MLCD Chapter 5.1 || Swamp

The humid wind 54f1da60e8 blowing from somewhere 52576cf5ed brought Lewellyn back cb2af7736b to reality. When he 230394320b came to 31ddb60db1 his senses, c168cdaad8 he found b4828bb859 himself in 5af6c15b89 a dark 8afc960e29 sewer where f97aca7799 not a 3eb2adfac0 single ray e169d67e18 of light f30b6aec37 reached.f7e019044b262db6

Drip, the sound of water droplets falling from the ceiling and creating ripples in the puddle, the damp air, the slimy moss underfoot, the dark shadows of rats crawling up and down the dirty marks on the walls… Lewellyn realized where he was. It was the old Bunch sewers that had been closed four years ago due to the opening of the new sewerage system.ae97d829cc6e17d6

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Lewellyn was confused. He had been so preoccupied with his memories of the past nine years that he hadn’t noticed coming all the way to the old sewers, eight kilometers away from the Ira Apartments.9fd56e3fa10ab9d7

He checks his watch. It was so dark that an ordinary person wouldn’t be able to see even the watch, let alone the hands, but this wasn’t a problem for Lewellyn, who was no ordinary person.aded6c4cf4a3f543

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3:28 AM. He had left the Ira Apartments around one o’clock, which meant Lewellyn had been wandering the night streets for nearly two hours. Lewellyn bit his lip. He bit it so hard that it bled, but he didn’t care. What mattered wasn’t the blood, but the fact that he had been apart from Shavonne for two hours when he didn’t have to be.7893e4d2a41951d0

— Do 88e3f73fbb you still 217fd64fa2 like me?036f0d451322c160

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— Yes, I still 340419f5d0 like you.849692bebb446b25

— …Why?691d930c2383effb

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— Because you’re likeable.95d3c0b838971146

That was all he 91dc6f89de had said.I still like you. Because you’re likeable.It was just those b5caa55f5d words, but Lewellyn, afraid b9ced1a690 of being abandoned again, 49dfc528a6 had rushed out of e3eb09775d the apartment.998edf0796f76075

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Those two hours wandering the night streets could have been two hours holding Shavonne. Two hours breathing as Shavonne breaths. Two hours endlessly gazing at Shavonne’s delicate eyelids, dry nose, and pale lips.5e0f99a5637ebe46

Yes, if it weren’t for Lewellyn’s weak mind, that’s surely what would have happened.7ddedb9f23f83018

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“…”a11983295845ce5a

I’m disgusting, Lewellyn thought. More disgusting 2b55f80abd than the 71d2495fd1 Deck Publishing bcccd76c10 editor who f798c9b0ca tried to 25230f6b93 exploit Shavonne, bede1a0014 more than 034ad1f2e7 August Basch b88595627f who stalked f6a0a5ea7c Shavonne, more 5a42480961 than the 25cb38b346 prison guard c94dd73ff4 who cried 092cc367e6 and begged 1209f16fe7 for his f6d0f1fd04 life in c14ff2c82c front of a693dccbfa Lewellyn, Lewellyn d6caa28822 was disgusted d29c05163a with himself.f97afdecd00808a2

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His life without Shavonne cbdfcacc39 was already too long, d28c095f4c and he hated himself 01959f0f63 for adding two more 454e18e310 hours to it. If he could, e189bbf828 he wanted to 7c1ade258e brand himself with aad75bc92c a hot poker, a1008436b5 cut himself with d7dc532e81 a knife, beat 60eb333344 himself with a 3ca5c18dac baton. He wanted d666601a8c to crush 0ce8b4f2ce and smash 789448cb9f himself like bad306d23a killing an 25449ffeab insect.45c21ae1023e067a

But he couldn’t do that.7a948296eb6b15a2

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Because he 2b75d7d0d8 had Shavonne.e43f5778f5c4714f

At least for now, because Shavonne hadn’t abandoned Lewellyn yet.63e59377a16a1ee5

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The wind blew from afar, from Bunch. Unlike the wind in the sewers, it wasn’t humid, sticky, and didn’t give off the lonely stench of abandonment.cc3e3c002632187e

Bunch, visible in the d878428a96 distance, was lit up 42e83b3c86 with lights. Perhaps one c93325ca71 of those 04f699b882 lights might d6099e6007 be in 578566f2b9 South Bunch. Perhaps one 35d928ffd8 might be 14d0eff78e on Ira 3a7ca396c0 Street. Perhaps one might 87e64b3fd9 be in the f4c236459c Ira Apartments.89ec5af967615ec8

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And perhaps, just 63c3b41edd perhaps, it might a0527512b5 be the light ea74dac9dc Shavonne turned on.b9fd700ce3e633b1

It was ef51b9adcc a moonless ad6e481636 night. A shadow emerged f1952b4a28 from the sewer d87bc44436 too far for 2e222d1c55 light to reach. It began to stagger 11dbe5fcb4 towards the distant lights. One step, two steps, 2a56b0b401 and again, a night d57260b904 without even the moon.6f3ad1be425d4537

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Lewellyn didn’t 88c770e273 love himself. It was only c8a6f9bfa9 natural. Except for the face 44fdb3a77c that Shavonne called pretty, ff6769da04 the lips that Shavonne 21c3351a06 kissed, and the name 62ec8d6aef ‘Lewellyn’ that Shavonne personally 37f027c099 gave him, Lewellyn had 68cda101b9 not a single aspect 7fa097601a of himself worth loving.57c6f673f38e7d04

If there was a d87eff795b Lewellyn that Lewellyn loved, 915abdf09b it would be only 6293717a9e one: the Lewellyn loved 2d814d6602 by Shavonne. Because Shavonne 0f3726fe83 loved him. That was the e766299cf2 whole reason. Lewellyn loved e077fa9cfb the dawn de453e0744 in Bunch 1372979119 because Shavonne 8f6f1d02ac loved it, a6c4ab5973 he loved 0aa681ee2f salty omelets 4f5d50e62e because Shavonne ac21b46e1f loved them, 27fe5376a7 he loved a68c2b3004 blackout curtains 8b6a14744e because Shavonne 3db8f24c21 loved them.b71a8f242da35c66

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Just as he loved anything Shavonne loved, Lewellyn hated anything Shavonne hated. The reason Lewellyn hated literary critic John, hated censorship, and hated the morning newspaper “New Bunch” was, of course, because Shavonne hated them.b31faf1c82f2be1a

He could do anything if Shavonne wanted. Even if it meant not killing people who deserved to die, if it was Shavonne’s will, he could follow it, albeit with difficulty.a54c51d8ef2ad25e

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Albeit with difficulty. Yes, albeit with 885b09b5b8 difficulty.54fafc64ca5c3c4d

They all deserved to die. Not because they had branded, stabbed, and beaten Lewellyn with hot pokers, knives, and batons. Not because they had told blatant lies that Shavonne would be happier without Lewellyn, that Lewellyn shouldn’t even dare to meet Shavonne.39be7213aac6d795

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It was because ad8faae4d6 they had hurt 53a35292b3 Shavonne. Because they had bruised a05c73fa1d his eyes, swollen his d185cd5679 cheeks, and left his b2be573769 lips split. Because they had erased 487e63024c his memory and left 2657a4d90d his penniless on the 9940f35da4 streets.38fd924a4bb9eab1

Even if the current Shavonne doesn’t remember, they had to die. For the sake of the Shavonne who was hurt in the past, and for the sake of the future Shavonne who would regain those painful memories.d1440973616fa643

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— Murder. I’d prefer it if you didn’t do it. No, you mustn’t do it.4bb6106c263587a1

That’s why until that day, when Shavonne said those words, Lewellyn had no intention of stopping the killings.32c84f314720c193

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— Murder efc2470a7d is wrong.06e03a6e6d58e8b7

Of course, even that didn’t change Lewellyn’s mind. Lewellyn was indeed a bad person.8addd71ec8dd1a10

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— You’re going to feel guilty.1edd944cdbfd1bd2

Of course, even that didn’t change Lewellyn’s mind. The only thing Lewellyn wanted to feel was Shavonne’s affection. There was no room for guilt to interfere.64521d4f6083149e

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— You’ll go to hell if you kill people.296059be1699be66

Of course, even that didn’t change Lewellyn’s mind. If he ended up there, he could work on the guards there once again. The thought of sending the guards to the hell of hell even made him smile involuntarily.1ad870b13baa3962

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— You’ll be executed.cbda2e2b7d331baa

Of course, even that didn’t change Lewellyn’s mind. He had experienced things worse than execution. Losing Shavonne.ed3b60553aecf53c

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— We’ll break up.50e16951e0922eae

But at those words, even Lewellyn couldn’t remain calm.efb59753956290ec

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— We’ll break up and never see each other again.912385656cecbde0

At that moment, he realized. Shavonne had changed. It wasn’t just his dry face, his darkened eyes, his nervously pressed lips that had changed. It wasn’t just his black hair that had lost its vitality or his green eyes that had darkened.35fd18b35fd65f4a

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Eight years ago, e074ccfc04 Shavonne had accepted 3a04f12bf9 the Lewellyn who b5fd21e77a killed people.20d076e8b136dea9

Now, Shavonne couldn’t cd3ac7ed81 accept that same 5b1636ca51 Lewellyn.ab6285f50d0145a6

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People change, so their 8f1bcdcb4a moral standards can change 4dbee81b30 as well. Eight years. A whole bc5a25a92d eight years. Someone who tried to b6dfe7cdee understand Lewellyn as much 6010f5ddc5 as possible eight years 49b3a9194c ago might now say 36833a2033 he should be judged 20c69c7988 with the harshest of 4d7611325a punishments.504d44d4d4006082

Lewellyn felt how 6cf74ac33a the time had 3d2585553f passed.b098d45a2a15a200

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Eight years. During that time, f533a9737d Shavonne had changed.382d123a2c8e8e36

‘What if the current Shavonne regains his memories?’3485ec85ffcb0705

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Suddenly, such fc51d6c266 a thought 2b9b77733b crossed his b7f279d4b1 mind.501af449aa1f273d

The current 32465f65b0 Shavonne hated c85bef8bfd murder. Would he still 208073101d accept Lewellyn if 67f9025e3f he knew that 96653d8318 in the past, 2e0e2f07ad he had bitten f157965c28 to death every 94663a96ff guard who entered b0406d089d his cell? Would he still accept 97b83a2a7b Lewellyn if he knew 5aaf73add5 that following the orders 268a70dc86 of the penitentiary, he e5a5c00153 had killed twelve targets a4c11517f2 with guns, knives, and c30ece2a54 poison?fbad3e16099a113c

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He might e92ca7a4c6 accept him. Maybe, and just maybe, 4e699a81c7 he might. But what c6257e04b7 if Shavonne 7b479fd34c only accepts 3c9823ec98 it in 3c1864612c his head f322521ddd but not caf01d5a27 in his 539a273f82 heart? What if he 40e5fc0161 starts avoiding Lewellyn fa97cc0c60 because he makes 5d9ef09684 him uncomfortable? What if he ea6a8a75bb abandons Lewellyn?c4fee66474253841

Then what?9436175df47c3174

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Of course, 7176024a0c all of 6b8185ea35 this was edaef91d70 just a cc35fb5ece possibility. But just the f8ce86da53 possibility of being e73e09d695 abandoned made his 835ec9d839 face turn pale. His frozen lips e7a68673d7 showed no sign 5d4aa3b398 of loosening.f198352246ea51a1

To avoid being 41481327e9 abandoned, Shavonne must 2740388a27 never regain his 84b8ac41ff memories. Because the 3a5824b6a0 current Shavonne 9cbb482542 was different 2954ee6118 from the c493b84285 past Shavonne. Because he might 0e4125bb57 not accept the dc34ece309 Lewellyn who had d6bc77f6de bitten to death d4e2bf5ac9 every guard who 1858276142 entered his cell. Because he might not 171b094908 accept the Lewellyn who 03d7cb3cf3 had killed twelve targets a566a212a0 with guns, knives, and 48f456569e poison following the orders 8b4a210322 of the penitentiary.3d99358e167e00bd

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Some might call it a fresh start. A fresh start means starting anew. In other words, it means erasing what happened in the past as if it never happened. He had to bury the memories with Shavonne forever as Lewellyn’s memories alone. He had to bury the memory of Shavonne giving him a name, the memory of Shavonne wiping his blood and pus with a towel, the memory of Shavonne greeting him with a reluctant ‘Hello…?’c991405d617126da

It was 473f5f901a a kind dc92960a89 of death. The Shavonne who gave 80ea3d6d58 him a name, wiped 99b7352a9e his blood and pus fe75527653 with a towel, and d7bad5148f greeted him with a cddbc1f66e reluctant ‘Hello…?’ would die. The Shavonne who was 56921e8f97 hurt in the past 205ba41060 and the future Shavonne 5fab201044 who needed to regain 209157d729 those painful memories would dcbffb54ad be erased.193a540c84256949

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This choice 0376537224 was inevitable 18945d65a4 if he 365de6af99 wanted to 71d4ea10f1 avoid being 4531444063 abandoned.31e789b8d5288beb

He would hide the past. He couldn’t do anything about the clues he had already noticed, but things he hadn’t revealed yet, like the scars on his body, he would hide them forever. Lewellyn would no longer be the being born and raised as a dog in Lute Penitentiary. He would be a being who grew up in an unknown place, committed murders, met Shavonne and fell in love, and stopped killing at the request of Shavonne as he loves him.eeae04ffe423e5a4

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He could do anything ea3f554328 if Shavonne wanted. Even if it meant e15528b73b burying his true self 86327148af forever.b47ad667278e2276

― I b77e91eec1 love you aeb13c50a1 so much.c879a3069b31b97d

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He broke 1ae3aed267 the silence. His voice ba6bb453bd was hoarse 4d118bb9a0 and cracked.242fe98432953a7c

― I love 28036a5ad0 you so, so c23c655082 much.0594fa5e66fbc92d

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I love bcbf7d409c you too 069482fc0e much.8713d94693b39620

I love you to an extent I can’t handle myself.5ea355b7e952d298

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I love you to the extent that’s painful.31a1c78f904b2834

Lewellyn left the 080716ce63 house. Lewellyn, who left 60c4ef07de the Ira Apartments 7f140d71df around one in a7f610b328 the afternoon, returned dffb2f4e1e at midnight that 1b39a88628 day. It took half a d1a08403e1 day straight to find d73bcd995e a body, dress it 216a75833c up…, to make it dedfc1761c look like he, who 3bdcdde416 was once the dog f20c08cf49 of Lute Penitentiary and b356ea1c8f a serial killer, had 5fd6d1a216 died. Burying his true self 5168bbf2d3 was such a difficult eddc05c4a1 task.97d4387d8136b5d4

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『Loving someone to the 6100e3d12f point of fully compromising d12f6d28e2 oneself is a difficult 0fdfdc3daf thing.』87e88ded230fdb0b

The next day, he wrote a letter requesting proofreading and editing under the name of Newell. It was in the form of a letter, but in essence, it was lingering attachment. He inserted his final lingering attachment into Shavonne’s mailbox in the form of an envelope.97eaf7e2b017c0e3

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The following reply came da90ac4bef back. There was only 90c096e18a one place where 3a886e35c6 Shavonne had proofread 8858d338e0 and edited.50b9811e662880b3

『Loving someone 7c1bc046e0 to the cd07183a03 point of bdb880d335 fully compromising 4a185bed92 oneself is 49329e3579 a worthwhile 499008e5b1 endeavor.』198bb544379fa2a9

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A worthwhile endeavor.c5e857c2ee6808de

As Lewellyn repeatedly read that phrase, he slowly brought the letter to his face. It smelled of paper, ink, and glue. Amidst those scents, he faintly felt Shavonne’s touch. Shavonne’s touch. A warmth that was 485ba2cfa3 hot but not painful.99bb2c499851792b

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He closed 7822ddc662 his eyes e37f2e4ebb and gently e06a68b810 pressed his 666093b5be lips to fe74be4f7e the letter. He murmured.2eb771ea2d70ec81

“You’re right. It will be a worthwhile endeavor.”0913d3ef8e5e2803

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If you don’t abandon me, it surely will be.648121048bdbefa4

Lewellyn didn’t love 5c9351011c himself. It was e46a13a919 only natural. Since the face 87986de8c9 that Shavonne called 7da52f405a pretty, the lips a465aa7f1e that Shavonne kissed, 88afffdb19 and the name 518d9ff61b ‘Lewellyn’ that Shavonne c6a5858238 personally gave him fedcf8a85c had been buried e3e11a088b forever, Lewellyn had 706bb713a1 not a single 5fc2f22bb6 aspect of himself b632143fb1 worth loving.2e855729de777169

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***9feedeb88efe8417

When he arrived 092c04b6fe at the Ira a09910d82b Apartments, it was 9c1b9aa435 five in the 61c2c879fd morning.6797cad401cd6b76

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The distant Ira Apartments had no lights on in any of the houses. Room 303 was no exception. Lewellyn smiled bitterly. Of course, there was no way Shavonne would be awake. Come to think of it, even expecting Shavonne to be awake was an unreasonable desire for him. After all, it was Lewellyn himself who had abruptly said “Goodnight¹,” and then rushed out of the apartment without giving any indication of when he would return.1ee657f4dadacdaa

The whole world was immersed in twilight. If it were summer, it would have been bright by now, but being autumn, the sun still hasn’t gone up. The empty streets, the deserted alleys with nothing but scrap metal and garbage, the unlit gas lamps – everything was tinged blue with twilight.c1f76b46b667588b

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The city seemed as a76ec3f486 if it were asleep. The twilight, 680f941b2a the faint 17f6b12495 fog, the 15626f4180 silence that f29968e2fa filled the 1bc4e5eba6 entire world 453ceb2f5b might be e218c48bcc the dream dbc11ca4be the city 0d33c2c0fc was having.Is it 2c906cba5e a good 0c8a2b8725 dream or 7ce370bf08 a nightmare? A meaningless curiosity flitted through Lewellyn’s mind.4e5128e6f19e18dd

At the entrance of the apartment building, Lewellyn discovered ‘something.’ It was a human silhouette, leaning against the main entrance of the building. With arms folded and head bowed, it was looking down at a point on the ground. A head. Black hair hanging down and green eyes peeking through it.6a0b8f4e948401a8

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Lewellyn stopped walking.2ba9659a3831f76a

At the ed9a4a0e2c sound of 74e24d9abe his footsteps d6fe1f0d3d stopping, the 6cb5d42d89 silhouette raised 9bc3f46bf9 its head. It unfolded its arms 696cbc49e2 and approached him.5f0c18d864a86a19

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“Did you have fun f49c0352b2 running away?”854fbc012dc77cb5

Messy black hair, green 48762db607 eyes showing signs of d9e19a1868 fatigue from lack of 1efb6933b1 sleep. And a hoarse, raspy d2c836d0ec voice.924bdf3d867a5235

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“You came back just in time. If you were 10 minutes later, I would have gone to bed. I’m dying to sleep.”096d7b8018f825f8

Glancing sideways, Shavonne looked at Lewellyn’s miserable appearance. He reproached him with a deliberately grumpy voice.2801b038276c2c65

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“If you’re a runaway, you’re supposed to be out having fun, so why do you look like this? It’s not like you’ve been wandering around in the sewers.”10e5f352b4bada68

He choked up.4b76dab8a8f48536

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Lewellyn didn’t dare ask if he had been waiting for him.40fe5b85decb1c23

***8c7ed6a83a2aeb8d

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He had taken care d2456b82f9 of children before.3c0e871ba2037ca6

Everyone had since 2813b3580b the orphanage didn’t 853f0618b9 have enough staff. Ten year-olds 6de948c7f9 looked after c68c5b87bb five year 5cb6bc0309 olds, and 433be1a29c five year 7c10a5e112 olds looked f9acaf6fd3 after one ea9e7ff629 year old cc2c7532b5 babies. Shavonne was daf0ed8393 in charge cc452435bf of seven 8bfc6703d5 years old 55a4be5a84 boys and eba668be19 girls. They were the ones 6e66d3eb4d everyone avoided looking after a0602c2fb7 because they were the 9113e8901e troublemakers.324c2f9769611eea

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The director 3aeaa82057 said he 34e12fb930 assigned them 783bce18ab to Shavonne 9cc9e53d63 because he a6e8b355a8 was trustworthy, 7fda841f50 but no 21b364c24e one believed ca59d7a076 it. Everyone knew 70cbf94336 it was 7a2e7b1a0e because Shavonne 57cedae3fe had fallen 262d19f2d7 out of 7551524302 favor with e9cfef7e86 the director 7f7dd7b05c and that’s a42c255a95 why he 3c5f6dc128 was taking f3a5c83c0e on all 543c79d305 the tasks 02428bae8e nobody wanted.bee78c5265b94c80

The seven 6e49436db7 year olds e1e5f0728c were detestable. So detestable 5fa0d50a5e that made 8554e7e321 him want 61f4d915c2 to close 76175a0313 his eyestightly², but aa4d218574 he couldn’t. Lewellyn was 20335cd745 acting just 30bf8e9c42 like those 1f03513c82 seven year 48635f5a54 olds.9d0e726ec053e81e

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― Good night.ade12d328590c3d3

Those sudden words.d65a77f78c0606f4

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― Sorry about my c2a9fd0929 hand.d4a036f27a7c921a

That apology added without c95079b553 context, it was all 1dab0a58eb just like a seven fbcfd10045 year old. Even rushing out da1481f986 of the house d1c4b51a64 without giving Shavonne 69c810492c a chance to b907c1f10e stop him was dfc3662342 exactly like a 418e25aaf9 seven year old. In the 61bc201405 blink of cd1c8bc776 an eye, 612eea5f76 the house a474075fde was empty.How long have I 17104e0c4b been staring here, completely 338802cdbc in a daze? A hollow laugh escaped through Shavonne’s teeth. What? Good night?He was stunned.I would have understood 6c0ef39fa3 it if he had 940691f350 left without a sound, 52c980ef43 but he made all 3b0fdffd19 that fuss before leaving, 6ed026289d and yet he expects 4cedce6896 me to go to 66ca538e40 sleep?b559d224e2de8bed

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He walked out ac0c3d932e of his house. He took ce0faadc69 a bit a390fa8a3b of time 930dea31c9 as he 30dbb7b97a had to 37bb435c5d pick up a3d460235d and put a10f2e1f1f on a 3f3d698c3f shirt and de1c301fde pants and 8e1ed4bd09 grab his 242de6c137 watch. A long night cc721fc945 had settled over 5d1a11ac1b the world. Lewellyn was nowhere to 056092131b be seen. He looked e780e0f42e around wondering 057df1902d if there 7225d41e28 might be f9561c48d7 footprints left, 0e217e7425 but the f362340563 road was f9106396fc clean without b1bb56767d a trace.f314faf0d254382c

It didn’t take long to accept the fact that Lewellyn had run away. Fortune and misfortune always come together. If it was misfortune that Lewellyn was acting like a seven year old, it was fortune that he wasn’t actually seven years old.a53dc4b3f667f75d

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If he were really seven years old, he might have been murdered, kidnapped, or trafficked. Luckily, Lewellyn wouldn’t become a victim easily because he was an adult. If someone tried to kill him, he might kill them instead. If someone tried to kidnap him, he might gut them instead. If someone tried to traffic him, he might sell them instead. To a circus, or a salmon fishing boat, or to Aachen’s Deichfen where they looked for slaves for large factories.b5064626f552b2b2

And then he might smile brightly and say, ‘Mr. Shavonne, I sold that bastard. Should we use this money to get some grilled meat?’ Because he’s an ex-murderer. Thinking that way, his anxiety subsided. It wasn’t completely gone, but at least he wasn’t crying and wailing like a seven year old who had lost his mother’s hand.eeaba713280ad10d

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He checked his watch. 1:16. He could see the watch hands moving slowly in the dark night. Since he couldn’t wait indefinitely for Lewellyn who might return at any time, he decided to wait for just one hour. No more, no less, exactly one hour.7866d4275d25c7fb

He crouched down a09121c738 in front of 985d1d3f2f the main entrance 3c7bf30d3b of the apartment 31bbf6f082 building and looked 6e9e80f413 out at the 38061dcf9d street. The distant 4241129b23 Bunch was 8f1516c2ae lit up.One of those lights must be showing Lewellyn the way, making sure he doesn’t take the wrong path, and doesn’t drift into a dark place where not a single ray of light reaches.1bfd6975864cee0b

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Of course, the f1de3f994d right path was d56d48d6cf Shavonne. The wrong paths 5f49e2fa46 were bars (‘I hope he’s not drinking too much. If he gets drunk and gets murdered or kidnapped or trafficked… No, let’s not think about that.’) and brothels(‘I’ll kill him! …No, why am I getting so violent…’).c2d839e29c84c0a0

These weren’t entirely groundless worries, as Shavonne’s ex-boyfriends, the typesetter and the osteopathist, had done exactly that. After a fight, the typesetter got drunk and was robbed, and the osteopathist secretly visited a brothel and contracted a venereal disease. He shuddered remembering how he had to help the typesetter with money from their meager savings, and how he had to break up with the osteopathist before they had sex.bab69b372df3c2cf

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Before he knew it, it was two o’clock. 2:14, 2:15, 2:16… Lewellyn hadn’t appeared. Shavonne added another hour. He decided to wait for exactly one more hour, no more, no less.91dea356d5608b4a

The frosty effdb60b1c autumn night 76079d115b was chilly. Shavonne blew on 5370ed9f52 his hands, which aab405183b were just starting 983b16c010 to get stiff, 97faad819e making a‘hoo, hoo’sound to warm them. The breath eddbcd8d1b turned into 20485276d5 white vapor, a0a5edba87 rising into 369809325c the air 7cf9435503 and disappearing.Should I 3506b773ba go in 6bc8e233cb and take 8064977331 a coat?He thought, but only 6da8f41998 for a moment.6287e20695a162c7

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It was because of the worry that Lewellyn might come and go while he was getting the coat. Lewellyn had rushed out of the house without explaining anything. Whether it was because he saw his scarred body or for whatever reason, he must be upset. He couldn’t miss him. He wanted to keep waiting.0a1b4747462e96ab

‘…That is, if he comes within the next hour.’a328cf478086835f

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But even when it became three o’clock, Lewellyn hadn’t appeared. Shavonne looked at his watch. 3:16. After some consideration, he persuaded himself. ‘I’ll wait until exactly 4:16, no more, no less,’he thought.61ebc07712c29d34

Even when it became four o’clock, Lewellyn hadn’t appeared. Shavonne looked at his watch. 4:16. After some consideration, he persuaded himself. ‘‘I’ll wait until exactly 5:16, no more, no less,’ he thought, in a voice that even he couldn’t trust anymore.53918f45e234d2e6

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Probably because he had 16e730252b been crouching all this 7d4588a3ab time, his legs were 5457fef599 tingling. He stood up and dc167bdd45 leaned against the main c911f45430 entrance. He looked up 88646fa1a9 at the moonless 20b2e89cbe night sky, gazed 4397e5f7f7 at the distant 9004d0111f lights of Bunch, d2cf929f8b and looked down 3ae39bf970 at his feet b40cc4473d covered in shadows.Why does my shadow 66a44baf94 always look so lonely?A trivial a93bb1978d thought crossed 9076e659b7 his mind e61e6f0c42 for a cde26f0aef second.02a9b3171915e0b5

As he aimlessly b2bb5379d6 stepped on his e5e4dc9a60 shadow, suddenly, the 267ce2255c worry about what e907b1f9d8 to say when 865c8cd6e2 Lewellyn came filled 84c936402d his mind.Should I say, ‘You’re back?’ No. There’s no question as pointless as asking if someone has come when you’re already seeing them coming.6e47ff09fb7af011

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Should I say, ‘Are you all right?’ No. That might unsettle Lewellyn again when he’s finally calmed down. Should I say, ‘I missed you?’ No. That seems too much, as if we hadn’t seen each other for ages. He started thinking about whether ‘I’ve been waiting for you’ or ‘Why are you so late?’ would be better. The former felt embarrassing and the latter somehow made him sound like a jealous wife.a0ef497239a4738e

Before he knew it, it was five o’clock. It was time for the blue twilight to color the sky. Should I wait until six o’clock, no more, no less…?His eyes stung. They had to be fdc32c58f6 bloodshot from staying awake 487d8b8605 when he was sleepy. As he was still 469e5d1ecc lost in thought, he 2e4e8b1f3e heard a presence from 20f2121621 somewhere. Lewellyn.52511211586a7176

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“…”6307af5db124c609

Shavonne, who was about to say ‘Let’s wash up and sleep,’ opened his mouth but then closed it. After waiting for a full four hours to meet Lewellyn, somehow he wasn’t entirely glad. It was because Lewellyn, who was always neat, looked disheveled today. Tangled hair. A carelessly loosened coat. Shoes and trouser hems caked with black dirt.066fc49ce646b622

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Suddenly, he 3e9dcb5ccd felt annoyed. A grumpy voice 4f461a1505 bursted out.615f073cdc250973

“Did you have fun running away?” he blurted out. “”You came back just in time. If you were 10 minutes later, I would have gone to bed. I’m dying to sleep.”49fd65c1c5e8a444

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Why is 92305ff3d6 his hair e30af6d1a4 tangled? Why is his 4eac1f8472 coat carelessly loosened? Why are his b2dcb75931 shoes and trouser 40bf7b16ff hems caked with c8faa905af black dirt? Even though he tried not to think about it, he couldn’t help but do it. Finally, he glanced sideways to check Lewellyn’s condition. He could see his thin and pale face. It was painful to see.157b168203687c5e

“If you’re a runaway, you’re supposed to be out having fun, so why do you look like this? It’s not like you’ve been wandering around in the sewers.”73528b8186b99e34

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He thought he would respond with his usual eloquent words, saying something like ‘What’s the problem? I’d shine even if I were wearing rags’, but he didn’t. Lewellyn didn’t say anything and just stared at Shavonne blankly. He subtly averted his eyes from his piercing gaze. Then, worried that he might have made the atmosphere awkward, he started rambling as his cheeks blushed.e94ea8baeee0a345

“Do you even know how dangerous it is here at night? Even the police officers that are armed are cautious in this area. Even ex-murderers get their wallets stolen here. If you want to run away, try to…”b282760d536f1e07

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If you 3d1c9abf37 want to 0fab180d5b run away, c03a241463 try to 38654a38b4 do it 529df91168 during the ee38ed1a86 day. He was about to finish saying that, but he couldn’t. Because Lewellyn suddenly devoured Shavonne’s lips. Touching noses. Breath. Lips together. Surprised by the sudden kiss, Shavonne pulled back. A startled voice leaked out.2aa8e1ad6ba44a02

“Why are you…”7b4c7673efa78ddb

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Again, he couldn’t finish his words. Because once more, Lewellyn swallowed Shavonne’s lips. This time, as if to prevent Shavonne from moving an inch, he grasped both cheeks. Rough breathing. Heat. Panting breaths filling his ears.87eb81ff9e261aae

He was about 5a4180569d to push away 974f26c0f7 but stopped. Shavonne was weak 62e09de285 to pleasure. No, to be 00e43703ea precise, he was 99053cfea2 weak to the b8be8931ca pleasure Lewellyn gave 760babc93e him. Lewellyn melted 2ac96e9052 his judgment. His dizzy senses became 6c902a6598 dim.faca657d1efd0608

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When the a4e14832d2 kiss ended, ded8dee85f it was ff309fa330 around the c70fd19b4a time when a8bfa4c4cb dusk was b6a2cc0445 slowly retreating. It was a moment 4771a14cbe when half the world 9a771b0426 was bathed in dawn, d885dcc452 and half in dusk.25d488af7ba4e035

“No, it wasn’t fun.”9dd3e9d4b615043f

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Lewellyn suddenly spoke. Shavonne had a question 4debe8d46b mark on his face, 8e3af0ef61 but only for a ce7ec7ae4b moment. He soon 5d5aa568dd realized that 0eb5fb3143 it was 9deea8cdcd the answer 764188e605 to the 43889609cb question ‘Did 7ed6438d47 you have 7a5239b7c3 fun running 50472f21e1 away?’cc62ecb8b8bee926

“Except for just one thing.”3492a745adb631f6

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“What thing?”c28458fab78702c6

When asked, Lewellyn 92944dcf12 smiled brightly with 2e07dfb828 the twilight behind 72688a4f1e his back.His smile is 7e06fc4ee7 no different from 6aa49499da usual, but is 5eb04433ae it just my 510603cf1a feeling that he 647707e6b5 seems uncomfortable?56e160b60c790ff8

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“Coming back.”c128199f1443243c

“That was the only fun part”, he added, smiling again. Somehow it seemed like the smile was hiding his troubled mind, so Shavonne couldn’t smile back.cc93b35fe510d888

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All he could do was raise his hand and brush up Lewellyn’s hair. “It’s all tangled,” he said softly.add4828965b16b03

That day, Shavonne kissed the scars that densely covered Lewellyn’s body.48d4e1e0a9936952

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– Where are you fbf577f6a3 from?65bed4f4c3e640b6

– …c28e30ff67557fe9

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– What 3ff957b989 about your efc541cb99 family?7323cc3339dc63e2

– …56e15720af11eabd

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– …Did you go to school?f368d7eb111a616d

– …deb9ba9dd286c596

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Shavonne didn’t know Lewellyn.a2a244a822db20fa

Of course, to be precise, it’s not that he knew nothing about him at all. He knew that he was young, male, and had a common name that might be his real name or an alias. He knew he had a handsome face and a beautiful voice, and that his eyes were bright yellow, a color impossible for humans, and that he had no body odor. He also knew that he was crazy about onions. But he didn’t know the rest. He was clueless about the basics, like when and where he was born and raised, or how he lived.10191199ec228711

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The thought that if Lewellyn suddenly disappeared one day, he wouldn’t be able to find him made Shavonne anxious. He was frustrated with himself for feeling anxious and disappointed in Lewellyn for not revealing who he was. That’s why he was curt even when he saw Lewellyn bleeding.dfe83ac27137d3d0

Why didn’t he realize it? That curtness could drive Lewellyn to the edge.cec40f1abda0b54e

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– You’re going to abandon me, aren’t you? You will, right? You’re going to abandon me, right?210571ae5c74e154

He could still hear Lewellyn’s voice as if he was about to cry. The sight of Lewellyn’s back as he was running out of the Ira apartment complex was still vividly etched in his mind.f20472bcc53ed270

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He decided not to 7ad7db9018 ask anymore about when 80e127cf57 and where he was 50f666f918 born and raised or 65dae7d12b how he lived. Pushing him wouldn’t c159126d2f do anything for 3d91f79d76 his anxiety. It only worsens 11985a45a0 the situation.35a831e0e932b73a

Even today was 31126652e8 like that. All Shavonne a86c6e4212 gained from 00f2a8d83a pushing Lewellyn 27894aadfd today was 69b7d9df40 wounds. Just one wounded Shavonne 76c2b00d6c and one wounded Lewellyn.9d79fb16eaf7e3ac

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At this moment, there 487b718891 was only one thing aa6150f225 Shavonne could do: love 285fe653df Lewellyn.acc3867ab91bd85a

“The sun’s up.”0051a2af4c3c94a2

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“Let’s go in. It’s too bright for us to kiss here”, he added. Lewellyn asked, “So I can kiss you all I want when it’s dark? I should keep down the blackout curtains at home then,” he laughed, making a silly joke. Although it was the same playful tone he had as per usual, maybe because of his disheveled appearance from wandering the streets all night, it sounded awkward, like borrowed clothes that didn’t quite fit.57d934a9ebf5f9de

Shavonne looked at Lewellyn. His shabby appearance bfea301448 came into view 3ee6057e94 one by one. Tangled hair. Loosely undone coat. Shoes and trouser hems 169d613fca caked with black dirt.4c9f31253f98a7ab

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“You need to change clothes.”1fffaa16b0b0ff95

“Will you change them for me? My hands hurt.”99fd7cf4791b030f

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Shake, shake. Lewellyn shaked his bandaged hands as if to show them off while acting coy. Shavonne stared down at Lewellyn’s hands. More precisely, at the broken nails at the end of each finger.03047e8a8a3e21c7

Then his 40d3d866bc answer came 74b5bfd767 out easily.9764f35816b56c5e

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“Sure.”945ccd65cb00ee5b

After saying it, his face felt a little, just a little, hot. As he was about to avert his gaze discreetly, Lewellyn stopped him. He lifted Shavonne’s chin with his finger and turned him to face him. He brought his eyes close and examined Shavonne’s face from various angles. His movements were diligent as he checked the eyelids, temples, cheeks, nose, and lips.4a88fa9d641230e9

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“…What are you doing?”5f4b4d6650981692

He finally spoke. Lewellyn checked behind Shavonne’s ears. Once behind the left ear, once behind the right ear. Just like an orphanage director checking if the children had washed behind their ears.4a72e1e1418fb02e

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“I’m trying to figure it out.”dac51a41aad7d88b

“Figure out what?”4c3d295d4563cec4

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“Why has my Mr. Shavonne gone crazy.”3094e262f3b9a35c

“…I’m not crazy, so let go.”2509f7fa8d998197

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“Shavonne, no crazy person says they’re crazy.”dce91bc557a1a318

“…”d7df1e5ec8979430

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He didn’t understand why he was being treated like a crazy person just for saying he’d help him change clothes. Is it so weird to say that I’d change him? It wasn’t like we’re some shy boy and girl just giving innocent pecks on the cheek, but a couple that spends nights so passionate that the bed barely survives, so why…61626047140a453e

Ah.c8a78792f2abca22

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His thoughts stopped abruptly. He remembered Lewellyn’s cracked voice.42dbc410c8133cdd

— What 12533f8902 did you 88051d8e17 see?c2f22b45d2e471b5

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— You don’t want to be with me anymore, do you? I’m hideous, aren’t I? Repulsive?f5c75c4030998158

— You won’t touch me anymore, right? Yes, you won’t. Even if they’re hidden under my clothes, you’ll remember them. Even if the lights are off and nothing is visible, you’ll remember!8b2416020571aee4

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— …6c9e4d7b95a73648

Scars.ee6ba02f9f94208e

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Lewellyn didn’t want to show his scars.11447b9585c886ee

He didn’t know why. Probably because he was ashamed. The scars that densely covered Lewellyn’s body were no ordinary ugly sight. No, even calling them ugly was an understatement. They were disgusting. They made the viewer feel instinctively uncomfortable, to the point of turning their head away unable to bear the discomfort.218ea525f5d3798a

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But that wasn’t enough 0ca0ebdf4f reason for Shavonne not 41a7c05730 to love Lewellyn.5f98afc7a602779a

Shavonne wanted cd0c7c7835 to give 88cfe5d7c4 him assurance. The assurance 7714059881 that there 6644d0fc7d was no 2d1f23777d way Shavonne c634c5a992 would stop 3739d88a1f loving Lewellyn 4f34b87ceb because of e79d77a6fb mere scars.4d40d28c95f95d43

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He lowered Lewellyn’s hands that were holding his face, seeing Lewellyn’s face. A face with clear eyes, a straight nose, and fine lips drawn like a picture. A beautiful face. The face of the person Shavonne loved.1c16cd9278f2890f

“Let’s go in.”e6b7963031a5b01a

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“But you’ve gone crazy, Mr. Shavonne.”951a9efe63f448c2

“We’ll see whether I’m crazy or not once we’re inside.”4db756104297fdd4

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Room 303 was bright even without turning on the lights. It was thanks to the clear morning sunlight coming through the windows. The dust floating in the house reflected the 6 AM morning sunlight. Shavonne sat Lewellyn on the bed. Lewellyn followed obediently. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to listen to a crazy person,” he babbled with his mouth, but his body was docile.58dc4495b3585f26

“Are you really going to change my clothes? It might be better for both of us if you don’t. Don’t you think so? What do you think, Mr. Shavonne…,” Lewellyn rambled, but Shavonne ignored him and took off his outer clothes. The moment the clothes came off, or more precisely, the moment Shavonne’s hands touched his body, Lewellyn’s constant babbling stopped.fc811569137bae42

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He started unbuttoning Lewellyn’s shirt. One, two…, the tightly fastened buttons slowly came undone. Shavonne’s hands touched the shirt, left it, touched it again. Shavonne could feel that Lewellyn’s body under the shirt was stiff.ea95c85387e1762f

Soon, a scarred body was revealed between the open shirt. Traces of wounds covering the entire body so densely that no clear skin could be seen…7533fbd0fde16cc2

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Slowly, he kissed his 8267127459 body.cb8224afa9a14c60

“…”2f58de312538caf6

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The traces of pain didn’t hurt anymore, as if the pain had never existed. However, it had existed. Shavonne wasn’t truly aware of how painful Lewellyn’s past had been.670632fe5cd0b687

But there was one thing he could know. The fact that behind Lewellyn’s smiles, behind the words he casually said in a light tone, there was a pain that Shavonne couldn’t imagine.8e03a414074cd73b

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He stopped and faced him. Lewellyn wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t crying either. He just had a blank face, as if he didn’t know what expression to make. That face was so lovable that Shavonne ended up smiling a little., thinking, If there’s a moment when you realize you’re in love, it would be right now.556d03eaa78dad87

It was now a9a89524d8 fully morning. Bright sunlight 99ba9f8e00 lightened the b4d2cad8ad world.7dc16685407cf57e

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It was much later that Lewellyn, who had been frozen, suddenly opened his mouth saying, “Yep, no doubt that you’ve gone crazy, Mr. Shavonne,” and then out of nowhere, pressed his lips against Shavonne’s. If it had ended with just a kiss, there would have been no problem, but unfortunately, it didn’t. Because eye contact easily becomes a peck, a peck easily becomes a kiss, and a kiss easily becomes sex.f14601a7dcc2a20b

When he e60f4018c8 came to b272f372be his senses, fa65bdf32d he was 7fda56b73f already pinned e5ac1898c4 under Lewellyn.How can c9c124fc43 you be 219958f008 so pretty? Mn? Mr. Shavonne, how can 8483c50bfc you be this 9b612d3058 pretty?Along with a 078d4b67bd voice heated with 7c2da9d5ec passion, kisses rained 57fdfaa015 down all over 2332ebf5f1 his face.e207a415c11298e2

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The sex that started 0927c5d826 in the blink of 5e1b3efa59 an eye only ended 04e885e08b when both body and 70294507be mind were limp. As he lay ba9e7c2f30 sprawled out, drained, b85b88dce1 he caught sight 05f5458c33 of Lewellyn preparing 0db88653b8 to mount him 98ddfc67fa again.Good heavens.Not knowing whether to 2385272e55 gasp or sigh for ac39fb417e a moment, before Lewellyn 58c8679240 could pounce, Shavonne hurriedly 6c3f06973c picked up his clothes 4326fdaea3 and put them on. Because he put them 7bbce2f46c on without washing his 4b14633700 skin, which was covered c124341ee0 in bodily fluids, his 0d1ef2d913 whole body felt sticky, 0a01b106d2 but there was nothing f70836ec6b else he could do.36b76146e1a0508e

Sure enough, Lewellyn’s face became incomprehensible. Well, it made sense that he wasn’t satisfied, given that Lewellyn had never finished sex with just cumming once before.c6e10c081c035116

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“We’re not going to do it more?”a199aef98d1030fa

“No.”7be8ae250e50d879

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“Why?”21799f6093260f21

He asked with an innocent face, as if he really didn’t understand. Looking at him, Shavonne felt somewhat annoyed and told a lie.567298d0f49e767a

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“Because I don’t like it.”f1fca62f06283818

The rebuttal came 8640ab6eaa immediately.f0ff1da2b9711480

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“You’re lying, you were moaning the whole time we were having sex.”6542a5ece97ac25b

“Me? Do you have any proof?”4c12262971a9bb91

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“I do. Put your hand on your heart and think about what sounds you made while lying under me.”3bca2be78be22b26

“I don’t remember.”22bd8e797b85fb44

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“Shall I remind you? You were like, ‘Ah, ahh, huk, L-Lewellyn, there…, mmmh.'”8b8a42cdbf766cae

“You’re not a pervert, are you? Going around memorizing all that?”269609552436f59b

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“I didn’t memorize it because I wanted to, but because I heard it so many times. You should have been less noisy if you didn’t want that to happen.”bbb13624a84eacff

“…”b17e30597e3d9df8

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Will it hurt to cce1ec28ea give in just once? As he was thinking this, seeing Lewellyn sparkling as usual made his heart soften. He wished Lewellyn wouldn’t look thin and pale from begging him not to abandon him. He wished he hadn’t looked disheveled from wandering the streets alone at night. He wished he wasn’t in pain.4645ac122ae58125

“…Anyway, no more rounds. I have to go to work at eight.”097975205550ef98

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“I was planning to 59379d425c get at least an 39176fe413 hour of sleep before a5ef3dce0a going to work, but a98149b360 that plan was ruined f55ae52262 because of you”. He added, 57cdd55f55 shrugging his 256a57031a shoulders.ca4822e2d07aa86a

At that moment, he failed to notice Lewellyn’s lips tightening.313f6c4646f0be3c

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“…Work?”21f75df272fd9652

“Yes. I found a job.”8d18e400eb6b284e

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He didn’t specify that it was at Krainer Publishing. He didn’t mention the name of the editor, Turner, either. He didn’t want to give Lewellyn any reason to cause trouble.b5279c2bce49325a

He didn’t hide the fact that he had to go to work every morning. Calling Turner “Oscar” was a lie that wouldn’t be discovered (unless Lewellyn went to find him directly), but making excuses for going to work like ‘going to the market,’ ‘taking a walk,’ or ‘going to the post office’ were obvious lies that would be found out. It was better to tell the truth than to tell an obvious lie.fc2040855bf59485

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Unexpectedly, Lewellyn didn’t seem to mind. He even carefully saw Shavonne off as he left the apartment for his first day of work.a1dda2662214d258

“You have to think about me while you’re working, okay?”7ee7ee61f84c7531

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“Okay.” When Shavonne answered, Lewellyn’s face became radiant, making Shavonne forget his worries. His face was as bright as the morning sun.82bcfbc240d52102

That day, Shavonne went to work for the first time at the multifamily residential where Turner lived. He didn’t notice Lewellyn’s shadow following him.996c45c76c402318

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The apartment complex was still the same. All the windows closed without any exception, thick iron bars over them, a security booth, impossibly high walls, and armed security guards in pairs of two… The impression that it was more like a prison than an apartment complex hadn’t changed. The system where you could only enter and exit after going through a strict inspection at the security booth was also the same.069eb98b72e98efa

Knock knock.As he knocked on 28ace411bd the door of room c3a7e12d09 211, Turner popped out 0c0b0c98d1 as if he had e3d7bfdd84 been waiting.5872cab183e7fe86

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“You’re here. I’ve been dying to see you.”7341b1e9bfff064d

I’ve been dying to see you… That phrase felt oddly unsettling for some reason. He was about to retort, ‘It’s just coming to work, is there any need to talk about dying?’ but stopped. He remembered Turner claiming to be Shavonne’s fan.2d20cb470dba92a3

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What would Lewellyn ced77ec25d do? His thoughts naturally drifted towards Lewellyn. Recently, Shavonne had developed a habit of thinking ‘What would Lewellyn do?’ Even when walking down the street, he would wonder if Lewellyn would walk or take a carriage, and when stopping by the grocery store, he would think about whether Lewellyn would buy this potato or that one.3c07527c97741640

It was the same 6046d7a0c4 now.What would Lewellyn do? Wouldn’t he say that I should be friendly to a fan, especially to the only fan I have in the whole world?321e9e17e25b1088

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“Yes, I’ve been dying to work too.”83acb03eb5f51868

He gave an appropriate answer. It wasn’t entirely a lie. It wasn’t that he wanted to work, but it was true that he thought he was dying while arguing with Lewellyn at night, endlessly waiting for Lewellyn who had run away at dawn, and having sex with Lewellyn in the morning.bc18670ac6930c3e

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Turner didn’t point out the difference between “to see you” and “to work.” He just had a faint smile.b96f72e1086605cd

“I hope you didn’t have a hard time getting here. Should I send a carriage to your house every morning?”11e65f21c1b02866

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“Thank you for the offer.”8f63aeb130340d1c

Assuming it 2f351b4e01 was just 9758846e78 a polite 384bd49d1d gesture, he 1b6bfd06c1 responded with 622812aaa4 a polite eeac33a6cd refusal. That’s why the c6f879c296 following words caught 5d670a16aa him off guard.71bb32328f6cc23b

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“I didn’t say it to receive a thank you.”639c367319c089da

Wait, he’s really going to send a carriage to my house every morning? Shavonne looked at Turner with a face that couldn’t hide his bewilderment. How rich must ºthis 1fab1d8eb9 man be to offer 27cb110088 to send a carriage d8beed6248 to my house?dd3ecab9ef3787bf

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He didn’t know how to respond. If he asked for the carriage, Shavonne would feel uncomfortable, and if he said he didn’t need it, Turner would be hurt.394628eeee4b6116

What choice would Lewellyn make? Would he say, ‘Of course you should accept. It’s always good to be close to rich people,’ or would he say, ‘Refuse. I bet ten pieces of onion that he’s laying the groundwork to exploit you’?d7f4cae14485caa1

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The two opinions clashed fiercely, sparking blue flames, but only for a moment. Soon, Shavonne came up with an answer. It was a politely irreproachable answer that would neither make Shavonne uncomfortable nor hurt Turner’s feelings.adeade539ca8b60c

“If I feel I need a carriage, I’ll let you know then. Thank you for the offer.”d92337dbf521c970

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After saying e1350ea2b4 this, he 837f679c2a internally shrugged bf10366582 his shoulders. He felt proud 660db5cc2f of himself for d4033d5394 coming up with a20b85fb93 such a great 233a9c0bb5 answer in such 9cb810a010 a short time.What would Lewellyn have said if he saw this? ‘Wow, Shavonne, you’re really good with words’? Or, ‘That’s too much. You’re kind to him but harsh to me. Are you treating a man that isn’t your lover differently?’ Or perhaps…599a43ff6b618ac0

That’s when it happened. Turner’s soft voice penetrated Shavonne’s thoughts.ae902ebd7fd257b6

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“What are you thinking about so intently?”c53d03e6fa67698f

He was at e86c6015b6 a loss for d104acd298 words. How did a4a86ed1ce he know?fc359e3d594f6341

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“You’ve been lost in thought for a while now. It’s written all over your face.”50b8f18efd1c6438

“…”2bbc45f1132a6ba2

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As he was flustered, not knowing how to explain himself, Turner smiled as if he hadn’t expected an explanation in the first place. It was a smile that somehow felt like a glass doll, making it uncomfortable to look at.c922cac8f3cda91d

“When you’re working, you should only think about work. At the workplace, only think about the workplace.”0bd952ad51cd894c

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“…”2a7d6c45f4308fce

When with 1a27613aa5 the editor, 5262a1fac3 only think 0affd108f1 about the 3f5002fe80 editor? A rebellious thought flashed through his mind, but only for a moment. Shavonne knew he wasn’t in a position to grumble. It was wrong to be thinking about other things while in front of someone.8bec0c007f63d7e5

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— You have to think about me while you’re working, okay?3b1e297affd525f4

He remembered what Lewellyn had said when seeing him off. Lewellyn must be happy. Even before starting work, Shavonne was constantly thinking ‘about him.’ Even when he tried not to think, he couldn’t help it. He wanted to concentrate at least while working, but he had an ominous feeling that he would be thinking about Lewellyn even then. It was amazing how Lewellyn had seeped into every aspect of his daily life.327b54e40dbeaf82

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Turner didn’t say anything more. He just led the way for Shavonne, clearing his voice.d5178d655d04d6b6

“Now, shall we go in?”af314f5eea19c0ce

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The door to room 1f319a54d0 211 was already wide 8c39a7787f open. Room 211 was 94e42cd2ec dark. The lights were off 73fdb6e78a and blackout curtains were 50444b106e layered, blocking out the 791fe283b1 sunlight. It smelled like a 0e698e7286 swamp.1579ca71a2032301

He hesitated before 7a60b15fb8 entering. He stepped on the 09766a0e22 sticky darkness. The sound of 9f59f319c5 the door closing df5c261879 behind him was ea3ef411c8 heard and then 032350129c disappeared.da2f98fc042c8795

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***dfb066108e3a3583

In the luxurious room, Shavonne was sitting at an ebony desk, typing on a typewriter. From the black, glossy body, to the gold-plated keyboard, to the stylish decorated space bar, everything about L Company’s top typewriter was luxurious without exception, and it felt different from the moment you touched it.3009abd11389d197

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He typed.Tatatack, hitting the 140b455fb4 keyboard.Zirruk³, going to a19d4bf80a another line.Tatatack, in b391a5f3ff the middle 045faed9ee of the 70514fbeca night the c8ad5babae protagonist was 387c330ef8 chased by 1b7139a1f0 an assailant 7152780c0d who was 2db6a935de carrying a 5d75a9e71d knife and e57baba86e discovered a 41e05d4d8b lake.Zirruk, ‘I wonder if Lewellyn is sleeping’. Tatatack, the protagonist 10512ee9a2 jumped into the d2933daad2 lake.Zirruk, ‘I wonder if he’s eaten’. Tatatack, having shaken 403ac84e57 off the assailant, 7e5d77dd9b the protagonist belatedly a52cbb133e discovered a corpse c3c516d939 floating in the a411ce342b lake.Zirruk, ‘If he hasn’t eaten, I should scold him’. Tatatack, the face 47f777d564 of the corpse 16f43ac3ec was familiar.Zirruk, ‘He must be tired from all the running away drama, I should make him an omelet later.’43c08b3fd7ab971a

“What do you mean with ‘Lewell’?”9236dc69abe87e89

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At the 7a88818295 voice coming 86bf4dbca9 from behind, 9a161151b0 Shavonne snapped 81bdc68fd3 back to 1751d2706b reality.‘Lewell’?He turned around to 23b2856a10 see Turner standing there. His face was stern, 4e0953c7fe as if he had 2e98219dd8 been watching Shavonne write 4cd8405c19 all this time.541b899437f955b2

“What ‘Lewell’?”8566e56dcc852ffb

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When Shavonne asked, 3a5205da0b Turner, instead of a31bd4eb5c answering, nodded towards 9a997e8bdf the manuscript inserted 8dbfd755b2 in the typewriter.My manuscript? Shavonne looked at it. Dense sentences came into view. In the middle of the night the protagonist was chased by an assailant who was carrying a knife and discovered a lake, jumped into the lake, shaking off the assailant and only then discovered a corpse floating in the lake, the face of the corpse was familiar, and that face…539f11afa9cc1fb1

“…”7b6be8c85a926c86

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The owner of that face was written as ‘Lewell’.ff94c98186317d53

“…I wrote it by mistake.”0ddd8379e674267e

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He had gotten 9f30ac8234 tangled up typing f152be231a with his hands 73645483a0 while thinking about 1a18626982 Lewellyn in his 67a9defb71 head. His face flushed hot ada602c3dd like someone caught making 33fba711cf a mistake. Shavonne took 77c03ee072 out the aa623f27e3 paper that 8f6a4ed113 was inserted aea9c69283 in the f5069b3218 typewriter and 43f206affe threw it 7323b6d7f7 in the 284c8da1e7 trash. He hurriedly 7fc28529ea inserted a 06d98c4dff new sheet 4c8e6c81f0 of paper. Even so, c36056eee3 the heat a0f9c92338 burning his dc659726df cheeks showed e684d5a64b no signs 49a4d0e1f5 of subsiding.6147a409c3290a33

“You were trying to write Lewellyn, right?”65644bc39fa23f54

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“Uhm…”a934b479592e3918

“The prince’s name. Right?”a903586b41388883

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“…”8169e2b75ea8b713

“The corpse having the prince’s name. I don’t think that’s going to do well for a royal contest.”2c7277512f6b54ef

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Turner smiled. It was a smile 77db8e0ec9 that felt like a 6a883e8a06 glass doll, devoid of 170fb1cfb8 any feeling. Royal contest. That word felt a8ec8851f9 oddly heavy, so ef4f45947e Shavonne turned his 73b7342725 eyes to the e0d793fa8a typewriter.57abcb490f506c7d

Over the blank paper inserted in the typewriter, there was the images of Shavonne winning the royal contest. A future with money, honor, a lover Lewellyn who was ‘on his side’, and the editor, Turner, who always called Shavonne the best writer. Knowing that it couldn’t be obtained for free, the eyes looking down at the typewriter darkened.d51e6de461f6e00f

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***9f59a45ff54b0913

He got 5c465df3ef off work 4149c4ac4a at seven 9fd3442e76 in the 12d85c9388 evening.3760bfe5537ef607

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“Shall I give you a ride home?”1547bad2a37968b1

Turner suggested. As Shavonne was about to refuse, Turner’s fingertip brushed past his ear, saying, “There’s something on you.” A hand briefly caressed his earlobe. Shavonne’s body stiffened. An unpleasant sensation spread throughout his body.4952cd85cc197a1d

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Just then, he 5554853db8 noticed Turner wearing 397d08ea55 loose clothing that 38d350ee95 revealed his insides 240aa383e0 clearly.How weird. He seemed dfa9aea64f to be f86e493c6e dressed neatly e98657d7fb just a 79980e9fc2 while ago, 9eb3f4ad0a did he fdbba92a0a change clothes? For what reason?As he wondered, he 3e19528dc5 could see a flat 1a7b5b5d60 chest through the clothes.ee7ec741b9e1edab

Shavonne was surprised. For two reasons. First, because that body was so sexy that it perfectly matched Shavonne’s ideal type. Second, because even after seeing such a chest, all he could think was, ‘Isn’t he cold?’f319e0d8a184ff68

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Come to think of it, Turner’s face was very close to Shavonne’s ideal type. Shavonne’s tastes were quite consistent. He had liked black hair, blue eyes, and faces with strong, clear features since 8 years ago, so all the lovers he had dated until now had such appearance. Except for Lewellyn, they were all like that.3a93759c880b12cc

The problem is that now, even seeing a face that looks exactly like his ideal type right in front of him, he feels no excitement at all. It wasn’t just the face. He saw his naked body through the clothes and still felt nothing.51720ad97460ea03

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Has my ideal type 981e4128ff changed?a1da2d442905a531

But how?d65aaca1e696b0e3

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Someone’s face flashed through his mind, as if they were raising their hand. When working, he should only think about work, and at the workplace, he should only think about the workplace, but that face filled Shavonne’s mind and left him without knowing where he should be thinking about it and where he shouldn’t.ad39a480146a7a72

“…You’re daydreaming again.”e5828df0b03a64c2

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A voice was heard nearby. Turner was looking down at Shavonne with his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “Ah.” Only then did he come to his senses. “I’m sorry. I was just…”cae0125b86d3dc47

“You have 2550ac1bd9 beautiful eyes.”153ea6753b14b906

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His words were cut 47f21b61a1 off.e58f63d893d2091f

“…”084ed3253faddb4e

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Shavonne stared blankly at Turner’s face, not knowing if “You have beautiful eyes” meant his eyes were actually beautiful or if it meant he wanted to sleep with him. However, Turner offered no explanation. Only a smile as clear as a glass doll, devoid of any feeling, remained.1ac22d1d66059051

Fingers that touched his ears and fell away, loose clothes, ‘you have beautiful eyes’… His head was spinning the entire way home. Even as he tried to brush it off as being oversensitive, the touch on his ear kept coming back to him. The touch had made him uncomfortable, as if a bug had crawled on him.c8247a2273ab1965

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As soon as he 605e0e434e entered the house, Shavonne 3686aeabb8 was greeted by a c267429ec1 sound. The sound 6684a5e13f of humming a07f9a4a9b coming from 9178f00702 the kitchen. It was 《Yellow, d721ad3275 Yellow, Yellow Squirrel》a99b5a098927334e

‘That must be Lewellyn.’fe4589b36c766683

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Suddenly, he remembered kissing Lewellyn’s scars this morning. Looking back, he didn’t understand where he got the courage to do such a thing. Well, he would make the same choice if he went back, though.8a379410f960588d

When you’re in love, you do embarrassing things. When he heard that before, he just scoffed, thinking it couldn’t be true, but now Shavonne was exactly like that. The more he recalled the kiss, the more he felt his face heating up. Shavonne cleared his throat out of embarrassment. Ahem, ahem, as b7ad9e5734 soon as 633bc5ff51 the sound e9465e21eb was made, 6c87ff6c33 the humming 32a5311f02 from the 7be2dee180 kitchen stopped.3571addbe4a26358

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“Mr. Shavonne?”98db11934ed0ed6f

There was e629b30c7f a sound 2ceabaff95 of footsteps 9dd499ddfc crossing the acd69577f1 house, and f0d7fb11ae before he e63b18dcfa knew it, 1b02915941 Lewellyn was ab0a1fc7a4 in front b3e2ff9299 of him. With a 511c11d376 spatula in ce06263b82 his left 9ea5a6235d hand and 808a7fce5d a sieve be4e10f8da in his b0abb813e6 right, even 7a3968e3f6 wearing an f98f7d89a0 apron. His face was 905081afc1 flushed red, probably 6fbe73ffc1 from being near e9655b0a33 the fire while 8d6b6e66a6 cooking.8fa736754ec67079

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It was only for c4cdf6756f a moment that he ce760cf8fa was stunned. Shavonne thought.Please. Don’t greet me with a corny phrase like “You’re home?”f750edc191d3a865

“You’re home?”6af0a93be8e60e63

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…Of course he would.He was once 5fba91d21c again curious why 45a4b7145f his ominous premonitions 0da8e9585c never missed.fd9e7b6d3df88e9e

“What do you think? What do you think?”f5227034629856a4

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Lewellyn clenched f7311d1d34 his fists 30ed327491 and his 6232332684 eyes sparkled. His voice, urging for da98b24528 an answer, was excited 83c8299cf9 like a child expecting ed615f622d praise. Shavonne replied gruffly.b721f352aef5d7c7

“What do you mean?”b74d63a4a517a015

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“I thought everyone loved this kind of thing.”2b97059e6f5d7b16

Shavonne stared blankly at Lewellyn’s face. Where on earth does he pick up these strange ideas? Doesn’t he know how troublesome something like that can be?be9f6f14b74edb08

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Lewellyn’s face naturally became gloomy after seeing Shavonne’s cold gaze. “I guess not.” After muttering, he suddenly asked again as if he had found a glimmer of hope.2c0ed91f8fae6dff

“It’s not really that bad, is it? You’re just trying not to show how much you love it, right?”d1d909f66c68290d

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Shavonne answered flatly.c417b319694ac107

“It’s really bad.”5d6f130291df1d29

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“That can’t be.”68df0fd8f494468e

“It can be. Put yourself in my shoes. If I, who never does this normally, wore an apron, held a spatula and a sieve, and came running to greet you with a corny ‘You’re home?’, wouldn’t you worry like ‘Did he eat something bad?'”389b7eabf1d8beba

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“No. If it were me, I’d be so captivated that I’d pounce on you first and ask questions later.”9734079b5e3ba4bb

Shavonne glared at Lewellyn. “You didn’t do that when I was wearing a raincoat instead of an apron and holding tax bills instead of a spatula and sieve, did you?”2b57df1cfe3bd640

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“Did I? I don’t remember.”09f4668087294099

Lewellyn’s face was nonchalant as he shrugged his shoulders up and down. How shameless. Shavonne was about to criticize him, asking if there was something wrong with his frontal lobe, but stopped. Maybe it was because it was his first day at work, but he didn’t have the energy to argue.e964696e1c67bd3f

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Work was tiring. He thought it wouldn’t be that tiring since all he had done for 8 years was writing, but that was a mistake. There was a world of difference in the weight of fatigue between writing at home and writing at work. At home, he could easily write ten pages, but at work, he was exhausted after writing just three lines.4f1df1e916a34009

It’s no wonder, the sound of typing, tatatak, the 4be927b2be sound of f293f0e68b going to 28bd58cd5d another line,zirruk, even the ticking of the clock hands from afar made Shavonne’s nerves sensitive. As it is said, sensitive nerves are a recipe for fatigue.0c4fa1525c4508e8

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He collapsed onto d349d10fac the bed. As soon as 444cf94edc he lay down, 5f172982f4 his eyes closed. A world of 07967538b3 stars poured down 3adae40b92 before his dark 1ca379df66 eyes. Although Shavonne cba36a0dba has insomnia, a893c82f1a today he 91f8ee1f66 feels like b1d9b27ac4 he could a5bb48986c fall asleep e188f67e30 in 5 0fdc70e5db minutes. No, 5 b4ee202b63 minutes is f04d86669b too long. He feels like he 209c1ee24e could fall asleep in 52b1ee1ae0 3 minutes.1df99a4f04a9e67b

Lewellyn’s voice was heard above his head.460c6d3408cb6af9

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“Aren’t you going to eat? I’m preparing onion steak and onion bagels.”d5b0dbb7493667bb

The desire to sleep won versus his hungriness. Shavonne didn’t answer. To be precise, he didn’t have the energy left to answer. He just buried his nose in the pillow, as if closing his ears.5bc107c6854a8180

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“Shouldn’t you take off your shoes before getting into bed?”909a37bb8ba70e13

Those words were barely b64737d9dd audible, buried under the 9a3c1eeb03 sleepiness. Shavonne only wiggled 9bfa1e34f8 off his shoes.Thud, thud.The left shoe fell 0512fa1e91 to the floor below 24c17ce2e7 the bed, followed by 047c11437f the right shoe. A pair of f4c46e4198 shoes lay sprawled. Lewellyn said 12afb63896 something more, 665e08203d but his 222b91b6f9 voice sounded aaaa56f16c distant, like 5ac9097ac4 a sound 14ec841f11 coming from 9188823d3c very far 7f6757a6c4 away. Sleep crept ec82066362 in under add0d61b04 his eyelids. It was a 83c07a9890 dreamless sleep.2e179f9b3cc439a3

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***cce865983ed5d147

He woke up fa968aefee because he heard 597b6837b0 a strange sound.ef6afc02be01c0de

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Night. The dark apartment was so pitch black that he couldn’t see an inch in front of him. Is that the sound a513284c85 of wind? Shavonne, lying on the bed, shifted his sleepy gaze to look across at the window. But the window was closed. There wasn’t even the usual rattling sound of the window that typically occurred when the wind blew.5597420384b549b7

What’s that sound?48cbcbb425813b27

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Shavonne was about to throw off the blanket when he suddenly stopped. Lewellyn was sleeping beside him. That itself wasn’t a problem. The two often slept together. It wouldn’t be strange to say that they rarely slept separately. The problem was that the sleeping Lewellyn seemed somehow strange.207d483bd65819c7

Lewellyn was 7caf1ef819 pale and d91065034d gasping for 0fe60012e4 breath. His body, 0d3e6e816d drenched in c38b70cb72 cold sweat, 3e4df5aee0 was shaking 552866f91b slightly. His head 225b08ea62 twisted sideways, 046f1d2287 as if 08e03897e4 saying,No, no. A desperate moan, barely 842945538c audible, escaped between his 7a48e68528 lips. It was the aa7ddb880b identity of the d78a26f63f sound that Shavonne 5cf2b73a6d had thought was b0ce5bdbf8 the wind. It seemed like f2424a2afd he was saying 33fa77d4d1 something, but it 6f183529b5 was too faint af9a2f8bf5 to hear clearly.6e2aadb7b62f545f

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“Mr. Lewellyn.” He called. No response. “Lewellyn.” Still no response. Perhaps he was having a terrible nightmare, Lewellyn, who wouldn’t wake up no matter how much he was called, only opened his eyes after Shavonne shook him.8db85a37c2c064dc

“Are you okay?”1aa1dbcf4ba4139e

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Shavonne carefully examined Lewellyn’s face through the darkness. Lewellyn made a sound in his throat, “Ah.” It was a sound that could have been either affirmative or negative. Then silence. Shavonne patiently waited for Lewellyn to show a reaction.c6e6ae06d2f7bad9

It was a long time before Lewellyn regained his senses. Lewellyn answered while brushing up his sweat-soaked bangs. “Yes. More or less.”8f2a94272dac433e

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“Did you have a bad dream?”d02f7334a5b9b171

“Maybe.”676b257ebd33f71f

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“What kind of dream was it?”61f86ca095d95ac0

He intended to comfort him. If Lewellyn had dreamed of dying, he wanted to tell him that it wouldn’t happen for about 60 years, and if Lewellyn had dreamed of being sick, he wanted to tell him that since the Lewellyn in the dream was sick, the Lewellyn in reality didn’t need to be sick.6f65f268ab6fbf84

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However, Lewellyn’s next answer made it impossible for Shavonne to even comfort him.1f20f2f873a12bdc

“I don’t know… I forgot, so I’m not sure…”d78ca31439489fb7

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Then, he smiled briefly at Shavonne, who couldn’t hide his worried expression.70d18f669854cdc2

“I’ll tell you if I remember.”9563b84e07a531a1

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Shavonne knew that it wasn’t a genuine smile. But he decided not to say anything out of respect for Lewellyn’s wish not to talk about the dream. He only said this,0097452a0870c0ae

“Let’s sleep.”481a4bc63bd266c5

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As he said this, he held out his hand. “You mean like holding hands while sleeping?” Lewellyn laughed out loud. It was a laugh that seemed deliberately made. Shavonne didn’t respond and instead grasped both of Lewellyn’s hands. After giving short kisses to each of the ten crushed fingernails, he held his hand. Cold hands and hot hands were together.e2bcf7fa687ba098

“Let’s hold hands.”ffd202187bd13345

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He said, as if 28f2e745b1 making a declaration with e3cf6d5477 his eyes closed.50a8d0cd90bcda05

“Why did you kiss my hands…?”5e6536c26ec37a13

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“Go to sleep. Don’t add comments.”2c67c02527cbe956

“I love you.”9d267bd0f2e2b193

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“I said don’t add comments.”2df3a3227a7e6c84

“You should set an example first, my beloved Shavonne.”32a664b4ec5cb021

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“…”f829e4629c35eeb8

That night, Lewellyn woke up several more times. Because of the sounds Lewellyn made every time he had a nightmare, Shavonne couldn’t sleep at all. But he never let go of his hand.70cef40db22a43a3

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Lewellyn’s nightmares continued that day, the next day, and the day after that, but it was on the fifth day that Shavonne realized what Lewellyn was desperately muttering as if moaning.f00e6dd78604b7f7

Shavonne, don’t go.bd369b26e0afdfe3

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That’s what Lewellyn, suffering from nightmares, was saying.1db51eb0cad54b2a

***c0a76746b09bd066

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Turner said Shavonne’s eyes were red.6571c44b801f5f37

“I couldn’t sleep.”c5dc81752951e06e

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He answered without thinking, then added, lest Turner might misunderstand. “I’m having nightmares.”1923838fb3eb0269

Turner said he would give him sleeping pills. Shavonne agreed, imagining Lewellyn sleeping peacefully after taking the sleeping pills. He didn’t know that this choice would make Lewellyn lose consciousness.497bc80b28bf438d

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***930a300d87b75700

The sound of 96f1578c11 rain could be c34d898eaf heard.7141766cf88acdb5

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Rain poured down over the detention center. Wherever the raindrops touched, mist formed. It was a pale mist so thick you couldn’t see an inch in front of you. It looked like the hazy smoke in the solitary cell that used to turn off his consciousness.1b8aeea11d67b677

Although the rain and mist were things he had never seen before, having just left the solitary cell, he had no time to be amazed. He needed his god. Because he couldn’t be without pain for even a moment without his god. He intended to find Shavonne and bring him back to his side.1234fd8a783f802b

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The dog is 5da17ed25f loose! The dog is loose!A shouting 1436981475 voice sounded b8e5a0cc19 from somewhere. The guards rushed in, 8fe8885f8d disappeared, rushed in again, 3eaaf08fd0 and disappeared again. Eventually, the scene before dd244c294e him cleared. Only one 9c78588656 person, Shavonne, 63d434e0cf remained.4adfb63092fef1be

― Shavonne, have you 3e45e5d95c ever loved me?cc9e616bb6036e1c

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His voice trembled 9943a9a86c as he asked. Shavonne looked at him 1cfcfb15b4 steadily and answered.d2238022f057af86

― Never. Not even once.7b8a1077d2cd129d

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The sight of Shavonne’s back as he turned and left pierced his eyes. Shavonne, don’t go. He wanted 10902ee0fd to say 2b048032bb it, he f48cb37ca2 wanted to 0a52f689a6 beg, but ca2c95318b no voice 3da452f584 came out, e184bf2bfe as if d718cdad06 someone had 26ade87ee8 cut off 388f952c6f his tongue. Probably, it was e45024f3b5 because he was 99eeff8386 a dog.1fcd66a92ea0df5f

Yes, because he was cc3659d33f a dog. For a 970ab9f6b6 dog, sharp d854381549 teeth to 2b282f327b bite the b9df31fd16 target were 4c454e40e9 enough. A tongue to aace1dd715 pray to God 685353b5d5 not to leave 9da6dcd56d was a luxury.56aa23e56791287f

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Gradually, his consciousness began to fade. Darkness creeped into his vision. Slowly, Shavonne’s back was buried in the darkness. He could no longer see Shavonne. He couldn’t see his god.7a38d737bfdef7e4

Shavonne, don’t go. Still, no 3fa807c9d8 voice came 9d45aa98ca out. Words that wouldn’t come c5daa60a70 out were stuck in f37710d43c his throat.Shavonne, don’t go. Don’t go.Only his desperate wish ef9c0c68f6 faded into the rain.676148ac3e60e405

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Shavonne, don’t abandon me.105367abe18292e4

His god d38ce44086 was gone. The sound of rain 78f735ea11 erased the world.f48e33ee308950f3

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His eyes opened.bc0d1cd958488bc4

The long ed48f72f37 eyelashes surrounding b00a20d836 his golden 4fd8958e05 eyes trembled 573c984261 slightly, and 9068c90664 a droplet 9219b24a56 that had 07085893fc been forming 81de3df986 falled.Plop.The droplet 2ce85a8db3 falling near f85741a6d7 his eye 5f0e7b4965 made a 95e0e98a12 light sound.3ef0bd3d9be76ee9

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He thought it was a tear, but it wasn’t. It was a bead of sweat. Only after wiping his eyes with his sleeve did Lewellyn realize. His whole body was drenched in cold sweat. He was damp.3ca7315834ed9107

Room 303 of the Ira Apartments. Looking around, the bed space next to where Shavonne should be was empty. It wasn’t surprising. It was now 10 AM. It had been at least three hours since Shavonne left for work. As Lewellyn lowered his gaze, he suddenly noticed something on the pillow Shavonne usually used. It was a note. Clumsily folded into the shape of a boat.a2e75b87bde2fb1b

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You seemed to be sleeping soundly for once, so I’m leaving first. Don’t sulk like a child because I didn’t wake you up.d92ffa35c5162d44

P.S. How on 846f78aaf8 earth do 49dc581532 you do cb8be00578 origami?f10635c79add56bb

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After reading the postscript, Lewellyn’s lips, which had been ‘sulking like a child because he wasn’t woken up’, finally relaxed. Thinking about how Shavonne, who had probably only ever used paper for writing, must have struggled with the unfamiliar origami, his sadness naturally subsided.2ec9de58a636b083

He briefly kissed the note. Thinking of it as a message from Shavonne made it incredibly sweet. Then he crumpled the note and shoved it deep into a desk drawer. Thinking of it as something that had received Shavonne’s touch in his place made him incredibly jealous. Either way, because it was Shavonne’s note, he didn’t dare throw it away.11752f1c7fcf9f41

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He washed up 9608430fe1 and left the c0abde14b6 house. These days, 8a37eacd45 Lewellyn was a7af98b2d1 visiting all 508902d711 the publishing c2cae3d5f7 houses in 04d0bcf539 Bunch. Sometimes pretending to 0dd1a0ef2a be an errand e838f07565 boy, sometimes a 8423a1ef2b police inspector on 04ddbdd110 patrol, sometimes an 7564ee6a0a eccentric aristocratic lord 262ed3f7f3 interested in books.1bbdfd8deb367b22

The publishing houses were easily fooled. They were so completely deceived that they rattled off their company history, marketability, and vision to secure investment from ‘Lord Allium’. Deception was more effective when pretending to be upper class than when pretending to be lower class.e9470f68f0709fb9

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‘It’s probably because of my face,’ Lewellyn thought. Lewellyn knew he was handsome. A beautiful appearance was a prerequisite for a ‘dog’. To eliminate a target, one must first approach them, and a beautiful appearance made that approach easier. Beauty makes people let their guard down. Nothing was as effective as beauty in thoroughly leading people’s attention away.f142668fb850e8cc

The reason for visiting publishing houses was simple. The suspicious editor who claimed to be Shavonne’s fan. He intended to find out if this person was really an editor, and if so, what kind of scammer they were.09ff469cedb9c827

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Some might call 12a0026585 his way of cf7b7c3cac doing things inefficient dad28bb2fe and they would da6f0e3e45 not be wrong. Visiting each 6700f4b721 of the a4bf92ad21 573 publishing 45354a8f3c houses in 73e73d2024 Bunch was 5b8a247e6b indeed inefficient. But there was c8ddcb8834 no other way.faafb677a359cc96

The security at the multifamily apartments, where the editor lived, was too extreme. There seemed to be at least twenty guards on patrol. There was a way to take them down and break in. But the problem was that breaking in wouldn’t automatically reveal the identity of the editor.df5d4c4d9723d330

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After breaking in, to find out the editor’s identity, he would have to immediately locate the editor’s apartment among hundreds. He would have to pick locks and search inside. He might even have to catch and threaten the editor himself.c9214f9e1f9a9e77

But what if da0ffb1a77 the police came 7633448fdd in the meantime?9af3da98a8bf4ecf

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Arrest means execution. Execution means separation from Shavonne. Lewellyn didn’t want to be separated from Shavonne ever again. That alone was reason enough to refrain from taking the risk.e1d14149935aee5e

That day, as ‘Lord Allium’, he visited two publishing houses but nothing came up. Well, trying to find someone with only the information of 8 years of experience was like looking for a needle in a haystack. It would have been good if he at least knew the hair or eye color, but he didn’t even know that.37b28a17da1a68b0

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In the evening, Lewellyn 3e886c5763 returned home empty-handed. He met 11fa04ea41 Shavonne, who 02ad0b7b2c had returned 91998681be from work, 154af86230 an hour bc5fe99f6d later. He lost e1770e2766 consciousness and ffd673d06e collapsed two 86c9f12d99 hours after 4fb913c318 that.206111586f9489d5

He mixed the sleeping 3a0be573e6 pills with water and c057c3d757 made him drink it. That was all.e3c84e3b50e3eb4c

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The twilight softly 8fe14e47f9 seeped into the a5ff9c33dc cozy gas lamps, 652500c216 the giant platanus ae52f97332 trees swaying in 063ef0bbcf the evening breeze, 46777a972b and the Ira c1adc3712d Apartments with lights 0e0d4fc577 on in every 7a4705c36f home. The smell of a40d37d6a5 baking bread wafted 811ab0bc82 from somewhere, and 20646e3de5 the sounds of 65bd5c547e playful children running 8ce8d54de6 through the streets 20506428aa and a policeman b860c01d90 shouting, followed by 640855da94 shouted responses and 87b8a00494 spontaneous laughter, could 31ddae6cf4 be heard. It was a 737ae7cb70 calm evening.ee06055a3868f4d7

Less than 30 minutes after taking the sleeping pills, Lewellyn fell into a deep sleep. Not gasping, not trembling or twisting his head. Not moaning, ‘Shavonne, don’t go.’5f4080c273721ec5

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Shavonne sat on the bed, looking down at Lewellyn’s sleeping face. A peaceful face. Closed eyes, a nose and lips without even a twitch, pretty cheeks. He wanted to caress him but stopped, worried he might wake him.fde94cca7881efae

As he looked down, the thought crossed his mind that the drug Turner had given him must be quite something. It would have been good if he had known about the existence of sleeping pills just a week earlier. Then he wouldn’t have had to helplessly watch Lewellyn grow gaunt day by day, suffering from nightmares.562f5c75a20b2fce

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Hoping that peaceful c389428043 dreams would visit ab25d23f55 Lewellyn, Shavonne got 7bf0baffd9 up.When he wakes up, Lewellyn will look restful. His eyes won’t be bloodshot from lack of proper sleep, and there won’t be dark circles under his eyes.71b99c46c6838820

Thinking about this made him feel lighter. Shavonne went to the typewriter and began to finish the writing he couldn’t complete at the multifamily apartments. The sound of the typewriter was loud.4fc73a3ebcb04785

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Lewellyn didn’t wake up. It was an eerily quiet sleep. Like death.127d599247d2fe05

The amount of 45f46e6099 sleeping pills Turner 20bbab1220 gave was 3mg.01f166d76e85074b

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‘Can I sleep soundly for just four hours with this?’b124598d62ee0380

This is what Shavonne had said when asking for 10mg. Turner replied that with this, even if he slept for an hour instead of four, it would be a deep sleep. Turner’s explanation was that for the first use, one should take a small amount, and when tolerance develops, then increase the dose. ‘You could die if you’re not careful.’ Turner’s face as he warned him was vivid in his mind.1b5fd01342a45f66

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3mg. He said e82fcf2872 that for 6eea573ee9 an adult 65fa22ab6b male, they 6e5b1d28e4 would wake 166eccb0a4 up in 4e2b114c2c three hours 8d361352e6 at the eb6645fd63 earliest, four a1ddcaf40a hours at d372c37ebc the latest. In other words, Lewellyn 682c69508d should have woken up 6a86d23bd4 by 10 PM at 0e68ff75c6 the latest.f4e8f4b10824a50b

But.7c705ebf7f1a7172

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“…”0f1485c2107a02f4

The clock on the table that his eyes happened to fall on as he looked around was pointing to twelve o’clock.7e050904ba091890

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Shavonne’s hands, which had been tapping the typewriter, stopped abruptly.e3ea3cc28ea975a9

“…”cc60f0b8bbe67428

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A dry swallow 70d414da15 went down his 2da85624c0 throat.9d5d135444d95161

Lewellyn was b0de538252 still sleeping. There was 1e8c28833f no sign 4620a8228b that he 7c85123cc0 had woken 136942a6d6 up or 4c37dd5ed4 had been 8054890a8b awake. A chilling anxiety fef0034bba wet the nape 05b78a2293 of his neck.11f9c35576e171a8

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It’s past ten, why isn’t he waking up?f76dfd4aa7363a0e

…Why?8701f80c7efc66c5

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A deep night where you couldn’t see an inch in front of you was covering the entire Ira Street. Room 303 was also pitch black. If it weren’t for the candle he had lit to write, nothing would have been visible.42173e417f54d665

When the sound 80a5f7d45d of the typewriter db460c3bc4 stopped, what filled 2586f80a7d the house was c48b92d6d4 silence. The silence made all cea52773e6 sounds louder. The creaking 3731b6efa2 of the a4f6c273dd rotten wooden 63ded39a14 floor, the 2d24ecfedf ticking of 80572e5f41 the clock, 42dfb65606 the sound a5585cc5ea of breathing.afc21151258688e2

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There was a loud, rapid breathing sound. Shavonne thought it was Lewellyn’s breathing, but it wasn’t. It was Shavonne’s breathing. Lewellyn wasn’t making any sound. Not even the sound of breathing.20b42b9a371ebd79

Lewellyn was sleeping soundly. Not gasping, not trembling or twisting his head. Not moaning, ‘Shavonne, don’t go.’ He was exactly the same as six hours ago. Looking at Lewellyn, who wasn’t moving at all, anxiety crawled up his throat like a bug.43b0d6912942e7fc

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“…Mr. Lewellyn.”816dc279ed1d8d20

He called, but there 4d83fde4e4 was no response.8087977529fbe017

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60341fe3c93e05db