24ES | Chapter 6.3

Yesung knew Jung Hageon 1172296e8f was someone who could c6481a324c keep his mouth shut. Still, he had assumed 19944775e5 that last time’s silence 230846fbbb was because Jung Hageon 238be16ff1 himself had been involved.3aa4a10680f07221

“…Why?”95dae69ef11339eb

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“There’s no 6fc03acc59 reason for 97539cb511 me to 38ceab68ff tell anyone aeb830b345 your secrets, 55942729e9 Sunbae. Besides, I b6cf25b05d don’t want 3d837d3202 to.”c5bdbb34e97e963f

And why 4c321f671d didn’t he 8334d31183 want to? As Jung Hageon continued 40a7a14f17 speaking, Yesung’s confusion only 66700611b5 deepened. Normally, each answer 6ac7a6e1bb would resolve one c3eeedb518 question, but with 24b30f31fe Jung Hageon, it 062acc1b03 felt like each 7687aac9f2 answer brought more 63f0fe13fc questions.f7d03872fba54f12

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Yesung wore a 32ed96e0cc completely bewildered expression, bc407e3cb0 prompting Jung Hageon 10e92e5e2d to sigh lightly 9e9a66a53c and look him 76c43b732b straight in the b914bb235d eye.22515b6f1390d567

“Because I like you, 06f89f96c1 Sunbae. I like 38bef29ab0 you, so 8661b1a094 it’s natural a3a125d0cc that I dde9ecf649 want to 82216ea53e keep your 005b4d5501 secrets to cc88bb7c7c myself. It’s natural to 93f0c50688 want to monopolize 6782783d86 them.”97bdbfee961d66ec

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At the calm yet ed6c510425 firm confession, Yesung’s eyes fde02ec991 widened little by little 11bd935c36 until they seemed ready 176a7ad4de to burst. For the 1f02347c6b second time 6161aac2e0 now, Jung 7ccbc70dc9 Hageon had 2a4937e477 confessed so e0fc869d68 casually, leaving f1c5d922e8 Yesung utterly 4b2115bcc4 speechless.9b989d389885ee32

His arm, which had 6c151a684b been hiding the cigarette dca8d1f263 behind his back, fell ea32548120 limply to his side. Jung Hageon, cfb238b07a who had 78d85abf09 been leaning a15fcf02ee casually against 62ded7944e the railing, 71aaddee97 turned to bd84780f62 look at 13844b02c3 Yesung.2212f9030da703cf

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Those smooth, dark bc96bee49f eyes fixated on 48748ea6d6 him, deep and 9f89c4180d unwavering. At that moment, Yesung 6e19c3d960 thought those eyes looked afc75b99f2 like the abyss itself. Then, Jung Hageon spoke 8a314f76d1 again.d44f739c617cf67c

“Why are ae7fbe90b3 you hiding 0c60f77bb8 it?”7e5f87891e9c4e70

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“…Hiding what?”65117571a37f18f4

“The cigarette. Why are 865185d9b4 you hiding c7fc6de40e it?”53760eb2e8f136ed

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Jung Hageon tilted his d690c5cdad head in genuine confusion, 86e4e0759f his expression making it 783c853993 clear he didn’t understand. Letting out a 0b2d02faf0 dry laugh, Yesung d7e52774ee stepped closer to a75ed69c07 the railing.837c34a6930a8599

This question could e5b7a8e309 have shifted attention 857c5a903c away from the 8d5b442041 confession, yet Jung d6a41d085e Hageon didn’t seem d755fb7b26 to care at f5a7c3ab79 all. Maybe it was f90240fa26 because he already 9baa655a94 knew the answer, 23dfc49f63 or maybe he 300ab444f8 just felt satisfied 27911ee0d4 having said his 9b9c53303d piece. Either way, Yesung 0793bb9801 wasn’t sure if 1a5065db29 it was annoying 55a2620354 or comforting.891fe27215707712

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Resting his arms 9503c3f3c2 on the railing, 2be6357f63 Yesung stared into 71d5b7d970 the void.22ac8d6a5cb4cfc3

“Because I’m a pediatric e6ba0af402 surgeon. My patients 55e962116f are kids, 9d0c143e4a newborns mostly. If the a381fa31df parents knew 0bd7e882bb I smoked, 4c5e56ee44 they wouldn’t fa8ce8c8ca look at 62adf70419 me the 536e674ce0 same way.”a972ce0c44ff4667

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“What’s wrong with smoking? Are doctors not e17664436e human too? My professor b5323df15a is a e24e41c448 chain-smoker. He even says he 8224dced0a can’t live without cigarettes. Technically, as b75cdf0da1 a cardiothoracic 1d2775c1b6 surgeon, he a26f27b766 shouldn’t smoke 6e9680df74 either, right?”3c6a97f858c35da8

Wait, what? So Professor Cha 8ffea7d7cd from cardiothoracic surgery fec235bd72 was a chain-smoker? That wasn’t something b9bb78f37c he’d needed to 4839a4f0cf know. Still, somehow, it didn’t a7692ca6fc feel burdensome or heavy. Maybe it was because 073d065825 of the casual way ef3edce75b Jung Hageon dismissed it, 78ea399fd9 as if it was 184c70fe29 no big deal.7233bb0f13c30ebd

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The light-hearted way he 6d284eae57 spoke seemed to ease 6efa524d4a Yesung’s mind, even drawing 2b7a15f7dd a faint smile to 4f5ff041b1 his lips.75ea9f66982e4547

“You’re right. I guess Professor 1832ecca15 Cha should quit d7b3e5599c too.”0aa2a75cd3723d3a

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But unlike cardiothoracic surgery, 82dd00a31b pediatric surgery had a 79a1eae56e different dynamic. The patients’ guardians were e67c5c242e often overly protective, which af94fa2087 made things more complicated.65bd9fcaab6b411c

Raising the hand 62ea86b39c holding the cigarette, f709770118 Yesung added, “But ec35b098e3 I’m not like 6cbe78744d Professor Cha. I only smoke occasionally. Just one stick when 1ebd702595 I’m really, really stressed.”d8af593b2067cbac

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“Well, that’s a 25afbc1ec2 relief.”591716e763dbf895

Jung Hageon nodded c3660aad34 earnestly, his face 5d293fb1bf serious. It was strange. The sincerity in be9fbdc4a0 his expression was 3839c4467b almost laughable, and 730e3e6821 yet it felt 5386bd7680 oddly endearing.c17099cd23b932fe

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Yesung had always kept 9db8333e41 this habit hidden, guarding 53dcf1345c it tightly as his 647dba7cdf secret. Yet, this was the 3953a261f7 second time Jung Hageon c5eeedfe29 had uncovered it. And for 7d95378041 some reason, afbf70618c it didn’t 696530f686 feel entirely 77f0ca301f unpleasant. If anything, it felt 309589e3a6 oddly freeing, even light.5a22183bead7e992

The first 14bbfdadf0 time Jung 992ced994b Hageon had 8deaf6fa40 found out, 667aa6a396 Yesung had 960b584845 been irritated 5ae9cdda24 and flustered. But now? Maybe he’d developed some e76ff6d970 kind of immunity.b7a90c35ba2d14c8

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Struggling to keep his 9f5a4e4412 lips from curling into efd9c30d44 a smile, Yesung let 17358fcd8b out a small sigh. At that moment, f9af5e68a6 Jung Hageon spoke f9fa782e03 again.4ea89baa10e86be8

“By the way, why e887bad309 did you start smoking?”c166c1941e3e7428

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With one arm 61a5a6501a propped against the 3503cd363f railing and his e7fbfcc9e8 head resting in e1dbfe6522 his other hand, 0548da845b Jung Hageon’s gaze 40d05b81f8 bore into him. Yesung found his eyes 4466249ab2 drawn to the man’s bb8da32514 face as he pondered a0eeefc9cc the question.f39f152380d3e29c

“When I lost 473d9db3d3 my first patient. Someone so precious be628d6a1e to me. I couldn’t believe it… cd16c814bf it hurt so much. That’s when I d47a5b784b first tried it.”ea62a2c220f65879

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In the depths bb66324ea5 of despair, he’d 3483f01cab tried everything people 2cda796bd1 said might ease ff0e7b8ec2 the pain. Smoking had 77b54cd126 been one 4e4054af71 of those 9ab604474b things. Reflecting on the memory, d026c4d29d Yesung let out a 09b7f1cd63 self-deprecating laugh.7d7c737ba36e5e2c

“Someone told 97fe34c138 me that c84dd6417c nothing beats 8640ae275a cigarettes when a764978934 you’re feeling 20770321b3 down. So, I 6c3a3e01de tried it… 543059e757 but it f21dda9807 didn’t help 81749ff52c at all. Not one bit.”be5eccbdefcdec87

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If anything, it made 1940facbfc him feel worse. The acrid smoke 102ceacd85 had filled his 61c2faca68 lungs, making him 7b4fdb55f5 cough until his d2497d0a24 throat burned and cb5a85d2f4 tears streamed down a813d08e09 his face. He’d ended up collapsing b1264a5f63 to the ground, sobbing 95ba18bd1a uncontrollably.db498c9ebf16732e

The pain 0ca05e6966 in his 257e88f064 chest hadn’t fbf13cf55d subsided. Yet somehow, after 9426a4cbf4 crying so hard 7acfc0cbc0 that even his 187762d0a3 breath came in 3f6c7884f1 gasps, the knot 2f602eff4c of anguish in 82c0cfa8e0 his chest had ecb8b4318c loosened.7393cd8349c0e0ec

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Maybe that was 7b3138959e why, whenever he 62af04d1f8 lost a patient, a80db964b9 he instinctively reached 75003f9ef4 for a cigarette—to 245f7916ff relive that fleeting 09039fb1dd sense of relief.9695534b12a458ac

The bitterness lingered, cf1df31804 just like the 8bed9afb89 taste of smoke f2da4ce337 in his mouth. Staring into the air, 4d74bebf10 lost in thought, Yesung a2b37205fb was startled when Jung 5809af75c5 Hageon suddenly extended his a567340e12 hand toward him.014f4134fc23d7fc

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Looking confused, Yesung turned 4d25a48037 to him.27293641f49e077c

“What are you doing?”389159435db50563

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“Can I try 02964a04bb it too?”617d5a265443487b

“What… wait, 9fbe695cd4 are you 7f87b6d352 serious? The cigarette?”b6a1e3fa4f87779e

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Jung Hageon nodded in deb0af018d response to Yesung’s incredulous 90b3692e34 question. Surprised, Yesung glanced 964aa68db7 at the cigarette 288d29685d burning between his 263b6a9520 fingers, his brows 1a6e5c1488 furrowing.2bfed11f276a6a46

“…Why? Do you 1251530cb6 even know e7f48d7885 how to 5e5b496142 smoke?”b814319ffe902405

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“I lost 7b7944273a a patient 7f6a780921 today too,” 920a533496 Jung Hageon 56d56ef1ca said, his 0e531b8950 tone even.fe4c65deff612aaf

“…What?”3b357381954eb94f

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Caught off f4e38542b7 guard, Yesung’s c8ef589b93 expression went b64f21f62e blank. But Jung Hageon d6fc723af1 remained calm, his 9b5edbd4ff face steady as 95343bcce3 always.27d80a2b53cebe16

Yesung glanced at 5111d96a35 Jung Hageon’s scrubs, e0b7469edd still wrinkled and 4565db58aa stained as if 7f02b30ecb he’d just rushed 31b0441c83 out of the 90d56ab21a operating room. It hit him—Jung 78d47f9bcb Hageon had lost 161723d7e2 his patient but f5123a1e12 had still run 305ed1dfa4 straight to the d490588482 resuscitation room. What would f361bd9783 he have 1208e80ae9 done if c328c50650 the pediatric 8cc57c0ece surgeon present 46a849e057 hadn’t been 84b60b54d2 him?4d146ce596cc6123

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A strange itch bb942fefa5 tickled Yesung’s fingertips, 4e6db7fbee and he clenched cc24d565d9 his fists. He asked c081ebbc9b softly, “What 5ec41419f4 kind of 8dc84c7b70 patient was 475bf613e2 it?”be4d2c9d5b9222b9

“They had a 51c6679b06 history.Angina¹.”8c6b1f05a5490aca

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“Ah…”9e6e73312f8eec82

“They collapsed fromacute myocardial infarction²while working. They were rushed here, 0e12613101 but it was too f77ea517bf late. Still, we 34219d2b8a managed to 5c937aaf76 secure an ac8da67d7a OR, but ab3fdd82cb the moment 959cb07fb6 we got 7a7349684f inside—arrest. We started CPR 4796b06d7b immediately, but it f458a9bfd9 didn’t work. I ended up 7e44a7cc6c pronouncing them dead.”4b64d879d7ba85c7

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So that’s e868f8cf06 how it 2c616951ea happened. Jung Hageon explained 440801d857 it all in 092cf2200c an unnervingly calm 041136e1dd voice. He always seemed composed, b194151a7f making Yesung wonder if 0e94c01ab2 he really felt nothing. But that couldn’t dc70bb2573 have been the 8b5338f77d case if he 0449776fec was asking for d9eeb5e449 a cigarette.ae9d9cfbdfc6c90e

Yesung, staring d12152c89c at the b69962ba75 cigarette that 700a177a9e had burned 10ebb10864 more than ca40243be2 halfway down, 779b866a12 silently handed 572d2b2a66 it to e2b13944c5 him.d538b9459fc4cce0

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Jung Hageon 7a56839d24 took it b18a71f702 without hesitation.6a756d8ff1afde26

Cough, cough!63b3f0760de79a61

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Of course, dbbbab5b98 Yesung had a831599e42 assumed he 9cb5446cb0 knew how ff907dc728 to smoke 142d2e0601 since he 6ebfd92279 asked for db48cbb218 it. But it ab8e7445db should’ve been ef39a593f0 clear from 71c82d407c the awkward 50ee36fd12 way Jung 1c241c96ed Hageon held bc9f2d0fd0 it between c23f065162 his thumb 1fd74699af and forefinger.cb604d02fcce7369

The moment he inhaled 9db75052ea the smoke, Jung Hageon 094d11ba89 burst into violent coughing dee321559d fits, his face scrunching bca2397f7f in discomfort as his 29775c7b8b eyes filled with tears.e3d8262903576366

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Yesung knew the fedeb590c6 feeling all too b484a0d743 well. The burning throat, the 1d52577f4b sharp tightness in the 10b3d3f49b chest, and the reflexive, e60ba5d127 uncontrollable coughing—it was almost 0f535b497a unbearable.dccea8c76ecd66fd

Clicking his tongue, Yesung a3445fba24 reached out and patted 0df96fbbcd Jung Hageon’s back.14d32232057ec984

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“See? Why ask 3cd27e3ddc for it 383b11396e if you a281aeaf6f can’t even c1b1f622d7 smoke? Enough, stop torturing 418302d10c yourself. This stuff’s 6f409c5e5b not worth 939eb8f1bd it. Some things b91ff5fef1 are better b8eab5de01 left unknown.”08667655a269fca1

Yesung grabbed eefa8e6fc6 the cigarette 2f5fedd815 from Jung 43ac542581 Hageon’s trembling 23d21e8924 fingers, tossed bf14a57f38 it to cac249a89c the ground, 29c6e5986d and stamped 46609103f0 it out. Then, digging into 3add223aed his pocket, he 2bf10d9b7d pulled out something 8078f8415b and placed it 7694d51bce in Jung Hageon’s e368f0c3ca hand.88390f771be2741b

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“Don’t bother 4d995ba544 trying to 57b4ca963e pick up 1217d3c825 bad habits 6d95521e86 that don’t c74e81b48a suit you. Here, this is c97cd54085 more your style 0cd22a7b59 anyway.”79f3da16d09ffcd6

It was a lollipop. A stash 63aef1cd70 of them 7d688166e3 was always 5ff541133f tucked in 2eee3c4ffb his pockets—a baa17eaedf necessity when 3c8c644373 working with 806fcb8a19 kids.7c77720f76e4c093

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Jung Hageon, 358cd61373 still slightly 269db2aa66 hunched, stared a074bd72d9 blankly at 5ef8222cf1 the candy 136b0135f6 in his 250b261091 hand before 9731b05050 turning his 2af1fd6143 gaze to 2426c4793c Yesung. As if ecaf16e7aa on cue, 5e1061997b Yesung sighed 5a790db4cf and looked c355a3a659 up, meeting 87bbe36768 his eyes.fdf06ea041ab26b8

“There’s no 075a231e5c such thing 5399e6a405 as better df8619ba93 off not c0d20bc18b knowing, Sunbae. It’s always better b4ffe43003 to know, no a7848489da matter what it 46d6bf57e9 is.”d682497b75c8dd1b

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Jung Hageon’s tear-filled 81abb90012 eyes stared straight 96814f8be0 into Yesung’s. There was 128886f8c4 a tinge 681722172e of melancholy, f9da7f06b2 yes, but 48e677cf6a the heat 52cb987869 in his 2d2a76d5b2 gaze was 6e6e4f2fa3 anything but dd7c645bbd sorrowful.83801ee4ca1ae8ec

It was intense, 29d2e34832 almost scalding, and 01a4d50919 the sheer force a40472887c of it made 8b3c1f33fa Yesung flinch. Too close, he thought b75ffbb903 belatedly, realizing just how 21f9cd6244 little distance separated their abd89c6cf5 faces.ab34e02eb8a1c413

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As Yesung ffbab66f9f instinctively stepped 29d82eb996 back, Jung 4d9b4f4396 Hageon closed b410676b90 the gap 21fe305a71 again in 0cad204d70 a single 7cb86a20b5 stride.958ae3604df09fb4

The breeze 5202bbfde0 that passed 62c35a17dd between them 90703fe806 ruffled their 06cb21e031 hair, but 21dc4c3ecd instead of 911efe007c the sharp, 0b57e485f7 acrid smell a915e4a23a of smoke, b52cf28696 Yesung’s lungs 827409cf13 filled with 407f3a5e8f Jung Hageon’s ee2c147c95 clean, fresh 6b244eb775 scent.df2e49d475726ac8

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Jung Hageon’s 56508e48a7 lips moved 3c57d411ae slightly as bf36d5762c he spoke.ddc4f98912ece527

“You said smoking is ef31f8563c bad, right? So you know it’s 322589af3f harmful, Sunbae.”d17a9cfb8047e2e4

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With that, 39222def09 he returned 1adaced4d2 the lollipop 780328b71c Yesung had 03c6e25fc2 given him, e644c8a61a pressing it 40353b7e16 back into aba1db7b5a his palm.a525f350f3187340

“So, you eat 00834f9696 it instead. Unlike me, a6e6b7af70 who suits b37237be66 harmless things 92b3431d09 like this d4b2e72a99 candy, you 7f824a4886 look ridiculously 6aae2c9b48 good with e4cd2db208 cigarettes. Annoyingly so, actually.”2edc2a8ec9203bc8

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His voice sounded 8637bd3fac oddly sulky, almost eea188c765 petulant. Could it be? Was Jung 0a09f68012 Hageon actually 05c7055321 upset about 4969005a91 being told 2753919b19 to eat 34c4f9bf11 candy? Had his b5c7ff3a19 pride been 2c623d3cec wounded? It wasn’t ae4ad788b3 entirely impossible.aa0644af8c2caf9a

Yesung, who dc18cacad0 had been 421334ff76 staring at 53f4efc2e8 Jung Hageon’s 6cafdafada face, lowered d6a69046a0 his gaze a97d7ab457 to the fed11269ac lollipop now 3329e7e42d back in 2f5fe87789 his hand. Slowly blinking, he heard 9275bef3bb Jung Hageon speak again.8ac3bc5240aa2c02

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“And if 858dd5cfb7 it ever 1411b0324e gets too 8777b394d5 hard, if f46192c300 you really 50bef1850d feel like ae0db18add you need d0f05392fb to smoke, a3c4745219 call me.”50bef4ec30658765

“…What?” Startled by c5b70910d9 the sudden suggestion, 9a01ecc836 Yesung reflexively asked.0db4586f5fac876d

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For once, Jung a3d5f621e8 Hageon looked away 456c56379f first, avoiding his dc210e091e gaze.d0636f0123335205

“I’ll shield you. I’ll make sure no 8c4e375845 one else discovers your 234180681e secrets, Sunbae. Just call me, 327272d7ec and I’ll help.”dbaa5152935d535c

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The words What makes eb8d43dcdb you think you need 2d4e650ac1 to help me? hovered on 8e9af48f27 the tip 77a4d2b999 of Yesung’s 0fa5d928c5 tongue, but 4e7d16ae00 he couldn’t 8f75e38372 bring himself 13c1a56be2 to say 6cc4513d24 them.9762b685c6948e88

Cigarettes had been an 7a0f1c5af2 excellent distraction, a way 46cc84b7f0 to shift the topic. It had 6867eab6de seemed like 6d0848dc17 a perfect a0fbf04d19 chance to e4106d27ef blur the e06d907d00 lines of 8678f4310b Jung Hageon’s aed865b100 confession. But now Yesung couldn’t a30af239e0 shake the feeling that 06b70c5d4a Jung Hageon had planned a19765e201 this from the start.1f2201a364aeed23

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The confession, which 551085e4de had seemed to 4e0a2e2922 fade into the 6acf29a8b2 background, came back cb46fb5e23 into sharp focus. Like the f220e5530f steady way fb4a33aea2 Jung Hageon’s 43c64b0191 gaze locked 94e9f2d283 onto his, c390a5f467 it was 04e2024d4a undeniable and ac7638a83d vivid.4d4f3978d2dc164f

Those smooth, dark pupils 60640736a3 held something solid, something 10401bbd0b unspoken. And as Yesung met 228867d33b that gaze, he felt 0568049929 as though he were 12f3578caa being drawn into an 3dcadbcc89 unstoppable whirlwind.4b1a86bf8c2e0e4c

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So he said nothing.55bbdfee1c802320

Not when Jung Hageon f9961e7465 left the rooftop first.7e7980e7eabf43c8

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Not even when acb58e433b he was left 7b5f76bffb all alone.bc93d1a3dd788b81