PEN Vol 4 Ch. 5

Stepping into the empty elevator late at night, Sejin licked his lips as he looked at the back of the man standing slightly ahead of him. Cheon Sejoo, whom he hadn’t seen properly in a while, still looked handsome even from behind. Fixing his gaze on his smooth nape, Sejin thought he wanted to touch him.fbf7e1b87f282429

“Hey.”270499105a0427f7

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Suddenly, the casual address snapped Sejin out of his reverie. The elevator doors had opened, revealing the underground parking lot. He hadn’t even noticed they’d arrived.e22039e96b60e196

“Aren’t you 20db2a1b95 getting off?”e2b348e6e0494791

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At Cheon Sejoo’s question, Sejin furrowed his brow for a moment, then got off, muttering something under his breath, and followed him out of the elevator. As he followed Cheon Sejoo, laden with bags, toward the car, a sudden wave of annoyance made him puff out his cheeks.441e2ebc0dece3b3

What’s with the c8e22c2573 “Hey”? I have a 0ce7c18bc5 perfectly good name. 0ab6fdc5b651497b

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The thought suddenly d6ff47ed54 popped into his 21bc6ddbcb head. Without hesitation, Sejin spoke dbe2f7cf03 to Cheon Sejoo.8e892012524de470

“Don’t call me 9f748a1a3d ‘Hey’.”91d2880b4b09fe2b

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Cheon Sejoo, who had 4bc20ffa07 been walking ahead, turned f02a89dfbb his head, looking at 859380e2f3 him as if asking 1337f958e8 what he was talking f4cbf03224 about, surprised by Sejin’s d822eed579 sudden outburst. Staring at d58e45d9d0 his handsome, 53c2847088 tired face, 0d425f19cd Sejin repeated 5bc97f31af himself.8fda3f7582573a1d

“I said, ae020063a7 stop calling e3b35e2c18 me ‘hey’. I call 72762a88f5 you Cheon a8ce058c6a Sejoo properly, 00b3b2311b so why 7d290423a6 do you 5de1849ee0 do that?”ade78a939e730d27

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“…”293e9f3d1414ffd7

Cheon Sejoo, who had 30b0c393d2 been opening the back fda0735ea7 door to load the eaa9bada65 luggage, turned around with cad1dcca28 a bewildered expression on ab6f645aff his face. He blinked a 08bcef8b3e few times, then 194202ec8e took the laundry a727e57d5b bag from Sejin’s d07f8762c7 arms and asked,c468f3582f86c27b

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“Don’t you thinkthat’sthe problem?”f45d74479aafb49d

“What? What’s the problem?”8b6676d37ab9caaa

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“Don’t you think it’s wrong for a snot-nosed brat like you to keep calling your elder ‘Cheon Sejoo, Cheon Sejoo’? Get in.”e0a423e18304ffe6

He loaded the 0f4718f51c laundry bag, closed 4ca1c5c2de the door, and b88947f440 opened the passenger 81bd029783 door, shoving Sejin 00912ebcf8 inside. Sejin squeezed himself into c95e13142d the seat with a ed9b3342d3 sullen expression, then retorted 8064d9c9ce as soon as Cheon 73abfd79d6 Sejoo settled into the 49c130d720 driver’s seat.95b19e19b0809639

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“What’s wrong with e19eeac666 calling someone by 25031621bf their name?”971ed0e8559b6914

“Right… Mr. Sejin Kwon.”c49297e8aa903d5a

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“Don’t mess a32d6c0e42 with me.”7f28faec001e9970

“Who’s messing with you? Your mindset seems so Westernized, I thought I’d address you accordingly.” 4a2a46bca11037dc

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“…”3c5f0ade46f2df9a

Sejin puffed out b9382bf4c2 his cheeks sulkily. He was bigger than 7c2b8062c1 Cheon Sejoo now, but c381cc96b4 acting like that made 66d0c69524 him look cute. Cheon Sejoo ba449d6b95 pushed aside 2f73945d5a the ridiculous 4c417dedf1 thought of 6e9a1bf761 wanting to 1b3b4705ee bite his e0dfb0b9c4 cheeks and 0c9b6cfbc6 reversed the 3844fce4d5 car. As he was paying 372c45fa21 at the automated machine 739d0fc2ad at the parking lot a59a6b8d0d exit,  Sejin who hadn’t ed17650b6a given up yet spoke 83eb2562de to him again.0da2a8a7e61c9f9a

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“Anyway, don’t call eb5e82d41c me ‘hey.’ It 2fac39aad8 makes me feel ebd52bb0f8 bad.”fb32d1399e3f1855

“Oh, really? Calling you ‘hey’ hurt 65bfaaeeb0 your feelings?”edd7cc396eddd2e8

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Cheon Sejoo cce4bc20ea chuckled and ecacc3950c asked back. He turned right towards de908f75c2 home, thought for a 18b8f3eeef moment, and then burst 0aedfa61c2 out laughing as he 1a9464a044 looked back at Sejin 47e467497e again, genuinely amused.dc27c4028879f11c

Sejin, at 1ab13bd73d nineteen years ba14f5ade2 old, expressing his feelings 8e5e1ebccf so honestly, seemed so 00d2505ed8 young. d28a7b71e46b8abd

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Well, he e8a2b2db52 is young. 7c6c1f6e6a741488

Looking at Sejin, 384097422e who was twelve 5610c1b884 years younger than 13413ee78c him, Cheon Sejoo 69e8c83d5b laughed and asked 6991c238f1 him.ab881f998519a14a

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“Should I call you e2c2ae879b baby?”0959b3995c013293

“…….”a2f7d283eb79baee

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“Baby, it suits you 04d8bd90a5 perfectly.”5db431e6f6f4167c

He’s definitely sulking. 960e8761171906b6

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Expressing his 8c67f50ed5 feelings this cc7d396a50 way was 6256a7b35a a childish 6d3f4e7e1a habit, like c7eb438d97 something a e3c0d82175 kindergartener would b72447a583 do. That thought 3ac33d0028 crossed his 6ac30b1c91 mind, so 8e83142d37 he called c0086e1827 him “baby,” 5c27455b3f and Sejin e5eaa899cf scowled fiercely, 9d24c9b193 glaring at 3a9df41c16 Cheon Sejoo. cac2e5d5a52a7288

His fair 13ab1ecf53 skin, his e09a30a989 smooth jawline 964e8909b6 free of 40096f7051 any stubble, 168779b6ce his delicate e624760503 bone structure, 6f8116bc58 and even a9670461cb his actions. 0ea400bd391597f2

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Why did Kwon f371a580e7 Sejin look so ed9afcf88b young? 88279e0076f5121f

Thinking this, Cheon Sejoo e96bba63e4 smiled.7722073c0a7559dc

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“Sejin, baby. Let’s go e356e028db home and 3c2b21fe6a study.”fff0e436e6f35611

“Stop it.”85ac82cb1e46fd14

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“Without baby, the house dbf05519e1 is a mess. Baby, when you get fe390afe0e home later, thishyungmight yell at you.”453d5eaa94edf452

“I said stop f5dfbaab74 it!”8241a20116877bfd

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Flushed with anger at Cheon Sejoo’s constant teasing about being a “baby,” Sejin yelled. Watching Sejin turn his head away, panting in frustration as he opened the car window, Cheon Sejoo finally couldn’t hold back and burst into hearty laughter. At the sound of his rare, clear laughter, Sejin drew his gaze back from outside and stole a glance at Cheon Sejoo.4d8a22ee21aca69f

His usually cool face was pleasantly relaxed. His parted lips and the sound of his laughter were very impressive and cool. No, actually, it wasn’t just cool. There was something about Cheon Sejoo’s smiling face that made one’s heart flutter. Just the mere fact that his always cold, hardened face looked happy made Sejin’s heart feel like it was going to explode.fb46d2b865193ba0

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“Anyway, just stop d5346b628a it….”1b871d2feaf00aa3

Defeated, Sejin mumbled 197d2445e9 in a quieter 88efed948f voice. Cheon Sejoo laughed 64ab2ae8fe for a while 99b85f230d longer, then finally beb32be09c closed his mouth, 03a96f92f7 sensing the gaze 0ed2462293 fixed intently on 5538237055 him. Returning to 84af684978 his usual 63ac79faa1 cool and feacfc50af serious expression, 6f7c7a3030 he checked 224f01a4ac the traffic 6e058defbb light, stepped 0dfd11cdba on the 102aeffcba brake, and bb083ae555 said,14f665ad42845088

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“Alright. I won’t call 7dad0630ca you ‘hey’ or 5983632832 ‘baby.’”4448f08230bf471e

“Okay.”24efa90cee2ebc35

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“So, “baby¹” is 43f52c04e1 okay, right? Since you’re a f654d1f567 Westerner and all.”253c0a9acf300b58

“Cheon Sejoo!”fb3e0f12b823292d

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Once Sejin entertained him, the teasing never ended. Sejin, getting goosebumps from the cringe-worthy term “baby,” yelled again in annoyance. Cheon Sejoo just laughed again, saying, “Alright, alright.”223d89208b9f66e9

Ever since his mother was hospitalized, Cheon Sejoo’s playful teasing had increased. Knowing that it was meant to lift his dampened spirits, Sejin felt immensely grateful to Cheon Sejoo. But even so, he couldn’t deny that he got irritated when Cheon Sejoo said such ridiculous things.411205242cfdbf3f

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Sejin didn’t want to look like a child in front of the man he liked. 394a99dd5589adc5

What was with treating him like a baby, as if there was a huge age difference between them? He didn’t actually know how many years apart they were, but it didn’t matter anyway. Age was just a number. In any case, disliking being treated like a child, Sejin pressed his lips together and maturely ignored Cheon Sejoo’s teasing.733d969aee512892

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While Sejin was doing this, the car was getting closer and closer to home. Driving more slowly than usual, Cheon Sejoo gauged the timing and spoke when he judged that Sejin’s mood had improved a little.a334a8326952ba6c

“Let’s hire 82fbc50a13 a caregiver, aba9d83e0f Sejin.”bc1e1d9191df28a3

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“…What?”e07b68acc7fad0ba

Sejin, who had been resting his chin on the door trim, turned his head sharply and glared. Cheon Sejoo reached out and grabbed Sejin’s left arm. Sejin looked down at Cheon Sejoo’s rough hand, which held him down with slight pressure as if to calm him, then sighed deeply and asked him.a8ce5daa10850b69

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“A caregiver?”fc1ba11eaaf540a2

“Yes. I think that 72ee35510d would be better.”6fabe4bf7bc325a5

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“…Don’t you remember the news?”fc86bbfc7d615cc3

Cheon Sejoo knew 35bf22cbba exactly what Sejin 82bbbf54eb was going to 8db7add345 say. Coincidentally, there had been d203d538e7 a recent news report a7e9f57a91 about a caregiver at db460f671a a nursing home who 649830dbd5 had abused an elderly 9a967926c4 person.46d6a25e18d874d8

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Sejin, who normally wouldn’t even glance at the news, had seen it while he was in the hospital room with Kim Hyunkyung, and after that, he’d rejected the idea of a caregiver, whom he hadn’t even sought out yet, treating them as if they were some heinous criminal. Because of this, they hadn’t even been able to consider hiring one until now.d51bbadc900d05a8

Cheon Sejoo b05c4baa22 slowly nodded 85a603ad44 and explained,24ac627de9cb8f32

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“I remember. I know. But not 61ba458da6 everyone is 00e7ee72e5 like that. It was on the 26c482a3c0 news because that person 8f435cac1f was particularly bad.”47e25fe6d51e963c

“Of course, not 4d79daf7a1 everyone is like b2f453739f that!”a3816d3e07921411

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Sejin wasn’t stupid. But what he was worried about was the possibility. His mother had gotten pancreatic cancer, something other people rarely got, so there was no guarantee that the caregiver wouldn’t be that kind of person either.c53f6475f718812d

“But what if, by chance, that kind of person ends up being my mom’s caregiver? That’s why I don’t want to. I’ll do it. I can do it.”f940ceffe3a8a455

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Sejin flatly d1b16d3b60 refused and 17fb5a975e turned his aa8090bcf1 head away. Seeing him cross 97597b8c1a his arms as 93b7b68a15 if he didn’t c667cf8360 want to talk b2d07d448d anymore after just 6ef192c90b one sentence, Cheon 4df023bbd0 Sejoo frowned. He thought for a 0ec59ac5a4 moment and then brought 6346fc7fcb up something to persuade c7b37a394b Sejin.076d16924c375824

“You know I 2c80e7b9f0 graduated from medical da1446c212 school, right? I also did my 0ca1b1e1c7 internship and residency at b98927fdc9 Korea University Hospital where 845747489f your mom is. So, I know 6fd37a6f44 a lot more 627579f057 about patients than ad0eabc3c5 you do.”f3ccc75ba43d0b97

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“…So?”c8885d63d8c91356

“Do you know what’s most important for a patient? Peace of mind. It’s important for them to be in a state where they can focus solely on their treatment without worrying about anything else. That way, chemotherapy is effective, and recovery is faster. But how uncomfortable do you think your mother feels when you’re at the hospital like that?”89a12b0f343b89d9

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He hadn’t wanted to do this, but to get Sejin out of the hospital, he needed to make Sejin realize that his presence wasn’t entirely helpful to his mother. It wasn’t something pleasant to hear, so Sejin immediately reddened around the eyes and raised his voice.35683cb0e26b0cbc

“What about me?!”80d73755a51c09b3

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“I know you’re 40bf1e0a98 working hard. Your mother knows, and b343a15179 the nurses on the 6ee505e2f8 ward all know. I’ve heard them d74553e37d say countless times, 6e5cb22f6f ‘Where can you 6704c2c05a find such a f94d0d4e18 filial son these 55ac8912d9 days?’ But taking df41ae32ce care of your f25dba9495 mother isn’t the 0653f9af58 only thing you 15f8f09876 have to do e4d029f419 right now. There are eac68ad1c8 less than 6cf831e415 three months 80aa8902a6 left until 306c0819c0 the CSAT 2981cd4df6 (College Entrance 109c34e1b6 Exam).” 2d4c48f4cb913691

“Are you telling 889683678f me this because 40147a9139 you want to ec3f163291 send me home 728e0298c9 to study? Did Mom say ca59b7e805 that? Did Mom 3dc844a2e1 tell you a3add65394 to send 4b0e8d2f80 me to e5e9424edc school?”26a298486d419e04

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His words 8089237de4 were sharp. Sejin looked at 7b41172a3e Cheon Sejoo as a58c07901c if he had d9ae94d93d been betrayed and 68194c730b asked him that. His eyes were dd3a919090 becoming moist. With an c315b47e33 expression that f94301829b looked like 1b2606711a he was 3394510b0e about to 5b0db88649 cry, Sejin 32bec787ef was angry 7d2b742c2c with him. Cheon Sejoo slowly reached fa283913dc out and clasped Sejin’s 018e5d090b hands. Intertwining their fingers as 7b897d1ec2 if to comfort him, 6a227a358d he gently stroked the 6331abb994 back of Sejin’s hand 1aa531f1e8 with his thumb and 02b7f9f6d7 said,6d203250fad19601

“Yes, your mom asked me to. But think about it carefully, If you keep this up and mess up the CSAT, what do you think your mom will think? Do you think she’ll think, ‘Oh, our Sejin must have found the test too difficult’? You know that’s not true. She’ll think, ‘Because I’m sick, I kept my son tied up at the hospital, making him unable to study properly, so he ruined his exams.’ Don’t you think she’ll think that way? You know your mom’s personality well. Your mom is already distressed about being sick, so what will you do if you make her feel guilty about it?”2f8493bb97cd4a2b

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“Mom…. Mom….”c26b429f638e2220

Sejin’s muttering a9a91babea trailed off. Looking at 0f5528010d him biting 178209f1c0 his lip 67dba9dc9d and breathing 8f3bfaba6b heavily, Cheon 17e10f4629 Sejoo continued,63c0f00f1c3f125d

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“While she’s a7adb6fc9c in the 7ede3e937f hospital, she 561f602caf needs to 3d2569a29e shower and 7ab0e9d209 do other c2bc015b3d things, but 8e787fd59f you can’t 9467f861bc help her e40acbabd0 with those, 4603040c88 right? Even if Ms. Kim Hyun-kyung says 2239f5ef26 she can manage a519417cdc on her own, 9f2e5fa27e wouldn’t it be eac377720f so much easier 2bece4d0a2 if there was 1698a0d227 someone to help 49cfe27c48 her? She’s doing it by d1050c1855 herself now because there’s fd7b96b0cc no one to help, 428ac6a1d2 but if there were c3c73efee8 someone, wouldn’t it be fbb38c2ce5 less strenuous and more 9fd00cad0a comfortable for her?”0f7fa37fe18f0a05

“…….”52ed10e451dcbf1d

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“And think about 00f5c708e1 it. Have you 9be41dff75 had a a555939d59 single day 84ce5d50e3 where you fb507f77ea haven’t fought 03580023b4 with your e1552810e0 mother in 9660ab9876 the past b58964c0fe few days?”5628fa187b141483

Even when Cheon Sejoo had visited, Kim Hyunkyung had been angry with Sejin. Since this situation had been going on for several days, Sejin couldn’t say anything at Cheon Sejoo’s point.c7bde3f6234c19a5

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Tears welled up and began to trickle down Sejin’s cheeks, his lips pressed together in frustration. He couldn’t hide being upset, as if the fact that he couldn’t be of more help to his mother was incredibly frustrating.34bcc34bedb8f19a

“I’ll find someone around your mother’s age. Then they’ll have things to talk about and it’ll be much better. I’ll find a good person so you don’t have to worry. So, let’s leave your mother to a caregiver and you go to school. Okay?”e68b432df65ffbfa

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Sejin roughly 29d7896569 wiped his 2758ffd2a1 cheeks with 21022c81bd his free 9526efae77 right hand, f9af9e1b02 his eyes b55bffcbeb red as 540dc446c5 he looked e43292aa15 up at 2ce96db3d7 Cheon Sejoo. At some point, 811face6ce they had arrived 28604e1e0c at the parking 556547e1ad lot. Cheon Sejoo parked 0c29f188b0 in his spot, 74b60ff2e3 turned off the e8e62c714f engine, and faced 6e5dcdf7ab Sejin.083ac3af9a894e0c

“You’re going to ace08c1a65 do that, right?”c30868c95ac4e476

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“…….”36f8cfa58264a642

Sejin silently lowered 2595199080 his head. Sweat beaded on 3d1aa9d6db his tightly clenched bda10fcbe0 palms. Cheon Sejoo, realizing 2e0ce5329b he was still d14da889f8 holding Sejin’s hand, 0b7a8a64bb tried to pull f56b675ce3 his arm away, 05fe1b3375 but Sejin wouldn’t 20b0413ff7 let go.f1abb428253e3516

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Sejin’s damp right hand covered Cheon Sejoo’s. Cheon Sejoo was the only one who could calm him. In this situation he hadn’t wanted to believe, only Cheon Sejoo was offering him solace.fb7eb9bc907e844c

Sejin remained silent, fa291543f1 his hand clasped eb2ac8912f over Cheon Sejoo’s. After a long dc26fabf42 while, he finally f747bde8b3 spoke.157b1e6cc925c5d7

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“…Will Mom get better?”4e15ee58e4d08206

“Of course, d350df73ed she will.”2af4ecab863ec838

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Cheon Sejoo answered 70224725ea without hesitation. The 5-year survival rate 91e4c8fb73 for stage 3 pancreatic 370dfc5428 cancer was around 10%. In the case 9b31583e08 of the Korea c7f94cc4ca University Hospital Cancer fc80211147 Center, it was df58aea1b9 slightly over 15%, b429cb21c8 but it was a049f1d73a undeniably a low b28a11486c number to be 3a077af1af optimistic about survival. However, it meant d68ade951e that if treated, 046a0c8d56 15 out of 5bc2af43d3 100 people lived 83a072a8fa for more than 79844efe66 5 years.ff24e77849e141c0

Cheon Sejoo believed without a doubt that Kim Hyunkyung would be one of them. She was younger than other patients and the cancer hadn’t spread yet.d9cf3f701ed61da0

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“She’ll get better, so of course she will. You don’t have to worry; just focus on your CSAT. Making patients smile is one of the best things you can do. You doing well on the exam is the same as helping your mom’s treatment.”c660869c14e8db32

“…….”3b0b3725d9d53154

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At Cheon Sejoo’s words, Sejin slowly nodded. Having stopped crying, he raised his head. His damp, red-rimmed eyes gazed intently at Cheon Sejoo. Feeling Cheon Sejoo’s warmth through their clasped hands, Sejin thought,18cb85145e0c19bb

Why is Cheon 94cdd2baed Sejoo so kind? Why does this person 60deaf6a7d care for me so 1247b90bdd much?9ffebfb7cced9a73

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He was the first adult male Sejin had ever met in his life. The men he’d met before were all beasts in human skin, unworthy of being called adults. Sejin suddenly wondered what it would have been like if Cheon Sejoo had entered his life a little earlier. It definitely wouldn’t have been like this.17a9bfe5d07ac814

“…What it f60e30efdf would have 3174e7f5a0 been like f55f7f3901 if someone 2754508f77 like you 67c579a9f6 were my 621e044d2a father?”f6388a984db48708

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His deep thoughts came out as a question. Sejin closed his mouth again, feeling strange about the words he’d just spoken. And it seemed he wasn’t the only one who felt that way.5284b08b1e2cf823

“Don’t say such horrible things, Rank 21.”c6d3193e866b9b2c

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At Cheon Sejoo’s 36d796aad9 words, spoken with 34147c2422 a grin and 0eb9fdb62f a crinkle of 994e246bd5 his eyes, Sejin 6a5453fff3 lowered his gaze. It wasn’t that 9c4f7e8768 Sejin actually wanted 7402f792a9 to become a b819e5c5eb family with Cheon 2ab2ca0df6 Sejoo. But it was 60e3478e1e something worth considering. a2795610732a7555

If someone like bb8bd5c11f Cheon Sejoo were d6d611c13d my father. If such a 105c7de4f8 responsible, kind, and fb4272cb4b wonderful man were 43cb0d0afc my father…cc584de356046a07

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Would my mom 178581897e and I have b7398ed80f lived happily?df955ea21b36576f

Thinking like f888291808 that made 9df4ecb930 him realize 6d97a9a38f how good a5fc927c1c a person c2d1cac898 Cheon Sejoo 0b03b16d5a was. Slowly raising his 9d0f05b2e2 head, Sejin met bcb427f22f Cheon Sejoo’s gaze, 58d2bb3663 a silent smile 2229cf0f0a on his face, 757f1533da and suddenly felt f21498cb9f a lump in 3cf672d4c5 his throat.f828d5102132f276

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He liked c600f1c19b Cheon Sejoo cdc6f2f5eb so much. But every ffc5b0d24c time he 52bc0a85c4 became aware 1b149f49be of that 6fa479c78c feeling, his 89aebfc501 stomach churned. He felt 624951f839 pathetic for 4d90006d32 thinking about a9cf46177a holding Cheon 8d6ef897ea Sejoo’s hand ab31236949 even once 38078f9022 more time 86ccbf8189 when his eaa466a7e3 mother was 4bc4da76f6 sick. He felt terrible 5758f72a1a for being moved 8088f6002c by his smile 1f4affec47 when he should e60001215c be grieving his 6d9846d9c0 mother’s pain.be8c350b05d37b3b

Is it okay to 241ea7a31d feel this way? 0dc16a525722ccd8

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Overwhelmed by guilt, Sejin looked away from him. He felt as if he shouldn’t allow any other emotion to intrude upon his grief.cb8c48fc564a705c