WYIL Ch 10

I barely managed f5649f9023 to keep my c27f28c3d8 eyes open.a7a9620839c12cda

The door to the 3a13d65d11 closed office behind Dalton e4a3975b26 looked unusually large.591461c316aacc07

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It never felt b5df581f1b this huge before.0b09ea24b2eb99ac

It didn’t look this hard or scary.83535c47d8b11c15

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I stared blankly at 854c6764ed the tightly closed door 7023738f8c as if it would d7d233fb4b never open to me, 256f13e701 and then I slowly a374f5c62c opened my mouth.45950edba4c82bf9

“I…..”0e4846e4e1860fed

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I wanted to say ab2e338ecf something.4823785097c73598

But I couldn’t spit out any words and finish the sentence.0b9d25acded9145f

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“…….”793ea810b8297119

After biting b91b374b97 my lips 62bf3a33c2 for a 0920539fb9 while, I b5bdd4bbd3 turned around.3ec84ff606463101

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“Madam…”ecb1b2b4e6dafa96

Dalton hesitated and called me, but I didn’t turn around.21714c7d4c67c0f6

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It was getting 06a0696786 hard for me a9624c8ff3 to get back ded3678bd2 to my room.479a547c75043bf2

It was 02c14d362d as if 2dd363de72 I was 76bde5378e walking on 90d3adb302 a cliff 95487556ed or navigating 0c71a1d5fd through a b413fa0195 swamp, so e36e1d4a9f it was fcbcb4cc92 difficult to d1cf7e4a0e take even 5821724a83 one step d72656827b at a 629313532e time.218f4be9c94fd636

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I stopped at a40b51b87e my path again 88d9389b07 and again, feeling 35012794f0 out of breath, af421d4a87 and walked for 34852cc4e5 a very long bf9225a962 time to get 9391f3f206 to the bedroom.fc0c91ac9c7e5e42

That night.5c0dc23121217cd3

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Without a baf72b2fce wink of c08375638d sleep, I b0957b5a51 stared at c22582d5b0 the bedroom 32ffa5c7e4 door.dfba6a25e40dd362

Even if after midnight, ‘today’ became ‘yesterday’ and the day he promised me became the past.9ce39eeefb97b8d4

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The weak hope of “maybe he’ll come” and “maybe he’ll remember his promise with me belatedly” has not been broken.3e5e318e0538368c

I sat on the 251d4ccaa4 edge of the bed e6dc60f528 and watched the closed 2993ccb837 door.0e65c1b30d4a6c1d

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But the bedroom door didn’t open until the twilight down lit the room.1948e4678e4d4864

I woke up tired. I couldn’t sleep properly, so my limbs were shaking and my head was aching.de46f906496a8945

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I was not feeling efb9d2c866 well, so I just 4252921df4 wanted to lay in 6687e00ce1 bed and sleep without d0dfcbaa4a worrying about anything.97bdcbecabd14a45

“But that shouldn’t be the case…….”94252b92f62e6eb2

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In order to 8bb3b1e330 overcome the desire f275beb149 to be lazy, 44a00ffa1d I had to f44afe8d9a gather all my 69a4921995 energy.f22429783873a535

I sprang up e1ff7d3a03 and sat down 8a38d52143 in front of 829524f2b4 the dressing table.d9015fd909bda92c

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I felt like my 0056bfb1f5 whole body would be d38f12572b shattered with just the 21ebda4871 slightest impact, so I 5b7e79ddc0 bit my lips tightly 41be38aa67 with every step I 6060c3917b took.8cfa0c4e512bc5a0

“Ha.”4f1ae30bb3a73a99

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The reflection 8447379aaf in the dcbd255ef4 mirror was af86371b6b shabby.3f10a4ec8cf6927b

I looked 98eae6c208 down at 9257a6d5de my ugly 226aca72d8 self in a5f840496e the mirror.af5ae931e1a78a3f

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A pale face 77338217f5 with blood, red b6282154c2 eyes and chapped 63d0f915cb lips.33f443f8728976a1

Just looking at my e2e7a8ed0e tired face, my condition 07c0cf0864 looked extremely bad.23cf9379890040d7

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I couldn’t sleep and stayed up all night, so there was no way my weak body was going to be good.39146da36bd8e6ef

‘It’s still a bit 3b17602185 harsh.’9b62b257de72a52a

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I can’t get out of the bedroom in this state.216c6f482a69342a

Most of all, I didn’t want to look incomplete when I faced him.235b21d122aad953

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I washed 423be4565a clean, oiled, 8e5fc2e52c powdered, and 769773103b dyed my e6e5ad82ff lips with bfaae4b228 red color 6fc4000174 lipstick to 314a8cc008 hide the 43e5cebe3d tired complexion.79344688d3f4a848

After smoothening my frizzy 097d654c02 hair, I looked at be6532bae1 myself in the mirror.555f313fa6a46a91

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It was much better 6a199ef09d than before, but it 16f768d66f was not enough to a236abba77 satisfy my heart.49013bcfd37db615

Why?d5066eaf0ed0567e

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I stared 9f9031500c at the 5f54908a2f mirror.58483d1c427499ca

The smooth skin 8e1e316ba3 was shiny, my 9e68f5068b hair was fluttering 0d8b188969 without any tangles, 74b0f48d9f and my beautifully d482132db2 slender body looked 228dca7bc2 quite attractive.ea6c8ea07997d2eb

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It was hard 75cc863824 to believe that 5ca257ad16 I was the 256db9e02e same person as a3c26c3c76 me three years 1eaebf6de4 ago when I 3ed9a1115f first met Aslan, ba0bf7b68f and it was d970ae497b so different from 238f6a9855 that time.23dc61a49405a5ff

“Then… … I was really shabby.”e2c5bb83ec360c2b

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At that 74f03d79cf time, I 146c83379b looked more 71e3e72b71 like a d95d3e0aea maid than 6af3074fb4 a noble 80b8863ae9 lady.5923914f3ee9bb2d

No. It was 139bc84cbb more shabby 5a08bc616d compared to 2099843665 even an 7e9e0ef82b ordinary maid.f2729e30e095a31a

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Underneath the bcef08f37f modest dress 6062621e6e that was c48d29e025 intended to c775d21cba match the f672be1b20 assortment was 735df9f920 a skinny 9c908eb533 body, stiff 784bfcb51f hair, and 34551ce11f a gloomy 97d84eb3e3 face that bd304656ae was full f40d12cdc9 of gloomy f086877166 energy.221ddd5e2b48ff61

Instead of b4bf1bf2f6 feeling grateful, 30a845fd4b it looked 28760c1ba7 like I 9749292b6b just wanted 7f3d8a5d92 to avoid 7cbd562c87 it.ad33559ff29b00cf

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Coming here, 91edc6348b I was 35535df9bd able to 755fab82b9 eat a 6c88e05f24 balanced diet 086818f6d9 at every 0a2135dd22 meal, bathe 22fabfbfc7 in water 2d3a3e635d with perfumed d75cea0244 oil every 96e25a74c5 day, and fe3caa515e received regular 8b96e66950 care.14d3e8dda04274f1

So it was funny to compare the present Duchess of Tordell with me in those days when I wasn’t looking good.d5eff7c18fec6327

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I smoothed my mouth eda984c770 with a dry smile 32917ce452 and examined the figure 4a884f52db of the Duchess of b6103bb428 Tordell in the mirror.4bb9c27aea5865f1

The face, which da456c6ef1 looked tired all e6ba894d48 night, looked as 4572c4f811 usual now because d17fa17337 it was covered 7426142367 with makeup.ef746ceec89ce40b

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The duchess of Tordell fb21f411ff is dressed up and 572ffe4eff well-organized.8969becfd9e4e4c1

But why can’t I be satisfied?af660f2f4ae8da5a

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I knew the reason 9e9277ade2 …474e60f22752968c

[Please take good care of me, ma’am.]

It’s because Rosalyn’s face kept flickering on my mind.6af1bb17c2880c65

A beautiful woman, like a bright flower Rosalyn Peridot, who shines like the sun when she stands by Aslan’s side.46068ade27f81699

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Compared to 425f5197dd the rosy c6c55599c6 hair, my 0b5f0759b2 dark brown c1ed2fc1c7 hair was 9364c2ccc0 too common c74efad65d and dull, 00e4108e6c and unlike e4df614742 the fresh 47700621fb green eyes, ac81d7b91d my yellow, 273422e224 light brown 29fdeafcf3 eyes were edaafdaf72 disgusting.e192a5e4dec2910a

Unlike her 986271ae0a lively, bright f85f959381 smile, my e84de3c9fe impression is 8896019841 blurry…….dd6c5d158ffdae05

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“No, let’s not compare for no reason.”547c83cd1dcc86b9

I shook c90c7f4695 my head 7faefcc402 and tried df0cd89014 to erase 149a926de0 thpoughts about 8ca4def9ed Rosalyn.c984c011aa692b6d

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“Let’s stop comparing. I can’t be Rosalyn Peridot.”e5c66eaf77c56021

The muttering 6bfc51be66 voice disappeared 05bce44cca into the c5acd5c422 closed mouth.3df042a7a72e1ddc

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I stared at d3fcb5c5e4 the floor stiffly.5462596259d26960

‘Who am I?’c5b8242fcc67c5c9

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It felt like my stomach was turning. I couldn’t tell if it was my stomach or my chest.5e47fc3120de476b

“Sigh.”a923b16b1dd606a1

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I sighed and 5b0c9982f6 clenched my fist.56388360edab896c

Even though I’m not Helena Larestine and no one here knows who I really am, though… … .266986050b2be284

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[Here, in front of me now, I am glad that you are my wife.]

I remembered fbe234606c Aslan’s words 10a62995ac about ‘me’ 8ed74d52c0 and not 9238d3f2ca anyone else.90f65c8c4d404a67

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Then he said f9018673c8 he was glad 4fb9ab9b13 that I was a415692c99 his wife.078892284ab61b5d

Not Helena 53f21627ab of the 93a0059a08 Larestin family, e461702aa5 but me 03ed4a6e3b in front 4b068afe56 of him…….9f5cf6224eb44652

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“Yeah, let’s not compare. Because I’m me.”d80d5e5f2f407cb1

Patting my f65aad08b9 heart throbbing 1ec85ae25c with guilt b4bb0c0ecf and anxiety, b6f8b65b0f I muttered 93520be88f as if 1308188f41 I were b2e593a3db determined.22a068d6a7d0ca0e

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After doing so, strangely, 032d6bfa39 I felt much better.f4f423120fa510e7

But as if to 36508dcec0 ridicule such efforts,db016593f21efd30

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“Good morning, madam.”eebed2b966465338

As soon as 70fa57b133 I left the 429f1af983 bedroom, I ran 0362284285 into Rosalyn.2aad4623e6d3ea3c

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Smiling brightly, she was 51ed9501d0 as beautiful as a a192d185e6 flower. Like the name 535dcea8d2 derived from the f866477dc3 rose, it was 90edd5befa so pretty and 52a33078bb bright.74a98d7311879334

“Good morning, 9b5225afba Miss Rosalyn.”66217739b428f005

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Unlike me, not 3f4c4f666e elaborately dressed, she 90a70f847c shone despite her 020524367f modest attire.39c7da11cd0829fd

The emotion, 162c8dd340 jealousy, and 7135c58e91 inferiority complex 390699ae77 that I 40e5c8c300 had been 10f98edd75 trying to 5f364d456b kill until c660a7bc93 just before, 6918a38dd6 raised again.cfa9429e8d6f16eb

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Rosalyn praised de28e2dd74 me in dcb7fa317c a bright f71f4cd08b voice, as dd9c06d97b if she 5a13280d0e could not e7efdbc09c guess what 65ca2d8ddc my ugly a4bcdf0348 mind was d5034c52b4 like.4b6e0bb5e99d2bd8

“You’re so beautiful, ma’am!”e0b080db08394b4d

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She continued, 47b81265e6 looking up 23aa6d57df and down 4f9f54c86a at me b16203c69f with her b6dd61235b eyes shining.5e78c54dd14590b6

“Where are you going? You must be feeling better.”4f1ad774415c672f

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I kept my mouth shut because I had nothing to say, so Rosalyn didn’t mind.99156be21490b571

“It was bcefd5fbcf a pity 35fc54a5f3 that we 22269552f3 couldn’t be 99e4290f5b together yesterday.”ecde3c7dc2f6cf79

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“… Yesterday?”95287f428e26815f

My heart was 2693f626cf beating fast.a94751e550264fdb

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Late in 97d8d9d4eb the evening, c05f50e199 I remembered c7dd361871 the two d3478c9b36 of them 7da783394e getting off b3c9a6ac2f the carriage dbded8bec7 and chatting.407383a9b957340a

“Yes, I really enjoyed the ball yesterday. Aslan must have been happy too. He laughed a lot. I haven’t seen him like that very often.”8ff701796f273819

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Rosalyn continued, laughing 433872ca8d as if she 792e9c8616 was delighted just 526395ae79 by recalling yesterday.4fb2906098a50d61

“A lot of fun things have happened! Mrs. Pompinho…….”3bb98cdbd57df0fa

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Rosalyn kept talking, but I couldn’t concentrate on her story.7b3f5be7026a0243

I was so curious about where the two of them went yesterday,but when I found out, I wished I didn’t know.c582f7b9b82f29cd

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“Aslan escorted me. He must have been busy but I’m worried that I might have caused trouble. Am I being too frivolous, madam?”1b7494eda5f2af43

Rosalyn, who e595b7440a asked me 06885d4061 with her 5737158441 concerned face, 86a940989c tilted her 328977dab0 head as 7d4b01e9d7 if seeking 0c038668f8 an answer.891073db6d865271

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But I couldn’t offer her any consolation saying “No, it’ll be fine.”1962dc5b73cff5b5

“… … cd519e461d Aslan escorted f7d7993158 you, did d00b828e1b he?”1cac42f090db40bf

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The words that came 32c446fecb out of my mouth 237695ab58 followed the creaking mind 2df2d39191 also stammered.7a799dede514f9f1

I was hoping she e1eaa75c02 woud say no.45cf5b63bde839da

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Please, I want aa4a6c89a1 you to say c5a3af30a5 that you said 70589366d3 something wrong.b0b6885f69a7ecbc

But as always, 7e29a01b6f my expectations were 3f310ec52e betrayed.11f7ac4c7348602e

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“Yes.”d52575f9157540e4

Rosalyn answered shyly.1b5286b3994ba11d

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The moment I 449cf4c6c7 looked down at b91dadf7da her red-stained cheeks, 0e8a663e59 my eyes became 79d23d837f dizzy.d33f01e322bb4838

“Madam, are you okay?”868d74d27ee4298e

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As I stumbled, 504fe34f31 Rosalyn quickly came 950921dcba up to me 1846cba3f2 and supported me.dd89d0b8e0897a0e

I leaned 6ca94568cf on her 25aab4067e and exhaled 2234d8b0bd slowly. I could feel 3998c0be64 the subtle scent e362019eeb of roses. It smelled ea10f969ed just like d38f6e10a9 her.eaf83384d585aac3

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The scent, which was c5dec67708 making me feel at fd74f72ac5 peace to smell it, d4087946f2 woke me up as 48d1dfdc77 if I had been 9e20a2fe30 hit by cold water.12c3cdb27c9f4fbb

“It’s okay, I’m okay.”c7cde9bfd35c2504

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I wasn’t all right.5a19f366bcb1d80d

I slowly recoiled 5114709bc3 away from her 5fbe24f644 and reflected on 4aef1ddb72 the shocking fact bcd00309e3 I got to d3e331e5e6 know.31cee594f1f4157d

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Why? Why yesterday?73b701b53b5a3489

I waited for 8292e904a0 him yesterday. Until the c23abf242e night deepens 066a7785b3 and the d42b6db022 day dawns.db42d0ef3e472a9e

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Because yesterday 7aeecb6bda was a 77f774fae6 good day.24c92d13670b7994

It’s the day he has to come to me.538b96b18075f4e2

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It’s the day he promised to be with me.2510ae28c4766b56

Yesterday… … .37ca2f4f90322a1c

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[I’ll remember and congratulate you in the future, so don’t be lonely by yourself now.]

Yesterday was my f2cb85421a birthday. The only day f72b0817ba to prove that 67bcc21b8b I exist in 14a972553c this world, not c9e4ce00ee Helena.9b2eb307abfdcf97

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The only day I have that makes me “myself” and not “Helena”.a67bc500fe247408

And it was also 38ef86ca01 the day Aslan promised 1bce5d15c7 to be with me eca20467cf to celebrate every year.fc0db7f8548e52a0

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But he didn’t visit me yesterday.62ced107bbcf8d4a

He forgot all d493c5dac3 his promises and 3287887d24 went to the 5342568abf ball with another 1aa93e633d woman, escorted her, 5e58ab60d4 danced, and laughed 3d618d8045 face to face 8e9bb51190 to face.07d581054fcda80d

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I was waiting for him, and he didn’t care.e706d2720cce82a7