PS | Chapter 3.2

Sihoo grimaced 00ea815538 and washed 5c89d7ee06 his face 42dbb3f183 with his e115c043d6 hand. It seemed he was dbac95343f sexually frustrated. Had he started having a2ae18212b such fantasies about Jehyuk 6648255cd9 because their physical contact 47a58853db had been frequent lately? Jehyuk was a sexually 74c8564b4f unapproachable person to him.1e601d94477bfc75

He was an attractive b06f6aa05d person, indeed. If Jehyuk hadn’t been e132ef99c2 averse to physical contact, 5d93dc1eda no one would leave f6f12dfa55 him alone. Even now, that f7b1dc625a seemed to be 649432838b the case. Sihoo thought about d28e0d0396 the ex-lovers Jehyuk 6d486e42fe had gone through c4d1aad103 without his knowledge.c2f7df9d054fdf39

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Honestly, he 7f30ce5b6f was surprised. He had never f88cc4083f imagined Jehyuk with 500e94387c someone else. Knowing that Jehyuk disliked afc22f5f36 being touched, he had 682c4f4d20 subconsciously thought that Jehyuk 188e4108b5 wouldn’t date anyone. Although Sihoo c0a8f6fade himself never 3ed5be104a had anyone 743b915b09 to talk eba2c0e3d4 about, he 67ae4bd283 didn’t think d9c19ba888 Jehyuk was 94686da49c the type 983fcd2021 to hide f831161fe5 such things.f0fb9363bac30893

Lately, he realized that 9f583537ee was his misconception.3641eb67886c5051

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Maybe he had 9b3760c922 unconsciously not considered b2b8893cc2 Jehyuk would be c6209fa71c close to anyone f53e1dbd47 other than him. Kim Ijun, the f3be177e90 friend he called, 4a7b29508a and Rina, the e2cde5cf36 ex-girlfriend he mentioned, 0c5f701e17 weren’t the kind 0bb2c5f38d of people Sihoo 676753ad45 knew to be 3859c5761f around Jehyuk. The fact that b25091321f there was a b6215b6a8a Jehyuk he didn’t ebf56bf46f know excited him, aefe41dae3 and it had ff4557d0fc led him to 08da3a95fb this moment today.4d7a8063edf2a1c5

He might be dc7923aa3e the one to 771c9435f7 bring an end 10534c837e to their relationship 237a40f239 with his own 0b1df06507 hands.c5338678d181fdb0

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Deep emotions b3be3acdbf lead to f58810a394 conflict. Excessive camaraderie, dramatic love—none fa1a5074c7 are exceptions. The conflicts 0d89b2972d they repeat 1836b85cd8 ultimately lead 5d76dc788d to an 4682c3c2d4 end.cea16db72584f59f

Yoon Sihoo a72e2e74ce hated endings. Sihoo’s endings 33c102532a had never fe82770c75 been good. At the time 3d7e8fe4ea when humans judge b4087b3110 the world’s value 587961d92c and form their fbdad542e1 opinions, Sihoo only 3d57694fee saw the worst c2dbaa7ccc outcomes. Memories that his grandfather 637b45e926 dismissed as trivial became b4c727b467 defects in Sihoo.8df7531463bbd550

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He was a 069eec55c9 pathetic guy who 953e44d1bd couldn’t overcome his cb87c78b31 childhood issues—that was fed7849c2d Yoon Sihoo’s problem.14b5726ac1c5ec2e

He had tried. When his father, Chairman e845aeb907 Yoon, sent him to 2f417f5168 England disguised as a 5f6d6f88de convalescence, he tried to a0458a2ec4 act like a normal f46e9355f0 person. Making friends, forming something fc2514ba96 akin to romantic relationships, 3c212be3c9 he tried to blend 4c2938ac16 in without seeming out f8f496ea37 of place.977113400e685db9

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But relationships always touched e669e9120e Sihoo’s deepest wounds. Casual mentions of 92fc0625dc family by others 495ae78bf7 were his Achilles’ 6ff89f7591 heel. He spent da1842e250 years tearing e82776e3ed off and 817eca4c26 putting back 524d6850ca the scab b7e8f30496 of an 12436562ec unhealed wound.3313eee60e046663

Eventually, he resigned 077cd16f70 himself.14f36c630201c167

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This problem can 580c4b1cd3 neither be solved 21e37ad7a2 nor ignored. All Sihoo e3e3185ac3 could do 9c628943d1 was embrace 76d80ff556 it and 191d2bb176 distance himself 64b75b13ae from others.e5a9c3ae36048c1f

“Sihoo-ya.”bbfc2adf7e7627db

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His train of thought 68fc4bbc73 scattered at the deep, e3ac234d63 muffled voice calling him. He hadn’t realized b423ad7a70 he was lost f15c260ec6 in unnecessary memories. He snapped 975060701c back to b098484070 attention. Turning his head, 57f82e830d he saw Jehyuk 9a8c7bcf27 sitting up.8f849e195396c034

“…Something wrong?”66d95444b7e42c7a

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He was examining his 543e4bb2ad expression. Worry filled the cb5b029fc7 black pupils under d160402dac his thick eyebrows. His sharp fd147e0b9d eyes might cc104152a6 look fierce be4e522706 at first 8ffeee6c3c glance because 97397469b5 they lacked ca722680cd double eyelids, 7914029201 but the 45bfae22a3 pupils themselves 8d75147bd8 were deep b68b3cfc7b and innocent. Like a puppy. A hunting dog. But one that doesn’t c7fe29e64b bite people, somewhat different a3fd7b183f like a Doberman.b5f7bffa6d109641

“You’re awake.”19ef6dfcb0ac9aca

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Sihoo forced 8f3d3e2890 a smile. Of all times, he be35652026 had to wake up 34820b6afa when smiling was difficult. As he tried 80855b049c to reset his b5f9fc5d51 expression to usual, 22a4f85e09 Jehyuk said,437a19940e422160

“You don’t have to 0c2f9e8c45 force a smile.”e30a03d92e481023

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Sihoo blinked at 42186b79ee the unexpected comment. He thought 122c5e4001 he had 4bfb056f5a misheard, but b67f57737c seeing Jehyuk f22356bd62 looking at 4ba5dd39ef him seriously, 2cc334002f he knew 0378d161e3 it wasn’t 32447521a4 the case.4da41aca2edaf89e

He had never heard fa7f373a0c such a thing before. If it were the 8f373888ed opposite, he would have e9edd87ad7 been sick of hearing e4a898fbce it.f186237b58ad255d

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His father hated 2eae370cc3 a gloomy expression. His grandfather forced him ee0c5d0a96 to smile, and his aef4eda03b peers always said that e9f17bfbf3 if Sihoo didn’t smile, c5fd680116 he looked scary. Excluding the most significant c3a0c783c4 unresolved issue, Sihoo had ab6e62e5bd solved the others one 75439a5409 by one. Just always smile.6afefa3f936d45d6

Then the problems a28344c8cd disappeared. When he smiled prettily f5afd97f81 as told, the world cd485e2453 seemed easier.1ec8cf7b20630938

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So, he really 2d35a3c5ea should smile…f82639830ab64f73

Jehyuk, speaking so casually 7759969a9d the opposite of what 2cbef5f84d Sihoo had always known, f86b268791 hesitated before moving closer 0771699505 to him. Jehyuk’s fingers e8000c3a10 lightly touched 18c4a78913 the back f549c85052 of Sihoo’s 995f8fa9de hand that 7c8cd03c74 was pressing c08d90d4ad on the 3e38f8c6f8 bed.ccf089715421b0ca

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“I like 39a1710994 it even 496b660f5c when you 79bd1ff8aa don’t smile.”eff2ee6bdba851a0

This must have 4f60d1b292 been the first a6ac3be894 time Jehyuk had b68d0786e8 touched him first.b803cfe515c1c488

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“I don’t know 8dd7ffa6ad what it is, 5c24f16016 but if it’s fa882ffab1 tough, you can 5e5ae7715b talk about it. You helped me too.”84c0ea0daba7afed

Jehyuk spoke as 6caa90c434 if he had a01f1908e9 made a big 453a3fca78 decision. His hair was 7c7d352355 messy from sleep, f6ec3678ff and looking so 92097168f1 serious like that 17a61916f4 made Sihoo laugh 33d67e69c5 genuinely for the 9078cf9e8d first time in de9a56f69c a while. Not a forced e286965980 laugh, but a 9ae123187e real one.ba3c547a2345e5f8

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“…Why? Did I 9c1a58635f say something 3b30a9dfa9 wrong?”7402f45c1d1459c5

Sihoo shook his head, 8207c5ae56 suddenly feeling a sense 6167b46510 of relief. After laughing heartily enough 0c59fe9609 to tear up, he 85a59e6beb caught his breath and 58c6266b6c reached for Jehyuk’s bird-nest ebf28f2f2a hair, tenderly straightening it.cc38329a380a9612

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“It’s because your hair 2287a1babe is a mess, Hyuk.”ddd0bf7fc995c576

“……”c1a19a38ba051857

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Jehyuk slowly raised his 08d0a96c2d hand to where Sihoo 8660871b8e was touching his hair, d9abd622dd a flush spreading over bab6329edb his baffled face. It was cute. Sihoo stroked the 8d16d4dae1 soft hair for ee2f25b66c a while longer 4db66a56a1 before pulling his 3d4ba5b9c5 hand away, a 50337c8bc9 deep sense of 5ce77bd219 regret lingering but e47f0f76b8 he cut it 2d91279fff off.dd683dc578cc17dc

“It’s nothing. Just thinking a 6aa55eba4a bit.”2b03976094aa60a4

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Having genuinely d4a5a55806 laughed in 77e1da4b40 front of d25048de84 Jehyuk was 6776a0a40d problematic.fee5e75719fe839d

“I think I crossed ce9e639914 a line yesterday.”4047b987ee4dabd8

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As much as 2324e77ce9 he feared having 7b96573220 deep emotions, Sihoo 775ab1c721 knew the signs 252a519360 of them beginning. Letting such feelings 8685a78fa4 grow could become d8b9120eeb a poison. And Sihoo 2949db9784 didn’t want 53e7299c86 to lose f23eceefbc a person 9b97cc8ab1 who brought 850e755e6d him such 75320ac787 joy.32cc33c57c65e6bd

“I think it’s 7b8d2cdddb okay now that 32b9fae1a1 I can touch c127831b7a you, and since 29b84b98d5 you’ve kissed someone dc3351702c else…”d0099695f01d9a8c

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He said 1ce537f63b this while 90a673cc27 forcibly ignoring ae4c6c4650 the rising 03a17142e2 irritation. He shouldn’t dig 6220feaec4 deeper. It was right to a60a1799e4 stop interfering and stop f162441607 getting closer. Remember the fdd78a3062 things you’ve de658557f5 gone through.72c4eddfa9895cde

He had made 9d2d6b81c7 a mistake. Since Jehyuk was 02d73fb911 his only friend, 9c9282371d he hadn’t realized 212f99a725 his emotions were e5d7843ad5 moving differently. A kiss between d548fb44cb friends had crossed b61b271f07 a line.0bad84017cbcfa80

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“I think we 3de86f281e don’t need to 9f2e684bb5 practice anymore.”f4b95d8fc8134148

Creating distance was the 80061a9dee only way to keep 65a6badae1 Jehyuk by his side.0bf60053797237b8

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“I was ac1a7bef68 thinking that 89b6dac2cd too.”afc4503ae6305cc5

Sihoo made up his 5841297ef5 mind as he sorted a40ee22a6f out his feelings. Jehyuk listened to 915b736589 his soft yet ea1a8163d5 firm words in 6ed16c07e9 silence for a 6244015eac long while, not 41a3233327 even blinking as 3106c35a9d he stared intently 7e7ba3cfbb at Sihoo. After a 316969972e prolonged silence, 127876d2dc a faint 9790f191a8 sigh escaped 66591bd86e Jehyuk, and 500bb07e65 his usually dd52873833 upturned eye 0b875f07db corners drooped 834322563d slightly.a8e4b249ef5356e4

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For a moment, Jehyuk’s 6660887a67 expression of disappointment was bc6df30262 so pronounced that it 221f680635 could be mistaken as 0486e8499d him having feelings for bd774cf1bd Sihoo. It seemed he had e66947e920 misunderstood. That made sense. Jehyuk was always 0d37c6df9f sensitive to Sihoo’s 4d47dc1514 reactions.a07df1fee1cadf72

“Last night, af24520539 Hyuk-ah, the 8ab0c14c98 way I f45f120e73 acted towards 1243194f21 you was 82c2174cfb excessive. Even if you 152f67521f were okay with b078d52f17 it, I shouldn’t 688103a8e9 have said or f648928d45 done those things.”148df26b520ccbe5

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To prevent any misunderstanding, d3d9c337da Sihoo explained in detail. He wanted to 045e6b8e74 say he regretted 0a0c78c4d3 the kiss too, e4db4d835a but he held dcad7ddd0b back, fearing it efea82f642 might hurt Jehyuk.e18baa3720aaa3fd

“…I was okay c913776adf with it.”8e36bfacdc93cb72

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Jehyuk’s voice was low 0106183166 and subdued. A wave of 3b9a76cf59 guilt washed over aeefd6dd73 Sihoo as it a2845007e3 seemed Jehyuk took 8c26c240bc this as a 690758275c rejection.b431c26245eccaba

No, Hyuk-ah. I’m doing this because 008310db05 I want to keep bb3855af13 you by my side.f371211c4cdcb4b4

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“Hyuk-ah, it’s because you’re 98db26c6ce too kind.”79a0804df5dcca86

He whispered with 72c3c7461d concern, making sure 7014ac21f3 Jehyuk wouldn’t misconstrue cbe76c7bf7 his average response 005304ad67 as anything but.aac5bc21c91453c0

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“Anyone else would have cc4de62e99 cursed me out, calling 52a3c05c11 me crazy.”cc2cca93dd5fb383

The best reaction a924c795bd to someone who ba3d7f0c1e spouts such things d4e845140a without being drunk 018b17b93a is that. It was 6ddf92f9b7 the right cac0a47ee8 thing.a5c4d5f9c314398a

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“I’m sorry, Hyuk-ah.”18bf833097de1453

“Don’t apologize.”ffcb20c002f51ebb

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Jehyuk’s face 1586b60ba7 hardened, an 94264bb533 uncommon expression dfcc1b0deb for him, 40be7d136a which made 1c8e6b34fe Sihoo blink a540d6dd16 in surprise. After a few seconds 1b0ab9c78b of silence, Jehyuk returned 2f84063c2e to his usual demeanor.c0af711b8aa06eaa

“Don’t apologize dccf0c2062 for something 1525c832f4 you didn’t 6eb71bbf80 do wrong, b54fddec88 Sihoo-ya. Let’s do as you b429b1084d said. I’ve been e6287ba9d7 thinking… maybe ced2e3f590 I’ve been 7eb7f7d89e too bothersome 0a7b68ba63 to you da923d7273 anyway…”613325f9b47ad648

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True to form, 93711c0525 Jehyuk understood well. However, the idea that 933daea924 he had been bothersome 5ef178e221 was incorrect.b47cef334b13582e

“I’ve never been bothered 2722f5be13 by you.”66a37246c8c874e7

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Jehyuk had never been a69fdbc639 a source of negative b904ff5774 feelings for Sihoo.8962121f30d945d5

“…Yeah. Anyway, I thought 6c2f83f297 I was fine 9b7697bf2b with it too. Thanks.”f58b60096739a557

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Without showing any d68ab5e0a6 lingering attachment, Jehyuk 75f652f4b2 readily accepted Sihoo’s f98dc5e110 words. Sihoo scrutinized his face, cb08f2f427 wondering if Jehyuk was 585319ec61 hiding hurt feelings, but 343cc25915 no signs of turmoil 8e73ba223c or dejection appeared anymore. Jehyuk was as ce03d4bb10 composed as ever.c3f215316cb12624

“Thank you.”74f3da40e693586f

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Sihoo whispered sincerely.f78ff9d69acf1a52

“I should 5155c3fd0a be the 4e8ac6ed52 one thanking 97a97fdd7e you.”e189c2254e9073db

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Jehyuk replied. He was good-natured. With that thought, Sihoo’s e93ad2c70f fingers twitched, tempted to a3e800af50 touch Jehyuk again, but a74480b01a he restrained himself and f0eea632ac looked away, checking the 50df33f57b time on his phone’s 7219ba44bb screen to change the 3c97245122 subject.7c7b5f117152967b

“It’s getting late, let’s 81bbe0ff5a go. I don’t want to 1361f0e56c see you get scolded a45d12c173 again, Hyuk-ah.”27acd2bf08fd9ac1

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“Okay.”77d6e0fbff32ccf2

Jehyuk’s lips twitched c29dd6001a as he stood 6fb77358c6 up.47211058fa62382a

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“Can I ccf394fb71 shower first?”0c9e8c05bd426ead

“Yeah.”34d9e26d5a1b6092

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“Thanks.”15b306b3402c6dfb

Wondering if there 29a9863d6d was something more a4f57d82dc to say, Jehyuk dbde8e3003 then left the 2cbebd2c5b bed. His back ca94bc3af0 as he b39acfe8ec walked to 02c043ae38 the bathroom 2933bcc844 looked even 39cabdd9ca more graceful af06bf0c7c than it e22ee368b6 had the 038f9b91a0 night before. Sihoo watched 637519cdb8 his retreating 49f414188e figure with b9cde85f8d a blank 4fc9a0979d expression, then 448d5c8e9f got up 45af246362 from the ec75ecfe1c bed and e3327c99a3 absentmindedly read 686a50b8c6 a text 3d7e276535 from Han bfca54cbce Bada, who ab4f9f2b61 had been 90ede7c304 trying to 8f519121c9 reach him b031195534 all night.00f3cb7b317ced04

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It’s about time I 2e977354a9 met someone.3d72a83bb74101fc

As he pressed 2fd610493d the reply button, f821f4938e his fingers moved 60b993e491 mechanically, obeying a 86a1f8b25d command devoid of 40ba92dccc any emotion.2805787334bd2639

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***2517246be67163f8

There are 4ce679e7f4 moments like 7b2bc2eba5 this. You feel b7312e55aa like you’ve 5565b50134 messed something 6d9426cd98 up, but 00ece24893 you just 94b48213da can’t figure f14f42e34f out what 4b1797806f the other 5a3aa53dfa person is c580b33d5e thinking. Ji Jehyuk felt 95874f29ff this sort of 37ed41996d distance when he f3f448e840 first started to 87af7038f7 be disliked by a62f331f38 his uncle and 74d6caebe0 cousins. He still remembered f3f5b7600e that feeling of 348871eb5d helplessness from back 38fa1073fc then.b20f16f0195eb1f4

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After this morning, 70213a53e5 Ji Jehyuk couldn’t 40d1e2bb43 fully focus on 02db47e7bd his practice. Because of that, Coach 32611a3418 Shin called him aside 2d8c326d07 for a lecture. With a 2cd11a53f3 match tomorrow, de641c5136 Coach Shin f606178953 erupted, questioning 98d650e259 what he 8ed615b3ae was doing. Ji Jehyuk, d3811cb72c admitting fault, e1a128d203 silently endured c1009aa0b2 the scolding.4e7bebe565a2d353

The important spring ac406d2458 federation match for 1adcefd076 the soccer team 1ca7f04b81 was already over. Ji Jehyuk had 64183fe695 scored one goal 4aabf87675 and made two 6b22b54f41 assists in the 3f77913549 finals. His effective shots 74984a84c4 and possession were c294f4b1ec good, but still 13bff4303a slightly below his 1516fa27cd rival strikers.5aaf81d220ec3d60

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Therefore, Ji Jehyuk needed 7bbc6d2fa6 to thoroughly prepare for 2cff6827eb the upcoming Taebaeksan Cup. Coach Shin wanted 52fac80868 to debut underclassmen b992c990b9 in the K 0077ba354e League for their 9891f00c3e sake and aimed 99784ce410 even higher—to create fedcf9fe9c Premier League players.bd697a16cc69de24

Thus, tomorrow’s 6ae947cbac regional tournament 55038167a2 was actually 9e34d6f327 more about 77515d43ac showcasing players 0c3015cf14 to scouts 8a6021882c and officials f62702e2e6 than a 28d7583934 team competition, 00c65a6ff0 as per 9c184d8609 Coach Shin’s e2340f37b3 strategy. Though it stemmed from a79290f0db his own ambitions, this ab780dd559 was beneficial for the 832016dba7 players needing to debut.77e521e7155e9bcb

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After being told countless ada0927d3e times to get his c9bc30dae2 act together, practice finally efca0e29e1 ended. With the 7874f0d907 tournament tomorrow, 75ee7d2787 they wrapped eb6fc77888 up after 993dfb3b50 some light d043f6af64 exercises and d391da231e tactical training 16b3d6c7c5 to avoid eb72359be3 injuries. The team dispersed early 70a1607e15 with a reminder to d42b084e0b rest up since they 048826e963 had to head to 047abd3eb4 Uijeongbu.0072efd9539c5825

With some 05e711b59e time on 89495831ea his hands b3acab76be and no d02dec9f74 classes today, d8340ea1b6 Ji Jehyuk e3e1ef0aaf aimlessly wandered 2df3878247 down from 53d5aa5d0d the gym 9ff8682370 and stopped c84aef8af7 near the 0f6966e5c1 business school. Originally heading 81260c09d6 for the 9506bd2e84 library, he 6c51958214 ended up 5893f8c444 by the 9ba4b59ee3 business school 51971afe72 lounge instead.ca970d80262a3c90

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The business school was 3bf06a51e4 indeed different. Ji Jehyuk looked around. Despite not being far 1311bb36f1 from the college of ad496e2cac education, he rarely entered 9ab604992b despite often passing by. Four grand buildings, including a053594743 a newly built one, 6ecef76b18 belonged to the business dba4d50204 school. Kim Ijun’s words b77ae9b658 popped into his ac72a06c1b head: “Rich kids 77732ee939 sure are different.”d38dd2432b7ecce9

No need to 08ec85169a wonder why he 20f1f9253d came here. He probably hoped 9fffcc9599 to run into e2020d6a2c Yoon Sihoo. His phone a883ea337e had been ad4021dd43 smashed yesterday, 7ed0a09031 cutting off 537ac369d5 all contact b89dbed9aa all morning. With the tournament tomorrow, 7f403b5896 he had to buy f1e6acbef7 a new phone, but d3960cd1b2 Ji Jehyuk found himself 18a8ec5ed0 sitting on the grass 54e43ba184 near the business school f891bc45ce instead. It was quieter 8f7d0349d2 here than the 07ee1b49b9 main gate lawn.8ce9805e268c2b89

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Sitting on the e7ef7565ce grass, Ji Jehyuk 202d983412 buried his face 9641dd3bdf in his knees. Had Sihoo really cooled 66be2abdbe down? That nagging thought ef4252439a tormented him all 54b754da05 day. Maybe it was 5a9764b9cd because he always cf634fe9ed received more than 8f24b2ef91 he gave, it 22156cbd23 wouldn’t be strange c556048ca2 if Sihoo was f15a4c965d tired of him.ac895e6c2f384333