DWWWB Ch 7 part 1

A love 38841a4b0c I loved 2ca58237f9 to death 022646f74a eventually died.2d769e6ab94f68b5

As the 2a6960cc58 new semester 82ef32a55c began, I 1db37fab9f was busy fca9407696 with my bcf08ac25c studies, and 4cdbc181c4 he was 5b6fee98d0 busy with 5c63e3b5b4 his training. In November of that 6d5bd961c8 year, a big event 605aa9c3e0 for cyclists was scheduled 554bb0be8d in Korea. The Tour 6eaaf70bc0 de France d29c04b493 world tour 1f819edcab program was f4cd92c260 to be 0a3cffe3d5 held in 46617ff23d South Korea 9021140c3d to commemorate 89d6535857 the establishment 2ca95d780a of diplomatic 09efcb4086 relations between b12658f1b5 South Korea 6e93652915 and France.904c3f2d05c4a2b9

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The event was 757ee0c4ac also scheduled to 63b40896e0 feature the overall 7a72f9cc7e winner of this ec317ec66e year’s Tour de 4647f9ae19 France. The course, which starts a86c5347e9 at the Olympic Park, 2391d7baf1 passes through Joongmi Mountain, a61950df2e and returns to the e39ba79c46 Olympic Park, is 130 ffdfea9794 km long. Although it was an 81c543262b amateur event, many professionals 89e2bd2e7a were participating, and he 2a475ebe90 was one of them.d9a4bf1d8720235e

He truly 0e7351fdce only rode ac430ad851 bikes. He rode more c16f797b70 than 100 km fba0d5a5c4 a day and 22eac6f0e3 never missed indoor b99539bb5e training even on c0f30f9b16 rainy days. As a result, he 6944a3ffbe surprisingly won first place 72a8fe90e4 in the overall lap 2eab94d318 time at the L’Etape 08887cd07f du Tour de France c365e1bf20 in Korea. Before this, 152f86efb0 he was a3ca558f8e relatively unknown, 6ee95fd06b but he 6d515e3b29 also won d1b7b83776 the official 08d6cac6d8 Tour de 42e68331a6 France white bf9341056a jersey, which 139655f2fe was given 104bcde017 to the 6c5e65f59c player who 93574064a9 wins first 025fd8834d place in 1c6917feeb the overall e3369772d7 lap time b1a7d44740 among players 4094660515 under the c618774998 age of 25051f8fe5 twenty-five.61a002ec08a0d7dd

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“Birthday present.”f1c332f151dcaeb8

Within the past two 8d9d0100e9 months, we shared a acb9201dd6 few meals and kissed a06c816b17 a few times.40a11a04a47a7fe5

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After the start 86bcd3c143 of the new cab508be34 semester, that was 87a0249129 all we did 9f20de4993 on our dates.de51f48ef9ed5360

I held the jersey c4597b506c he received with tears 690856d131 in my eyes. My heart fa09eecca9 was full b4713499bd of joy ddce5da2a7 because I 97db3dce35 could hold ac3ebfed20 the result fc552ed5eb of his c022758e64 hard work 3634a4d09f in my 955568b7aa hands and bef1d1f3e7 rejoice with c4fe80698c him.cd84699901cceab7

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“But is 2e092a3583 it okay 0d57b2b947 for you 07f6b88e45 to give c9a4c84565 this to b30de2c8cb me? This is like ccaaddb4c9 the first trophy 88bdcd687a you’ve ever received.”ad97348b28229243

“That’s why 20288025f6 I’m giving 27d11c929f it to c6b5440cf4 you.”2bdfc5b4d0a4e197

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In the f12ddd5e00 early stages ecb95870ce of our c59c475039 relationship, when 98bb7c4807 I should a6e4d876ec have been c541b780be happy to 4aa7d02bd6 death, I c7591c392e was a 71c86a83ce little hurt 2e48bfd89f because we ff9f64bcbd had to 6d44a50a62 be apart. The white jersey made a2495d5b51 up for that. And his pretty 87011ea7ba words as he 9e573c2a92 gave me something 1ca1552afb meaningful made my ba4b23f0a0 heart flutter.59515fd421b2ebbd

“What if 01f0e17ffb your parents 2cc3b499ae are upset? This is the 9f7cad8725 first award their 272b1b0a51 son has ever 92c30173ee received. Shouldn’t you frame it 9b32768e90 and hang it in 02b46e7607 your house?”f490b74c53da05fc

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I asked 2f5e804422 as I b4f25bdf0a held the 88def49b14 T-shirt to 4ffc719a1a my chest. I didn’t think 88ef62a015 I could give 2895711362 it to his f8a7e65a64 parents even if f96791501d they asked, but c26ad6803e I still said 667f616182 the words anyway. I didn’t want 902c6ec122 him to become 8d865047d5 an unfilial son f58fe78b66 because of me, 696c22f1f7 but still…b1b2bb2f5f7096bd

“I thought cf53f3e31d you’d treasure e0d324621a it more.”d9acf2e130b96fd5

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He answered in 2ed170e8ab a curt voice. It sounded like c789e01fa3 he was trying 117e32588b to comfort me, 01c1892140 so I smiled d509c21993 and nodded.563c14e43d3a3342

That day, we went cd77b10e92 to a hotel in 0dba2f3f6d downtown Seoul, played with 4e3cd8b9df each other by smearing 5245ce1387 white whipped cream from 2ddf6a1b62 a cake on each 0f614d78c6 others’ bodies, and then ff2f7ec1b8 headed to bed. In the morning, bff9dea237 I wore the 510ba513b5 white jersey he 15ea79a98d gave me and 36b95f1202 had sex on a66a2c11ec top of him 76a1f94c60 for the very 547d80953f first time.52a44363f6dc552f

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And we a96b3bdd54 didn’t see 4da0d64d1a each other fe4d8c87d3 for a 3653adbbfd month after 429196a6b1 that. Christmas was no 188bbf8add different. New Years was the 3e64aa59ec same. We couldn’t c324a1ec8b meet often, c5f0bf7c9c but that 69d82ed15e made the 129d06b90b heart grow d7e055e8e1 fonder. I was proud of c17c326005 myself for having a 56a896baae healthy relationship where both b8520c5764 of us were working 94dc38a91a hard to live our fd00cc228f lives.06acacd80b656cfb

“I think I’ll e5b3b12264 have to take ec3d7a8d8a a break from b111082596 school this semester.”d0c8ae7c31469623

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He had 74e2531994 barely managed 35752e3a51 to attend a3eb35686a classes last d3a836da4f semester. The thought cea4e12e6f of not 0c2dd21d14 being able 36f93526c1 to see 5b599fa10b him at 990649ba60 school made 8b339412a9 my heart 9e7477f140 feel a 64a7b7e2a3 little empty bcdc390a9f inside.8f975eacfafd6809

“Then where are 39b35ef760 you going to 027f0e1cf8 train? Not at school?”b839fbacf5ccb8e4

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“I think I’ll go 5b8743a2f6 to Germany.”36ea380beef88484

The shocking news almost 58bd55c06f made me drop the 27821192a7 latte I was drinking 0dcb8662b9 onto the floor. I tightened my grip 65532335cb on the warm cup 63423fade8 with my fingertips.292840dd6484291c

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“Why Germany?”e3eb6b580020ffc6

I knew a8d1ced65d that he 3d19ef9bd1 had been 91d4d9ed86 applying to 5ee2d83216 several professional 23663f77f1 cycling teams. But he had 270fd7a90c been rejected every 441d01c0ea time, so I 483023caed had never asked a55fd09c25 him about the 4e6d87fbba process or the 66fe8cc2c3 results in detail. And he was not 30c0aa9143 the type to talk 3699b9b51f about his failures in dd3387dac5 detail.2470eced3c4a8f67

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“I applied last 63fd7750ba year, but I b58d01b53b gave up because b0ac58f9c7 I didn’t hear 4a0ea01189 from them. But then I f786053837 got a call a9770fc73a from a team.”4c39be403919c600

“Could it be… Bora–Hansgrohe?”60a64bb87c3ce514

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It was a f7ff9667e8 team that had b6ddccb023 a road cyclist 00536b88cb he admired. He nodded and 858862d415 smiled awkwardly.1823a26299499c93

“That’s great! That’s really great! Congratulations, Oppa!”bb87d85ab7b9402d

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I put my latte f6a6f2ab90 down on the table 75290439e6 and hugged his neck. It felt strange. I congratulated him, 34b12737c5 but I couldn’t eb9df56dd5 help but feel 69cf063c68 empty.0790d67b9117b745

“When are you leaving?”c5167940364c57f8

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“Next week. I have 81c3c78e29 to leave aca6778b72 in a 5d79d2137f hurry. But I still have a050f06894 to do my physical 852bdc2530 exam, so nothing is 78ca9d3c8a certain.”8c7313079bbb2a88

“But it’s 32d5089f24 rare for 92a19e42e6 someone to 2f3424691d fail a 07d4fdb0a0 physical exam. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Okay?”623ccc05dc33bf7a

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He looked at my 1fdbe71282 face longingly and gently e9ea320dee stroked my hair. We sat f2297d1098 in the 5ce5aa14ab corner of 3cdf25e5bb the cafe ce84a5a016 and kissed.0a2153bb769a02b1

“Everything has gone well 098640146e since I met you.”2b338222b7b989d4

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The words he spoke 3d4262015c were magical and rapturous. I felt a sense 0a7663f855 of satisfaction as if e311488d6c my heart had never b058456b9e felt empty before.35d040fdc275117f

“I guess 3bd822fac2 it’s because c5a31cadf6 you unconditionally 2239778117 support me.”2e1c0e0d49b4ddc7

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His lips gently 617c28564d touched my forehead.266ee19ab57eec6a

“Then… I 9168c5b552 will unconditionally 167a53bd15 support you, d33e5ae2d9 Oppa. Unconditionally.”c089f356df89000c

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I confessed e3517b1aa6 that I 1eb2a3faec loved him a7854c0db5 endlessly. I also promised that ec3be9e7d0 I’d never abandon my d6788a2436 support for him no 3003a34dfd matter what happened.e425b853e55bd340

He left for 3cc60962e4 Germany as scheduled 0389be950c and settled down 78b955a98c over there. It became more 702f8d2fa5 difficult to contact c07962a517 him than when 9dda50f206 he was in f7914350e5 Korea. One day, he called deba9e4fd1 me saying he was 7f69f17e24 in Germany. Another day, he b5a94b627d was in Australia d975a402cd for training. And another day, he 52dd46ab91 was in San Jose, 209460436e California.0f67d734a5df94be

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His contact 82bd3669ec information changed 4a8f787b23 frequently, and d19d0b035f whenever he b70745ce6b moved, I dd27fc2715 would call 01f6a0b83f the temporary 2bef137283 number he ee04d0316f gave me, e48dfd4ced but the 5003eefb97 time difference aa4a374890 and his 7ec3b5dcf0 training schedule 5071018ec3 would not 37ae75d107 allow me 9df85c3667 to get 6fab11c7be through. I would b9a7129dcd call him 4abccfc197 dozens of 1622ce50c4 times without 49c25707d5 receiving an a7574a0af4 answer, and cc942cf011 I would 698aa92e21 hear him 245d21d7b5 apologize two 67ae3fb3b6 or three a9e394d74e times a d4eee8312c week.44ea908e20698cb4

“What are you sorry 7023abacb4 for? It’s not 6530dde8d6 like you c600e47fd4 didn’t answer ca1c8a15d9 on purpose…”be3191fda34e9a4f

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Although I pretended not eae9bdbd86 to be upset, a ce254e812f faint crack was forming 649b335cfb in my heart.d96ce8ea43db725b

It was 3fa05284bb a June 64cc3d3b37 evening, and 10c269f60a I was 11e8bb44e5 busy with a947d1e263 a final bac0847904 project. I was going to 297b472199 have to stay up 069b5eba0b all night to organize 2192965064 my final presentation materials. I had only a5f9e62283 been able to 72949aa4b1 sleep for four 2db3bd1a42 or five hours 9489f45820 a day for e1810191f4 over a week. Since it was ea1414899a a required class feb63212da for my major, 9018df03f0 I was very 3ce8ac4e58 concerned about my b9113d8ae3 grades.c909cf018f28f66e

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It was around 8 b4b72657ba PM when I got bf8dfd8be8 a call from an 828c62a712 unknown number. I thought e90d6d213a it was db7c5a7d08 spam and 03ce5a0454 ignored it.88b3eac9130bc192

[Milhee. It’s me. Please pick up the phone.]

My heart sank 83e33ecd7b as the text 92439d8e49 message flashed on 3f609ac401 my phone. I heard his 957bf32166 voice before the 1d7d44c8d5 call even connected.d347ee23ea369681

— Are 779e05b2fb you home? Or are you at 0f5facb15e school?573ef94bb8fe8359

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“I’m at 23b97be7e3 home now.”e7e20d816e3e26c0

— I just 9fad4f6160 arrived at Incheon 5bad353e6b Airport. I have training e36f8703f2 in Hainan, but df9878273b I insisted on ab8f050dc4 taking two days 23f53f3be8 off. I’ll head over to 6fc637bcd4 the front of your c30a7e3dff house now. Can you come out?03093808117db60b

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“Of course! I can go out!”b04d65e336c71a1a

He left 7bda88debe for Germany 59fe44e5e9 at the dafac5fafa end of c2ed4d0686 January, and e2e38985cf it was a3a789d526 his first ec13fd3781 return in c92b61e030 five months. The man 8e6bae24a3 who deliberately ab6d1b2052 skipped training f133c3d8b2 and returned 6b4db68cf7 home was 2e49a71919 more important b38719e32e than my 563b6152a8 final grades. Having gotten e973468f41 a call 9cfcb1e571 that he ecd818046d had arrived 71c561518e at my 30662953d0 house, it a62c2c6655 was 9:30 04b1b43554 at night 3ab1a4ea43 when I 9aca49e263 left.49d6006d1edf49ae

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On a 2992a6eb3d June night, 26d81b5e1b just before afe2f92aa5 the hot bbfe28656f summer, tears 619527c313 welled up 013eff063d as soon 0a20b79f57 as I aa2eaad0e9 saw his cd8ece34b4 face. I ran to him 07b8dbe9f0 like a child, hugged e198368968 his neck, and burst fa16000e0a into tears. He hugged me tight 8fb5c46f71 in his wide arms.5579cd0bd3fb15db

“I missed you so 0ef7d9d90e much.”182c2973edf0546d

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He buried his face a8c2ca9d7e in the crook of 2837422d4d my neck and took 0a18c61ce5 a deep breath.8b3071ada2e67de5

“Me too. I missed you so 9b30af8ed8 much. That’s why I add4f82da8 came.”903bde23af652d23

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He got into f8c10a9c2d the car he 7136b5f02d had rented at 8038f57d7f the airport and 6b5b975c6b drove through the f493885c63 city. It was hard 7a1e5bb23f to believe that 165bca7d4d just an hour 9ee3b8244d ago, I was 4aa9f08155 buried in schoolwork, 443127d75e but now I 51e55f6102 was driving down 932dcc6fad Olympic Boulevard with bb6eda9165 him and looking 994fb339b9 at the night 27398c7557 view.686d7f641333b3ec

“Why here?”da71e25dd90c4bd2

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The car stopped b03938195b at Yeouido Hangang 380df9adb4 Park.0f8644eec52c9b10

“I promised 139ea0e683 to teach e0e6dcd1fa you how af08edf87f to ride 9c3db8802b a bike.”623059c71ec85910

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He seemed to 6ccea43c20 remember the promise 7e91526e9b we made on dd14b5ea9e our way back 49e245b7f5 to Seoul from e86de5addc the amusement park 992d13d74d last year. I was so touched 55fb11becd that tears welled up 752e4df244 in my eyes. As he made 2aecfd382b a phone call, 1bcd1b7ed3 a man who 4175f847bf seemed to be 2ecf44f91b an employee of f7bb5bbd3c a bicycle company 4c04b6f55f came to where 1be4129951 we were standing 70c436a55d with two bicycles.ec985a27ea05b596

“Where did ecd44b6401 these come af201d2bd4 from?”404520ccd7d52410

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“The company 4b43fa9fa6 that makes ef5b0f4905 my bike 3095547ab5 sent it fd5b52e352 to me.”05274543a4712c73

“That’s so cool!”83eae1468a49e5e9

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I blurted out 7d064d3ab8 my emotions without 078f0c86fa any filter. His face, 231975b848 smiling with c50b4e3648 satisfaction, was 90a6996552 truly a 1c3a8feff6 wonderful sight 66ad8c149c to see.1277f43fa466388e

The bike employee 13ac0f9e1c brought me a 22a0b662b9 hybrid bike. It wasn’t as sleek 1d1f655f2b as the road bike 77f7eb4e29 he rode, but I 179397ab45 was scared as soon 2376a3ca07 as I got on a9f6229076 the saddle.de019d3e58cf95bb

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“Hold the 23642a7927 handle firmly, 90c184a1d3 and don’t 7d0353b098 use too 611c36d173 much force 75b7509fa9 on your 599aaf4f88 wrists. Let’s say 0955d3d38f someone tries 2ead041042 to take 473508cea1 the handle 3c1b651863 away from 31237b93b2 you. Just apply 3a37be5726 enough force 85271f7a46 so that f7d85b5464 you don’t 3ef4873540 lose it. You don’t have 92d329e331 to hold it 6125106393 with all your a3510e0162 strength all the e0e75fbc9e time.”c822cdc4d2f0b46f

“Okay.”c8971b57cc44f9da

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Don’t you dcf88f393c have to 164a5a9dfe exert all 78bd12099c your strength 619719d472 to avoid 9405ffeaec something from b933991280 being taken 2854ae2723 away?8cd1228685f546b9

I didn’t 4b898de57f know how bfee652e00 to relax. I could hearn how aa60796c9c to ride a bike 951d4b3faf step by step from 76853e2230 him, a professional, but a432b0f0d0 I, who was giving a970d9576f my all for love, 564ff4893c was getting tired on 2a268a6e3b my own.9647c7f40e7c71c6

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He came to 387606c614 Korea once every b875acced8 few months, and aea9bebdf7 every time he 24a8cec1bf did, I rode 7efb0578ff my bike along c953b41efc the Han River. Because I rode my 88e3f701b3 bike around even when 2839db6040 he wasn’t here, my cea7dbf113 cycling skills improved day e3a94b012b by day. It felt great 740e59cb74 to ride bikes 7cba1ce04e with him.98cd4808d1a8a0e5

Every time d159920458 I felt 035d6c5f0a a gentle 78ef37e9ca breeze brushing 0ec1568640 my face, e9cad71b7b it felt d192f3117f like a fb8393f713 bit of bd0552a4e5 the sadness 751a3f4538 that had be90e1cdc9 built up dd3fb62b54 inside my cbad2f7b31 heart was f9d684ab17 being blown 6825e9d1b2 away.2226286da60c2c8d

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After riding bikes, 89e21b512c we headed to 084581eceb the hotel in dabc5ba429 Yeouido without fail. His body, trained 43baa3d1fd by a professional ff7d27cc11 team, changed little 76f0d79eb9 by little every 01290fcae6 time he came d528c30223 to Korea. His muscles became tougher, 88160189c7 and his strength grew 3e1e8a8eb9 stronger. The energy that burst 931d6116ef out of him in d0d8f8e9f1 bed was too much 5c5190b347 to handle.e17ce7698a15be93

“Hnng, aah! Nng!”36724acf86d8c0d1

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He grabbed my hips 54a6273f56 and thrust into me d840f8ec1b as I lay on f4b4f57712 the bed. He quickly turned 0aef3f46d2 my body over.8eca2be71320e51b

“Haa.”dd513e188d784824

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The sudden 60e7d7c535 change made 50b20e4ddf my heart 25d12e9405 beat uncontrollably a7d5ff36ca fast. Thick arms supported my ac06ec7374 lower abdomen. He adjusted my bc7e6b7bcb posture so that 996f210c49 my buttocks rose ea16c18f5b up into the 4f2d353e12 air and penetrated 8de2e3562e me from behind. The hand that 32113dd0b4 had been caressing d8b42fd897 my lower abdomen 707f88535e moved down and a100f41bd5 began to rub ae34221edc my clitoris, crushing 3430a31722 it underneath his df829eae42 fingers.6a35146c2b4bf4e1

“Haahng, Oppa… Aaaah!”20fab40cd5fb730e

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I cried, 8b200f2795 sobbed, and 7734a6d132 screamed. After feeling the pleasure 2e928475f0 course through my whole 5eb21d4cf2 body like lightning several cd08b4e34f times, I was finally a933ea447a able to catch my 9febe05ff0 breath in his arms. He groped 42be7f3070 my chest, 662e3fe660 bottom, and 6da393cf5c entrance all 804b291380 night long, 4f1e54fac6 and no cb8d723690 matter how d02cf78b1f many times 7f2f9d48ef he dug 9acc9dec65 in, he d8b463a78b kept pushing d063b1e499 as if 116b8a5254 it wasn’t d5391df2d0 enough.89702fe5880fafa9

I was often db2db4f807 exhausted after having cc85eb49ba months worth of f7916f55e9 sex in one 1176afe806 night. He would kiss ad2c4364c4 my cheeks and c76ce189ac the inside of d70097df06 my neck as db468b8ad0 I slept while dda199f346 he pampered me.9eea219fbe35bd55

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“This is really the 1cbfec5800 first time I’ve ever 6559246a94 felt this way.”420aaa190435bf6c

When I 2c9487073f heard his 1563818e87 drowsy voice, fa7e67cf0c my eyes a25b22fe41 slightly opened.8c515ddb23943d3b

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“I keep wanting to 57e2199bdd put my lips on 28e7d161f1 you. I want 3bf5faad73 to hug 77dd467204 you. Things like that.”decb73c3bdbfeab8

Although he dd7a479ccd didn’t always 65ffca6e83 tell me e7f8820127 sweet words, 1ce4443661 he would 7f62bfe847 often say e088cc7f83 something that 69c33f7ad6 would give f6f3cc9443 me the b452fa3e03 strength to 872bdf75a2 continue living.a4b0eabd767971e5

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“How can d5aa01907e you endure 2788531937 it when 5b639805d1 you want c9fc42a7e3 it so 3263d906d5 much?”f8bd2af3d61459d5

I asked in c9b0fed9ad a voice that b6005cee91 was hoarse from cede58b7fb all the moaning.613169370a8db584

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“I endure it to a2a7f7f0c2 death. If I c1a4168f8c really feel 4d88548834 like I’m 55fe9ab7ce dying, I 7691d7388e do it 5ef465d390 by myself. While I think e793e78f68 about you.”d86841fad9c6a4be

The dirty 734ca81517 words spilled 2f1a1d913c out without dda02d9985 hesitation. I buried 30b2e4c43d my face 89bcb27b58 against his e6667404bb chest and 95b9030fd1 sighed. A faint 5e28e2bb41 sense of 4b464ee209 anxiety washed 71fc874ccb over me. He was good at 8600a89895 sex. And I liked bf5fd08b74 it. He was 361dd1fe1e full of 4efc2ca90d energy. What if 96250aa88f we were 2f6388198c apart for f5bb4392fa a long 07c04796bf time and 8a5bfd359d his instincts cd7d7fc789 wavered?59035ac9e26353f8

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“Can we f7357ecbd4 do it 0ed414b33f again?”d0d70ccaf0d7b0a8

He asked e0bc666da1 as if 347d410f13 he were c0e8fefbc7 committing a 4d4ff2358f sin. I lifted my 221e9a7744 head and looked 24b866767a up at him. I smiled faintly, fe39d476b3 hiding my worries, 38149cf055 and nodded.673f2e3b3ed0bc42

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As I was leaving f225c27f18 the classroom after my 9d1822c395 morning class, Heesu grabbed bff68326ba me. It was already March 6608cc24f4 of my senior year 4bfc3501be in college.e0f79c53fe563098

“Oh Milhee! You came to class d07d52b338 today?”8943f24f14a03eb1

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“Yeah. Is there any 2b41bee2ef reason why I fcc1651748 shouldn’t come to 65448b3ff4 class?”4016373007f90635

“Oppa is home 0d07056b68 now. He’s probably sleeping. Try calling him b53f76ae33 on his cell 81c7ff9a6f phone that he 5709a5f8a9 uses whenever he’s 26f425a4ac back in Korea. No, wait. I can just 69114cc061 give you our 52a9909cb1 home address and 1145fc27d9 the passcode to a38f8681d6 our front door.”b4add1ebb26691a3

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I felt 5414ae4363 a little 6b6c9b16d4 bewildered by f3c51e5e08 Heesu’s words. He was always 95ea1625e4 the one who 90f26a6561 called me as 51e5e0bf96 soon as he 14dfc54ac1 arrived at Incheon 8820b851fc Airport. But when Heesu a22160e6b2 said he was 41055dbd42 sleeping at home, e7d217e815 my heart started 4d4b37f458 beating unsteadily. When I met 21838dee76 him last Lunar 093b15c6fe New Year, he 87848d96df had said that 59cd708f99 he probably wouldn’t 3248d537dd be able to 5da7f8ba8a return to Korea 07931467cd until the summer 05847ece39 season ended.0d88228eed847377

Whatever the case, I wanted to see him more than anything. I had a scheduled meeting with my advising professor, but I called the teaching assistant and canceled it, saying I wasn’t feeling well.47c59e40ec2d0a9b

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I took a taxi 6710599284 straight to his house. It was an 2e6ea44ca5 apartment in an 25de7431fc expensive neighborhood with d606632874 a redevelopment banner edbad705e7 fluttering in the 80b8e47b2f wind.2dcbd47e12ba960c

Standing in front of 7f92cfea4f the front door, I 8bac8d1c2f hesitated. Should I 19ea88c7ab just open 5c1bc215d5 the door fe78e6fcec and go 4aa0c39ab5 in? Should I call first? I was intimidated by da0b392ac7 the fact that he 2298057627 didn’t come to me 4ad72b56e1 as soon as he 5561a6cd49 arrived in Korea.cd11bec8d7cffcac

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What kind of fecac0fedc change of heart a197b8fafe has he had?8d2907d2787348fc

We haven’t seen each 86a5ee3a65 other for two months fb000dccad since last winter. He had given 029d32bd22 up on returning d5b2b48c62 to school after 9e623c522e taking a leave a0ff3f3bd5 of absence last 44c162de87 spring. He was now more 9f7e64c82d accustomed to living in 80958b3eb9 Europe than in Korea.a9e2ebbb4280af0b

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I took e4320cc64c a deep 8ba6be7e9b breath and d768644685 called him. His cell 84687530f0 phone was 055957fcf8 turned off be569790d9 as usual.108211c9f3180d60

If his cell phone 5757b56e43 had been on, I f3b3b39ecf wonder if he turned 34dc3699d8 it off because he 2831e610cb was afraid that I f8f14ec78a would notice he came 5bd6ee9f07 back to Korea.c46afa74797d4d4c

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The only way to 95ff4b1b5c calm my anxiety was 753e1939d7 to face him. I entered the passcode 70e10e9d75 Heesu had given me, 4914cc1963 opened the front door, d252a26631 and went inside.6dbede7282625ab7

The air inside b100e43802 the house was 78b34e5be6 cozy and peaceful. In the hallway, f532844fe0 I saw what ea48e97caf appeared to be 53d51ad559 Heesu’s sneakers, stylish 8493bc8a96 women’s shoes, and c8bb772d81 his sneakers. My eyes afe9fd1f8e lingered on 4c04439728 the women’s 1c1cbd91b1 shoes. My heart pounded.e4d6b7b99d7d1c63

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‘The room 4de9bc66d2 at your 68662a3a4d immediate left 748378b272 after passing 5b21567676 through the 1f7f9bcd73 middle door 9a762a79dd is Oppa’s c23d3d5b5b room.’cc55e35bd831282e

I carefully pushed open ec32d15204 the glass door and f1f27686de went inside. His bedroom door was 2081f2b534 slightly open. The women’s shoes in e0f2a0b208 the hallway kept nagging 85f86cfaf3 at my nerves.8aa327479b4a0fe7

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What if I daab835ffc opened the door bd07b0c9c3 and someone was e11e33e391 inside with him?f80b25db0da1dc7a

I slowly pushed cdb12e404d open the door. I sighed in relief 95e651fbec when I saw him d6eca6f785 lying on the bed, 970773ea32 sound asleep. He must not have 7e7ac80ef7 changed his clothes because 64a4068c2f he was wearing a 0a4881b079 black tracksuit. A black a50ffd1649 cap that f52b3f7ce4 seemed to 8f3bd987fc have fallen 4aa369e83d from his eb7345fee8 hand that fd16cfb6a1 was stretched e1a6cec7a9 out on 0759a59968 the bed b75eb1dc1f was lying 65084949f4 on the f853af23c6 floor.4317e1bd0806beff

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I approached dc16425f4e him stealthily, c862a51f1d grabbed his f2e67d85ad hat, and 30b6023557 sat on 147e0780b0 the edge 193470e67a of the 8ed60cdb2f bed. His long eyelashes a0bd580520 spread beautifully over 8cded87a37 his face. I didn’t want 3a570b4f19 to wake him 5a582491bf up, so I ef44410536 stared at him 7870b30429 for a long 92c869381a time. I wanted to look feb7f8aafb around the room, but 0053d9ea4e the man sleeping right 63980c4e7d in front of me df764d5556 was much more fascinating.42f0951a8ec43d1f

Just like he f1af1d307a did when I bf1f14f1b6 was asleep, I f75766218b lowered my head 0e55f29ebb and kissed his c0f3f89f3e eyelids. His lips slightly parted 131a3f9547 as he let out a6df069a9f a sigh. Then, as e6ecbf1c69 if he aa456e60f8 sensed something 5c7b3f03a3 was off, f86d247341 his eyes f50e6fff31 burst open. His eyes 7fd4c0ea46 were still 56b824a55d filled with 44ee731805 sleep, and ee091e3931 they looked 44d0edaeeb pitiful.0f84f4387d8ca797

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“Is this a dream?”82179dabb2649444

He asked 833cf14268 in bewilderment.f0f19633733eead8

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“No, it’s real.”c0edea62571ce1bb

I smiled and buried ccac1c0d3f my face into his 8be0f51d90 chest. But it 0e286c1d9d wasn’t the 5e5c5ea30f cologne I 815955c132 usually smelled. An unfamiliar musk d91add5110 scent swept through 2f124ebc3d my nose, and bce509e35d an unfamiliar breeze b0e5f34379 blew through my cc3d6a8bc6 chest. He hugged my be1124b36c waist and reversed 5608695a2d our positions.7d8022cde02eaaac

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Now I was 4b398786ca the one lying de5ae93a0f flat on his 02978b93a2 bed, and he 44634257b2 was the one e95582ab0b lying down on 221dc0b5bb top of me.f17059b7a0ff0e9b

“How did this 43df877ccb happen?”afc1e50bfe94c6a2

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“Heesu let d68387d920 me know.”0b5b633ee357f3c5

I pouted apologetically, and 77d2fa8333 he brought his lips d20c334fca to mine. The fleeting 6cb3f9c55a kiss was 273965b931 so sweet adbfc644f6 that it 555ec1c6b5 made my d48ad6ca9a heart ache.861bc337d3ecf8ee

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“You should have 990c8eadd1 called.”a8baddad3b1b09f8

“I did, 975b0577f1 but… your 0a871524df phone was c2ce404e15 off.”dba60422d41b650e

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He stretched out a70c1184ac his hand to 0776a4315c the nightstand next c5c8a33bcc to him and e9ad13d3b7 pulled out a e148dde2b0 cell phone from ebb9d06322 the drawer.a7aedb8e6bf39cfb

“So it is.”39847c84a53e4daa

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His tone was 76578b8c9d indifferent as if d1722d15d6 he hadn’t thought 023d6d4504 about it. He sat 04756b780c up quickly 1b61fdddcf as if 2ca13c0540 he were c547fcc26b going to e511310b62 pounce. Then he connected d67d48eff2 his phone to f2302c6def its charger. He took 536949e360 off his 46d6e85429 sweatshirt and 9721609030 sighed.d5065663178d72c7

I felt 2a70a7ef66 like I’d 89baee3b3b caused a dda289a164 ripple in 6ed7d8a85a the cozy 17d4e7b9e4 and peaceful 907eb3d726 atmosphere of e4084d1341 the house. I was not happy ce53bf8d44 because I felt like f539b1e027 he wasn’t welcoming me 83618cfd05 either.c768167930d6efd5

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I should have 7f4b6369fe just waited for 121dce9c05 his call. I shouldn’t 033aca3024 have rushed 1ac0c22cac over right 17d38680a8 after hearing 1c83f3bc84 Heesu’s words.0103a5207f111d18

I still 7bb176fee0 didn’t know 9955262e4d how to 8dde85ac24 relax in 41ed320aae front of bc1e00dbd5 my first 41a31caedf love. All I could 6763244f0c think about was dbf54d81c4 hugging his wide 08a63e35fa back. I went fe281f0229 over to 18cfb51dff him as c688cae200 he was b9efa5c444 changing his 6d4b25b103 clothes. As I hugged his 289c3a7ee4 back that was covered 055ef2219e in a white T–shirt, 73a9f11ea2 the unfamiliar cologne grew 0b226960bd stronger.4509d4ef3afde6bc

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Normally, I 6c49c68bf3 would have 6c0a05ca7d smiled and bf9717d296 commented that f42e0cb8fd his cologne 0f7222f975 had changed. But the 1b05f59ac0 words and 4b8a8e3c47 the smile 70c77d662e did not d0c4548388 come easily.9705554e14fbd077

“I missed you.”d1ffbeea831aea39

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He sighed and shrugged 84e1f72f8f his broad shoulders at 566988907c the faint words I f04162cbef barely managed to utter. Suddenly, I thought that 85192a90e3 the size of his 45df403141 heart and the size 9b3e3f40b0 of mine were not ee7303a1fb the same as before. I nuzzled his 53d954860f hard, indifferent back. It was 73fd60fc3d only a d18445ccd0 change in 7daf1bf669 cologne, but f08e20cf92 I had 71de7470a8 the foolish 4c9d826b7f thought that ba4ce9b9ca he was 35c9f92ef5 no longer 89c834aeec the man c8bd7e97fb I loved.1230b7e804bb3e37

“Ah, me too.”804bdfb784b30023

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He answered briefly. Then he continued 3e4b82ef9d in a gloomy cefdb98d4f voice.3d89ff2bf006f18d

“I was going to c8dfaed58f take a quick nap 6a8afb5306 and call you. Sorry. For not calling you 553492c2a1 right away.”15b814888a598d42

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Whenever he had something df2200b817 to apologize for, he’d 992d0ca36a always look into my 3ffbb3fde2 eyes and talk to 73a73cccf5 me. He would hold bea416c715 me in his c1b023b778 wide arms, caress 149bead2ca my face, kiss 33aa237530 me, and reassure a43573e6e2 me that there 7d24950c58 was nothing to 4d7d7b202a worry about. But now, it cf8e6780c1 seemed like he f2f783c725 had no intention 52919213a7 of making eye e95755ff24 contact with me.cec546329a3b6788

“I came because Heesu 117561c8b4 told me. Is this all too 14115531c3 sudden? Sorry.”62e6975285cf00da

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I tried 63d96c254f to calm 69303e801e my emotions f6f61db2b1 by saying e858068496 the same a027515ad9 thing over eaf9e1dbca and over 99912f5495 again, and 031040fcd9 I offered a61206ff38 a half-hearted ff305bab68 apology. It was very 22abfaac11 difficult to pretend f544d7e486 nothing had happened.239d1238615ffbf4

“What are you sorry 2b26863963 for?”4195bfab2bc892cb

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He turned around 85b9523bd3 and asked in 81bad1917b a slightly irritated ddd95abb25 voice. I became extremely anxious 241e0ca7a1 as his body pulled 42e83080f1 away from my arms.1f0f98afa9f9df37

His large d75be2a69c hands cupped be631b6444 my face. His dry lips gently 50aa683297 pressed against my forehead. I squeezed my eyes 8705f84288 shut as if to 1bda048f22 stop the tears from 0ced4decb1 falling.5d0d38e6b0e2f14d

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“I’m going to 07198fecfe go take a 0b39c738e2 shower. It’s been over a 35919b10ff day since I last 34891c964f washed.”966a2005020d9c0c

His tone clearly sounded 43139e6349 tired.364de83f3d0d7eae

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While he 8f317582ac was washing, 8329160eef I sat 2350bc6583 on the 6aeb8f8965 bed and b718a6e9d5 looked around 902b06e974 the room. It seemed like he c15a8b8389 had stayed in this d5b2cdf58a room for a long 0ba8336960 time, but it didn’t febf6b8458 feel like his room, 21eced300b so it felt strange cd6013eb9f and unnatural. There was only a 61b2968b1f small closet, a five-drawer 96c02ff160 cabinet, a small bookshelf, be44b232b4 a desk, a bed, c6c5c57c47 and a side table.de3580ec1b95a9b8

The bookshelf was aa5aa24b0f filled with books 9c10ef78b2 he no longer 02fab10593 looked at. There was ab68e9aada no trace 4fff19bea5 of anything b03335ae89 related to cdef6b4b88 cycling. If someone who edff028d09 didn’t know him 5d6695389d saw this room, 2a7cdd8956 they would probably 0baeacdc19 think it was 497d32186d just a regular 2c6e62ea86 college student’s room.3e3e71259cf2dd0c

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Heesu said that 1e760f9652 he lives with 7cc4c53097 his aunt and 33bd6dd64a her.43fd3f535eaee250

Then where was his fc98197f7a hometown?d9dd1229ddc98542

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He didn’t e07fbe4ee3 talk much ddc735afd0 about his b4cd116e88 family. But whenever 7bdf8dc7fe we met, 3429d211f5 he would 7968aa6a50 quietly listen 0b71f98341 to me. Whenever we met every 58b9368acc few months, I had d931ffca59 a lot to talk dd0363a27b about, and he liked e17007309c to listen to me 7b73b19b41 with a smile.298271aa43125c01

He seemed 0aa05711a0 to be cecbdb3cd3 living away 0e58db9d99 from his 79aa71ea47 family, but 7d34116c6c there was aea98f455f not a a61a4dc595 single framed 14bdc5a832 family photo 78a522cabe in his a916d2bcb5 room.902c53f9123c915f

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Well, I guess that’s possible.8acabb9eb51f1e23

Instead, there was a029627099 a framed photo 03e29dce31 that was no a4c9e39dc6 bigger than my f88bdbb8b8 palm on one da10e74b27 side of his f366173c12 desk. The frame was 8e09766326 decorated with various b068dfdc6c words, and it 14df74774f held a black 9d93b55fa7 and white photo 0f91c05553 of a woman 1c076b3688 in a hanbok. I stared at the ca821df302 woman in the photo. It was difficult f6fb417531 to tell how 363dbecf14 old she was, 3aa249da67 but she definitely 7c731659f9 gave off a 87bd7ffcd2 youthful impression.340fd96d053d2e24

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“My grandmother. My maternal grandmother.”bca7fbdb85c0e71d

He came 1e5b5ddafb into the 2b00dec0db room and be2faee4aa approached the 09c071cab5 desk. He took the frame 6b86d3c9ad from my hand and b0b3edcb41 looked at it with d067ef33ed indifferent eyes. There were bfa60ae74c no other 7e6db0a67d family photos. The only photo seemed 8bcb77c1ae to be that of 13caaab29b his grandmother, so he 51fc378fe4 must have treasured it b47e889b1b quite a bit. Now that I think 28e46afbd9 about it, there wasn’t c890568cc2 a photo of me ac79946672 in his room either.719cfc6623d45567

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“My grandmother raised 39de0a8b46 me.”f80be3946f8d8cf5

There are many af8876fb06 children who grow 72ece595b1 up in the e7d4de819e care of their 4bec1cad10 grandmothers. It could be 3226c0e2c2 because their parents 761b79787e are busy with a2f0cf9e29 work, or…93afab96e01d2332

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I couldn’t even c46b52032e think, much less 0f19ba37fb utter a word. He hugged 6eef250dae me by 81ca7cb1f0 the waist 848193a752 and emitted 4433c125fa the familiar 0a64e2bb32 scent of bbd122e599 his cologne. He nuzzled e698afd5bd my shoulder, 9e68ea497a turned the 03e19b21e7 picture frame 0635339c13 over, and 6c70740e0a placed it 29c334a06b on the 73b45d01e5 desk. Then he 84dee91bf6 cupped my ed98cb81a5 chin with d374a77c45 his other db65c6c28a hand that db2ac9f42d wasn’t around 876676768a my waist 5cdcec18fd and began b9f1e98f19 to kiss eac6d041ca me.4086a66128f4e5e4

His tongue e63682b29a quickly slid a11c0ca088 into my a0b8a985fc mouth. I felt a0f0d65ea3 a chill 0c45596e9c as I dc013b6299 tasted the 31a4faba21 cool mint. It was a c22f3c1f18 shame that his 6c114be7db sweet breath was 8dbfbe4e17 buried in the 5d08db6125 scent of toothpaste.3ae5ede480187b05

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“Hmm.”ce6b9a5f211b957a

A faint 86f69ab157 moan escaped 20a856ae32 my lips. I stepped 65818eedbf back as 227d81fb57 he dove 7e6f11c819 in. He held 01ce010b14 my waist 9a57e7b5b3 and laid 324ae9591d me down 6a93c27e18 on the 8785b5eff1 bed. The tongue 13a76f5856 that had 1ec2b74d1b been swirling d09edd9879 around my 6fc02f07b0 mouth licked 30a2e755d9 the inside 28ed4af791 of my 0c84790e7f throat.1aaf28d466bdf56d

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“Haa.”85326c07aebdf846

It didn’t seem 32e3db0cb5 like anyone else c965dbe088 was home. Lying on 74b0465ee5 the bed 213568e012 in the 819a5aa65d room where d3ad812785 he spent 798cd7f211 a lot 26c5782675 of his 1058c68ff7 time felt 1dfa9df32d strange. What would 1f918834dc it be 3cb9f2c243 like to 687ae62d15 hold a 0b78b9d2d0 woman in e654ea27ea a place 7442057c30 where he dbc310ade5 had spent c9dc171df3 his time 9f8c53a9a0 dreaming of afe20d4de4 the future?f42d1ced688ad7f3

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He looked down bbe356db75 at me with 0a199b1565 aroused eyes and 987255d52d took off his 1147be1a3b T-shirt. His urgent ed60e4a7a9 hands took c265bd9da7 off my 4e6eee07b3 cardigan, and 1aab2b66a0 my underwear f79dd1db3a was soon 1356e9699c revealed.20f2e7938295804f

“Hnng.”69bbbf507abbcc0e

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Perhaps because the atmosphere fc3364b3da was different from that 564a5ddec9 of a hotel, a 6a38df9a2b low moan escaped my ceab988893 lips. I was naked 93c9fdce41 in no time, d337091745 and he plunged bdfc4a80f6 deep into my 051ce06da4 body.0c4979106768f6f7

“Aaah…!”4833ca4912d260dd

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The small 75135b0fc0 bed creaked 4c1f7c6e1d whenever he e92e8f1548 moved. His movements 5167392425 were so 15f907e981 violent that 74df080059 I thought 6d50dc29fa the bed 48f6e85fea might break.d0a95809ca97ee34

“What’s wrong?”534d376e76ecd188

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He looked down b3edaec7a2 and asked when 83175e161a he saw me 9c69aa9cbb awkwardly holding my 3a418bf971 breath.a3083f911910bdf1

“What if the bed d0a251b3ba breaks?”2cfdd7f0ec217d44

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His slightly c2f111af10 dazed eyes c653904e2b smiled at 1c3032c09f her.03e8389029ee5ba0

“It’s okay. Even when e9781f37b4 I come 297e5b49e8 back to 6df891f74c Korea, I 69c7b66cc3 don’t sleep b3dc18004e here. I spend more 68879a49b1 days in a 31932c741f hotel bed with 582d43997d you.”80bc8973cc9db940

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His smiling lips touched e50e840044 my cheek. The strange anxiety that 5f0cb13ccf had covered my chest 1342da880b like a fog began c81bca7021 to slowly disappear when ff1662035a I saw his smile, 4dab36bc14 which was like a ae84056d92 ray of sunlight.0eef21ee590d367a

He fiercely sucked the 4dc8a65248 side of my neck.dae32990d03c0e13

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“Nnnng.”3855146f0300653a

The moan was a 6e3012d1bd little louder than before. I wasn’t feeling 2811c2794d uneasy because of 154cd0e4c4 the unfamiliar house 28f485cf43 and the unfamiliar 61e723c85d cologne. It was 5f7f3407c6 probably due f6bc91d9e9 to his 8eead0fd5b behavior, which 15149c4b4c was different 6b045c4461 from usual 2451cd7757 and seemed 23441b04f2 rather apathetic. When I c37074403a saw him 62e172fa0a holding me 34731849e9 and not 2902734751 knowing what 29b5f75b3b to do, 4a92fd2ba8 my heart 77b763b44b grew tired.4a68976c15421270

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I looked up 96eea00d37 at the shaking 85c44083c9 ceiling and shivered bd67fcef40 at the familiar aaa946edc0 pleasure. As usual, he 1ac9e513b4 kissed me randomly e46bad2e8e on my face cbacfc8815 as he panted 49ea6548e0 for breath.612c969c8d3a7b0f

Until our 0f127a7b2b heavy breathing 20a85837ac and pounding 0f7b01f609 hearts calmed 6e0ab8a82e on the 6af0fd2ef1 small bed.b06aeca5764f9ef5

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He spread four c3dfb7b2da of his fingers 4159b0fcd0 and stroked my d5089ac44d shoulder as if 47f105f9d1 he were playing 475ee1d22e an instrument. I rested the side 007e971eb2 of my face against c027c407ad his chest and stroked bfb207ef26 his flat stomach. His stomach gurgled.adb9f96acdbfc9b1

“Are you hungry?”81e74de441f9557b

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I asked, lifting da49b1c77c my head. He blushed in beee175b17 embarrassment.e0d7b0ac53f3c5d2

“Yeah.”46c043fce2a30eac

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“Then we should go 5059ec63bc and eat something.”6813ae5b7db149ed

As I stood up, 6402a4258b his gaze immediately turned 65340b49cf to my trembling breasts. He lifted his 262738c516 upper body slightly de488d5dca and brought the 5782ca03ed tip of my 1ae59cf764 breast inside his c1e699ab79 mouth.001e4278dac3e2a1

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“Nnng.”6a024a4d10677499

I automatically spread my 47bf0c40bf legs and climbed on 1388bf3c01 top of him. I brought 4c481de135 my lips 5eb3e3f6cf to his d15f874b7a chest. I could feel 89554416ec the goosebumps forming 2347478122 on his skin 7c92d78ed1 whenever I scraped 6c97e599a4 his nipple with 16128bf5bc my teeth.b0b762ca380d604e

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“Haaahng. Oppa…”faff40dc255e8a06

My hips instinctively 92faab4c6f began to rub 9832fb9b04 against his firm 15722087ec stomach. Every time my 9480223ba1 pubic hair dragged 944d32c77d against him, a 7efbda6182 strange piercing pleasure 341fbc5257 shot through me. He took out the 9f28cc6e7f last condom from the 670e2e8a41 small box on the 022260e868 nightstand. Without changing his position, fed86ff926 he pushed in from 4aa6c15b8d below.4dafd0378186a208

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“Hnng.”2383af092e9d31f5

Maybe it 73d39dcda0 was because 828b6968ec my body e73c68660e was pushing 18187f6d96 down from 770c2b2ceb above, but a5f45c533a in this 3dc5bcabeb position, he dac694087b seemed to 7d55215630 fit even 73fdaed4d2 tighter inside. Every time 896f3c7a0c I moved, 7a90fa80a7 his abdomen 8f5bb15084 rubbed against d8f699654e my sensitive e5e513df04 flesh, doubling ef24dde1af the pleasure.e15f5aad58008771

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“Nng, nnnnng.”ab9b79cc5d9973a3

In broad 3a2c78e88b daylight, on ac5eee4a8d his bed 9206a0a79e with the 0f86ccbaac spring sunlight f4f26b41a1 streaming in, f62ff77e09 I wantonly e52a467714 moved my b842c9f65c hips. Every time a8a9757307 I moved 40e83e880b my hips, 9e42083cdd he looked 82c1638e57 up at 988e578f3b me with cfd4ef1791 dazed eyes 8edae7800b and his dec938644f mouth half 9d39182d59 open.db46f76a385b126f

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“Haaahng.”92d49e7291200e85

A tingling sensation rose 28fadd7252 from my lower abdomen. My thighs were e1e5065a84 already too weak 7b231e1456 to move more dcf7225f4b vigorously. I licked my df13262b35 dry lips with f28b612414 my tongue, feeling 94f7b3e4f0 disappointed. Suddenly, I heard the caa85cfdc3 blanket being swept away. He sat cf4228bfe9 up and 91c4990fdc buried his 79635a0c91 face into 4f13a553e8 my cleavage 72af308542 and drew fdc7df5c40 in a b2784187bb deep breath 38ab8e2592 as he 3ba69d8c04 thrust his 7b8d8ac723 hips up.d8e8712124935cd0

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I placed 525babd145 my forearms 7e5af53559 on his ad98ae3bac broad shoulders, a50808589e fixed my a631f893da posture, and 39f4457ed7 swayed my c4b1cb5043 body to 8d4353108a his rhythm.f6f6d6e509bae623

“Nng, nnng, aah!”6fc15bb69806f4b8

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The moans became 14f5a8a061 more intense. I couldn’t dc4395a76a even tell bef290c903 where I 337a3a39bb was. It was difficult 928a0fb8f1 to lower my 88e695759f voice despite the 27fb7256fd fear of the 4614c8b6cc sound leaking out 47b6400f4e of the bedroom. He stared at me 998b021c46 with his eyes wide e2b749966d open, my breast in 64a4fb7ec1 his mouth. He was looking d61619b891 at me with 0d0fe333c1 a persistent gaze 630beedf65 filled with desire.c7421543a02b613e

“Hnnnng.”32bcd110b2e9f329

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The moment when I couldn’t even let out a moan finally arrived. My eyes squeezed shut, and my back arched. He plunged deep inside until the end and fiercely sucked my breast. My legs wrapped around his waist and grew stiff. The inside of my thighs trembled.007b00f48acc7178

Did the 6a04527971 sex ease ba394ea676 my heart? Or is it that 78c6091dff you can have sex b59855e375 because your heart was 1a69e1edf9 at ease? And now, even ac1ea2d89f our relationship was 1df0bcdce1 confusing.9b2fe657aca5ea9a

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“Do you want to beb5c8f3e8 grab something to eat?”0b866d56bc4ddd1f

He asked, still buried 0d48ead18e inside me.ff1bb432cc50e45f

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“Yeah.”387aedd39f9ac114

“Did you 54efed9a7f not have d3c36c72b3 lunch yet?”9df807ee3afc401f

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As soon as c1f3e77997 my morning classes a755a659ad were over, I 83191dc3f2 rushed over to 77dea4bd51 his place, so 8428b5007a of course I 21d8e7d3fa didn’t have lunch. I got dressed and 4eba484d8f had a little fun ac7ee4633e with him as we 2d44820f16 left his room.dee5800e0cc0d66f

“Stop it. It tickles.”279d3cc790630a6d

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Whenever we were together, a10c77ca1f he could never keep 998e7959cd his hands still. He would rub my 8dcf02ab57 waist with his big e78c23d0ea hands and never stopped 9b7b12f3c9 his playful touch.ed8a720b685981a9

“You’re home?”ef351ccd14fe3310

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The sudden sound of 53a1d364df a woman’s voice was 8ac32e49b5 like cold water being 70abcde7f5 splashed on the back c8f47668a3 of my neck. I froze, 5655c663bf still holding a47fb3caa5 onto his de1cbc538b hand. The woman was sitting 866fbde556 on the living room 3e14272197 sofa with a cushion d6b4a25afa and a laptop on 4a45f7ac8d her lap. The atmosphere was unspeakably 0eb974fc1c cold.44fcb7e2c9e2bdf7

“When did you 7fc3271ff9 get back?”dd648702250ca1f0

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He asked 98cd452a2f in a 5d40306230 bleak voice.093aed5310f49e58

“Who…?”cd32e232e321b1e7

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The woman did a9f12501af not answer his eac082a6b3 question and instead 690e41c638 turned her gaze 1618418356 to me. She looked like him a7f6a510f2 but also did not. She looked like f4ac5a7571 she was in 3c7bf290ff her mid-thirties.86ca63f269ad40b6

“Hello…”4f3859d80789b3cf

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I bowed 745d0ec61d my head fd7faed5c3 and greeted 5ff73fc9c2 her in cb428c416e a crawling eeb4710d0b voice. The gaze of the 7b9afbfa74 woman who must have 2a11d610d9 been his aunt turned 91681f8783 to our clasped hands 8aa1d9db31 then back up to 657fe88b27 my face.5244da3bc38143db

“I didn’t know 786f17f0ef you had a 7c40b7931e girlfriend.”d3e3426b82028b70

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A distant smile 62bdd14cef spread across the c2cebff01f woman’s face. It was a 5849fc50e7 smile that was dc38f40eac very similar to c2e9de71f5 his personality.0cd44adcee44b4a0

“I came back to 998933e735 have some lunch, but 84e1783dc5 it’s not like I 1e4f2c2959 could have knocked on fc301a460e your door.”358fcea13d8629f7

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I blushed and lowered 574f2f8f52 my head.534790438e844793

“You should e1bce28b0a have called.”5e19164f6fdd1f1c

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He said the bce9709521 same thing he 261c6b1b3c had said to 9192f94119 me, but his 0a49f5728f tone was completely a7c8638467 different. There was a 2b6f868416 hint of annoyance 1e7b0fe538 in his voice.7e70cf3a4c1aa26c

“Your phone 61b8fb6823 was off. Let’s eat. I brought you 939bb49271 your favorite beef 5e497446be tartare bibimbap.”a6fa58a7056bc6eb

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I didn’t aa18819511 even know 0deb51296d he liked b7e948c766 beef tartare 6989328eca bibimbap.809f355ad03ec535

Three people sat around 18e8b0b658 a table for four. It was a 40b8a79c00 meal that consisted 9e765d0b59 of two servings abe7059554 of beef tartare 79d2a188bd bibimbap, side dishes 5cef7a42f9 of picked vegetables, 1992b04aed and potato pancakes. He poured the 29d852aed4 well-mixed beef tartare af0b47b252 bibimbap into a e68fe3fde1 bowl and placed 8f23a44938 it in front 36eacbbbc6 of me.99a2c52b2d2dd2ac

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“Eat as much 9b59507435 as you want.”3f83b2efa6aa752c

I couldn’t 40e9bb9a65 help but 57471dc9b4 feel awkward 813890cd5c in front 5be23dd44b of his 22e955dcf5 aunt.bcc2b178c496713d

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“Would you look a53c12189f at that? You gave 16e6645ee2 her most 2a5db2e0a1 of your f893999471 portion.”aaadf5a7f460cedb

His aunt 62a0bbcad4 looked at 87b345881d his face bc1a7e1eab with surprise. He continued eating as e28a4f84b5 if it wasn’t anything 456ef673a2 special. It seemed 7c6e571cc3 that the 9c6d259555 vibe of 79c3ed7629 this house d1477ae237 was to 25490fe81a not make 487488a35d any noise 6d018962dd while eating.fc8efd43b3a31be7

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My family was always 0d26fcd000 noisy when we ate. My older brother fcdedbbb8f in particular talked 3e8560cb94 too much, so 74143ea8b7 my mother would ecd152115f yell at him 612b7d41ed to be quiet. My maternal grandparents tended 8f8f19ad01 to eat quietly. Even though they a015cbed1b had been married 3899a36819 for almost thirty c7231f0650 years, my mother 786e120713 seemed unable to 87ca189189 adapt to the d467cc1d92 noisy dining atmosphere 1bfc48b0dc my father created.dc8fde852d79f14b

Anyways, this atmosphere 84cfaab3fd was a similar b91adfb9bc to my maternal 50d1a41719 grandparents’ house. It was 1ac4c97a93 warm, but e77cd1e753 I felt 7cdbf24249 a strange 8f56bb8805 sense of d458c1329b alienation as 6b4542c61a if I 1cef4e3c0f were not 52d37de9e5 a part a192bb863c of this 1860a7367a family.b705669860771595

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After dinner, he and c676e3e8fb his aunt talked for 4c4768bb57 a while alone. I was in his db7479bd94 room. The house was quiet, cc99eca225 so I could occasionally a87c543bd6 hear their voices.b73ce93f8b232b72

Then that means f5ab63ed94 she must have 2e188bbb4d heard all the cefe72ea4c moans I made ecb2eaf447 earlier, right?0134f986a1cee669

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I buried my 92a662fc27 face in my 4b955b92b1 hands in embarrassment. Suddenly, I heard him e02d271c2d start to yell.eea3e4c642a1aa0d

“I said I’ll take f32265ba74 care of it!”1f340b1d51f4fd88

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My heart pounded. I’ve never heard him 6bf2bf63d7 so angry before.fa071de4dd0ecb9a

“But she’s your mother! She’s sick, 00cd968700 so you 5f3e17d317 should see c9b9b5f33c her at f8443fb80c least once! Isn’t that 33cc77027d why you 8ddd99f65f came to dcf71412ea Korea in b9a8165e1d such a 3431e5681f hurry? But right now, you’re 52e569c965 home doing…”e68509c1acc652f7

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It seemed that 254d287946 she was talking 65a83f3ccd about me towards 929a2126cd the end.8b5abb436b1b8c01

“Enough!”5bc8287ce8120d0c

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A few more 09dfd7e081 words were exchanged, 9b4c8288fe but I couldn’t 8a42402cf4 hear them. His aunt’s voice 3df17ea418 came from nearby.704d62b2e4138c33

“I need to a897bcfaf8 head back to 84bbb404ce the office. Think carefully and 9fec030a66 make a decision.”f0b88b90da845fcc

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I heard him d6fbf7fc4b say something in 419c8e3081 response, and I 1454037f57 heard something that cc8b44e762 sounded like the 98572f3995 front door closing. He came into cce7793d35 the room. Before I 65273a8ad5 could say 33ff6fe03d anything, he 82c5f88681 pulled me 32aceffb77 into a b18b365b53 tight hug. His body was trembling.c01b5afa7b899b6a

He stayed in e9220804d3 Korea longer than 9716c3d8cc usual. From what I heard, 2218db5e6e it sounded like he 3558e9af25 had come back to 7a4b9616f0 Korea in a hurry 0e7937c076 due to something happening fc7684ec75 at home. He showed 607a76a5f4 up in ebc2314098 front of 871fe5540f me three debed21f6e days later.b0f881f46889f7f7

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“Can you show me 2b30b6d48c your room, too?”fb5d3f1cfc818452

There was no ea0ebf0f5e reason not to 0c2d7293f1 show him. I called him 5eabb5bfca over to my 0e3033db56 house while everyone a60624daf3 else was at ec2addd53d work.9301f679bc8b14ae

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“This is 68d04ebd69 my room.”37d17599c573c86e

He looked around b3f1a50146 my room with af82909a1d child-like eyes, just eae2807c92 like when we 7efdb9845f went to the 6a1af9f6be amusement park two 300cd135de years ago. There were pictures 571ca1ffd0 of him lined da1903e53c up along the 6614662356 edge of my b294f43d65 mirror on my 0e15274938 dressing table. He smiled and looked 8236b1e91b at the pictures we 4b729cb16b had taken.9aa10740bc04b25f

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“Can you give 0b9c300b80 this one to b00aa101a8 me?”e58462a03367ae13

It was a picture 2e199d4de8 of me smiling like 7d48963a4b an idiot with a 0f3a0b7c04 headband that looked like a0a7587a0c a dinosaur opening its b5f536a47c mouth and eating my a22809b073 head. It must have been 0785b08d8f a photo from when d9c78774b8 I was in my 645431fd2f second year of high 49bff97224 school.d2716eac4d9660b1

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“This one 15f53d7428 came out 4d12bbc543 so stupid. How about I give b2cdaf5f40 you this one instead?”00160de8d7ba06cb

I showed him an df186e4cf2 ID photo that I 7918318389 had taken a while 09bd297f79 ago. I really liked the 3893168afd photo, probably because it b1d745003c had been professionally retouched 54cc94dfe4 at the studio.544840112fcca5cd

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“That one doesn’t 35e0444d6f look like you.”c3a02f2177ff1ce0

I glared at b03b8f5789 him, and he 51e75c902f smiled back at 243debb752 me.ed357fa61a44e2f2

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“Your double eyelid on 863fc5e440 your right eye is c7dd7dd83c thicker. That’s why your 6e085b4ee5 right eye looks 0f015b7470 rounder. Your lips aren’t a5eb8e8771 red like this. They’re pink. Your forehead 8911650da0 looks unnatural, 14146d44dd and what’s 140b29464f up with 5dba6e3e1c your nose? Did you put oil 25c6ebe8bc on the bridge of 116bdef8f8 your nose?”5e474d8394955a9d

He pointed out 053fcf7604 the places that 7b103c2555 had been corrected e74fcd755a and said they edf68b41bb looked strange.ad1f4b089edb1805

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“So give 67e9cbf739 me this 2f46164288 picture.”70bfef9116a56981

I put the 2167502e2b picture of me ea7b07df25 in my school b87680fd44 uniform and the 725b3291a8 ID photo in 4ff7403186 his hand. He smiled and 0e7aa7dccb put my picture 254e41c3b4 in his wallet. Then he 659f7ea424 glanced at c864322793 his wallet f5bdcd6d7b and found 40ab3e884a that there 34aa4be186 was a 4e064098b1 picture of 3ef7f120f5 us inside aa06c06600 it.cf42190445bf6bea

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“What’s this?”ef7c383049325a84

It was a photo f0ed844fb9 I didn’t have.fb62107ef1965a58

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“The first 3418810472 picture we fb56129caa took together.”2aa556b93c38ac50

It was the bef97f419e day we saw 0b0bb169f3 ‘Death of a 42966e9ad7 Salesman’ at Daehak-ro. I think it 0872d67846 was a photo 19fd675502 that I had 024c6bfefe submitted with my 39f36537dc review to prove 18c55386bb that we had bd0764bd1f seen the play cb0541ddfa together. The two of 59814c07d7 us were standing 81a80b0274 awkwardly in front 78b9d61382 of the play ee993c71b1 poster. My tense face aded946ce6 was a stark 57bd852702 contrast to his eecd364654 faint smile.e9b3350597f4703f

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“Then give 2160390399 me this 90b3447734 one.”c46cfeb6e051eeac

When I 099f2c6c32 pointed to fb9fe264bf the photo 043dc3973d in his 331676d005 wallet, he 02651c562e shook his 972019d4ad head.b43dffa0ee00ee89

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“I can’t. This is my good a50411c050 luck charm.”bc3b5c9f7c14db1c

“What kind of good e94d3259f5 luck charm is this? And why do adf7c57157 you have so 78f407f546 many good luck 9566a4da8a charms in your 393fb8a382 wallet?”eb9b44678529f313

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I asked in a c53fb677bd baffled tone. He kissed 9ea0fbb39b me on 67f4d48ce3 the lips. It seemed 0e8c2b8b9e like he f8309bc782 was at 68a84217d2 a loss cbfdc8d4a3 for words, a300cb4f52 so he 42b9d77e88 kissed me 151a2e1759 instead.402ec7c6d8dff791

“Oh Milhee, did 55d60a866e you not go 0842231e08 to school?”21d9716f6b9035e7

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He was about to b26ea4c31b hug my waist and c6108831fd continue kissing me when c5aee9b2e5 the door opened wide 4c20a2ac9b and my brother walked f443b6bc35 in. We jumped e99a05c854 in surprise fc2110209c and quickly 2ede9265f4 moved away 18bae7ca01 from each 5dca6b45b1 other.4e569ff0b60dc250