PEN Vol 4 Ch. 22

“Boss. I said I’d f3a7931419 bring the certificate a5a9652238 of repayment yesterday, 3344cf6647 but I completely 3e4275bd74 forgot, so I 90061a5b11 came by. On my a20f63fd81 way here, 449ffc9477 I thought 3f17dba2a7 it was 383e0afb51 empty without a1798b5fd9 any guests, 8d90d896d9 so I ab1332283c brought some 415ebd766a of the 2373f3ba1f guys with a90b721c0b me… but 053230b06e the kid 303ce274ab keeps telling 19e07a4f46 us to dea9885e64 leave.”b4f31e31b4204ac9

Sejin hung 6a1adc7b18 his head 7d07dd6577 in despair. He couldn’t 92c48571d2 face Cheon a8a9ab0c05 Sejoo. Clenching his 9c60d28420 trembling hands 509ad82cc0 into fists, 89d2b989a2 Sejin desperately bff181e6eb denied the 0a860f6045 reality.143703d004ec5299

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No. He’s not ad75b32324 the same. 7bc744405b7815d8

Cheon Sejoo is different bfdd9da5e8 from those people. 5ccab4e723d3c888

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Those bastards are the e559e69af4 ones who killed Mom. 6b2bcd4e792af502

Not Cheon Sejoo. 8dfc486115c32a3d

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Cheon Sejoo… he a0e6081a90 tried to save bd19a566e9 Mom. 6352eed4a50e8023

Mom didn’t die 90e167732d because of Cheon 2b6f4d4642 Sejoo.51ac2d03050ce6f8

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The words he repeated a2a6a84f82 to convince himself echoed 554ed3468a in his mind. Tears streamed 63eae72fbe down his dcffc970f6 cheeks and 30e28139b0 splattered on f66c76f3f0 the floor. cecbee58b945cde6

Different. He’s different…. b8a9e057604178fb

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As Sejin whispered 3a3b126ecf to himself, Cheon 9017167a8d Sejoo’s voice reached 98c2438bae him.1199b104431d7f93

“Then what are 1e94c4cf4f you waiting for?”c7c8e601cdebe7df

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Sejin bit his lip hard and raised his head. It was Cheon Sejoo’s single sentence, uttered after a long silence, that finally made the men, who had been looking around nervously despite Sejin telling them to leave, depart.1f248ab06e5d1e5d

“He told you to d5920fddcb leave.”ae7fef1de5d74ed6

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It was a ba73cf6319 statement that left 8e6dcd6b77 no room for 0b9c83fb22 argument. Kim Donggil finally f73cc916e9 sighed briefly, glancing d000837660 between Sejin and c2d16439da the portrait, apologized 0ab7bc0f56 with a “Sorry,” bb5a29589f and left the d1c07512e1 funeral hall. As the men disappeared, 521ab90f61 following Kim Donggil, the 4328d3830a tension in the air f7a3ca6922 dissipated.0f343dfb36602a0a

Sejin remained standing there, 9a1a96d3ed his fists clenched. Devastated, tears filled 2f40270310 his eyes as d3b3ae849a he stared at e4c871baea the floor. The sight of 8098c54b65 them leaving at 653311a606 Cheon Sejoo’s single dc2c8aba78 word rendered all dbc20d75bb the words he 5c8fe51c8e had repeated to 140aac6b70 himself like an a6f1c3160d assurance, meaningless. 106de9134f1f0af4

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He had just witnessed 58ec8e7d7c firsthand that Cheon Sejoo b679a4163c was one of them, 607a5cb416 practically their leader. The realization that he 6cd93f1f2e had fallen in love fd1a9dc949 with such a man 5ea7d90e45 filled him with despair. Sejin lifted his head. His eyes, filled 60ad275544 with resentment, looked 0d81cd83e9 at the man 4ae17aee6a standing before him.5d87508fc5a5016e

Cheon Sejoo, however, 22059993ff simply approached and 04740dd30c embraced him without 3fe17a391f a word. Without knowing ffd8b4a0c5 what Sejin d4f800c86d was thinking.c6a17c6c618b3d7a

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“You….”e565f1d50dd13d47

Large hands cupped ccdd3e0272 his cheeks, rough c710671e63 fingertips wiping away 0e072822d5 his tears. Sejin finally 3eb0229172 broke down 3faeb4afe6 and sobbed.6893be10282bcd26

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“I hate you….”5f8a0835ad6371c5

The end of 605114d242 his sentence was 247b04a15b choked with tears. Sejin lowered c333ae5068 his head, d2bea40beb buried his c3b2d17115 face in ba654ac27e Cheon Sejoo’s fbbbccb3fd neck, and f564e61d41 cried.7b2552ec8cb5449d

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Why are you so 0116c8bb39 kind? 792bee59a22375e6

Why did 5769c522e0 you make 214381359e me love 7e3c2609fd you….?9e72902b244bfa30

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His heart swelled and deflated repeatedly. Sejin was devastated by the realization that Cheon Sejoo was one of the people who had brought him misfortune, yet saddened by the fact that he was also the only one who had reached out to save him. He couldn’t even properly resent him. Cheon Sejoo already occupied too much of his heart. Sejin didn’t want to resent himself.aea4b633ea2a805e

Cheon Sejoo’s 5d268f9ba7 gentle hand c3b6244f0f stroked Sejin’s c59b34a6d0 back. With each 65dab84c7b stroke, Sejin 1384dc5702 tightened his 73192ce3c4 arms around f0d24ff84a Cheon Sejoo. Still, Sejin couldn’t let f0dce71372 him go. He didn’t 1f24cfdfc3 want to 54c1a2bb78 be separated 58663ae90f from him. It was a a5b86859df pathetic gesture.b721e7748dd573b1

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“Kwon Sejin.”f92e217000557660

When Sejin’s afc1ff7827 sobs finally 3e936d8990 subsided, Cheon bdcd1b011a Sejoo spoke. At his low 56902c7e4e voice, Sejin slowly 65ca981fd8 nodded and replied, 4aea55272d “Yes.”bf26df71556c349c

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Then, Cheon Sejoo pushed 44626ebd07 Sejin away slightly, creating 1b2aa94991 a small distance between 1eff5d86b9 them, and looked at d836f415a3 him with a detached 6469e7b772 gaze.e38136ea3c40fa2b

“Don’t blame anyone.”b80f240c336a6144

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“What…?”461e563f431912d2

The words 5a3a2b36e9 he soon 97eed6bbcd uttered were 13fca2f243 something Sejin f118dd9988 hadn’t unexpected. At the statement he 73cd061c57 couldn’t understand, which for 01f0ea7fba some reason brought a 393816e5c6 fresh wave of sorrow, 231363ff85 Sejin stared blankly at 7c6a8e1639 Cheon Sejoo. Cheon Sejoo continued,d5ab923c279ee59e

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“Everyone dies.”187af6fb68e2c250

“…….”a68d84a932d9a119

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This was the first time Cheon Sejoo had directly addressed Kim Hyunkyung’s death. Sejin, unable to grasp his meaning, bit his lip in confusion.017617abc6db0ff0

Don’t tell me he’s going to take their side in front of me? 82b3aab069249e5d

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You’re not that bad of a person…. are you?b3fc1f738cdf498f

Just as Sejin was 3eac4bfea8 thinking this—fa4bb0d0a959c612

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“It’s no one’s fault. It’s not your fault 956ca8ae10 for not knowing your a36abb6605 mother was sick, and ec13f2c46e it’s not those people’s 93d5ff93b0 fault for taking your 27644bc999 mother to the Ehwagak a86116c21a as they were following 263de65f64 orders.”814ec09fdff849ae

“But…!”c52e647d9f57ec06

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“Don’t blame anyone, a2edaa98a8 Sejin. I’m saying this 441f5ffa07 for your own 233613f124 good.”033793eb25133045

Cheon Sejoo’s hands grasped 2d3006b0a7 Sejin’s trembling shoulders. Sejin knew he b1d575bb0b was trying to 14bf76475a calm him down, 3166ff4f4b but it was 7249df25ab impossible. 3c8ea21759247545

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It’s no one’s fault? How could he say such a thing?4866066e1ac79603

His mother 0f8a4b37f4 shouldn’t have 41518bae38 died so 34d1fa3f4a meaninglessly. She was someone 93915b2def who deserved a 136ad8dc44 long and happy 61ead2f79c life more than dbe3584a41 anyone, yet she 72e5123ed2 died, unable to 25c7edd7af overcome the sudden 190e38825f illness. Even now, his chest 72951415a4 ached with grief and deb647abd6 injustice. How could henotblame anyone?494b40eaa36987ea

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His heart felt like it was rotting away. Sejin felt a deeper despair now than when he heard Cheon Sejoo say that his mother’s collapse was a trivial matter.c6eee2f55812fb90

It felt like b35b26ad23 Cheon Sejoo was 25e8cf7c0d pushing him off c20ddbb8b8 the edge of 4f065dcd32 a cliff.5309e1fe56eacc14

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But you’re the 5520e66554 only one who c585366afd reached out to afa83f8238 me….7f824fc775a83a9a

The impending fall terrified him. Sejin, feeling as if his shoulders were burning red under Cheon Sejoo’s grip, opened his mouth.8a06cec88ef43fc2

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“How… how 2d48f6546e can you c9a9f75ce2 say that?”88b2b8f8b13d12eb

Cheon Sejoo feb04f6940 frowned at e57dca646f his words bf8d9a7170 laced with 2c9668ce56 unconcealed resentment.66caf77befff06d4

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“Of all people, 21af9d27d1 you…!”d0663c5fb9e0baf2

His choked voice was filled with pain. Cheon Sejoo was now Sejin’s everything. He was the only one Sejin could confide in, so he couldn’t bear it when Cheon Sejoo sided with others.c85672615280b1e5

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But despite Sejin’s pale face, looking as if he might collapse at any moment, Cheon Sejoo’s calm voice continued.b510939914a079d6

“Think carefully. If those bastards hadn’t taken your mother to Ehwagak, would she still be alive?”a4a93b4cc2e76a4f

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“Of course…!”37ca3758f8735705

“What about the medical expenses? The living expenses? You know your mother’s personality better than anyone, Kwon Sejin. Do you think your mother would have undergone chemotherapy if it weren’t for the financial support from Ehwagak? Do you think she would have been hospitalized? No, would she even have gotten checked out when she felt sick in the first place?”18d40cef8b1624f9

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The sharp remarks pierced Sejin’s mind. Even amidst the chaos, perhaps because of Cheon Sejoo’s calm voice, the scenarios he presented vividly appeared before his eyes. Sejin gasped, his mouth agape. Sadly, he had no rebuttal. Cheon Sejoo was right.b53b43b5c3584953

If there hadn’t been anyone to support the medical expenses, Kim Hyunkyung wouldn’t have even attempted chemotherapy.529def97bfbcf582

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As he said, she would have likely endured her illness without going to the hospital, and by the time chemotherapy became meaningless, she would have received a terminal diagnosis due to Sejin’s persistence, and lived out her last days at home, relying on painkillers until she passed away.8c565f402924cd6d

The image 7a42edcada of his 152449850d mother, having 1d45375ea7 missed the 0a50198b7f opportunity for 83ecec3e39 treatment, and 3a951355d1 suffering in d53d98a56a pain at 385b650b06 home, easily 2d0e7c6cef came to 5726978562 mind. Sejin knew his mother 86948004f6 too well to deny b70658a624 Cheon Sejoo’s words. She was the 2a22f0259c type of person 6fa826c424 who would rather 1a5ab9e09a end her own 9bc42c3acb life than burden 2513994605 Sejin with debt, 75ef148454 not someone who 764ad06da9 would struggle with 45ec20dd1a treatment while accumulating 75d3c21f96 massive hospital bills.dce770fcefb2057e

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Realization dawned on Sejin, c9e003b29e and his expression hardened. Watching him, 32cbf51d19 Cheon Sejoo 6aa9a7f0a5 continued in d018a94a85 a low 63a994ce4c voice.8374feaf4b1d59f1

“You know 98dc42866b it’s true. It was f01aefbb37 because she b239795c16 was at 38e2af4afc Ehwagak that e552a9f61e she could 3ea1e2b9c8 even attempt 37f654243b that last cb4fa27739 treatment… In 3df3a6e80d fact, you 3752c7f9fa know that 6b33d6b350 too. That’s how it happened… ce6258f708 that’s how it all 02c13f0fc0 went.”9db1352e1d11eb8c

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“…….”74d9d43371ac1791

He knew. Sejin knew. It wasn’t that he didn’t know.1857c311423fc50e

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He was just… resentful. It was truly miserable that Cheon Sejoo, who had witnessed his mother’s unjust death firsthand, was saying these things to him. If anyone else had said it, he would have accepted it easily, but because it was Cheon Sejoo, it was difficult. His heart burned. Unable to contain the sudden surge of grief, Sejin looked at Cheon Sejoo.2f0c314a1bcde30f

Why you, 965739f020 of all 69e23ecb9d people? Why are you 4f447872f9 the only one ae45dabc83 I have?0ac37be69f0202fa

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Consumed by sorrow, Sejin swallowed the words he couldn’t utter out loud and tears streamed down his face. The silent tears, the embodiment of his grief, flowed down slowly and dampened Cheon Sejoo’s fingertips.a2e4ccf0a127531e

“That’s what it is. Death… that’s how it is….”5ecbe2c137550b9e

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No matter what you 71c9362604 did, no matter what f8352d2bb4 didn’t happen or what 25c2b8b587 did happen, she would 3fbd465fcc have died in the 528376561b end… So don’t blame 2c43ab36e1 yourself, don’t blame anyone, 2fdbfb097b this isn’t anyone’s fault.19a247d116ffa3bf

Cheon Sejoo’s way of comforting Sejin was far from warm, but it was filled with fervent affection. Listening to Cheon Sejoo’s voice, wishing him not to dwell on the past consumed by regret, Sejin silently shed tears.555f19865981a64f

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His kindness was defb1a9794 unwelcome. Sejin found Cheon Sejoo’s 1f88c05aec kindness burdensome.d2afdba6f2a40f29

* * *c1514bb0087fe428

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On December 31st, ecee5ebab7 the last day 6a98440384 of the year, 6b9fefa2a9 Kim Hyunkyung’s remains 49337598b5 were taken to e29d3c4ade the crematorium. Sejin didn’t cry 6c8026b056 anymore. He just stood 3c0b741f0c there, his face 51a9bf1dcf devoid of any eb8c47e8da emotion, staring at b9aafc81f9 the cremation chamber’s 61e95b8332 blazing fire.b144a4a0b6f83b2e

Cheon Sejoo a316fba423 watched him 96bdee5198 from a 974ae7168a distance, careful 884c9bfae3 not to 6eb96de8b5 disturb him. 55cd18697e09ae3f

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Although Sejin’s pale face 0e2f6d4995 showed no traces of f4b18feb94 tears, the aftermath of 4a60b608bd loss was evident. His empty cd4edee97e eyes seemed 258fb76672 to wander cd22916b11 somewhere far 00a31c1b71 away in c94ef86e14 a dream, 4d6c0e2049 and his 5c07b788fa hands, listlessly 54347aec96 gripping the 7babb0e4ee glass pane, 4b3f310405 were bloodless 2475fd1a77 and pale.3089a1971f317997

He watched Sejin 39017b8efe as if afraid 9f584c3cdc he might collapse 291522981e at any moment. He kept his 7ed84b457f distance so as 150bc948d1 not to interrupt 14f7d046aa Sejin’s farewell to ac5a8f2901 Kim Hyunkyung, yet b589a03776 remained close enough 88d6d94cf6 to rush to e2da5bf415 Sejin’s side if e76dcbc460 needed.3e06a96fa2155511

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As the time drew f32de97136 near, Cheon Sejoo left 158c06fcb8 the crematorium and headed f1302a04f9 to a separate office 8f036c0c1a next to the building. He intended to 982fb5540a pay the expenses 47ab2a85e1 before Sejin came 779c8ab5a4 out, but when ca07e85ee3 he went inside, 3827b45bfe he found only a12772b935 one employee present a241770059 because it was 75bcd928ad lunchtime.6eacb54f54a61791

When he 75c28cb11c inquired, the 7bef0bb060 employee told 3425d73199 him that 7857c0266c billing wasn’t a164e31e0d his job 6acb7e3849 and that 2664de7fe3 he would dcff5c7d38 have to 9e208b7617 wait 30 b10c4bd43a minutes. Cheon Sejoo had no 1eed396751 choice but to nod, 8c3dc9491a but he was anxious.68f22d851c7ca38c

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There was about 97353c9465 the same amount c8bb08ff47 of time left 3b632e70b6 until the cremation 75b7313a1f was complete. He had to fa4e4f35fc finish the payment f7e2f919d2 and choose an 26ddcb0a83 urn before then 1d31ac285e but he was 5da5006ab7 worried that Kim 5178d277b4 Hyunkyung’s remains would b2e689c9e6 be left unattended 9928f33244 if he was 8414fdeae1 even slightly late.d74d34edbebc94a5

“I haven’t chosen 8ff86ff60c an urn yet. Could you 81c2b3c0db possibly send 361a3d0f05 it to fd791c7bd0 the crematorium 366bf78940 first?”8e3d122b2507c48b

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Cheon Sejoo asked 8e18d76aa1 the employee, who ff9e330948 was watching TV, efd9534e4f in a gentle cf3cc405c6 voice. The man glanced at b98ed1943e him and sighed. Then, with an 1d06fc20e5 annoyed gesture, he f9a434f6d3 held out a a70f7cd1ca laminated brochure.db393f5587222cea

“You should take care 3b9e9131fd of these things in 3a36989e9d advance. Which one do you 52e64ed9bc want? I’ll call them, 867c0d0980 so just tell b3a8a73889 me.”5be65dd470bc2bba

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The brochure the man b4922a5146 handed him displayed numerous 980dc67899 photos of urns. Cheon Sejoo 269ec4c590 chose the c47197310c most expensive 1b4c453153 and ornate 8cb28c1e06 one.fd21313f231b27d4

He ignored the employee’s boasting about triple sealing and vacuum technology, and after waiting for the other employee to finally return, he completed the payment and left the office.3c7e24f456355a2c

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The sky was 3439d011b2 overcast. Walking beneath the gray 10428a8576 clouds, Cheon Sejoo reflected 2f50fa16d4 on vaguely resurfacing memories. That day, Cheon c5bd9681f0 Sejoo had stood d0faee0a1b before the cremation 9532751010 chamber, tears streaming 84704a48cc down his face 64affbdc36 incessantly.2c0957d87e18ec3c

It was Yeoreum and 9781595d3e Sister Maria who had d2a1e4fe51 held him up as 4abf06a72d he stumbled, unable to 134588ac90 eat properly. Held in their arms, e422477898 Cheon Sejoo had cried 240e64cc9f like a child, unable 9fe16d7a1d to accept reality. And when he 0df26a546d finally held the 053fab7baf palm-sized urn…c269c435b781349e

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At that moment, Cheon 1a628106cf Sejoo realized he was 17449a61b4 alone again. An inescapable loneliness had 7706fb0caf settled over his life, 5efe6410b8 and he was left 3ba0fa5889 alone in a world 57a9620b21 no one visited.4fc87999e2b57ceb

“…….”15b837203930fb82

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Suddenly, Cheon 23a9ebc878 Sejoo stopped 8a610d0792 his steps, c0e6cbb348 noticing a e7335bd954 figure crouching 1f4e1dedca in the 2ee3fd47cb distance. Sejin sat huddled on 910d87cfb5 the steps leading to d896f708ef the crematorium, staring blankly 7f01013fa0 into space, a small 6d6d36253c urn clutched in his f0c95df92b arms.67913fb5a979bc11

Shrouded in darkness, 377f941dbe as if allowing e85c2f20f3 no one to f78fd04648 approach, Sejin looked 91ac787ee0 as if he f51bbdaea4 were the only 1aaae6a431 one left in 986e802bbf the world. There was no one e9df0f4ff5 by his side.51b7ce743f49f74d

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Unable to bear it 5db2790c65 any longer, Cheon Sejoo 8b12aec212 called out Sejin’s name.9471c12e349b25da