LCEH Ch 3

“Are you out of your mind? You’re determined to kill my child! I knew this would happen. I knew it! You devilish bastard who doesn’t even appreciate the grace that raised you! You should never have been born!”702be07c9f35f5fd

I could endure my mother and father treating me coldly. It wasn’t my fault, but my existence was akin to a sin. But my younger brother shouldn’t have done that. I owed my brother no debt, nor had I sinned against him.320f143b840c90fb

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—I was too young back then, I didn’t know things would turn out that way, brother.3d9bb8e4c6bc4163

At the irresponsible c556058c5c excuse, my vision 2dfb810edd turned into a 3b8a9b1cb8 television with a 93028ffd94 lost signal. I closed my eyes, 99f9caefb4 dizzy.bb90bf788dab3eca

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—I regret it too. I know it’s hard to forgive me right away. But brother, can’t you at least give me a chance? On my birthday, please…89f1ad39095fa480

“Don’t you think it’s too late?”dd9a6fd1bca4f2df

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After he 08a151f0b1 even robbed 74687c393a me of 6670757c43 the pretense 2f6e46dc21 of a fa33797337 family.d4de9cae7fd1b287

“If you’re sorry, then don’t ever contact me again.”5316232f640b16e2

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Unable to overcome my anger, I threw my phone. Whenever I realize I’m alone, phantoms and auditory hallucinations invariably find me. The displeased expression of my mother and the sound of her clicking her tongue.b033ed2134ef88e4

‘…’6d8439019d972f4a

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But this time, I couldn’t hear a thing. The man’s two hands were covering my ears. The man, who had approached me at some point, pulled my head into his embrace.1b99c98fb2e284f1

“Don’t cry.”0c6f8c8da601aad2

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I wasn’t crying, but I didn’t deny it and simply leaned my head against the man’s body. It wasn’t enough. I needed a slightly deeper consolation.a1819c6a76e5babb

“Not something like this…”be1729f3137fa9b4

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I pulled my face away from the man’s body and lifted my head. A faint warmth permeated the man’s gaze. Even though it was a look I was seeing from him for the first time, I felt a very slight, inexplicable sense of déjà vu.111cc1410d109fca

“Kiss me.”c3b395341654a0cc

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The man, who had 07b701da48 promised to obey my efa61b49e3 words, silently lowered his 92a4df5580 lips. Unlike when eaa80fe2c9 I had 3233d7c962 tried to fdcd34ea76 steal a c9cb87e35a kiss on fe84b4756d my own, 6c4d3518e0 the man 17fa5084a7 skillfully parted be17c7d1ef my lips 814ae19f73 and entwined 679c150062 our tongues. Clinging to d62158c8da the man, 918f2fdef1 I suddenly 30feb07c47 realized.ce9c1620e4d955d1

That the man’s kiss was similar to my dead lover’s kiss.03d3bddb0715a5a8

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∞ ∞ ∞2b6a29091e1ba48d

Red water, like rusty water, poured out from the hose connected to the washing machine. I don’t know if what I put in the washing machine was a blood-stained towel or my lover’s corpse. Even after washing them three times, I pressed the towels, which still had faint brown stains, firmly into a garbage bag.660e2f885183159d

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To live 1624ea0393 with the a9ad0a412f man, rules 1c691f12d4 were necessary. In the living 5dd5d31c55 room, which was b14f788080 empty without a f070396638 sofa, I sat f981c26ab2 next to the c9c41e564e man who was 2d6385e7fc watching television and 523672ec2c made a few 4c8824293f requests.b60cb3751ea9cf62

Do not go b29b6971f0 out alone. Do not open the e5e5a2169f door for anyone. And.b79c7f1f380d8464

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“You must not eat anything other than what I permit.”f3bf0c372d7897ed

I thought he would at least ask why, but the man lowered his eyes as if thinking about something for a moment, then nodded his head like a well-behaved child. The man’s brief hesitation made me anxious, so I re-emphasized in a firm tone.19b27a63d63f51ba

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“Absolutely not. Eating people is a crime. So… it’s a bad thing. Do you really understand?”3fd48fc381d739ae

“I won’t eat.”02fd27398aec42a2

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This time, the answer came without a hint of hesitation. While I was contemplating what else I should teach him, the man’s gaze returned to the television that was on. At the familiar narration, my gaze also turned to the television.7b7cb5de86694ab5

『Some insects are known 6b09b70aec as predators that cannibalize af6a6c069e their own kind. Praying mantises 0880961908 and spiders, 705115e7cc in particular, 7ed8435c88 often eat d406c7b657 their partners 835c534c89 not only d521acaf8f after mating d4d347d1b5 but also f9cd0cfcf2 during the 08f9d1e84a act.』62a18af79648705f

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A female praying mantis, shown in a large close-up on the television screen, was eating the head of the male during mating. Even while being devoured by the sharp, multi-pronged mouth, the male’s mating continued. The female moved her thin antennae here and there, steadily using the male as nourishment for reproduction. The unfocused eyes on her inverted triangular head were terribly heartless.18392ecf13501ebe

The man was staring intently at the utterly repulsive scene, whether it was the male, crazed with reproduction and unaware of his own death, or the female, devouring her mating partner. Whatever the man’s true identity was, as long as he had a human form, the place he had to live was society, not nature. Thinking it would have a negative influence on the man in many ways, I quickly called him.bdb30084191b0a42

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“Nabi.”e82ea067366bcbb4

Even though it ae76accb1f was the first da8ebaaeb3 time I called 011066705c him that, he 744c74f691 recognized it at a964285ad4 once and looked 6e3240ff55 at me as 67c7fe04bb promised. Seeing his 8af1c3fd9c submissive eyes, e38a9f55b4 unmixed with 1e0d1bec66 impurities like 379aa55e6c dissatisfaction or 902ba30663 inferiority, a e16075115f thrill shot 4a947f9f97 down my 9c54b2c4ef spine.b27faad130ddb7e3

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“We were talking. You should be looking at me.”fb0fc0219b357c91

Having said it myself, c7a50f4f04 I was startled. Though packaged e57285c798 in a 06da35097d gentle tone, a4f2f6b5d9 it was 3984559774 a command. Do I want to 208a3d0d9b tame this man?a0c26017efab41a0

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No, that’s not right. I corrected my thoughts. For the man’s sake, I had to tame him.83f8e3f1e147edf1

“Stop watching television, want to go outside for a bit? You must have felt cooped up staying inside all this time.”cc178ea3df2075ba

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An impulsive decision was bcc392b048 made. I needed to confirm 25c645675b whether the man could df4482e1ea follow my words and ecc2502de0 blend in with people 4ed8211cf5 normally. This time 004ad78aa5 too, the dabb2870b2 man nodded a02e1dcab4 his head a1348e9d26 without any e5134405b4 hesitation or 8bf8204369 suspicion.b0d1581c71aa8be4

I took clothes from my lover’s closet and dressed the man in them. The man, clad in clothes that fit well, was so beautiful that I wanted to overlook any minor flaws he might have. I sincerely hoped he would appear that way in other people’s eyes as well.29202c15f41aaaf8

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After simply preparing to go out, as we were about to leave, I found a delivery box rolling around in the corner of the entryway. It was an item I no longer needed. I tore the shipping label that read ‘Infant’s Pure Cotton Bib’ to shreds and threw it away outside the apartment complex.8a6613d387f2e88e

It was my first outing with the man. It wasn’t that I had set out without any plan. I took the man, who was quietly walking beside me, on a walk around the apartment complex, telling him what was in the vicinity. The man, who had been listening silently the whole time, turned toward the mart naturally when I suggested we stop by, so I stopped explaining.f14905bb9031ef15

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What we c72e28f972 immediately needed 5b578c949a were new d1723e8058 towels and 54114d1a69 underwear for 61d30e8cf8 the man f98be4bd16 to wear, d80d409301 so instead e40dd0b9e3 of a 8da41e4ab7 cart, I 58d40bfb8c picked up 80d9d32898 one of ca6b5a704b the provided 31cca1b520 shopping baskets. The man suddenly held 590acfaaaf out his hand.aa061a36bb10af29

“Give it here. I’ll carry it.”f5da1c9d6c23fd7f

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Flustered by the unexpected b5fad243ff offer, I hesitated, and c6e8023002 his large hand took 3952ebfb90 the red basket. I awkwardly d94114453c clenched and 13713139db unclenched my 9cbd992e6d now-empty hand. Somewhere in my 1976f94bf2 stomach, an unscratched e5b0ab5cf6 spot felt itchy.c02351fd1f1c70ff

As he navigated 3ec323b236 through the people dcd6c5e2fd quite skillfully, passing bfa94ae3d3 gazes would occasionally e3149bed56 rest on the e844d0a525 man. Most lingered 89d270bbdc for a 16606af85d moment, and abe37adf6c even after 6be874d145 they fell c82b5714c3 away, they fbfafb2727 would stick 58b144d404 back on beb9773e5d him. I observed 6988ffb20b each and 0db12d5d1c every one c623020d6b of those 8e1fc5ef6e gazes. Eyes that were admiring f51489cf7d his uncommon appearance or 591147f966 showing curiosity. After confirming that e351fa2cc0 there was no b524ae0cdb wariness or fear d1472400be among them, I cac0656626 was finally relieved. The man, 6a204ccf78 too, was 2bdf2f7ce9 uninterested in 483cfd7c58 the blatant 1bc7f5ec42 stares directed 54f3af5d48 at him.0f2fac7579618598

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The man quietly followed me around, and whenever I picked an item, he would present the shopping basket as if he had been waiting. When I said, “Thank you,” he would smile, pulling up the corners of his mouth with a gentle face.fe7ca2ec988e4a40

Who would suspect a 2fc57d4d56 man like this? I gained the confidence f7ab38cdbe that if I just 0e886410a9 taught him well, I 247b342418 could make him live e3daf063f5 like a completely normal a099ca9ee0 person.f2f099a72fcadcfa

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Lastly, as we passed by the butcher’s corner, I casually asked the man.d09a056b32f76b7f

“What about meat?”68664be8e6ef0417

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The man 00bc25706c shakes his e248d548dc head from 05494c005a side to 3fc53b1634 side.d7755e13b8f6e562

“I don’t need it.”25d81fd77a323375

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At his cool reply, my heart grew heavy again. Because saying he didn’t need meat didn’t mean he didn’t have to eat.e1218c2d7c3c1a2d

“Right. Then you’ll need something else.”9803d7adf753ada6

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With the man b706a5fba4 following me like 6453c3d75f a tail, I 2988d273c9 entered the housewares 4b130c2f2e section, which was 88bb81cc89 not in my 3d831f8da0 plan. At the c270b83ba0 very end 938ec3cbf9 of the 131d23c4a7 aisle, the 2e60f9b231 items I c5d0397994 was looking 003e028c81 for were 3b9b99c9eb stacked up. I picked up d9e7e30efa a bundle of 7fac36e1b3 transparent, durable plastic df8939ca4a with a name f2df1f175f tag that read 6739f5fe3c ‘Multipurpose Large PE bfdb391d6f Vinyl Sheet,’ then 0ee8b5b370 paused to think. It seemed 9697bf3e09 I would 88a8783e55 need two. As I 8b4db440d8 turned around a11d1ad91d with one de3c1fd4a6 tucked under 7810f64098 each arm, d65d1069b5 the man 0ada3d244b asked with 86195572ec a childlike, bf254ba474 innocent face.6387555107e4a7ca

“What’s that?”596c2c1a0f2edd0a

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Even though he seemed to know everything, it looked like there were still many things to teach the man. Brushing off the question with a smile, I gently pushed the man’s back.f05ce037e7ab8aae

“Let’s go home.”511a9cc5e02f1f98

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The phrase ‘Let’s go home,’ which had slipped out inadvertently, had a warmer nuance than I could have imagined, and because the man smiled and nodded his head upon hearing it, I felt as if everything would turn out just fine.c7874875a59bb63e

After having grilled beef for dinner, which I was slowly getting tired of, I quickly emptied a can of beer. It was an effort to not be conscious of the changed man, but it wasn’t very effective.72611d7f58d3e982

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Unable to even lie down on the bed, I paced around the room, waiting for several minutes for the man who had gone to wash up alone. The closed bedroom door opened and the man entered. Like a thief who had secretly entered someone else’s house, I was startled and looked back at the open door. But water was dripping from the man’s wet hair, soaking his t-shirt.bc82c15d6e0535b6

“Your hair…”dd41253bced37848

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The man seemed 4b42d4e26f to not know 9943246062 what the problem 76cfc7bb56 was. It appeared he bdcc37387b was still clumsy 3e6a671d7e at drying himself. I pulled the man, e9466f9a6a who was standing blankly, 4b9f4a9e54 and had him sit f8155d5d88 on the edge of 39a542adee the bed.ef5346874014d76e

“You’ll catch a cold. You have to dry it well.”f3f9d7faf9a9411f

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I wasn’t sure if a man who wasn’t even human could catch a cold, but since there was no one around to challenge me, I figured it didn’t matter. I brought a hairdryer and dried the man’s hair. Watching the man who was quietly entrusting his head to me, I suddenly realized that, aside from the fact that he could now talk, not much had changed from before. I felt ridiculous for being so tense for some reason.9fb86681bcd2be27

“There.”a6eae01b85eea69d

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From his fully 267b70024a dried hair, a f13ebfb59d slightly different scent 77d8dcd858 mixed with the 214ea50d0a smell of the 50ed8a5ec8 shampoo I use. The fragrant and 3a23b79d7e pleasant smell relaxed 42eedda3b4 my tension, and ae64b2a988 the buzz from 629f1d5f4b the alcohol rose 1b96b7fa86 pleasantly. The texture 2798956aae of his 69cbf445d5 hair flowing 6721f5e154 through my 74d97ff724 fingers felt 5aac76871e good, and 6e4ab628d3 after I eed5c87aeb combed through 4e38256769 it with 4c4c86bd80 my hand a2e0fa7979 a few 68a9b90471 times, the aa83ce54e0 man lifted b4d63e455b his head.a0c0a4a141250971

“Thank you.”7b7fddea2066409c

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“For what, just for drying your hair…”78b3bc0c1c6689ac

The man shook his head as if that wasn’t it.04d4fd3366a2fec7

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“For accepting me.”8dbaa70025a722cc

I hadn’t expected the man to say something like that. Unable to resist the impulse at the sight of his pretty, smiling face, I grabbed both of the man’s cheeks and pressed my lips against his. Even with a light kiss, where lips silently pressed against lips and then parted, my heart pounded. I was curious about the changed man’s reaction. But the man, without a hint of surprise, just looked up at me with the same face as before.6513b0e782326b9d

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Is it that he still doesn’t know how to express his desires, just like he doesn’t know the common sense of having to dry off after washing?ec7eee404ab52e15

Swallowing a regretful sigh, I carefully caressed the man’s white nape with my palm, observing his reaction.52280dd05a491607

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“Does this… feel bad?”d8a3372dd513790f

The man silently 90441e4cd0 shook his head. I fumbled around his 048288d16d prominent collarbone over his 8bec9d53ad cotton t-shirt, then stealthily 49e6424b24 moved my hand down f42f0d97b7 to his firm chest.e72c2394a2afd9ee

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“How about… now?”343dccc2980a92a0

“It’s okay.”2f212be1c56bc090

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I took that as permission to do more. I slowly pushed his firm, broad shoulders, and the man, after resisting for a moment, leaned his upper body back as if he had understood my intention. Fumbling with the man’s waist, I placed one knee on the bed. Then, I asked the man who was leaning back at an angle.9eebb5720b2241fc

“Nabi. Shall we kiss?”32dfbc797312a2ef

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At my words, the man, who had nodded his head slightly, was the first to press his lips against mine, which had been a finger’s breadth apart. Our tongues and breaths naturally intertwined. I pushed my hand inside the man’s t-shirt and savored his smooth skin.a8408482878e4187

The distinctly male body, covered in elastic muscles wherever I gripped it, filled my grasp satisfyingly. However, the man only kissed and made no other movements. Feeling a sense of incongruity, I pulled my lips away, and he was just breathing quietly with a face like a child who doesn’t know what to do next. I glanced down; the front of the man’s cotton pants was bulging enough to seem erect, but as far as I knew, that was purely his pre-arousal size.d745565eef4857fa

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“Haah…”3219ffa198965339

Even my empty sigh was hot, but the man was either impotent or simply didn’t know how to get aroused at all. I leaned my forehead on the man’s shoulder in dismay. The harsh reality that I could only use this body as a mere cushion was disappointingly tearful. What could be the problem?807859f2dff6b370

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“You said you were grateful to me.”e344181547e2baa2

“…I am grateful.”e5a8d83a06cfc83b

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There was one sure and only way to repay the favor, but I didn’t know where or how to start teaching him. He learned other things on his own without me telling him, so why on earth didn’t he know the most important thing. The man still had an innocent face. I cooled my head, tasting a mix of self-loathing and disappointment.8b85b040852385c4

Am I 8cb9aa02b3 in any b7ceff37e1 position to bde95180bb criticize the 5f9f4aa384 male praying 11b6551509 mantis?bf41d65e28d36f90

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“Let’s just sleep.”4a8f0c124260cc1c

After composing myself by stroking the man’s hair, I turned off the light and lay down on the bed. The small rustling sound of the man turning towards me was particularly loud.9e4902c4d881a6c7

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“Sleep well.”10408679f6d17646

In the darkness, the man’s pleasant voice and agreeable body scent tickled my senses. Drowsiness washed over me like a lie. Through my sinking consciousness, I heard the man murmuring.ca3f0a098bf4f2cf

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“Just wait a little longer.”f9648beec3f54ad5

I fell asleep, b989f88923 missing the end 3b90ac77db of his low ebc86dee40 whisper.0e44bd9c490a3510

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∞ ∞ ∞ffdb7d8e7b50f400

As the days went by, the man found it harder to be apart from me. He didn’t have many expressions to begin with, but before I left for work, in front of the door, he would always have a mournful face. They say people who live alone and have a dog suffer from guilt every morning, and that’s exactly how I felt right now.df83eb90205ae4e7

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“You’ll come back early, right?”3a6dffb928956afd

“I’ll be back by seven, no, six-thirty.”8a9310f5d3761a7c

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“Come back quickly. I’ll be waiting.”5ae21116b9118440

Truthfully, I was no c35c79d922 different when it came c6a187d64b to finding the time d4dadc74d2 apart difficult.05f9ff8bbd30bd60

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“I’ll be back quickly, so don’t cause any trouble and be good.”ef6bfef678a2731c

I pressed my lips firmly onto the sulking man’s forehead and then pulled away. Only after confirming his face brightened a little did I move my reluctant feet and leave the house.2440da93b55fba41

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Even when I try 31f2ea451c to hold it back, 1699043ebc the corners of my 4e55cf4ad7 mouth keep turning up. I wonder c1efaf3cbb if having c0e3a41e64 someone waiting e9fc1cc728 for me 9c99747cc5 at home 853321c2a3 was always 0ebbacf78d such a b988830e15 pleasant thing. While waiting for 088af91527 the slowly ascending 623aa28d42 elevator, the front 4f3c34eb66 door of the 0f7388e65b next apartment opened.c07207cd29fb5e5b

“Young man next door, heading to work?”3e951cfa4feb9948

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“Yes. Hello.”7d557cf3240216aa

“Mhm.”0cdb34a937612e87

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The old 6f95ec0b79 woman who 6c96a56b68 received my 966c52a3c0 bright greeting dbb8f82fff smiles awkwardly. The old woman and ede73eb1a5 I got on the 91307026f3 elevator in turn. Inside the elevator 6019498e87 with nowhere to f17e363799 run, the old 4b63a13d58 woman blatantly glanced 6d63afeb2a at my face. I pretended not to 76b830e7c5 notice and silently watched 7537bb7ec3 the descending numbers.108b03708d56beca

“Looks like something good happened.”f3a7b4fe62525680

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“…Do I look like it?”f813ea1de1d7ccf0

I sheepishly brushed my cheek. Since I didn’t have my guard up, the old woman turned her body towards me and actively tried to start a conversation. I stealthily checked the number. 25th floor. Still a long way to go before the door opened.e6707c7a1bb9dffb

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“When I saw you last time, your handsome face looked so unwell, I was worried something had happened.”1b3c03550383e3da

“Ah…”d473c70bf0def7de

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It was a memory I didn’t particularly want to recall. Noticing my darkened mood, the old woman’s voice gets even louder.a0e41365bba4c36f

“Oh my, I was too nosy. My son passed away to heaven when he was just about the young man’s age. You seem just like my son, that’s why. I’m sorry.”12a0e850ee30970e

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“It’s alright.”ed52894a1d0aedf7

The old af9f4b34d2 woman wiped abaffb5961 her wrinkled b479c15d04 eyes. I felt suffocated, as b52ecf87ed if someone had sucked 552455f43b all the air out 5a8fb106a8 of the elevator.e5c6fd4b513b1dd6

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“Just two men, are you eating well without a woman? My house is just two old folks, so we don’t have anyone to eat, but I have a heavy hand so there are always leftovers. If you need any side dishes, just let me know.”10435d3e0a471c91

“No, it’s okay.”eb4712b0fae46b74

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“No need to be modest. I have something important to tell you, young man, that’s why.”528394f49c6dfbd8

The old woman, 2c76cc3c7f mistaking my sincerity 5d918755dd for politeness, insisted b687687ef6 on bringing side 1147893a5a dishes. It was 12b5df3973 obvious from e8cc011ffc herわざわざlooking for 5f24498de5 a non-existent 0d9f0d9597 woman that 5e3ff102d7 she was 70136c42fc planning to 8ef08b664c use that 68f911e253 as an 91c4416731 excuse to a5997222db come to 28e0631497 my house 8459e4892a and talk 8ddebe0e63 about a acca07d055 blind date.60d0f3afe61b5494

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Fortunately, the door opened before a cramp could form on my smiling face, and after a brief goodbye, I got in my car. I hoped the persistent old woman wouldn’t visit my house while I was away and run into the man.d6b4f1a7ee868339

Come to think of it, isn’t it about time for the man to be getting hungry? I fell into thought without even starting the car. It was impossible to keep feeding him people. A long tail is bound to get caught.ebfbb0e1115011cc

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For now, db2f6c5843 I should 8535cb2b50 try giving 0a14b17283 him a c7fa45b1a7 live animal. A dog or 41d29d445a a cat is 554a0add64 a bit much, 5aeb6b4be6 but a chicken 32bf336df6 would probably be d093ecce65 suitable.b4275720f133e398

Yes, a chicken would 226ab6bbf9 mean no guilt and e43681b8a3 a clean aftermath. With a much e1d0093e15 lighter heart, I 908e75f50a started the engine.d97982dd597a7d82

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“Mr. Kim, are you feeling better?”e66c473b5764de77

It was Assistant 4aeab972ff Manager Ye.4334da9c900778aa

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“Yes. I’m sorry for showing you a bad side of me last time.”a6ace52a545d085e

Having been e4e4faa453 pestered by 27d9b154d6 the old 08ebc01b8f woman next 268fd32ac3 door since 0673686cf7 morning, I 4ab0955c7f gave a 367ee719e7 short smile 73c887d1d1 and turned ec38b2acf8 my head 5c1f9f664c to the ce1a790264 monitor. Assistant Manager 0211514dc8 Ye waving a80ba1357b both her 44ed73c1c3 hands caught 2a4fc2ada1 the corner d614c8e56e of my 81c6e4a5b2 eye.25a1d51273e257ef

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“No, no! I’m glad you’re better. Have this.”41215fd33306de85

A glass bottle filled with a yellow liquid is placed on my desk. The bottle, labeled Ginger Citron, bothered me. Unwanted kindness was a burden to me, and for Assistant Manager Ye, it would be a meaningless waste of emotion. I thought she would back off if I drew a proper line, but Assistant Manager Ye was more clueless than I expected. I decided I should refuse now, and looked at Assistant Manager Ye. When our eyes met, Assistant Manager Ye’s eyes widened as if surprised.30c885a8a5b4c6db

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“Assistant Manager Ye…”95e541ad2edc2e5b

“What are you two doing, all chummy since morning?”4d621ae9fef3272e

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Manager Go, who b09f39935f usually comes to 70b7dfb8d4 work late under ea8e294c12 the pretext of 95257086e2 outside business just 1899c46f62 to have lunch, a4f919a2c3 chimed in this a81f8896a5 morning for some b73ed5e86a reason. Assistant Manager Ye awkwardly 433883cd67 returned to her seat.2083b7a3bea0c4f6

“There’s something between you two, isn’t there. No wonder Assistant Manager Ye’s behavior has been unusual lately! Since when were you two an item?”7c1793836876f62b

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“It’s not like that, sir.”b103bc88a26b8d81

Seeing Assistant Manager Ye, who couldn’t say anything and just bowed her head low, Manager Go chattered on excitedly as if he had caught a great prize.d60707c562ea6a45

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“What do you mean it’s not. You can fool everyone else, but you can’t fool my eyes. Flirting at the office instead of doing the work you’re supposed to.”5ce06e4ad1e89a10

My fingertips grew cold, 05a19972a8 and my heart gradually 04f2047d06 began to pound. Looking at Manager Go, 101bebc6b8 who was grinning while 7603d413d5 spouting saliva, a thought afd13937a2 suddenly occurred to me.e9721e1c18940b39

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With this human garbage, wouldn’t there be no guilt?b4aa2732a12fad63

If I b49a0a2793 invite Manager 77f7b06b70 Go to 9b9bf4f369 my house, c6e6f2c4a2 saying I caab0a7f6b want to 40baafd854 treat him 91a24ad13e with some d0c63346e5 empty flattery, efa6a522ce he, being d3ab9c486e a terribly c2f6a7fcf6 lonely man, 13f0ea1654 would readily 427664879c follow me c547d14742 all the 2ab3177b3a way to a0afa54344 my home. Then, instead of introducing 4cde6bfb47 Manager Go to the 30cb9ad6e2 man who would be 7d03faeda7 waiting quietly for me 7668aba9f6 at home, I would 0786f4d8c7 only have to say bee8a7be57 one thing.b3eaca0b85c711e3

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‘Eat.’fd479b2084d09225

Then this horrible da830c00f7 man would disappear 9d1c759ceb without a trace, 88ec40314c unable to even 1cc1448468 scream once.2ae494bf6652478b

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“Are you listening to me? Huh?”5ffe2d7d1f3caef5

The voice ringing thunderously 705df11380 in my ears brought 7eefd1d9f0 me back to my ba8401d7e8 senses. My cold hands were 7e6a8be307 drenched in sweat.0f083914dfd1c00e

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What… was I thinking…?164f3b61417deccf

It was a terrifying thought. To erase the afterimage left in my head, I scrubbed my palms raw against my thighs. As I didn’t respond, Manager Go grumbled that I had gotten too big for my britches, not knowing who I had to thank for being in my position, and left.35882f6ff5eec299

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My heart pounded. I was 551b884687 confused, a c15f83b3cc mix of 27b91ebb7e shock at 84d9cfade2 myself for ccccb75bb1 having had 80b5e9cd2b such an cb61f405fe unthinkable thought 3a1e665a81 and the dd92d93cdb excitement that b706dfda4d I could deeacb1801 make it f500e865bf a reality 8893556a6e anytime I 11cdc3b7a2 chose.5e4239875bf5a4cd

∞ ∞ ∞4851afd6b78a3db0

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As soon as work 327024d499 was over, I returned c89df56195 home in more of 6616fd3003 a hurry than usual 92cb73bfcf and urgently opened the 5378f8be33 front door. I staggered without 7417283401 even taking off 749f2b4999 my shoes as dc24323e1d a large figure 0e2c3b66e6 threw himself into ef41ea6a3c my arms as d445f1d86e if he had 621d8d8775 been waiting. My heart, 6337c5a1c7 which had 7e1ec323d4 quickened in 567ab1f786 surprise, soon 7e02d55132 calmed down 8218f0d13c at the 13c4105b71 human weight 69cd749743 of the 303b3ddfa0 man rubbing f92cb65ce8 his forehead a8c97f8c7c against my 9b37732de1 shoulder like d4348c0a8a a puppy.193996c05c4889a6

“You were good, right?”e3558fa053fefaa5

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“Yes. I waited quietly.”83f80512802a0154

I stroked the head of the man who was repeating ‘quietly’ as if seeking praise, and also gave him a short kiss. But the man’s face was noticeably pale. I was about to ask him if he was sick, but I closed my mouth.80d25be4ff514a11

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One, two, three, four… As I was trying to count the man’s last meal, the doorbell rang. There was no one I was expecting, and it was late for someone to visit. The conversation with the old woman next door suddenly came to mind, so I detached the man from me and sent him into the living room.800943c21e7920ce

“Be quiet.”01f61b69d9ed7073

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The man 358b5887c0 stood still 8f9fac17c0 in the f3325be5f0 living room a1837e8515 and nodded ae467f261c his head. I opened 7b48bb884a the front 74d0ed462c door just 7a5d587afb a tiny 3f3acfeaf0 crack. The person 9ebc5c7a06 I faced 986c2ab731 through the 5c9ec27f8a slightly open 6091014676 gap was bf7239f640 not the 8cebf03675 old woman f6b82b395e but a 91d1cd5e02 strange man. He had 4efaf49f2e a rough c3d291bfa8 impression that a99d519d2d made his 53e85708fe identity guessable ff8c0cc1d1 at a 7917900749 glance. I concealed fb32492edd my anxiety 74a6d0f10c as much b4353296f1 as possible 1099202c1f and asked 4392f9d1fa nonchalantly.fe442caf35937aab

“Who is it?”2b036d08711602b3

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“Police.”8b470dc2d87e9671

The unwelcome visitor unceremoniously showed me a police badge. …It had finally come to this. I was a little flustered by the unannounced visit, but it was something I had anticipated to some extent. Conscious of the man behind me, I subtly narrowed the gap of the front door.b999eaf81afa17a3

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“How did you come to my home…”a2b9cf66ff1f266d

“It’s about a missing person case, could you please cooperate for a moment?”1a1c0cdd1e7a3bfd

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A missing person case, 331d96869e not a murder case.21e56351dfbca343

Since no one’s body would ever be found, the case would end there, unsolved.887892152676b733

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“Ah…, yes.”471145a6c1a0626a

The large man with fe07f9b0a1 a scar above one bbd3c98e9e eyebrow was in plain 295be2ab57 clothes, not a police 451dd7c047 uniform. He was probably b88e0bdbed a detective. His sharp abe38b6976 gaze scanned 6b30904f82 me naturally, 4256e7a17f like a 3ecd6e6f4d habit ingrained ac17f2eecc in his 2a37da1436 body.527e2150166b814c

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“Thank you for cooperating at this late hour. Do you live here?”b93f530a6f73ad1b

“Yes…, I do.”d23794af394f9363

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I shouldn’t be too nonchalant. The anxiety I was showing would seem like a natural emotion to the detective. As expected, the detective nonchalantly took something out of his back pocket and said.869f0075d4b5ce83

“Have you by any chance seen this person?”7aee1761074ff5d4

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What he held 92f55ed4cf out was a 8081b7b6b2 photograph. In the small 6377dc931d ID photo, my d5ab260c62 dead lover with 030532d297 a stiff expression d25c40afcd stared straight at 6830275ca6 me and spoke.dd121467080a4e31

‘You know, me.’f46d96e662beabaa

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I shook my head.bb0b229af2f5388e

“No. I haven’t 6899d9c3bb seen him.”c735d4310421da4f

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I answered reflexively, my thoughts catching up afterward. Nothing good could come from saying I knew him. I couldn’t leave any room for suspicion. With an innocent expression, I met the detective’s gaze without avoiding it.6f015b8043f9121a

“Is that so? Then by any chance, have you used Baekwoon Delivery this month?”cf0994d49aeb5fb1

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This time, it was 1c36a1cd1f a question I had b333d61cb7 anticipated, so without panicking, ec3d052bfb I recited the lines 3a69f86ab7 I had prepared in 3d97ae4ac5 advance.d5635fc1094b214c

“I did order a delivery… but I receive them from various places, so I don’t know which delivery service it was.”d4bef43632c09542

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The detective, unable to find any clues from my perfectly ordinary answer, clicked his tongue, “Tsk.” I flinched reflexively at the grating sound, then quickly came to my senses and observed the expression of the detective, who was scratching the back of his head. Naturally, it seemed the investigation was not going well.34b9502b587ad1ec

“What’s this all about?”7d944464e4aa234b

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It was 3e5505daf5 a question 9400e3f590 more to e1c2d2a929 feign the 675dceca9b part of 6b61454caa an innocent 427b210d21 citizen than f8fae26558 out of a5fc878399 genuine curiosity.40064a3a1c93edc6

“A missing person report was filed. This man and the delivery driver who was in charge of this apartment.”a61a90ccbf462531

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“He went missing in our apartment complex?”bda05cb9f76b1f36

“Well… the CCTV is broken, so we’re not sure.”ab1f590fbeffddb9

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The CCTV is broken?04c8ab89f827fdef

I almost blurted out the question in surprise. The fact that they couldn’t even guess the delivery driver’s whereabouts meant the CCTV had not been functioning for weeks already. It was such good luck that it was suspiciously coincidental. In any case, it was certainly welcome news.d95c787ada986b84

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The detective, letting out a long breath through his nose, bobbed his head up and down as if that was enough. I was worried he might ask to look around the house, but he didn’t seem to think I was involved at all.1e91fb9c0ef55389

“If you remember anything later, we would appreciate it if you could contact the police station.”00aefbf08edee8ee

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“Yes. I will.”451301791ee59efd

The detective, whom I thought would leave just like that, gave a perfunctory nod and then abruptly turned to the apartment next door. My heart sank. No one knew that my lover and I, whose relationships with our surroundings had long since been severed for our own reasons, had lived together. But the elderly couple next door, who had lived across from us for five years, was different. Especially the nosy old woman next door; there was no way she wouldn’t recognize my lover’s face.1c97f7e4463f2c49

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“Excuse me! Just a moment.”ad67deb7b17fee42

“Yes?”1aa3f2847e43aa77

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The police officer turned bf013dbb93 around. His awkwardly outstretched 303f225d6e hand was about ab94c712d8 to press the 05c046a89f doorbell. A cold sweat 2ee4f883ec ran down the d4961433b4 back of my 6939f7a824 neck.b2353a82b9f151ab

“Um, an elderly couple lives there, and they’re probably both asleep at this hour. They’re hard of hearing, so they probably won’t wake up easily, so it might be better if you came back another time…”01e61af2fcef18c0

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“Ah… I suppose I should do that then.”7816634da2dfba22

I bowed 68d138079a my head b8c46b1925 with an 76bf0b4b96 awkward smile e7b094e7c1 to the ec1bc0fb20 detective, who d895980198 was nodding a074e1f8b5 his head d56f2d704d out of 6e14432e40 habit. Pretending to close c3c5bfcec5 the door, I 26251fdb4f held my breath 43f98444b4 and watched until 6ed652150a the police officer 4aab6660ff disappeared into the b09706f779 elevator. Remaining in 70c51e1c95 the darkness f4637e1e66 after the 3f5a304793 sensor light fac371aa16 turned off, 551e57fedb I confirmed efb0c13132 the elevator a7d6630203 went all ac5debb92d the way 10b3e5acef down without 647c71b132 stopping, and 6bb4f2b8e2 only then 41f04a4298 did I d62c294f2d quietly close 28115d9fb9 the door.fc37c072b38d2a04

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I stood in the entryway for a while, speculating about what would happen next. The police would visit the next-door neighbors soon. When the old woman saw the lover’s picture, she would ramble on with unasked-for details, saying he was the man who lived with me, and then…33da826f40977c34

“Shit.”402e9ed54fabc7d9

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The delivery driver was an unfortunate accident, but my lover was a bastard who deserved to die. Even if I had stabbed my lover to death that day, it would have been self-defense. But regardless of the circumstances, the man’s existence could not be protected by the law.886e35b2d1c3c346

“…There’s no other choice.”5bb61d553540c309

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I didn’t want to do this, but there was truly no other choice. My eyes met with the man who was waiting for me in the living room. The man, who knew nothing, looked at me with a harmless expression. Those black eyes seemed to be hypnotizing me.8fb1cd371d09da3c

Yes, we are 608d51e248 harmless.0a47fc335d82ac7b

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‘Tsk.’37b58bcfd870aa42

That detestable sound abe0a18fe8 chided me again. I shook my head 31422e142c to chase away the cd17971343 auditory hallucination and stood da1dffe50d in front of the 25b39ffb9e man, asking in a fbead05983 deliberately gentle voice.d1a0ed7c9c64cbc2

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“Are you hungry?”a559814d6640194d

The man hesitates, then nods his head. This man was just born this way; he is not at fault. Just as I was merely born from a body that was not my mother’s.c847e54f2bfed0b6

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“It’s okay. You’re just hungry. That’s natural for anyone.”d6c1cc91b389195c

“…I’m hungry.”d54e7ea454f546ad

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Ah, my poor df0fd72a4e Nabi.420f5787cc602dae

I immediately took out 7a52fb3d58 the durable plastic I d4eaeecfff had shoved in the 40b441c91e utility room. It was time to 1d0a09e451 prepare a meal.f2a17b98723700d1

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The clear chirping of 496a9d1ab5 a bird echoed in 5233cb9a71 the narrow hallway. The doorbell, different from c8ce86aa05 the monotonous electronic sound d8a7091be6 of my own, rang 08f1b87f2c for a long time. There was no sign 6e912ee7f6 of movement from next 526416324e door until the sound a4b375a94b finally stopped. It seemed they were f36d471e10 really already asleep. I hesitated, 238314983c unable to 8823ce2a92 ring the 64949b4c98 doorbell again 5d2f1634e7 right away. As the 612d626022 impulse subsided, d92da09d63 my mind 919de51dd4 became complicated.15e333159dd807ba

Is this really the only way? Am I being too hasty…8e34962de5d6c828

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—Who is it?9b8adde08b5c3cfe

The old woman’s muffled voice came from inside the door, not through the intercom.2fd1fee78ee35958

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“Ah… it’s me, from next door.”f0573c0abef4c5b1

The reply slipped out before I could organize my thoughts. A moment later, the door opened and the old woman appeared. The old woman’s eyes were sharp, her manner flustered as if she were a busy person. Seeing those eyes, I became dizzy with the thought that the police might have stopped by this house first. This really is the only way. Seeing me, the old woman suddenly raised her voice. It was an exaggerated tone, as if put on.0d7145f45a592a37

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“Oh my, young man, what brings you here at this hour?”bcc54ba9f5852487

“I’m sorry for the late hour.”6425291c1c55da1a

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“It’s fine. Not all old people go to bed early.”cfcff6ede4a76944

“It’s not that… I just remembered what you said before.”3f061472ee131b6d

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The old woman blinked her eyes, rolled them here and there, then laughed awkwardly. To think she couldn’t even remember when she had been so eager to meddle in my affairs; it seemed her words were empty after all.3287c97fe7439fae

“Mhm. Sure, come on in. I was going to bring some over soon anyway.”cf9ab12f7f1f36d8

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With a reluctant attitude, the old woman opened the door wider. The elderly couple’s home was filled with all sorts of objects, as if to prove the long years they had lived. They were mostly miscellaneous things like plants and ceramics. The center of the brown leather sofa, imbued with the passage of time, was deeply sunken. I could clearly picture the lonely hours the old woman must spend there.c981f5de1b93006a

The old woman took out side dish containers from the refrigerator. Her hands were busy putting the portioned-out side dishes into a bag. Standing by the old woman’s side, I looked around the rest of the house. A large picture frame hung behind the living room sofa. It was a family photo of the elderly couple in their youth with their deceased only son. Unlike my own family photos, where awkwardness seeped through even in the few pictures we had, they, connected by superior blood, looked truly harmonious.bb5b6ee75e707d0e

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“Young man, what are you looking at so intently. There’s nothing to see in a house where only old folks live.”38764df9cb9b9dac

“Um… is the master of the house not here? I’d like to say hello.”3853851b77c401eb

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“Oh my! It’s fine, it’s fine! That man can’t even move.”72b74113e761f60d

The old woman waved her hands vehemently. Then she glanced somewhere. At the end of her gaze was a half-open door. A person’s emaciated foot on a bed and a series of connected medical devices caught my eye. It wasn’t hard to guess it was a life support system. In that case, one less thing to worry about.9a0ea76e475f9228

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“Here you go. Even for two men, this will last a few days. If you need more after you finish it, let me know.”f1a40e8d459d67de

Perhaps it was 9ec4ae60ee just my imagination, 49c0f24386 but I felt ce22bc5ef4 a sense of c620214d97 her wanting to ec3c4c81fb send me away d8861c1582 quickly in the a87d3768ab hand that gave 93b9d2b86f me the bag. From a while c4d367f1e6 ago, the old be73910652 woman had been f02084c2b7 fidgeting like a 622dc62013 person being chased.a33664d6ec788820

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Did she 760c7ae5a9 notice something? Hiding my burning anxiety, 4992ef3d73 I asked casually. As if c65f2d98bc it were d6d6a6ab91 pure, well-intentioned 882d29b4cc kindness with 4f2ea82c5e no ulterior aef07084c2 motive.944701892f25d41e

“I’m so grateful I’d like to offer you some tea. If you don’t mind, please stop by my place for a moment.”85884ce1485811bc

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At that, the old 9bc4084f96 woman glanced into the c244ace887 room again. It was strangely different dc94f7d2b9 from the expression of 09d0cbd009 someone worried about her 5052e00f1d sick husband. As if 414f78c691 the owner f9d3169164 of the 1618b508b7 emaciated foot 3f2baab857 would come 34cd5861ab chasing after d8bbf27d76 her, the 4983e04b10 old woman daf8114baf watched her 6241940aea surroundings and 307581887f smiled, crinkling 683aead277 the wrinkles cd4a301f9c around her 1accaaedf9 mouth.4ef0260b5d35c98b

“Shall I do that then?”9ccac0c91aefde97

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The old e48d326377 woman entered a9ccc85b9a my house 094955cf2d with an 41975df5e4 anticlimactically simple 4d49c4e0b9 agreement. Stepping into 92c63acc82 the entryway, fe45758d35 the old fed7e9caa8 woman paused f1fcf4b535 at the 5ff39b137d sight of e74727270d the empty 7e8eb2118b living room. I closed f730b3c5c4 the front aee0fcf609 door behind 34b39c2a98 me and 918432b004 gently pushed 2a23c0d57a her stooped, 3ddd7ee21c aged back 3057304c14 into the b8d333ef33 house. I was 16e62aa68f anxious, my 6555759a76 heart racing.917e127ee01c68ea

“I ordered a new sofa, but the delivery is late, so it’s a bit… bare, isn’t it?”e35c6d1f7163ed00

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“Oh my, for a house where only men live, it’s so clean. My son was so messy, my mouth hurt from nagging him.”298cd010856d9c36

As soon as she sat on a dining chair, the old woman let down her guard and chattered nonstop. I smiled occasionally at the old woman’s chatter and put water on in the electric kettle. The old woman, after continuing with her unasked-for stories for a long time, asked me a question.63d0adef5057eeba

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“By the way, young man, what’s your name?”5d62e6694642857f

“My name?”4aad144952bd11bb

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“I can’t keep calling you the young man next door, can I? I’m worried what I’ll do when I’m lonely after that man passes away too.”bff72f5b259fb78b

No matter how much of a living corpse he was, for someone mentioning her husband’s death, the old woman’s attitude was quite light. Moreover, didn’t it have a nuance as if she had already set a date for her husband’s death?f207458178b81f68

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“You must have had a hard time. Taking care of a sick person isn’t easy. I know because I’ve done it too. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’re not lonely.”a459232accac5f53

That much, at 31c8438b61 least, was sincere. As if 5f7ad88607 my sincerity d2ec270850 was conveyed, 81c4b9f2bb the old 4eca1deecf woman dabbed e17154e07e at her 1295eab5a0 wet eyes 1d799299b4 with her 7302463eb3 finger.c5a7ac1c40dacf1c

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“…You saying that makes me tear up from gratitude. After my son and then my husband became like that. I wonder what sins I committed in my past life. Sometimes I feel like I want to throw everything away and run away too. And the old man who makes me suffer to the end, sometimes…”2d81740f14062655

The old woman’s eyes, staring at the edge of the dining table, lost their focus. She trembled her wrinkled eyes as if tracing a bad memory, then snapped back to her senses and fiddled with the empty teacup. It was not an emotion I couldn’t understand. Because I was currently experiencing just how far loneliness could push a person.681a2775fbc6af17

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“From what I’ve seen in life, marriage is unconditionally beneficial for men. You should get married before it’s too late, young man. I’ll introduce you to a nice young lady, thinking of you as my son.”1236a119cdadcb19

Click.e94e9544fa9fa5d1

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The kettle, heated to 1543d94ded its limit, automatically turned 861fcf0b80 off.36e570fe44eae798

“…About that. Actually, the man I lived with. He was my lover.”3241a524621e86b1

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I faced 1765b5d7cb the old 7d3f557067 woman while 09f20c146f pouring hot 351cbbfa50 water into f79beb59e7 a teacup ef0c855733 into which c9acc32de7 I had 721221edef thrown a befda661c0 random tea a39e75f404 bag.c29e0fbb583e2893

“Lo, lover?”5b9f5b9f4d9b52e6

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I don’t know why I’m even talking about this. Do I want to vent my frustrations, even to an old woman who is about to die? The old woman’s scrunched-up face, as she put the tea back down after trying to drink it, was thick with bewilderment.87449a69aa85751c

She had unilaterally chattered on about her own stories, but after hearing just one sentence of mine, she didn’t even seem to think of hiding her displeasure. On the other hand, for me, who had never talked about this to anyone, I couldn’t stop talking out of a strange sense of catharsis.3c13f69f160f6e06

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“We were together for about 10 years. As you know, we couldn’t go around telling people, but he was a perfect lover. I liked him because he was someone who loved me, regardless of gender. I was an illegitimate child, so at home I was just.”44ad6b07d5e72a13

I paused, choosing my b8f9239858 words. I contemplated a word cc5127c269 that could fully express e76e59c0ee my existence.c4cf836203dbdd15

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“Just a freeloader.”43db166086bd254a

“Young man. Wh-what are you saying right now?”dae319dc8d757833

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The old woman stuttered, 26d9c37d73 horrified. It seemed she no d3d74a43d7 longer had any intention 1ca33413f2 of drinking the tea 6b0e098383 I had offered. My throat 546d501ecd was parched ec777a602b from talking 9b1225b944 so much dbaa6603c8 for the 91c92ce7c7 first time 0268ed0351 in a 55037455ee while. I lifted the teacup 8c06230856 and wet my lips.5547fb2efa0f5077

“But after moving here, my lover started to change. I guess living off a guy like me was dreadful. I gave him my heart, my money, everything, I really tried to make it work.”5bf668e5c9902bbc

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When our eyes met, the old woman didn’t know what to do. It was as I expected. That when I actually talked about myself, they wouldn’t even want to know more, let alone understand. Relationships with others, once you peel back a single layer, were nothing but a stinking mass of hypocrisy.520b97363b391dc9

“I, I should get going now. I can’t leave the house empty for too long…”bdd82340f9f19e5b

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I grabbed 5fca5fa26a the arm 5f99222e6c of the 013795082c old woman b267dafac3 who was 55fce1cda9 trying to c9a6ca2dac get up.6a9f4f522fa20bcd

“Already? I listened to you without a single complaint every time you chattered on.”805a990b91bae743

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“Young man! Are you making fun of me for being old right now?”b3c61d07ae469bff

“Making fun of you? Listen some more. This is what’s really important. You remember that noisy day a few weeks ago, right? Actually, I broke up with my lover that day. But then that man suddenly appeared. A man only I know.”f1460cfec6207f4a

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“Let go of me, young man!”6fd8ddee4fb53a68

The muscles in the old woman’s face twitched severely. Tears streamed down between her contorted wrinkles. I didn’t think it was that sad of a story. Besides, I had been spending quite happy days.7b18aa0bf7cd6976

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“There’s one small problem, but I’m fine. Everyone lives hiding a flaw or two, don’t they?”b5fbb03eae5d177c

“I told you I don’t want to hear it…!”b906ba84a7af259f

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The old woman shook off my arm as if I were about to eat her. The frightened old woman would soon find out the man’s only flaw, even if I didn’t bother to tell her. I gave the old woman a gentle smile she had never seen before.dd54cf4b2ff529c3

“This time, he’s a perfect person. I think you’ll think so too when you see him, Grandma. Would you like to see?”4f965e8aa48b6e29

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“N-no. I, I…”cbcf098633fb0f2d

A chuckle escaped.7cc4a3b51118ba4f

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“Why are you refusing? You were so curious about me usually.”b7e4598892b9c7b3

So you should have stopped being interested in me sooner. Then this wouldn’t have happened.c41f8c62652efecf

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I helped up the trembling old woman and stood in front of the room that had been prepared. The room that was a dressing room, then my dead lover’s room, and now had yet another purpose.da81ed529184d523

It was quiet beyond the closed door. If I told the man to wait quietly, he wouldn’t even make a sound.1ed3cf14bc0fd44b

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As if the old woman’s fear had spread to me like a flame, the hand that gripped the doorknob trembled. I put strength into my hand and threw the door wide open.0272586be0c21d2e

Rustle.ed9e70ed0dcfb81b

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The sound of e3d54b0651 the man stepping c727fa195f on the plastic 0a45e3572a laid out on 3383f0e0e7 the floor.314415deac1d0ee4

“Ah, aaack!”278431c5419b71c7

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The old woman, upon 9489af2bc8 seeing the inside of 046f5abdbb the room, fainted and e811d97d9c collapsed. In the 7210c9f88c middle of 3a49dbd66d the room, 95f46a0b28 completely covered a2898e94c7 with transparent 8547d389b6 plastic, stood d911adb927 a naked 7d6b4d6676 man. I dragged eefaefb851 the fainted 3865a73f5b old woman 13cef9f3b4 and carefully 2b343158c5 placed her 081bb12b83 in front 0088d6e2b0 of the 4af516ce13 man.402685d83c7c706f

“Grandma. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good neighbor to you. But still, you learned everything about me that you were so curious about.”804f9c7356de6a22

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My job was done 7e8b7c4032 here. I clasped my trembling d640bf21ef hands tightly behind my 3421aa26ad back. The old 4ac15160bf woman ends 1be449c15c her lonely 4afc8b6532 life, and 04a9b37cd9 I feed 0a169b8d53 the man. I repeated to 6e379d8116 myself that it 944632528f was a good bd12a4d0ca thing for both 3181f431f0 of us. But even 519ed32be2 after I 69e328a378 took a 2fb3f5d573 step back, 171574fce0 the man 2d105f33ac just stared 44ea8516fc blankly at 1703ed8e34 the old 4f10ecd5e9 woman.30bf475e2581ec95

“What are you doing?”63a27a3e2b208cc6

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An innocent face turns towards me quizzically. I became confused by the man’s inscrutable attitude.aacec2a249699636

Is this not it…?6a796b7f7b828574

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My contemplation was c9acca876e brief; I realized 4869a99268 the submissive man 853c2d5605 was waiting for 52a2a8c6cb none other than 72b96008b5 my permission.521f312d17e7c1cb

“You can eat… this person. Eat.”ad2105c0875c3e9e

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My lips, 8c0dc94ac9 as if 7be02a6b89 glued together, cb5a953e9b barely parted, bbc21b7974 but I 11995487e5 finally gave 241dd83b68 permission to 8521394f35 devour my 83d6cdff66 neighbor, a 1b51e1eca2 living person.2ac0bc132c8ace10

Only then did the man turn his back to me and lower his body. It was a posture as if he didn’t want to show me his meal. That stimulated my curiosity. I became curious about the man’s meal, how he devoured a person from head to toe without a trace. An instinctive warning that I shouldn’t watch and a dangerous curiosity clashed fiercely. While I was unable to do either, my gaze was already fixed on the back of the man’s head.7c7de8d8568e23c0

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Crack.4c309349b9bfaa1a

It was d4e38b2553 the sound e0595fb1f4 of flesh d65c432e46 and muscle 57db74f371 tearing. I reflexively c130c09eda tried to 6af6ead701 turn my 7e63a9df1c head at 4b1eb929bb the grotesque 8e5874bc8f sound, but f762c24c6f I ended 7bc69aeccc up witnessing 3c314430f4 a sight 93443824d1 I should 553c03929f never have 93faa6a679 seen.1aa17caa8537bd5b

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Two thin tentacles were extending from the top of the man’s head.d7fd1076b956b01e

The plastic under my 8aa33fdd89 feet crinkled as I d75050983b backpedaled away from the d0b0be5312 man engrossed in his 8b99be4f56 meal. I was 0b911b4c99 afraid the 0dfda58571 man might b2580a3d9d turn around. Afraid I would encounter 9b1d00e1b7 something unimaginably horrific, I 46d72da39a quickly turned and ran.99240117066bb803

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I collapsed in the bathroom, vomiting. I couldn’t believe what I had seen. A pair of thin, white things, like the color of the man’s skin, were thrashing in the air in different directions. Just like an insect’s antennae.be6f578e5f71af76

Knowing that the man e345f17b86 was not human and c299681da9 actually confirming his true 5624e17b3f form were two completely d611cb415c different matters.761322a9a43bfadf

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“Ugh, sob.”2db0864298237463

‘Tsk. It would have been so much better if you had just died when I was strangling you.’e0b76bec320ae4d8

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My mother, standing in front of the bathroom door, sneered at me as I clung to the toilet. Her face, smiling from ear to ear, looked like a devil’s. Staring blankly at the phantom of my mother, a thought suddenly occurred to me.f915cdfd3e891992

…So what if he has antennae?8e091a7e6576c2fb

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Doesn’t a woman like that live, pretending to be human? Is that all? My father, who raped and impregnated a much younger woman as soon as he married my mother, or my younger brother, who framed me out of pure jealousy, or my lover, who tried to kill me after 10 years of devotion! They all hide their ugliness and live on the outside, pretending to be human. It’s a world where as long as you pretend to be human, the ugliness within doesn’t become a sin at all.f663852a3bc95728

“Mother, nothing changes by blaming me.”4cb5b96b484b2200

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For the first time, 5e43d003a5 I talked back to a9f4dd2290 my mother. I roughly wiped my 56cb2c2e15 sour, wet lips with 26dfbb0370 the back of my 7e67b2fa3f hand and staggered to d57fe698cd my feet. I turned 149bdf4136 on the 260b40d4d2 water at 3218be94cf the sink, 3d3d3d6633 washed my 4c5fa97ccb hands, rinsed fd27f6a66e my mouth, 5ee15800fc and spat fc6a16b5b1 out the f0e6a7c559 words that eef8218b22 had been 49f6e29d3f left to e29e3c2704 rot for de7c3c0efe so long.68131c40390091e8

“At least that thing won’t betray me. Like Father.”dc83fe8ae8c4ee8c

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I lifted 10efcfdf47 my head 8610486bde and looked e3b2c4b371 in the 78ab1f83c4 mirror. Where the 66d52bc679 phantom of a34287a4b8 my mother 120f2b90db had disappeared, 67122b7654 only the 67e8a092e4 man and ce8d3ff011 I remained.a4c9fdd816a7d2a5

“I ate well.”7782013e7dbbbd27

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The naked man’s body was red all over, as if he had bathed in blood. When I held out my hand as a sign to come in, he obediently took my hand and entered the bathroom.688eb8769528a7ff

“You didn’t leave anything, did you?”e5e90503a6b7bb75

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The man nodded his 697ecef113 head.a8a03bff51955f76

“Good boy.”9c1ae652907af10d

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I carefully pushed back his bangs and checked the man’s forehead. There were no disgusting antennae. His blood-soaked face was still beautiful and harmless. More human than anyone I knew.5c9507b6b102e3d1

“Promise me one more thing. Stay in this form in front of me. Until you die.”68b3e15f0f376a5d

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The man, who 958fc821aa nodded his head 105efa44c4 no matter what 321f6a057e I said, opened d23e1ce55a his red, shining 7f66040168 lips.01a9ec928c3f1702

“If that’s what you want, I will.”2220bca03efab4c6

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As long as 15caf4e8fb you pretend to 2cd2d1118e be human, you b18529ae9c are human no 2aff284862 matter what you b9e3b6516b do.1c457d130b6c923d

The man took my hand and buried his lips in my palm. The wet lips left a bloodstain on my palm. As it was, the man’s gaze turned to me.714679cb907fd923

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“You won’t change either, will you?”78bc77b232611877

I am different from eabc1430df the traitors who abandoned 250c2af2be me.4098059520ed0e89

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“Yes, I will.”48beb08e5edc1399

As long as you don’t change, neither will I, ever.702408b40ff0a9b2

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When I opened my eyes the next morning, the man, who always waited until I opened my eyes, was nowhere to be seen. I threw off the blanket and rushed out of the room. The house was filled not with the smell of blood, but with the savory smell of cooking rice. In the kitchen, the man, wearing an apron I didn’t even know we had, was engrossed in something. The man’s arm moved rhythmically to a cheerful tap-tap.bc8afc3f6ecebf0a

“What are you doing now?”4958e6e67bc1131e

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“Preparing breakfast. Go wash up and come out.”053a42319085e4c7

Feeling bewildered, I c4867c13d3 approached him and 89219e596d saw soybean paste 4e2bf91fd1 stew bubbling in 5b64d65f23 an earthenware pot. His hand, b60650123d pouring neatly 71ecee893f diced tofu 28b81a5712 into the f5313f26c9 brown broth, e151452853 was skillful. The man tapped his 0631382dbb wet hands on the e832e8b236 apron and looked back 9bd84cd522 at me, who was 497ddd2c8e dazed, and smiled.250f5071bfce04b2

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“If you’re hungry, shall we eat first?”a3049fefafb41c6b

At the unremarkable, common question, I suddenly choked up. The affection directed solely at me filled my chest to the point of being overwhelming, and I hugged the man’s waist. I couldn’t help it. The rough muslin cloth that had been tucked away in a drawer had a musty smell, but even that was lovely.3925dba6c2bf1964

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I knew the man’s actions were memories he had peeked at from the brain he had eaten, but I was still happy. I felt like I could do anything for this man.d37b7452a7bf664b

“Did I do something wrong?”92a6d3135777e1b2

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“No. Not at all. I’m just happy…”6fc9c615d0f9ecad

The man didn’t laugh at me or chide me for my pathetic whimpering, but just quietly patted my back. Of the man who could not be defined by anything, I could be certain of one thing. This man, at least, would not hurt me under the pretext of affection.624a9f7788da4ff6

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I could have not 69f9ad1ea5 been parched with just 41e5da07d3 a single drop of 4a2bacea92 water, but no one f55bd1ae4f allowed me that single e87a77ab17 drop. Except for e9f289d12d the lovely f3d9385199 monster before 90d9aada4f my eyes.e16e3e8afc020683

∞ ∞ ∞a673063c4ef11f3f

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A life of 8621fec842 eating meals the f666dea7ad man made for b080c88bfa me morning and dc7cbac23d evening continued. As a 1aa99200ff reward for 35eefd6d8b that, and 3ecd7bd07b also because f0c4497a35 I felt aa9f5c9e27 sorry for f68daf56c8 the man ca67e27f33 who was b7fcadfbc3 at home 22c060fdf9 all day, 082d635489 on Friday, a0ddd1c96e after dinner, ed78ef0c53 I picked 496f616235 up the 5255786ec1 car keys. I was 0a55634e86 thinking of 3ac72d2669 taking the 925461af07 man a 447fdf6e69 little farther 86c8e3632b out.8096f94766fc15a6

“Where are we going?”04a110f170cc760d

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“A good place.”d092ba23ad6e0556

I replied, glancing at the man sitting in the passenger seat. The man, who had lost his somewhat awkward and vacant demeanor, was truly too precious to be kept locked up in the house for only me to see. I started the engine and slightly lowered the driver’s side window, and the heated summer air rushed in.0c216726774b0ff6

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“It’s a date.”475994bf1a616f98

At the man’s embarrassingly sweet words that came out of nowhere, the car, which was just about to start, lurched to a stop.f4860a8be482964e

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“A date?”1213b450218ae57b

“Is it not?”8aabee5dd5120f8a

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A straightforward gaze, devoid of any shyness or ulterior motives. Confirming the man’s transparent sincerity, I stepped on the accelerator. I stroked my somewhat ticklish nape and returned an answer.0373304c82c113ca

“…It is.”a75a85e81adc720a

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My lover, who had been sensitive to the gazes of others, was extremely touchy about our relationship being discovered by anyone. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand, but as our relationship gradually soured, it was too much that we didn’t have a single memory that could be called a date in five years.65dd4978d2edcbdb

He was better off 5146d998fe dead, really.78acdc6b1a6ef698

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“Nabi.”a884e261e8d156a6

When I called his name, the man, who had been looking at the city scenery through the passenger window, turned his head toward me. Taking advantage of the car being stopped at a signal, I quickly pulled the man’s nape. I felt sorry for leaving those lips that only spoke pretty words alone. The man never once pushed me away from the kiss that I had initiated without rhyme or reason. The tongues that had been moving between each other’s mouths at some point became entangled only in the man’s mouth. My body kept leaning toward the passenger seat. Until the back of the man’s head hit the window with a thud.089898c9b93fe4fa

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Honk!2ec6743fb4fe071c

Our lips parted at the honk from the car behind us. Despite having suddenly pushed him, I was the only one panting. Belatedly embarrassed at the thought of having been too forward, I couldn’t even wipe his wet lips and started the car. I didn’t have the composure to nonchalantly say, “Were you surprised? I did it because you’re so pretty.” When I was with the man, it was difficult to keep my balance, as if both my feet were floating in the air.c1be823c38e09596

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In the awkward silence, 82fe2ceec3 the hand that I bf4876bafb had meaninglessly placed on e11fc50070 the gearshift was suddenly 7608697f25 taken. The man 8da34181c5 intertwined his cd81cd7ae6 fingers with 64011d99c3 mine. I felt a 893964de84 thirst at the eeac13dafd ten fingers that 5a626fbc22 interlocked like perfectly 69167b0388 fitting pieces.ea83bd5dd58de649

“You should look ahead when you’re driving.”ab019a23ce2624d2

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The man’s smiling face is unfamiliar. Did he know how to make that kind of face? It’s as if I’m with a different man. Forcing my violently beating heart to calm down, I sped down the deserted road.d7ed59fd5b2c2a57

The Han River 420452b532 on a midsummer 0e2b6dfebd night, which I 03ce9f74fa had visited after 4f5b148ea7 a long time, 1c88d542de had a rather b372b38ab6 romantic atmosphere. The fact that the ca005fa44d man and I were e822f466bb in it felt somewhat 1d4a244a3c awkward, but whenever our 08591a92d6 shoulders brushed while walking, 57783d25d1 I was embarrassingly thrilled.41cf95c4ad74e2a0

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I casually 89455cb84a turned my 9bb4c40af7 gaze, which 7812c197f4 I had f33a7d88d2 aimlessly cast 0a976a5565 toward the a8a1cb454b river, to e63c6d9158 the man, 6f257c3f8b pretending it 0e9bf39dd7 was a 8bbe43fe03 coincidence. The back 0355bb3106 of my 558ec34fa4 neck had 2f2fb21512 long since c058f26fa5 become sticky 2302b4492d from the 71c48b73db humid river 9631da9fe6 breeze, but b0544eee6e the man d88909642a was as a678d765a2 fresh as 023ee00d97 if he 861e638cc2 were in af6e1a31f9 a different 35ad571328 season by cec4b35b49 himself.33802ad396cf5144

“You really don’t sweat.”e73280fbdb42367a

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“Are you hot?”9aa0eb1c269e13d3

The man suddenly 8ccee49b33 brushed my forehead. I pulled my c13fcbfcfc neck back, avoiding 357561a181 his hand, which 27688b1c8d was cooler than 4462af6686 average. Awkwardly, I took his 2aa8ee9d30 hand, which was still 0e081367f5 frozen in mid-air, and 13fb8c2ee3 brought it down, making 5ba5eb79f8 an excuse.751a69e08f74471a

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“It’s dirty. Don’t touch it.”c23177e5c24922b3

“You only smell good.”071d8235b4dffa3d

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The man sniffed and came closer. The man himself was exuding a strong, peculiar body odor. It wasn’t this blatant before. The scent, which was barely perceptible only when I put my nose to his skin, was now as strong as if he had sprayed on perfume.7a882d516bb750a0

In fact, it wasn’t just the smell that had changed. His expression, his way of speaking, his gestures, everything was different. How far will the man change? What were those antennae-like things that had been wriggling on top of the man’s head?337a4b274351977d

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“I remember this place.”25fcc8f48faec9c6

The man, who e27d2855a5 had abruptly stopped 5b8c838c17 walking, said something c70a8f3aff incomprehensible.8e0eb73f660fdbf0

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Memory? Does that mean e2cdf9d2e1 he had been f6f9b4497f here before he 9727b2916c met me?098a65b30cedb377

I looked around, surveying 32823052fa the place the man 78d58d540e said he remembered. There was nothing 07d202648e special, just a ef704637fa convenience store near 559ab5200f the wide park cb8cbf2248 along the river. At the 2c20273d05 convenience store 2fc5505333 sign, illuminated 9c304ebe6f brightly without 8c48131624 any mood, bda4b38e25 a musty 9d58b35178 memory surfaced.5b1cac2a0dc0d42c

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The man spoke as 8f6a530ae6 if he had read 0f458277b6 my thoughts.9cee36f930305411

“The day we first kissed.”fa4ea070c9cb7d16

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“What?”313a183354c1c494

That was my memory with my dead lover, not the man’s. A sense of unease crept up, riding the black river water.d6e6d83964a5a8e6

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“You don’t remember?”efc0434e0f12d881

Suddenly, the man’s way of speaking changed. The dead lover overlapped with his blunt expression as he looked down at me. The surrounding noise faded, and my body stiffened. What is this…?606bb2055e6841e5

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“Are you okay?”8e04e8d1b10dcf6e

In the 6db3db8f37 brief moment da3454486b I closed 4f19601f06 and opened 97485e8c08 my eyes, 6363ed1bb7 the man 38637f1052 had returned 2537271495 to his 14758cff52 original harmless cb9e6ce478 self and 25921404ef was looking e63b859dee at me 615806c805 with a 06cdc7dc69 worried face. My mind d3fb831a55 went blank.80800543dfb47efa

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Did I see a bcb30e6e6c phantom?de161c16bc6050d0

“I’m just going to go buy something to drink. Will you wait here?”a8ab990687eae69c

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“…You’ll be back quickly, right?”818c71c0b5d89227

“Uh, yes.”0a520f13fa66e096

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I hastily fled dc51f8d63d to the convenience 4024f8a79f store. The cold air 4b6cec3ad4 from the air b27ae973f0 conditioner enveloped my 9c0baa8261 entire body. But the reason 54ca0ba0c8 for the goosebumps fe40bcbc55 on my arm 7c6464d48d was elsewhere.2dcec1b4ea52d0e5

Was I possessed by the ghost of my dead lover, as if my mother’s phantoms weren’t enough? Yes, that’s it. I just came to a place with memories of my dead lover and he briefly came to mind, that’s all.c8fff32a0a226946

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I concluded as such because I didn’t want to ruin my date with the man with anxious delusions. I bought a cold bottle of water and immediately chugged it down.686aa97feaea9b6f

Through the glass door of the convenience store, I could see the man standing vacantly in that spot, waiting for me. But in the brief moment I was gone, some woman was approaching the man’s side. The woman held out her phone to the man and then naturally stood close to him.bb3449e34d0c4805

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I watched that scene silently, but I couldn’t stand the sight of the man not pushing away the woman who was clinging to him, and I burst out of the convenience store. My steps, which had been almost running toward the man, gradually slowed down. On closer inspection, it wasn’t just that woman. All the people loitering around, unaware that they were a meal for the man, were glancing at him.09312cec51e96f23

I had been complacent. Just because the man only looked at me didn’t mean others wouldn’t look at him. When I came to my senses, everything was so precarious.d6939e206028fb7e

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What was? Their lives? Or the man’s existence?c86448d5c8f02c85

Even while I was confused, the woman was stealthily stroking the man’s arm. I threw the water bottle I was holding.2cd2d1b434fac6d6

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The closer I got to the man, the more my blood boiled. The man who stood still, and those who coveted him, were unbearably grating. Right behind the man’s back, I barely suppressed my explosive emotions.5a01b96e499a169a

“Back off a bit.”02d58911e6b44c17

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“Excuse me?”d122ba1616d69edc

“I said take your hand off him and back off.”4f5b78d27c34ed8c

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The frightened woman flinched c61ac32dbb and stepped back at 290c859358 my sharp-edged voice. I could hear people 5a89204474 whispering around me.b82cc39c944e03dd

Fuck. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that this man was a monster who ate people. So don’t touch him, don’t even look at him, don’t be curious. That’s what I wanted to shout.3868e5923125fcdb

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In the reality where I couldn’t do that, I just chewed on my lower lip and roughly pulled the man’s arm. The bitter taste of blood spread between my teeth, but I was engrossed in only one thought. It was something I should have done long ago, but I had been really too complacent.d7751b210a035f2e

When I 7540513a4c get home, d9e8342dba I will d977eb6a51 lock up ee81610433 this dangerous 14c7c584cf man.3382553212af1f7a

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∞ ∞ ∞c5046e1ba1cefb3d

“From the outside, it works exactly the same as a regular door lock. But from the inside, there’s no separate open button, and you can only open it with a key.”6ad5a97c8a018714

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The installation technician brought 412e0e0332 the end of a ebc59aff91 small stick to the 6b0394195e door lock on the 0dbc430a42 inside of the house, 7aee6b2d56 and the lock was 403c47d768 released. When he 467609ef68 removed the 20d3a628d1 key, the 506b8c9ff6 door automatically 5fb09e9f83 locked after 1cc14cb15f a moment.aa895f613ef50d40

“Once the door is locked like this, you can never open the door from the inside without a key.”b117cf5e6a40325b

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Having decided to lock the man up, I immediately had a special two-way locking door lock installed. As I accepted the small bundle of keys the technician handed me after finishing the installation, the technician’s eyes scanned the empty house. His gaze was questioning, as if he thought my house didn’t suit the lock he had installed.509f13541adeb5e3

“May I ask why you’re having this installed?”d09d06c973d5b620

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“Why are you curious about that?”f00abf9ef4aeeaa3

“Huh? Ah, usually our main customers are people who are taking care of elderly people with dementia. But your home doesn’t seem to be like that… Ah, well then, I’ll be on my way. If you have any problems, please contact me here.”e9f747372c0acb62

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I shoved the business 7395261673 card I received somewhere d81e698954 and hid the key 8bd238cc59 deep in a drawer 420cfa032a of the shoe cabinet. Now, the only one b717e3adaa who can enter this f75e67b0ac house, and the only f4917c91b5 one who can leave 92f66d5044 this house, is me.e8fea19aacb22320

In my room, the man who doesn’t know he’s been trapped is waiting for me. I had to remind myself that the man who looked so harmless was in fact very dangerous. So my decision to lock up the man was by no means wrong.a9cc31d85befe697

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Now it was time to make the man not even think about going out. I cupped the man’s cold cheeks, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, and gently coaxed him so that he wouldn’t have any suspicions.5cf319d025fd2e79

“Nabi. Do you know what happens if people other than me find out your identity?”9360823ad473ff8c

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The man, who had sensed my fierce mood during our last outing, just shook his head silently, as if he thought he was being scolded. I grabbed that man’s cheeks tightly and made him look at me.8d3a0579353cd341

“They’ll take you away and tie you up in a place like a basement so you can’t escape. Then they’ll dissect your body into pieces with a knife and try to do whatever it takes to find out your identity, you know?”93641edf70da345c

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“…Why?”48f2efecfded601a

A hollow laugh escaped at the utterly innocent question. I don’t know if he really doesn’t know, or if he’s pretending not to know.c7e98a663effaf86

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“Because you’re not human. You’re a monster that eats people.”bf1dcbaedfda9418

The man’s previously impassive eyes waver with agitation. A thrilling pleasure spread to my fingertips at the man’s unusual reaction. But on the outside, I feigned concern for the frightened man and stroked his cheek. The man, as if anxious, clung to my wrist that was holding his cheek.ff3fafe5665407d9

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“You’ll stay with me, right?”2323a8464783400e

The corner 62cb44920c of my 470c8b5123 mouth twitched.f40347eed32a393b

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“Of course. Don’t worry. I can protect you. Everything will be fine as long as you do as I say.”21013b7caf8c36b3

I buried my 42022edf46 lips on the 92fff167a1 head of the c056ea24ab man who was 54bcf1bd76 nodding.1ab72c988faee6ba

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“So it would be better not to go outside anymore.”f1bc571993e3fac3

A pleasant fragrance e277acec47 wafts through his b4e7142f67 soft hair.baca1fa315e164a9

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“You’re going to be here forever. With me.”39caf5e1755407fd

I waited with a fluttering heart for the man’s red lips to open.4959e9a9704dde7b

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“I will be here with you forever.”fc81773e85228d40

I was full with satisfaction. I pulled the man’s head into my embrace. How could I not lock up this poor monster, who naively vows to look only at me forever, from the dangerous world.04fab90ee9e24e8c

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∞ ∞ ∞46204b6435de2a7b

The sky, which had been gloomy since morning, poured down rain as night fell. It had been about a month since I had brought the man home, but I was worried because I had never been this late coming home before. My senses, thanks to the continuous shots of alcohol I had been forced to drink at the company dinner at Manager Go’s insistence, were as loose as if submerged in water, contrary to my urgent heart. My steps, as I stepped out of the smelly barbecue restaurant, staggered as if I had fallen into a mud puddle.c6bc54befe3cc1e2

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“Oh, Mr. Kim! Are you okay?”ca6aa5bd90104bba

The one who 2d83be1554 grabbed my arm 455c7693b7 was Assistant Manager 48390d8b11 Ye.db42d4faeb87a2d5

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Such a pitiful person. Why someone like me… No, am I in any position to pity someone else?2317ef03be4235e5

I put strength in my legs and checked my wristwatch. It was well past midnight. I regretted not having thought to get the man a cell phone in advance. Moreover, the task of getting home through the pouring rain with a body that wouldn’t listen to me seemed daunting.275b6951128c8270

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“I’ll get you a taxi.”b5d55735a172678e

Assistant Manager Ye opens a small three-fold umbrella. Since I didn’t have an umbrella, I shamelessly went under Assistant Manager Ye’s umbrella.d9255c4d7ae3bceb

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“I’ll be in your debt. I’m sorry.”e79fa7d335f9007b

Assistant Manager Ye’s voice was hard to hear, mixed with the sound of the rain and the noise of the street. My ears were ringing, and my consciousness flickered like a candle in the wind, moving far away and then close again. A thought that had been flowing without order inadvertently slipped out of my mouth.9fdcfc674288bfc4

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“Assistant Manager Ye… what do you like about me.”991445a03e3703fc

“Excuse me…?”f573488f225722d6

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“I don’t think I’ve done anything special for you.”ad1e866265c170f9

“Mr… Mr. Kim… you’re a good person.”ef4e11256d6ff0b2

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I could see the bf918c4d09 top of a small b2d7975000 head staring only at 9f8e2bd732 the ground. Assistant Manager 23310e3ddc Ye had 52d596d608 only seen c6aeb863ec the side efcacc513d of me eab26eabdc that I 7ac0bdaf60 had allowed. I felt pathetic for 671e364a48 Assistant Manager Ye, who 225f9af9da had developed a liking dde5d6a1b4 for me from such fe83968b45 a small amount of 646036b277 kindness, and at the ef422afb60 same time, I felt c9390253c4 a strange sense of cf3867dc9c kinship.2f6a407db2dc882e

“I’m not a good person. If you get to know all of me, you’ll definitely regret it.”fcae8ae217e33cd3

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「That woman will 699cad8f90 change her mind 1a0a633bc0 too if she b9750ffd69 gets to know de324e9f4a you.」be1a1d394e27030a

Of all 1342b491b5 the curses c414ec753b my dead e3b9bc0b1b lover had b8a6f040a3 thrown at fe205157fa me, only 8456c3a10a that one c8486c22da was true. So this 505f964520 was the 7c09fa95aa best consideration 869baf009f I could 702492e7ca give to d6c5d5e737 Assistant Manager 9130338c47 Ye.8dd4a672c3424c95

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“You don’t have to know everything to like someone.”a8a0c513e3d7f44d

Contrary to the voice that followed, articulating each word as if in protest, Assistant Manager Ye couldn’t look at me, and I was at a loss for words. Assistant Manager Ye’s answer was stuck between my throat and chest like a lump swallowed wrong. Out of a petty sense of defiance, the words ‘I’m gay’ rose to the tip of my tongue. I had the stubborn urge to deny Assistant Manager Ye’s words even by saying that, but in the end, I couldn’t deny those words. Because I myself was crazy about a man of unknown identity.cbf69544e8d1fa40

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When I came to my senses, my body was sprawled in the back seat of a taxi. The cool, dry air from the air conditioner was similar to the man’s body temperature. Perhaps because of the alcohol, a thirst came over me. I licked my dry lips and loosened my tie, and a weary sigh escaped. Receiving the man’s greetings at the beginning and end of the day had become as necessary as breathing. I wanted to see the man quickly. I wanted to kiss him to my heart’s content, even if the kisses ended tantalizingly.1b9502d9f373a828

I had only walked 58a4b9fcdd a short distance from b831ec8389 the taxi to the d837d71b9d apartment entrance, but my 31ed611d76 whole body was soaked e8f54dc75c in the torrential downpour. My body, which had f935ce80f0 been lukewarmly heated, cooled 3bc039211d down from the drenching 45cb817166 of cold water, and d218c34f21 my teeth chattered. Looking in b1692e7899 the mirror bc12ed85bd in the 65592fa8c8 elevator, I 079500a63a looked like 1958b07257 nothing less 06a6ceeb20 than a 35dbe28b13 drowned rat. I was sticky 070e1d4b8e and anxious, but 9fb1ad448f it took quite 856637a83d a while for 4eaab7b065 the slow-as-molasses elevator 3f6bf2d94a to get to 16740a39fe the 30th floor.023a987b092ccafa

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Leaning my head against the mirror, I let my drunken consciousness drift. I want to take a shower with warm water. Is the man sleeping? He’s probably waiting. I’ll have to feed the man soon… I’ll think about it tomorrow. I’m too tired today.590e09c604b8b8d5

Rumble!86bd8845e0015dba

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My consciousness, which was 42236591cd about to doze off, d5515d37ce was jolted by the b679377d49 sound of thunder. The elevator 67cb1fea30 lights flickered 4e1e387262 and then b68e1f3d36 went out df7c0a0791 with a 844590a649 thud. Fortunately, the elevator, bc8513c9fe which switched to a70e410603 emergency power, arrived 1570fbd871 safely at the 493d2d7a27 30th floor. The power 6872ff39ee in the 8c72773a3e entire apartment ab42983477 complex seemed 7ad866fdb9 to have 5b02de6ecc gone out, 4a9c733e95 and instead faa916199b of the ca1acfacfc sensor lights, 6b96e9bd2b only the 35e725b1d8 green emergency f66e247333 lights were 3e3bb11682 bright in 46d16e5187 the hallway.0363765d740d61c1

Worried about the 14e94f5056 man who must ab2286de41 have been startled 123ca10aac by the sudden 91061238d1 power outage, I 83ca35478f urgently pressed the afd895faeb password for the eb0f035bb1 door lock. My hand, 5b5da13f33 wet with 211388a2a0 rainwater, slipped, d2926180c4 and the 3133710210 lock was 6453b49c31 released only 13740eca07 on the 6bde7b26b6 third try.52a613e148f65e92

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“Nabi! Are you okay?!”acd922249e77fa17

The inside c7b8271858 of the a77d795fee house was 152e175603 pitch black. Narrowing my eyes, 07dc10f75e which were not 3240b8e232 yet accustomed to 6167136ee3 the darkness, I 8d4157ca9f looked around the 77805679ec living room filled 0f16e66a50 only with the ad49dc535b sound of rain, d059b622c2 and with another 8eea99f721 flash of lightning, 6136594559 the living room 05498d8a05 was brightly lit 336583c7e9 for a short 0449456ca9 moment. The man 689b9b67d5 was standing 00eb62aeda in the d765b905c0 middle of eacaec5871 the living 96d00d686e room. I was startled by 82b698aa1c the figure that had fd98dd01ec suddenly appeared and disappeared, cb276ce5af and I clutched my f1f4070bf5 chest.17c768c6b0a5667c

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“You should answer if you’re here. You scared me.”b3e55387e7dcb502

The man approached me silently, who hadn’t even taken off my shoes yet. Is it because of the sound of the rain? I can’t even feel his footsteps. I want to see the man’s face, but everything about the man is buried in darkness. I can only feel that the approaching presence is looking down on me intimidatingly.051b20414f4e3356

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“Why… what’s wrong? Were you scared because the power suddenly went out?”5a8b0c478d277fdb

“You’re wet.”38956e8f3fb09824

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The voice, whispering softly, 4be463c678 is low and rough, f306580e5d unlike usual. Something was different. The unique body 2a91be7b90 odor emanating from 6ed81d9329 the man felt 2f9351ee5a like it was 3f70d629f8 pressing down on 23e8e72b53 my skin. Goosebumps rose 073e84d642 on my 2d00cf9385 wet skin, 4f3bcf94e6 and the cc9a34d332 tension pulling 1840ee6d45 at my 959a4cd3e3 lower abdomen ad3cc1fa59 made my 88e109a8e9 words trail 97326d038a off on 6ef91e9a3b their own.06e71a5fb33a0ac4

“Yeah. A little…”59244f6c55b9406d

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The man’s hand fumbles over my chest, which is covered only by a shirt. The man’s finger brushes against my nipple, which has become erect from the cold, over the thin fabric that is clinging to me from being soaking wet.755b3968375589ae

“Hnngh.”40150bad505d7294

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An involuntary, strange moan escaped. It was the first time the man had touched me in this way. Before I could grasp the man’s intention, a huge shadow fell over me. A strong force snatched my waist and pulled me in, and a mushy tongue pushed its way between my crushed lips.fdd28b354d097f47

“Mmm, mph!”4b9b5ef3a64a6678

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Panicked by his devouring aab15d0c01 momentum, I struggled to 1c4f4d1be4 get away from the a18598bd0d man. The man was as 687a289316 unmoving as a rock. The transformed c197978962 man relentlessly c95e742b06 pushed me. I was 24dd693759 scared my 5014eda570 back, bent 5c6add1c39 backward, would ef2c815b8c break. I was pushed back b0757beae6 helplessly until I bumped db14614d25 my waist against some 4debe3a947 corner. Fumbling behind 5eb00fe77f me, I 70557fde57 found it ef2efeff86 was the 08e51de5a9 shoe cabinet.ee81c0d1afe8354b

The place was the entryway, and I was soaking wet from the rain and hadn’t even taken off my shoes. But the man didn’t seem to care about the place. For my part, all I could do was barely hold on against the man’s strength. As soon as I found my balance, the man’s thigh that pushed in between pressed against my legs. As if a strong electric current had flowed through, my buttock muscles tightened, and sparks flew before my eyes.6f712e83ae7433ee

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“Mmm, ah…!”80663504cf936c3f

Only after a suppressed d995bd56b6 moan burst out did 0a07f192fb our lips part. The black eyes 097ba3de9e that met me ce972bc8b6 up close stared be046c306a at me as f9ac9c12d5 if they would 41f7de555c eat me. But it was 7ec63194a0 different from the 9741a51bb4 gaze of looking 55c9ae724f at prey. I, who had watched 948769190c his meals, could tell.b9ece65710f25d29

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Panting heavily, I tried to grasp the situation, but the man’s brow furrowed. With an annoyed face I had never seen before, the man brought his nose to my neck.983f470c61580acb

“You smell.”9abba9ce989591ab

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Smell? I wasn’t in the right mind to understand the mumbling voice. I was too confused by the unexpected change in the man, whose only strong desire among all human desires had been appetite. Just this morning, he had been a man with a mournful face like a sad puppy, telling me to come back quickly. Was all that gentleness a lie? I suddenly became scared.f9cf56cb5f7dfc3c

“Wait… let go of this.”493d0e6d9d39174f

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I pushed the man’s shoulder, but his hard body didn’t budge at all. It seemed he had no intention of listening to me anymore. The man’s lips touched my ear. The spot where his lips passed felt as if it had been burned, and my neck instinctively recoiled.abf6fe7273925806

“I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”f8d71aa6c879d3c9

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“Wh-what.”089f779f0245bbbe

I was so dumbfounded I didn’t know what to say. When I made advances, he acted like an idiot! For me, who had almost given up on contact beyond kissing, it was hard to understand the man’s current behavior. His eyes, glazed over with excitement, his lips, parted defenselessly, and as if the hard presence against my thigh wasn’t enough, the words that came out of the man’s mouth were nothing short of shocking.13746bfc7210d1e0

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“Let’s make a baby.”f93ea5f3aecc42f0

“A, a baby…?”b8a0a223c0edb46a

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Rumble.e537abb1b938a9fe

The sound of thunder ebc88a8641 echoed distantly. While I was doubting 08839fdda2 my ears, the man 4d5020d2b1 turned me around and, 05ec7ccfca with a skillful hand da56e5f9f9 even in the darkness, 4e44de87a0 unbuckled my belt and 495022f197 took off my pants. My flustered d9a318d9e4 attempts to 928abf8a5c stop him 799a91995b were all afeb623309 in vain. Goosebumps rose b4e649602c on my e7fe8d8ca4 wet, bare 07237dc6b2 skin from 2f11b9b243 the cold ce39c0716b air. Soon, those goosebumps spread 29753eaa6e to the back of 6fea3eb75a my neck for a 46c079a53c different reason. A huge pillar 6a34978603 was rubbed between 3b3d3996e8 the cheeks of 181943ef21 my buttocks as 6767c62f6f if it would 1ce25223e1 tear its way 9289c8d6f5 in without any e16824fe37 preparation. I was scared by e0c70d7682 the momentum that seemed 1ba1d61875 like it would tear 7be65890e4 me open without any 598081107d preparation, but my instincts, 034beba726 as if welcoming him, 0d125709a9 tightened my buttocks.6cff1cf743534e25

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“W-wait!”647a3e40d618ac01

I pushed away the man’s pelvis, which was clinging to me, rubbing his thick cock against my crotch. But the more I pushed, the more he pressed his body against me, and the man rested his chin on my shoulder. A cool hand wraps around my half-erect penis. My head drooped forward.8e4ee00195c0d08d

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“Mmph.”c568b9ebc2de403f

“I know everything. You wanted this too.”bf14eed1b386a1e9

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He was saying that bfbdf460a6 he remembered all my 1089f17f32 shameful behavior from before. A belated sense of 41c3eb8c6a shame welled up, but afd5770412 my partner was a bf082b59fc man who would accept 394dc23196 my desires as they 14447b277e were. The reason ccc1bdf0e0 I barely 1eec58fb5d held onto ce0f5f6de7 the rationality 63a3893859 I wanted 943aec0eea to throw 1b989a75ac away and 5117e43637 break down 8ce0efb4b8 was simple. There was no way a6bbb94de9 I could take that aabc80626b big thing without lubricant 50d60069dd or a condom. There was bbcb5aacdc also no ae39e1e9de way the ca64864dfe man, who de7752667d until yesterday d6fa9f9bbb seemed to ad610e040b have a 17d4028b59 penis just e553d5c86f to have 23f10ecf12 the appearance 85c4323796 of a 60986f736b human, would 51fe8c7fe5 know how f9db47374d to take ff994b754e his time b4508fb789 to open 95396b517d me up.de748ccb47cbd411

“Not, not now. Let’s do it next time. Okay?”0c4a223e5a2b0f58

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The man, who I dc617540dd thought would quietly obey ee74c0f735 me as always, instead cb337e2b48 of moving away, shook ed1823a9e2 his hips as if 29715c1466 he were thrusting and 8a9224b529 rubbed his wet penis fa9f4c4acb between my buttocks.5155ca35e9d9ebbb

“Ah… h-don’t.”f5e6200228f47b7d

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I thought I 6cc997dfc1 would lose my f912eb216f mind at the 80a8fa0cf2 blatant stimulation.18b231abc0d66a33

“Why not now?”728feaea0c630373

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I, too, let 8f9078114e out a regretful 0f787f9d4f sigh at his 24382556b7 desperate voice. I, too, c4c37bce3b wanted to dcf03a0fa1 do it 77d8250162 like crazy.9d3ed7ac5ea2a197

“Hah… there’s nothing, hnngh… to get wet with.”4043b3fe4c12db0a

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“Ah…”0c842573a2a6a905

Did he understand? The man, who sighed d402c42380 subtly, finally moved away 0b0e81c806 from me. With relief, 54bfdaf5d6 my tension f3f3c6f9d7 eased, and 99fe279186 I draped 0a2c82bc46 my upper 06a6dad03c body over 73c03695e1 the shoe a88fe6ee24 cabinet. The energy drained cc1bfaaea1 from my already 1dcbc22d99 tired body. But the presence of eeb2306a06 the man behind me bd8e5eee29 was still there. As I db2e3b8279 was about 5f7202707d to turn 11cd1949b4 around in 79c3226052 anxiety, a cad0706e26 force pulled 39b114cb85 my waist 5ce5873a67 back, and e1a92966eb I fell b73b556ec6 forward, hitting 510402e72a my forehead 1404bbee1e on the d3ce8c8868 back of 3651d439a5 my hand.620f46e2be94236b

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“Ah!”b17e5303b1f4755e

Forced into a position with my buttocks sticking out, my vision was filled with my pants, which had been carelessly taken off and were hanging around my ankles, and the man’s two knees. I couldn’t close my legs because of the man’s knees, which were kneeling between my spread feet. My face flushed at the thought of the place that must be completely exposed.7e61dde73d35f5c8

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“Wh-what are you doing! Aah.”e02d7474712eed49

My buttocks, grabbed by a large hand, were spread apart, and a hot sensation licked its way up from my perineum to the hole. The raw sensation that climbed up my tailbone hit the back of my head. My mind went white from the lewd caress I had never experienced before, and I couldn’t think of anything, just trembled and covered my mouth. The feeling of his sharp nose bridge being mashed against my buttocks was as vivid as if I could see it.8468f543fadbd0cd

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