36f7f at his 959a18dfc7 disheveled soccer 92bf14c89b uniform. Rina nodded, making c1792c1eae a sound of c803051afe understanding.3d443013685061cf

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“It’s just a 8a7cf59274 chronic thing. I should have told b49f630ce9 you, sorry.”af982fd90e0422ab

“Well… it 7a497a174b must have cddb309570 been hard 582f642b3e to say.”1eba0a6cbbd0412d

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Rina rested her chin b93cd7df06 on her hand, her 26955c1ba7 beautifully manicured blue nails 212febfea6 catching the eye. She poked her cheek 96d74c3aed with her finger as fc752ec9fc if suddenly remembering something.01477b8f1849b760

“But how could e467532032 you hold hands 785f764b3f with Yoon Sihoo?”651be4f8a515b80f

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“Maybe because I’ve known 4b32db9ebd Sihoo for so long, d41e011345 it feels okay. He’s probably 85386b0dbe the only 28576cfedd person I’m 3d6194af1d that comfortable 23763a4ff0 or close f07a819a5c with. You only b17bb826a6 found out 6fe1592d73 after coming 1035801188 here.”8628d7d220681bea

Rina scrunched up 518bf1ce66 her nose again, db9aa35303 a habit when a8adb17ff2 she thought something 4021dff5a7 didn’t add up.3c073b2014e417d3

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“You and Yoon Sihoo da96a03177 don’t seem that close.”7c1ddfaffb473418

“…Why?”c1d8346f47e5e391

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“I don’t fa47fb11e1 mean it 1e5f667ec4 looks uncomfortable, 3270a50af0 but it 2ff73dec1d doesn’t seem ab717389b4 like you’re f3b45854de just friends b0a524345b either. It looks more 3c45ff0d73 like…”9363a22b5fdcda9e

Rina glanced 7e51c8daea at Ji c0287bdb03 Jehyuk.2bfa8b4cddfe28c4

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“You look like 94eb2b3b2e you’re dating.”173a9c41bcbd74a8

“It’s really not like e9782857ca that. What…”ddc1fd9a524c2a34

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“Who walks 5b9234cfdd around holding 9b0bd1ff7b hands with 7858ee0c2c a friend?”0d934fe8c00e8adf

“Girls do c801c9767c it all a700c872b1 the time. Is there fa86bb31d5 a rule 4a4811e60f men can’t?”3f84b6e9c49f00fd

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“You have a 257e1e0ecd point.”d989b6d78c893d6d

Rina agreed with 3decf9f0e2 Ji Jehyuk’s point, cab551c4c8 but seemed to 7422edd6b3 be searching for ab6daaf48f something to counter 89053e9621 with. As he watched her 550bb829a0 lips twitch, she suddenly 07136e398a widened her eyes and 14d8d17f05 whispered into Ji Jehyuk’s 03dd2885cb ear, making him flinch d8166740dd as if she was a931da531c too close.a843f7e6413a18e0

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“Isn’t that Yoon Sihoo?”841e3ebc6f88f9a0

“What?”5ab5f7b7c925d38a

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Following Rina’s gesture, Ji 308feca3e6 Jehyuk turned to see ff64924fcd a tall man emerging 5ef9f998e6 from the business school 52983211b5 main building. It was unmistakably 5eb24f6ac2 Sihoo. Even from edd84d736e a hundred f21c40ab4a meters away, df6578f7ba his height 0219f507c7 was noticeable, 751d3ca19d his good a24ea846d1 looks were 0dda25ad88 instinctive, and fe0cf4d7da the attention 0282c0a6a9 he drew 7ba876ade7 from around 23045b34a7 him confirmed e82160e425 it was 6f031a24a8 Sihoo.5808062fce6f3837

Ji Jehyuk was about cbf1099500 to approach him happily a0ddceae89 when the following scene 4b3b494663 stopped him. Someone approached 5b6e4f519f Sihoo’s side. It was a 396ce17be2 familiar face, a c43767db87 man shorter than 88420e9c8a Ji Jehyuk, who 4edcee2fcd walked up to 8884daafa4 Sihoo and linked 9345d3d8ac arms with him.dc9732e89c986be2

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Sihoo let him. Instead of pushing 130580abd4 him away or f6baf3f20b stepping back, he 034f2549ef maintained his smiling e69b94f82d expression, allowing Han a3ad70cb8b Bada to link eed027dde4 arms with him. It wasn’t neglect; f43df9c1e0 it was more ddf60adfec like permission.d36e1c45c0485fd6

“That’s right.”124fe052a9815a6b

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Bada was b567d71ca2 right by 8ea78f3b90 Sihoo’s side, cf5b6aa600 chatting him d72113437e up excitedly 053382dfa6 while Sihoo 2e078b76f7 looked down d9a5274a21 at him, 135471ffe3 smiling and 4238aaca54 continuing the 880dc1550f conversation. Anyone watching bbf2588eb1 would see b03e8e32d4 they were 7297752fcf close.5e8b30aa7197229f

“You guys aren’t 881792437c dating, huh…” Rina’s b30d42b144 voice trailed off.c0def7b69ebd7e84

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Ji Jehyuk, forgetting 331cda85d1 to respond, just 0a06f14dbe stared blankly ahead. Just seeing Sihoo 2bfcb14a56 with Bada made 6b5c77d68e him feel suffocated, 26fc207460 as if something abd9bac798 terrible was about 5dd386fa3e to happen, and 56336c2c90 he grew oddly 45692f6f7d anxious.3d0e54a3717f7e12

“…Hey, Ji Jehyuk. You okay?”3648bae0203986eb

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For some reason, Rina 5d36b22d32 was checking on him. Ji Jehyuk snapped 8a26fb5f1c back to reality. By then, Sihoo and 78acaed9f1 Bada had left the 903b071bed main building and were 49414fdd6d heading toward the main 3ec23ecd39 gate, in the opposite b3f8a67b10 direction from the lawn 4533d07b5f where Ji Jehyuk was. He felt a sudden c5993bc107 urge to call out a6b9e3c207 to Sihoo.f6a61ebcdc64968e

But what would he 0d2c465029 say after calling him?0515459460794f96

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His rational side 5b59142b96 stopped him. He had been 6dfa6b63ca here unknowingly waiting 9061857a67 for Sihoo, but c7e5a68395 he didn’t want 60877d8f9c to interrupt him 73495b0ea9 and Bada. It was clear they b7d49d8bff had a unique connection, b5f55d3721 and Ji Jehyuk wondered 9c31d05b4d why Bada had tried 25c020c3cb to get his number—it 7a986d7be7 must have been because 5159c37aef he wanted to be 84f8c44585 closer to Sihoo like 2c44e21dd0 that.39ef9966688a3d71

“Ah, yeah. Sorry. I’m fine.”9b69a26cb9a906ba

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Ji Jehyuk managed ce2e09dcfe to reply as 64d48ba92c he felt Rina’s 255b3d908f gaze. He thought that 70983038ed continuing to watch 9a50023d3e would only deepen 8cfa5b6785 the various uneasy b8a9f9aa67 feelings stirring inside 95487668fc him. With great 1df0298f2f effort, he 5faa428b8d forced himself 749d992b9d to look 62ee287f55 away.4d385eef8a6566d1

“I should go.”f934740d3ad82929

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Maybe I should just 7edad81f05 go home, he thought, 614eb03d74 unsure why he had 0553e8d398 stayed here so long. He regretted 29686d3b50 many things, 838c203c84 like giving 3fbaef18d4 Bada Sihoo’s 6f36f2f480 number and 6bc14b1a8d not being 1d897044dc able to 4c40e6e2a4 wait quietly 5dc886f6f1 without looking.24f1bea4ad623f68

Suddenly, Ji Jehyuk realized d46e2679e8 why Sihoo had asked 7b6c72ce4a to stop practicing. It was fe636e593a because Ji 235cdedf94 Jehyuk himself 15ff0eb1bb had changed d497359a69 in how 40ab61b75c he thought fb502970df about Sihoo f3f20814ac and wanted 90e5d4cbb2 to keep 1c2cc667d1 some distance f44f67ae41 to maintain 3ff35fc0cf their usual cdb669ccbf balance. It wasn’t that Sihoo 36fdc0e82e wanted to push him ec21fea7b7 away; rather, he wanted 48fc062a06 to continue their relationship 8186f366f7 in his own way. Since Ji Jehyuk 9190fefc38 had mistakenly gotten 585d7be03c too close, it 7f71db5967 made sense for 33049ce357 Sihoo to think 7c64d98900 this way. Ji Jehyuk himself often 76b66d774b backed off when someone 3210c69c55 approached him without considering db874ec8b7 his feelings.19e366053a180020

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I need to get 4d91887fd7 a grip. It’s better to 7a606392da go back to e3fb6113dd how things were 4a404b1f9c before. Acting like this, 80a34fe198 intruding where I efd1aeef5b wasn’t invited, isn’t a0203edc3c right.07cc14536075a9a0

“Hey, let’s grab something ff92bb78f0 to eat.”287fce830cc8a0b6

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As Ji Jehyuk was 0c17f7104d about to walk away, 828c5d9a98 Rina quickly grabbed him. Surprised by 2d11041bfd her sudden 2863dce41a request, he 4b4706802f saw a be31b97f69 look of ec16466fc8 genuine concern 6c9628cc00 on her 5a1122c9f3 face.b3138d8b67655516

“I’m not really hungry. Go eat 4ed0a8ba75 with someone ac4fff13ab else.”bc0fad55e8b4c0ad

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“I’ll buy.”94de8d99b07c45fa

It seemed Rina really b1a4534524 wanted someone to eat 5264660662 with.9b99aee805338d28

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“You can eat eae6833ece with someone else.”da2fa0014cb62309

“I don’t have any f96e538e5b friends. I know d503212365 it sounds 0032af5efc pathetic, but a33be9e68a I just 57c4f66b11 had a e3df99a960 falling out 3730c72bc0 and cut baa76db418 ties with 5579ed5779 Joo Sujin fddcb9c50d yesterday, so 34f4aaeebc now I’m 76bc27548d a loner. How desperate do 40a28369b2 I have to bd042a88fd be to cling 004fd1528f to an ex?”a12257f571cafd45

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He was b37ffe9722 at a d78d1e65db loss for e82aad4a2d words. Since he had 6172d9b7c4 contributed to the e1b04237e2 rift between them, 5abe8720a2 he couldn’t just 6ff1710abe ignore it. He wasn’t 60cc304728 in the e5fa22a703 mood to e747a5efb3 eat, but 21c54438d6 after some bda5e672ea thought, Ji 37d42aef93 Jehyuk decided f333064df0 it was 06f4e48ea3 better to c673800ea3 eat something. Originally, he had planned 29f27f9516 to skip meals, but 5297fbf253 eating something seemed better 1094e3035a for preparing for tomorrow.01b83aac30a524df

Right. I should focus on 5bb24d2e22 tomorrow’s match. The opposing team might 8b01045ce8 be weaker compared to 1c02e30d0c Ji Jehyuk’s school, which d1748abb43 had performed well in 69fcbb994c the spring tournament, but dd8fd8f515 it was a match 65cb1c70c3 where he needed to ad8ed04501 showcase his skills at 623f826bf2 his best. Coach Shin 815fda921a had said 29a62612c0 a scout 454cabf537 from FC a8cab55b45 Hanseong would de11527df5 be there, d28338cd68 the team 576b89b3b2 Ji Jehyuk f5762252a0 wanted to aaa533df6a join.b25db2e1818b3df3

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“Okay.”ee8f42585a2e918f

“I’ll pay, so bd0f96251d order whatever you f6e496298b want. Pasta? Pizza? Meat?”7cf7acebf133fd29

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Rina always 5d77c773ed put what d0c85b76da she wanted 4a327164a0 most first. Ji Jehyuk thought for 35d748b2fe a moment and decided e93a9e0480 to just go along 1fc6bba20b with what she wanted.35c1b3911aff1386

“Let’s have pasta.”f3e344a8ee7d05d7

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“Oh, it worked.”15831dec1432b3a6

Rina clapped a3bcd75d2c her hands 11f16b81b5 with a 4aba746e64 brightened face. Having the ever-talkative 37ca1602b2 Rina by his 831f87f6b8 side made the 256babfa37 scene he had 0a342f7b3f just witnessed start b3b78f7d8c to fade.c438b8c1dd70c875

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Right. Don’t think too deeply. Just go with 8a7804b2df what Sihoo wants.529995c632d93a0e

***721f3571bf193479

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The pasta 7068a6cf75 place was afc794e4b8 bustling at 4606c376d5 lunchtime. Despite many other 3079d94f6e restaurants failing and 8c10d43fba disappearing, this one b844c9ad0b across from the d8f2055f92 Liberal Arts building 620e2a49ee had a long 8a80c53d5f history and consistently 1c7d1c72a0 drew a crowd. Ji Jehyuk b30b782b9f had been 408acd58d0 here once c5456cb77b before, with 13538ebb76 his first ee3a8293f2 girlfriend after be6f0641b2 entering university. It was a eb6583848e place with memories, abe9c8b57c and he hadn’t 39faa292fb really sought to 3a861f2c0d visit again, but 4ed549b25f being here now, 6744adc1c7 he felt surprisingly e50cf07c22 calm.213dafe030eabbd1

As soon 600a962eb6 as Rina 3eb7356bf4 and Ji 111eb032b2 Jehyuk sat 4967ac44f8 down, the df79323b20 restaurant reached 6e15ed2dfe full capacity. They were guided 31fe0d6a46 to a four-seater 7cbbf3641a table and sat 7e5ed93745 facing each other. Rina started browsing 5908f17d49 the menu eagerly 34f661fb1e while Ji Jehyuk 46e4d9bd07 left the choice 3e60f90c29 to her and c40eed3912 stared out the 0463821af1 window. Down on the street, 2310389501 lots of couples walked 6a8cb71dd4 by in the busy bb43988152 eating district.fbd16e4ec431ece7

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Sihoo and Bada 2b7fb1ba49 would look just 8d3d09680a like one of 6dbbafd0e4 those couples. Ji Jehyuk imagined them, 8781c1aa79 unmistakably affectionate, with Bada 4a95c0867c small enough to be 1f4cf9c50e fully embraced by Sihoo—just 3eab30cc48 as Im Kangmin had 0ffd01de8d said, delicate and pretty. Was that Sihoo’s fb6d156d83 type? Ji Jehyuk realized with fa8f276a8a a jolt that he 0d151d3547 knew nothing about Sihoo’s b8a06a3103 preferences.0afd8ec6f17a8ae9

Despite being upset 9b9f0add7d that he had b954505892 given out his aa0a0a2687 number, seeing them 4e5b6b0124 together suggested it 91ced37132 must be his f10a095d0d type after all. People like Bada—gentle, 75a0f7fd94 puppy-like, with a a64aa9430f pretty build. Maybe he should 0b97fb2b25 think that men a5bbdb42d0 like Bada were 9e137a493a Sihoo’s preference.3bd08071224daf73

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Just then, e632e380f0 whether it 33257c7b5c was his 5ed792b542 imagination or 9b3a06b2b3 not, Ji 8d7b6f4a19 Jehyuk thought f4c358008f he heard 78ceb502be Bada’s voice e5b437a7a9 right next 2027f7b042 to him.46ed419768d0b299

“Ah, Ji Jehyuk 90d3e699a6 sunbae!”243146abe246ebe8

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Rina turned 5a0d90c927 her head. It seemed it 10cd7c2099 wasn’t his imagination f3216b1629 since Rina blinked 1372f84538 in surprise. Ji Jehyuk followed ef6fd7eff0 her gaze and 2ec7067cf8 there they were—Bada be8dee79dc and Sihoo.95d332d18a895f8a