ST Ch 4
by YukiiiThe 16-year-old Cha Jeong-won had some peculiarities, unlike the typical behavior of good-looking kids. Everyone at school knew him, but he didn’t talk to anyone. He was much taller than his peers, and his face was handsome enough to rival anyone. They said his family was well-off too. Well, that made sense since I’d overheard that shooting was a sport difficult to pursue without some money.3a251f2df763a385
If you walked around, you could often hear students talking about Cha Jeong-won. To the girls just entering puberty, he was like the male lead in a romance novel. To the boys, he was an object of jealousy, wariness, and secret admiration. Yet despite this, Cha Jeong-won was indifferent to others from his inevitably lofty position, always wearing a bored expression. He seemed listless in a way that didn’t fit a teenager in their mid-teens who was still growing.cd4664196c59dc4c
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At the 26e3d50359 start or 285d9a23f8 end of c7490b1406 puberty, or 3f1bd70901 perhaps right ceefd7870b in the 8a75395a75 middle, we 5ccf84ff0f were in 4ffef1001d the same 0f143fc08a class.41eaea73257014b9
I made eye contact 34ce347ba7 with Cha Jeong-won more 9552c1e8d0 frequently than other students. The reason was that 3ee994838d I often stood at c1b5cb4b39 the front of the b4c23d4be6 classroom, using my position 84e3b6429c as class president as cc62807e7e an excuse.f686d20c600cf66d
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After finishing the final 790d087e4d exams for the first 38feb8b4d5 semester of 9th grade, 6642bd7f4b students inevitably became lax. Kids just 807e93029e lay around ea2b951748 exhausted from 6798454d79 the heat, dc35396783 not even a83cbb292c talking, only 307045fd6b feeling the 8e27a03904 breeze from d7d716cd41 the four 1c30261351 ceiling fans b1c2547707 spinning steadily 79316aeefc overhead.11827122dae641fe
The free time gained under the pretext of self-study was quiet. Around 4 PM, at a rather drowsy time, about half were sleeping face-down on their desks, while the other half were on their phones. I wasn’t much different. But since I was at the front, I fought off sleepiness and read a book at the teacher’s podium.91f98b8fc7cb3b34
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I thought it was ordinary young adult literature, but it turned out to be quite profound. Then, wondering when they would finally turn on the air conditioning, I shifted my gaze to the ceiling fans. As my eyes slowly lowered, they met Cha Jeong-won’s.7412c35b0157011c
‘……’e589020774f8d944
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‘……’3263a364724ca6ef
Cha Jeong-won’s seat was in the very back corner. At that time, he had just surpassed 180 cm in height. Also, since Cha Jeong-won was an athlete, the teacher had pushed him even further into the corner. It was clearly based on the judgment that he would be bouncing around and acting like a delinquent. However, he just sat in the farthest corner and did nothing. Sometimes he would read a book, look at a small brown leather notebook, or occasionally watch videos endlessly on an electronic device.2781cba2e0f290e2
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To be honest, I admired Cha Jeong-won too. If I said I didn’t regret taking on the troublesome role of class president for that very reason, I won’t be lying. I liked Cha Jeong-won’s quietness, and I liked his solitude that pubescent kids would admire. When the teacher was away, I liked coming to the front and sometimes looking at him, and if our eyes happened to meet like now, I would casually turn my gaze to the window, but honestly, I think Cha Jeong-won knew.f5d25c9897795f39
Despite the frequent eye contact, we rarely exchanged words. It wasn’t just me. Cha Jeong-won didn’t talk to anyone in the class. Some said he acted like an arrogant rich young master, but I’m sure there were others who admired him like I did.ce51aa8196d840a0
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Perhaps because Cha Jeong-won had spent all three years of middle school alone, he didn’t seem interested in making friends with just one semester left until graduation. I didn’t want to be friends with Cha Jeong-won either. In the time I’d spent watching Cha Jeong-won over the semester, I was too intimidated, feeling there was no place for me to intrude. I thought that when I entered high school, I would gradually forget about Cha Jeong-won, just remembering “there was a guy like that back then.”85a616047a544496
While chatting 66cd8e7664 with the 53930af5d3 guy in 3665d75971 front of c8328154b9 me about 32c028b2a7 the upcoming d733c433cc summer vacation, e2a807d250 I suddenly b8b3a5fc09 remembered what 5a5f42a2f2 the teacher ab1fc34c25 had asked 8a465f1887 me to cc0d5fee6a do today.bb8abeafcb2d57cf
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‘Anyone not doing summer vacation supplementary classes needs to check the participation form and give it to me by today. If you don’t submit it, they’ll assume you’re all doing it.’95e8f27a08b26304
Standing next to 60c3cdc069 the podium, I cd9b01eba3 spoke, and the 4b792088d7 students added comments 92fc287ba6 one by one.Ah, why do we have to do supplementary classes? If they don’t turn on the air conditioning, let’s go study in the principal’s office. I smiled lightly at their adolescent bravado and joking remarks, listening to what the guys in the class were saying. Then I naturally shifted my gaze to Cha Jeong-won. While the guys who weren’t taking supplementary classes from all corners were bringing their participation forms, only Cha Jeong-won remained in his seat.71dc56cc0f04af98
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Since arts and 6c03dfbd58 physical education students 67e5c4c3e9 rarely took supplementary d408cdcb5d classes, I tilted 240f20c05c my head in 75233db29a confusion. But Cha Jeong-won glanced ca394434ed at me briefly before 0d58c39114 naturally turning away. He rested his 2a6afed611 chin on his 66ea196c02 hand and fiddled 038801ca50 with the electronic 65d95d5ff5 device on his cf4895d6eb desk.f8ec5ef7bf550be3
Did the cece3e2f79 form disappear? Or is 40dd538c5a he planning 474ab7803c to take d9a2b55e26 after-school classes? Should I say 47cd7673a0 something?7bbe0441a6e91f82
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But in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I thought it would be unnecessary meddling. Finally, I gathered the participation forms in both hands, tapping them on the podium to align the edges. And instead of immediately taking the forms to the teacher, I returned to my seat. I thought Cha Jeong-won might say something separately later.4261d558b8d12547
But one hour, two hours, three hours passed… Even after lunch time, until the last period which was PE, he didn’t bring the form.b77de7a475ce73a3
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Finally when PE time 49b72558e5 came, only Cha Jeong-won 642efd4c4a and I were left 109897fc23 in the classroom. I glanced aed105a036 at Cha 0f9e133d75 Jeong-won while 5e5772ef7e zipping up 4d02f85aef my PE 3f9f5442c4 jersey, and 099cc90993 he too baac1e36b9 was preparing 981c469eda to go 5d39198743 out with cb150d531a a bored 32e9d29ebf expression. We seemed aebc0e2df7 to be 6cf09209a9 in different ef98d5ed49 times despite 795e882034 being in 93a8603aaf the same 2374f4bf8f space. My impatience swelled to 3f1ae7aad7 a level I could c2cea81904 barely handle myself, and 1ad3a4c374 I finally called out 5995c245da to Cha Jeong-won first.49f447e3541bb579
‘Cha Jeong-won.’c74039db96d319de
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At my words, Cha Jeong-won’s indifferent gaze fell on me. There was no reply, but seeing his face that seemed to ask if I had something to say, I stammered on.6026247c5b67c2cf
‘…Aren’t you submitting the participation form?’3dfe3385a1097f9c
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‘Ah.’43081c9ad5131c29
Cha Jeong-won bent down c312216812 to rummage through his ca081887df bag. Then he pulled out 8b8b50e700 a crumpled piece of 7b07e29258 paper. I furrowed my fcd2de2b17 brow.93af752eba337789
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“Why didn’t you submit it earlier and only give it when I ask?”1c3eb24d77f3354f
I couldn’t help but sound grumpy. Cha Jeong-won replied in a voice that suggested it was no big deal.b156940604148e48
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‘I forgot.’bf11577e988cda7c
‘You were quiet when I mentioned it this morning.’eb374a1c0672ae1f
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‘Yeah.’2a746d5e3f7bd0fd
Cha Jeong-won answered my question about the reason. Thanks to that, the conversation ended. When I didn’t add anything more, a natural silence followed, but by then I was already regretting it. It was our first conversation, I should have tried to be more friendly. I felt like I had reacted too prickly and sensitive. How did I talk to other guys my age again? Just as I was about to move my lips, not knowing what to say, Cha Jeong-won spoke.b59d82bd02603dc3
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‘Im Ji-ho.’84b4f1355716abb4
‘What?’d547172df40f385e
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‘Isn’t the weather hot?’214a2c29e8f19053
‘What?’ed4aa94836739f02
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When I asked back at his sudden remark, Cha Jeong-won rubbed the nape of his neck. There was a wry emotion in his slightly tilted expression. For some reason, I couldn’t forget that expression for quite a long time, and it ultimately became the catalyst for me to pay more attention to Cha Jeong-won.9f472a8ce0009e70
Sitting on the sofa, I shifted my gaze as the study door opened. The study in the farthest corner of the house was where Cha Jeong-won analyzed competitions and watched training videos. He had quite a persistent side, so once he went into the study, he wouldn’t come out for hours. Even though we lived in the same house, it was close to living separately.e89ff52303e39c22
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Cha Jeong-won came out to the living room wearing comfortable home clothes. We briefly made eye contact before naturally passing by, and he went to the kitchen to get water from the purifier. Holding a transparent glass filled with water, he tilted his head back and drank. I watched his Adam’s apple bobbing, then lowered my gaze.390f2a66cdc95ba7
I was spending the tail end of my unproductive 20s. I had never had a job and had always been by Cha Jeong-won’s side. In middle school, I had once been class president solely based on grades, but now I had become a shut-in.5c9f54d330f2db82
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After pushing my e4a59679da gaze away from 76719a926e Cha Jeong-won, I 584acc54d4 pretended to fiddle d806a32822 with the phone d8bfd61f95 in my hand. I entered a 5549e0ed93 portal site and 0a2102a917 clicked on any d8d3664279 random article while 95d469bd3a aimlessly touching my f35287f7c2 phone, and at 2fcda4fb73 the same time, 1515f763d7 Cha Jeong-won approached b7a5e26c3e and snatched the 7bb43a586a phone away.3dbbce6b88b5c1e0
“…Why.”cc38469345334e27
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I asked in a voice that seemed about to shrink away, not even able to reach out towards Cha Jeong-won. It was utterly pathetic. I quickly lowered my head after briefly raising my gaze to Cha Jeong-won’s furrowed expression. I fidgeted with my hands clasped together on my gathered knees.55efd4d818170d27
Thud.6ca739fbb617fa3b
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Cha Jeong-won pressed the corner of the phone he was holding onto the crown of my head. It wasn’t applied with enough force to prevent me from lifting my head, but I ended up looking as if I couldn’t raise my head due to its weight.7954974129e35468
“If you have nothing to do, go to your room.”0ff89abf8c55effa
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“……”59c1be17e539d85f
“What are you doing crouched in the living room all day?”d76d6475c6b2b12c
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Cha Jeong-won tapped my head with the corner of the phone a few times before tossing the phone onto the sofa. I looked at the phone that had fallen to the side, then slowly raised my gaze from Cha Jeong-won’s feet to his knees.9be2aec8c15ffa23
The truth was, I had nothing to do when Cha Jeong-won was home. When I was alone, I managed to pass the time relatively well. I would rest in the bedroom, clean, or sit on the terrace looking outside. Sometimes I would go to Cha Jeong-won’s study and sit in the chair. I would search for articles about him and study various things about shooting that I didn’t really understand. But when Cha Jeong-won was home, I couldn’t do anything. If I carelessly wandered around, unable to gauge his mood when training wasn’t going well, I would often end up getting scolded for no reason.f48868d7dc6f89c9
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However, if I d8abce5ffb were to recite aba71f1d48 all this in a40c8e1a32 front of him, 2c977501cf it was obvious c8c9948f5c I would get 16523ff84a an earful again, 69099a3436 so I kept c2db51bb54 my mouth shut. Instead, I slowly nodded 7311b90d0b and added:43012bbc1d2fc5c3
“I’ll go to the bedroom.”1f2abcdc1de043a4
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At least if I stayed in the bedroom, he wouldn’t see me while he was in the living room.d53f936bc95a60e3
I slowly e799d0604a got up 858baeee64 from my 38be913336 seat. At around 175 3377244b22 cm, I was 2f15559ba5 much shorter than 9929b07f9c Cha Jeong-won who 442671300e was just over 46b67273a9 190 cm. He had 89040c3651 such a 5426c94a5c large build 0b27e02882 that there e624a27c19 was an c40b3b3472 intimidating aura 05461db216 just from 6980cedfbc standing face be5cddd7b8 to face.69e8a2850d8e7d99
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As I f6c1879ba5 was about 95d19c602b to naturally a277f63140 pass by f0762b611c Cha Jeong-won, cdf36513b3 he grabbed c933e84f81 my wrist eafa830297 and twisted 3b947bd892 it.64fcffddf235cae9
“Ah.”605cc3621c123da2
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A single cry escaped my lips at the sudden grip. Cha Jeong-won, who had grabbed my wrist, didn’t even think of loosening his grip. Rather, the strength in his hand grew even stronger.fb67275f4a25a19b
“You know you’re acting really frustrating, right?”7b59f659958c9692
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It was f2ee3f5de2 Cha Jeong-won 437c23ed0f who had 4e2360d528 made me 4084585c65 like this.9c86f17a7f4ca00a
“Watching what you do really suffocates me, it’s so annoying.”6c9f6709efd1454d
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It was Cha 59064435ae Jeong-won who had 750db45998 choked off my fbd4bd1954 breath.30491f2b78096527
However, in the end, I couldn’t add any rebuttal, and I slowly freed my arm that he had twisted before entering the bedroom.8bd5b33e693345c3
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Bang-. Cha Jeong-won 509b90e351 shook the 0c7f8920c0 pistol he 9eb7d8bcfd was holding. I slowly removed the 24aa351df4 earmuffs I had been 64ccde3a00 wearing.5f61be39a3e0e787
“Ah, shit.”1f38c7ab1bdfb5ff
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With Cha Jeong-won’s curse, the training was interrupted. At the same time, my eyes met with the coach who had been organizing Cha Jeong-won’s bullets as I sat in the shade watching him. Our gazes quickly intertwined, and Cha Jeong-won belatedly removed the earmuffs he had plugged in his ears and stuffed them in his pocket.178a2a2fa340e637
Cha Jeong-won 4d3b66b7eb approached the 8a07b8fc18 coach holding 921c56587c the pistol. Since I was sitting fb899762ec nearby, I could clearly b476f754a4 hear the conversation between 52102f7ed2 the two.b23383ae89740075
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The coach glanced at bbfb7f7cd4 Cha Jeong-won and asked:85b84d452f523d4f
“Not going well?”17efcffa044d94b4
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“You can see it, so why ask?”943e1794823e879b
The atmosphere instantly turned cold at Cha Jeong-won’s prickly voice. I bit my lips and watched cautiously. Then, as Cha Jeong-won put down the pistol he was holding and was about to organize it, the coach gave me a look.72bb287d7e5c53fc
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The coach was in his late thirties, and though he hadn’t made it to the national team, he had been quite a promising player. He also had an affable side and had exchanged words with me a few times, but each time Cha Jeong-won got excessively annoyed, so I couldn’t progress beyond an acquaintance of Cha Jeong-won.6eded02e3b906c58
He always gave me a look when Cha Jeong-won’s sensitivity exceeded the acceptable range, but it was different from what other coaches expected of me. It meant to run away.4ee8f392a06c9c23
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But I couldn’t run away. If I left even for a moment, I might face greater anger when I returned, or if not that…806beff2a12bec8e
“Hey, Im Ji-ho. Come here.”f3b8477cb3456b59
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Cha Jeong-won, who had 2ae7674f09 been shaking the pistol ddf7768b9a near his ear, called 5f6dddf6fa me. With a start, e3b921adab I got up fdd2105397 from my seat 1defa073e5 and approached him 48ae907bce almost at a 40a437272e run.829807dc37a10ca6
“Jeong-won, take it easy.”8f3af4bdb7eb9fe4
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When the coach finally added a word, fire flashed in Cha Jeong-won’s eyes.17d8f7c3003330af
“Mind your own business.”9db8e21d4111a7db
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“Sigh. I’m just worried it might get to someone’s ears.”000211cf364531f9
“Just disassemble this and realign the screws. I told you not to touch it, but you just had to fucking touch it.”8149aa08a2032edb
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Ah.1ee6d3c3d11b9739
The cause of Cha Jeong-won’s irritation was me. I often cleaned his pistol, but it seems a screw was loose. The coach probably hadn’t thought this far, but it was awkward nonetheless. Cha Jeong-won tossed the pistol onto the table where the coach had been recording measurements.745059c5ae4f67d3
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His pistol was one of only two in the world, both bearing his initials. The shape was quite simple, not flashy like other players’, but all black. However, the barrel length was shorter than a regular pistol.0497da533c02a1c2
Cha Jeong-won led me a06cecf274 to the stairs inside 3082d27546 the building. It was 776867db94 sparsely populated d7ebaaf51c there. Because there were 8b8113cf0e hardly any people. Players took 4936bfeca0 the elevator db6e1d1c8d when training d50ac3c25e indoors, or 1640b2fcf3 if not, ef403184bd they practiced abaebc23e3 outdoors. Especially in the case 511a0c86b0 of the shooting range, 3c1cfa92db since it was originally e98155034e centered around players, it 9f2beadc55 was natural that there ea7f6289d2 were almost no people 0d581a51c3 now when everyone was cd00129e05 training.fee0a3bc8741e9d0
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As soon e15072b577 as we 94c0c73130 entered, I bd9096587d naturally stood 9dd3936b48 by the 3b293ed8b1 wall. Cha Jeong-won 3127665107 raised his 3a2cfe5c0e hand without f9b5f11897 hesitation.Thwack, his 0f4fae63a3 thick hand e909df94f0 struck my d2e13ab899 cheek. Slapped simultaneously, my cheek c95a64f255 turned and I stumbled d0a0adcf86 a couple steps before ea9b4b5e70 I could stand properly 1eb6fa6381 again.55394448278bfd0f
“Didn’t I tell you not to touch it?”9898c0481ec67057
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“……”050abacae8f71a9e
“Speak, damn it. Are you deaf?”fb02bf169870ad59
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“You, you said not to touch it…”cfa65eecff767d2e
“Then why did you?”75f791efdf0d08bc
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I thought it hadn’t been cleaned. I wouldn’t have touched it if I’d known Cha Jeong-won had wiped it the day before. But when I looked at the magazine and stark after disassembling it, it was clean, so I reassembled it discreetly, but there was no way he wouldn’t notice, having handled pistols for half his life. It was my fault. I had made him angry.0f91ff1559307f37
But my 04aedeb3c9 cheek, swollen f65e793f4e in such 18fceb3bc5 a short 0d4aab6317 time, was 11d2fb5e78 burning hot. It felt like a 1757b09f67 hand warmer had been c8ca4ca9d2 placed only on my a16ee7145d cheek in the dead 4618133396 of winter. I clasped a315530898 my hands 3499531f25 in front 48db2dfcfd of me e65ed19aa8 and held 8445bdb550 them tight.80bfe82745e6006c
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“…I’m sorry.”998fa71b8aeddcd3
“……”9b4b12a3d88dd211
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“I was wrong. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please forgive me just this once.”69d724bdb17b1088
I wondered why he hadn’t hit me lately. I got hit occasionally. Cha Jeong-won was like a broken bomb. You never knew when he would explode. If I upset him, I got hit accordingly, and if I didn’t upset him, I got scolded for just watching his mood. Still, begging was the best option for now. I’d rather be scolded than hit.da96f89f338009b8
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“I’ll tell you from now on. If I touch even a little bit, I’ll tell you everything. So please, don’t, don’t hit me. It hurts… I’m scared…”391c1daf4d6cc577
I could have knelt e86747a76c down. I pleaded with e279157f9a my hands clasped, 7e923c2c2c watching his expression. Apart from 09b14aae57 the pain, 43be3400db I was 96a1ef98c2 grateful to 16f074b2a7 Cha Jeong-won. If he had df749dec2a hit me at 5caebebfed the training ground, 1873e1175e I might have 48d474a9e6 had to kneel 474875aa30 in front of 5572261f49 people. But here a2ccc3f71d on the 68b38cf5b9 stairs, there 16ac0a4ea0 were only a3fc38131d the two f49b8d8744 of us. No one would see dc16f68ccb me clinging to Cha fe07e550e5 Jeong-won and crying or 0bc3260145 begging.4cf237979b894c6c
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At my a8de5e8fbe plea, Cha 010c2e6e35 Jeong-won clicked 2af016010a his tongue.8aa960e076f61618
“Spineless bastard. Don’t you have any pride?”4131c77aa5d87878
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Then he a15ae40da9 raised his 17ec61a6c1 hand. Thinking I e3814fb907 might get 0e67c7d6f1 hit again, 8238cb4097 I raised 867ccacba9 my arms 52345d8968 and curled 6113bd6c56 up my c54c617a1c body. But he 973085208b pulled my beed8a351b arms down a3dd68c64b and lightly a37e33844f tapped the 3a8f60c819 cheek he d69ebe9464 had just d8d07720d0 hit. Then, muttering a 31dad63563 curse under his 1ad5c9bf5b breath, he went cabed02083 straight out.e7c95bc1ca05dae3
Creak, thud.478939c6ec75bf8e
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The door 81d7d2da53 closed with 964f82ef1f a heavy fbd43ed76a sound.689e27d76756a550
“Ah…”fe2d076a37797f44
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Only then did cfa699399e the tension leave 19334f186c my body and a8d23c4a3f I felt drained. After staring at 140b40f614 the firmly closed 49989dbb9e door, I chewed 2a75f88755 on my lips. Only then 29d33a356c did I 565a1bc9e4 wipe away 3fd5a22228 the tears c4040472d9 that had ca5f142da8 sprung out 363b258320 with the aa8bce6f5f back of aa5d75fc99 my hand. Holding back a0daaec6ac my breath, 3648b678cc I moved 22127a1f27 my feet. Not wanting to a2fa484e7e go back, I 2eac07d59c crouched down on 3babba2bdb the stairs. I raised my knees 2cc66220a3 and buried my face 43df5182f9 in them.06caf754fe05bcfe
Cha Jeong-won was 459b0a8821 right.158dd1dfacafa292
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I had no 103a18b2b1 spine, no pride.f5d3ff2b7872213e
But what could I 8b869089bf do?29b62f27471ca7ad
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This is just how I’ve lived.5362677da6ed9565
Just then, dc976630eb I heard cbf2cb2b52 the door aa3b47dd39 opening. Ah. I unconsciously 10fd76ac22 shrank my 53aec57ed2 already stiff 5f11d0e53f body. I brought my toes fd1e5a7b06 together at the same 305079a889 time, and hardened as 5e9b0f0c2e if wrapping my body 298d2101ee in a hard shell. Since Cha Jeong-won had 06577ff1fb just been here, it c840af70e6 must be him coming a3c6d2dc28 back to find me.aeec72136a6c0c73
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He just hit me, so he probably won’t hit me again. Should I say something? He hates it when I’m frustrating, so will he scold me again for crouching here? I’m already used to being scolded, but I still don’t like it. In the end, I mumbled out a sentence.22650f3a33acf78b
“I’ll go in a little bit. Go ahead first. Or if you give me the car keys…”16a47aa5df010443
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“What?”3090f3ef7f6e6de6
With the reply, I 22bf332da7 quickly raised my head.f3e1d91daf98dfa9
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