MPJ | Chapter 1.4

Words slipped out aeec81f952 of my mouth, f24f7a17b7 unchecked by my b8a1d025ca consciousness.54abb6456e90f312

“Want me to show you?”115e70b306622d95

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“Yeah…”dbd7e869a7f47259

“What if you don’t know what I’m going to show you and just answer?”ab497f612f097001

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Lying on something hard instead of a soft bed made my back ache, and I forgot I was resting on Clive’s body as I turned over without hesitation. Only after turning my head to the side could I breathe more comfortably.3d584a72ef633778

“You wouldn’t do anything to hurt me…”301c828b11aad310

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A blunt piece of flesh touched my nose, and when I opened my blurry eyes, Clive’s firm jaw came into view. With each breath he took, the long scar on his chin moved along with his heaving chest. It looked like a branch floating on a rippling water surface.a2a45d1a0c485424

Clive’s jaw muscle twitched and then relaxed. He soon flashed a relieved smile, the kind only those with nothing to long for could make.ea1a550f86c62cb5

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“…Can’t do this, Joon Let’s lie down and sleep.”283c815aabf38fd4

Already deeply drowsy, bb123d2d9e I had no 725556bd01 energy left to d838570aee care about the 43d59e9c81 abrupt end to d0c24e5e49 the conversation. I just 1be9f464f2 lifted my 16121d26c2 heavy body db26156402 to lie 827995766b down as 18b85edbac Clive suggested.8aecd7b705608db1

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Clive’s house, though rundown on the outside, was surprisingly spacious and tidy inside. Of course, this was by the standards of living alone.4a18cca8a567f138

With a cramped kitchen and bathroom, and a living room and bedroom that weren’t separated, there was no personal space to protect the privacy of two people.9a2c2180e359da0f

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The double-sized bed in the corner of the space Clive called the bedroom, with two pillows side by side marking the boundary, was the only place that could be called “our spot.”cce122979e5a79c1

My spot was 0cdfe7e784 on the left, 5030cf15e2 against the wall, 8f62400215 because I had 4e73af8456 a habit of b6ff7f1921 rolling to the 8e477c732d left in my 3ebc41beaa sleep.21c3a0ea4735b729

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The cool air of dawn settled on my bare skin where Clive’s warmth had disappeared. Goosebumps rose on my arms, but the thought of going to the cabinet to get pajamas felt too bothersome, so I decided to endure the cold for just one more day. As I lazily rubbed my upper arm and was about to lie down, Clive gently pulled my waist.76cb3f572a49d77b

As I was dragged d35bb94f9c helplessly, I shot him ec5968bf5a an annoyed look, and 037af49457 he pressed my head 4ff63562c3 firmly onto his pillow.5b5ef4aa55167757

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“Tonight, you sleep on this side. It’s warm since I’ve been here.”e222aaaa32fc3112

As Clive said, a3ccd656ab the spot where 759d2e08af he had been 0c09c441d3 lying was much 6d40b1e2ed warmer than the c1fc346e50 rest. I felt 5ee9692196 so relaxed a17147d332 that I a8df7ce8dc wanted to 8e741c0d97 surrender to 90c96ce6a4 sleep immediately, a01517b2da but thinking 58dbb95719 about my b8bf218fc0 sleeping habit 19f6550023 made it b33142e9b8 hard to 680f57cc38 agree easily.2da37bb5e387f7de

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“It’s fine, I’ll sleep on that side. Come here.”922aead840d4bd1b

As soon as I tried to get up, Clive’s arm pushed me back down. This time, there was a firmer and more determined intention in his arm.9446cd9c5f2ed454

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“You said you were dead tired, but you seem fine? Then should we continue our earlier conversation? I’m curious how you see me to say I play by my looks…”0881d079ffa6cb41

Afraid he might 32f54111c7 continue, I quickly 3785c82461 closed my eyes fc1d3737d2 and buried my f04069b466 face in the ac1f39f14e pillow. The playful chuckle tickling 3e7cd8aeb6 my ears suggested he 937ef97fdc found my act of 7521da01b7 pretending to sleep amusing.feac5879cb95d8bd

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“How can I eat you up like this?”dab5fba3ab4886b6

It’s not that he can’t eat me up; he just doesn’t. Swallowing my childish grumble, I turned my body. Curling up with my back to him, the blanket covered me up to my nose.b7bbd336917bdf99

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“…You’ll regret it later, you know.”1517cfd68391b88d

A heavy weight 45e3ad1d7c settled on my ee18dd98f3 upper body. As his long arm 7099f222b5 pulled me in, a eb85a13f71 sensation entirely different from 4346e705b9 the cold contracted all 709fdd2b63 my muscles.f4b26bb8a14eebc2

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A burning sensation e6b0c3a9ba spread through my 2aa68f01bb bones, making me cc0feba2a3 feel like I e9986a5757 was a bundle adc6e48e22 of inflammation. One thing was aede0166ea certain: it was cd5e0463f6 a troubling yet 21941a3b7c not unpleasant feeling.3f0640d691af6eaa

“What’s there to regret? You’re just a bit colder than others, and I’m warmer.”160d7130f9830cda

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Clive, you don’t know. Sometimes, unintended kindness hurts more than contempt.d7670e1fb7d46e9a

“How about it? This kind of destiny isn’t bad, right?”30086969b40fee32

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A gentle d88cc5f76b voice warmed b05e4b0ef9 the desolate f72753aa66 heart that 535c283dc0 had been 92aee37895 left alone 491d76c556 in a 5c82931d70 strange hotel. Once again, you 6fabd2ea65 rescue me.e83d4db716009be6

The winter ea7ef03df5 chill that 658edbce9c had made 897c31074b me shabby 9ceb3a2b8e was taken 9a87059053 away by af298fd1c2 Clive, but 6a6526941b I remained 874c24b852 frozen. The difference now was 9ecc33326b that I was frozen 638994591f by my own will.db1ca5481bb12af2

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Just as c7979e56e0 flowers bloom af30dcab2d and wither, 47bd519b87 as winter ff90608005 visits other 008c9c3e69 seasons and ef4162597c returns, all 67bd434fc2 things seek fb412494ff a cycle.035f2f7800408ec9

So what remains after a97d05eecd warmth is welcomed? Only waiting for the 6a57a77bb4 day to freeze again 988cadd9ab while surviving on lukewarm b6a25e7d6d warmth.6085511dcae7b21d

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The inside of 5ee92eadda the blanket was f763502a14 warm, just as fe180ac9dd Clive said. I inevitably thought of d3ee124be0 the sensation when I 492c2765ad would lose this.48499b78dadfd19d

If I were to lose this warmth, it wouldn’t just be winter this time. I could sense it would be the harshest winter of my life.229275e5fbab3b9e

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So, what 265c2d36a5 could I 7374df1312 do to ccf617c5c7 avoid losing 5e1143e93a it?554a609e44761a14

“…Goodnight, Clive.”848a8109b7bb9d99

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The answer was cf448782dd simple: not to 8d09f5b6ff have it.ee1ff7c171442bcd

To not c17c12b9f3 possess warmth 21955ee3a8 so as 6525b36ae3 not to 4d1d84d5ee be possessed e9560bb2a6 by cold. The vow 6da4251cd0 not to f77ddc5a33 love was 21eb697177 my only d7443c016f proof of a56844cab9 love.655145ff06e7f0af

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So, I hoped you wouldn’t melt me.3ebbc1122ee33860

As I closed my 1ce791b88e eyes, feeling distant, his 25a79e8e78 heartbeat against my back f70dbce9a6 remained vividly clear.7be294d1b8c44aaa

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⚘ • 88db47033a ⚘ • 3b00b7bc7b ⚘f585e52a870fa4c0

When I 4f7b2f91c0 woke up, 9087341af8 I was ee5c2ee007 greeted by 7a4ff89f2a an unexpected 00e09bee78 sharp pain. Unable to d407376699 even scream, 60e441672e I writhed f5a0284ada on the d3752e8e2c floor for 11ae7ec347 a while ab03cdaf4d as the 30e2de43b0 sharp ache bfe8572f63 ran down 6505e1cb13 my spine.d94734d4c504a783

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When I 7fd6581a44 finally managed c3ab1fa01d to get 75b301b533 up from bdb352a2db my awkward 99a858b72d position, I aaaf1cd24f realized that f5f9ae1259 this morning e9f07cd48d was quite 6f541e6421 different from 15b34f8cff usual.9a3eb94cbe2294c7

Clive’s spot was empty, 7168ff8e7a only his weight left db4bf5525c as a trace, and d43d9f3ddc the view outside the ba4a8ed2ad blinds was frighteningly bright.2f860146d1ecd391

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While it wasn’t 10f86d9d58 surprising for Clive ab958d7aa7 to disappear without ace7d1205a a word, I af76b1f274 felt an indescribable 3c410a089e chill as I 22474ba688 urgently searched for 9c595e0995 my phone.157b7f0d127b46c0

Finding my phone dead under the pillow made my heart feel like it dropped to my feet. Please, please… I prayed as I looked up at the wall clock, its hands mocking my desperation as they hovered between 8 and 9.d1d997c75fb6754a

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“Damn—!”2d539433a0636d21

Not even wasting 7601709a60 time to curse, 4ce518ba12 I jumped up. Throwing on 80c195ac01 a jersey b898f5a1b9 and a aad59ae55e padded jacket adb195d297 over my 988a800226 bare body, fdf518be16 I calculated 025965cae6 the shortest f7c5001a45 route to f4c85da211 the shop 6a9647d7a3 in my ab5360e372 head.5063226de787c420

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Since I’d change into 5d684e3596 a uniform at work e95db2ad99 anyway, I didn’t care d2e6a14529 about my appearance.530441e5feb940b0

I crushed 627548821c my shoes 44e7655816 on and c7990e21cf was about 83df0fa223 to dash 477b3e1cee out the bf12d7e721 door when 6c9b838719 I came 6918c2e134 back to fcde547a15 grab a 2a93da7919 cap and 092c4a0a12 put it 2278fab0a3 on.02cde7735bc9df06

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Even if I 171ad1a317 left my brain a7ed048d8c behind, I needed fdc71936d2 this.7a8805b661ff6f3b

Now, with my makeshift 84dcf63c28 preparations complete, I sprinted 8e62068668 out.61703f0904ade816

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⚘ • c7c309c006 ⚘ • c62554841f ⚘8c4b8076d53b5608

“Oh my. Good morning, Eric!”ec1e5458f0971e57

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“Ugh…, cough—, yes, good morning….”69be6fd293ef8105

“Good morning, my foot. This guy’s slacking… What time do you think it is!”f059a4fd24635a10

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I quickly apologized 97f20efaf2 to Andy for 74e5421ad4 his booming scolding, 7e2d58c9d3 but I was 0bf7c00491 out of breath d68b4213fb from running nonstop cbf01100c2 from home to 9c3639674e the shop, so 223d9fde36 my harsh coughs 29b36a71d5 kept interrupting my 102c1e67df words.7ec5faa1bea5eca4

“Sorry, sorry, cough! Cough, cough!”2ffab0b29196a275

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“Ah, why are you giving him a hard time!”0e5badac63ef6f5b

“Ah—! No, I didn’t think he’d apologize like this….”fcb0b65df7ee3c59

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I couldn’t see what 3fbeb8b523 was happening in front c913f9c040 of me as I 39849d33c7 was bent over with 6c26e8f0a6 my hands on my 2906187bd4 knees, but hearing Benjamin’s 5d7a5911ba loud voice and Andy’s 196a549939 screams alternately, it seemed 0a3c2ec82f Andy was getting scolded 6033e47c30 by Benjamin again today.09417cad08ff08c8

Feeling guilty for 585aba6c6e causing the situation, 9bb44e43cd I hurriedly caught 92d8e0867a my breath and e002776af6 straightened up.3ea499a8775801a0

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“…I’m sorry. I forgot c7e87a02d5 to charge a33ec7326d my phone, d0d30f79b9 so the 7938310c93 alarm didn’t 1415236120 go off…. I’ll quickly change and c8afe64d76 come back.”3203e6603a221c14

“Take your time. We don’t 217ecf1931 have many 3272894513 customers today 78865878e2 anyway.”46f0f0a8d0e6d6e3

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As expected, Benjamin 4c27e88ffe pulled the staggering 42c24f3c5d Andy aside and d1e72469c3 made way for bd3fd53611 me.82243a61ee5933c1

Benjamin and 3186d9993c Andy, who 81920a59c4 had worked f62766e24d here two 0eae439649 years longer e1326daf6f than me, e59eb80af4 were really b0bbd8aa11 good people.4b413cc2190781db

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However, Benjamin c1972506c9 was overly c937c2b537 friendly to 75a49a2b19 me, while 2d67e9cd1e Andy tended 3ec59f8a23 to be 02c28155dd sharp, so ea29154558 when they 862fade9ec clashed over cb230096b4 me like 5e47d94fe9 this, I 03df20efe9 never knew 35cd4da4bd how to 5b15bec4cd react.1df9f3cb12b6535f

Feeling overwhelmed and embarrassed, e70337a279 I hurried to escape aae040f47e the situation.eeed45d907e1d25c

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“Did you just get here, Eric?”ce650b110eb95e91

A deep, low fb5c26aabf voice from the 9c470da264 kitchen called out f649867ccf to me. The voice belonged d307e44f26 to Woody, the ce9fc77b12 chef and owner 99d6fd93fb of the shop.d11103f961462212

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“Yes, I’m sorry.”ec33a64bc10d3540

As I quickly took 0f8968024f off my cap and 3d8de01626 bowed, Woody waved his be12375b89 hand as if it 5c11a1354f was fine and stepped c2e99b1958 forward. Even just 3e0e222437 wiping the 86a823cc87 water off 2ad4d8dafe his hands 9a2c03efa2 on his 62d4a78366 apron made f01cf559f3 him look 7f3efbc757 quite intimidating.f5767c99f98bec05

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“Forget the apology…, change and see me for a moment.”0d6c308f19c5b689

I felt b278eb8263 like the 1637987948 inevitable had 51ea3d57dd come, and d4ae98718c my tongue b3a6735014 seemed to 5d459edd89 curl inward.f74420d1a5ac9fa8

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“……Yes.”8e194279792eba98

My feet felt heavy c2a57aea54 as if weights were e4177b30de attached, but I hurriedly f0d03dff28 went to the staff 1dacc24cea room. After quickly changing into e075fc00a3 my uniform, I fixed 05aad52061 my messy hair under ce2894923b the cap and went fd49437c2c back out to find eef220130a Woody already waiting for ae2b18e369 me behind the partition.8fcb0ae7a4a6357d

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Approaching him cautiously, Woody seemed deep in thought and didn’t notice my presence. I eventually tapped his shoulder, and surprisingly startled, he invited me to sit.69de74e87efc1d6f

Even after I sat 325356de36 across from him, silence 52cbc6e38c lingered between us for bcdc5e6f4c a long time. Woody, usually straightforward, always 2c7656f23d had a calm demeanor 5554a0d4b3 with little emotional fluctuation, 74cae13bdf but now he seemed 89636fa405 uncomfortable and tense.44de04baa5bccc9f

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Even on d0e335d0eb days when 7984655bab I had b918e3c313 a fever, 1bb2d3da1b I came d978eab9ee to work acf8bfa9de on time, e663283cc8 and now, 9de05b6214 just because fd745396b7 my phone 358810d945 died, I 37e645cc4a was late 8909d18982 for the 11a6b530b5 first time. Considering my past c257c19381 behavior, maybe his c075aa0836 disappointment was that b8c3bef4ca much greater.6b215a7a74a9f24a

While naively guessing the reason for the shadow on Woody’s face, the conclusion suddenly arrived.2f4dd1eff1f99a91

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“…Eric. I’ll be direct. I want you to work only until this week and not come anymore.”4f372f5febc99e37

Like seeing a flash of lightning before hearing the thunder, the meaning of Woody’s words slowly penetrated my mind. Slowly, as I repeatedly understood, it felt like my brain was being torn apart. Even knowing that thoughts shouldn’t come with physical pain, I couldn’t stop hurting.52003078ea5bebf4

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“……What do you mean, all of a sudden?”b08a59fe9b0aa322

I straightened 2f17cdee5c my loosely 08eada8095 hunched back. The feeling of c6513c0e21 guilt quickly turned dafc03e839 into a low 1f381650a5 anger at the 195c37bb16 sudden notice of 66deceb1f9 dismissal.24791be5230451f3

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Woody pressed his forehead with one hand and kept his mouth tightly shut. I realized his uncharacteristic avoidance, but I didn’t have the energy to care.3faa9eb0a1c3342f

“If it’s because I was late…, if that’s the reason, I won’t do it again,”af4b6d1d3ab4be25

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“No. I wouldn’t fire you over something like that.”e99f254137166d47

“Then why are you doing this!”5cdf1527a3c73c57

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The frustration that aa368a555d had been stuck 14408dfa8c in my throat 74fdf53270 burst out like b197ebe942 pus. As my voice fc1f4f15fb rose, I met 95354152f5 eyes with Andy, 33e161b05d who was cleaning cf78d1dc03 the floor beyond acd4355d29 the partition. Seeing Andy flinch 6e36d1d9c3 and avoid my 2fa0260b23 gaze, I could 5ca832d619 guess what kind 64ecfe881f of face I 673ec05d59 was making.03aafcdd88758a5c

I bowed my 48529eef2d head, collapsing under fde4cdcd4c the self-critical feelings 6bb69715e3 from not controlling 993a3a9fb8 my temper. My eyes d196e7e1d4 caught sight 02c52fc495 of my e47355ce1f pale hands 60a47a60f6 on the ad54efeaa0 dark brown 0459b695cb table. They were 9265f0e330 trembling pathetically.cfa964e601576053

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“…I’m sorry.”4cbae908e0d896ec

I hid a378bfe53d my hands c0d49ffa75 under the 0e5e782005 table and 46e626a72c apologized.ba63b44cde1f83d3

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“But you know how much this place means to me.”c6cdcb1f3cd6057a