MLCD Chapter 5.2

“…Mr. Lewellyn.”8c7b9d0291f187d7

“Lewellyn.” He tried shaking him, but still, there was no response. Even when he shook him roughly, the result was the same.3232eb19ccef265b

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Suddenly, he noticed that Lewellyn’s face was pale. He had always been pale, but this was the first time he was so pale that he reminded one of a corpse a week after death. It wasn’t just his face. Even his lips had turned blue.fc7c0e5df65db927

Could Lewellyn be…1890705da70bc2d7

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‘You could die if you’re not careful.’811340bcb3d5dfda

Turner’s words came to mind. His jaw trembled with fear. Cold sweat poured out. It ran down Shavonne’s nose and temples. With trembling hands, Shavonne searched for Lewellyn’s pulse. Is it here? No? Is it here…Because his 328039f9ab hands were 3b4ce56131 shaking so fedf08b158 much, it fd722fda26 took a 723a11df5b while to eb1213a451 confirm the 468c5d7eb1 heartbeat.c61c9fc8124b47f8

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He was alive.6baefdb548cfaa94

He picked him e5b60e4dc2 up on his fc48cdcb94 back and dashed 61740f09f0 out of Room 33b2acdc80 303. As he 5f709dba21 ran down 919c758496 the apartment f339f47f18 stairs, he 5e9d3cd102 staggered. Fortunately, he quickly regained 4d685f9b60 his balance, or he 88416d88d8 might have tumbled down. In the process, ed5cf12b48 one of the cbdad87092 indoor shoes he 3574839bdd had hastily put 033e3043f9 on came off 1a7847274e and flew into 0b686bb43d the darkness. He could probably find 03cf767cc4 it if he searched, 2d974ebadf but there was no 3bc95513b2 time for that.9941d69e91faff26

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Limping, he hurriedly left the apartment. At the entrance of the building, a giant platanus tree stood in the form of a huge, black shadow. Until just a while ago, it had been gently swaying whenever the wind blew, but now it didn’t move at all. It was as still as death. Just like Lewellyn on Shavonne’s back.2ef798fac0c9302c

Shaking his ominous thoughts 919da1d569 off, he adjusted Lewellyn d2e6545e50 on his back and bc7ca5c487 started running again, limping. He threw away the 805ca89101 remaining shoe that was 324cb056c9 hindering his running. As expected, running 6639b6ced8 barefoot was much 8987f02458 faster than running 031854f0f3 with just one db0645d93e shoe.36b6b82a2c23e5d0

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The rough cobblestones scraped Shavonne’s bare feet as he passed. A stinging pain soaked his feet. His feet were bleeding from cuts and scrapes all over. There wasn’t a place that wasn’t wounded, from the soles of his feet, the tops, between his toes, and even his toenails.8770e371b946f50d

All the private hospitals located on Ira Street were closed. He shook the doors, knocking hard with his fists, and even shouted to see if anyone was inside, but no one came out. He realized it wasn’t business hours just before he was about to throw his body against the door, when he saw a small sign saying the doctor was out on a house call.31be01919e3c3dbd

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“Damn it!” Shavonne cursed out loud. Why do these greedy bastards only keep the hospital open for three hours? No wonder you’re scraping by on Ira Street. If you were open all the time, you’d be more than qualified to be a doctor at the Royal Hospital by now. No, forget the Royal Hospital. You could’ve been the Royal Physician.108067f48e20dd25

Shavonne recalled the time when a drunk house-call doctor, with a bright red nose, broke his toe. What did he say back then? Something about mistaking Shavonne’s toe for a tree branch? Such doctors made up 99% of Ira’s medical professionals.7b232d4431caff2d

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By now, this doctor was probably pretending to be on a house call while actually hanging out at Blase, drinking with just about anyone. And then, after drinking, he’d try to suture a wound and end up putting the scalpel in someone’s stomach. You fucker, why would 578ef76dae you go to a 9ff8487099 house call? Who the 547416930a hell called ea9cf84c0f for a eec79b24c6 house call 94a4b8ec4a at this 06c87feb86 hour?96f4fa04c4309267

Shavonne wanted to cry, d8c0aba7d7 but there was no ae851a068f time for that. Emotions could wait until 3f25d9446d after waking Lewellyn. Just then, Shavonne remembered 46179653f7 that there was a ff45effb55 clinic nearby that was 0df68c9ceb open all day. Shavonne hesitated before heading 2166fcd1f8 straight to the clinic.c529dae4d03a8459

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Among the e5c44e37dd medical facilities 68b6f947a1 in Bunch, 3061bd0bad that clinic d17ab62cdb had the 4086fce2ff worst conditions. Except for the 3da5ca3997 Royal Hospital, which 7ab83e2b75 was practically exclusive 734123991c to the upper 63277678fe class, the only 02848cdaa9 medical facilities Shavonne 9d56708d8a could access were cab9e31620 private hospitals and 6e10ca0490 clinics. Compared to private dc92feea52 hospitals, which were a3f0cb724d no better than 07a1f60c04 poorhouses, clinics had 48a283f4a0 even worse facilities. There was even 42a4f4e63f a common joke da23b85f19 that it was 8338be7536 better to receive b560478939 quack treatment from d4b3944d8b a Caucasian fortune-teller 36559ef44f than to be fc167fa412 treated at a 985745c363 clinic.cad42f6257e390d7

Should I really 5058b66d67 take Lewellyn to 56c6bd3ff8 such a place?1838def163c682db

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The weight of the choice churned in Shavonne’s throat like nausea. But Shavonne’s decision was already made. Before going to the clinic, Shavonne glanced at Lewellyn, who was being carried on his back. Lewellyn was asleep. Perhaps in a long sleep that might become eternal. The breath on Shavonne’s nape was so faint it seemed it might stop at any moment.257bbdd38bac2842

The clinic ba77527dcf door only 9d540125e5 opened after 6b670fe314 three loud 2ff4a714c7 knocks. Despite the sign 4b0cee49a8 saying it was 915ec000f1 open all day, 2c9183ca1b the doctor looked a5decfdb52 like he had 70e64a13df just woken up. His messy hair, sleepy 024e826f0a eyes, and lips twisted 859af3bc95 as if trying to 43f3ff7329 suppress a yawn were d6a1fc24e0 evidence of this.eaca3577daf401d5

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The doctor quickly looked Shavonne up and down, taking in the sight of Lewellyn on his back. He seemed to be considering whether to treat them or not. Fortunately or not, the doctor’s deliberation ended the moment he saw Shavonne’s limping leg and bare, injured feet without shoes. The doctor said,6efc307e024d640c

“Go somewhere else.”0bf72a5380e75597

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And with that, he slammed the door shut. Before the echo of the slam could fade, Shavonne violently opened the door. The doctor, who had been about to leave the doorway, stopped and turned to look at Shavonne with a surprised face. His eyes were as round as a rabbit’s.315c2a5f8ac0832f

“What…”7a11b50fad3909fd

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Shavonne didn’t let the doctor finish his sentence.6bf7ada92d188323

“Listen here, doctor.”0853beaf537e493b

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Shavonne had to make the doctor treat Lewellyn. Of course, Shavonne wasn’t dumb. He wouldn’t appeal to the hippocratic oath, which had become mere scraps of paper, or to emotions. The method Shavonne would use was much faster, more certain, and more effective than appealing.5d93b1124b632f50

For example, a threat.3a63720e6f13ace7

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“Have you never had an inspection in your life? Don’t you even know what the inspector Allium Cepa looks like?”7e5bd2f649ebdb74

The doctor’s expression became bizarre.75c91cd5292fdf73

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“You’re saying you’re Inspector Alli… whatever you said?”f60e6b8879ca805c

“If you don’t believe me, check with the inspection office. Of course, by then, I won’t be speaking politely as a patient like I am now.”6740a9fd1c8dcff5

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The doctor seemed uncertain whether the man before him was a real inspector or not. Shavonne didn’t miss this hesitation and shouted loudlyee46f521712b3cdf

“What are you waiting for?!”7d1a08b2382d0c2b

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Only then did the doctor hurriedly start preparing for the medical examination. Shavonne tightly gripped and then released Lewellyn’s limp hand that was draped over his shoulder. It was a cold hand.2372c65a20d30445

Inside the clinic, Shavonne silently looked down at Lewellyn lying on the bed. Whether in Room 303 or here at the clinic, Lewellyn was still sound asleep. Not panting, not shaking or twisting his head. Not even moaning, ‘Shavonne, don’t go.’870bb0fbde34e69a

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“…”efba41f6ac3e72de

It was unbearable to look at. Shavonne closed his eyes. But if there was one thing Shavonne had overlooked, it was that fear could never be avoided whether one’s eyes were closed or open. Fear slowly began to dampen the nape of Shavonne’s neck.a149a6012711866f

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What if Lewellyn never opened his eyes again? If Shavonne could never eat the onion bagels or onion steaks that Lewellyn made, never hear Lewellyn’s morning greeting of ‘did you dream of me?’ or his nightly ‘dream of me’…d6f1ddcd0e161181

If Shavonne were to lose Lewellyn…9c4f4d1b39474c4e

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―Mr. Shavonne, can’t I be the only one in your world?220faf6e54faeac4

Shavonne recalled something Lewellyn had said once. What had Shavonne thought back then? That love couldn’t become one’s world, that love becoming one’s world was just an empty romance for daydreamers. Not knowing that someday, Shavonne would be afraid of losing his world, Lewellyn.0214db1a1c4729df

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Even Shavonne didn’t know when exactly Lewellyn had become his ‘romance’.f208df10b3b9936e

Maybe it was after seeing Lewellyn’s scar-covered body, or maybe it was after waiting all night for Lewellyn when he ran away. If he were to meticulously search through his memories, he might be able to pinpoint when it started. But now wasn’t the time to do that. He was afraid that the memories he shared with Lewellyn might turn into mere ‘memories’. He was afraid of the pain, afraid of the loneliness.293a458d50905f8a

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They say that as love deepens, the world becomes rosy, but that was all a lie. As love deepens, the world becomes full of dangers. An empty corridor that one would have barely noticed when alone becomes frightening, raindrops that one wouldn’t have cared about when alone become scary. The silence that one would have taken for granted when alone becomes terrifying.814808c29a536cca

Why does life f2fe1ec883 become scarier the cc9b5e1796 more one loves?5eb8e08eb6ebaf0e

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Shavonne buried his face in his hands and hunched over. The world pressed down on Shavonne’s back. It was overwhelming.437a7b1a0f00058e

The doctor said that Lewellyn would wake up soon. When asked how soon ‘soon’ was, he replied, “Anywhere from five minutes to twelve hours?” Shavonne frowned. How can that be 6b065ef0f8 ‘soon’?2535b7cd11eca662

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Shavonne planned to take Lewellyn to Dr. Fawkes’s hospital if he didn’t wake up within an hour. He didn’t want to reveal the existence of his ex-murderer lover to Dr. Fawkes, but if the situation worsened, he had no choice.ffc758f8c090a841

Dr. Fawkes’s hospital was said to provide treatment on par with the Royal Physician. Of course, they charged astronomical fees that would cost an ordinary person their entire fortune. Since Dr. Fawkes himself had told this story, there was no possibility of it being a lie. Although Shavonne had never been to Dr. Fawkes’s hospital, he figured that given its famous reputation, he could easily find it by asking around Rewood Street.3efb3eec7a223cb2

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As Shavonne 9fd9dc74ad repeatedly rubbed ff28e5e76a his face, 468d1dfd97 the doctor, 55e3718cbe who had 2a5831ce20 been glancing 87d4814bf3 at him e784178292 furtively, cautiously f41b1e68af asked a 8b0904bdf1 question. It was already the 81cab1bb65 fifth time he had e830dc204a asked today.2d522753be2c1f5f

“You’re really an inspector, right?”8f6ae0d9b7732ced

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“If you ask one more time, I’ll write in the evaluation report that you might have dementia.”bca2042ee0165689

Shavonne replied without taking his eyes off Lewellyn’s sleeping face. Shavonne’s face was dry and devoid of any hint of a smile.c27cff37f1beb667

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“I’m not asking because I don’t believe you. It’s just strange.”81c5f17f59cfca30

“Keep your strangeness to yourself. Don’t tell me about it.”77b633ad1c0425ab

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“Well, it’s not that you’re strange, sir. It’s that the… patient you brought in is strange.”8474189b68cf7eed

Shavonne turned to b06e29e599 look at the dfc4562d36 doctor. The doctor asked,e18067326bbf93b3

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“What happened to this person before they lost consciousness?”39451ff97a846b29

“…They took sleeping pills.”9af70f4d3912ca67

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Shavonne swallowed the words f2d35f5131 ‘It must have been 4e5f41ada0 due to side effects.’ ba5bcc6d1e The words ‘side effects’ 9300976ffd felt very uncomfortable.0d291df29e72a556

The doctor muttered to himself, “Sleeping pills, sleeping pills…” and then spoke up.335fed70f95ab5ff

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“Could you bring me those ‘sleeping pills’ next time?”b0db28bf66d6458f

Shavonne said he 131d766578 would. He showed ade184f45b no other fdf07452d0 reaction.f015b0b0a294ee44

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After the doctor left, 6340c7fb88 only the two of 77ec959420 them remained in the 3df3eda72f empty hospital room. Despite it being 98094f7ca0 dawn, it was d26b19a11d still dark outside. Daybreak was too far ca7983d129 away.c981db67ec73a9a5

***1c167d40296d425e

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There’s an end to everything. Love is no exception. Whether it’s death that ends love or discord, there’s no such thing as endless love.463580a276b3adaa

Shavonne wanted to die the day before losing Lewellyn. He didn’t want to see the end. Shavonne was too weak to endure the end, and he lacked the strength, courage, and will to not become weak. Shavonne simply didn’t want to hurt.4991e323c79a4f9f

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He remembered a certain 99c9d316e3 evening when all of 08ec4e3a36 Bunch was dyed in 16ba2b69b3 a romantic purple. Twilight, spring. The cozy 1e33c32ecb dusk of 9259f65ca5 the moon 274705e2a8 and stars. And a gentle a0735cfb88 darkness.4e680c858c4e19e0

He shouldn’t have gone to find Lewellyn then.7fa0cbf19a97491a

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He shouldn’t have said, “I like you.”850b58006c1a1138

He shouldn’t have said, “Would you go out with me?”0fc84ae996dda83d

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Even if it meant dying buried in solitude, he shouldn’t have done anything.050db7c6e42a0ab6

Shavonne regretted it. It was the first 8f681c73e8 time since falling in 8f804e6aa8 love with Lewellyn.24fff3d4b16f64c7

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He shouldn’t have loved.fc43bf70eeb0c359

He shouldn’t have created a situation where he could lose him.7d01743258f1bf9e

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Lewellyn.e7fa847e8673eece

Don’t go.a40c44bca28f8dc7

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Words that shouldn’t be said swirled in his throat. It stung.9cb59deb2b7fb5f5

Lewellyn opened his b319c772c5 eyes.f4b41cfbb4e88e26

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Lewellyn regained consciousness around dawn at five o’clock, as the early morning light began to stream through the window.eb59d0b68fdc60ff

Despite having kept vigil by the bedside all along, Shavonne didn’t see Lewellyn wake up. He had been curled up, his head cradled in both arms. Shavonne had been regretting. Everything was a matter of regret.1e8238f485868fcc

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Starting from‘I shouldn’t have given him the sleeping pills,’ to ‘Why didn’t I say anything? I should have at least hinted that I was going to give him sleeping pills. I should have done that!’, ‘No, I should have refused Turner’s offer to give me sleeping pills. Yes. First of all, I shouldn’t have told the truth about not being able to sleep.’66fade3f3196f6e8

While Shavonne wasn’t looking, Lewellyn opened his eyes. His previously still eyelids trembled slightly, then opened to reveal his golden eyes. His haggard gaze slowly moved from the ceiling to the wall, then to the bed, and finally rested on Shavonne, who was keeping watch at the bedside.b19c358eb7bf4589

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Lewellyn just quietly looked up at Shavonne, who was curled up with his head in his arms. Shavonne’s face wasn’t visible due to his arms cradling his head and his fallen hair. Instead of calling out ‘Shavonne,’ Lewellyn raised his hand and brushed aside Shavonne’s fallen hair. Their eyes met. Shavonne’s eyes widened belatedly.3854cbb912ac41b7

“Lewellyn, I’m…”cd630810372a8787

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He was about to say he was sorry. That it was Shavonne’s fault for not telling him in advance, for giving him sleeping pills without saying a word due to the childish desire to give him a ‘good sleep’ as a surprise gift.e69589bd2090dc83

However, before he could even offer the apology he had prepared, an unexpected response cut off Shavonne’s words.07e8b58ed7dfc5da

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“You didn’t leave.”36d7e05402b1bf42

His throat closed 77b0aed38c up.ae6cb2c9fa1e074e

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“That’s a good thing. For you, of course, not for me. If you had left, I was planning to chase you down immediately and put shackles on your ankles.”258b0e8bbeeb19ee

A faint laugh. Perhaps because he had been unconscious for over ten hours, Lewellyn’s voice was hoarse and cracked. Shavonne couldn’t say anything. It felt like there was a thorn stuck in his throat. Every time he swallowed, a stinging pain jabbed his throat, stopped, and then started again.7f06d7a860205494

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“Are you not going to say anything?”a72db7e6b9c8fcc2

Lewellyn’s hand fidgeted with Shavonne’s face. As Lewellyn’s touch caressed his hair, pinched his cheek, and lightly brushed the bridge of his nose, Shavonne felt his mouth clamp shut even more tightly, let alone speak.63c52cb352d3c9a3

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“Really?”8da23527c5acde29

Lewellyn pushed Shavonne’s fallen hair behind his ear while maintaining eye contact. As if all of this was no big deal. Shavonne still couldn’t say anything. Regardless of his intentions, Shavonne had given Lewellyn sleeping pills without any warning and had nearly sent his lover to his grave. What could someone like Shavonne possibly say?da1ee32075559f09

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Lewellyn stopped his hand 93465d1f6e and quietly observed Shavonne. After a c6053ff5fe moment, he 3e92a9c818 deliberately narrowed ffdc602e3a his eyes 5f8bf97103 and wrinkled 7c889aa6ab his nose ef580ba094 playfully.8468b46acb66bf13

“You’re terrible. I already knew it, but you’re really terrible, Mr. Shavonne. So mean.”182e38d1f35d7b6f

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Finally, Shavonne had to 2b678e4185 force out some words. His voice was harsh.424bc268febe7f00

“…I have some sense of shame.”4d3e40d114aa6573

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“Do you? I had no idea.”afdd1436355c9280

“…Lewellyn, what can I possibly say? No, what do you want me to say?”4fef09d9fbf95384

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“I don’t know, anything?”e4a9d6a6144d5373

There was only 49ca5332a2 one thing he 4876e2a2d7 could say.bcd42ed9bd7a675d

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“I’m sorry.”cf94356bce0d6a5a

“Not that. Something else.”b80c2903caf926fb

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He could only do that. Apart from ‘I’m sorry,’ there was only one other thing Shavonne could say.a26eee015ebabf5d

“I want to apologize for giving you sleeping pills without any warning.”5e182c7e92e97a3d

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“Not that. Something else.”4249d887d97c8ecb

Lewellyn made a gesture 6c00230aa6 of waving his hand 3f3cce079b dismissively.84db4dae7337ef77

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When you do something wrong, you should apologize. That’s common sense. But is it really right for the perpetrator to apologize when the victim doesn’t want it?The question 48fe22c6fc flashed through ffa195df4e his mind. Shavonne closed ed339ea0e0 his mouth. His throat hurt as b55b387166 if the thorn stuck a7cc5553de in his throat had 8ab1b02c6a grown larger.adc496a28ccae2ad

“…Shackles, you said.”9ebe0b00b12e4c72

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Was it because his throat was strained? Shavonne’s voice came out hoarse. Lewellyn laughed. He seemed to find it amusing that Shavonne had mentioned the shackles.0bab34269fcaa5fc

“You don’t like the idea?”356670d44c8cf5ec

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Starting with putting on shackles and ending with demolishing all the stairs in the Ira apartment building. Lewellyn recited all the various ways he would keep Shavonne from leaving, whether they were feasible or not. Shavonne thought that maybe Lewellyn wasn’t speaking because he wanted to, just as Shavonne wasn’t listening because he wanted to. Perhaps Lewellyn was doing his best to divert attention so that Shavonne couldn’t blame himself.412c0eff7335e8d3

As he looked at Lewellyn, gradually all the sounds in the world faded away. It felt distant. He could see Lewellyn’s lips moving busily, but he couldn’t hear his voice.dfc39a513c0a1c8c

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Shavonne wanted to hold 4fb342209b onto Lewellyn by any 8658f8e8e9 means necessary. He wanted to put 7c151239b2 shackles on him as 697b93f8dd Lewellyn had said, and ecd2db4c18 he wanted to demolish a95cf5745b all the stairs in fc438c5c1a the Ira apartment building. But in the end, a892daaca9 he knew that Lewellyn 08a558ebb3 would leave someday. He knew ea3ceef84d he would.934e0c89671c60e0

I know I will 7f40690655 be left alone.d0ac15cb5ab0ee29

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The growing thorn blocked Shavonne’s airway. He couldn’t breathe as if a transparent, enormous hand was choking him. Beyond the window, five in the morning was breaking into a blue dawn. A silent suffocation enveloped the room.3174088ef427c79a

***d31ea8bb375611db

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After going to a clinic, you have to pay the clinic fee. Shavonne only realized this obvious fact just before leaving for the Ira apartment building with Lewellyn. The doctor, who was standing as if to say ‘shouldn’t you pay the clinic fee before you go?’, had a face that had never even considered the possibility that Inspector Allium Cepa might have gone without a single penny.64c3ca55207468d9

What a fiasco. Shavonne’s face stiffened. He didn’t have a penny. In his haste to leave the house, he hadn’t thought to bring his wallet. Under normal circumstances, he would have identified himself, said he’d come back to pay later or asked for the bill to be sent to his home address, but now that he had lied about being an inspector, he couldn’t do that.445a1d06a89e6c67

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While Shavonne was at a loss for what to do, the doctor said, “Don’t you have cash? If not…” and then handed him a piece of paper with a pen on top. It seemed he wanted Shavonne to write down the home address where the bill should be sent. Shavonne held the pen awkwardly, not knowing what to write. If he wrote a fake address, an innocent household would have to pay it, and if he wrote his real address, the doctor would know he was fooled.54f227bfaef98c6e

“Inspector Cepa?”cd133215fa19f2f7

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The doctor tilted his be6023c315 head. A puzzled 6cae9cc119 look was f0f05ea1a0 spreading across 4147127556 his round d034c20df2 face. Just as 69c94eaf25 Shavonne was be40dfc063 wondering about 42e6b12680 what to 3a389e9d05 do, a a30a2972a8 hand reached c3ebbf3747 out from 59a56f58e8 behind him 23647f460b and snatched 893328c8bf the pen 3726dab79e he was d2ee1a798f holding. It also took 31673077d5 the paper he f33718f93e was holding. Then.7315d643a989aba3

“I’ll write it.”eb3e442b3716c986

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It was Lewellyn. He started writing an address on the paper. As Shavonne had hoped, it was an unfamiliar address. Judging by the name ‘Iroph Storage,’ it fortunately didn’t seem to be a private residence.420ddc65f43281bf

Lewellyn told the doctor to collect the money there. The doctor, upon receiving the paper, showed a questioning look, saying, “But this isn’t a private residence address?” Lewellyn replied in a casual tone while putting the pen back in its holder.239b1b0447504ffc

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“No, it’s not.”58d8e0e3b54c29dd

“But you need to tell me where your private residence is so I can…”c3a5491935453b2f

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“‘You can’?”255f17f08b9ac419

Lewellyn raised an eyebrow. Flustered by the blunt question, the doctor hesitated and couldn’t continue speaking. Lewellyn took his hand off the pen holder.4c4f4bd2c40ac688

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“I can’t tell you. There are too many sketchy individuals coming to seek favors. As you know, our Inspector Cepa is too busy to deal with all the visitors personally.”ac77711ed8687d95

Lewellyn’s pronunciation of “Inspector Cepa” was smooth. Glancing at him, Lewellyn looked completely natural, as if there was no problem at all. A faint smile filled his face.75d868916a7ae1e7

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“I’m sure you understand that, don’t you?”aadf03f2aeeea006

It would be impossible 405bf31360 to say he didn’t 040e3d1a6a after the way he cefdaa5f36 spoke. Like most people 9cb16d2fbd dealing with Lewellyn, 854a128439 the doctor, caught 40db17c9c9 up in his 398da938b6 pace, reluctantly nodded 01c98ac843 in agreement.c50bfea5a5d6a026

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“Let’s go, Inspector.”9f0ce683e577831b

Lewellyn led the way. His face had a slight smile. Shavonne couldn’t smile back. He realized that without Lewellyn, he would have been caught red-handed.a5354df1ce4f7dad

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If Lewellyn wasn’t there. Shavonne wondered what weight Lewellyn’s absence would carry. It would overturn his entire daily life, like losing an eye, or the nose, or the mouth. The thorn in his throat, which he thought had shrunk, began to swell again. The thorn’s presence made his throat tighten.cd8ebf217f297a66

As soon as they left the clinic, Lewellyn took off his shoes. Shavonne wondered what he was doing, but it turned out Lewellyn intended to put them on Shavonne’s bare feet. Although Shavonne hastily waved his hands in refusal, Lewellyn paid no attention. He bent down, lifted Shavonne’s bare feet covered in scratches, and put the shoes on. “An ‘inspector’ shouldn’t be barefoot,” he said, playfully emphasizing the word ‘inspector.’f89bec1f76d862c3

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Shavonne was e100d1f4b1 so surprised 543d03e1f7 that he 6414a98670 stood stiffly 312221c0a3 in place, eb4d3b6098 but only 5af021077e for a 3e01c37859 moment. Belatedly coming to his 4145f108f8 senses, he quickly rubbed 4eddea5921 his ankles to take 0185e377e2 off the shoes. Perhaps because he d1f889bcc4 had sprained it 2a4e4a5cf2 while running with 36919da769 Lewellyn on his 69fee1121a back at night, e3191dfc25 his ankle throbbed 85643503b9 severely.a3668371269618ec

“It’s fine. This kind of consideration isn’t necessary…”6d71f262799b3543

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“If you know it’s a consideration, just wear them without complaining.”e32db03c99ca3386

Lewellyn raised and lowered his eyebrows lightly. Unable to face him, Shavonne lowered his gaze. Fixing his gaze on Lewellyn’s nape, he replied.7f753b202d7db044

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“…It seems more logical for only one of us to have scratched feet rather than both of us.”54af560547cbd165

“My goodness, I didn’t know Mr, Shavonne was the type to only do logical things. I thought you were definitely not that type, given how many irrational things you do.”180dab70cc36a4fa

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“I haven’t done anything irrational.”d21961fb656a42e8

“In case you didn’t know, the things you’ve done today are typically called irrational actions, Mr. Shavonne.”8b765de4c0a3ba07

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“‘Actions’?”a915a477a153871b

The irrational 76d61e932e action Shavonne 0e74dc0c82 had in d9f76404f8 mind was df0c5140f0 just one: 4fa912b0dd giving Lewellyn c970f760e2 sleeping pills 1c732ae090 without any 56a8bbf768 warning. When he asked, Lewellyn 5b7ff44058 counted on his fingers c2da0360c7 and listed them one 87e7bbb24a by one.c8ca89bb69cae867

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“First, giving sleeping pills without any warning. Second, coming to the clinic without a penny. Third, lying to the doctor about being an inspector. Fourth, rejecting the shoes your lover personally put on your bare feet.”6bc12d60b6cdb40c

Shavonne couldn’t refute. Lewellyn smiled faintly.89805c894baba8da

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“Now that you heard all that, don’t you feel like you should wear the shoes?”fed5395a8ea316ad

“Well, I…”05e971a0b1641599

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“If not, don’t say anything. I have no intention of listening.”60a711584dd400c6

So stubborn. After the brief argument, Shavonne said he understood. Lewellyn said, “You should, after how much I’ve tried to persuade you,” not giving an inch, and smiled brightly. Again, Shavonne couldn’t smile back. What would happen if Lewellyn wasn’t there? Would there be anyone else who would give up their shoes for Shavonne, knowing they would end up barefoot themselves?35d678165ffbe539

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He couldn’t be sure. Shavonne silently lowered his head. Lewellyn knelt down and brought his hands to Shavonne’s bare feet. The feet that were always clean were now covered in wounds from running through the streets all night.beac60c45e55c78b

Lewellyn’s face, which had been staring down blankly, became quite serious. He slowly pressed his lips to the top of Shavonne’s foot and then pulled away. Shavonne flinched at the unexpected action. Noticing this reaction, Lewellyn looked up at Shavonne. He was smiling.c4d4eb770be9b5c3

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“Because you’re precious.”18df19fd20ca6e85

Once again. The thorn pierced 2f8f2dd452 his throat.4ba935110b42f8f2

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“There’s nothing as precious as you, Mr. Shavonne.”ff36dfe20e7c8087

Precious. It was a word that had never been associated with him from birth until now. Shavonne wasn’t precious. If he had been precious, his parents wouldn’t have abandoned him, and he wouldn’t have been unloved or unadopted at the orphanage. He wouldn’t have been scraping by as a ghostwriter in Ira Street, the poorest slum in Bunch. He wouldn’t have been a complete loner who had never invited or been invited by anyone. He wouldn’t have been lonely.0a22ad9de12ba385

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However, at 134d352101 that moment, 8d48a55181 what Shavonne d2bf5f1e9f focused on 6d1a637265 was not 135fffc260 whether he 9f276c4291 was actually 6c4b1aae2e precious or 182cad9191 not.ae80f62e4e120cfe

If Lewellyn wasn’t there.e83ab2e8627d754a

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Who would call 8900f1c0de Shavonne precious if fe1c2a6ad2 Lewellyn wasn’t there?6b87ed9f2d97fbc1

“…”2ec96e9f192d7ece

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His throat throbbed a053d3f828 with the sting e2ce1d5ab7 of the thorn. Despite knowing it’d be a5ca1e1aba impossible, it felt as bed500908a if blood was flowing 9a6651b991 down his esophagus. Lowering his gaze, b638c07022 the shadow cast 5201add398 on the floor ca025977a3 appeared long and 7aa314c3fb thin. Dawn was c7b9e71cc6 breaking faintly 036816e9cd in the 0a74727df1 distance, but e18774581c where Shavonne a64edfbfea stood was 59d5278f8d still dark. It seemed it ff0f21537a would never brighten.aa51344496721d93

Anyone who has 0ba8f74863 ever loved something a1a0e1d4a5 would know. The deeper the love, de99b9dc8b the more deadly the a74134357f wound. Wounds made the soul cebc7aed27 fester, rot, and eventually efd9e2fb16 had to be cut 6f0d605833 out. There were no exceptions. The evidence 8041016974 was the c84d8fbacf people all 71e5c62b28 over the f652c97902 world who bdce4ccc59 had become 03afc3049e disabled in f71cbb614c this way.f67c78f77e0c5efd

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Shavonne decided to f859fc3cd7 love Lewellyn less. No more and 0e235f4188 no less than 041fbb8893 just a little 2244c48c73 bit a day. As it 94987a5fa4 accumulated, it 8cba91e85d would eventually 33fff8bef0 become a e4f401d230 far enough 783accef50 distance to c7e04e187e not be 7187501e0f hurt even 5ac24053df when their 94dcfb2f0f love ended.30e1bf373b89f0aa

He knew he f0acb3b33d would be lonely. But he also knew edf65fe1da that becoming lonely was e87f0d674a more painful than being 8b2665df2a lonely. Shavonne lacked the c216479c53 courage to endure e2cf0830b9 the pain. He was 6f70951b20 a coward.813319a9181b36de

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It was an inevitable choice even if the whole world pointed fingers at him, calling him a coward. Because the world wouldn’t ease Shavonne’s pain. It was only Shavonne alone who had to bear the burden.2a313adf8798e8aa

At night, Lewellyn was sound asleep, holding Shavonne. Not panting, not shaking or twisting his head. Not even groaning, “Shavonne, don’t go.” Lewellyn’s explanation was that he didn’t have nightmares when he slept holding Shavonne, or more precisely, when Shavonne’s scent was at the tip of his nose.ab82c085a7d41285

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He didn’t know if it was true or not. One thing was clear: right now, being held by Lewellyn to sleep, or more precisely, with Lewellyn’s regular breathing in his ear, Shavonne couldn’t fall asleep.022a49a5499b8d85

Shavonne lay awake all 29c4883073 night. It was the same 8ad9643150 the next day, and 88930fe891 the day after that.0aebf7fab31a9245

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Shavonne developed insomnia.13feefa1c3028f12

Anyone at the age of 29 would have experienced not being able to sleep. Shavonne was no different. There was a time when he couldn’t sleep for three days straight, anxious that the publishing company that had commissioned him for ghostwriting might run off with the money. But that was it. Years later, Shavonne was alive and well, sleeping every day.e75e529900830797

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Sometimes he had bad dreams, sometimes good dreams. Of course, there were times when he didn’t dream at all. Insomnia was a temporary pain. It would dull over time and be washed away cleanly like water after several years. Insomnia couldn’t kill a person.ac7800dd1d830776

However, there was one 826a35c010 thing Shavonne overlooked. While insomnia 31e0af7eb1 might not 610d392cfa be able b85d6315c6 to kill f1ffc3bf04 a person, 75591bf93c chronic insomnia a97d8f861f could.378d326af1171551

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He thought it would pass in a day or two. But when it had been a week since he couldn’t sleep, Shavonne had to change his mind. That it might not end in just a day or two. That what he thought was a cold that would go away in two weeks might actually be pneumonia he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. The fear that he might never be able to sleep again like this forever swept through Shavonne’s mind.8a97f2f0b23e2e16

On the first day of not being able to sleep, Shavonne suffered from extreme drowsiness, and from some point on, his head cleared as if he had become alert. It felt like his brain was racing. ‘Mr. Lewellyn, something’s wrong with my body.’ He was about to say, but remembering his resolution to love Lewellyn less, no more and no less than just a little bit a day, he tightly shut his mouth. This is the first 119ae827cb little bit,he repeated to himself.6ec0905319d94df6

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From the second day, his vision began to shake. The ceiling collapsed and the pillars bent. The typewriter melted. The letters on the manuscript writhed as if they each had life. When he came to his senses, he had dozed off. 3 minutes. Shavonne slept for 3 minutes. As he later found out, Shavonne slept an average of 5 minutes. No matter how much he slept, he couldn’t exceed 20 minutes.f76b72b796f5fec1

That day too, Lewellyn, who had slept soundly holding Shavonne, saw Shavonne awake as soon as he opened his eyes. Not thinking that he might not have been able to sleep, he stroked Shavonne’s hair with an alluring smile and whispered,8cb9f1ed06d09887

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“Did you wake up early to admire my handsome face? You’re so sly.051ef03177d1ea7c

Shavonne was about to say that it was true that he was handsome, but that wasn’t why he woke up early, that he just couldn’t sleep, but he just nodded instead. This is the 369414d902 second little bit,he repeated to himself.9dfc5fc1f13dd13b

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From the third day, his brain began to turn to mush. His head and body acted separately. His head thought he should do something, but his body wouldn’t follow. One example was when Shavonne cut his finger while slicing bread. Blood flowed, and the blood from his finger even soaked the bread he was holding, but he couldn’t do anything. Because no thoughts came to mind.c02b487b8fef8e0d

If Lewellyn hadn’t rushed over calling “Shavonne!” he would have stayed like that. Even while Lewellyn sucked Shavonne’s injured finger, applied medicine, and put on a gauze, Shavonne had no thoughts.378d6ff9a6886d4d

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“What’s wrong? Tell me.”1f0ca97675aa1939

Lewellyn said. Shavonne suppressed the urge to confess and replied, “It’s nothing.” This is 5d791b93a7 the third 3c101ed529 little bit,he thought b3f70afc53 to himself.6bef0d31fe473659

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From the 71b777603e fourth day, 32eed17cb6 his thoughts 5f9fd9a053 began to 73bb406ce3 disintegrate.Sleep, was the fe66667cda first letter of f95eb7053b LewellynR or L¹? Is it winter? I should write the a724576ce4 manuscript, I need to 84d8e7a924 sleep, can I love 8b6ac8a07d Lewellyn less? Will it snow? If this manuscript wins the royal competition…, I need to sleep, feels like there’s a thorn in my throat maybe it’s the typewriter sound, it’s an L, right, if I have money and honor will I get better? What if a homeless person freezes to death in front of a communal housing? There was a corpse in front of the communal housing whose corpse was it? A corpse Lewellyn killed, no, was it R, I can’t love Lewellyn less but I have to love him less what was my name, manuscript, I need to sleep…a93d17812e0de584

It was around this time that Lewellyn gradually began to notice Shavonne’s insomnia.550d2076f85b7902

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“Shavonne, you can’t sleep?”f7197df1011c9a50

Lewellyn was worried. His face was pale as if it was Lewellyn, not Shavonne, who hadn’t slept for four days.c7ebf34a44bc4269

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“Is it because I’m holding you while sleeping? Do I talk in my sleep?”92779807e79eabb6

“No. You don’t.”852b11233a767c0e

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“Should I stay awake until you fall asleep? Should I read you a book? Or sing you a lullaby?”a6de5612b1231991

“It’s fine.”f4f6a91db02cf55a

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“You don’t like 《Cous Cous》 or 《Yellow, Yellow, Yellow Squirrel》? What do you want to hear? I’ll sing for you. What would you like me to do? No, how can I help you?”587b01db47ff6ae9

Lewellyn was desperate. Shavonne was about to say he’d like Lewellyn to do everything he could, but stopped. Sharing the burden was no different from enlarging Lewellyn’s place. The larger Lewellyn’s place became, the larger the empty space Shavonne would have to endure when left alone in the future. Shavonne looked down at the floor, avoiding Lewellyn’s gaze, and then spoke. “I’d like you to do nothing.” This is the fourth b64deaa9ac little bit,he thought to f328f90c73 himself.419e0711cc9f7a93

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From the fifth day, having a conversation became impossible. If Lewellyn said, “Shavonne. You look sick,” each word – Shavonne, look, sick – would be input into Shavonne’s head. Then it would tear. As if someone had ripped a piece of paper to shreds.ec91af46e3b8c0a7

“Will there really be a war? The Daily Bunch said so.” Shavonne answered. Lewellyn silently looked at Shavonne. Perhaps because Lewellyn hadn’t been able to sleep since realizing Shavonne’s insomnia, his eyes were bright red with burst blood vessels. Shavonne pretended not to notice. This is the fifth 6b68cfde01 little bit,he thought to f05879a4dc himself.84943252bd15e119

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From the sixth day, he couldn’t write. To be precise, he only then realized that he couldn’t write. To be clear, Shavonne hadn’t gone to work for the past six days. He had sent a telegram saying he would be writing at home for a week because he had to take care of a sick dog, and Turner, although reluctant, had agreed.e96a06a44624bb9b

It was a strange thing. It was Turner who had said the reason for writing in the multifamily residential was due to security issues, but he didn’t object at all as if he had forgotten it himself.d29d39820a2b1e29

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Shavonne dismissed 2f1c99f04c it as 471cc0f441 consideration. He only thought 2003a13321 about repaying with 770dcbbf50 an excellent manuscript 533e6e285c in six days. But now, c52904ec62 the manuscript a2a54d6fd6 Shavonne had ea3649dc0f written for 9bbeb6bf97 six days 48fed2f924 had become 5cce55ad41 scrap. Not only a69451a403 was the a8c7d00ac6 content so a751cc481e incoherent that bbbfcc0a62 it was 2937b933e0 incomprehensible, but a2d6e38ea4 all the 414eb738e7 sentences were 9558d9563d wrong too. It was a5e1d202d2 a mess. When speech disintegrated, writing f4a39e9a34 was impossible. In a way, 4958e329ae he had already 103b86e8ff expected that result.54493a8c10853dcf

From that day, Shavonne began to make desperate efforts to sleep. He took a lower-body bath and drank a warm glass of milk before bed. He couldn’t go for a walk because he couldn’t control his body. Instead, he circled the house three times, groping along the walls.ed3d1d78c710e16f

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Despite all efforts, Shavonne couldn’t sleep. Wanting to at least faint, he banged his head against the wall when Lewellyn wasn’t looking, but he didn’t faint.def490a98e8b6910

He couldn’t get sleeping pills either. According to what he heard, because the price was astronomical and the distributed amount was minimal, only nobles or those connected to nobles could get them. He was about to ask for advice from Lewellyn, who was unexpectedly knowledgeable in various fields, but gave up. This is the sixth 97c8df41b0 little bit,he thought to ef699d4e3d himself.f3dba1cb614af635

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On the seventh day, Shavonne tried to go out. “Look in the mirror. If I don’t accompany you, you’ll surely be mistaken for a severe drug addict and locked up in jail,” Lewellyn insisted on going together, so Shavonne snuck out of the house when Lewellyn wasn’t looking.3a7d506c52682fa2

Of course, knowing that he might not be able to control his body, he drank ten cups of coffee to help with alertness. Just in case it wasn’t enough, he even borrowed and smoked a cigarette from the janitor.183a866945fc8664

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It was effective. It couldn’t not have an effect, as he coughed so hard his face turned bright red with each puff of the cigarette. Throughout the walk, Lewellyn’s pale face kept flickering before his eyes, but he pushed it away. This is the seventh a687a0f580 little bit,he thought c88aad8dbb to himself.b6a5b638acdc4cdc

The place Shavonne 2a4c6c05ea went to was 45fb4120fe the multifamily complex.53ba7d75d38787d8

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“How come you’ve shown up to work without notice…”7dcab2566c966d46

Turner, who was 9a91a7039c absentmindedly opening the 0d0ab168b0 door, stopped mid-sentence. His disheveled ff4db866db face, as 0a3907a933 if he 09bccd41bd had just bcfa976613 woken up, 10b9f38145 showed a 92f9b5c16d hint of 3cbff9b408 bewilderment.1a7444ed1d1fa3bc

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“Why do you look like that?”a0ca3b8fb2514d66

Sunken face and b133aec516 eyes, bloodshot red 700a897c58 from lack of 0abde879dd sleep. On top of a825aefcfe that, Shavonne had 8f95dc29d5 become extremely thin ba69cbed4e in a week. He was so a9803656c5 emaciated that it 2a2edb696a seemed like his 4a40b73b2e bones might creak d8b21bfa2f with the slightest 06a94d5413 movement.888b38b83c2a6c09

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Shavonne didn’t feel the need to explain the circumstances in detail. He didn’t have the energy for it either. The effects of ten cups of coffee and the cigarette seemed to have worn off, and his consciousness was already wavering. Terrible drowsiness. But he didn’t allow himself to sleep.d57e4292aaa44dac

“Mr. Turner.”452edc0c3e88e652

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His voice f14743d6bc was so 41c4c0a747 hoarse and e3f230a0e5 cracked that fd0eee17fd it could b73ab3d153 hardly be 3718d41ec4 thought of bf705911a0 as human. Turner adjusted his c50e4341d8 posture and looked a4b2b157f1 at Shavonne as ffbad84a12 if to say, c8d5e111a4 ‘speak’.78e1d20bfd3fb799

Shavonne felt his vision blurring. A week of insomnia had driven Shavonne’s mind to the brink. It seemed as if wind was blowing from somewhere. Below the steep cliff. The wind of death, blowing from a black hole so deep its bottom couldn’t be seen.af24adcaa9de72a7

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“The sleeping pills you gave me last time…, do you have any more?”b4ecd3366c79e9ca

While insomnia 6689b92171 might not 5aafe535b8 be able 83c0caa4f1 to kill 60bdfb8252 a person, 1809529fb1 chronic insomnia e01fbd0fd0 could. He had already 5eb7746771 had enough.72d06e97855ff580

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***948ae9dd92c56ef2

Of course, he hadn’t asked for sleeping pills without taking any precautions.4d6058c99fd20e46

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Those sleeping pills had ae0f649031 almost killed someone. If it had 8acafcc9d8 been something he e082429898 had just heard bd327cc49b as a rumor, 2855e97d53 he might have f9239dc611 let it slide, db4adf6e88 but not this 1e4eb683fe time. He had clearly seen 7a72c072ea with his own eyes 63a9c06d71 Lewellyn unable to open 227d2cd01c his eyes for ten 6005beef66 hours after taking the a48a8bb113 sleeping pill.f33f1f2595e0d53d

Turner wouldn’t have given Shavonne the sleeping pills to harm him. There was no reason to, and if he had, he should have shown some disappointment when he saw Shavonne still breathing normally. There were two possibilities. Either the sleeping pills were strange or Lewellyn was strange.c98e075709ec0d6f

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Tak.Shavonne came to his 193f178f10 senses at the sound 806292ddb5 of something being placed 04adc23e2b on the bedside table. He must 45deca3e4d have dozed 7993189044 off without 7948144ffe realizing it. Whenever his body 87a48dd219 stopped for even cff37a95dc a minute, a 8ca8c12368 terrible drowsiness would 4c279e160f come over him, 5e1509024d making his head 8a2edade2b feel soggy.11f6dc82282b4b26

What was 3c0c8b33e1 placed on d6e654f5a6 the bedside ea493c5f6c table was c750fee1aa water and 67fa8b2c11 sleeping pills. He recognized them 66e4aff088 as they were 1ce2c6e51e the same ones 6ddd4e3bde from last time. Before picking a10ec4bdbf up the b958f749fe medicine, Shavonne b171db4506 asked a 2c95ddec38 question that d0ea0c762a he absolutely 7e93397c58 needed an 98a06a9f2a answer to.856b5b812fd20d51

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“These pills… do they have any side effects?”bcc38c01e4942953

Turner frowned. As if the word “side effects” was as unpleasant as death, war, or ruin.48bceffe96e4286e

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“No. Not for normal people.”c6527f00b3800276

He didn’t seem to be lying. However, Shavonne couldn’t hastily set aside his suspicion. The image of Lewellyn unable to open his eyes for ten hours was too vivid to shake off his suspicion with just a word from Turner.769fd36176643e74

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“You don’t believe me?”02bd2dcc738e0afe

Turner was perceptive.5c0ff51c7c668f0e

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Shavonne nodded. If he didn’t believe it, he had to say so. There was no reason to lie. “Hmm.” Turner raised his chin and looked at Shavonne. His thoughts were impossible to read. Every time the gaze swept over Shavonne’s face, an indescribable, uncomfortable feeling crept up.8f38d35a0ae3afdd

“Are you d7ff7acb4f allergic to 558715b77e seafood?”39a42033780640da

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“No.”e62dfe657992dd00

“How about peaches?”7865bc0da815a2cb

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“No.”a9df51bf240a6748

“Walnuts?”5c0cd4b7243cda24

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“No.”394699ecaf04e19d

“Do you have an abnormal physical condition?”b69049068d296d0e

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Abnormal physical condition?e54c00ee6799b6d0

“A condition where you have hypersensitive reactions to all medications. I read  that when you have it, you can’t develop ani intolerance. It was in the newspaper. Don’t you know?”602fc7f7366bbae1

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An abnormal physical condition. A condition 0b5232d714 where one f58abdcd27 doesn’t develop cbb0a1c93c any tolerance 49a662916e and has d5d937c7d2 hypersensitive reactions 728d06a647 to all a091664a77 medications. Far from not developing 031c40e7a6 tolerance, Shavonne frequently was 2a7d3f95e8 in trouble because he 41d2c32bc4 developed tolerance too quickly. Of course, he had a16bcef0d4 never had a hypersensitive 84ad59bb68 reaction. Shavonne didn’t have 23c7c4e964 an abnormal physical cbd7f41de6 condition. Like 99 percent of 4290913c7a people, he was normal.c27afff587cfc0ec

But what a7e7fe5768 about Lewellyn?8a154d1e7f9e817c

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Could Lewellyn have an ‘abnormal physical condition’?0ab294fb7d7c60db

“Do you have an abnormal physical condition?”314d2d8f328f2e04

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It was then that Turner’s question wedged into his thoughts. Shavonne answered that he didn’t.675e17bdfe241d1e

“Then you can take it without worry.”2be16340d4b2308a

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Turner concluded. When Shavonne didn’t respond, he shrugged his shoulders as if seeking agreement, saying, “right?” Shavonne just stared at Turner with a cold face. Turner let out a long, audible sigh.9e6854bf5440783b

“Now I understand what kind of assurance you want, Mr. Shavonne. If it weren’t you, I would never have gone this far, but well, since it’s Mr. Shavonne.”3900d201ce0345a3

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Since it’s Mr. Shavonne. It was a familiar phrase. Until meeting Lewellyn, he was used to the world’s judgment of “It can’t be done because it’s Shavonne,” and after meeting Lewellyn, he got used to Lewellyn’s boasting of “I’ll do it because it’s Mr. Shavonne.”a5648f6e46b903f9

Shavonne had never thought that boasting was irritating. If someone does something nice for you, a little boasting is fine. He thought he could get over it with gratitude. That is, until now, before facing Turner’s arrogant boasting.151ba762bc21c4de

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Turner’s ‘since it’s Mr. Shavonne’ sounded like ‘since you’re as incompetent as an animal, I have to help you’ with the tone he used. Far from feeling cared for, Shavonne felt like he had become something less than human. Even in the terrible drowsiness that made his consciousness flicker, he was clearly offended.35d0ea92ef3701ef

Turner picked 00cdd12ef6 up the 82456785be sleeping pill. He split it, b473e00d02 mixed it with 55c23249ea water, and drank a2e8c66d75 it. The glass, emptied cleanly f37ddc7b80 without a drop of 4cca2bc582 water left, was quickly 25fc8b5fe9 placed in front of a7b9d68adf him. While Shavonne 4bdb2ac9f1 was dumbfounded dacc960f73 by such fc6760297c unexpected action, 51b69e6f69 Turner smiled e12887fe18 and spoke.7dc4889bc99dbb9d

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“I’ll wake up in three hours from now at the shortest, four hours at the longest.”8a3231fec66e75f1

Am I mistaken? Turner’s finger brushed past the back of Shavonne’s hand. Shavonne stiffened, startled. It was just a brief touch, so brief it was embarrassing to even call it a moment, but the discomfort persisted even after the finger left. It felt like a worm that looked like Turner’s finger was crawling up his skin.728fa5f93245e563

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Shavonne swallowed 6d5404851c hard, trying 2197a1478a to suppress c26c0c7e03 the rising eaa08d277b anger. Maybe it was cf443dacce because Shavonne was 4b2aba04b9 oversensitive from lack aaf794687e of sleep.Right. Right now, Shavonne’s condition was so bad that he wanted to curse even at the sight of a window or fallen leaves rolling on the street.fa5ce660d1812a42

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he tried to suppress his emotions. Shavonne desperately reminded himself that Turner was the lifeline that would give him money, honor, Lewellyn, and a future where he could be happy. He couldn’t afford to be on bad terms with his only fan and only editor. Moreover, wasn’t Turner the only person giving him sleeping pills? Getting on bad terms was even more out of the question.8cbee0e7f6bdf030

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Endure it.Shavonne thought 1728f9f9e7 that was 48e29c9245 the best cfb29f18f1 choice for 387c49f75a himself. Unfortunately, he did.a335f693cebd78f6

“You’ll wake me up, right?”0633554354e7222a

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As if they were secret lovers, Turner gave a secretive smile. Shavonne didn’t respond. His Adam’s apple just bobbed painfully.bd1355f3f34b739b

While Turner was asleep, Shavonne searched for and read the newspaper article about the abnormal physical condition. After a week’s worth of drowsiness, the letters seemed to be shattering in front of his eyes, so he couldn’t easily process the content. Shavonne read the newspaper article aloud to drive away sleep and clearly grasp the content of the article at the same time.394270fb76ab2644

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However, when reading the middle part, his mouth was shut tight without him realizing it, and by the time he finished reading, his heart was pounding. The throbbing sound reached to the tips of his fingers and toes. Although he couldn’t understand the technical terms, the words “total or partial pigment deficiency,” “body coldness,” and “abnormal hypersensitivity to medicine” strongly penetrated his mind.8174b9ab8849586c

Pale white skin and golden eyes, a body so cold it made one startled when touched, someone that couldn’t wake up for ten hours after taking 3mg of sleeping pills – these images swept through his mind one after another. A chill ran through him.2ec12a01445c2195

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Just then, the bell rang announcing twelve o’clock. Before Shavonne could even go to the bedroom, Turner woke up at the sound of the bell. Seeing Shavonne at the doorway, he joked.e6a41b0105189751

“The bell woke me up. I truly believed you would wake me up, Mr. Shavonne.”5bbf32a0c03b74a0

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Good complexion, clear eyes, and except for being slightly hoarse from just waking up, his voice was also nice. There was nothing different from usual in Turner’s appearance as he lay in bed. Either the sleeping pills were strange, or Lewellyn was strange. It was the moment when a wedge was driven into the thought that had leaned towards the latter after finishing reading the newspaper article.1e54653430fd9118

Turner gestured for Shavonne to come closer. When Shavonne did, he suddenly said, “Will you help me up?” and held out both hands. Shavonne felt the discomfort he thought he had swallowed rising again. His Adam’s apple bobbed.083760467385f11c

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“…Can’t you get up on your own?” Even though he spoke without hiding his displeasure, Turner didn’t seem to care and just said, “I took sleeping pills that I didn’t even need to take because of you, and you can’t even help me up?”d16939ac88a7fd09

Shavonne didn’t want to argue, so he silently helped Turner up. Disgusted by the thought of holding his hand, he grabbed Turner’s wrist, which was covered by his shirt. An unpleasant warmth touched him. It felt sticky, as if he had touched rotten plants. Hw thought for a moment how he wanted to wash away the persistent displeasure.61bb19e2b8e4ee7e

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After returning home, Shavonne took 0.5mg of sleeping pills. He slept for 30 minutes. When he took 1mg, he slept for an hour. When he woke up, there was nothing unusual. If anything was new, it was just the refreshing feeling. 2mg, 3mg, 4mg… Gradually increasing the amount, that night, Shavonne slept for eight hours without any dreams. It was a sweet, deep sleep.878ba69ddf59b423

Starting with the good night’s sleep on the day he took the sleeping pills, Shavonne’s discomfort due to insomnia began to gradually resolve. By the time he had been taking them for a week, he was back to normal. His vision didn’t shake, his head and body didn’t act separately, and his thoughts didn’t disintegrate. He could have smooth conversations, and writing flowed easily. It seemed like his condition had improved even more than before taking the sleeping pills. Even if it was only for a moment.8158080b25e0b9a8

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***cd65ce5393695e0f

He was busy.bd5ffeff0381f8b7

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The royal contest was right around the corner, but the novel wasn’t finished. It wasn’t because Shavonne had failed to meet the schedule. As a former ghostwriter who would be immediately cut off if he didn’t meet deadlines, Shavonne was skilled at adhering to schedules. He even finished the manuscript two weeks earlier than scheduled, considering the possibility that the schedule might be moved up due to unavoidable circumstances. The problem was elsewhere.18dc422201a7682d

“Hmm, I don’t like this page.”118524d15337000c

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Turner pointed to one page. Page 272. It wasn’t possible to ignore the advice of Turner, an 8-year veteran editor with a sharp eye for writing. Although it left a bitter taste in his mouth as it was a page he had put a lot of effort into, he decided to revise it. As Turner demanded immediate revision, he couldn’t return home on time. Shavonne told him that he had to return home on time because his pet was waiting, but Turner just scoffed.11553ac3cd34d935

“It won’t die just because you’re three hours late.”4f2ad17629ec2421

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Shavonne said nothing. A thought crossed 1924c1abfb his mind:are all dc98033d1e people who 82ac74c38d are both b105691f41 fans and 73cbc692e7 editors so 9552968f52 harsh? When he finished the revisions and hurried home, it was ten o’clock at night. As expected, Lewellyn was waiting for him. He must have come out when it wasn’t dark yet, as he was dressed lightly, walking around the front of the apartment building in that state.19b8c5df250e4008

Shavonne bit his lip. Anger welled up. Anger towards Lewellyn, and anger towards himself for making Lewellyn wait. Without warning, he grasped Lewellyn’s wrist tightly and led him into the building.d081560edb2680f9

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“Come in.”8a3c314e25560449

His voice cracked. The veins stood out on his neck as he tried not to show his emotions. As he held and led him, Lewellyn’s arm felt like sand in his grip. Sand that seemed like it might slip through his fingers at any moment. Perhaps it already was and when he opened his hand later, there would be nothing except for the red and blue marks on his palm from clenching his hand with all his might.239d43a569652c4a

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The image of empty, scarred hands wouldn’t leave his mind. Shavonne spoke in a heavy voice.ed217e1ddff1b647

“…Don’t wait for me.”cd3ed9b66fb3be72

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There was no answer. He hadn’t expected him to simply say yes, but when there was no response at all, his lips burned for no reason.f1b27bb2195510e8

“Work has gotten busy. The royal contest is the day after tomorrow…”8f84a8c731c56ea7

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Shavonne trailed off. It suddenly occurred 3c33fd12cb to him that 96a906f4dd he had never 8de24ee680 told Lewellyn about 2e14dd0365 the royal contest 78067ad1db before.Should I a82cfe0a1e explain the d7b1d4be59 situation in caf06a3a3f detail or ed5c25dc2c just give 1be9a0179d some general 256dca744a information? Which one will c1e27eb005 make me feel 12d0f4d7d8 less pain when 74f8099ad2 Lewellyn is no b7eec8b5cf longer by my a440b080ec side in the 86cbb1adf5 future? His steps slowed as he thought. It was then that Lewellyn’s response came abruptly.89d3d7fc837b730d

“Alright.”f64e1ff241cb20bf

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His steps halted.0924f6c5d3b3dd8f

“I won’t wait.”8a87a48e6a37ae6c

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He tried to turn around, but couldn’t. He felt that if he turned around, all the efforts Shavonne had made so far to love Lewellyn less would come to nothing.0d40e141f7f73e0e

One bit, two bits, three bits, the thirty bits of distance he had painfully created would be closed in an instant. He would hug him, press their cheeks together, kiss his lips, love Lewellyn, and then… a future without Lewellyn would come. Shavonne knew that future would hurt him. Shavonne would be in pain. To an extent he could hardly bear.b806a8e10bc4e178

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He deliberately reminded himself 7d8a4ef7f7 of this fact. He needed to 3eb21931bb avoid loving Lewellyn c72124ed21 blindly. Shavonne knew that 2f48abfe03 the more blind 92e98a6c9c the love, the 13930135ec greater it would 289353a9d0 hurt. He must not 1e884e08d8 become foolish.510b49dc1dadf248

“Alright.”21bbb9e20ee420d1

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Shavonne’s voice 6ca93ed8a5 sounded robotic ee38395f69 as he a750dc4079 replied.ffc92c025045ac06

What if Shavonne had turned to look at Lewellyn then? If he had, he would have seen that Lewellyn’s wrist had turned pale white from being held too tightly. If he had let go, Lewellyn’s wrist wouldn’t have swollen red in the shape of his hand. If it hadn’t swollen, that night, Lewellyn wouldn’t have spent all night touching his swollen wrist. He wouldn’t have tried to find Shavonne’s warmth in his swollen wrist, not daring to touch the sleeping Shavonne.865da00fbcbeedc9

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But Shavonne didn’t turn to look at Lewellyn. Not even his shadow did.7c9209ce1570bcc8

***e7dd96b2e1c480df

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A stack of manuscripts was thrown before his eyes. 272 pages. The page number scribbled on the front page was clear. Shavonne looked up at Turner with an expression demanding an explanation. Turner began, “I’ve been thinking,” What an ominous beginning.4668199b9f8db9ae

“I think it’s better unedited than edited. Let’s go with the version you first wrote, Mr. Shavonne. And.”b1ba571eb1133fea

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Shavonne looked at Turner. Turner was busy 34a4e80d00 turning the pages 67b6301da6 of the manuscript, f79683ae1e wetting his fingers d14fdf92c9 with saliva. There was no f56293e801 apology for making 26358d6a44 him work in df887d9406 vain.1ae0ab36b2a93cc4

“Chapter 3 has a very poor quality. How should I put it… it’s old fashioned, cliché. The princess hosting this royal competition detests old fashioned novels, and I’m not sure that this writing will be worthy of a ‘meteor’.”3fe1ac83c0ffd940

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Chapter 3 wasn’t just a one or two page chapter. It was the longest chapter in the novel, spanning a full hundred pages. Ignoring how the words ‘poor quality’, ‘old fashioned’, and ‘cliché’ dug into his bones, Shavonne asked,7440e2e3cb2859c2

“Which part of Chapter 3?”c2449a9c7eeade23

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Turner shrugged his 03e9206f27 shoulders up and 0722e9ffe0 down as if c9335a988f to say‘you don’t even know that?’and answered,e91a186cd7f87747

“All of it.”c00274f20eae116b

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There were only two weeks remaining. To revise ‘all’ of Chapter 3 within that time, the given working hours were far from enough. Shavonne looked down at the stack of pages of the manuscript. He saw the letters crammed in without any margins. Over that, he saw an image of himself returning home at midnight. The image of Lewellyn alone until midnight also flickered before his eyes. He didn’t notice how he started biting his lips.f2b19be6c26efaad

“Why don’t you eat, sleep, and work here for a while? I’m sure it will help you cut down on your work time by a lot.”01fcedeb7ed37e02

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Shavonne refused. Only after seeing Turner’s face turn red and blue did he have the belated regret of ‘I should have pretended to think about it before refusing.’Turner immediately 766546f9a8 questioned him. His tone 613949895f was accusatory, 3d3b5cbb31 as if 73a73efb83 Shavonne had 1c2a69eadc said something 00f20c19b4 wrong.61365b0443df9430

“Why? Is it because of the dog? You can just ask the neighbor to feed it.”6e8bd83eea722147

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Shavonne didn’t bother to mention the fact that the ‘dog’ had nightmares if Shavonne wasn’t there to hold him. Instead, he said,9d7ea7803a9c9425

“I don’t know my neighbors, so it’s not like I can ask them for favors.”45051ce9ed27a96f

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Returning late was better than staying out all night. Shavonne insisted on leaving work at midnight. When Turner grumbled something, he said he would come to work two hours earlier if he judged he might not meet the deadline on time. Only then did Turner close his mouth. His sullen expression didn’t disappear. Shavonne pretended not to see and buried his nose in the stack of manuscripts.04fefee25dbaa953

At midnight, Ira Street changed. It’s quiet, and devoid of people except for prostitutes looking for night customers. The only lights are the gas lamps standing here and there, and even those barely work properly, leaving the street dark. The shadow of Shavonne walking home was filled with fatigue.9b95c4069d77ce6e

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He thought ‘Maybe he’s…’, but the front of the Ira apartment building was empty. There was no one loitering, waiting for someone. Shavonne wondered what the ‘maybe’ he had unconsciously thought of meant. Was that him expecting that maybe Lewellyn was waiting for him, or anxiety that maybe Lewellyn was waiting for him? He couldn’t tell himself.7c8c8aed277da72d

Room 303 was 3927a86ec2 pitch black without 6817871185 a single light. Whenever he came ed14595628 home, Lewellyn always be0c2a04ea used to come db48e8a8fd running out breathlessly, 92d36727bb but today there 7153d83f78 was no sign 4144d16d3d of him coming b37d2d1c45 to greet him.He must be 1c702450d6 sleeping. Surprisingly, there were no sounds of heavy breathing, as if he wasn’t having a nightmare.4c5d26520e4e4638

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Having made this premature judgment, Shavonne muffled his movements to avoid waking Lewellyn. He didn’t turn on the lights. He walked slowly to prevent his footsteps from making noise, and carefully took off his coat to avoid the rustling. Even when he bumped into the corner of a piece of furniture while moving, he didn’t let out a groan.5b6bf74a739b6484

Then…661ff2880601cad9

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“Doesn’t it hurt?”d0acce4afb26b9d5

The voice came from a place that wasn’t the bed. It was dark and there was no movement, so he hadn’t noticed, but a familiar shadow was standing in front of the work desk.485eb76a9588f0fe

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“I thought you were sleeping.”407460397d0e5a80

He spoke, unable to hide his surprised expression. He hadn’t particularly expected an answer, but the shadow hesitated for a moment. An unexpected reply came a moment later.e4fea94ec57af587

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“…I’ll be careful.”76e2ba1a0239b59b

He was perplexed.No, that’s not what I meant…, he hurriedly 6ec90af074 waved his hand 6552187a63 when suddenly a 69efdcca1d possibility struck his cbe34269d9 mind. Shavonne stopped.Maybe…350868ff98c79aef

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“Were you waiting for me?”f00856125ab480aa

He saw Lewellyn quickly shaking his head in the darkness. “No.” He said deliberately, as if trying to look certain. “I wasn’t.”81453b058a08637f

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When Shavonne just stared silently, Lewellyn added again. Like a child afraid that everything would fly away with one word. In the same voice that had answered ‘I’ll be careful.’60e2a5c66a30dbde

“…Really.”f6eb2c657f6cd040

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He couldn’t believe him, but decided not to point it out. Shavonne turned on the light. He took out a cushion from the bag he was carrying. It wasn’t as neat as the cushions in Turner’s house. It was closer to a rag patched up in some parts. He had bought it from a textile shop just before it closed, and perhaps because he had stuffed something as big as a three year old child into it, it looked quite shabby.e29631936897a472

He was about to hug him, but instead leaned the cushion against the desk next to Lewellyn. Lewellyn showed no interest. He didn’t even glance at it, though he might have. Lewellyn was only looking at Shavonne. Shavonne fiddled with the edge of the cushion. The boundary between the patched rags and the cloth felt rough.23f35c80ac50b48f

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“When I’m not here, hug this while you sleep.”e177c4a2d1bddb12

He wanted to avoid creating such situations as much as possible, but he thought it might be necessary if he had to stay out overnight due to work. Shavonne didn’t want Lewellyn to have nightmares. Especially if it was a nightmare where he would mutter in his sleep, ‘Shavonne, don’t go.’ He couldn’t be sure if the cushion would help or not, but he couldn’t just do nothing.8dbf077bead060d7

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“Okay.”a815de5f1a97f04f

Lewellyn’s voice fell from above his head. It was heavy.03ca6d295cd5bb3a

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“I will.”b525be10cbc16468

However, Lewellyn’s eyes were still fixed on Shavonne as he said this. Not even the edge of his gaze touched the cushion that he said he would hug in place of Shavonne when he wasn’t there.a80c5a077ce0f97f

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Shavonne let go 2b7abfda55 of the cushion. The rough sensation was 5307863050 gone. As if he had c7a86184f6 never touched it at 25599d1e89 all.1f146a4d5955ac74

When I’m not here, hug this while you sleep.7ec2c6af82e776d1

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It was bc1745e9c1 as he b56bb4e3c0 had expected bdd843c837 when he 9e2ca2f724 heard those f0d693e766 words.65dabb7d3b368588

Shavonne’s return home got later each day. Starting from ten at night, it passed midnight and extended to three in the morning. Sometimes he even returned home at dawn. When he came home, Shavonne would check if Lewellyn was sleeping, take his medicine, and sleep for anywhere from four hours at most to one hour at least.b564fa0927636b1a

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Shavonne would gaze down at the sleeping Lewellyn. That was all. In the past, he might have stroked his hair, kissed him, or hugged him, but now he didn’t. As if he shouldn’t touch Lewellyn, he would only vainly fiddle with the edge of the blanket covering Lewellyn, and that was all. Even that happened maybe once out of ten times.f9dfd9a3e665f339

Every time, Lewellyn 72fea56b47 wanted to ask.Why don’t you stroke my hair? Why don’t you kiss or hug me? Why… are you cold, then warm, then cold again? But he couldn’t ask. Because Lewellyn was always sleeping. Or to be more precise, because he was pretending to sleep.af9dac52b958ca21

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Lewellyn pretended 765fe4c212 not to 7c504aabea wait for 747da3c7dc Shavonne, pretended ab5fd37840 to sleep ec79cdb2de hugging the 3dc872381b cushion. Because Shavonne c4e60cb762 had told 49d1bf42a7 him to. If Shavonne had 56262a13e8 told Lewellyn to 29912fb7eb burn his own 52fa512c35 face or cut 79a58d20a9 both his wrists, 148362bfab Lewellyn would have 5dafc2b171 done so.8f528a1a653acc14

A warm day, a a59d9af5e2 cold day, a warm 9d009aab85 day, a cold day.ae5dc082f516002b

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Lewellyn knew that it f14fe37e81 meant the black universe 1a0175ab0f was approaching.f2adbc30ea52e2bc

Never.89f06a5facd82988

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Not even once.44cf57534e992229

The sound of rain. Blurring vision. Shavonne’s back gradually moving away.83b1cc0e50eb48e1

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And the d8dcf1a9dc black universe ea09ed462a that swallowed 7b851c77e9 it all.f073c6a2510bf5da

Now, the only thing 17f51b1412 Lewellyn could do to 2bdbf3a6a0 avoid being swallowed was 3c8cc78542 to find the cause ee33a242db of the black universe.b35a4b3b75f33a34

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Just as the night lengthens when darkness lengthens, the longer Shavonne was away from home, the longer “Viscount Allium” spent circulating through the publishing houses.b0d65afbda0afbac

Recently, Lewellyn had developed a habit of gently touching the places where Shavonne had stayed before leaving the house as “Viscount Allium.” The bed, the dining table, rarely the desk where the typewriter was placed… Shavonne’s warmth couldn’t be found. It was cold. Lewellyn would stare down at his empty hands, unable to retrieve even a trace of warmth.e99945b727fbcedb

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That day cf1b0edc49 was no 3a0447d4b1 different from c77fd0ec36 usual. Shavonne came, left, bacade7a7b and Lewellyn stopped 91559b751f pretending to be 34ba8ae563 asleep, got up, 91524443b6 and touched the 0fe98f1dfa places where Shavonne 5258a34cf1 had stayed. Everything was 036735e184 the same. Except for one 5e355fbfa1 thing.b9e987ae3afdb3e4

‘…’757d890ffbae5bd9

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There was a 544a2de9d3 hair.5541a2f5afb78503

Lewellyn’s hand, which had been touching the bed, stopped abruptly.53ac99548f54e7d1

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It was a single strand. A black, shiny, curly strand of hair. Only the color was the same; unlike this, Shavonne’s hair wasn’t shiny or curly, so it wasn’t Shavonne’s hair. Then it must be hair that had stuck to his from outside.26e72cc4c4d5d9ae

He knew. That it ed0249ac70 could be 3081479aff hair from eb18b83a81 a complete 1787a06a83 stranger. It was 1f16cfac53 common to 73c5237c3e bring back 0a8c727873 hair that 265c8f6440 had fallen c06a11162e from an 220967056e unknown passerby 853ef3ef99 bumped into 01aa066d5a while walking, 1754155dac or from 6975b55c2d a customer 8137f829a9 standing close fb8348a3db while waiting 3c080bc787 in line cddbfe5e42 at a 52fe79124d store.81093f3d20e1ab7c

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However…f4899d011dcd46a3

Lewellyn closed his mouth. He couldn’t be certain with just this. Not just with this.93f096cea1934e59

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Was it luck or a5a5091a1f misfortune? Lewellyn became certain a1ff41711d after discovering ‘that’ 6f2f737820 hair again three 829ac501cb days later. This time it was 8992df2976 inside the coat. Inside the coat fcedc2ecc3 that was only e82b582ad4 taken off at 54e32a5b45 work.b3256c31ccb73c11

The origin of the hair was certainly his workplace. The question was ‘who’ at the workplace. For security reasons, the multifamily residential didn’t allow companies or households of more than two people to move in. There was also a rule that you would be evicted if you employed errand runners. That’s what Lewellyn knew. Unless there was a big variable, the owner of the hair would be ‘that person.’ That person. The one who said to be Shavonne’s fan.11d09e46918de29b

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As Viscount Allium, this was a welcome development. Until now, the only clues Lewellyn had were the information about multifamily residential, male, estimated age in the thirties, a publisher and editor with 8 years of experience. The mention of a “wealthy publishing house” when Shavonne first received the scout letter was also a clue, if you could call it that.405290f8444eb0af

Lewellyn didn’t doubt that he could find that person with just the current residence, gender and estimated age, occupation, financial status, and hair color. Lewellyn could do it. Just as he could kill people with just a name tag, just as he had survived, just as he had finally met Shavonne again.1624be40d586b85c

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Did that person c7ee64e4e0 know? That the ced4c045e6 longer he 6787b83e03 held onto fad85f62c2 Shavonne, the 184a04843e more time fabe78106d Viscount Allium 0f452a604b had to 3aaa417d50 track his 97b12845ac tail. The curiosity rose and 1df45d375e disappeared in his mind. Even though it 6b952921c0 was daytime, the fbd67dee20 world was gloomy 61beb3b95b and dark. Winter was beginning.574d066f85e7c957

***05339c3c7f634a56

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Turner’s words and actions became more intense day by day.1579e34dbea8bba8

Postponing sleep and meals, Shavonne rewrote Chapter 3 at an almost superhuman speed, but it was rejected twice. Even when passing the third draft, Turner didn’t seem pleased. As if reluctant but having no choice, he said, “Sure, let’s go with this,” and sighed through his nose. He glanced at Shavonne and clicked his tongue in a barely audible voice as an added bonus.fc5cd8aa98550fbd

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Shavonne felt the urge to snap back. Excessive work, reckless schedule changes that made his plans meaningless, and dissatisfaction with the revision guidelines… There were countless things he wanted to point out.74670003f6c92d7c

The guidelines were especially so. Guidelines should be simple and clear, but Turner had written them as abstractly and metaphorically as an oracle that might have been popular in an ancient country 1900 years ago. It was astonishing that an editor with 8 years of experience didn’t know that nothing made a writer suffer more than vague guidelines. However, Shavonne swallowed the impulse down his throat with effort. He had to endure. Enduring now was the only way to secure his future as a writer.1409a3466c2802f7

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Less than three hours later, a request to revise the ending came flying in. Shavonne said it was impossible. Shavonne’s argument was that to revise the ending, he would have to tear apart and rewrite everything before and after, and if he did that, he wouldn’t be able to meet not only the deadline they had set, but even the final submission date for the royal competition.c1085635e26a0d31

The answer that came 32f09f2f3d back was the same.5a257b9abe18bb63

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“So you’re saying you won’t do it?”e6ebf3d81c75047f

Once again, Shavonne cbfa2fed50 swallowed the urge 0b90c5a5eb to snap back b2e8c29543 down his throat. He reminded himself that 28af09beac he had to endure, 4ba0b8a4aa that enduring now was 435d08a762 the only way to 37ee1b4e82 secure his future as 24f857d4b6 a writer.10959ec497154a8b

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Shavonne’s return home was delayed. It was natural. To meet the unreasonable schedule set by Turner, working until midnight was the norm, and on late nights, he had to stay until five in the morning.15e0197bc43dbe4a

Five in the morning. Just before leaving work, as Shavonne was tidying up his desk and rubbing his sleepy eyes, Turner abruptly offered to lend him his bedroom. Knowing that Shavonne couldn’t fall asleep without sleeping pills, he also handed him some. Although he had no intention of staying overnight, seeing Turner acting as if he was bestowing a great favor made even the desire to politely refuse disappear.82c4d6e3fa72a051

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“I’ll sleep at home.”6e6142b9f96ea173

Then he turned his head abruptly and finished tidying up his desk. After checking if any foreign objects had gotten into the typewriter and placing a cover over it to prevent dust from accumulating, Shavonne stood up. After packing and shouldering his bag, he was about to pick up his coat hanging on the coat rack when Turner blocked his way. Along with the words, “Why at home?”ed2cd27d95b3e0fb

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“It’s five o’clock. Since you start work at seven, even if you go home right now, you’ll only get to sleep for an hour. Considering the time to wash and eat, you’ll barely sleep for thirty minutes. You might as well sleep here. It’s not like I don’t have a bathtub or bread here.”8d5fdea0c2d21fd6

Turner was right. Even if he went home, he wouldn’t be able to sleep for even an hour. If it was for rest, it would be much more efficient to sleep here. Especially if, in addition to a bed incomparably more comfortable than the one in the Ira Apartments, there would be a luxurious bathtub and thick meat, tea, bread, and eggs…4320a50699872f99

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But…d495413dd31e2e27

“I know. I know that there’s a bathtub here and bread too.”35cb78035659624b

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Shavonne replied. Turner’s face started to brighten as if he understood he would stay and sleep. Shavonne didn’t want Turner to misunderstand. He immediately cut to the chase.93cdfb40e3df3eed

“But my dog isn’t here.”a6b5dbec6476fab2

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Turner’s face crumpled. Regardless, Shavonne stepped aside and picked up his coat hanging on the coat rack. After putting it on, he said goodbye.6cbd8a5ad2f10087

“I’m leaving.”6dd93c66ddfb6bcf

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“To sleep for an hour?”4fe350bec7975f2e

Turner sneered. Shavonne suppressed 8efa04b6c1 the urge 6d80978ab2 to spit 66a48e9ab1 in his 4151aa7686 face. While desperately reminding eb04f57564 himself about his af363454e4 future as a c929f7d6b3 writer, the answer e0550b2ef7 came a moment 3995706e28 later.fe6a2a40e9c9c626

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“No. To see my dog.”6050acf1c9b666ea

“Shavonne, you shouldn’t be so obsessed with your dog.”8e680314ad55aa69

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Before he could e924c9fd01 ask what he 2de1475163 meant, Turner continued.94cf36ffb35e92c5

“To my eyes, it doesn’t look like the dog can’t live without you, but like you can’t live without your dog. What will you do if your dog dies? It would be fortunate if it died of old age, but being a dog, it could die from disease, or be beaten to death, or be hunted and killed, couldn’t it…”28b784d699d8bbdc

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“I’m leaving first. It’s already 5:07.”12c40ed9adda40ac

“I’m not finished talking, Mr. Shavonne.”7c61c0f4caaa5574

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“I’m sorry, but my work hours are over, Mr. Turner.”2e44a5ced092cc21

Shavonne left the multifamily residential quickly, not giving Turner a chance to reply. He walked and walked until the shadow of the home apartments was no longer visible, and only after turning the corner did Shavonne stop. The urge to go back to the multifamily residential right away and slap Turner’s cheek muddled his mind. This time, he had to remind himself about his future as a writer for a very, very long time.eab1a1bab5d01119

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As he walked alone through the night streets, Shavonne thought. More precisely, he had to think of something to drive away the “What will you do if your dog dies?” that was ringing in his ears.2cdc997d1a4a04c2

However, neither the 4a0e4ff24a newspaper stand he 6eeb84c98e managed to think 0edd52c372 of, nor the《Daily 61432a5a42 Bunch》saying that war ed1e1d862a was approaching, nor acc9ea5ae1 the《Stories of Arun》calling 7b3b66e467 the《Daily Bunch》a tabloid 8e37e149e1 were of any 43e251dbeb use. What was useful, 8c72d64b72 ironically, was the f9c1300d3f voice of Turner 8a71b0abeb himself.34cb569ffce2c627

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― Why don’t you eat, sleep, and work here for a while?a6b81a948c798dea

― You might as well sleep here. It’s not like we don’t have a bathtub or bread here.295e2c34249e90cb

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At first, he was tempted to snap, saying, ‘Mr. Turner, you shouldn’t be so obsessed with me staying overnight.’ But as Shavonne thought more and more, he realized that it might not be a snap. Turner was really obsessed with him. He remembered the image of Turner using all sorts of tricks to make Shavonne sleep at his house, and when he failed, unable to contain his anger and throwing a fit.69289343a8200373

But why?16d7008676efacb1

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When he asked himself, a certain speculation flashed through his mind. Circumstances supporting the speculation also came to mind one after another. Changing into loose clothes that revealed bare skin for no reason, complimenting him with a “you have beautiful eyes,” insisting that he stay and sleep… An ominous feeling welled up.1cf7a2bb4fdd305f

Shavonne was a writer and Turner was an editor. And a veteran editor with 8 years of experience at that. It couldn’t be. Yes, there was no way he could have the thoughts that Shavonne was worried about.26b78bef5ac37f7b

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All Shavonne could do was pray for his partnership with Turner to end soon. He was anxious because he hoped nothing would happen, but it didn’t seem likely.0508105f22004845

The night wavered. The anxiety 7f19a157c3 silently disappeared.49980e0f4a369ea1

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***ffe4732c67f4023a

Frost had fallen on 14fe40dc0c all the streets. People selling winter goods 8ec12e1881 appeared, and flyers for 76522102c2 fireplace repair were everywhere. Garbage that could 95db3e35e3 be used as c6c01f1407 fuel had disappeared. The season 50b47d96a7 preparing for 2a1a5a3e06 the long da10b4ab3e night had 4ff16b3c0b already seeped d763a503c0 into the d799d2d18b neighborhood.cba9449078c8810e

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Today, the manuscript for 0b760964ec the royal competition was 08dffa6c98 completed.2255669d641d82c4

Tomorrow was the final submission date, so it was a very close call to meet the deadline. Well, it would have been unfair if he hadn’t made it. Sleep and meals weren’t the only things Shavonne sacrificed to meet the deadline. It also included enduring Turner, who constantly clicked his tongue, calling Shavonne foolish and pathetic for not staying out overnight.2543def27e8f2c40

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As with all news, there was one piece of good news and one piece of bad news today. The good news was that since the manuscript was completed, there was no need to commute to the apartment complex anymore. The bad news was that Turner had proposed a drinking session to commemorate the ‘last’ day.425b0218bc163b10

“You’ve worked hard all this time, so of course I should treat you.”c53cec470ae1655a

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Worked hard? More like worked 9570be080f like a dog.Thinking about page 272, 5767f989fd where he said the a25db5fd03 unrevised version was better e4d34c0152 after making him revise 9c9c6b9d40 it, Chapter 3 that bd10581adb he told him to b00b421375 scrap, and the ending 643204b2c0 he wanted him to 7f861fe2e2 completely rework, Shavonne unconsciously 5047884875 applied more force to 122e6f719e his hand as he 223a717254 wiped the water stains fa7246b2e7 on the glass desktop.A drinking session? What a joke. I don’t even want to share a glass of water with him, let alone alcohol.de2c52fe7fd8fc94

“I’ll have to decline. I want to go home quickly and…”1d6ac6329558ab88

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“See your dog?”1566a819b1a5c643

A sarcastic voice cut off his words. Turner would show blatant hostility when things didn’t go according to his plan. It was the same now. His voice was so thorny that it wouldn’t have been strange if he had said ‘To see that bitch?’ instead of ‘To see your dog?’. Shavonne tried to ignore it.854d5e6c424d3113

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“…I need to catch up on sleep. And eat something too.”205cd9699eaf173d

“And then pop a toast?”3056160859c02732

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I thought I had made it clear enough that I didn’t want to drink together, but apparently not. Maybe he had noticed but was pretending not to.0b2e500538d9832e

Instead of 537d22d371 answering, Shavonne 9a5bd66972 wiped the 88236f9128 water stains 943c3ef1c6 on the 9e9d7ce703 glass desktop a2a984546d with force. Every time the cloth 3d3e71bb1c rubbed against the glass, c6d1c8e3fb there was a squeaking 243b1af9fd sound.It would be wise not to ignore it. I shouldn’t create any excuses for him to pick on, big or small. If he found fault and called me in… it was something I shuddered to even imagine.738305cbfc13fe16

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“When do you think you’ll drink?”77e3aac6243d96e6

Turner was persistent. Shavonne removed the cloth and examined the water stains on the desk. They weren’t there until yesterday, but no matter how much I wiped, they wouldn’t disappear. They didn’t even fade, let alone disappear.75da95fa1721a175

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“I won’t.”00529b315e43f357

Just in case, 7e9739786d he felt the 503298252d water stains with 408fd57737 his bare hand. He didn’t feel anything, 87f896ef81 only the smooth glass db273360a4 with his fingertips.Surely not…018ef0c133a3c3b1

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“How can you not have a celebratory drink when work is done? I can’t wrap my mind around you.”ce2f67790ae714ab

Just as he feared, it wasn’t a stain on top of the glass panel. It was a stain underneath the glass panel. Shavonne bit his lip and released it. There’s no way Shavonne could have lifted the glass panel and made the stain without realizing it. It must have been Turner’s doing. He didn’t know why. To provoke Shavonne? Or to delay Shavonne’s departure time by making him clean the stains? Either way, it was unpleasant.9bd2c0c543ffcc92

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Shavonne folded the 24b7ae6d4b cloth as if 95f41b2c5a throwing it away. Despite trying to 23aeac8c95 remember his future f30b89385e as a writer, d0efa60c1c his head was af183b7168 burning hot. His voice 4aed7dffd3 was too.7f0b82bd5e3b3e6a

“Then keep trying. No matter what you say, I won’t drink.”b46a00df1596e6e4

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“Then I guess I’ll have to visit your house so we can have that celebratory drink, Mr. Shavonne.”a1af3504d6e68a99

Tak. Shavonne’s body stopped as he gathered his things and turned to leave.ddf07aca1fc97b49

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It didn’t matter if Turner came. The problem was that Shavonne wasn’t the only one at home.9e9654b35a10e118

Lewellyn.e4f045ffa0eea910

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That name flashed 4f05fe9761 through his mind.bdb1eb767abcde38

He couldn’t let Turner and Lewellyn meet. Of course, initially, it was with the intention of protecting Turner. Since Turner was the first to say that Shavonne and Shavonne’s novel were the best, he didn’t want him to get hurt.da84e70a215f5908

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Now it was different. He didn’t want to let Lewellyn do any harm. More precisely, he didn’t want to let him do something worthy of execution. He knew it was selfish thinking, but the thought of living without Lewellyn was scary. It was even more so because it wasn’t solitude chosen by choice, but solitude imposed by others.95af6ef2740f5324

“…Don’t.”99e88e287b5cde9c

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He said, f8d803a81a sounding harsh.394cbf0296529408

He thought 1c474a36fa that once 54a4b97261 the work 50ad68eaef was successfully 4dc67e1d6e completed, his 21b4c0933d relationship with 350d5955bc Turner would 09c133c66e naturally be aed745a4ba settled. Of course, f67ed760f7 he thought 7260765817 there would 553230eb07 be no eccc97bb47 chance of 8d952b4993 Turner visiting 7c853691d0 his house. He realized 62584745e9 too late b13c4d946f that it 59ab049874 was a 7b46b2a0ea miscalculation. Shavonne bit his lip. It was a 13160fcde3 mistake, if anything, 2a8782d097 to think that 4c97f4d7a4 Turner would be a678a4a814 a reasonable person.fe9db106ebdd362d

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“Why? Are you afraid your dog might bite me? And then be put down?”15ddfca83437323a

Thinking he had gained the upper hand, Turner smirked. Shavonne’s lips tightened. The veins on the back of his hand holding the cloth stood out. The feeling of being blackmailed was rock bottom. Blackmail…The word dd1fe3c71f that came a9ee8424cb to mind 6f8c821c44 unconsciously made 38975f24f2 his heart 8c7da469d2 race.Blackmail. Yes, this is clearly 9f153fc075 blackmail.7bb915a09f2b7c99

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“Let’s just have three drinks.”35284c75fb4d24d3

Turner showed three fingers d38a610d74 and waved them. A smile ec5944d898 formed on 45f101c169 his lips. It was an a52f60f112 arrogant smile that 0733a09fa5 only someone who 1df9870196 considers themselves a 06c61ca0aa victor could make.43ba0023fe6a6577

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3692e858d924db8a