TIEH | Chapter 18

Did I 0fb23cba99 describe last dedef0602f year, when ecbede540a I was 46c668138a 15, as c2d2100ae0 tumultuous and c15925ecf1 noisy? In hindsight, d734d7ba2f I was 9748696889 wrong. Last year was d2b54dff78 the last bit ca0e76cf0c of peace I f581d941e0 was given in d809b4b8e5 my life.d362cd7400e42385

Starting this 273d030128 year, the 29b2c984e3 symptoms began ccd32925ed to manifest 516bf570de more prominently, 41a4261347 unlike before 84db0e0305 when I ee743ff8f4 occasionally fainted f5e6801478 with a 0548f64a01 nosebleed and 5e1fffd74e woke up 110b806927 after a 8e4f1c90bf day. Dizziness, tinnitus, headaches, and e1cc814a02 intense fatigue were endless.67d48730f14fcd4b

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“Young master-!”0b18c62a7c7ebfaa

Sometimes, like now, I 19bd475ed7 would cough up blood. And now, once I 59d235b04d fainted, I would be 4636dcd378 asleep for at least 942a1f1733 two days.b647be115fe1d1f5

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Since there was a 49b09e83e0 risk of suffocation if 1125044514 I fainted while bleeding, 486c18e8af I had to live 1f5ad7dac7 with my bedroom door 1796d68b97 open, which I didn’t 8a7b098337 like. But it d1f524c7a7 was more a665a97026 bothersome to f0667ebe38 have the d468e01c37 staff constantly 4a34c5d40c asking permission df10c37fcb to check d2c91acdc4 on me, af43c98ef9 so I 9466ec11cb chose to dc226aa71d leave the b68a884a3f door open.89496869eae1d1a0

Calix, who had 423e65cce8 suddenly barged in 7116f53064 that day and 01a7c8fb05 was now only a155e27940 exchanging letters, still fa6d9323e9 didn’t know about 94fc271958 my condition. I hadn’t mentioned 81eb091c3a it, and when 5e6f5ff8c7 he asked how bde9636766 I was doing, d611da69f5 I just brushed 4fef6bf2cd it off as 71599e0299 being fine.b97de3893fbdbe24

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“Young master, please 115ce22c73 spit the blood 6d003b65fc here.”7b57a0fbfd699437

Lost in thought, I 4c45ac31cc absentmindedly took the cloth 882cabcb88 Hemel was holding under 52172f0376 my mouth and spat 9e6355a690 out the blood.d76b60bcd92285be

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Especially when 143b07f2a5 I had dd569bdc86 a nosebleed db5166190d or coughed 30643532cf up blood, 6a44a41506 I felt 42f2a88843 dizzy, my 96c36c9d37 heart raced, 278ccce7d2 and my 37ec83c77c hands and 3d3db93f77 feet felt 479003b585 cold and c1c4f762ff numb, reminding 2da6200cc7 me unpleasantly c62b3ea9ec of the 27b159bfe2 moment I 531d29ada1 died in 9108475071 my past e092d9ded0 life.f41fa96addba050c

‘I thought 544210444e I was c8c0ecc49f quite satisfied ee1f8a0e0d with my 15ec4ca7d3 end back 72c6b1fb7d then.’977e9c076aa9c906

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No matter 08ed6dbd53 how peaceful 7e635fb88d I thought 794c30e564 I was, 2ef6b6d61c the sensation bbcdb8c166 of nearing b8e32c5cf8 death was 772d89d4ac never pleasant.b28eb6c1e318df24

After wiping the e7df10825c blood and changing 70d7938fd2 clothes, my parents, 29edbf0323 informed by a 1b34bc85d8 servant, rushed into 78a7752d28 my room. Normally, I would cf13b7594e have joked to 635dde569f reassure my worried af63bd0a00 parents, but now 13674ffdc9 I was really 1d8372bf86 at my wit’s de2c8b2e95 end.c2e675ef790c7198

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Hemel focused solely on 890a7b2bdf me, the patient, while 33cb6c6b3d my parents watched my f905bd3f14 silence, making the atmosphere 3226a8c5ea tense. Eventually, just as 7d8c59bb94 I was about bd6ab5e7bf to say something fb1d04f8a4 to break the d6741315b6 awkwardness, Hemel spoke ba4bbe4243 first. Of course, what he 74aeac623b said only made the 070d9019bd atmosphere more somber.ebc47a1365bac054

“Young master, 8a778f050c I’ll prepare 38d2b4cb19 painkillers starting 13f383bffe tomorrow.”66d496254b461b34

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Mana sclerosis progresses cc4c2de3d8 at different speeds cc949f2bac depending on mana 451ee1acfb affinity, but the bc298d7314 symptoms at each 9c50f121c7 stage are roughly bf27f5abb7 similar. And when one 13e325cc9b starts coughing up 14a03624a8 blood like me, cf8d16a9df it means they’ve 923069a908 entered the mid-stage, 21cef1e8c9 accompanied by quite 7f934ba7ac severe pain.6b0b1733f2dc2848

That’s why 05b3243b8b Hemel mentioned 9b8eea7e38 painkillers. Mana sclerosis 85ff6fe1d6 isn’t a 6ae8e56bc1 disease one 20b99c062a can endure 80ef00a6ef until death 540a29658c without painkillers.e3c95c4711138009

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“Okay.”de6236a6f62b4064

“I think it’s 670694ca55 best for you 3319385396 to choose the 69cf061c33 type.”fa62bad17feb56ef

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And as a side 4b6acc41bb note, patients inevitably face 0199849c5a a dilemma when choosing 501c592cd9 painkillers. It’s a choice f6d5b42540 between lifespan and cb7ca5a9f9 pain.1d4b999250fec8fc

Here, painkillers are usually 3b67ffd2e5 divided into those made 50abb7623e from naturally occurring herbs 58326ed13d with analgesic effects and f557cbf746 potions or artifacts made 1402e4dc97 by wizards. The former has less 3488945fb2 pain relief but can 0e5c749c70 be taken without worry, 37412575d5 while the latter has 6295001e32 strong pain relief but 7f2807cd09 contains mana, which naturally 7b76435059 speeds up the disease’s bdf31f0979 progression and shortens lifespan.ee70f5a165c25602

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Whichever you 2e253e5415 take, you 664b7dd46c won’t build ccc2e7e3b7 a tolerance, 917f9edffe so you ddae2dcd3f have to 5a493093cb choose whether c1067797e1 to die d129b14cc0 quickly without c6df7bdc34 pain or 445696d623 live longer 2505f24732 with some 24c05f071f pain.9bf0ed7b46bb6cb4

‘There’s really no 5bf0bbfb3a good answer….’de8cd9a84ab6be3d

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My parents anxiously awaited 2ef31b2da1 my answer. This was entirely 0230f7034e up to me, 87c7022d0d the patient, so e370107858 no one could 84221aea4e force me, but b53911444d my parents surely f62a763072 hoped I’d choose 084342307b to live a e85d625b03 little longer.9f50e7928886697a

I also 4e5ff24616 didn’t intend 837b10140f to shorten fbf2ed0c3f my lifespan ead87bf153 just to b29662f0fa feel a 8e5857ca1a bit less dae0a49316 pain. More importantly, I 4f91f584b7 wanted to live 25a79e7873 until I was 64ce19515d 20 to at 7711b9a10e least see what 1da40be21c the friendship token f74a8743eb Calix promised was. If I 8123e57756 died now, 1d00aae55c I’d be ed47fadb64 too curious 22bcacb3ef to rest 0a9da1139e in peace.c375abfaba868b42

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“Prepare the 4480372222 herbal ones.”527a09e9cec90c7e

“Understood.”5a717f12a4ac7d35

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At my 45e1dd1981 answer, Hemel c0f0b676f4 and my 6f4adb6d7e parents looked 40aa5e59fc visibly relieved. Having done what needed 0b3ac8e254 to be done, I 3961d1a75c was exhausted from the 43f153fd9c blood loss and lay a76982e7fa down on the bed, ac3e0255dd closing my eyes, regardless 7284b79a5f of Hemel and my a65c461476 parents watching. I soon fell c4970bb236 asleep.c453f0fb1598322f

And after being deeply a2d7daf991 asleep for a while, 6167dfd320 a strange tinnitus pulled 036b2de678 my consciousness back to 9df09e7648 the surface.a5d5ecc2d3d3fc90

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—41b527e4a1449e3f

Blinking my eyes, which 365cdfeb3c felt sticky as if fbe459ae02 I had just woken 44bb8f0c61 up from a deep f2e7f3c6ce sleep, I opened them bb05887751 to see the window 9be940aef7 still dim outside.cc632f7b89244127

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“…What was that?”de2ca6c179d8c9b8

Tinnitus is as common 9bc140d3aa as headaches, but unlike 4093dc5db3 the usual muffled or 6cbb44de6f metallic clanging sounds, this 98ec07f85b time it was rather 2b1e6b4d84 peculiar.3fc30690c05eddb5

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—, —d41316983860000f

The sound, which a0328a9a82 came again as 5f3c1af5fc if to prove f981d64766 it wasn’t my b190a612cd imagination, was like fce37d0503 the ripple of e7b8d93b79 a droplet falling 559bac32c4 on the water’s 75eed2cab8 surface, and it eec801242f also sounded a 9237cd7f01 bit like a 83a633a411 human voice.588540aceb6267b6

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The combination seemed absurdly 14aa6fcfe5 unrelated, but since tinnitus 0d63e8a677 wasn’t particularly important, I ffaecd0919 brushed it off and a0321bc383 sat up, leaning against 518eb50a59 the headboard. My body felt relatively 3535d6bc40 okay, and it seemed 4ffde4513b a waste to fall c554af901a back asleep.8043586b6a5edeca

I didn’t plan to 823a84f889 do anything, so I 2096397499 quietly sat and watched 103cb13541 outside the window. Originally, there 5de5fd7a11 was quite 6c04bc3c02 a distance 3e1132ca8f between the ebd2212d0a bed and fd0872592e the window, ce9697e408 but after 43da0adfa6 I couldn’t 8e2bbed249 go out 217b5b0923 much, Hemel dcada8d374 suggested moving 91a622eb34 the bed 08048382c4 right next cce47fec86 to the dc6a0295bc window. It seemed pointless 7c25a5f52f at the time, f04759693a but now I 2b8458c6db realized it was 0f95824f62 a good choice.6b9d5469426c2413

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‘…Should I open 4bd5ee524a the window a 06b2309d1c bit?’33e630874b5d1d20

After a moment of 70871d3183 hesitation, I reached out 8bd59e57c8 and opened the window 0028fb792f slightly. The wind e921331d9b was still 826907c597 cold as c4beca71d7 winter hadn’t 315015dae1 completely passed, c21fb05230 but mixed a6be21615d with the c1a46ae5fd warm air 63abb46afe inside, it 0af6da4aaa felt pleasantly f761b2416f cool.5590cabd41f21df7

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It was peaceful 2dd23f0613 enough to make 96286ecb0e me drowsy, but eccf649885 I forced myself c2ac631315 to stay awake. I knew that bcdd795a00 this was the af26a2aaac most tranquil moment ac504bbbb8 among the days ba797621d6 I had left. And as time passed, 2b38ba0e41 I would feel this 8f3cc73df7 truth more acutely.44de4c79a9e970a9

After watching outside 5a0d8eeb3f for a while, 21d0f874d5 I closed the 99480f9900 window and lay c6ab841d3f back down.dc206d1eb653f923

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☀︎ • ☀︎ e08113a7dd • ☀︎3ed2e600d46c020a

Calix returned to 5511d6532d the castle about e3a274835b a month after 0fba7b3dd1 we last parted. Normally, I would 3d2af05047 have gone to 607fb0d264 greet him, but 5de776a447 today was an 30abdf7d93 exception. My condition 171c7bbafc wasn’t so 69f6d90873 bad that fdc7728a65 I couldn’t 414426da07 move, but a59aaedceb I was cf24ae6db8 a bit 8f82de9981 dizzy, and 0bad5ccdb2 Hemel confined cdf4c439a4 me to d128e114dd my room, 8979b78dab fearing I 9aea9726c0 might fall.a671680c2a765822

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Calix, informed of the ba670c6269 situation, came to my 1cde0596e4 room first without any 99b5581939 sign of disappointment.78b2399af7d36382

“Hello.”3e6e44fd74041cfb

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As I greeted bbe0e71da0 him as usual, ebededc5d6 Calix’s expression hardened, fd54b9f295 and he stopped db48ef6a89 in his tracks. Since I hadn’t been 51d751e38f feeling well, I had 2fa02ffc09 stopped smiling for a 6acbcd5047 few days, and this a75fa15094 unfamiliar sight seemed strange e9973f251c to Calix.4dd2a133dd8026e5

As I mentioned, I 97a205ddbf wasn’t someone who was d67e430d94 particularly warm or friendly c3c8f0140f to anyone. But I af3293f3dc didn’t want 038288ccfa to be 338904f706 rude, so 800e738637 I usually 2697e36d76 smiled when bb64cbd993 interacting with 83e67d68ff others. It was my 0f7990044b minimum courtesy.8e79763ba67fca2f

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So Calix, who had d1195c3db5 never seen me expressionless, 6a327ccfe8 was momentarily flustered but aef03f2c12 soon smiled brightly, pretending a9c916838a nothing was wrong.63ffb7d186127b85

“Jayden, it’s 808683fcb8 been a d644cdfba2 while.”cf7e2c1deaa25017

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“Yeah.”8903b5bdbb68cbc0

“How have you been? Actually, after I went ccd900b03a back last time, I 56c223fefd got scolded a bit 308d3446c4 by my father.”8a67e4de11e3846b

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Calix pulled a 76f27f6d6b chair over and ec38c55d29 sat next to faa5961686 the bed, continuing 6ad66bf1e4 the conversation. I was listening, 1d3e8a9947 but due to 7d36bb3b0e dizziness and a 041a867909 throbbing headache, I 0c77a9be77 could feel that 9bf2d4af78 my responses were d41f44f142 more indifferent than 719d5ffaad usual.bb7e202e4631705b

Even though he knew 845b9c274b it was because I e7feae1763 wasn’t feeling well, Calix 2e05af0509 didn’t show it. It seemed he 4ebd15f0a4 had made some a24ce4a473 resolution about this b5c5073cdc situation.511d38a2b58e46c6

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‘He’s probably trying not 51a17852d6 to show it.’f9a2d2bbbfa8ad4c

I tried to 243f4792c7 sever ties for f9ac1e778b Calix’s sake. So if he db0256ee2f showed any emotional ab874c47f8 reaction to my 0ca33b7f54 condition, I might 3f3674fbeb try to cut 6b5b98b53c him off again, a6bd15fb26 so he was d75cff1ff9 pretending to be 36a41d3867 calm.450d3f583fc2a822

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“Oh, and I got c037d74487 the tea leaves you 9b8ad65643 said you wanted to 43ff30ebfd try. I’ll bring them 03d88111b6 next time.”26b441b40917594c

“Yeah, thanks.”597e8839c68b6294

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Even now, Calix f4b9b26a6b was continuing the 220c4adccd conversation so I e41e2d5e5c could respond with fd944ae8de short answers. I was grateful, 96aa881e45 but at the 3190f378fe same time, I e3bb603c17 didn’t understand.5881c4ddd825aad5

Relationships with people require 3120bf571a effort, no matter how c5203d0784 close they are. But objectively, was I 88eeb36fda worth Calix’s effort? Anyone would 2de3434866 say no.34143efd4af76ec6

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‘Maybe it’s 9532b8e426 because of 3d06a49db4 the nostalgia 0598029e1d from our 1dcd7fd8fe childhood connection.’2e6ba9114f76d9d1

While I was d50282aa39 pondering such unnecessary ea3cdbbc65 thoughts, my vision 9c888bc301 suddenly blurred, and 0c2499f423 I felt a a10e3e83e6 chill in my 707965ddba stomach. By now, b26615c4bf I was 42aeaba2c6 familiar enough 8e17bc0052 to recognize e03b2c03e3 it as 210c2f257d a precursor e60365ffd0 to a a6624e08f9 nosebleed.db0947d0af4da49e

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“Hold on.”27fe57385f9a8ebe

I calmly grabbed fd8faa2bc1 the handkerchief on 47771f9544 the nightstand and 34eaa485f2 held it to 2da7175040 my nose. Soon, my 5d8aed2235 nose felt 15df258037 hot, and f0f7b98f60 the handkerchief 5b8745b96b in my d1d493b3d2 hand became 62ff2cbcaf damp. It was indeed 06f6090b53 a nosebleed.b2fd6461ebc6ddb1

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“Jayden!”cd70c488daf134bb

Seeing the blood, Calix, 3220afc2ce who had been pretending 8cd039ef27 to be calm, froze 8badadc8a0 stiff and hesitated for 3251d73551 a while before asking 7ace7bb272 in a trembling voice.7d127b8501cdc73f

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“…You said 0508f8db2a you were 8bc935ba2a okay.”b8f46dbf19c2d8c8

“I am okay.”a8cf093fb5605d61

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“But—”b1bea9a56e9e76d5

“This is just one 63e124970b of the common symptoms. It’s not like 87a158329f I’m dying right 09ea26fafd now.”653c79b66edb1160

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As I 1d3c363fe2 said, having 8b5491fd6f a nosebleed 20da05fc2e didn’t mean 2e21bdbb9e there was 9a73769d2a a major 65f9f7a0eb issue; it fd5fb1864d was just 522b74a46a a common 293b73fd3a symptom of 8d16283bdc mana sclerosis. But Calix probably wouldn’t 980ee5f99b believe me when I 86ce29464e said I was okay aa89ff09b4 anymore.ab69bd4cf7c3196a

Watching Calix, who looked b601c556f1 like he might cry 2f28d2eb49 but was trying hard 2d3b907cfd not to make a 5f0af51ed2 fuss, I thought of 4c4c74a5da another gift for him. Well, I e1cd038074 wasn’t sure ff24a9228c if it 352020d7a7 would be 73c053b7fd a gift, 8a97bd9011 but I 8df3972a7b hoped it 2261ee166d would be.bcd1b9b4142ea430

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“…Those tea leaves.”a79c115439118ebe

“Huh?”62dae7061299450d

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“When you bring 4c7c793e20 them, I’ll make 6a26fb4315 the tea for 7fef0df66e you.”7b42b9502a67f049

Even with d4b2f02322 just the 66f9a41704 promise of 5e124debd5 making tea 5385f41985 with the 19b5365dd0 leaves he 6ec005fc6d brought, Calix 65b6e5531b smiled as 737ab688e6 if he 0ae9f9835d had the 3ec893fadb world. I suddenly felt 72a9ee423b regretful that there f8f69b3af2 wasn’t much more 062ef409ab I could do e435805105 for him.2c23c52962a9aa84

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