DS Chapter 20

So, did I 584884bf24 distance myself from 92c877c278 Logan after that bde0488421 day? No, I didn’t.fc1d592ffa455371

Like a dog can’t 8c77b34dea stop eating crap… I 5fe2c48dee was constantly tormented by 46aa767ebc overwhelming thirst and hunger, d34615ecba making it impossible for e120f91c95 me to keep my 3a72f8db68 sanity, let alone stay 80dc22031b away from Logan.d503ae51de247866

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I was still the f137c732fd same, running to him, 71f60b9961 panting like a starving, 9539bc1d4f heat-driven dog.ef1d6d382a2fb9fd

“Hurry up and take c3d38fe36c off your pants. I’m hungry. I want to fd41f70cce eat now!”9bfb872ce73039c3

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“You’re really 76eeb521ef just coming 9eb9e3a495 right out 6c12d9e4f7 and saying 2bc9686e8f it now, 651b30bb79 huh.”327603584adb41c5

But deep 4653512c66 down, a 4fe1532b05 seed of 2ac5be3841 betrayal, distrust, 88add4cc02 and anxiety 1a70ef3a1d toward Logan d10f2f7432 had taken 41d096ba85 root.98488904b11d2217

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I was 19d68673e1 still aroused b2e8c57f15 by him, df2d9dd4da my heart 7697a4477a still raced 915513597e and fluttered, a6184caee4 yet at 0491790c0b the same 62c99662c4 time, I 3a2abc980e doubted him 5616437bbf and kept 44f933d0b3 my guard 02817f0bce up. My emotions swung like aa76cee438 a seesaw between lust 0f8101b428 and suspicion.200037b085908b46

Sometimes, rage and a8178ff770 frustration surged inside 0333695b97 me, and I’d 001f27211b pin him down ee61148faa beneath me, riding aea1767fa2 him with fierce, 5d16956c96 punishing movements.e7e8031e0a6eefcd

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I’d force his cock 0b4dbfdfdd deep into me, slamming ef3a093107 hard enough that it 9fbb6939e1 felt like my insides 3ab116e56e were flipping over, the 8f1390ed9f pain so intense it 30dce1a37f left me breathless.6253abd189e41e16

Other times, I’d 40bdd46b0b shove his cock 12e90fa0b3 down my throat, 70771c740d so far that e0ed578d24 it triggered my 7b2500a217 gag reflex. The sour taste of 44be6188d7 bile would rise, my be1506df6f breath would hitch, and b95f4b324d my eyes would roll e14ef3e280 back, but I forced c55ffa42b7 myself to swallow it 635eec4c39 all. I focused more f5c8eead10 on the pain 5da29d4749 than the pleasure.e2a067ac6c55718d

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It hurt, 3ac1a7fe5f it hurt 86f172d3f8 so much, 0819395296 and I 7686b84604 couldn’t breathe. During those 97a47099c6 brutal sessions, dde680e2be tears would c9f93a92bc fall freely 5056349a22 as I 7c58103ed5 cried out c5ab9ac342 in agony.d125547946006273

But I d46666c1eb couldn’t stop. It was like a406a55884 punishing myself, as 800608a3d2 if I needed 2f24f3bcf9 to be treated 12a861d507 as terribly as 19582ed5ae I felt about 00f44a0b01 myself to find b88749b76d some kind of c93740edc0 twisted comfort.3f1e00ad39035df7

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I couldn’t blame Logan, bc983deeca couldn’t erase the past, a6cae0e16e and had nowhere to aeb83a2e75 run. So, I tormented cac095e0cd the easiest target—myself.c11556baeeb32fd3

“Stop.”3daaa7e7b9724be9

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“Guh…! Nngh, ugh.”acafd3db4bf4fbae

“Kylie. Stop.”f7f6d149ad580f47

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As I forced his d64141ce32 cock deep into my 5c934a397e throat, tears streaming down 3b3a311e37 my face, Logan pushed ef9d8355ca me away.8d626f81da9c501c

I wiped cddc888ca6 the saliva f91cdabe2a from my 235016f1b5 messy mouth f0543425cb and glared af24129b00 at him 15d315a515 with defiance, 9c05550b04 wondering why 334bded72f he was edb41cfafa stopping.f7770c6674916c1e

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“…Why?”8b22371eeaee3374

“Let’s stop for today.”089212bd3a375f80

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“Why? Didn’t you like f196e46473 it? Was it not good?”410b3daa12ebac96

Logan looked at 3049173a7c me with quiet 35da2e5aef eyes, his lips c3c13cab9d parting slightly. Then, without a word, 251ea47aa1 he pulled me into f40fb194d3 his arms.c72f27c568ab61b1

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I tried to twist d7629664d4 away, but his grip b7fa4b49e8 only tightened. Eventually, I let go 6483b840c1 of all my strength, e95559b77c collapsing limply against him.ac39fd1415c6d83a

Resting my cheek bc62f0887f against his chest, 697e2e1043 I listened to a2dfae01fd the pounding of beba69422d his heart, trying c5d438bee9 to calm the c0490fc97f waves of excitement e03bbe041d and anxiety.7bdc0fb6909748dc

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He leaned against 805c27b593 the headboard, pressing 05e99040e4 his lips gently 3e269ae3e9 against my forehead, 34da400e4d whispering in a 1975a534c4 pained voice.385b61f65b9f02f3

“You look like you’re ddaab4ca4b in pain. I don’t like 59d96bacbc it. Let’s stop.”e654286e594e3850

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What does it matter d973d72574 to you if I’m 87fb36fbed in pain? All you care about ead6394e87 is coming in my d25d162062 mouth, feeling your pleasure b46cd3f47b and then being done 44b2829091 with it. Why do 7b4bbcbac6 you care c73f5803f6 about me 44eb399787 now?2f227654a9aa2daf

Even as anger and 1596cb074b rebellious thoughts swirled in d89ec33074 my mind, tears started c09de50562 to fall.c1ef0e16be9283cb

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There wasn’t any rain, d3204c64ac but it felt like 3bc7194ace a torrential downpour was bf5aa02b5a crashing around my ears. I felt f099658144 like I 073c98f1b2 was drowning 6c03ff7bef in it, d2d6756ec0 gasping for af1cb3f562 air, clinging 94b117ab2d to him f3f4ec3d86 for dear 6a0228d0db life.46eaba93d410d883

I don’t even 149f712a7a know why I’m 9b844683df like this. I want to stop 5d97e1d1fe acting so strangely, but 649d5d610b I can’t. I don’t know how 447b4c0217 to stop.7e097d69726a8885

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I can’t cb5c4735a8 escape these 52be97bba6 bizarre desires, 188bc075b2 this hunger, bde174dfcf or the 8558a19c2f self-torment. I can’t free myself 5de27bc0eb from the shame that f93edbb858 feels like my skin 46fbd4b124 is being stripped off, 46053abd6b or the pain that 8756e317f6 crushes my insides.e632efbed2ade72e

Since I 0eea878b42 saw that 505bca95f1 photo, I b112494d81 couldn’t close 7b0b4a20a0 my eyes 3bf02dd676 without flashes 625beb8def of my 776854668a time as 6e9ccea2a5 a zombie fa37e9d7c0 coming back 70d22a95df to me. It wasn’t just 9f59042f7f the image from 495c5f736d the picture.989ce27f08121e98

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It was 7aad129f7a like a 54dc0ee3fc button had 66c0f3f33b been pressed, d8655de5c8 like a bf1596fd62 dark room 2ffc04e75e suddenly lit a84028cb4b up, bringing f5ce4ab8c9 back the 767c765577 memories I 589f758ce3 had buried fc8cfb12e1 deep down—the 1acc8313a5 ones I 0393b5e521 never wanted 4e689b015d to face.0fe630e428355b7e

I was 513d4b391f nothing more 887790f1a8 than a 90201f5a9f grotesque creature, 6e0023b996 driven by 8d3de7a7c1 nothing but 708c1be58f the desire e791a001e6 to devour 011db4826e him. And Logan, who stayed f5f97d8e1e by my side despite 573178e677 it all.714ac08e6858fca1

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He subdued b08d8c7dd1 me when e0c4d57758 I lunged d82dc01035 at him, 9492487ee7 sometimes stroked e2ee71da58 my hair, 89b956e10f sighed as 8f353dd416 if annoyed, 7b9a10dd8c locked me 5cc167d389 in a 8fb3b0279c room with 0969678495 a hardened d7d0e463de face, tied ccdea70e81 me up… ec0ebfe806 and even 67a685bfdc drew his d0bb6da492 own blood bdd66386c3 to feed 29279cb865 me. I begged, de26217aa4 desperate, for 31124d78cb every drop f53a2e6fd6 that fell 42d8997c2e from the 5855ec8e50 needle.59ac6c0444fd446e

That’s how I survived. Logan kept me a20dbe7a98 alive like that. No—he didn’t just 49b85a0300 keep me alive. He trained and tamed c69cbcd6c6 me like an animal.0df3844d71cadf45

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Can I ever c3027feef0 go back to 0255b2059e how I was? Or am I doomed 38cc700326 to live like this, 6dbb4fdee6 mentally broken forever?82fb322752fb1c78

If I’m destined to live like this, always in heat like a desperate dog, pathetically clinging to Logan, living a worthless life…6f987c1274999b42

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“Why… why did you save me? You should’ve just let me die. Then I wouldn’t have to suffer like this. Why did you save me for your own reasons?!”228741d5b672559a

Logan held me 309b696be9 tighter, as if b60f736a05 he couldn’t breathe aebba9cfbe without me. His breathing, bcde888920 rough and a08e4b5c02 unsteady, matched c420e8fba3 mine.cc815715df310b64

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I couldn’t 0658db9dcd tell if adb9362295 he was 4da335be51 angry or c213422da2 on the 972fccff9b verge of c5d3f64ce6 tears. I didn’t have d5bdb65e65 the energy to 5642ab25e8 decipher his expression 72ac785af4 or feelings.c822b83578be4d7d

I knew bf9cc9b030 my words 2429a05b74 were tearing 0f34da37ba at his d1fdaa6757 heart, but e7c78fc90b I lashed 36f1436709 out at 9fd47af3d0 him, letting a969081b7d my bitterness f9785a0676 spill out.c7749630556760d6

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I blamed him, c19346a3c9 throwing my unbearable fe0ebdc4d1 pain and sorrow be4740ab8f onto him, hoping 8d8ede7552 to escape this 32c3da911d despair, even just b9b0bff619 a little.8ce9dac0ac8b29d9

“It’s all your fault. I’m like this because of you. If it weren’t for you… if it weren’t for you…!”84debab82f0569f0

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“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kylie.”7f5dd08bd6c1d559

“You’re disgusting. I’m disgusted, sick to my stomach. This isn’t me, this isn’t who I am…”2adaf46a3440864d

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“I don’t 6b97eb2562 care what f3de3d8760 you look 4d1f601fd8 like. Just stay with me. Stay by a42b480d45 my side.”df800324ddffcfc4

“No! Why do I have bffd8d94b9 to live like this? Why do I have 6e69c167e8 to endure this suffering?”8a9481e4edb42367

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His hands were e21ceca9bd warm as they a647873804 cupped my tear-streaked a3b86c04c6 face. Through my blurry f466b415ee vision, I could 657177a2a6 see Logan’s face, 24363e3101 tears streaming down fde7cb0f67 his cheeks.063daed5eaf0ea45

“…Please, don’t leave me alone. I can’t live without you. Nothing matters without you.”77a117a435a3d875

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His voice trembled 616751eb04 with desperation, choking e9878d4feb me with the 317faeeca2 weight of his f7528450fa plea.c991a3f29204f031

Not only did f7eeccbceb you not let f84157c037 me die peacefully, b4a916e971 but you won’t 4301a471f5 even let me 3f8d45fd39 go. You’ve trapped 35d9277be0 me in 7404f2d8d9 this hell.3289e69df40aa3b9

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Logan, selfish, cruel, and 8aaec1e4a1 cowardly. Why are you c9eb0e121d torturing me like 247260c29b this? Why are 1bb2f86509 you clinging 1f48e428f3 to me f09ec8effa so desperately?118fec67fb308ddd

Why… why can’t fd409f6dd0 you just let 93a791aaad me go? Even I want to d17f7f4515 give up on myself.1c91825b33974d51

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* * *dd26cec5ae034bf6

“Eat your food.”128b0dc4deca79af

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“I don’t 39e760cbc0 feel like 01cf72b74d eating right aeb2400119 now. I’ll eat later.”0892803e1e20aa99

I stared blankly at c8ae0a0ff8 the table before standing 6186543e8c up. Just the 9a3d7750ad sight of d93594690d fruits and 4b68c3c127 vegetables made d6a13a2678 my stomach 47ea1265cf churn.56b46fad60c9c415

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“Kylie.”ada205cba0f05b62

Logan called my 5db5165fab name in a 82ea98aa62 stern voice. His tone made it eef265e452 clear that I was 27820c3f91 expected to sit back 04c4a687c2 down at the table. My mood soured.e9e6588a148810bf

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“Whether I eat d9b8b03305 or not is 1d71674790 my choice. Just leave me 2f945afb29 alone.”f907d4239ea7f530

“Sit down.”f503a2512aa0a044

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“…”a9a4284d2fe4dce0

“Now.”f2a96f2de3439c21

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If I kept resisting, a97fb3b685 he’d force me back 5430ff247e to the table. He’d watch 649f49d31b me eat, 70a7b27d92 turning it 0beb2d7fa9 into a 340cd5e973 slow, agonizing 8d8fe2f076 punishment until e70056ba71 I finished 472328aaa0 every bite.aaebd0d6bb6adce9

Ever since I 3386b3708f collapsed after skipping f3307aa139 dinner and only f2575efd72 taking my injection, 673e6d5edb he’d been stricter b3f575a1b1 with me. Now, I couldn’t 020d5690bc leave the table ef9f3facea until I’d finished 163c714bea every tasteless bite.69d1430ad55cef6e

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And that 6ca8f739a0 wasn’t the bc92b04699 only thing. Sex had been 9afb66e4bd reduced to once c319f21f5f every two days, da1f46028c and he wouldn’t a8e4f09cb3 let me drink 0236670b9b his cum anymore.a95a6c05f209d8fb

The longer this went cf83d2f9f4 on, the more irritable f35def61c8 and sensitive I became. We’d been arguing 7b784e571e more and more 3b975a8fc6 lately.3f68732f9e3427d0

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As if 3da13f1408 things weren’t d802c6de59 already hard 1ff0930e61 enough, why f9d380d97f was he 66ef053c21 making it 3dd35f9fb3 worse?4b74d1ab5ce6271c

Even though c94f54732c I knew ed14551a8e why Logan 5251500bb3 was acting 87a431728c this way, 6597a235ba I couldn’t 16e8e505a1 help feeling 11b0162e05 wronged. His concern didn’t 1021fa2168 matter to me; 3cf71ec880 all I could 27b9dbe614 feel was my 8541a63110 hunger and my 8148546155 pain.518e4090544d056e

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With a face full 2f0e0b3fad of reluctance, I forced 4c553842da the food down. It felt like d87db682c6 I was shoving a6bf5f52a9 rotting, maggot-ridden garbage 13d3f0b921 down my throat, 56b1982751 the taste sickening.7b40b86af2761df1

“…I’m done.”bf0e4bd6cc64bf2b

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“Good job.”4778a72b6fc75490

While Logan 00c974f3f0 went into 56c8651d6c the kitchen, b9fbcf940d I rushed 6e388fa67f to the 04f0d05e3a bathroom and 746740ecde vomited everything 24e35efb9b up. Even though the sensation f6493968be of the food coming 53f326f3c9 back up was horrible, 28337b84e2 there was a faint 360420f457 sense of relief.d92ab514221d766b

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After emptying my stomach, 9e827894af I stepped out of 27db0659bd the bathroom, feeling lighter, a8009c168d but froze in place.fe8ceff3fba86b33

“…”2aa7ad99448b975a

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Logan stood there, 185f399815 his expression one 1feaa906ab of shock. His eyes were red dbf461ea79 underneath, as if he 3bf71b6276 were barely holding back 3103ef0648 tears.af23193231bf2880

He was 27f357bd70 clenching his 7ef41883c5 fists so aaea6f9f00 tightly, his 5924e4b35d jaw locked 7ccaca52cd as if f4a1610dc9 struggling to 4e2fc465ff suppress a afa896d4d7 deep sadness. His face was the f86befe9f5 very picture of despair.94df0549da1b9b5d

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A wave 62d94418c5 of guilt af635eb5ab washed over 72e796bbd5 me, and ec5b39bf11 I averted 8ef44936a3 my eyes 214d647cde from his 190e6fa116 gaze.152c88ec898e80bc

“I just wasn’t ae6d8329fc feeling well.”2112e77e80624256

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I was the one who forced myself to eat food I didn’t want. I was the one who suffered, throwing it all up until bitter bile came up. So why did you look so drained and hurt? What could possibly be so hard for you…?d948df6f5ae71573

Even as I thought 97231df046 that, my chest burned. It felt 0771b7e041 like a a9c594be70 vicious fire 6b5fa52d40 ant had 590de3581d bitten into 723edc49fc my heart, 7483101f81 leaving it cd99b376c1 aching and 49213cb753 raw.a3aa772665f75b7c

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I hung my d6fd046d3c head low, biting 497373ecb2 my lip hard, 37b243afc0 and mumbled in 045043765a a voice tinged f4ea8c0a4d with tears.790a1d3096457b6c

“I won’t do it again… I’m sorry.”b7bb8b889452d5a4

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For the first time, bec74db21a I apologized to him. Logan sighed deeply, 9ff5710c36 then walked over 7de946f519 and wrapped me a89b9fdafa in his arms.b956159ed76a6d71

Once again, Logan didn’t eafbd7fd4b give up on me. Instead of d42f99fe96 scolding me, c6b3ef050b he comforted 2170f2761b me, saying b818716f6c he was 06ee19fc3f sorry for 80650ccf49 making me 03f7a8c0f6 eat something 0fd1dca64a I didn’t a433c23bd4 want.32dd54f072d916e5

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“If there’s aec79c5be6 anything you 427b7b31eb actually want aebfbc8e4d to eat, 244d05068a just tell 07af1e32b6 me. I’ll make it for 3ac18b8d34 you.”92042f0a8fde0869

“…There isn’t. Nothing at all.”c946cc2185270412

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His scent filled d270871886 my lungs, and dd840a6429 I held my a9e577ca08 breath.521c005269c027f0

The truth c469824292 was, there 00aed5b9da was something 520228b7eb I wanted 02fdd0114a to eat.303b58827c59ac51

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My empty 5623e93f31 stomach was 88de061894 screaming for 68e4758d0e it. Like a beast 62063c225b that had been 3f26f387c6 lying dormant in b7733a46a3 a dark cave, 4f1292a6f4 suddenly awakened with a3b76b6cff glowing eyes and 62d7ee0a04 a terrifying roar, a3d0efeea2 my insides twisted, 641a075772 and my heart 745a507edd pounded dangerously hard.75104daffcee9733

There is something I d6904333c5 want, Logan. I want human blood c1d5a2043f and flesh.8eb99f7d41fbf902

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I want 12c23734be to tear 10ecafb629 into soft 73ea65f543 flesh, drink 9bcec8cc6f the flowing b2a2ef533e blood, and e7abebcc51 chew on 905628052f hot, sweet 62741656ac meat. I want to rip 9053eaecb4 out a heart from 2aafd7212f under the ribs and ba4188b077 take a big bite.37ffcb80f00b3f08

But I f3704f776b can’t, right? If I did something b5ddc8c115 like that, it would 5b382efb4b break you, wouldn’t it?2624141d7b36057c

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So I’ll hold 003abdaffb back. Even if it’s unbearable, 445caa2a96 I’ll hold back, Logan. Because I don’t want 44bb0f8059 to disappoint you.96384d7971a46593