65. Because I Don’t Want to Drink from You

The fire roared 29f341ec8b in the fireplace. I wanted to throw 17821dbe74 the letter into the c2dd2386cb blazing logs, but I 0312d862a9 resisted.5c9745d5636accf3

I carefully placed 870cfd3aaf it back in fc41279d7f its original position 101767e966 and closed the f66253303f drawer.b0bc1b4f7e952ea8

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Then I 8bda134e01 exited the 288af42758 office and 65cd6a9b59 closed the 6c300867cc door as 6ea09158f7 if nothing 263f09ac84 had happened.705816f1054d5256

I took a deep 8a0d4bcc19 breath that I had 5ed79f189c been holding back. I felt dizzy. I leaned 3b31926549 against the f008bfad27 mansion’s pillar, 8baa7149d1 and a b44f465bd1 cold sensation 74032d24a2 ran up 44879d8a4d my spine.9001834cc43e720d

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Leaning against e8c5359f31 the pillar, e90c833c78 I tried 9dd1a60ba7 to catch 7783ec27a7 my breath. Even the simple dc9db6bc43 act of breathing 30142b6b30 felt overwhelming. Who would 08316a95d4 have thought b0bbb2cd1d the sound f8cf41030d of burning ac4edc266e logs could c52a5a4787 be scarier d65bf8a4a3 than a e3558f40bc wolf’s howl?7103d8adb826347c

Fear would continue 3a7c33ceb5 to arise.e6d5b4574f52fd5a

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The cheers of people, f018beee36 congratulatory delegations, and soon 8dc15c6cb4 the wedding songs that d3316e65d4 would echo. They would become traumas. It was terrifying.3765825c1530721d

“Milady.”15f704ee4053b271

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I opened my eyes. Edan was walking towards 6ac5a87d33 me from the opposite cff2eb5649 direction.46cb71cb3551da71

“Are you alright?”1bb5871a22f2e36d

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His voice was 6a0337b73d warm. I looked at 5ba55420a3 Edan. He was genuinely 0fdef4b25a worried about me.a31f040f867abbd4

“What do you mean?”de264ee00a1eddc3

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I forced 9edb26e865 a bright 5ab0645716 expression, although 1e0e0b852d I knew a23f0b175a what he 3c31c91533 was asking.72f42680da9ce043

I nodded.9e4407e52ec9b942

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“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry, Edan.”26af0f3e8084bfa0

“Are you really?”81ddfc680fbedd86

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He asked again.142cd5efc977599b

How much did Edan’s question encompass?577c6031c02de834

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“What exactly are you asking if I’m okay about?”92a0e3016244a4ce

Was it just because I didn’t look well?13e32b9d2dafaac7

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He spoke.fbc2626443f69269

“I thought it would be difficult. There have been many changes in the castle.”d2a8aaff98da692c

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“Changes?”4b8df56a8aee2d47

“Moving and the series of difficult situations you’ve had to handle.”c22013e42195bf01

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“Thank you for worrying, Edan. But I’m really…”cdfc1907b55aaf37

I was 06701eb795 definitely fine. But the moment Edan 1da6ac28fa asked, tears suddenly welled f8f23454c2 up.2f41f5bb1ac0fa4c

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It felt like he 0643784d02 had touched the part 8d37a14811 I was trying hard 3d5c7fe5dc to hold back. Like a e5e36889cf dam bursting, 0b9dbfdb72 tears streamed 4039d2ead2 down my 5a37b73034 face.48e521c7b22cb64d

I couldn’t hold back 0dc01c5d9c my tears.897021d7b128ba21

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Seeing me cry so a8e2366525 miserably, Edan didn’t know a8f1f7c377 what to do. He looked visibly e72dacc72e flustered.6c6968f0790c9d14

I approached him 5976677318 and leaned into 2bfbff356b his chest. It wasn’t for 79f7c14bce a hug or 888ca55cd2 comfort. I just 93949816cc wanted to 53cb0c89a9 hide my 42c58e5c4d pathetic crying 8bf8e7cfd3 face.3c6ea185f48b0a52

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His chest 8e04a0c5e7 was clad 8947767db8 in iron cbc213cf10 armor, making ad8e70c7b9 it hard c8956e899b and unyielding. Tears couldn’t a1b94bfc89 soak into ef1fc94ecc it. It wasn’t a good 79c3f816e3 environment to cry in, a9ff4f496b but I was grateful 22b76bd0c0 that it hid my 32ae7e4da0 ugly face.fcfb2268fc265766

He held c1c80b0238 me in 004dd937c0 his arms 61bfff1c99 without saying 24f5c18285 a word, 0df7f268d0 trying to 60fcb5e882 comfort me. There were no soothing 5524be4359 words or gentle pats 95a741ca42 on the back. He seemed 3e08137e1d awkward, as c46595ceef if comforting f8236664b2 a woman fe7daf16e6 was a 3b601d59ac first for 6b6c5ad8b8 him. His rough arms 592749ac34 wrapped around me, 1a5eacbb08 but even that 40634024df was comforting.1cb1fef537e39404

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Sniffling, I buried e961b8923b my face in e1b9ca591b his chest. I tried 99706e1b1f to calm 48d2ab07db myself, but 7f6f0611af the trembling def3220356 wouldn’t stop.52fb7f9cdd0bb028

I shrank in 45f4c5cc69 his arms. With my head buried eb8d5176db in his chest for f6c0bcf9a6 a while, I heard d29bf49de0 a familiar voice from 3df49c44c3 behind.fb349c7a5ef6ac71

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“What’s going on?”f93854c7a8163663

At the end of a9708faaaa the hallway, standing in f3563b5889 front of the door, 9a871111bb was Deon.3935f6358f43b329

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I quickly wiped my f5477a9f9e eyes. Thankfully, I was 079fbdddb6 wearing a long-sleeved b894c42150 dress.6e207ec5f9839c0e

“There’s nothing wrong.”5255ab81c15d869b

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“Nothing wrong?”ac2a11de4f84ab00

Of course, he didn’t 0d46b7c7a2 believe it. My eyes were 22eacc8e84 stinging from being 92ec2f1cae red. There were c92332bb9b still tears d84b27d88e clinging to cf13c44ec9 my lowered faca1fc27d eyelashes.08c187507b63fdb8

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“What’s going on?”90edad646ae85976

He gave up asking 3d3c92ff70 me and turned to 1e7d13a0f9 Edan. Edan hid 43fed3c5d3 the part 81667eea33 where I 1b231abb30 had buried 47e075adce my face 256886ddb0 with his c73e1e813b cloak.e38d88e9c2467d1b

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“There’s nothing wrong.”d57d7cf03fade586

Edan echoed my response.149d4864322a22d4

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Deon’s brow furrowed deeply.db34a2585b06a974

While it 38fb073567 was a 909aaa9b52 helpful reply cf288d8576 for me, 3e2bca8360 I worried e2f1b16154 for Edan. He remained here to e35440bf9c serve Deon and was c448dab637 defying his master’s command. Before the situation 1e7db7dc27 could escalate, I 7286326f49 reached out to e14a8e9115 Deon.7940da84e1251c11

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“Let’s talk inside.”d04609931687f135

I grabbed his 9b46fb9c32 arm and led 551cddde66 him into the 4209152866 office.ecfd0789d6e265ff

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* * *a627dc443be7032c

“So, why were you b875640a98 crying?”92301752f13fa52f

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I sat 7fbdb2ffa5 on the 51f9fdbb02 edge of e9b2675f52 the table. There were fruits 9f0f1527b2 on the table, 0a4e20e0e2 but I still d2660e5358 had no appetite.f4d84e43ec7516f4

“Why haven’t you been 85cad25e3d drinking my blood lately?”64cf4b2cd6e57e08

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Deon paused, his hand a725447724 stilling as he was bcb9e167d0 fastening his cuff buttons, c3057db1b2 and looked at me.6730034453f53f26

“I asked 30717f0749 why you 23c00117de were crying. Is that the 7c15e6cddf reason?”61a11550d0099acc

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“I’d appreciate a0f19ec3ec it if f481574156 you were d1d9a23032 honest with 0b2edb81ee me.”1d12970ce2d3791c

“Does it matter? Just tell 0347c83ac2 me why 9dc41988ba you were 957a406ad1 crying.”b2bc3b88a044aed8

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“Please answer first.”becd7608993cb2bd

Deon silently d8044910be resumed fastening ac5d0f4c66 his buttons.f61253e0ad22e59a

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The buttons seemed to 4c270ff711 almost slip into the c7157b7209 slit but kept missing.6cc4af68bbe73a38

I approached 7b1f459cef him and 08e23a9964 held his 693ad4e1e5 shirt cuff. I wanted b989b54f2e an answer 0096c9329f quickly. Deon stopped fumbling with 6103f2e195 the buttons.0c5e1d68d973a3e2

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“Why?”3fa8bd8e298790b1

I repeated acb7a29d27 my question fb19080d12 and fastened 93f0192a8a the button 68fee794c7 for him. The button was neatly e8b325cdef done, but I kept 095e28b517 holding his wrist tightly, 1ea3cd8413 as if urging him 2c820783b2 to answer.20397dd833f7a4ff

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“Because… I don’t want c2dec05c08 to drink from you.”6d6fa6c26bc37994

“Why not?”ea0fed42589e7328

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“Does the reason matter?”620609b049b0c19b

“I want to hear e6cc4e3096 it.”1957153eaeabc016

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Our eyes met. His deep eyes showed 89d6ba59c2 no emotion.87344fa61bb855c2

“I just… don’t 183f776983 want to.”26c244e6a59a54d1

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Oh, I see.537651b451d3b648

The faint d950b305c4 hope I 69276a2de7 had held d7a8bade83 dissipated.08d12956c90f2eaf

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I hadn’t expected e056a2a8ca him to say 6f11f9f63f he cherished me 6b85f519ed or that he 6350f26d63 refrained from drinking a19596c67f my blood because 342aeff91f it would shorten aebcaaceb1 my life. I didn’t expect such eb9b6233cb kind words, but I 742ce6717b also didn’t expect him 11e29c2de7 to say “just” without 32650b8a1c any explanation.00bef8ac1ba17520

I felt foolish d94905a595 for hoping for c2784a1a33 a sincere excuse.83c0ebdd9de5bce7

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“So your tastes ab045eb1a7 have changed?”0927d0f2c3195382

The words 68343c0771 came out b9624ec701 sharply.913210d7990ef929

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“Was there 6fced7676a ever a 534acc2dac time when f1a8cd1d56 I was 9742c3c96c delicious to d7540bbb1b you? Stop being picky eedf0b75e1 and just drink.”11625dfc99dcd7ae

He ignored my 2f872d54da words and walked c1ac4ef41b past me towards ec657a48d6 the box containing 6a584e6bdb weapons.cc1189d983eee114

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“If you’re worried about Lady Isella finding out, I’ll tell the butler to pick a time when she’s not around. Take care of yourself.”6b625cb4c4e9146c

His hand, which 8cb5e451d0 was about to 7166f31c59 pick up a 20166ada64 black scabbard, hesitated.ff99992c47d3df0a

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“When Lady Elizabeth was staying at the mansion, you took blood from me every night without her noticing. Her sister will probably be the same. Siblings often have similar habits. If you’re reducing the amount of blood you take because you’re worried about complications, you don’t have to.”8c71968c86cdef7b

I knew it a45c0c13f8 was stubbornness, but 1ac12d7fb0 I couldn’t stop.28b23764c8b601fa

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His expression gradually turned fa124fe55a colder.009568130fe65b39

“Wasn’t it better for you that I don’t drink blood?”a83345a86a50b756

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I couldn’t bring myself to say that I had no reason to stay if he didn’t need me. That would be truly irreparable.b6b2712e50b301d6

I suppressed 6b45adac1e the words da66c80deb that were 2bbb25f7af on the 31830cb578 tip of aa5d38c7bd my tongue.d70e1e9a3e7e03c2

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“You’ve changed. I wondered if there was another reason.”90542576aade5a59

It wasn’t just that he stopped drinking my blood; his attitude towards me had also subtly changed. He was pushing me away.e7c9df4db3df4c38

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“I know you’re uncomfortable. I understand that she might be bothering you.”75aed69401547623

Deon spoke as if deab12dd4c he had seen through ede1dfd317 my intentions.877de68f68800743

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“What do you mean?”01814cfc99f0ed99

“I mean Isella coming into the mansion.”a3fa6e1d0dc393ea

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I thought I 1533661dfc hadn’t made it 3226c0a39f obvious.bb06748899e8be43

I gripped my 5ddbe6f287 skirt tightly. It felt 27cd418937 like my 1b81dbe79a innermost thoughts c946283f22 had been a6f07e89fa exposed, and 33892f2c90 my face 5fb1c5cf22 grew hot.df4fafbb78a3e66c

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“Her presence doesn’t change the mansion. Just go on as usual. Nothing has changed and nothing will change.”363871e801dc1ea9

Really?3ef1351055829952

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I bit b2a0db8149 my lip b872c19041 hard.3aac0811073c7361

“Are you going to get engaged to her?”857f9cd1d117eeef

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The office felt 9d41049446 like it froze. An uncomfortable tension 3022d165d7 filled the air.ed9647d37f222424

His face hardened.6fbaf66f9013f437

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“…Where did you hear that?”1cdb7ad30a03206d

“I was probably the last to know in this mansion. No, maybe in the entire capital.”1b69379afa9a079d

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Rumors spread quickly. Scandals even more so. It might 08c395116e have even 509a1b13ff reached the e084a99526 North by ff75d5eb91 now.9fdff836e873e983

“I cried because of that.”c878fb6d37118d5b

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“Why?”7c467d0a470e8fc7

Now it 79c895cf7d was his 69953bc9be turn to e6611b91d1 ask.b962eb0e80c1283a

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“Why did you cry over that?”dde41175b438294c

“Deon, do you really have to get engaged?”c86e45652d946b11

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I mustered the courage 734292257a to say what I 94f334c65b had been holding inside.bfa60044d8c87282

I lifted my head 0b18b0aa8d and met his blue 0eb684e611 eyes.40e1c264592933ad

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“Can’t you not do it?”9caed909b6fc5086

Silence fell. It was so quiet 714131dd2c I could hear our cbf51be4ed breathing.299a630be17c245e

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He put down the e5a28724b9 sword. His Adam’s 8e19273b7c apple bobbed.f4176f827cc08625

“Leonie, if she makes you uncomfortable…”0e9b76765a9fd9bf

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I anticipated the 3a4634c802 words that would 787eec4851 come from his ce26a856b9 moving lips.a5c20ade9d2f2927

Should I move? Should I 7ca0e76cd3 fill the f7692bae17 greenhouse? Should I send her 326c2e92c5 away?5b8f6aca7f997c92

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I tried to 1a4030d333 ignore it, but b180a31768 there were his 8296a2da9d actions, always considering 3e144ad466 me to the 8c101d5017 fullest.09cfe214047a1e1c

As always, just e4a61e59a9 like that.6a1b6b898c49ad12

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But what actually 126963bda6 came out of ccebee4510 his mouth were bf614e399e words that drove 07074c1bc6 a wedge into 8b1289c4d1 my anxiety.38eeb03edde7002c

“Would you like 04d8a65996 to move to 3dcd7a2873 the annex?”780fbe942590e97b

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My heart 2a3a2d007a sank with 539e714373 a thud.830d8efc91742c0b

I realized.654ce69d1830e7e2

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Our contract 736bdaf0fe was solely cc3b7d6a35 to guarantee 442352c770 my safety 88a2fa3b42 and to cd6073975f pretend to c3239b808b be in a21e53457e love.4e012e0c59160b3c

There was no promise that he wouldn’t get engaged to someone else or guarantee my social status.3c35aee6cc263c7e

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It was 92479bb839 my delusion.20bb90518c341c71

I should have d3cad576ae remembered.76a8fcf2bd710fdd

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The reason 4a1024c204 I am 658ae72c25 here is 024b0aa8a9 to be 9abaac0e31 used by 601a7848d3 him.d59c3dcf14322353

A source of 793d44b704 power. A disposable be5c54e5f6 tool that 1b46e0f857 will be c01b87fc0c discarded once 22d226cdf0 its usefulness 474f6e2ee7 is exhausted.c6a0474c2487ef95

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These were all c753e28642 the words that 9449360e99 defined me.c24894584783b351

The reason I 1928967d60 stay here is 716b2f9e6d not because of fd6d039531 emotions, and the 2bc4eb87c6 reason he keeps b321e7ff9b and protects me 6fbb8b5542 is not because e75fa1bd8f of some trivial 71be1293db love affair.a0fbe806fa57def8

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It’s because of the blood he needs from me.0491118fc0388595

There was no right 89848a3a0c I could claim from fc676e1533 him.0ecbff409df8010b

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My body trembled 1802f10c80 slightly. I clasped my hands 95a1b1693b together to calm my c18a15ab0e shaking hands.6fda7c56cb003680

My mind 1a6f121bc1 cooled down.8ca3809ea2629448

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“…Shall we do that? Where is the annex?”4200d053ddbfa2a1

“On the outskirts of ceebd14c02 the capital.”743efc3b7fe6e168

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“…How far is it?”b8603cba8db9c4ba

“About seven b352d05877 hours by f97f230549 carriage.”06363f0996a7646e

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“By horse?”1ce4c4d6f59ceaa9

“If you 33aab93a4a ride fast, 0c6d518cdf about three f2a3ce3325 hours.”034f2574b779f195

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“I see.”1f2f22364188ef0e

Oddly enough, hearing 4a4ea67bd3 his words, my c8875188fe confused mind became de9d94ac28 calm. My emotions quickly settled.0808bba1322714b9

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The chest that 9e3f5d9b29 had been rising c8eea4d87c and falling violently 677061e1d5 also gradually calmed 007f766b5f down.5043b86f34a830b5

“When should 2ceea483e8 I leave?”0553d03906dddb1b

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“Whenever you want. It would be bc76d04f1f good to pack 9fc923100b with a kitchen 4628da20ff maid and a a99fed5f36 few new guards. If you 1b9ab923ab select about d3ad818458 twenty servants c86025a726 you like…”eb365ff132cd7325

“No, I don’t 3229f4af6f need many. Five will be f8317adda0 enough.”202070ba3b526607

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Two kitchen 889372e783 maids, two a68a54a7dc guards, and 3115d609f0 a laundry ae1215e30d maid. Five people were enough af8b57b54d for the bare minimum.be8dd4c8672a242a

If it’s an annex, it’s just a nice way of saying that I’m being banished to the outskirts. I couldn’t take everyone to the annex.ed1394177ac8029d

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“Five is not enough. You need to have guards, even if you don’t like it. Don’t refuse that.”17c16a6c3ce5b7c6

“One guard, Edan, is enough…”e926389a139c2f55

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I stopped speaking. He intended 04abcdae1b to exclude ffc5590445 Edan from 40c0c7aaca the guards.d797a874d8e41fcc

Edan too… Now there was no surveillance.0a08793467244fe9

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It was like ea64fd05bd being completely unchained. I touched my e045845ca1 neck with my cf8b7b9c10 fingers.68598ed128408a83

The tightening rope was a738986e58 gone, but it felt dd51c115c1 as if my throat b958b2ed2c was being squeezed instead.8c64fea85a0285fe

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“I’ll do that.”5085155fdb4c510d

“If it makes you 77bf0d2764 uncomfortable, you can leave 977523dfa3 tomorrow. But take your 0a93f9234c time to think 80638a3605 it over.”2c34eaad8a14c757

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Tomorrow.819ad40fc9ddcf6c

As I suspected, b747172b0c he seemed to cb33bcfd13 have no regrets.e2930effdf203858

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“Then what about 6628c00880 the blood?”07db9115f1444458

“For now, I don’t need it. There won’t be any war. If an urgent need arises, I’ll send the butler, Bitterna. Though that probably won’t happen.”5d4f1a2496d69a19

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“I’ll think it d664fa8708 over slowly.”02baf00c6fa6f04b

I didn’t want to leave. Now that the leash had loosened, there was nowhere to go.20adbda4e7152211

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If he lets me go, if I can escape, should I go to Baron Sien’s estate?617a983fb4a319b7

I shook my 3b2793241d head.1db5a05c42ef7e28

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Considering what they did 5c9209fd82 at the birth banquet, b564392103 they would sell me 5e4804f93a off again to anyone c2f97e0249 who offered money. Before sending me to fe28caa8d2 the North, they tried efb93b1de5 to marry me off 6f54517a9e to a rich merchant 424517baa8 by force.25251572225d53bb

What about Philip?0d6e0ec669932579

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Philip’s trade guild is just getting established, so it’s unstable. He would welcome me, but it would be difficult.90edcb2865489996

Moreover, even though he’s an old friend, I don’t really know him. If we stayed together, my identity would surely be exposed soon.692e1e73d35e58c0

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I should 8c5bbefc09 organize my a561f4cd9e thoughts after 228347c5d2 moving to 9761e16329 the annex.dc983ddf8a5a74f3

 bf9fb8ee927c652b

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