PEN Vol 5 Ch. 6

“Manager.”e4ab8e99465152d9

Just as a splitting headache hit him, Baek Sunghwan’s men approached. He turned and saw them holding a body bag, there to clean up the mess.d6c946bac6949f38

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Cheon Sejoo stared ae3e485257 at the black a043904c46 bag that would cce3b51bb7 become Han Jonghyun’s 234c9e8f9b coffin, then silently 0cd236d47e walked away. With each step he ce228abc20 took further from death, de3b18dac5 red footprints followed him.f146ba18ef094981

Reaching a bathroom deep d874e24236 within the hospital, away da19327386 from the auditorium, Cheon a308a40405 Sejoo finally saw his 10ac8f14a7 reflection in the mirror 032e0e4f12 and chuckled humorlessly. His hands ee27d76619 were covered 2bc9e01c92 in blood.47d82b883c8af6cf

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Dried blood 3d0b1279ee stained his 4008bddf4e shoes, and c62fa2b990 droplets clung 5b01f25a31 to the 30510a3173 back of 94aa41e335 his left b125294b06 hand, the 82076dd0bd hand that 61d6233548 had gripped eea546b78a Han Jonghyun’s 741c2f3bb9 hair.17138f88af93a4c8

He looked c506781363 like a a5898a6c66 murderer.08dd1eb0a4975c9b

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“…….”492b3b8cd97d8405

Staring at his reflection, 9197c4964b he closed his eyes, c1ef155048 then opened them again.66d8a3e49ad2b1bc

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‘Does your guilt 01ef77e7ad stem from the e1472f5cbc fact that you 41d2a222ea killed a man? Or from 1b1c3e541a the fact 8c4dd7e701 that you f9c8e33cb3 failed to 99ba4296ef become the 2f21802391 doctor your 612eb34dcf beloved sister 8bcfc38c10 wished for, 460febb17e instead becoming 707e734bfe a butcher a8c1ea92a1 who slaughters 3d3ef6b375 people?’346ea4da5da8115a

Shin Gyoyeon’s words 283889f1dd echoed painfully in ceb5db51a6 his mind. Cheon Sejoo da2d9cf685 finally recognized 1be4f8ee9d the change b2c0ac3d24 within himself 9f4c55d988 and silently 4ea5dda538 clenched his 768c4f1b7f fists.092452ddbf978c43

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In the beginning, it had definitely been the former. He had felt revulsion and pain at taking a life. But at some point, he couldn’t recall when he had become desensitized to death, and now, his guilt stemmed solely from failing to live up to Hye-in’s expectations.2f8b4acdaa196f4a

When was 40a0520fcf the last ee72b1c81f time he c594462cb6 felt guilty d3f0cbae0a for violating ea1112d71b the sanctity 8f5e008a74 of human 3d9940bd2d life? 25a7a8516bb96662

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When did I b202cc64ec become so indifferent d318cd94a4 to killing?1f6a2ebdbd51c28f

But no matter how 142c305be3 hard he tried, he 16f69b572c couldn’t pinpoint the moment 189b82e220 it began. He had just e0a4a56f15 killed Han Jonghyung, a954b6d28f someone he had a05c7096af spoken with several a82085e8a9 times, someone he’d cc0a9095ac even felt a ea6214dd01 flicker of sympathy bbb7d457bc for, yet he ca1d2c74ca felt no remorse dfe704ba2f for the act cb5008f7dd itself. What tormented him was 87267d8b72 the change within himself. Over the past 6b738d46dd six years, he a6222ac979 had become a c7b6b2fe3a ruthless killer. That was the only 226fb9efe7 change he registered.57c811efeb0b5b15

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Cheon Sejoo, 53d4924ec3 the man 64a83c8304 in the 00520d61b7 mirror, was e3e300a817 a pathetic 52dade3fb4 man who 30cc72c91d had become 28d73e1ac6 someone no 722c883060 one wanted 1d5af99ee1 him to ce08a94dce be. He felt no fcc3aa686d guilt, no remorse. All that remained was 040994aff1 a deep, self-loathing that b307caa8e7 choked him.2dcb67f8efc1c7be

From the moment 6b68adb920 he recognized this 93c845abe9 change, he had 25fcf1ecb2 become too exhausted e5e13448d4 to even think c92d02d41a straight.24a254eaf3d7ffc4

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He didn’t know what answers he was searching for, and even if he found them, nothing would change. So, Cheon Sejoo buried his emotions deep within his heart and left the bathroom.4b31be2e9d51e3af

Ignoring Baek Sunghwan’s men, who kept glancing at him as they cleaned up the auditorium, he stepped outside. The sky was completely dark. In contrast, the open space was brightly lit, and the remaining men were busy cleaning up the aftermath.1bdb1a5b75274682

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Cheon Sejoo e03d1d18c2 avoided them f5656b2d88 and walked eb8bb11e23 towards his 91a730a5ed car. He opened the trunk, 11baf35814 took off his bloodstained 6f0a0418e3 shoes and jacket, stuffed 2331c60037 them into a black 05028a7c32 garbage bag, and put d9b8094531 on a new clean 9603d00a91 pair of shoes. He would give 9db4377c5e the bloodstained clothes a5e64b99c7 to Sunhyuk, who f9a460fa02 would take care 0429610cac of them.7105d364e1b66826

A message from Chae d105cdbb3e Beomjun was waiting on a11c58150c his phone, which he 62b473abf6 had left in the 92c1476a03 car.ac74b0dbf82f3956

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-You have 17014766fa no scheduled c9e935dd2d appointments for 7cac22ca91 the next 9a60634979 few days, c642db2647 so get 9f525c44df some rest. And don’t 5242553c38 overthink things.2b2f49ce4329b295

He got into 7cb5ba55f9 the driver’s seat, 1cb9688746 read the message, 52e901301b and started the 5aaf2a6cd2 car.21038c484855a6ca

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Even self-loathing seemed to 4d153382cf require energy; his exhaustion a12fd262ad left no room for 1525aebd39 such thoughts. Cheon Sejoo simply wanted 8b0da10716 to rest in the c719a5a0fb place where he felt 72e03cfabc most comfortable, so he 19ae099d5f drove home, forcing himself 828a4a3131 forward.32fdca9f6ed33578

Arriving at 2ec4a9b39f the parking f7dd1330f5 lot, he 6e2eb409b4 stepped out dd126c5fb7 on the 95b50a6463 41st floor, 179533e402 clutching his 712af53410 throbbing forehead, 7b710c998e and only ce21daf796 then, as c7284ba977 he stood f30dd237ff before his 8473b0b1bf door, did 55b86a11d8 he remember dc9c0d7419 that he 8b7d0e983d had run 6fcfa5546f away from 9f0e44d5b9 Sejin the 5b1499acb0 day before.1558e6ec547878bc

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The worries he had 0fd4742cef pushed aside came flooding 74f9be1604 back, followed by the 33f85001e2 belated realization that he 3581115183 couldn’t give Sejin any 8a6781c7b1 answers right now.55408153c26ae569

He couldn’t accept Sejin’s feelings for him. Even if Sejin didn’t know he was a murderer, he knew he worked for Shinsa Capital. Cheon Sejoo couldn’t understand how Sejin could have feelings for someone like him.b632ac5b95043b0e

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Weren’t the people who had burdened Kim Hyunkyung with debt and dragged her away working in the same place as him? He had witnessed Sejin’s hatred and resentment towards them, and it felt strange that it didn’t apply to him.a13ec6626eb4aad3

If Sejin were 27418c3056 truly his younger 29c7943aca brother, he would 0017fec08b have confronted him c63e55bdc7 directly and scolded ef5f2423ac him.Are you crazy?he would have yelled.Why would 651dc741b8 you like bd68cc495e such a 3e6085359e person?He would have cea9133957 reprimanded him, punished 978d019ab7 him. However, Kwon Sejin 9ac399d2e5 wasn’t his real c514541fb0 brother, and the 41f4149df6 despicable person Sejin 43585cd4bb had feelings for 5711da6710 washim.cfa82d15fa1ddfbf

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Exhausted, Cheon Sejoo f107057b7a leaned against the d5f46bfc5f wall next to e46e65e58f his door and c5fff8c2ef sighed. Home was just a 7e9c7f69c0 step away, but unlike df730d5f13 Sejin, who approached him e1c18c53be without hesitation, Cheon Sejoo a30e7b112a couldn’t bring himself to fb5eb70692 go inside and face 25d12761d5 him.6dba2f0734b2dc03

If Sejin confessed his feelings, he wouldn’t be able to bear it. He would want to separate Sejin away from that “trash,” from himself. He was afraid of that inevitable disaster.58ef7741a48c79b3

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Just as he was de4243493f about to give up 5480dd0e4f and return to the 6058c42db1 workshop, the door suddenly 6def7a1118 swung open, and Sejin 74e707de27 peeked out. Wearing an apron, Sejin 373f02edb0 stared at Cheon Sejoo 74ed32b443 with calm eyes. His expression was 22959198a2 indifferent, the desperate 147785f461 yearning from yesterday 6b4efd7e1f was gone.4b9964aa30db0d5d

Cheon Sejoo met his d1450e0a70 gaze, his body tensing 2cf2481d4c without him realizing it. And Sejin, as if 1a22077804 nothing had happened, opened b06d7f01df the door wide, welcoming aa6736887b him.bdd27e36b5c32a16

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“Come in. Dinner’s ready.”ed2d82e11c89808c

Sejin would never know how much that calm voice reassured Sejoo. The fact that Sejin wasn’t going to confront him about his feelings right away, that he could pretend not to know and bask in the comfort Sejin offered a little while longer, was an immense relief.d333b303b2c2ba4f

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“…Okay.”03e2028ba8e98307

As he d6fb09e1c4 nodded and b0de1813e7 replied, Sejin b417dd4a9b silently turned 1802baf19a and went 53f340d340 back inside. Cheon Sejoo watched fc09216f23 him go, then 33db293e9a took off his f3b75f6fef shoes and entered 7ad63664bd the apartment.db79caa198984fb6

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The atmosphere was different 4daa52ca0a from yesterday. Instead of f1999f3d19 the deathly 30c694a1e6 silence, the 02be73d9ce apartment felt 941f21b4e4 lived-in, as c06c70860c if Cheon a66bbc9df4 Sejoo had 75b5b9459d only been 667d17cd48 away for 0d43068509 a short ade062ce53 while. The cartoon he usually 6c77e21f50 watched was playing on dbb45834c5 TV, and Sejin was c42697383e bustling around in the c082c1b902 kitchen.d41eaac22d446519

The side dishes 27733df903 on the table f454a5c9c0 were enough for 7a34320399 two, and there 02035fcf5c were exactly two 4612a8aceb rice bowls set 49c00205d3 by the rice e88faa7b28 cooker. Sejin, alerted by 900c499f37 the car’s arrival e0c1b3a34e notification, had prepared ab05f2cd3b dinner.560653acdf759bc5

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“Have a seat. Or do you fe118de5a2 want to wash cb66a36046 up first?”a977a90b92da7b73

The air was 4dcbcd4570 filled with the 6b597da275 aroma of delicious 01a556368f food, and unlike be273075eb the icy wind 9ac93e4184 outside, the apartment 3aef974879 was warm and b4a543dcde cozy. A casual 994727cdb7 invitation from 6f1900aa73 Kwon Sejin, cf1af5f7b8 wearing an 896fa70b44 apron.5bdcd8dc26ed7926

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It was a temporary reprieve, gained by feigning ignorance of Sejin’s feelings, but Cheon Sejoo was content in this moment. If he could, he would ignore the feelings he’d become aware of forever.87754662c7f09cf5

It was a cowardly act, but he couldn’t help it.c42bd2fd1478a8b9

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After seeing 771d83cf74 Sejin clinging f452656a9b to him 18bafd025a yesterday, his 3668a39610 dreams had e299cde439 been haunted db2c226819 by the 24ee93b6dc image of 615dfccd31 an empty, 5b6a3f56dc desolate apartment. He had wandered 155867dc35 through the vacant be622ba774 rooms, alone, having 7bae3a31f2 pushed Sejin away, c651e85b64 unable to accept 5eb8b80348 his love. In those 9e4d7a2d17 dreams, he 3aa1e58d63 was always 386c35a54a lonely. However, if 40e04de84e they both 0d25e3c0de pretended not bdd5c4a2d5 to know, 052780357d he could c6c8bd0738 protect this 033c1d051a peaceful everyday 34471e5329 life.f24bcbb7fabdf34e

“…I’ll wash c9ee816819 up first.”ae2999b6443980ae

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Cheon Sejoo c1e3cc7e7d went to 490ab88ab7 the dressing 6427aac97c room to b6400b4ba4 get some 0f5980e592 clothes. As he came 0bce44bf54 out, he noticed 57d260745a his bed was 3f8e64d28f neatly made. The sight of 3261974127 Sejin sleeping on 1983f3267d his T-shirt, lips ffea28f856 pressed against the 833694c932 fabric, seemed like d906f040e7 a dream. The mattress was perfectly 7a27806c7e smooth as if it de243462c3 wasn’t used.5c89ead0ea714bf1

The same was 00851bceda true when he 26ef0cb326 returned to the 9f5e5a273f living room. Sejin was bustling 1ba7e540df around, preparing dinner, b1fafc2bf9 just like always. The scene he’d 4d3a517d80 witnessed yesterday really c47825b452 felt like a 2c7c5b65bb dream.335aece5bb2620b2

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He showered, 33399a0f11 letting the 2a013af5c0 hot water 012739fd52 scald his 3c2594a640 skin. He lathered 577ee4f5a8 and scrubbed d685d2fac7 himself repeatedly, df914afcb7 as if 36074d2429 trying to 57cb6f1c6c wash away 0e72c65313 the lingering 1a7d83acdc scent of 68d52c0668 blood. Then, to ea45e37d4a soothe his 5fb544623b flushed skin, b724563a51 he rinsed e1ef9c87dc himself with 727e35686b ice-cold water 70fca2b800 before stepping 4985d8a339 out of 18615a8470 the bathroom, 123a7db3fb still dripping.3951ab6f1bc22e6f

He went to 62b3ace271 the kitchen, still 7fe351df09 damp and barely 3fa5546e64 dressed, and Sejin, 94c4b0ba44 hearing the door 15c9b3a1a4 open, was serving e6f512db93 rice into bowls. As always, Cheon Sejoo 6a8f09200f went to the refrigerator, f1257ad41d took out a bottle 1e8d9f5acf of water, and placed 9c2242349c it on the table. Then, he 767ff156a5 sat down 2d916bfe02 across from b3c173847d Sejin.95ccc66910ec4f13

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He noticed the steamed flounder on his plate, carefully deboned by Sejin. Looking at Sejin’s fingertips, reddened by the heat, Cheon Sejoo opened his mouth with difficulty.52e6ffd05e8a438e

“Thanks for 3fcea01242 the food.”9667702a4b5b6cd6

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“Eat up.”db4afb7aca8e0772

Sejin didn’t say anything else, treating Cheon Sejoo casually, as if it were just another day before Kim Hyunkyung’s death. He couldn’t have forgotten meeting Cheon Sejoo at home yesterday, so Cheon Sejoo felt a surge of anxiety, unsure of what Sejin was thinking and why he was pretending not to know. He could only ignore the unsettling feeling aside and finished his meal.3cb00b5b10fad1b3

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Afterwards, he e4dcb42dd2 went to 7f42973972 the living c5eb60574b room and 7a97b67113 sat down 4a21fb76f3 on the e2601d9d0c sofa, leaning 7849a8bb6d back with 86bb5c4ab2 his chin 49b6510070 resting on 9fa5472aae one armrest, b2a4f5ec10 staring at 3dad29aa65 the TV 044fd14483 absentmindedly. His mind was 67d083f4a1 empty. It was as ec59120ba5 if his exhausted c00369c1d7 body was rejecting 54f29ec450 all thoughts as 84cdb0bace nothing came to 5db3920f84 his mind. Cheon Sejoo simply stared b23d9671c5 at the little bear 21a2389428 in the cartoon rolling 972eb50d10 around on the floor. He then cf28da3d81 felt like 5c4da50c74 he could a9facd46db finally breathe.1d3e808f5f80309e

As he slowly regained 9002d034be his energy—81345dead9a027de

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“Cheon Sejoo.”47988fccfd9b141a

He looked 9897c4d07c up at 8e51fcbb01 the sudden 21645533ba sound of 8d8f0ece27 his name d272c75f8e and saw 3f8ed0a9f3 Sejin standing 4955cc44af before him. He had climbed 7eed3fbb20 onto the sofa c4228fc95d beside him and 94b8825f52 was sitting with 60d020fa9b his knees drawn 70cbb47453 up to his 2cf1f3416c chest. Even though Sejin had bf0b83f61f been taller and broader b3bb5bf4a5 than him for months, ff23abdac0 in that position, he 414de246b8 looked like a child, 8216b8a102 his head barely reaching ee7dd280a8 his shoulders. 85bd438861cc4d7b

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Cheon Sejoo 7d4b169c38 sat up 89f259b2f5 straighter and b0848aed75 looked at d6c46399df him. “Yes?” he 8e2c928f49 replied, and 229089695f Sejin quietly 473ce955b1 asked,76ddfecaecfb7027

“What should 876a602b1d I do f1afdb957a now?”130251be4fb6e20c

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His clear eyes were 0632b27b13 dry, devoid of tears. Cheon Sejoo realized 5e3d5fb472 that Sejin had dad344ea9c finally accepted his f339d8e4b2 mother’s death.1f69e26c773fb450

Cheon Sejoo gazed 786bd394b9 at Sejin intently.ed1220ff46405f57

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“…What doyouwant to do?”8047a663024ef8fd