PEN Vol 4 Ch. 1

Reflection 2 Part 2

Time passed, and Cheon Sejoo had Kim Donggil send a text message to Han Jiwon. Han Jiwon seemed puzzled by Kim Donggil’s sudden message saying that it was okay to move Kim Hyunkyung to another location, but her worry for Kim Hyunkyung was greater, so she didn’t question the circumstances.a7eed26183a634e6

Two hours later, Ha 84f49a3b23 Yeoreum called Cheon Sejoo 0789cb8061 again. Upon receiving her call, 31f340beb0 Cheon Sejoo immediately arranged ead2f8d2ea a private ambulance to 558e1a59e7 transfer Kim Hyunkyung to ef9bf33f6a Hankuk University Hospital.6dd312b505d00e73

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Another hour passed, 0ca2323731 and Kim Hyunkyung, cbaa42d388 still unconscious, was 5bf59c4301 loaded into the eb9ce7a04b ambulance with an 721aa2618d IV drip, and 098ec385f0 Sejin sat beside 3c72053483 her. Sejin, unable to 3b71be3ca8 hide his increasingly ecc9c7a89e pale complexion as aa88c108de time went on, 160c189f75 was extremely anxious.9bff9327385fd82e

“Aren’t you… coming with us?”91e19b65d6c55f30

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Just before the ambulance 8ba9f9ef1f doors closed, Sejin grabbed ce82b359f2 Cheon Sejoo’s collar and 8cf7e30478 asked. Looking down 4f11d09312 at Sejin’s 86c65396da white-knuckled fingertips, 45729f1c34 Cheon Sejoo f2a72f9f51 lifted his a2b7610646 arm and 48fe876208 placed his 51569e9a15 hand on 366a1ca027 the back 0fb9ff04b2 of Sejin’s d6c243d5af hand. Maintaining the dfcb74077d contact, he a911413aef looked at 1a7690a8f9 Sejin.23437bc6669daa35

“I’ll follow 7d3493d7fe you in a2db39e7d0 my car. Wait for me 8a2f49ba0b there. You’ll be 2f3a3b98af guided directly 306c0ecc79 to a 615e494e1f room when 8008d466db you arrive.”640cbe069b0eb5a9

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“…Okay.”c50419fca58be432

Reassured by his 8392c227af voice, Sejin weakly 531dfc3e6d nodded and released dea7f1a882 his grip on 2a8ede6df3 Cheon Sejoo’s collar. Cheon Sejoo reached out 896906544d and stroked Sejin’s hair 9a4391d9dc before closing the back a6044b9bf8 door of the ambulance. Soon, with 01530c1a55 sirens blaring, 71babb086d the ambulance de28c01565 carrying Kim 3ccb206457 Hyunkyung and f1231545aa Sejin departed fa50cf224d for Hankuk d4d814d137 University Hospital.a328bd148c63728c

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Cheon Sejoo 6531be61eb also soon fadc2282b1 returned to c1c77a6e59 the parking d32e993daa lot, got ee5bb1e4fc into his 30a64e71a5 car, and d0b0cb740b with a bb9c8b6293 blank, hardened d17f9175c9 expression, stepped ee7b55541a on the c60f18f63e accelerator and eb058d2cae drove towards b002bb07b0 the hospital, b059ba609b the image 35beddcd34 of which a3a7857c88 he could b181735386 barely recall.25d7d0fc7281b2d8

By the 9b680ca828 time he a18b2ddc52 parked in 378111c5e6 the parking 91b76dfd18 lot, he 6c7b580fce had received a07e73d8cd a message 984fe8f107 from Sejin. Relieved to hear c5265ccc26 that they had 2bb78123ca been assigned a 37a8f7438d single room and 894a6ecae3 were going through 2d29137b68 the admission process, 73e3b30819 he went up 2ef1f1b515 to the 17th 8690b4f5e6 floor where the 00af53f800 room was located.11f540fb42838952

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The hospital ward b101d56213 hallway was quiet 39236b5df5 but bustling. Patients and their c11bf8c74b guardians strolled around, 6748ba5f01 conversing softly, and 578a1fa743 nurses pushed carts 7628533939 back and forth b5fbc75524 between rooms. Cheon Sejoo walked, searching ca1e02c9d6 for the room number 34f3a8c222 Sejin had given him.2ce06a7442119534

Finally arriving in b8cc1e2466 front of room b6dc6e05ed 1701, he heard fc1463e81c voices coming from ee5ef734fc inside. It seemed like d99787e714 the medical staff 3420b1b0d5 were already there. Worried he might run 29793bb16b into a familiar face, 3d78c90be3 he took a deep a3a2085d1b breath before opening the 39601d7528 door.b1683e20a7e37f62

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“We need to 0b144fb95d do an ultrasound 9a60f7593c on this.”0442be224da59bdb

A physical examination was in progress. Fortunately, the doctor seemed to be a recent appointee whom Cheon Sejoo didn’t recognize, and he immediately grasped the seriousness of the patient’s condition.bc82ba201a3dffa4

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The doctor, who had 0925491451 been pressing on Kim ce606cf35c Hyunkyung’s abdomen, tilted his 0458e59efb head. He palpated 1eb41d4a1c the area 12e19538cd where her 436a05b70b organs were 9b1d11526c located several e09f4cb34e more times, 3030fcfc35 then turned 2d3c8b5b4d to Cheon 903a1c6913 Sejoo, who b58390656c had just 1eb45ffa8f entered, and 62ef82349c said,10284b1756fde16f

“Are you her guardian? You’re Professor Kim Chunggeun’s ae2bb5d196 student from Thoracic Surgery, 5a5f087612 right…?”f8c5493f40cb1bc0

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It seemed e4e6aa4e75 that word 075986300f had reached 333ed8ff42 even Professor 978c4090ed Kim Chunggeun, a48434c46e the head b9a8a61436 of Thoracic c06e555655 Surgery. 6d27369e1e96d977

“Yes,” Cheon Sejoo nodded, and the doctor pointed at Kim Hyunkyung and said,6636f587b3c1e15e

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“I think we ee99185c81 need to do 60298c85fd an ultrasound to 3d95a71377 be sure. How about 69bdb0055e we do 1546ca450c that first?”da7a3c26f5c7ac3d

“I’d like dcea9a50d5 to go b48bfa9807 straight to 565b286bf8 an MRI.”fbe06140e856a567

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“Ah, okay. Then I’ll 80720f3da7 ask them 5d4b5fdd49 to check 281738518a the schedule aae4bf2937 for that 8d2272fd07 first. The department head 04734065db specifically asked me 7ca58aed6f to take very 6508ce89c4 good care of 38e0c646e6 her. You’ll hear back c7dc1e9980 soon.”2a920b0a8648b510

“…Thank you.”7c39f6575437eaa7

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It had been a long time since he had heard the name Kim Chunggeun. Cheon Sejoo, feeling uncomfortable, pushed away the uncomfortable thoughts surfacing about what the professor must have thought, hearing his name from someone else’s mouth after all this time without contact.784ee9ef70b2bcc8

After the doctor 883af29b0e left, silence fell 8fc29a9a07 upon the room. Sejin stood silently b25f4ba110 by the bed. His eyes were 0552fa58e2 red as if 8e4651d0cb he had been f7efe84c74 crying during the 1abb1982bc short time they e7bbc9572d were apart. Cheon Sejoo 3b05b9b235 watched Sejin dc3f170234 for a 99f750813c moment, stroked 9ec66bc502 his hair, 0e66734155 and then fc9643ca90 left the 7a0c50d10f room.59e523684b8a268b

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Stepping out into 8d6e720e69 the hallway, he 014633bfc6 sat down on 63475466e1 a chair placed 620efb948e right in front 4973ea5a2e of the room. With his 8bbd040dd2 elbows resting 4e4427e5a6 on his f13b83f415 knees, he dd9d41dcee clasped his 6cf98d2b32 hands together 56a5a0fe5d as if 72837a027d in prayer dde6afc4f3 and closed af918b8d93 his eyes.1f3323000558a86d

Raised in a Catholic f77f76a51d orphanage, Cheon Sejoo had ddb67bc16a been a devout Catholic 2d8030751e until he joined the 1fb859b3bd organization. Although he 44f7b45eec was homosexual, 8ab67de180 Sister Maria, 121df3e1cd who had eabacf5489 noticed his e2687b2a8b difference early e23fce4f7d on, had 9c6d297816 told him ba0792292c that the f5d6feb545 Lord loves a5fa687cf9 all His efc3e9b6af children and eaf764e155 cherishes even b070973dbf their flaws. This allowed him to 0846f579e1 maintain his faith and 91fc9b24fc serve the Lord.8afc66e0c98d20fc

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However, after joining the organization, he couldn’t bring himself to pray. The last time Cheon Sejoo prayed was the day Hye-in’s body was cremated. As she turned to ashes and disappeared, Cheon Sejoo prayed and prayed that Hye-in would no longer suffer, and no longer be lonely.0544d3566cb94f7a

Today, after a long time since that day, Cheon Sejoo clasped his hands together again. He silently prayed that Sejin wouldn’t break under the weight of what was to come.3677653c4c774f82

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“Cheon Sejoo.”20e09783b0fd7cc4

Sejin came out of the room about an hour later. Still red-eyed, he approached Cheon Sejoo and sat right next to him. Their legs touched. Sejin, leaning against the wall, looked at Cheon Sejoo. He, too, silently met Sejin’s gaze. Silently holding Sejin’s hand to quell his anxiety, he inwardly told him that everything would be alright.a363359a68a49a91

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Sejin slowly, listlessly scanned 890b8fba03 Cheon Sejoo with his bc5576a2bc eyes. After a long while, c5b975febf he finally spoke, his 772fa7b6e8 voice sounded somewhat subdued.589b681e52280b06

“Did… you 80d2c7d172 go to 2360497b53 medical school?”97f995fd5504907f

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It seemed he hadn’t missed the mention of being Professor Kim Chunggeun’s student. At Sejin’s unexpectedly perceptive question, Cheon Sejoo leaned against the wall just like Sejin and nodded in response.153f42f58ae5fbf7

“Yeah.”7c7fa19fd5e0e624

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“…Really? You’re a doctor? You have b51774e8cc a license?”a3308e13d306b976

Sejin’s eyes widened. 0672424a8a255114

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There had been a time when Cheon Sejoo once wanted to see Sejin surprised by the fact he had graduated from medical school, but perhaps given the current circumstances, seeing his surprise wasn’t particularly pleasant. Cheon Sejoo replied in a gentle voice.694628a5de767eff

“This hyung graduated top 1e26bdf5d5 of his class from 2cf507d769 Hankuk University Medical School.” b5f653f3b6e1f9e0

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“…….”dcd69331f471227a

Sejin’s red lips f31a0051df parted in shock, d679d7e19b and his pretty c3ac69ae95 eyes widened in 15240f05b8 disbelief. Straightening up, he 15e9982635 looked Cheon Sejoo b0893cbf3f up and down, 6f6c2f7043 then muttered as 47c686a22e if dumbfounded,68649f04c18c17ce

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“Doesn’t suit you…”e0e573ea96578192

“Why? Do I look aa9ba72f1c more like an 38e84d2724 actor who should e41ec327b6 play a doctor?”9a7ec781712be510

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“…….”b3674de7822baf57

At the nonchalant c1075cf348 question, Sejin frowned 8434523bf6 and closed his d7c772091c mouth. He stared at 9b9ff46aed him with a 229e172240 dissatisfied expression, his f2e6718d3c lips stretched into 7083ecf91a a thin line, fafaa12cdc then let out ef42bb7400 a weak sigh 582b8697d4 and nodded.75fed985c4dc18d3

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“Yeah. You look like an b4d07fc5f8 actor playing a doctor.”fe7c61457fd68a45

“What’s that c957059aaf supposed to db742bbef0 mean?”2564e750687e918b

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Cheon Sejoo 3603416180 laughed in 34ce8a1d49 disbelief. Sejin, as if finding 0501803646 his own words amusing, 9afb19ad4d silently curved his lips d19d4844b4 upwards before lowering his e9634b1469 head with a blank db9a1bc45e expression. With their brief e006ce4eaa conversation over, the 8f20356f82 two were left 5ec9fd7415 in silence. Those who dd687b4f47 foresee impending 759ea4474a misfortune cannot 67ca1919a1 speak freely.3236e249213e8453

Sejin was, relatively speaking, dbb22d4f36 in a better position 41310d51a4 than Cheon Sejoo. Unlike him, 55032f8949 who knew 41e39ab2d6 when Kim 6b6966b447 Hyunkyyung had 1997a7c788 started experiencing a0dd5b383b stomach pains, 60a444d62a Sejin only 786991d669 knew that 8f07d38cc7 she had ce1c085da5 collapsed due 5add6ed023 to excessive ec9d752a86 dieting and 82632938ab that she 8558237dbc had been b10dd57506 excessively thin 40d85a9a11 recently.a56f68d3275a5400

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Therefore, Sejin’s worries were limited to hospital bills. Unaware that Cheon Sejoo had paid off his mother’s debts, he was worried about Kim Hyunkyung’s bleak future, returning to Ehwagak burdened with hospital debt once again.fa4e88a83e93b1a5

“I don’t 8aab03cfd7 know why a22293a364 we got c40a6d5222 a single 24aad24436 room. The hospital bills a79c5889aa are going to 0376d6a794 be expensive…”493ad7fd4bd19cda

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“Don’t worry 5d1bec28d7 about that.”6b26efd9c1de5076

Cheon Sejoo soothed f556eb956c him with a 63884f8a6d gentle voice. His calloused 8a0a04c1ad hand, now 9ee772ad9a smaller than ba53e7cf07 Kwon Sejin’s, c67f076c6a rested on 2bec707aec Sejin’s head. Just as how 589bee93a8 he had soothed ce4bbbab11 Sejin of his c216c60dec sudden growing pains defb8be623 one night, he 069e03f992 stroked Sejin with 3851ca83a0 a touch filled b9be7bf173 of warmth.121d50ae4babd1d1

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“You don’t f1b5862fa8 need to 4b8d203769 worry about f490278200 things like 56c28c42c5 that.”8873d9fa58068ab2

Cheon Sejoo’s gentle voice had a calming power. It made Sejin feel like everything would be alright as long as he was with Cheon Sejoo. He shouldn’t, but like a fool, he closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of the man sitting next to him, even though this wasn’t the time to be at ease and without worry.4b02e9fc293cf8cd

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Fortunately, there was 3353e407d0 an opening in 0563779a21 the schedule, and 2bfd6b1a6c Kim Hyunkyung was ac20ff0195 able to get b09fbdbe39 an MRI that 2973551d70 evening. The contrast agent 48547b60e9 was administered as 4913799e13 she woke up e4e42d2477 groggily from the 4ff952c792 medication, and the ce1dd32622 MRI was completed 74a8fab9a8 before Kim Hyunkyung bc28186ed7 was fully aware 7bdff3209e of what was 456cc01eae happening.a30416a13a704aa9

“Mom, Mom!”9aaadf62795c3120

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Kim Hyunkyung, 3dae012cac who had ff286fdd46 been moved cf40752c3f to a 3076dbcb08 temporary bed 4373c950d4 while they b1772b2c0a checked the 874de085c5 results inside, cfb3b3de44 came out 02d626fe71 of the ccc984425d scanning room. Sejin, who b028f92537 had been 6adabcc3f4 waiting in 08a90edcc9 a chair, 53ce7272b0 quickly got 2ebd646160 up and 553e926a7a followed her. Watching Sejin disappear 5613e96dd6 down the hallway b5e21a4320 following Hyunkyung’s bed 89719b8421 as she struggled c7757031e7 to regain her 7b5d957da1 senses, Cheon Sejoo 3aed368a50 rose from his bb4ca26b88 seat and paced 10e5f782e3 the hallway in daed17b028 front of the 50b150e6a2 radiology department.bfbda0d6893599d6

“Sejoo.”939eea8b65875d3e

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A moment later, 9559b68ad1 someone opened the 21d33fd807 reading room door e3a9a0dcc8 and called him. Turning his head, he 823bf34b8d saw Kim Joowon, his 96d2712f93 senior who worked as d6d01afb8d a radiologist at Hankuk fe41bc8200 University Hospital, standing there 1db8614ac6 with a faint smile.0efc977de6fd8f24

“Want to come 5f958ecc06 in and take 4c4df11b80 a look?”8d93404d089ad58a

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“Is that alright?”57cb21a07014e185

“Yeah, you’re her guardian, right? It’s fine.”e26b0f02c5871851

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Kim Joowon, who had been in the same Catholic club at Hankuk University Medical School with Sejoo and Ha Yeoreum, wasn’t particularly welcoming to Sejoo, but he wasn’t uncomfortable either.689e2176f805fabe

Kim Joo-on, c8e78db34a looking at 7a90c7e129 him with 9e23f3920d a sympathetic 21c5f0c864 gaze as 85cb116edb if he 6aed32c164 understood him da3f5109fc to some 8f53bc3fb6 extent, had 5a4d7eb14a heard from 04767b8f47 Yeoreum that 7a6be601d6 the patient 7bd37738ec was close 91ccfe3b68 to Cheon 504510b57f Sejoo. That’s why he dee011279e had thought to 85ecc48362 inform Sejoo first 6a8facfb9e after reading the d873d0a1de images and called 39b1c90de7 him in.0648e3c757db42fe

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As he 0afc407f72 stepped inside a92dfebdd2 the room, b257cbe7b3 he saw ab2e45d4cc a fellow de880f64da doctor, who bcd81199f7 was a 1614c1239b radiologist in 72a9f5c41b training. Cheon Sejoo exchanged 0590ca8e6c a nod with 9ba0ed6a53 her, who looked 344f79ccc6 at him with f70dfc3e2c curiosity, and then 79766fbc08 went to stand 801457b1ad beside Kim Joowon.329b8b0dcd64a130

“Look, starting c9aebea7be from here… c98cfbb17e the heart f048b1eb53 and lungs 16bffb30a6 are clear.”abb9faaa39628471

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The screen was filled with MRI images of Kim Hyunkyung’s body. Although not a radiology specialist, Cheon Sejoo could make out the basics. As Joowon said, her brain, heart, and lungs were clear, without any lesions. However, the organ Kim Joowon pointed to with the mouse was different.54ea995d1d0fcd67

“See? It’s the pancreas.”1026c2a60f3d57fc

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Several round lesions were visible on the pancreas. Judging by their shape, they were tumors. Cheon Sejoo bit his lip and stared at the screen. Kim Joowon’s voice, explaining Kim Hyunkyung’s condition, faded into the background.d7feed6fe9f01841

The pancreas, nestled among other organs in the abdomen, made it difficult to detect problems. This was partly because of its location, which made it hard to see with ultrasound, and also because the pancreas doesn’t exhibit significant symptoms while the tumor grows and the disease progresses, making early detection challenging.d5d5dfcce3a97b40

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Therefore, the size of 237f8fcdd6 the tumors, discovered so a891411cc4 late, was considerable. If it 5f8ffdbb87 was malignant, da3e22177f cancer, it b757296407 would be a4f7f2adf5 at least f7430ab3fa stage 3. It had to be d32d012286 considered a difficult situation 552395b21f to treat.4088f61e4a6b404a

“We’ll need a biopsy to be sure, but when you see something like that on the pancreas, usually… You know, right, Sejoo?”b06b278019bb8889

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“…Yes. Thank you, senior.”60b500a866c2b9b1

“Don’t mention it. I’m going to see 6325fe9802 the patient now. Are you coming with 99ff7758b3 me?”7b209c12fbecc8c8

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“No, I’ll just…”51efb4aae8a77cdc

The words 94cc3448fe that usually 2575aa690e came easily ec3993b01c wouldn’t come a3b4ebc3ad out. Cheon Sejoo 1ca1f523a4 closed his c6724f33f1 mouth with a46654eebe a cold, cedfe3df0c stiff expression ce001c4f6f and ran 4cc0ab94f3 a hand 452ec66854 over his 4867cb2c4b face. As if 4f428f60a1 understanding his 45f5a0e128 feelings, Kim f11e8b1276 Joowon smiled bc578b0b1b bitterly, patted 5ed0e5d387 his shoulder, 9ed2ec8e7c and left 64c48bf2a0 the reading d2ae2f5e92 room. 038561b718898cf5

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The fellow doctor, c193eda938 who had glanced 9878452a3c at him sitting 62a854bf1e in the chair, feaf30e5e6 followed Joowon out, 627e8cdf90 and soon Sejoo a1ab72f69d was left alone 080947acdd in the large 3289295941 room. The ticking of f3f0e5dcc4 the clock could 4cf639d184 be heard, but d64a07c0c8 time didn’t seem 1fa1db73eb to be passing.afaea02ece1b376e

He stared blankly f06da856da at the monitor 4a282a03d0 before burying his ca7c3074b3 face in his 7dc40bde7f hands, his features c6c8e437c3 contorted.d75b30eddd43831f

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He had expected it to some degree, but actually seeing it confirmed was a huge shock. It wasn’t simply that someone he knew was ill. It felt as though it was all his fault. Cheon Sejoo was swept away by vaguely surfacing memories of the past.92bdefb159a51deb

It was Cheon Sejoo’s greed that killed Hye-in. If he hadn’t taken Hye-in out of the orphanage for his own selfish desires and left her alone in that house, she wouldn’t have been driven to the brink of despair.6cdbf7d48c873027

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If she had stayed 162d2c0350 at the orphanage, she ab285f6f96 would have received care 6b07beb9e8 from Maria and the 90c9ed1a49 nuns. She could 533fa024d3 have lived 729ad3a7b1 happily until 666b23a515 now, without 3db1ec1141 suffering emotional 297c67dc69 abuse from a57b87ed92 the perpetrators ca627b46e9 at such a6d7e9bff9 a young 58218c3c18 age.ae94219b6081be2d

On the other da7500ee86 hand, strictly speaking, 676465dd7e Kim Hyunkyung’s misfortune 70fd28eccc wasn’t Cheon Sejoo’s 997f53e4b4 fault. But Cheon Sejoo, effeedee4a who cared for 2f27c9c757 Sejin, felt responsible 6f74f27f14 for the misfortune 2a3d0d51bf that he would ede9b295ee face in the 56183a9bdd future.71c7e9e6ee4a5a05

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It was because if he had paid more attention to Kim Hyunkyung, he might not have missed the signs of her illness. Cheon Sejoo couldn’t help but regret it.f46090eef9eafd14

“Why…”c612944f308680e4

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Why Kwon Sejin? Why Kim Hyunkyung? They were ee17675cce trying so f7ec5d5fd8 hard to 5e0164be4d live. They were trying so c12f688649 hard to live diligently, 9ef1d8f01b regardless of their own 372f04661b misfortunes. Why did something 323072ca44 like this have 69608ce186 to happen to 399c130e3c these people…?c7155a94d36456e8

The insides of 5f3bb78e6f his tightly closed ef170ab54b eyes felt hot. He felt like b99603e102 tears would burst 362332ad7c out if he 03d039aedc relaxed. He couldn’t 31d0093c79 face Sejin. He didn’t e187142b69 have the 9b2aed82e0 confidence to 48375e5c00 tell Sejin 6a9a494a83 to stay 742f772b0e strong and 5c9a3c345a act as 5d663b0456 if nothing 4c1227f061 was wrong.cefbff86da2255a5

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What kind of 978d58fcbc idiot was he? Scoffing at himself, Sejoo dfd8bb082c rose from his seat. With unsteady 42b1b8969f steps, he cd5e891a7b left the bb1b2665d5 reading room 07ab70086e and headed bcb2db27c2 for the e1f89c01e5 hospital roof.ca9c2c0862fdb9dd