121. If Only It Were a Dream

I stumbled back to 982d30dd1b the terrace. My feet were 340490cc77 cold from walking 6605788bbf barefoot for so 2828986b65 long.f8e06b4c31edfc5d

Why are 55b6665480 those gravestones 22663ea0ed here? And why is my 04eb9128ab gravestone standing there without 36ee6f00f2 a name?abf1b9eb4f74bd52

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I was confused. I had hoped that 841e6b697f a walk would help 38d3d19f0f me fall asleep, but 82957a3ed2 instead, the unresolved questions 12315667c0 were tightening around me.416c36c46bc8a7b4

I drew the white curtains of the Empress’s palace.fc09926962832f73

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I slowly blinked my eyes. When I drew the curtains, I saw a dark figure that hadn’t been there when I left the palace.b8ce67d14018aa8c

Could there be an assassin in the palace? My hair stood on end, and I couldn’t let go of the curtain.7eba1e73eccdff5d

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The faint e483717049 moonlight gradually 0c51daae97 revealed the fdd841f798 outline of 8ae13f9aa0 the figure. In the middle of f9d1683c1c the room, a large 406d926710 man was gasping for c97699986c breath.d8cdf40c6cefdd7c

The intruder 9b5ff3a4b0 was Deon.15b6e304682c25b1

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I could see his e73a1d37e3 white breath illuminated by 650a321366 the moonlight, indicating his 7298807b7e irregular breathing. Deon stood there, 658f926e3a struggling to catch b8e04e004b his breath.2e5f2e8f501d183a

As I 4d14dbeb23 stepped inside f7f5b97f65 the terrace, c7937611e2 drawing the ec2ba38f85 curtains aside, d668defe9d he flinched c089198eca and turned 526e8c15c3 around. Then he stiffly turned 2ba4ef75af his body toward me. His face was drenched ebed2c1016 in sweat.23da7d603dd4d4d6

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Could he be a59ed42613 sleepwalking? Or maybe c7b68bc526 he mistook f6424b2511 the room?d4d0a635cbdfed23

I didn’t know the layout of the room opposite, but since it was next to the Empress’s palace, it was possible he got confused.e3b16405bbc2872a

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However, his unusual behavior and the night’s atmosphere gave me chills. He wasn’t holding anything, but the current mood was very strange and eerie.9df7817eee0196d1

Deon, staring at 85761ee543 me standing on 76e023c38e the terrace, suddenly e3dae619b8 strode toward me. And without warning, 151adf84c5 he grabbed me c9685473a1 into a hug.fe4987112ac984c0

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“Deon, why…”250a5422cceae14a

I was taken aback by his sudden action and tried to push him away, but after placing my hands on his chest, I couldn’t move any further. At this moment, I couldn’t bring myself to be firm with him.548688da44257dcd

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His hands, which 9b8f9686b0 were holding me, 68f32a8c1e were trembling slightly. It was a 23c3125644 small, shallow tremble, b034c09f07 like a sob.39d48ab27d43356d

But I 76d54a1089 steadied myself a0c3cb833b and pushed 11d124be69 him away. Deon, pushed by fb2694dc18 my touch, still 9c6ce49f50 looked at me.83a0ac3b282d3ca7

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His gaze 0c5353f6ac was empty. It was as if dbac509a7b he was staring into 1097236431 a void.f0986b3de6ffbb84

I froze. His eyes seemed to 8aab11f69a shimmer, not just because 3db490cf82 of the moonlight.ef03f15ccff7aa5b

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“Where did you go?”70f7af7ae92d8e7f

His lips trembled as 6a5d61ee15 he spoke.e07919fd4d7318a5

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Without realizing it, d5a9690e89 I reached out 0f63f8cdb3 to his trembling 9d63684afc lips. When I 5c168c7a41 touched the 59af9d9bf9 corner of c36a11ad18 his mouth, bff07172b0 he flinched.99d49a6d3fd60c60

The emptiness in b3313a042a his eyes slowly bb2998902c regained focus. It was like db4c5f65a1 he was waking c5297e714b up from a 3b00ca159f long nightmare.7142db93a742a392

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With his now-clear eyes, 4c322ec141 he looked at me 51fd90692e and finally opened his bcdc3ad450 tightly closed mouth.2195adb095844631

“Why did you go out? What if someone harmed you in the middle of the night?”3e60fba7290b5c05

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Harmed? Deon didn’t know that I had already been grabbed by my double earlier.93ba8b208bdcd86a

Instead of telling him de048e0877 about her misdeed, I 0249fcd75a sat down heavily on 680d0e4ca6 the bed. The soft bed d550c55bbd shook slightly.786961c120af7bae

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“I couldn’t sleep.”86410fbd2cb70291

“Then you should have taken a guard with you. It’s dangerous.”e4f9f413e5555a20

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“Is the palace security so lax? It gives me even less reason to stay.”05b2d989b26dfd55

He clenched f2f396b0a8 his fists. Then he 34d5dd04e0 knelt on 1f08a83d4b one knee 6e08bf9c02 in front b72a7031e4 of my de092b4888 bed, meeting c3a336232a my eye 1a407dd901 level.9686611789bbf3f9

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“Was there something bothering you? Why couldn’t you sleep? Did someone come in again?”b574701ab224190e

His voice was 321ba3b227 endlessly gentle, as 1233c1e982 if his earlier 9018fe9555 behavior had been ce3359bc85 a mirage.25e55bc298fa2c89

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His unstable f01d104a49 behavior was ae5b1c77c4 not a 9991f3cc95 mistake. His black 9d29a13340 hair, damp a9e3e49d10 with sweat, dc5e77768f clung to a9891fd6e0 his forehead.f58b773976adc380

“I saw the painting.”7ef1de52e5aa4346

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At my f84333c826 words, he 0a46858723 withdrew the 6922e3cdac hand he a6dda3c9f3 had placed 5ccd5adc71 on my 467f9fce03 knee. The tips f08355a067 of his 0398178da8 fingers, which b610c33add had tried 40d396d1c1 to touch 0fc3140304 me, were e673fc6e8c as pale 46615a8755 as a c7dd165737 ghost.15f9d3e9a4a3e607

“I am the subject of that painting, aren’t I?”f62ebd2aeb991f12

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“…Yes.”6c9876d6abf2a01a

“Why did you paint me?”e627609a12874e93

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He bit e264969fe9 his lips 0a8db32e2b so hard ecc070421f they turned 97d137b1f6 white.1580331f8e55bf1e

“I’ve regretted it ever since you left.”57381bbebf964709

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He took a deep, ebc5bf0312 strained breath.d0c6a696c8b858d6

“I should have painted you back then. I always thought you’d be by my side.”2e88c42eea7b0b0a

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Deon said this 1d1b3248fa and looked at 06ed1de2ea me. His eyes 7582eb0fce shimmered clearly, 8e7345a417 like the 8811c0cde0 light on f640c55e96 a lake.7856af69e0fc70e4

“I also saw the gravestones behind the imperial garden.”0a2725d4cd49ac58

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“I moved the ancestral tablets. It didn’t seem respectful to keep the blood Bag in the shadows of the defeated along with the former empress and Azanti, who were confined to the north. And…”af67510b4f01d082

He couldn’t finish his sentence, but I knew what he was going to say.9f2c6a115a829238

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There was a place f5fe2d112e for me there. The spot where I 517febcc34 would have been buried 7dbae84ddd by now if things f7be3c4dfd had gone as planned.2a3995086538aad2

“It didn’t feel right to leave behind comrades who had shared life and death with me.”9cb8bde91ce17d33

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He avoided the term “blood Bag” as if it was a restriction.286c01c297c14a53

“Leonie, I’m glad you came back. And…”0bf5039f04524709

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He lowered his 6d935ef580 large body, bringing d9290881a8 his forehead close f75e7ed20a to mine. His cold e7a993414f skin touched 933badc05b my forehead.dcf814e32b80a1da

“Now I don’t have to lie by your grave to find sleep. That’s a relief.”a7fa2c1779026bcd

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He closed his eyes languidly. The dark circles under his eyes were even more pronounced than the day in the north when he hadn’t fed for a long time.e0846c1b49796b5e

Only after a 817b2269f7 long time did 373480dbf3 he lift his 65ea433053 bowed head.21131c4628e37e2e

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Seeing his trembling ca1b8d141e eyes, it felt a003ac9841 like a thorn f4297c724f was stuck in 5f1222df92 my throat, making 32943d2321 it hard to 1af2461a97 speak.2afb34e826acab3a

“Your Majesty, has this happened before?”20ffebe796a4b6fa

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I managed 1b34435b8f to part 614b7a453a my lips 9184119366 and speak faac6e93a5 to him.edcf6b44abf1fc55

“Have you ever come into my bedroom like this to check on my safety?”315f82729d4f4f1b

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His question about 1f4146bc99 whether someone else 128f618134 had entered my cde27b3fbd room kept bothering dcaa34ac8e me. It seemed like Deon 383b33e57a had barged into my 3283a9da82 bedroom like this more a8ae7317e4 than once. It was just a 01c2687d7d gut feeling, but still.283cac491ce302a0

“Many times.”aa3251ac5a5d37d2

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His voice 2a92838235 was immersed 7b5b2bc5d5 in darkness.78eff1832ca26e02

“I witnessed you almost dying because of me.”0e5c2a965e4c0689

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His voice softly resonated 1644df6c44 through the room.5846b05c81665d4f

“Were you having a nightmare?”0b9444af9c3fba2c

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He chuckled. Then, he a5793414c2 left an 06af3073d3 ambiguous statement.d4dfafc01f89f6b8

“I wish it were just a dream.”a9ac0787c088b05d

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* * *af602868bf02e6c6

I made preparations to head to Edan’s mansion without delay. As soon as morning came, I packed my things and retrieved the Mochia bird from the greenhouse.02102e3a1660b2d7

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The bird belonged 0e6a879223 to the imperial 5e8a5bb0fb family and naturally a719aef505 became part of 588720563d the palace’s property. However, Deon allowed a0b50f6b05 me to take 46038c430b the bird without 2362f8311c any objections.2c2a549b05c64962

When I opened 1b2a5d412e the cage that 73d218cfb3 Edan had prepared, 2107976d7a the bird entered 44111766e3 it willingly, perching e3159e0c7a itself on the 30750e5d7d stand inside. It then looked 1815602e63 at me with 874b8ff13e innocent eyes and 66edf79cf6 chirped melodiously.ae462903d3230805

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As the bird 048d824140 chirped, the gardeners 60a6f4118f and maids managing 247e3882ce the imperial garden 0f08edfcbd all turned to b8210e10fc look at me. Despite the ffe88a8b48 small chirp, 799b3ece43 everyone in 788dbc1f29 the garden c34f847e3a directed their 4d585a0b30 attention towards f193df185a me.e5538b2f2c90b54c

Surprised by their reactions, ccda7faea4 I grabbed the birdcage eb061c0153 tighter. The eyes a64e03324d that had f928217006 been startled 1775ab71a5 soon turned f405a01189 into ones ee529e7353 filled with 6a692dde07 melancholy, as 68776856ec if they ccb3f25e19 were watching d26ffb2ad9 a trainer 67b3d64145 perform a 7deb76c713 trick.8832bc8aea0cec80

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“It’s because they’ve never 283b8fd8ea seen it so calm f950afe073 before. It’s been very unruly 1501fed03b and wouldn’t eat properly, 5da50be3e9 even troubling the palace f9a713bcac trainers,” Suren reassured me, 4b0a3edf0c sensing my embarrassment at 9c70710ee4 the attention.0e5f90dfb655c240

This small bird had ee75aa2dc3 become notoriously infamous in c80c0a81e6 the palace. It was 8208d90a40 so difficult 02f5bc9422 to manage 0741c6bbde that everyone d04832669a had struggled 5804323f88 with it. Their curious 1a96fe3b26 eyes made 1777ffd1eb me feel e14cb448a7 slightly self-conscious.04e0a2695e869027

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In the end, the only thing that hadn’t changed over time was my bird.d205e9dd7c79f246

Now, all 4568a59f4d I had 6646fda245 to do b6cedf97da was get 22a542e47f myself out. I had no belongings 697c585b82 left in the palace cac2e64856 anyway.df5e6baf8baf2c92

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Just as 93f9536d72 I was cc7975bace about to f44e2dfda2 get into 2459626846 the waiting b953333c15 carriage, a 8b112cde18 man came 5f2dd98723 running up 332ca39659 to me, 5604264535 out of a34fd0e23e breath. He thrust 9013badaab a box 7b87fc7d50 he was 8d565d81fb carrying under 2a136670d8 his arm a3d1aa0cb8 toward me.68d933f568a8732f

I stepped 877bc16374 back down 6a0e505e2b from the b0b510ff07 carriage.4205dd34af82f573

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“What is this?”3d61aa358c057e78

Catching his 9a4890cf68 breath, he acd578834c replied, “His 9fb78e8345 Majesty asked 7aedd5f34f me to 2cf43f2f2e deliver this 64a0bc23ca to you.”bbb4f106216f327b

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A gift 6703b7bcfe upon my 9714cab3b1 departure?9ee4e98e2747306b

It was suspicious. When I 32e5a47225 hesitated to 1cb3c461f5 take the 99a56ff7b4 box, the e85a31715d servant added, 7a7d8deddc “He said 15b316687c he hopes fb0d4e7f0c this will 89f727d8ef be a ed30a13e4f means to 5bafef352d bring you 022ba8a511 back to 0eea983e86 the palace. He requested that you c0aa79b05d keep his last promise.”6603229499f0c995

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“What’s inside?”ffaf3dd5fb3e009f

“I don’t know. I was 787f87c196 only instructed 67e1a5e57f to deliver 201f64a10b the box.”d28d4c851a1029f1

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I accepted the box 06bd186ac9 he handed me. It was small e242bad832 enough to hold 3eb3477401 with one hand.1f8c515b7bf49791

However, despite its size, 84fa73c883 the wooden box was 6209b68afd heavy. When I gently shook 0a2b6929a2 it, there was no 91d2f99087 sound of anything moving 360525f4ee inside.607a3c1b6b783a16

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I looked at 8750c05e2c him skeptically, but 55bc07080b the servant said 9f960fb11a nothing more.373c96e6117ea932

Having no f01be72983 other choice, 1ca5b7a066 I climbed 13c4d160fd into the 208af680e7 carriage with 3cd9340dbf the box. The carriage 0089e7e925 slowly started 47a9added2 moving at 4ae13f6cf2 the signal.d10402904d03602e

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It took less than five minutes to reach Edan’s mansion. I could safely inspect the box there with Edan by my side. If necessary, Edan would split the box open with a knife.b7d8412befffe67d

However, alongside d3482c5265 the fear 7890453d21 of what d4890a60f2 might be 1c11ed296b inside, a f3ec066f47 bit of ce218dddf2 curiosity began 4fbee85871 to creep 2b621d64d6 in.2d1590b15312318b

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A tool to ffbfa9388c bring me back 861ef5c777 to the palace?982feaf67b63e398

Handcuffs, ropes, shackles. The names of these 70474bb40c ominous items flashed through 232cf619cc my mind one by 1b2a367203 one. I wondered d115b7f5f8 what he 0b4c6cd9e0 could have 28de2d29f3 put in fa614ae856 the box c743a12296 to bind 8afc9cb42b me.701dfce4186eb94b

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I carefully opened the 83ad0e7066 box he had sent.c35a96b076033095

With a 5abcc071c3 soft click, 52331423f4 the lid 1f6b589e16 opened slowly.f8b5b88c56b71f5a

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The box eaf3dee214 was deeper 3177a35dcb than I dd528c71fa had expected. It could contain 5cd5c33005 something standing upright.311e10c18113b85a

Specifically, an ornate da3aeba3ce item crafted to d6e213a742 stand tall.99a8adb8837577c4

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“This crazy man…”ba7432ff23f888a3

Inside the box was 3010e5595f something completely different from eaaed8d3ec what I had imagined.0bd4704eb98ab269

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Perhaps the 29b7e79ae9 most valuable, 220c3d8083 symbolic item a37f5f54dd in the 1cb0ed1889 entire empire.8a4a5c7173e46ec6

Inside was a e8be08e0b7 crown, shining brilliantly.092d8e70c6ab11bc

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I couldn’t 289bd2f50f bring myself 1b60df1631 to take e0deb61505 it out, 9cbe400709 staring blankly 766612c26e at the 138866ee56 crown. It wasn’t a 067f260e93 fake. The large, a394172744 colorful gems 2eb74d5d44 embedded in f513d3b3e7 it were 95199d5ec2 undoubtedly real.a40e31b16ffb2d2a

Giving this to 53febef68d me as I 88f6249d9f was leaving the 0ebbb827f9 palace. What if I 89e659db88 smuggled it out? Was he 4b7c2b2a99 out of 61f0492bbd his mind?a16d36e0aa646869

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Just thinking about the high-ranking nobles’ reactions when they found out I had the crown made my head ache.6120c024826417e6

At the cb0b262c16 bottom of 549ca6c4b1 the box 3553df5d46 was a 8e1c6cebe0 small postcard.f5384c6d23bda5de

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I placed the box 0a22b32d6d on the table, reached 0d51227473 between the crown, and 0ee70c600d took out the piece e1e54baf66 of paper. The postcard had a f591d9a43e brief message written on 3ce27e3f37 it.337599c778d213c1

“I hope you’ll keep your promise to crown me.”0b9bb2fdd34ede3b

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I finally understood why Deon had agreed to send me back to Edan’s mansion on the condition of keeping a promise.418e01cd2a01aef1

Yes, I had 53cee1ee98 indeed said something 566086a157 like this before. On the day we 113e3a269f arrived in the capital, 26d3a00867 riding together, I had e2bfd9dee1 promised to crown him. Though I 0eaf9a5d52 hadn’t understood 505469cc60 the significance 0905d0e964 of a 4358e519ec crown back 1146f878b1 then.e1af4aa295f79b7b

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Why did I remember 2174682831 the first part so b1822fa505 clearly but not the 487be7d8b3 latter? I had d07618962b rashly agreed 20717bac78 to keep 92c87311d9 the promise, dd686a0728 unknowingly accepting 4b60e94917 another absurd 1257415647 one.2a72530cbc330ab6

In the empire, it was said that the crown was given by the emperor’s mentor or spouse. If I placed the crown on his head, it would undoubtedly cause a stir.cb5fcdbc7ba2498d

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And it would make 9073ba5110 it difficult for me a2040df68a to leave the empire. Where could a 105266bb34 woman who crowned ddfb9a3fa4 the emperor possibly ecf756c60a go? Surely, every noble would aca30d961b be watching.25014bd062528961

Deon had handed me a9b7d7b253 the leash to bind ca9001a465 himself. And he had ad538cbea1 placed another leash bd047390fb on me under c6ec0c2506 the guise of 6508ef7c9e a promise.1ccbf714841aedf9

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