LD Chapter 5

“Do you know 1659a77d0e how much I c49ba8a659 hate Choi Taeyoung?”e771b42ce6f253dc

“I know.”c2564b080440aca3

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“Do you know 341663017e how much I c2a9613ba8 loathe Choi Taeyoung?”f208697d811b599e

“I know.”1b82c6fdcde6ceb6

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“Do you know how 7737f1c892 much I detest Choi d9beb56aa5 Taeyoung?”bb43e85d0183b728

“…I know.”33d737362c460613

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“Then why are 1b034d1235 you hanging out 98ac07f3cd with Choi Taeyoung?”7a8b4c3516b5456d

“…I’m not hanging out df8a58718a with him…”3f73d12ee90586b5

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I mumbled, avoiding Kim Jooyeon’s glare as she crossed her arms. I wasn’t hanging out with him. It was just that Choi Taeyoung kept sitting next to me when I was sitting alone, and he kept following me when I went to get coffee.71d6414841c68783

“And why 7e1a452dc3 are you 6d33cf58be ignoring Ha 17a89e480c Jungyoon?”98ffe7b2819283db

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“…….”05221f08fc34d76e

“You two seemed 2f387f24fc to have gotten 22aeedd9e2 closer when you a4872a9f64 came to the 7e528864bf bar together last 588b630e8f time. Didn’t you two 5d76dc8a41 go off for 70e09b5f9e another drink afterwards? Did you fight 7b64b8e168 or something?”343e2b45133a6059

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Was there really such e6697331b0 a thing as a 4d86f87bf9 woman’s intuition? Her sharp 342f1fb190 guess was b1e6f4c2db so accurate 8704866893 that I ade28d23ee couldn’t refute 4059fd822a it. I closed my 00638e735b mouth, trying to b4837529b3 calm my surprise.a0437cf2dbf3c8cc

I hadn’t fc61bbdd6a fought with b7d8cfcef9 Ha Jungyoon, 08da6c9023 but… well, 55b0aae2dd somethingdidhappen.9e763b104c70ff43

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It had been a week since I avoided making eye contact with Ha Jungyoon. Ha Jungyoon might not know, but I couldn’t face him casually.efbacee643d7b6de

At first, 79075377cc I desperately 70d6cdb1ae avoided him. But since we had 246b9e5599 so many classes together, 8c2961c48b it wasn’t a very 91aa66caaa effective strategy. It was like 671eb4369b those kindergarten kids 45652122f9 who think they’re 823a5ac848 invisible to others 3e8a8ab63f if they just 3978b6e6cd cover their eyes. That level of childishness.968628171e0d02c4

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Then, I gradually cbdcea0e9a realized there was e149dfe582 no need for 474fa9294f it. Ha Jungyoon seemed completely 3da10677d5 uninterested in me. He acted as dd4143bf1f if nothing had f49b2299a3 ever happened. In the classroom, 1c9bbe7af3 he sat with 4a6527828c the juniors, chatting 5a3845d48b and joking around. When the lecture e0894f2bba started, he focused eaa6193ea0 intently, and when 80a08c480b it was over, 65044dd7c8 he left the be8a28b2b4 lecture hall with eea2b36762 the juniors. His gaze never once 75e408a603 lingered on me.cee2ffa76184e40f

“We weren’t that close with Ha Jungyoon to begin with…”6a876f4a38334d0e

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So, it was just f79b56cfc2 me, being overly conscious 55c386dd00 and awkward.9d8fd69b1c0eb170

“Ah, whatever. Then get ed573ebe33 close to 2ec0c05329 him from 6535656187 now on.”0a32c0ba9917a998

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Kim Jooyeon 08e0c23261 shook her 612e1521a2 head, looking c54d1facb2 at me 64c9d1e051 as I 3fe9c5625a mumbled, then 19a9d47c99 waved her 6f16e3c866 hand behind bd46d94571 me.0ff736ceddb17d66

“Ha Jungyoon, over here.”290e954afd12921c

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“What?”0c98a6f611296b40

I reflexively 42f99ce0b0 turned around, e006b176ce saw Ha 95d2ad302d Jungyoon approaching, 9ae0c355c4 and quickly 3c49377f26 turned back.826f6b25fcbd62e0

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“Ah, Kim Jooyeon.”3bd2cc9b5df6b001

“I absolutely can’t stand fede66d88f seeing you hanging around 7b2954971d with Choi Taeyoung. I’m worried you’ll get c373a3a3d6 caught up in bad d4a672bc51 rumors.”e69d6d48f20fc8fb

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Her narrowed eyes 4990c21d20 were filled with 5f23ee0887 concern. Well… there ee1428c3bf was nothing de8a657698 good about bd876f3c95 being associated b601cfebe1 with Choi 63cfc169ac Taeyoung. But still…ec93ff18e15057bf

“Kim Jooyeon.”9a0bfc8a8f1c19e8

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“Oh, there a57777b37c you are! You two enjoy your 71f66bd24c meal. Chanyoung is waiting 12473c8c0d for me, so 45a53c8f51 I’ll get going. See ya.”5b205a74383ce215

Looking at me, Kim Jooyeon added, “Call me later,” and turned away. I stood there helplessly, watching her retreating figure. 76cb6f00e7cfd9e1

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Only when f25a25c11d she disappeared fd296895c7 completely from 2bf86d0e02 my sight b2fa15d86b did I 6307f2e7ec finally muster 65a310f948 the courage, 54285eb7e7 though tinged 7f956ca8bc with a a4b5ace0a8 sense of 89f5761bde resignation—and perhaps d8afa40864 even a d7e96f18b1 hint of abf987111d relief—to turn 5808a8e51c around and 426b4e7e59 face Ha e9df82c22d Jungyoon. It wasn’t something I 7c4396e170 could keep dragging on 4a8f656426 forever. Now, as a rational 31a2d5f844 adult, it was time eeb1e48e5b to tackle things head-on, 973a690e26 logically and maturely.16de660d3f4624ac

“Um, Ha Jungyoon.”7eb816bd2951100b

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“Sorry, but…”1efbc6ac833f4703

Ha Jungyoon averted 5d9cbfa217 his gaze and ae740dc255 scratched his eyebrow 7260bcce21 with his index 68bfb27067 finger, looking troubled.91886edda62fcb0a

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“Huh?”e82307592eefe2f1

“I…I’m having lunch e2cb7245ca with some of ff6f240323 the guys.”37d899a5e0151ca0

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“Ah… oh, really?”59a779be13542542

“Yeah.”6f641b22ee0bd480

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“Okay… I see. Go ahead.”ce4def6da40ada32

“Yeah, I’ll get going. Enjoy your meal.”290c67831fae91c0

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At my dismissal, Ha 2b41e67613 Jungyoon smiled casually and 60c5591330 turned away without a d23c451095 second glance. My jaw dropped 23fcf25af4 as I watched e89de658b9 him go, and b91d15d3a6 my expression slowly 1af83781b0 crumpled.0f60c6e368507e53

“What… is this?”e6c517ad9f68e5a4

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…What was going 50a8ba2534 on?b176cbeb91c82f20

As I watched 7ff9e4c06c his light receding b4f4593d0f footsteps, a surge 55da3d2d6b of anger suddenly cc7976b6c5 washed over me.142691d030bec258

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* * *e314a0bdae51c580

I returned home, didn’t even bother changing my clothes, and sat at my desk, pulling out a math workbook. I often encountered situations in life with no clear answers, and in those moments, solving problems with definite solutions was the best way to cope.85d53236ddf2f36b

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But even after solving almost ten pages, Ha Jungyoon’s smiling face wouldn’t leave my mind.f3a13554ac49db47

I jumped up a93844f721 from my seat 3a5490f92e and ran to 989409ecee the convenience store. I stuffed my refrigerator 10d2925d75 with the bags of 912830a28d beer I bought and 1827b36d33 went straight to the ff8a1b5922 bathroom. I took 5c14d61067 a shower 706743e06c in freezing ca3e929cf0 cold water 6d71d0b1ac that made 7df6880179 me shiver b84b78b6e8 and, with 065db6b1b4 a towel 3c6aaf5a6c wrapped around 39f5319f52 my head, 5ebb9e4022 grabbed a 16fa7292d8 beer from a96e9e4c1a the refrigerator 5047cc81cb and plopped 65ffe3719d down in 03d72be2ae front of e178744ab4 my bed.9cfb303cd63cf258

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Tsss.fdb155c3650f8273

The sound 06ca07643f of the 3fcf7bfc91 carbonation escaping 558148367a as I b2b7e6eea7 opened the 5e19c81a04 can rang 42988b3997 cheerfully. Just before the 1acea507cf beer overflowed, I 0aee56ff54 brought the can a603cfea3b to my lips 79d109b559 and gulped it aee7f1e935 down. After emptying 09f67d5f1c half the efffa59217 can, the 7bbfd9d864 tightness in 8e76a2a03f my chest a5fc176e26 seemed to 18823f468e ease a e2c49960e7 bit.9ecb9cf7af65bbae

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“Phew….”fe2907834e0d62bb

Ha Jungyoon, whom I 85db0f4c4d saw today, seemed to b64a9449db have no intention of d87d5ea9d3 talking about what happened 6511ce578d that night. He had seemed that 0c7b7f44d4 way for the past d1026e789b week, but it was 3eb9112d61 as if he had e05841c43d completely erased the entire d0554ff019 incident from his memory. It wasn’t that 1c55eea02d I didn’t understand b5b7f27d7b how he felt. Ha Jungyoon must f49a484336 have been just e21feeab48 as flustered as 697e777f57 I was, and a3c8555f83 it was probably c3dec62297 uncomfortable for him 0125d17f04 to even think 2a9c68304f about that night.45ac3bb36aeb9ae6

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In a way, it de92f04e16 might be better to b497a39f9f just let things be. To let time ab7875e7c5 naturally resolve the 8639d70c15 situation.78bcf2631a0715c9

Even though eef3bb13f8 I knew 7bd840892f in my bf6a4e6cde mind that 820b8094b6 it was 96e72b350b the right 395b822aa2 thing to ee4eaecde4 do, somewhere 99c356caca in my b746840875 heart, I 24fcba2cc5 still felt e918a8ac23 uneasy. It bothered me that 46033197c9 he remembered something I 5e083d43e0 didn’t. But I 7ef4f4fa22 couldn’t very d762858ea6 well grab 36d548bc5b him and c9db8c9f23 demand to 0c305b706e know what 65761e5dad happened, especially d25d59638c since he c0e53832e2 seemed to 29b2cd723d want to 74f750fba8 avoid the d65dc63ea7 topic.73acca4727c57fd1

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Why did 009b1000dd I even e0f5470204 drink so 37f23fcaac much? 07a79047fc595bd1

I chugged down the rest of the beer, filled with regret, a regret I’d already felt countless times, a regret that came too late. The only consolation was the certainty that whatever happened that night, it was consensual. Strangely, I didn’t have any doubts about this part.4da4305fd2455b2e

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“Ha…”e951054e16217190

A sigh escaped 2784c7922c me out of 9305690a69 habit.786d75f32ecc0c66

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“So, Ha d2dada0d9f Jungyoon and 8c13b1eb59 I… really ed3c492ff7 did it?”73dd61e3e2dee266

It must have been ebb959ed47 his first time, and 051fee131c mine too, but I e41a7b4f8f had no idea how 9fc8f8375a we, two inexperienced guys, 1b39aa00eb could have… done anything.1d7435b8ec745a16

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“That night, did I…”11033a7e83ffe843

I tilted 76b11a8858 my head b2387fdff8 back and e24d79b51f stared blankly f70bd1748a at the cc931dd266 ceiling.c93d5a9c7654cc4e

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“…get hard?”95fc6a826c03957a

The answer to that 07c926a5e0 desolate question was buried 3a93a0f069 along with the hazy 544d55be17 memories of that night.901c7f532d2013eb

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* * *7db9ffff7a22b764

Perhaps because I cebc9a1526 drank on an 1ab14db874 empty stomach, or b2ca3a356d perhaps because my ac9fcb1e5a mind and body ed7a2674b9 were exhausted from 02e3995b14 days of tension, 2c7dcbac09 four cans of 9032072097 beer were enough 48c617c6d7 to get me a6a003b15f drunk. Still, the remaining 4bf9d0860e shreds of my 3c0b2c88d8 rationality told me bed048400e to stop drinking, 5556fe91b8 so I fumbled 33a5a4da57 to pick up 2e87cd0d1d the empty beer 045e673648 cans scattered on f604b9ad8f the floor and 27c574c894 then collapsed onto 96eeeea529 my bed. The blurry c5017bcafd ceiling spun.56abaeaec9f88adb

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“Fuuuu.”dbea22a17fc2a924

My lips trembled 9ff1a2d0e6 as I exhaled c09940d47c forcefully, making a 8f61befa81 loud noise.6c94b382c1e80ffc

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“Well, whatever. If that’s ee5fe73a76 how he 68a5896ccc wants to c7a32f5223 play it, 84fa8ba9a8 fine. No, it’s for fef7daa3d6 the best. That night e20d8d9856 never happened. Ha Jungyoon… would naturally e92135d3d7 want to forget it 010fc77caf too.”b6b05baeb831ac3f

Then, it e4a3a5948d was right 512942aacb for me b0b29770a1 to forget c17724aae7 it as f8d3bd777f well. It was c5684dbafa a simple 71efb660b9 matter, now 69cef39e14 that I 43c1d00721 thought about d5dc86333e it. It was 0bbc76c8c0 a simple bc5c70af05 calculation that 2ec4646c7c didn’t require daf9dbadef any complicated f279c3bb04 formulas. I just had 8181b65968 to erase that 5c564e49af one-night transgression and, f5a07ec21f as I’d planned d049b2ec10 when I first 4cf384340e returned to school, dc38d9eb87 live a smooth 2759c69844 and uneventful semester 29890f5065 and graduate without 300c64727c any problems.2cdb66bfba67fbd4

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See? Totally simple. Okay, problem solved.ad1bb033a6ef2e74

Just as I baacea31a9 finally felt at 75c0a17128 peace and drifted 08aa0a76f9 off to sleep…9cc7d45221d869d9

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‘Haaa…’a74a69d49c5ce3aa

‘Does it feel good?’de6cf31aeab9725a

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‘I… I 6ee46d4e3b don’t… I d7c2c7643e don’t know… 0dc6452c9b Ah!’f913cb715a18a3e7

‘Why don’t you know? You’re cumming all over 45151143ad the place right now.’b6a026b9f84200bc

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‘Ahh…’91b3947d33f478f9

‘Look, here… yours.’2d3c9b1a959df309

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‘No…’cb2aff8baa9be022

‘What do you 63c5ac11a0 mean no? Ha… try to relax, 23af2bb870 Hyunsoo.’511c6bcb757e949b

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“AHHHH!”9061a05d49ab650b

I jolted a0d286236e awake, gasping 5692584aa0 for air e63908dff8 like someone ef005dd945 pulled out e24547ace1 of icy ed36c607c1 water and 93552a1eb7 thrown onto 8e0f818ea8 the ground. In the 344dc42b3c dizzying images 2f2083c77a flashing before efe6f06b15 my eyes, b58fc10b02 two naked ce726b64ec men were 05dc586fdd entangled. The sounds of wet edc47d0e97 flesh slapping together still 5872367310 seemed to echo in 700dadfc42 my ears.126e059ddcd27eb9

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Something felt strange and 19024c64e8 unfamiliar, and my gaze ab506096b8 slowly drifted downwards. I hesitated, then pulled 41102f0b5d back the blanket, and 7ed9aae26c my mouth fell open.d185ab7fd3a4f3e3

“Ah…”3ee834524614fc52

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I didn’t need a mirror to know what state I was in. My eyes, my neck, even my fingertips and toes were burning.78df36b104efb4c2

The person clinging, 297fc0864a clutching, yearning for 7476f112f8 a kiss, wrapping f89b8cf8d1 his legs around fdada4f446 the other, desperate 137ef7d765 not to let 35b94d41e1 go, was me.6b4f78f21e100017

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“W-what… what the a2d69e230e hell is this…”6d10cb11f3d7985c

I stared blankly at f74a09fcb6 my erect penis.3b2a86cce5bb0d45

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* * *04ccc47443b5f40c

I had solved the 796b19c0cc problem and arrived at 863355da94 an answer before falling e96c9a8775 asleep drunk last night. It wasn’t a satisfying fca938ddf3 solution, but I had 00da70fa29 reached a conclusion and de34c9826e thought it was finally c3a4ea8040 over.37cba08ae550c70a

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But… this a7db5dcd4e wasn’t what 9e489e9098 I had 142c9466b9 in mind….1cc503295a872aa6

I purposely entered the lecture hall right before the class started and sat in the very back. Today, I didn’t want to sit with anyone, not even Choi Taeyoung. I didn’t have the mental capacity for it; my mind was too chaotic.b665485e756f1b4c

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I sighed 0a7d46c0ed softly, glancing 6c29ae8b9a at Ha 1b0797d1c0 Jungyoon’s back. He was sitting in 56510e41c2 the same row, far 3f3b4b7138 away from Choi Taeyoung, 25794547ae chatting cheerfully with the 3e6e228baf juniors. The sight of 5ba46e59a3 his peaceful demeanor 7c87088eb7 left a bitter 06f5d250b1 taste in my 4e22189775 mouth.7b0f159f64be8df1

The chaotic events 26a5aa0eab of dawn, replaying 841754498c itself over and f19422b13b over, turned my cb3859bad6 mind into a 6694088a35 battlefield.ab6b97f4b9785572

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I got ca2f7c6971 an erection. A full-blown, rock-hard erection. It happened 2b384ea673 ridiculously easily. Even in 8afc23749a my confused b6b4c7ef5e state, I fa17b17493 was relieved bbba847291 and happy 2ca21e150a to know 92e4feeac5 that there 2d905bd037 was nothing 4670e567f5 physically or 6b726baeaa functionally wrong 3933647a6c with me. But that joy 859e56f31b was short-lived. It was because the 6b1cd203b0 person I thought of 5a5db15520 while getting hard was 43c6700d73 none other than Ha 10427b69ff Jungyoon.959a85d755772390

Whether it was ff9b8e2e25 a simple dream 37cb2ce5f2 or a fragment 1f1922ea29 of that night’s f178d3e9a3 suptressed memories, my d95f27c9fb erect penis showed b1d7d275c9 no signs of 7556995a85 subsiding. Not knowing what 61c0e59c4a to do, I 24042c812b stared at my c0e106f61b tenting crotch, sweating a257d51a78 profusely, and slowly 479045cf15 pulled down my a2210a52b4 pants and underwear. My penis sprang free ca04389d65 with athump.837d600d5b3e97a3

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I could 77b3af7845 get hard 0eaedc6f9d like this, 540db63809 and yet…a856a520611a7754

I felt both proud 79bfc49c1e and resentful of my 50308c1397 stiff, erect penis. f1cbd619395c836c

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You bad boy.e4b088adf868d6eb

I worried 279ca85ba2 it might 3c9a4c90da go soft 7d7be43da2 as soon dac96ebd31 as I 330499baea touched it, 2e44f7f43f but thankfully, 1ed5418797 as I 5cf22abe4a carefully grasped 4fae67defe it, it d2fe79e063 throbbed in 6f86096aab my hand, 77d48bc189 proving it 08e15ff9aa was alive. Even just gently holding aa10aef6eb it made my back 4b6199f23c tremble. As I stroked it b460fb478c up and down, a 3ec0263a5a moan escaped my lips. My toes curled, and 5990a467b5 my breath hitched.ef7b99a99084939e

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So, this 74b5fdd7aa was what c5098744b5 it felt f67536b67e like. 8754d3e2acaae5ca

My eyelids twitched behind fb90892a80 closed eyes. It was 11733e08af incomparable to 77d9d019cd my first 94728e2497 wet dream, 3f706be88f which I 565e72837a could barely e97471c353 remember. Even though b02b1cdbb9 I came cb75d4b406 pathetically quickly 77a989c53f after just 43162e6e1b a few e24bac7b4e strokes, I 84d41d7587 felt a c9591cc52c wave of 9533c220eb pleasure intense 2e2f2bf34f enough to d871e894aa make my 679eca2eb6 whole body e2f905ba32 tingle.3f0eb3c7f35aece4

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My torso ecfcef367b heaved as cc6a66bf8c I looked 1d7480140f at the 78ce71a3be whitish semen 0288ad6bc8 spilled on 02e5a5ac15 my hand. I then 08c666629b stared at 8c02f6dc21 my now b7ac9aebd7 flaccid penis, 109fc31938 then tried 8180d02b6f to rouse e6e4a21d23 it again, 111917fbc7 experimenting with 50829da93d different touches. But as if that 0aa20b6cd2 previous ejaculation had been 1608f9b521 a lie, my penis 3a0118dc70 fell back into a f075de1db9 deep sleep and showed badbb5f80d no sign of waking a3482fb3f6 up.1b2f2071445a5d5b

I rubbed my tired 6461dcaeef face, made rough from 680b7ea160 lack of sleep, with 6defb84780 my cold hands. My gaze, 58ba82f8ee beyond my fc1d574cde control, kept a8e16eee1c drifting towards 3fd88db605 the handsome de38cbb76e face that 1fbaa9bfd6 was focused f39470d7d9 on the c8ea616444 professor’s lecture.7f75bece22f1468e

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The starting point of 8cda5ea086 all these problems.08bfbe2a47bd9b02

My head throbbed at 9dd4ac8a6f this hopeless situation.68c51527c128f741

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* * *baafe638c075c7a1

Perhaps the beginning 96006556b2 was always the f85e56a037 hardest. The repressed 9379b0944d memories, in ea16f89875 no particular bff1e3961d order, started 73b6977a3a popping up 51b0e6423f at random 133736b108 times. And whenever d4db17801a they did, 091b0846f4 my penis a9d8ee204f would react a138ccde3e faithfully, as 7400fd6183 if it 99e378222d had never 2abd2540ca given me 01f0d0e530 any trouble c416a8fc8f before.11b02bc9c91af2e9

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At first, I 7aa7b7eba6 was excited, thinking d5edf0866f I had finally 36b96820ac overcome this persistent 254196ca57 trauma, but it 84b15fe1a9 was a futile 34a6da7929 hope. After showering thoroughly, I f8e9989455 purposefully tried to masturbate, da8d0be2c6 but my dejected penis 66373bf750 showed no reaction. Even when I racked 00790eae18 my brain and conjured 611c0f2b1d up all sorts of b62b6057f2 stimulating fantasies, it remained 75e27247f9 unresponsive. The only time it 042572fc69 reacted was when…da938b95adf4d0db

“Haah!”d858a9d9882bdf18

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The blanket crumpled in b8c8ca9b4d my clenched fist. As the scene replayed 741c28b09b in my mind by de7ac64f55 itself, my hand reached 73e35c3c91 into my pants and ac2e1a7d75 frantically stroked my penis. My legs, fda52b09e2 restricted by 8fc73b0ba1 my pants cdeccfe6c9 and underwear 1be156ce6b bunched around 71729a1ddc my thighs, 5bf6cfadf6 thrashed against 1bf7d5346c the sheets.6437a153a9a6689b

‘Here… ha… how 517390ed1a does this feel?’382b335a3e11069f

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‘G-Good… good… uh!’e521f41dceb66e7e

Ha Jungyoon, 9e4c0698c4 holding me 4235b4c425 from behind b1a71ffc00 as I 08121800d5 lay on cca01cfdce my side, 020dee4058 moved his dd91ed65c2 hand from 32ab50799d my stomach c4965d86d9 up to 471341466e my chest, b4168aff36 cupping it. My hardened nipples c2f324b7f0 were crushed beneath a98b29f7a8 his hot palm.d9c525255436096b

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My writhing 5b64f66930 back pressed 34bd6bffe3 against the 181259adcf sheets. The hand that 41ca6cd77f was gripping the 4a59b6c8aa blanket moved up 4a2e561600 to my chest. 44e180d73637e0ec

Here, was it here? c5f77aa896dd5f3f

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Instead of the f3f0ccb081 fiery palm from d724652319 my memory, my 7927fa0e35 own trembling hand 994db0fad7 rested on my d6c56042ba chest. My heels pushed against cef9223511 the bed. I clumsily rubbed my 32d38bf4b9 nipples and frantically stroked 3174bbe0c0 my penis. My lower abdomen tightened, aaa56d1587 and my back arched. I hurriedly cupped d329b98c86 my hand over e9d061d9c3 the tip of 5e24b00e5f my penis, and 1eeba3262d semen spurted into fc74d141a1 my palm.3a54c6a7939ea03c

“Haa, haa… haa…”245ea3993253e621

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My ragged breaths echoed d40a377926 in the quiet room. I blinked blankly c10ffc9149 and raised my c84605156c hand. I blinked stupidly, then 863c4fdd36 raised my hand. The semen, coating d8554b95b5 my palm, dripped 8ee6ce101f down.819b04c67708126a

“What am I eb3de4ef6e doing?”a76e2ff34ea93482

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It was 7279d15d39 hard to 39e70f2f54 decide which d3a85e607f to address 239230fe2f first: the 26ed40177a mess on 4df125748b my hand 10a505a58a from ejaculating 7cd5e60676 while reliving 8d9eab5032 that night’s 8a811a1ba7 memory, or 8e9ccddf7c the hand 2a4a93b204 still resting b201766f1a on my 6e1831eb60 chest.db5cdb99705254fd

* * *63c30375a6ebb8d1

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Now I 086315724f was avoiding ad48727edf Ha Jungyoon 9548764aef for a 5df39a2adb different reason. Guilt. 2dc7d446c81c5c64

Guilt over jacking off to thoughts of him almost every day. I didn’t know I was so susceptible to pleasure. I never knew this world existed. I knew it was intense, but this was really… trulyintense.f3540919ee838231

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One week ee97f3c749 avoiding Ha e5b2406493 Jungyoon, and 2800d2bf1f another week f53cea0357 masturbating to 016ff4b413 thoughts of 7e11a2934f him. It had already been 770c4e6adb two weeks since I 57f1a7bb52 started spending all my 8c8fcbe6e7 time thinking about Ha 87a5728f30 Jungyoon. 257cb6f648787f1d

What the 5a5f8a0989 hell was 5b243a34fd I even b8e8329957 doing? 6b375f368995c2e5

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My hopeful new semester 75ad2e4f80 was tainted by Ha 101b22c491 Jungyoon. Stickily and messily tainted.c8f8c5c6e9e50149

I even thought 113045f1e7 that I was 072a2d33dc better off when a8695f096f I was worried 8c1a8397b9 about my erectile e9bbd8bf7d dysfunction. If I 42f09b766b couldn’t get bc8cc4c52b it up, 8dd5ac3ed0 I could f6a1c58370 have gone bd7c48d3e7 to the c9406b365e hospital for 86e3c5957c counseling or 7c09b26408 medication. But I 121c3273d6 had no 63faa3f274 idea how 96b4c6d2de to deal b31ac590a3 withthiscurrent situation.16646a005d7d0119

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Getting hard wasn’t the 5c2c9462ee problem. The problem waswhomade me hard.b325f79912bf0b72

…Could it 20a1cc73ab be that… 3025153b77 I like 1d5c49762a men?999d470b92caebf6

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I bit the 64dc99e7bc end of my 85a46360e1 mechanical pencil and 1c68522cbc looked around the 90533774ac noisy lecture hall 5308d9b513 during a short b45481fa47 break.9f6f3fa78226e896

Absolutely not.a6e0eb4c5c2c0288

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This was 184ed5c11c the only c26dc0d8a3 question I 53f614d14b could answer 95872866d7 with certainty 64f05c1e13 in this 2d67cd3100 confusing situation. I didn’t even 17cdfa9ff4 need to consider 7f90eeb034 whether I could 7af7a6bf0e kiss a man. Even holding 0d24f7eaa7 a man’s 4a7ccc33d4 hand was 52b2a4ec82 impossible.181d9446b5f7f26c

Then why did 9e5f59bb01 I come to 763d46bb9b thoughts of Ha 3015ec8eee Jungyoon? 6a5496180d8602ae

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There was cdc3a90c4c only one 012b9113b7 plausible hypothesis.c9a3669063805026

Because it was my 6b0a85700a first time. Because so af3e1ae311 far, my e0177009c2 only experience 28c129db4a of such 2e66b2fb2b intense sexual 7b588f45c5 stimulation and 2c955194ef pleasure was 8bddcbcd55 with Ha 497a1bcf33 Jungyoon. Of course, I 7ed59d3e3e still wasn’t sure 815fd924e6 if I had 2fe35fef56 actually come that 6f9c620d55 night, but judging 83dafe89d5 from the current b35abddda4 circumstances, it was a0862bfb70 highly likely. I was making 88c5045268 such a mess a36ff2d559 all by myself, 44d8a9a523 after all.98f7deaf0fc04d5f

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“Ugh, I don’t b63f50bdc5 know.”3f96e75302d3cee8

“Hyung, here b22070996b you go.”6e0fc1cb545a5bc6

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“Ah! You scared me!”6cc2ebe4a968b469

I jumped as I 056e90fc67 heard a voice beside 7428558195 me, just as I 3cca857f73 was about to slump e362c6a5e7 onto my desk in dd4bd94a98 despair.9a3e6ba285ac416c

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“Ack!”83c98c9bb01eab36

The junior, who was trying to offer me a can of coffee, also yelped. Clutching our chests, we stared at each other in silence, mouths agape. Then, we both took deep breaths, holding each other’s shoulders.b337f3d8ad728ed4

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“Are you okay?”0192d324dcf3cf02

“Yes, hyung, 725eb95172 are you 9c484e9a57 okay?”a16c4b24bb44220a

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After calming down from d56bfd8c11 our shared moment of 2368cd5bf3 panic, I took the f6d427543d can of coffee from 8178022385 the junior and sat b255ff7598 down.c6e6a28565b71fde

“Phew.”98e7f0f76b233294

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I exhaled 87b2890095 slowly, confirming 3e692f7590 that my ce424c3ed4 heart was c5a17f09a7 back in 5ca76b4fa0 its place, ef6d67f7d6 and tried 35db829bef to steady 821d951583 my breathing. Just then, 2197b208f5 Choi Taeyoung, dbfeb716b9 who was eddf1517f2 sitting far 52eec9055c away in 27acecc9bb the front, 31127fd769 turned around, db53587328 scowled, and b9a0fc72a4 made an 83c1418166 unnecessary comment.8bb82b6e8b7784a0

“That bastard is embarrassing 8a1f610345 all the veterans. With his 3eb0d87295 weak nerves, 439ba2a7bf how did 1ef1e3d0b5 he even 4ea640a291 manage night f9c94c3d45 watch duty?”2df89a033cd647e4

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That damn military again. It was because 9a76dfd253 of bastards like a8f9ae4d29 him that veterans acc7270661 got a bad cc6de9a7cf name. 6981d33ee700a05c

I didn’t 53792a1b6f want to 81cbef12e0 respond, so 693813b889 I pretended a5d229faa5 not to 1b1b7f085c hear and 7c01574f44 sipped my 82ac0ad281 coffee. Then, I overheard 7d48284e25 a conversation between c0de7884e7 two neatly dressed 96d931ab63 female students sitting 7b8ea283fa in front of 1263f509c8 me.159ee19dd414de4c

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“Fucking asshole. His face 821a8b88fc is the 5bc8590e01 one that’s 7369c0ca01 an embarrassment cda8323f11 to the c94b8c59d7 nation.”630c9d77640fd4e7

“Ugly, with a grating 430b55d7d7 voice, that son of 044c653bc5 a bitch.”afd93d61d19e55ac

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I looked at a9a6a9b09d the frustrated juniors c217aac169 sympathetically. Then, I turned 2ff235b6f1 my head absently 19addf0d63 and froze. Ha Jungyoon, who 0587ce2363 had been looking f43ae0f5ab at me, smiled ad884473ea when our eyes 888cdb6f19 met.789703d5304130b0

…What are you 3c06e4ed23 smiling about?d80ff67aa0c4e3a7

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It annoyed me 65ce70d8f6 that he was 7449d7e764 acting so nonchalant, a38e9a3870 smiling as if 6387a05118 nothing had happened adca9033d9 after ignoring me ddda4f12e6 for weeks. Of course, a7c75141ec he quickly bf13fbdcf7 looked away. Just then, a 579c8cdb5c flash of memory e91dd379bf popped into my bce44a603e head.471813449d394855

‘Ha Jungyoon, earlier, 99b50312e6 haah, there, more, 226d27870a more…!’460737a23c50d765

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‘Ha, Woo Hyunsoo.’02dda6e726e62dc6

His amused face.06728d4c5447091e

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No.6b3ea20b795eca0d

I quickly turned my head. But I couldn’t hide the flush spreading across my ears and neck.f69887699776caee

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This is driving dd96cfe03e me crazy. e6de2b2e5dba3333

Now even just 3979be3fb5 his smile was ca53c7e245 making me hard.7855840e82c4fa8c

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 47da73b42ca5149e