MLCD Chapter 4.2

“It feels good to speak. Don’t you think so too?”55e50c0525d153f2

The man asked. He blinked. He hadn’t noticed until just now, but the man’s speech had suddenly become more casual¹.2c7911f609215e73

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The man quickly 5b382e2aef noticed what was 2f46b6ef07 bothering him.5f4664c1a3358c03

“What? You don’t like me speaking casually to you?”98f42266ba27b18a

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A refreshing voice.It’s incomparably bc8d929f7d clearer than 7208a4ec1b my dry b6e5b8bbca voice that ec7320bae8 sounds hoarse.As he did nothing 23e793495c more than blinking, the d79ec869eb man playfully wrinkled his 788db8ad44 nose.2bd12cda57fb3d5e

“Even if you don’t like it, what can you do about it? Someone’s been speaking casually to me from the very beginning, so it’s only fair that I do the same, don’t you thinkIt’s difficult to tl 6f00957740 this in English but 3081c53639 welp. Since they’ve met, 9cb0a06b99 Shavonne has been 8b654557d1 talking in a 7536eb5c75 polite way to 10597ccb3c him since they’re c61a07dc25 ‘strangers’ and not 71b41cbd59 that close but 5c76e4e0ca all the words 401757ad28 Lewellyn has said 7999600500 rn are in 819766ae25 a very informal cbdc3bab1e way, only used fa71954a12 with people you’re dbc89b9689 close with, so 155c39f358 when Shavonne heard 42bd266bd7 him talk like 118e2b3105 that, he switched b49f3b915a to doing that 8a75b3b0c5 too.²”bc17e9c11ce60c07

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‘Don’t you think?’ was a phrase that demanded a response, but he remained silent without showing any reaction, just as he had been doing all along. He didn’t want to speak. For two reasons.5d89cb5df31c7951

The first one has been explained already: speaking made him dizzy, nauseous, and break out in cold sweat as if he was going to vomit. The second was a newly formed reason: he didn’t want to let out his dry, hoarse voice in front of the man. He was embarrassed.28e6aea05069d7a9

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“…Alright. If you don’t want to speak, I can’t force you.”04e8112f28088da9

The man seemed disappointed. The man was trying to speak cheerfully as if he wasn’t disappointed, but in reality, he was. It was clear even to him, who was not good at reading people’s faces. He was restless. Have I disappointed f2b835272e him? Have I 34268d0ba9 disappointed him b676cb5c62 because I b4b6f46db4 stayed silent?4a72e24bf32acabe

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The man 10d7b8b2aa was about 69a801a8d6 to turn c95a11dee7 away. His shoulders, facing defa7b43cc the iron door, 86519f37d0 were drooping lifelessly. He opened b3bfb42fe1 his mouth. His body 30898577ba moved ahead 9ce0f5c07e of the 678a099d10 thought that 3336ccb692 he might 32a126039e get dizzy, c0b34db06a nauseous, and 414d4d6a55 break out 6aa7943861 in cold bb353fdbd1 sweat.e89f9fe386792860

“Don’t you think?”7422b71d29864b95

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The man turned back to look at him. His face was unsure, as if wondering if he had heard wrong. He wanted to let him know that he hadn’t, so he opened his mouth again.bf48a2ac69b1a8d1

“Don’t you think?”2d550a9dc2d11533

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The man, who was about to ask “What?”, stopped. He seemed to have belatedly realized that he had simply repeated the end of what the man had just said, that is, the ‘don’t you think?’ at the end of “Someone’s been speaking casually to me from the very beginning, so it’s only fair that I do the same, don’t you think?”06c0824f1d234fd0

He had spoken, despite the dizziness, nausea, and cold sweat, despite the embarrassment, but what if it hadn’t conveyed the fact that he absolutely didn’t want to disappoint the man? He was anxious. He wondered whether he should say “Don’t you think?” again or not.e3f2eef6afa6fc96

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Then, the man burst out laughing with a “Pffft.” He was dumbfounded. He just looked up at the man, who wouldn’t stop laughing, with blinking eyes.22fc0dc87a5cebe9

The man couldn’t stop laughing for quite a while. Whenever he tried to stop laughing, he would look at him and laugh as if sobbing, then try to stop again but look at him and gasp as if he couldn’t breathe, then try to stop again but look at him and bury his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking.de0bfd2f443ea0ad

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He frowned. When guards had pointed at him and burst into laughter, mocking him, he hadn’t felt anything, but when the man burst into laughter, he felt terrible. No, to be precise, it was because he didn’t know why the man was laughing. He was angry because he didn’t know what the man liked, what he disliked, what made him cry, what made him laugh. He was angry because he didn’t know the man.2853d14d46f0a9a4

“Why are you laughing?”a20989019b2e58d4

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He said. As always, when c2c618a537 he spoke, he a31e9e2092 felt dizzy, nauseous, 2ff126cd26 and broke out a50be2d353 in cold sweat, 829e8d9c47 but fortunately or 4ef9c73c51 unfortunately, it was d4a3b38856 less so than 1ad2180651 before.8a6241d3f4b730ed

The man 07080aaad5 finally stopped 3004536633 laughing only 0945261295 after hearing 26b591f467 the question. However, there 641bf113cb was still 80a64e333f a light 7b006f5e1c hint of 8c54cbf141 laughter in d610bd2994 his voice.07b8fac6a342af4e

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“I’m sorry, you’re just too…”b1d90a9c971ef9e8

The man started 32e0c68e99 to answer but 19af9082dd stopped.You’re just too what?While waiting for the 35c8e5fff7 rest of the sentence, e89244add3 the man waved his d3a1523e16 hand as if he 1cbadc80ba hadn’t said anything.afb3b264feefbfd3

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“It’s nothing.”5ac89e4a50cf6d5d

Before he could press further (or more accurately, before he could recall what words to use to press further), the man left the room. Just before opening the iron door, he turned back and said goodbye. “I’m going.” Then, as if realizing he had said the wrong thing, he immediately corrected himself. “I’ll be back.”06a9062d945fea7e

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There was a clank as the iron door opened and closed, and the man’s back disappeared. As always, he was left alone in the solitary cell. But he wasn’t left lonely. Because the man’s promise to come again was left with him.cbb880f8a1854ac5

That night, he didn’t sleep and mulled over the words the man had said to him. If words were tangible, their corners would be worn out from being thought about countless times.3218b9d25cb939db

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‘It feels good to speak. Don’t you think so too?’ It would have been nice if at that moment he had answered, “Yeah, I think so too.”0fd07bcb211f7afc

‘What? You don’t like me speaking casually to you?’ It would have been nice if at that moment he had answered, “I don’t dislike it.”14ebce4c54da7380

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Just like the ec28fb4552 man doesn’t suit 532dd638f5 the words “poker, 1509f6f2fb knife, baton”, I 2f4b8c1785 wish I had ef48be36d4 told him that ea6fc69b04 he also didn’t 075cfca41f suit the word 78745eb0b5 “dislike³”.450860d54016ce38

‘Even if you don’t like it, what can you do about it? Someone’s been speaking casually to me from the very beginning, so it’s only fair that I do the same, don’t you think?’ It would have been nice if at that moment he had asked who this ‘someone’ was.f3ebe5c277daee55

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It would have cadbd38438 been nice if 3152c9af9f he had asked 49b7d0fe42 what casual speech c979fce76e and polite speech 15ce03894b were. (If adding a 019c4dcbaa letter at the 32d5a8e7a1 end of a a1898ae1aa sentence is calledpolite speech⁴) It 330f4a35b9 would have ae7bd0836f been nice cbe9c7eeef if he e2bcbe7009 had asked c5451b16b9 to be 60511d214b taught the ab55b82aa8 differences and 59b6765106 whether he a7efde264e should use da9155dd03 casual or 3237760566 polite speech 3df727415e so that f7c06aee1e the man a7ec197909 could like b97f3a25ac him.2610de175d77f2e2

He raised his body, which was curled up at the edge of the room. It was a problem worth considering. The man was happy when he spoke. That was clear. However, he couldn’t even guess whether the man would be happier if he used casual speech or rather he’d prefer polite speech.acb9561d3d2dda02

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As he pondered, he began to practice both casual and polite speech. He moved his lips, spitting out one syllable, one word, one sentence. When he spoke that night, he didn’t feel dizzy, nauseous, or break out in cold sweat. It was strange. But he didn’t think deeply about it. Everything had been strange since meeting the man, so if he were to question strange things, there would be no end to it.ef7b4525bd136ea7

***64ffc5e11788ac56

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The man would open the iron door, and he would be silent. “You won’t even greet me?” He’d grumble, and then there was silence. “Well then, hello to you too. I hope you’re doing well.” He’d greet him, and silence again. The time he spent together with the man had always been the same. That is, until yesterday.fedaf58203cc3e36

With a heavy clunk, the iron door opened, revealing a familiar silhouette – the man. Though his legs were not fully functional, and he could only move his head, his heart had already sprung up to greet the man. Before the man could even greet him, he spoke. These were words he had practiced all night without sleep.8be5496029b39de2

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“Yeah, I think so… too.”80400c693df1422d

The man didn’t seem flustered at all. “Is the new greeting these days ‘yeah, I think so too’, instead of the classic ‘hello’?” the man said, unfazed, as he unpacked the bundle.fa69ec9e90a43176

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He hadn’t expected a particularly special reaction, but he had hoped for a more excited one, so he felt a little disappointed. But he couldn’t just give up on saying all words he had practiced all night. He spoke again.05d6882f3e0cc33f

“I don’t dislike c1ab7f0a85 it.“⁵9ecf6f72cee886fc

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Only then did the man pause in unpacking his bundle and turn to look at him. At first, he seemed to think “I don’t dislike it.” was just a slip of tongue, but when he remembered the awkward “yeah, I think so too”, the man realized it wasn’t said by mistake. “Why are you speaking that way?”cca12b6b97020264

He was going to say “The word ‘dislike’ doesn’t suit you,” but he kept his mouth shut, flustered. Even though he had carefully added the polite ending as the man had described, it seemed he had messed up badly. Seeing his silence, the man didn’t press further, just shrugging his shoulders and moving on as if it never happened.09b1b53492aa6ffb

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Unlike usual, the man was wearing a mitten on his left hand and thimbles on his right. When he stared at it, the man explained, “In case someone tries to bite my fingers.”e5c1447cac7b374d

That wasn’t the only thing different. He always had one bundle, but today there were two.46ae28c447efc16c

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One was 8def25371e the familiar 856831a2a6 bundle of c259b508aa onions, but 987bbdf476 the other 9925985e34 was not. Whatever was inside, its 8182c79378 bulky shape gave the 411c93905b bundle a square shape. He guessed 9837e77234 it was a081241478 a bone. The question was, which 4d87f2731f bone? It was too square 9fa83409e2 to be a skull 45a0d82fa3 and too rigid to 8039eccf90 be a rib. Perhaps a vertebra?67c21713b038e097

However, contrary to his 0b6896ebc7 guess, the next moment 9ba1d55e93 the man pulled something aa762a8ccd out of the bundle b6ff450eac that wasn’t a bone 688a0097d0 at all. Apart from 300a1d4969 being hard, 3f5c380d98 it had 39f7f2a901 no resemblance 4471cb8825 to a f627f730e2 bone.6e4ba9f4448b7b48

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“What’s this?”3b1b899dfeb42874

I don’t 8b1b3cf995 know what 23703f727b that is.0f9f37670304cf4c

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“It’s a book.”b60a19d7b127fec6

Pointing out the cover and pages, the man made the sheets of paper flutter. He wasn’t curious. Among the unfamiliar, strange, and unknown things, the only thing he was interested in was the man.66e0823d0eb971a8

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The more he looked, the more curious he was about the man. He wanted to know him. Every part of the man – his eyes, nose, lips, the dimples that bloomed on his face when he smiled, his hair, the strands of hair that were disheveled around his ears, his neck, his smooth shoulders, his arms, his hands, his fingers, his nails, the hangnails next to his nails. Every inch of the man was a mystery to him.d3aa42463e2ed4a2

With this unsolvable puzzle right in front of him, he had no energy to spare for something as trivial as a “book.”a6d25c8300556565

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“I don’t know.”83240cd446dc34c6

He said, not ending 37983320d2 the sentence in a eeefc9cb39 polite way because he 3090942d9b was afraid the man 7723abb4a1 would mock him.76ac5c290f9d72f3

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“It’s really interesting. Once you read it, you’ll like it even more than just being with me.” The man smiled. “I’ll teach you to read so that when I’m not here, you can read it by yourself.”6ed344856d29692a

He was annoyed. The man was so preoccupied with the “book” that he didn’t care at all whether he spoke politely or not. The man said he would read the book aloud. He had also handed him onions, but whereas they were usually sliced the size of a fingernail, today they were less than half that size.9e32f6e7c94518c3

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The man didn’t even watch to see if he was eating the onions, immediately opening the book. He recited the table of contents. “‘Chapter 1, Down the Rabbit Hole.'”8f4c9b2a340d7195

He stuffed a handful of onion slices into his mouth and started making noise as if he were choking. “Just sit still. Stop acting.” The man said without taking his eyes off the pages. He stopped his act and looked at the man instead. His blinking eyes were fixed on the side of the man’s face.8aeae7d871c273c8

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“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading…”afc110987dcf925a

One page, two pages… By the time the pages had flipped over several times, he found himself crouched in front of the man. When the man read “Alice jumped down the rabbit hole,” they were three steps apart; when he read “and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it,” they were two steps apart; and when he read “Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole,” they were only one step away. He could even make out all the details of the man’s lowered eyes and the length of his eyelashes.14f222c37a612f32

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For a moment, he couldn’t take his eyes off the man.310ddab1d5436eaf

“… ’round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME’ beautifully printed on it in large letters’… You’re not listening, are you?”0e45a40d2cd9fb62

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The man suddenly looked up. Apparently, he hadn’t realized how close he had moved. A look of surprise flashed across his face. As if the eye contact made him uncomfortable, the man tried to turn away, but he didn’t want that.680250cdabc504b3

He leaned in close, almost close enough for their skin to touch if he tilted his head even a little. He couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s eyes. His own reflection was captured in the man’s eyes. He was there, in the man’s eyes.31369ac91ac40177

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“Yeah.”cc11c22e231e2227

His heart was 2c4d3426bc pounding.9fea3a0fb11850bc

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He stopped and d2c10fb6e6 just stared at 1f7da7ea71 him. He had thought staring 30154ce658 at the man would ded72f5e99 be as boring as c4198a4dab looking at the iron 2c86cd851f door, the light bulb, 58d267e95a or the ventilation pipe, 0609b16b3c but he was wrong.f05d5827ddac9df0

It wasn’t boring at all. Examining every detail of the man’s eyes, which parts shone most under the light, which parts grew deepest in the shadows, never got tiring. He felt he could do it for the rest of his life.c3ba5453ecd4e453

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“Uh…”2f909fb7f3db9b10

The man began, fixing 876f47d43d his gaze resolutely on 2efa05a09f a point in the b6b84106f2 air.de687a2939cda995

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“…Don’t you think you’re too close?”c0c35b40dde077cb

Of course not. He didn’t think that at all. No, to be more precise, he wasn’t thinking about anything. He was too preoccupied watching the movements of the man’s lips to consider whether he was close or far, how close exactly, what would be an appropriate distance, or what would be considered too close.0a26fbffc3a024a8

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He couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s lips, how they hesitated and parted when he said “Uh…”, how they formed a circle when he said “too”, how they straightened out and then curved again when he said “close.”d9d7d15ec30a07db

When he didn’t answer, the man sighed, as if he had expected as much. Of course, his gaze still followed every movement the man did, like how the man’s lips parted with the sigh, his brow furrowed, and his body rose and fell lightly.b90309e6a60e0f61

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The man closed the book he was holding and pressed the book’s spine against his forehead, pushing him back. Shoved back to a distance of three steps, he was dazed.fe47a023b788bd6d

But the daze was fleeting. He leaned in close again. He wanted to look closely at the man’s eyes and lips. He wanted to see the long eyelashes surrounding his eyes, and the white teeth that peeked through his lips when he spoke.a6f30c397347520d

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The man 6b2068ebab was firm.3e24c6035c6afb64

“No.”43ddd1b0360aa9ab

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He was pushed back a6435a8907 to the three step 09cf317ce9 distance again.c4d646c5dbd50342

Lean in, get pushed back. Lean in, get pushed back. It happened over and over, and he couldn’t help but feel frustrated. His face flushed red as he panted angrily. His eyes glared at the man, but the man didn’t even twitch an eyebrow.6afa7ec6a717458f

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“Just like that. Stay right there.”0c187703f4f5fd17

He never eb63c3b073 had any 9672927955 intention of ec64cc6394 staying still, e83aea376c but hearing fc479cc3f5 the order 0a4db33df5 made him 67bbd2386d even more 4ef9287f34 unwilling to 224e4191b1 do so. As he was about 90c8981b06 to forcefully lean in cd538a26a9 again, the man raised ecbc358d15 his hand to stop 1b8a68d70e him. Then, the man ad35da2096 said,f14e809b02830158

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“No. Don’t come here.”8569475d24be95bb

Taken aback by the man’s firm tone, which was a first, he hesitated in his defiance. He was suddenly afraid that if he resisted, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.2466de436a581bab

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“Yes, there.”831a5d763a4b5add

The “there” the man was pointing to was the spot where he had been pushed back to, again and again – three steps away. He stood still. Why was the man trying to put three steps between them?58f9894f49d17f49

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Perhaps it 8df7cca48a had some bd72c7891c meaning, like 3b70f61a41 how the f9ef1c7827 hazy smoke 6946535362 filling the e693c63744 room was a3b132877f a signal f1b462baea that work c134e9661b was beginning, f272a3f0b7 or how 4e95d7bd9b the Vice b455598b36 Warden would 783b9464c9 carefully remove 71f87ce54d his watch 2e752d67c9 and tuck eb6dfc0502 it into f39a51277a the inner a33825e900 pocket of e3a0956c6d his shirt 8304831193 was a a0c6c5694a sign that c213268771 he was dd9ccac672 about to e0ec7d3022 be beaten c667901195 up until 441a059443 he coughed f4385651df up blood.4efe5af418aeb08e

He wondered what the meaning of this three step distance could be. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.60e98b3eb67df113

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“It’s a safety distance.”940d9b4e237a7794

His voice was softer than before, but still firm*. Safety distance?* He couldn’t understand why he needed a safety distance when he didn’t bite the man, and even if he wanted to, his body was damaged and he was wearing a muzzle, so he couldn’t bite. It was as much of a mystery to him as why the man was wiping his pus, feeding him onions, and reading books to him.96d5812754674743

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He wanted to ask why, but couldn’t. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, or think he was dumber than a baton or a knife and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.b1cf6b77fae65274

He had 7dc69e175e seen the a482a5fc4f guards who fbe8edcd36 were afraid 006bc993cf to work aa44a99acf because they 1c6eeb3b07 were afraid 61d77e56b8 of being 87bb03d9e5 bitten. Even when they had bfd03aa2f9 batons, knives, or pokers, d0740f2423 every time he bared 78a7fa5640 his teeth and growled, ceaac1a5fd they would flinch and a7ed065ba9 back away.0491ef7de8a4be45

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He had thought they were cowards, but they weren’t. The real coward was him. He wasn’t afraid of bleeding, being bruised, or breaking his bones, but he was afraid of the man leaving and never coming back.6998b0806ab6627a

“I have to go.”72f193dcd73da1bd

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The man pulled up his sleeve and checked his watch. He wanted to break the watch that was taking the man out of his universe, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away.cc4b9107a9e13276

The man grabbed the book and got up. He wanted to see him off, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away. He had to watch helplessly as the man put on his outer clothes, adjusted his hat, and left with the bundle.bb701e8edc2aa249

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“I’ll be back.”51e0d6e4ba8b3b0b

Clang, the metal 9e3566ef5e door opened and 71631ed6a6 closed. The room was f21d1140af empty except for 34c7e951df him and the 6018fc9079 promise.7e25cd7dc72da2a6

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Staring at the closed bad37ed88d metal door, he thought 9391ab0a2d again. Perhaps, contrary to what 179a51de82 he had thought, the 2fe99d3fbf man might not be 4cf3eecc9d something painless. He might be something d10ff544ca that hurt, but in 522790b997 a way he had 3f6609e5f1 never known before.5530f19014ab9aa7

He was afraid 7e183b87ac of the man 03d9682801 hurting him.4a402cdde80f0a46

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***b799103de2f30f17

He never had any eec5357996 intention of staying still, 0bb647cf9c but hearing the order b11cf6344c made him even more 54d0cdeb90 unwilling to do so. As he was about c7bc897992 to forcefully lean in f42fbaf770 again, the man raised 2ec6218c78 his hand to stop 95bc0387c5 him. Then, the b71a587481 man said,53bd1195e5a860e2

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“No. Don’t come here.”9d0295941953b27e

Taken aback by the man’s firm tone, which was a first, he hesitated in his defiance. He was suddenly afraid that if he resisted, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.555cbd6178e8a374

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“Yes, there.”39e680a821ba80f7

The “there” the man was pointing to was the spot where he had been pushed back to, again and again – three steps away. He stood still. Why was the man trying to put three steps between them?57204b4cb579ea50

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Perhaps it 621feca3ca had some 1cf7ac7acf meaning, like 41e6f6e9da how the f3ff9d3b21 hazy smoke 3c3c0f19f4 filling the 4e5e0ee8ae room was 6de40b356a a signal 93511bce44 that work 914c8526c7 was beginning, 986a744a04 or how a35fa8f153 the Vice b6a11ca088 Warden would af647ebb2f carefully remove 69731ed69a his watch 523a271116 and tuck afccd48f16 it into a975e916ed the inner 12bcb83266 pocket of 66b1443bce his shirt 2d0ff631ef was a 99955ad939 sign that 3b796a2d98 he was 08632acd53 about to a0d71f5c00 be beaten 19aa6c774d up until 4f0579f5c3 he coughed a9af4d68c7 up blood.be6be87b63a6310b

He wondered what the meaning of this three step distance could be. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.bfe65293888d2930

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“It’s a safety distance.”fdbbd9e17f2fd6e1

His voice was softer than before, but still firm*. Safety distance?* He couldn’t understand why he needed a safety distance when he didn’t bite the man, and even if he wanted to, his body was damaged and he was wearing a muzzle, so he couldn’t bite. It was as much of a mystery to him as why the man was wiping his pus, feeding him onions, and reading books to him.467d3881def82840

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He wanted to ask why, but couldn’t. He was afraid that if he showed that he didn’t know, the man would come to hate him, or think he was dumber than a baton or a knife and then wouldn’t come back to his universe again.428493d14b3f96c4

He had seen the f0e81b0579 guards who were afraid 782cfa850a to work because they 8ee7c2875a were afraid of being c5553b1fd7 bitten. Even when f9a5352175 they had 20f441abb1 batons, knives, 499b76683d or pokers, 61d54445e5 every time 9f243f3897 he bared f4854f92d4 his teeth ce0c79689a and growled, a0bbb6f434 they would 4ef1920c66 flinch and 804e341baf back away.a74bce201993a7d2

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He had thought they were cowards, but they weren’t. The real coward was him. He wasn’t afraid of bleeding, being bruised, or breaking his bones, but he was afraid of the man leaving and never coming back.4a7666ddc5f61ce8

“I have to go.”f559731bf32fd8c4

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The man pulled up his sleeve and checked his watch. He wanted to break the watch that was taking the man out of his universe, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away.3a0c7f53c2427037

The man grabbed the book and got up. He wanted to see him off, but he couldn’t. The man had instructed him to stay three steps away. He had to watch helplessly as the man put on his outer clothes, adjusted his hat, and left with the bundle.9f8e66031d979524

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“I’ll be back.”0bff5de3de5c1648

Clang, the metal ad6b13b4ac door opened and 7620c36515 closed. The room was 868aabaaa5 empty except for 071977a000 him and the d8cae1a6be promise.539ca968d2995806

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Staring at the closed 8e034db9d8 metal door, he thought 121c4eebbe again. Perhaps, contrary e0854b9531 to what 55a1b75515 he had 5b37f635b4 thought, the c97481d4b4 man might 300306554c not be 45b3eae893 something painless. He might c750b5c351 be something 9b31b82904 that hurt, ad0eb98e5c but in 79ecfefa25 a way f6a9d88c64 he had 3c86208f94 never known 45cdead73f before.2137dfae74379c73

He was afraid 99efe453ef of the man b850369468 hurting him.7a81cb4ce94ffcc9

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***d9b4b09ac4762d1a

Whether he listened or 805e50a6d4 not, the man brought 9316f480c5 books again and again.b9e1a4233737c4e5

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“’It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair’…⁶ You’re not listening, are you?”26a75e43dd2e6710

He answered by shaking his head. He was too busy looking at the man to have time to listen to what he was saying, as he was crouched three steps away. The man sighed. He didn’t move an inch. It was the first time he had ever experienced it, but the man’s sigh scared him. Not only the sighing, but the sparkle in his eyes disappearing was also scary. The man closed the book. Leaving the promise that he would come back, he gathered his things and left. When he returned the next day, the man read a new book to him.81244603330f1079

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“‘Dear Wilhelm, I am reduced to the condition of those unfortunate wretches who believe they are pursued by an evil spirit. Sometimes I am oppressed, not by apprehension or fear, but by an inexpressible internal sensation, which weighs upon my heart, and impedes my breath!’…⁷ You’re not listening, are you?”c16a110be37bfd36

No, this time he was listening. He was focusing on listening to how the man’s voice lowered, rose, shook, and became firm. He could describe in detail how the man’s voice didn’t hurt him, where it was warm and where it was cold, and how the sound resonated. He answered by nodding his head. The man raised his eyebrows.5293173c4790898b

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“If you were truly paying attention, tell me what I said.”0847692b5d7afab5

He was a3245c3551 at a 8c65281560 loss for 655607dc4a words. He had e41edbd222 listened to ecfca0bdd3 the voice, 088f7669e6 not the 27c828fb75 words. There was da3f233c30 no way 824420a4c6 he could 0f7c75a08c tell what 0bf017f412 the man 969f99f59b had said.578174a41666d35c

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“…So I thought.”023f5b33784afdc7

The man let out a weak laugh. He didn’t move. The man’s weak laugh now scared him, unlike before. The sound of “haha”, the way he lightly turned his head without looking him in the eyes, and the resignation in his gaze were all frightening.bf3ffed2165cb249

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The man 06ee4cbcc9 closed the 0ae0629fe5 book. Leaving the promise that b6f0e8dcce he would come back, d24558510f he gathered his things 57bfcec0a8 and left. When he returned e060793824 the next day, 69c3d7abfe the man read e11c921f3e a new book.424fa448a3e92993

“‘As he panted, he lifted her skirt. How could he! They didn’t share even a drop of blood, and yet he was her younger brother. Their strict father would never allow this relationship. Her hands trembled. But despite that fear, her body was soon soaked in his touch. I love you, he said, and then his lips touched hers.’… You’re not listening, are you?”a1a2af546389933c

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No, this time he was really listening. He wasn’t just listening to the voice like last time, but also what the man was saying. He asked a question to prove that he was listening.a18afdbfadaa37c9

“What’s ‘father’?”04056bc081c5f407

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He felt 7cdd4940e5 really proud. Maybe the 840e97f3fe man would 51a988e090 praise him 8e6fdf7600 for listening f59cfb8d3b to the 5edc7cd404 book, but 5787eb7b3f to his 29620eab17 disappointment, the 6ee0f6da10 man didn’t c13f6046a4 and just a2274478a7 gave him e419764b00 a subtle 3fd5a44abb look.7d3fb2d189faa89d

“…You’re curious about that?”f405ec4aa3b521a4

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What a strange reaction. He blinked his eyes. Was he supposed to be curious about something other than ‘father’? He quickly corrected himself.ed14d13991e2f657

“What’s ‘younger brother’?”23323c7ea7b40673

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“What do you mean with what’s younger brother? It’s family.”3f7c477cf5b9963d

The man kept his ec6816215a gaze on the book ef1cc27f21 as he answered. The hand 4299b7cd02 that turned 47d8e2d1a6 the pages 355ca4de07 was pale.6e3561b5efa5f32c

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Family. Family. Family. He rolled the word ‘family’ around in his mouth. But unlike the words ‘father’ or ‘younger brother’, it didn’t seem to stick to his tongue.cb758c4e5a936089

“What’s family?”07f4d2fa0648af9a

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The hand that was turning the page paused, but only briefly. As if nothing had happened, the man kept his gaze on the book and turned the page. A shadow obscured his face, so he couldn’t see the expression the man had.2642269e91e0d019

“It’s a good thing.”612dd046ddb069cf

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He added,7ed9f662c365eb28

“Like friends or lovers… that kind of thing.”c3e52b4d47f69db8

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Friends, lovers, family. The words that the man pronounced sounded smooth, unlike when he pronounced them. He was curious about the man’s mouth. He wanted to know what shape it took so that he could pronounce ‘friends’, ‘lovers’, and ‘family’ so perfectly.46f269d38f134703

“Everyone has them. Some people don’t, but usually that’s how it is.”a751ca59d200853a

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It seems 6fb5f1d274 that people da62ab48d4 generally have 6c19b4ad24 friends, lovers, eb2239d819 and family.He thought about 5f73cc2472 the faces he cb96e06b04 knew.Does Pharrell 5480ce2230 have friends, a1557a1803 lovers, and df65724e35 family? And the Vice Warden, 1f218def9c and the guards?0343432d0ba15fda

What about the ac4e10125d man?0b49722f481b677f

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Does the f26e1d1fc4 man have 223a0ee84b friends, lover, 5c12ee1ab9 and family 6d0f1011ee too?3713236acc7a891c

“What about you?”9a3bd416580e41d6

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He looked at 95172bd889 the man.5f82f643f172dbdc

“Do you have them?”2f0664b17439518b

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Silence.e6e384cb3e4f370a

He tilted his head. The man had never forgotten to answer whatever he asked. There was a time when he had bombarded the man with questions like ‘Is the cover light? Are the pages light?’, ‘What hurts more, the onion itself or its skin?’, ‘How can I bite the watch?’ in an attempt to delay the man from leaving, and the man had always answered. ‘I don’t know, I guess the cover is?’, ‘No idea’, ‘You better not bite it, it’s a very expensive watch”. That was how the man was. It was unusual for the man to remain silent without answering.349fd050619675d8

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He was just about to ask ‘You don’t?’, when the man suddenly spoke up, as if he had read his intention.f2aca246123c632c

“Of course I do.”abe825b3a40bf8dd

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His voice was hoarse.981ba6dca1053b98

“In my family, there are about… thirty-five people. I don’t know the exact number of friends I have, but it must be over fifty.” The man laughed. It looked like he was forcing the laughter. “I have a lover… too. I met him at Mount University in Rewood County, and he’s a wonderful person. His name is… Aaron, yeah, Aaron. He’s kind, fun, and invites me to his place every day. It’s been over three years since we’ve been dating, but it still feels the same as the beginning…”a7fd80898d27718a

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“Then why are you with me?”a61dcc583eb5d770

He cut him e4bd12cf90 off and asked. The man stopped talking. He asked again, firmly.bf2a0d9fa495134a

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“Why are you not with your family, friends and lover, but with me?”6d21bf784520fa30

Silence again. The man’s answer came long after the echo of his voice had faded.ba285d0250bc05d8

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“I know.”885c66c53e3fb0cb

The man gave a short laugh. Again, it looked like he was forcing the laughter. He liked it when the man laughed, but he wished the man wouldn’t laugh if he couldn’t do it genuinely.05f038c768dc3072

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“I guess it’s because I like you.”0269f5e4e0891926

A weak 70b5a4b267 voice fell fbe80f25df from above. The man b5f1031804 closed the baeab1d8d4 book. The hand 576c966a6f that closed 7cff042526 the book 320fe1cef2 was as c4880a88f2 pale as 9cf553c0ce a faded 2b15011c48 scar. Leaving the promise that 6c7a6bfc96 he would come back, 5547dd9b73 the man gathered his b152fc1a8a things and left. When he 105f1b7b6f returned the 90b06c4b5f next day, 4a1a115306 the man 2aa5593974 didn’t bring 21ed680bd6 a book.d3f9f7f0e847b2fe

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He was in his usual outfit, with a cap on and a bundle on his back, but instead of a book, the man was carrying a new thing. It was black, big, and heavy. The man called it a “typewriter”.d651ac3d5eb47e9b

“Watch closely.”a20b7179353f12b0

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The man spoke as if he had been waiting to show him. The weak look from the night before had disappeared, and his vitality had returned. He put paper into the rubber wheel and pressed the keys. Metal rose up with a “click” and stamped something onto the paper, leaving the same kind of markings that the books had all over its pages. Letters.efb27d77071dbc8a

“Ta-da!”25f8deb28884c238

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The man turned to him with an excited expression. But he wasn’t interested in the typewriter. Even if the typewriter could create people, he wouldn’t have been interested. His entire attention was focused on the man. He was anxiously worried that the man would laugh weakly again, his voice would become hoarse, or he would fall silent.24a2959fd1fe74f1

“Amazing, right? Do you want to try touching it?” He urged for a response.0f4d836d1daec81a

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He wanted to answer “No, I don’t want to,” but he stopped himself. He was afraid that answer might make the man laugh weakly again, make his voice hoarse, or fall silent, so he just nodded.45034b0d9137e70a

The man brightened up. Pointing to different keys, he explained, “This one is A, this one is B, this one is C…” But he wasn’t listening. He was just watching the man’s expression, hoping the man’s expression didn’t get worse.c968ec6ec9ed0ff9

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“This is W.” Eventually the man realized he wasn’t listening, letting out an awkward groan and scratched his forehead. Then, the man hurriedly typed something on the typewriter, as if he’d had a flash of inspiration. Then he pulled out the piece of paper and held it out..5c1a4c4aade113d1

“See?”46a0049743fbedf9

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The man d3ac2c2a77 pointed to e62ca32ad2 the black ad779e38b0 characters with 6ed633a0cd his hand.0ef645654b78902d

🙂6e86aa4367b1d91b

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😀328f6b133e4266d3

🙁d9cb59fd64653893

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The man pointed to the first one ( 🙂 ). “This is a small smile,”41069456906e1abf

The man pointed to the second one ( 😀 ). “This is a big smile,”5d4d08a85dd3ce8d

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The man pointed to the third one ( 🙁 ). “This is your expression right now.”8fa3663eac108d9b

He looked at the characters, then at the man, then back at the characters. There was a resemblance between the characters and the man’s face. He picked up the typewriter. He began pressing all the keys on the keyboard, looking for ‘:’, ‘)’, ‘D’, and ‘(‘. If the man’s intention was to get him interested in typing, his action was indeed successful.e5b53d7d45ad4105

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Leaving a promise to come back again, the man left. He also left behind the typewriter and three sheets of paper for him to keep while the man was gone. He didn’t forget to warn him not to break them, saying that if he threw, hit, or stepped on them, the man would scold him.6172821702ad43c9

He typed on 5ff8c19ce5 the typewriter all e3e87a708b night until the 6c31a5eedd three sheets of 7d08e8626b paper were filled 312958422e with characters. Even after he finished c970c78125 typing, the sound ofding, ding, tackechoed in his aadb15b81b ears.dc5eef7ee9158c6d

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When the man 398d5219c1 returned, he handed f3b11d3cc0 over the three 23700cfefe sheets of paper. A look e16eb87e9f of satisfaction 8001cf9f67 was evident d0a262385f all over b94a61ec84 his face.8c31d9418b4986eb

The first page b8089cc183 was like this:bfc5816d2b41d6a5

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab21e8e7692d7b0ea

aaaaaadfwefweurhwiufnvbccdecbac43e89fb039

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pqoerlv:,cfeof.k,.efwfw…wrw7670d304653a3954

sdvfbsfjqoierjwofqwdqjnvvzcc197fec5d609bc5

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The second f6607ba00e page was feaf5135ca like this:47fc33687eb81724

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D1740ac3c56cf61c1

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D7b8c41e4ad1d1baa

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:Da69d31f3f7ecf75c

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:Dbed8eb82d6611ee1

The third 02d8ad5590 page was 0c3a005885 like this:d6b51fd56bc2d7fc

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O:)2760b7e2ad516780

“What’s this?”9cce9a648f74a317

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The man, looking at the third page, tilted his head. “Is it an angel? This is a smiling face with a halo above the head?”45fbcf7c99be2d9a

He shook his head. He explained each part the man had pointed to. “This is a smiling face.”1536762f09c7744b

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The finger that had been explaining ‘:)’ moved to ‘O’. “This is a hat.”ac1617708a919a7f

“A hat? Why a ha…”7cc424c98f24e44b

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The man, c0a93cb0ed who had 60d3a1498d been asking 35b117dd06 as if 0ea132fc95 it were 57c47be619 strange, suddenly 9223b0286a stopped. Pointing to the b90bec763f uniform hat given 1f9430eba0 to all prison 55383d922a guards he was cb1d01cbdf wearing, he asked,178b93640f16e3cc

“This one?”4922d635337f883f

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He nodded. The man 19ebb60f26 was about 557cb2d9ce to say a231d257a7 something but 5db2333451 closed his bd5210fbc0 mouth. He just rubbed his 591f22ac8b forehead aimlessly as if 4b14a9fe65 cleaning his face.7761f4213b48629f

O:) was the man. That’s how the man looked to him.d09ba8a521af580e

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***5a48b9eff845006c

“This is my name.”3d85dd7d6aab2061

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The man held out a piece of paper. The man’s name, written in ink, hadn’t completely dried.8f64a2ede49d9db3

He made a sad face. There was no way he could recognize the man’s name when all he knew how to read and write were :), :D, :(, and O:). As he fidgeted uncomfortably, the man pretended to be distracted and let slip,3d21d4c82603f8b4

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“If you learned to read, you’d be able to know what it says…”13d97cab887e85e8

If I learn how to read, I’ll know what the man’s name is?His eyes lit 4c5268337a up. The man glanced at 87ddda1780 him from the corner 91c6288985 of his eye and 4d22c93d35 let slip again,d9309c43eec81fb6

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“If you asked me to teach you, I might do it…”336fcfbebb3f99d7

Of course, the man 03c6e64e08 would do it whether b081c9f804 he asked or not. The man probably 2093e90e49 knew that too.a3bceecca47f313f

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The man boldly pulled out a sheet of paper and two pens, using the bundle as a mat. He wrote something big on the paper. As he would learn later, what the man had written was the phrase ‘Alphabet Learning Time’.3fc09b7e631a2357

“What’s your name?”447781a5942f3311

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The man ede63bab8e suddenly asked. He just 26821febd4 blinked silently.My name? Seeing his lack of reaction, the man put the pen down and asked, “Don’t you have a name?”d5c8007ce107b62b

But he didn’t. He was sometimes called “you” or “hey” or even “crazy bastard,” but mostly he was just called “dog.” He answered, “Dog.”b5fffe2fec8efe07

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“Not that, your real name.”56f44e378af585c7

The man was firm. He thought about it, saying “you” or “hey” or “crazy bastard,” but those were rejected as well. It was a little while later that the man had noticed he didn’t have a name.2304d1638dc48d65

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“If you don’t have one, we can make one up. What do you want to be called?”73fc44247c8ac863

The man 84027967e0 was calm 7df83895d8 about it. Maybe he b81abe29b2 was just fd5ed0f48a pretending to 930cd91ab2 be calm. Thinking that the name 3abe480871 should be a familiar e9577b5dbf word, or else he 297730fa1a might get startled every 1db976511a time he heard it, 957b3a9ec0 he came up with 78ba4d2a05 his own name.956a6577dfee8038

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“Poker.”684a9bb13c945e03

The man immediately refused. “No.”19d6da9b869e5f48

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“Knife.”232660e368cccf92

“No.”5c9dfc54dbb4984f

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“Baton.”3acad78c2d2176bb

“No.”7a60849406b253b0

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Are poker, knife, 03f1976884 and baton rejected c4aea67218 because they’re things f0cf18b19f that hurt? He pondered and suggested something that didn’t hurt him.500b7340dbb3556e

“The man.”362a21bf5b73d792

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“No.”fae6c665a14d8ff7

Every name he 087ce537d1 proposed was rejected.50a0f45cf7b3fed4

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“At this rate, it’ll take a hundred years to decide on a name.”fd7421863700a54d

The man said this when he had suggested names like “floor,” “ceiling,” and “incandescent light bulb” in succession. The man handed him a pen. He took it somewhat absentmindedly.b3cf5d73e9c6c5f4

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“Let’s just call you Lewellyn for now.”4b6c427462ff3f93

The man started writing something. Slowly, black letters were etched onto the paper. L…96f54d51b0b273d7

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“It’s a good name.”552878f0f05e2c3c

e…, w…6c6d3954520ea667

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“It’s one of the most common names given to people around your age.”7c1a89ccca749161

e…, l…, l…, y…534602692fdf9303

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“It’s a name that everyone in this country loves.”74cdd8015e246079

…n.28ae3eaff8e7fa6f

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“There, done.”f91ccbd0e0631537

He put down 9c13890afe the pen and 3bb1f78fe2 looked at him 87bcfa7701 with a smile.2e96a0d9c0e372d4

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“Do you like it?”01bdec6172cdfed0

Lewellyn liked it 73dae325f2 very, very, very, 5ea9bff6aa very, very much.5f00c454049abefa

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7ce378bebd041c03