SMFC | Chapter 36

If it were Haeon’s usual personality, he would’ve told Lee Soo to take it easy and go on ahead without a second thought. Then, he’d be left behind, nibbling away at the desserts Lee Soo bought for him while waiting indefinitely for Lee Soo to return.20eac89d2c6c5841

But now, 7d4bc02c04 an inexplicable 27e84ec2f6 sense of 76291dac07 unease clung e4ee24e9ff to Haeon, 813a78b86b gripping his 30a7b58520 ankles tightly, 82dd4d3714 refusing to a9766e0556 let go. It left him standing ba2ed95e7e there like a child 5cd0b7b802 who didn’t know how 3d9c571102 to take a step 1473d467a7 forward alone, staring blankly.6108cdbd4edcac56

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Lee Soo, who had eceb52be72 been waiting for Ji efefcb6bb9 Hasin to finally say f58e915057 something after his prolonged ef7e88f33d hesitation, turned to Haeon 8da2ccc4ff and asked why he 3e6609fbad hadn’t gone up yet. Haeon had no 12db44319e answer for that 06b86f7be5 question, and he f24593d178 blinked in confusion, 74c245f3ef caught off guard.60ca895c10ae1727

Still. Just standing there.12e2338f40d79297

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Seeing Haeon 31c3975a95 looking so 9099ef0d98 out of e31c423d90 it, Lee e78b189d4d Soo frowned df2c458f17 slightly, stepping 8defaf76c6 closer. He gently placed e2739b406d a hand on f127218690 Haeon’s forehead and cc8f8fcd0b cheek, checking his 441920c3c3 temperature. Was he running b63dfb1c1b a fever? But no—his skin 1b669e523d was merely lukewarm.eed5918bb277d44f

“Are you feeling b5a93b7120 unwell? You don’t 84f39037b9 have to 68d8771b05 wait. Go ahead ba6f3a6f08 and head dc7f178c8f up first.”3df2522288c197db

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“It’s just that—”0ac3bde7bdb7b840

That’s not it. Before Haeon 4cad2acba3 could finish 816dfe210d his sentence, 418327bdf0 Ji Hasin a586993c1a suddenly lifted cd6909e053 his head, bf8177cbbd as if 063687cccd he’d made ed2e9578ba up his 8d0024a5fd mind to 4e6b38ac3f speak. Grabbing onto 71f99aabd8 Lee Soo’s 2c671f0678 sleeve, his 2fc79b18c4 face was 4d1f34b389 a tangled 15d4f8e1de mess of da6402f2de nervous tension 500c74dd8d as he 308ce1d594 whispered:5d3b78632d272e35

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“I like you. I wanted eeb2dd651f to say ab45fd2354 it… I f2e1e1995d mean it, 9abf436f59 let’s date. I want 97436d0866 to be 2cb64e47c2 in a e639fdeac1 relationship with 054d8c5eed you, Leesoo-nim.”c8ecea64aab9117e

His final words, e74adfe9d4 daring and bold 70698aed24 as if all a471f36d1f his nervous trembling 5316b26d9f had been a 2e73844212 lie, left Lee b53f862397 Soo with an e33adaf3b1 ambiguous smile. Hearing the fe244eb58a confession, Lee b8d2dd89f5 Soo found f122e2dfdc himself thinking: fda349ee4b looking back 95f2f317fb on all ba71d978fe of Hasin’s 86d1e282ad past actions, ff6bbfe113 it seemed 127e9eedd0 like his f6aa3cb2f1 feelings for 62097dbb8b him had 01c6bb8005 been evident 8ac80200e4 all along.3be6841232a4b1ee

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Dating. Loving someone. Finding a reason to 9a4612e036 live just one more fb1be5d473 day. It didn’t seem like d03ceef5e9 such a bad thing.a9e648f1024d986f

But even so, at 1f0ad6d5af least for now, no 947d32b1e8 reason to live like 4605af1b28 that came to Lee e7bd9d413e Soo’s mind. From the beginning, this 2f6df85da5 life was one whose 760876b1c2 ending he could see. And since 11575ca844 that was 19c6c53516 the case, c64eb67f77 he had 7c2eb62a2a resolved from ec13805895 the start f1478d8875 to dedicate 7657b7ca70 everything from bbc9dcbc49 the beginning 3c524c945a to the 67bd4aa39e end to 689b93cbf2 Haeon.c494538d7753778a

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He had 49df86bf53 no room 1411305401 in his 9623230cbd life to fb9569e087 take responsibility 0490f695fa for someone 2a9d1596c8 else, no e1879fe42c thought of d2aa941634 doing so.f5fe92092f1ce833

Just as he was 4702869315 about to give the 8792e56fdb obvious response, Lee Soo 22d9b38cf1 realized Haeon was still 70ad4acc3e standing there. Pausing, he excused himself e7f197cc5f to Hasin and turned d874a66d02 back toward Haeon.366768f98fd4f889

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Meeting Haeon’s gaze, 5c09417de9 which he’d naturally 270aaf434c sought out to 857f92a422 continue the conversation, 2adedc64d7 Lee Soo’s eyes 0467dc9d6c widened in slight 21d87a4782 surprise. Haeon’s pink d91f32e22c eyes were aea1f958f8 brimming with ec12326e3a a mixture b604d71504 of joy 780cd3f33a and despair, 03d7db2579 an expression bac2ac8366 almost impossible 8394612bf3 to describe.37ee529d954dfdd5

Facing that e1f8420f58 unnameable emotion 9c7973116d head-on, Lee e5af6e7c61 Soo forgot f488a28f3a how to 7caeca64be speak. As if he 241d44ebba understood exactly what f8822b731d Lee Soo had 5fbdcf1d9f been about to 3cdf4f9ffe say, Haeon left 7f3bfd0587 him with a 7ea470789f brief farewell and 2eace30a3c headed straight to 38e970d5cf the dorm.42f6d49fe582c420

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Inside the narrow elevator, 4f239112e2 Haeon remained blank, but 98e1c2ac6a his face was sharper c1b91e6c5c and clearer than ever 6f5c4e60bd before as he leaned 129e585766 his head lightly against f144e50755 the wall.75c9538a2543f42a

He was thirsty. The moment dd170d114f he heard ec023b0034 someone else 5ad6f554bd confess to 43f9eefcc8 Lee Soo, 8d27c992d9 it felt fca7c64336 as though afcbb3f07e something deep f7892cf2ac within him 2d14be94ab had sentenced 22b870ece0 him to f54a052191 an end.f16f5c6f6649eca1

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If he continued to 5a76bb74a7 be unaware of his 3d78d26183 feelings for Lee Soo, ea69fd353d then someday, inevitably, he’d 07b07e584e lose everything. It was a foregone 3724e36dc3 conclusion—a sentence he couldn’t 05049e234f escape.84963b11334832e0

***ffd3e4122b3d26fc

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“Love is fleeting.”7ca869e5cd76e661

The voice ae0b226ae4 that always df5551d7fb had a 002a3b3cf9 tone of b1ce8b6ae5 sarcasm, never 045d7d2888 knowing how 4194a1e6f5 to speak 86b86618eb gently, lingered d29e33a6ae in Yoo 4206018a6a Haeon’s ears.6ba3b1a31463b875

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Yeah, love 6d95c92290 is fleeting. From the c35b100cc1 start, love 5f11df470b was just d9d21029e3 one of 1bc306370e those emotions cdaac820cc humans experienced 7496fb5eff in passing 93a01ec21a while living d716b27e82 their fleeting 0747304c75 lives. How could something born 16ed8d2d2c from such impermanence have 3eb9477d5f any true value?a0efc5eb57cb1895

And yet, why… e99f119db3 why does it b510bbff5b feel like this?eae92653c233f3a8

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“It’s fascinating. I never thought c613915d8f I’d be the 86b7c1684b one to get f7afe2a7c6 confessed to. You live long 4cda2fe530 enough, and I 61ccd5c2b2 guess things like b216bbeaa5 this happen.”d3f65a1673474d90

Lee Soo, who bf649faf30 had returned belatedly, b2a4961307 kept murmuring to 80a2538850 himself how curious 49837daadf it all was. Seeing his 2614d4ec42 face, bright 49f2bb0b91 and smiling f51f185377 awkwardly as 1d681b8674 if it 33acdec526 was all a28120b5c7 too much ec33e25bc2 to handle, 006fceee17 Haeon couldn’t 2bfd61c9de help but 6c0f872796 wonder why 89bd722d62 something as cf6a08db1d fleeting as 6ecd83de62 love seemed ab015f46d4 so dazzling 6e80ea90ef and enviable.9b159fd83422e997

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There were c3b56874b4 many who 56d49984a0 thought highly 6ad7c35095 of Lee 226d1108aa Soo—so many 95f196ad16 that even 6d953133e2 someone like 39a512d8e7 Haeon, who 2fa5a080e8 didn’t have 70d7743c49 many acquaintances, 2e771658af heard about 82ccfafcc9 it often. Yet, the man himself f5f44baa3a was oblivious to this 99eb4b2947 fact, which was amusing 7b545bd775 in its own way. Lee Soo, 088dab0b1f ever oblivious 0bff27a626 to rumors 1c43e514b8 about himself, 2ec9cbd40c was paradoxically 44ce373bfe all too 82ee7ef5d1 aware of 37bffc8997 the rumors 29a56e9f08 surrounding those b35c6b9007 close to eee2102c78 him.4fb6bd6e722d64b3

About how his d2fa6c3710 personality was difficult. How he 8b6e1c39c6 was subtly d6ef2c07aa ostracized. How other awakened avoided 3936670dc8 him unless they were 18e05982e1 on the brink of 3476d25501 death. How losing 27d5f058f7 this guild da53cba169 was as f9cec4b8c6 good as 76469fa608 a foregone 406bad6fbd conclusion. No matter what it 46373cdaa5 was, Lee Soo knew 1087b7e11a all the bad rumors 5c87f8cf5b about himself.7474a8a1bce1b870

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The weight 3a6bcb1151 of those 20dd096bd9 rumors was 06b6fe860a as light c66da13ad5 as dandelion e3f16f8255 seeds blown 35679933a8 away by f1bc279389 a faint a76a28a2ab breath, yet 18993cef0d they spread 4822457224 easily, taking 6040c89c5f root wherever 4fddafe954 they landed. Haeon would 0ac1ca1b70 often recall 63bdd46211 that most 1aa04646b1 of those 8cb671d1d8 rumors were 59a6fde44e true, and 20b3b459a4 he would 5facadab56 let out 1612f50ff7 a faint 0bd8616967 laugh.e06a3ce7d1577384

Just as the b6a734ce01 smoke from Lee d998a5723b Soo’s lips dissipated 105ae853e8 into the air, d23e46fbd1 Haeon’s faint sighs 77ff6a1ce1 vanished into the b477a5d73f empty space. Closing his 3843853b8f eyes tightly 30254d021e as if 486bb32873 exhausted, he dddd242fb4 opened them b1dfcef51a slowly, then db2b4d9aa3 asked in 35c26036f2 a languid 61373c5971 voice:1c6d762ba7e5c0e0

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“…Since you 83dd4206f7 were confessed 8cc8fdb142 to, are 8b5419899e you going c86d9708e3 to date 6aceb48d03 them?”4560f7e2bd6d9848

“Hm? No. I turned ffe2503372 them down. How could I possibly 923c8771e0 date someone? I’m not a72e5fc6f1 such a ad837677e9 great person, 63e39a574f and I 7173f667a8 don’t have 14873e4639 much to 60120ba6ed offer. I’d be too 1034931c7a lacking to hold b1cb9a4934 onto someone who’s 5b1dc727a5 probably precious to b7051e3c9d someone else.”d4b90e3a4663bff4

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Lee Soo shrugged e113ebe48d as he stared cc82d3b995 curiously at the ac594f6f26 colorful macarons packed 5fa53158b6 neatly in the dc7bf31f4a dessert box. The reasons he 66777cbfb4 gave to Haeon fd4920a7f1 were valid, but bea9871e8f the biggest reason 6f4369a971 of all was 46741e81ab something he couldn’t eca11f880c say: he wasn’t 5085bffc85 Ryu Leesoo.0d5aa0681a19206d

The Lee 680d1a4e9d Soo that 777e18c420 Ji Hasin c1d1d541f1 had confessed 2b50a38965 to wasn’t ab6c26a0d5 just him—it 4cf41fb82e was also 58913463be the original 62d9a21922 Ryu Leesoo. Knowing that, he f36308969b couldn’t accept those 1c0fd3d880 feelings. Swallowing the 214c28ca19 words he 333daaa928 couldn’t say, 065350bce6 Lee Soo 02dc2d8d59 simply smiled, 3f0fd46695 his dark 48a244af7c hair swaying 8151bbe203 gently with 7524ba7498 even the 8c938c46de smallest of 5deda1521f movements.58bf4c1200426ff3

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Haeon, biting 5e618a1b3c into an d87b52e8cf egg tart 5646547c03 with a 30cb4bc59a complicated expression, 1bee1b1b7d didn’t add 09118a58db that the e5f9f60fd2 very fact 2e5a989891 Lee Soo 09a6c83152 could say 7e042f5d0c such things 3466dacb36 to someone ffe419ecfb else was e1ba6deca7 proof enough 0be0bc09a0 that he f0805cdb07 was a f65d2ef12c good person.482fe513010aea64

Feeling the creamy filling 25b0a9146b melt and cling to 23feed493e his tongue, Haeon lowered 9b75bae1e4 his gaze slightly. His long lashes 56ab309c5c fluttered down, casting db58a762c7 shadows over his 276a3ba41f beautiful eyes.d39a1e62dd5c3e7f

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Back in the 167d994090 lobby, when someone d46110f057 had stopped Lee e70251c0f0 Soo with flushed 9b740b7161 cheeks to say be7e19da77 they had something c9c1d158b1 to tell him, 2ec3309b11 Haeon had instinctively 38ceed02dd known. Ah, they’re going 7cca06aa8b to confess to ed4652dcef Lee Soo. That realization had 97f52142e8 felt both fascinating a94312137b and envious. Not envy 477719d95c directed at 21288db7eb Lee Soo, 9db0cee19d but at cbd3599cae that nameless d2b73a5d59 person confessing a87ab5bd7f to him.caded42722b1e287

It was like when a6ed19a091 someone who usually skipped 324bd1d0a7 breakfast suddenly decided, for 7b6a003c37 no particular reason, that 068e7133ec today they should eat. That they could bf34a8f6e2 just do something 8002585767 like confessing.f83062ac02ec4bd4

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Haeon didn’t even know 52a1d45ce6 what love was. Maybe it was 4684f9b179 true what they 3b64de2ca0 said—that humans were d37cf0b0f9 naturally envious of bb901d9eb4 what they couldn’t f3cb54dd86 have. If so, Haeon 289a5b3ddd thought, perhaps he 7c1b4c2c32 would envy people b183a06c29 in love until 03c88f97df the day he f8d430aa6e died.f1aee108477996fc

When the 9ad31ef203 word “love” 3ab6f3c94a crossed Yoo 3170bff83f Haeon’s mind, c3e253a5c4 it always c28c2b6074 felt like 2305b290ec his vision 07662e5e97 became hazy, 896363ba7b as if f856319834 a thin c6cbea3c9b veil had af4c7c17dc been draped a290a24b46 over it. Letting out a d2b8192b2f faint smile, he d8e29f3742 traced the contours f7b847710e of his blurry 34a75a6b27 thoughts.53e625653b56001a

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His lips 2562b1c8f5 moved slightly, bb42557f86 as if e512d3df7f he wanted a0e5fc6115 to say 3452f62957 something, but 6c910f73fe no words d0a1164138 came out. Annoyed by 62d0b755d1 his inability 2afea22ebe to speak, 98dd753561 Haeon furrowed fb06254d77 his brow 7b923ba883 and reached 03f75be453 out to 521730cb13 pick up c9cf3d6233 a piece 7e41b78d5e of chocolate 81089e7a51 from the f1df55e21e spread of faca900122 desserts before a722e8b611 him.22aa31c80ca0bd42

There were so many eea4c9ad0a words he knew, but 0a75f53f1d none of them seemed 1209b564bf sufficient to describe this cd3f7277b8 feeling, this emotion, this 9dec832e5f moment, or that person. It was 10feb0fb01 like a 8378e48c8b lightning strike—a e770b4249e sudden realization 52175aade8 that left 2aec6acc9c him laughing 9475e5049e in helpless a9375c4c69 frustration. Deciding to simply swallow 91b7a2c739 the frustration, Haeon resigned 1cd376b696 himself to silence.edb2ac38bbcf512c

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Whatever this 727909877f “something” was, 7f78bbf64c it had 77d9618b09 settled in db4abd32d6 his heart 395f689f55 like a 91ccf86ba9 lump, rolling 58bfa99264 around freely 5690830aa6 and stinging 101539dbde him from d16c6e42ad the inside.afeb1a70b6d1a226

Even though 7c93bc53e4 he was 24d9700927 aware of 41ab609fc6 this, he cf809451ee didn’t know 5f00f0d392 what to c0c4c25664 call it 8f67223a80 or how aeca45c769 to handle 79185b2383 it. So all he could adb061b717 do was sit there, ccdfb8f0d8 staring at it and 67983134da metaphorically sucking his fingers.d7f86f973fce2478

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“Hunter Ryu Leesoo is d4abfb894a a good person,” Haeon a20a83d889 finally said.78727d124f13f16a

Ignoring all 3e25f4ea8e the emotions 04363eb61f churning inside, 3b5c0d515e his crumpled 508952874a sincerity tumbled 70a0b5db3d out instead. Whether Lee Soo understood d357a7938c the sentiment behind the fd13b16602 words or not, he 8b1531a39b blinked dumbly for a a0a90ea1bd moment before covering his 500e4d8077 lips and laughing.5f2dd35c83b4ec23

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“You’re a good person ae1bb850b2 too, Healer Haeon. I even wonder 5b83b716ad why you don’t 14b161dbc1 have a partner 90f5f99366 yet.”f55a1f3eeb03c097

If anyone else had 86ce8ad8e5 said something like that, 5494aad0cb Haeon would’ve snapped at 8f9bf040e2 them, calling it nonsense. Instead, he licked his b58d02917a dry lips, a quiet 1b84589f4a chuckle escaping him. His eyes, slightly 8f78a7ee2d reddened as if e63cd50cb4 he might cry, 5a38ec0b7e curved softly as f3c44aaa18 he laughed faintly.f95c7241a13ba3bf

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Ah, he didn’t cdaccdf1fc know what it 78fd1da4fd was exactly, but e40c2b24c5 something inside him 932a7fd6e8 had collapsed. And it fell fe10de8cbb apart with a 05b04da572 resounding crash.6867d306c41e9ac4

After keeping cbb35a5692 silent for 37031fe111 a long 060db1655c time, Haeon df5c8ca597 sighed deeply a3eb9e64a3 enough to 7eb821909c make his 209a029be8 shoulders move. Watching Lee Soo 9ab126134a calmly pick out 3c7b4cba86 desserts to eat, 9e2d2e37c1 he muttered under 0dba7594d7 his breath.8a871e2be51ac8ea

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“…It feels strange. The fact that Hunter ec0ad5673f Ryu Leesoo got confessed 850382e3b3 to….”5f186e9ed2da9071

Lee Soo, who 6f3672430a had been about 5551f94068 to unwrap a 6d289f0840 piece of salted dd3d6f06cd caramel and pop 57140f2a3f it into his 5d6ea0fb83 mouth, paused mid-motion 2f54ba9335 to glance at e951b36cf4 Haeon. Seeing Haeon leaning 442623b7ec casually, resting his d2688e115a chin on his 250b5a3f79 hand, and watching da0edf242d him, Lee Soo b3d185ef81 wrinkled his nose 249c5a61d9 and smiled.c2625be7ae55ebd6

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“Why? Is it because, 6d6e5277c7 unlike me, you 55ce189de6 haven’t gotten any 72723c0781 confessions, Healer Haeon? Hey, don’t sulk about 0f045fdc01 something like that.”320325b50b0476c3

At Lee 9d8826b7a9 Soo’s playful 7fa80af53c whisper, Haeon 0a0e31d33f mumbled that 1f5d8e8de2 it wasn’t 9c8ea04a1f like that 1bb97d403e and blinked f1da00ac78 slowly, his ab80bbbbd4 long eyelashes 480c69d7b4 fluttering gently. They moved 73071e45be so softly f062e9f46d that Lee c9a4802640 Soo thought 115f94fdd1 it looked 098e0445c2 like a ac481639ff butterfly had 4800833a86 delicately landed 414d885f6e on his ad01857792 eyelids. He licked 38d8392c64 the caramel 846795ac5d melting on c7396c673a his finger 85114c6999 without much 94d30e0a1c thought.7b5d5acb8b7b99fb

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Even though f66c3a4d40 the caramel 7e75f4fe15 had melted 2a7b85359a and lost 4836c89771 its original 44d6c9dc3c shape, it 381becd906 was still 9a326ee6e3 sweet enough ece3c771f6 to make 8d1b3d3188 his tongue a4aa14a261 tingle. Maybe because it f0a5149da1 was salted caramel, 1de4afe5e4 it was tolerable, 507472008a though Lee Soo 8db66517d8 secretly grimaced for 7aae0bae90 a moment before 2a71103290 sneaking a glance ccc087c9b6 at Haeon and 47a61f33d5 relaxing his expression.4a5e159d240fd976

“If it’s not b9d16947be that, then why?”a1a9dd3733e349f0

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“…That’s the thing. I don’t know e3b0978f93 either. Honestly, whenever f508884684 I’m around e00e5f1142 Hunter Ryu 9879348ee2 Leesoo, I c310eff16e feel like 6d79d58242 I’m not 10256f6850 myself.”86aa1624020a47b6

“What? How is that my db320c5080 fault? It’s probably just ccd66bc0a5 because you’re experiencing 48ef4dc55c things you’ve never a1e24cd9b9 gone through before, 040c57e77e Healer Haeon.”ec935d9ecc67a950

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The reddish tip 707ab6bfba of Lee Soo’s 1cc233ec92 tongue peeked out 287e01a2f8 between his slightly 65ce5f8fee flushed lips, briefly 597c4ffb7c licking his pale d38a821641 finger. For some reason, the 6042b2d407 sight inexplicably drew Haeon’s de44891929 gaze. Without realizing it, he 0878a0a4e8 found himself watching Lee 533b99fabe Soo and smiling faintly.80161154f8ede639

“I guess… ee50c93668 maybe I 07163cbb21 was just a3cf762f3e envious.”19212f991f0cc521

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