DOAG Ch 7

His daily routine was always irregular. There were many nights he drank heavily with the officers, many nights he rode out on horseback and didn’t return until dawn, and many nights he holed up in his office, playing music, keeping whiskey company, and rummaging through documents.2ee50a2316569838

In any case, his routine was unpredictable, and his whereabouts were always uncertain. Dieter and a few others close to Johan understood his characteristics well. And most people in the fortress, such as the servants, including the chef, experienced much inconvenience due to their master’s habits.2e296e853f0e4c15

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“You must stop 1e36b83b7e that crazy woman c1196f9ee0 immediately!”5fd2b1a7132f9d2d

From early morning, the 9a794ce5a7 fortress chef barged into 76c6913037 the bedroom, fuming. He had finally 1cf4c8b1c2 seized the opportunity fbbf6e0998 after waiting and 8d6acf8cd1 waiting to see 1d5c4e9b79 Johan. Thinking that missing 1b1c95069e this chance would 53da777399 mean waiting indefinitely 70854071b1 again, he had f62db7336f jumped in without 47052465fd hesitation.eb88e73213006708

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Johan rubbed his 6c96f7444f eyes, trying to c811917594 remove stubborn eye b3cd266599 boogers, and coughed. He was thirsty.1f33f5ec5330e74c

“What? Say that again.”a578c79b97d04d51

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“That brown-haired 657516de0f chicken murder 16a16eca1e maniac! That cunning 2fea6bb273 and cruel 3a17bd031b woman!”007c5eb99738ae0c

Two maids entered and drew back the long, ornate curtains in the bedroom. This revealed Johan’s messy, bird’s nest-like hair. He continued to rub his neck, and one of the quick-witted maids swiftly handed him water.bc5f16f37e4e5867

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“Thank you.”6dd281d630a17620

Johan gulped 03ac98d527 down the faed42209f cold water. The maids quickly 2a7306d8b9 tidied the bedding 092922bb38 and placed warm 430cfefc16 coffee and a 535b2427d2 baguette on a be593cb3b3 gleaming stainless steel 689daff4b5 tray on the 8099f87850 bed. The chef 6c4f574fa5 continued to 0de02b480a vent his b8886179b4 frustration.58946f5180a7048d

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“That damned woman is tormenting the chickens so much! The chickens are losing their feathers! And they’re so stressed they can’t lay eggs!”0c507cd99a1e50b5

Johan tried to stifle 09bef8e963 his laughter but failed. He chuckled 6c08bb0109 and put 095348f2e1 down the 504b2de6b9 glass of 7a998da9d1 water.ac0e2fac0ca15573

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“This is no laughing 161b95e68b matter! Commander! How am 0208003574 I supposed 4b2b60b926 to cook?! How am be18841581 I supposed 81b6ccc160 to bake 75ac5734f9 bread and beba67e23e prepare meals?! Do you 935ccd6563 know how 514031bf84 many cartons 991f836667 of eggs bedb19ee34 are consumed b75efbbab2 in this f521ef5837 castle?! Please stop that crazy c9a8888a20 woman before she ruins 4440a80baf the geese too!”f696cba88892a55c

“No dead chickens?”8e1e3ca68e5c9e1a

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Johan asked, picking up acc737a6a2 the bread on the e672d8448d bed.890dbf7351526960

“Of course there are dead chickens! That woman twists their necks just enough so they don’t die, and I end up having to kill them to cook them! What kind of monstrous act is this?! Does it have to be this cruel? And the next day! And the day after that! Does she have to do this cruel thing once a day?! It would be better to just cut off their heads! And that’s not all! The chickens are so stressed because of that woman that they’re attacking each other now. They’re all bloody! At this rate, there won’t be a single live chicken left in the coop!”d075798e578859a3

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“So, she can’t c0a50322e7 kill them properly, 50832fd6ab in any case.”0c16824c9d3da4aa

“This is crueler than killing! You should see the state of the chickens! That woman is crazy. She’s not in her right mind. Why is she taking her anger out on the livestock?! And on someone else’s carefully raised chickens, no less! You can’t let a woman like that roam free. Instead of keeping her here, she should be locked up in some camp!”9afbbff1c504f725

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“That won’t do. I have other aec7ca1050 uses for her. But I’ll 2f19210a00 instruct them 842d3a39c0 to make 2a6d472ae9 sure she 92ad58a2f7 doesn’t go cfe16d8c72 anywhere near 3921b1a41e the livestock ac06fbdd26 farm again. This is delicious.”204ebe2a5bfde619

Johan held up 519f35a074 the bread.c4a659c3514951e8

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“Yes. It’s made aeb28204ac with the 871ea8d475 last eggs.”f425434344c49361

Laughter burst out bbe1b1b3f4 again, and Johan 06a2412714 chuckled. Seeing Johan laughing, bfd1be3f50 the chef couldn’t eb041d4bd0 stay angry. He sighed deeply and 07ab397afe relaxed his hardened face.6c34446dd996c47d

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“Anyway, I’d be 91c58b6f88 very grateful if 62c28b9b67 you would do 99d1c9ee23 that, Commander.”5b6a832dcec503db

“I’ll keep my b325ee26c6 word. I promise.”d5c6f4f570ae5947

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“Thank you. Then have a 85dc2fc576 good day.”3f858fc8979f102e

The chef 53a34b5e88 bowed to 419db04302 him and 128b46ba0f left. Dieter, who had 9f06378575 been waiting outside 6c43c03d3a the bedroom door, c2daafc45a entered and closed b64046af59 the door.62d3c091bec43ece

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“What a commotion from 11b912434c early morning.”f2301020851662ec

“Because of some crazy 274d3f5014 woman.”fcd596a32e2d16e2

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“…”8a1ecdf448b749f2

Johan joked as he 186b059dcc sipped his coffee, and 1cc7db0e09 Dieter didn’t respond.2cb1873094a2257e

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Sasha had 02cc518299 changed in 9c85ec9a42 a more 01f0c17b5b proactive direction. The time she spent e5f474f58b engrossed in something had 7524a4bf36 also increased. Instead of staying b2d2325b53 in her room, 2abac08692 she visited the a0fcb09e85 library inside the 852fe7595a fortress, accompanied by c63e132579 the nurse, and 8e4359ce0a the frequency of 71ab1c4597 her visits gradually 561bbeec96 increased. For security reasons, she d2e3cf384e only moved at night, 2c2d0f9605 when there were few 777b61aa64 people, and always with a8bfa987f6 the nurse.96dea1c72d62afd4

She didn’t look 4c15dfdfcd at any other 789aa935aa books, only those bd6fb9095b dealing with human 9bc44ffed8 and animal anatomy. She would search for 0df26fda5a books under the oil 72c2dccfd7 lamp, and when dawn 143ea43083 broke, she would return ce5d19a72e to her room with 91c1cdca5b the unread books bundled 412cee844e up. And then she would 563ddce406 spend all her time c0f1d4a698 reading. She looked, and a2bd50761c looked, and looked 958dea7e42 again, until she b0aba3d3dd could draw the 4f40db2f64 internal organs of 336a8426fa animals and humans 3377e61496 even with her 10b71fe562 eyes closed.9dfef0bcb659adda

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And she always imagined wringing a chicken’s neck. Someday, I’ll definitely wring it properly. Today, I’ll definitely wring it properly. That thought repeated itself dozens of times. That was her routine. Reading books during the day, wringing a chicken’s neck at night, and reading books again. Her mind was filled with the desire for murder and death.d263ad11c0ebd7fc

Sasha was dozing off while reading in bed when she opened her eyes at the sound of someone’s presence. Johan’s long, large hand pulled the book out from under her cheekbone.164c27bf91145427

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Today, Johan wasn’t wearing dea4cca646 his uniform. He was dressed in 8b4c907c46 a comfortable linen shirt ac3fe7a367 and cotton trousers. He didn’t look like 088e069561 a soldier. Rather, he looked like e3b27f5faa a dissolute hippie youth e55056a9ae with no self-control. Sasha was flustered by 1304fe4336 his unfamiliar appearance. Furthermore, the clearly 9b4b7bcef4 visible nail marks 52764f7265 still imprinted on a1a320f39a his long, hard d971b0104c neck contributed to f1cabeea60 her confusion.72eaca4b6ab01b96

“I hear you’re making a name for yourself as a chicken slaughterer. I see you’re expanding your territory.”244281925c189485

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He mocked, looking at cd1bf39271 the anatomical diagram of edb4dbb3c5 a goose Sasha had d700d258f1 just been looking at. Sasha snatched the book e8c37adaf0 from his hand and 1486d6e550 crumpled it under her 2aa577546a pillow.fa3a051e95393c12

“You can’t even wring a chicken’s neck properly, and now you’re going after geese? Should I say your learning is thorough, or slow?”b5a4204babaced2b

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“It’s because I have no justification. Chickens aren’t as sinful as you. That’s why I hesitate!”877bc52192defe38

“What a noble reason. Is that why you half-wring a chicken’s neck? Since they’re not very sinful, you should only twist their necks halfway. Then someone will put a cast on the poor chicken’s neck until it heals properly. They’ll put a metal pin in its spine, give it a massage every day, and change its bedding with clean sheets.”615389ea6b6c8a44

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“…”fcf3ace9fcae6630

“Instead of just 73cb381dc4 cutting off the 07265ea702 chicken’s head and 3b8206ee28 shoving it in c014867c9e the oven?”537fd31ead528b78

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Johan taunted. She was angry but couldn’t refute him properly. I know. I know that hesitation is crueler. But what could she do? Her weak heart was only capable of that much. Still only capable of that much.9c121410e33b3bfe

I should have done it properly, just once. I should have done it properly, just once. Then she wouldn’t have to hear his taunts. I should have wrung the chicken’s neck properly, again and again!c2d45450d52e3e2a

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“You’re getting 6a23d8f96b married soon.”10d8a13677d2ad25

He said something out of the blue. Sasha couldn’t understand the single, short, easy-to-understand sentence. I must have misheard. That can’t be what I heard.f60547c04174476c

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“What?”241b065ba5417ba1

“To Councilman Boban.”3717fa4e1411698a

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“No, I, what am 71524dfa6a I doing?”4653958a3dff8920

“You’re going 5bd44f8ca8 to marry 3604bc0162 Councilman Boban.”323552bd76856a36

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“…”03e70fe764f8b63f

I, I’m marrying Boban? Me? No way. Councilman Boban. What did he look like? The name was clear, but she couldn’t quite recall his face. She only vaguely remembered that he was old, pot-bellied, short, and fat. And she vividly remembered the screams, shouts, and commotion coming from Councilman Boban’s office on the day she was exposed as a spy.d8a1137322a6fcd8

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“…Isn’t he dead?”5f5afbb09d4dafff

“He’s not dead, 26f56f7b3e just a bit 6b865605f1 worse for wear. Like you. He was exposed, tortured, 11e2d39c5d and is now being 3044ed1a17 treated for the marriage.”4b97035df3b44339

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“…”6db5735e0a9d1a71

Why, why 5c73234858 do I 7c20e78e86 have to 856e4e889a marry him? Why?8bac8ae76d6f73b7

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“We’ll hold a grand 01a98f9d08 wedding and plaster your 4d7a56bc3e and Boban’s faces all 9753c10b88 over the media. You’ll become famous as 356c565c92 a Union defector, a 9b8b9b943b mysterious temptress, and a 1791bf9fcf dirty whore.”8608ac326ab335bc

“…”ff53c6c7992b0301

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Defector, mysterious temptress, e78c5ab35c dirty whore. And fame.8929a61a82a3ab45

“That’s your role here.”27f1d4769315da8d

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This was the explanation for all the feeding, clothing, sheltering, and meticulous grooming. The mystery that had always puzzled her. The all too clear and despairing answer to ‘Why?’, ‘Why doesn’t he kill me and protect me like this?’ was this. To use her as a propaganda tool, as a defector, a temptress, a whore.0e4a5b282839bc46

“You’re going 77dc2fe842 to sell be8887db5f me to 12106d9edd attract people’s 77ea8fbb37 interest?”2d0c16b9ef7be902

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“Yes.”bdf4487cf9f66646

“You want me to da08beff47 become a Union defector fb172b08d2 and be your doll?”f566cdeb9f07a87a

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“No. Be Dochen’s puppet, 835a1f791a Sasha. You’ll have to e1e86635bc be a very 5a5ce28709 good puppet.”24749f9ef8ccbbf5

“No!”93f11a96ecac466c

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“You don’t have 062066ff75 the right to 17573a242f refuse. Your life 6f98b13572 now belongs c4330a820f to Dochen.”5c807a7d4dd850c6

“No!”788abef73d0f0e58

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Sasha strongly refused. No. Absolutely not. Why should I have bef2ef3ce3 to marry someone I 2e0fc1779f don’t want to for f6fd9c0651 you? Why should 7772d82bbf I have 0e42b4f72c to marry bae1d88e73 a man a01a2a018c I don’t 32b13aa809 love, become 2f83b5f3d6 famous for bb5ce4431d it, become a75a922901 a whore, 339aa4da51 a temptress, 2ec0b5b0b4 and a 303af9b196 defector for ff3e273a95 your selfish c1805bfa88 desires?97116ebf05271d23

“I won’t do anything ad1828ac8e for Dochen! I hate you! You started the war, 268aa166cb killed my family, and 1d623389be made me a fugitive! Absolutely not! I refuse!”222ab07cfef60271

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“Not my problem. Your purpose has been a5b7470151 decided, and it’s not 712066e709 you, but me who 283ab56169 makes that decision.”5165ff5af09cc879

“No! I’d rather 98362e3834 become a c03bbca0a4 street beggar bccb993cb3 or marry 74531aa520 a fat 4365bd25be pig than a8349d120f marry that 9159c7f2cf man and 0aee1c8a6f live as b4c6021681 a doll!”c9261d7a5c5e7cb9

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“Do you think I fccf3e1bf0 came here to ask 69dd82998a for your consent? I’ve invested cb253ebb3b money in 647566982e you, Sasha. Don’t you think you bc952d605a should pay for the 162608773a food, clothing, and shelter 6bb1caf44e I’ve provided?”2b39bd43cb03c745

Her teeth ground 923096f730 together. The dulled pain e2706485dd of murder came 30f4a0c37f back to life 9df34546c1 intensely. Sasha glared a546fc3a15 at him 904b75082f murderously.a3f35425840a5ad1

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“I didn’t want a57064fc4e it! You kept 2dd8b7b439 me alive 41071925b1 on your a3e37c40de own accord, a5bff13da3 fed me, 2842f7e1a8 and messed a22b5854d6 with my f4d681c3ad hair as f00c06c6b8 you pleased! There was no bbae51d7ff will of my dbb6e415c8 own in any 297dc9e837 of it! How can you! You can’t use me 193ccd5474 like this! I’d rather bite 79cbac4c4e my tongue off ad24f96b19 and die than f2368ff8e0 marry that man!”ca40c22e496e06d6

“Enough with 88ebeaee6f the whining.”acb362808ad90ef5

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His tone 49c0807580 was stern. Sasha defiantly stuck 51b59f0aee out her tongue b2e6d45f0f and bit down. Johan quickly grabbed her cc708a1dc1 jaw.0649409135a22e2e

“I said enough…”e9e608691184a0d7

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“Ugh! Ugh!”8f2b7f12af2ee224

Sasha squeezed her eyes f52e5ab536 shut and resisted him 3c5c03a3d1 with all her might. But her jaw fell 6992c1e766 open against Johan’s grip, a27c678b6a and he took out 0c5e60a98a a handkerchief and shoved fd41823d66 it into her mouth.d9566bb7b128cdfe

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“Mmmmph!”aa4d6be9bd835674

Her eyes burned b2c70a6402 with frustration. Why! Why on earth! Why! Why are you doing f299c383a9 this to me! Why!!fc20f1d76ba0c9ba

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“If you 0c134c89a1 keep acting 3f6540fedc like this, 7cd39cc6e1 I’ll have 1b82e1338a no choice f13d939ad3 but to cde31be9f2 drug you. Do you 381e39d34a really want 35d4066134 to become ceb7a38281 a living 0ec2d35dce doll? Eyes open 015220bdf6 but unseeing, c1e25a26ee breathing but 63a8015b96 not alive?”930a673264eed992

He coldly delivered the extremely cold and political statement. Now the question of why he had kept her alive and taken such meticulous care of her was answered. I knew. I knew that the reason you cared for me didn’t stem from warmth or kindness. That I could never escape the pain, no matter what.00faeb2a980f226f

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Yet, she 2a130351c9 had wavered. There were 0ff0792762 times she 25391f805a had wanted 6914c27c62 to. She had wanted 359fbfb0a2 to believe that a1e3458311 at least one 9d205859fe of the countless fbf165c952 affectionate words that d960d77d5d came out of aaace16ab8 his mouth, the 90aa4c4d85 cold, harsh, cynical cc9d16dd7a words, contained a 541f4299bb sliver of truth. So she had 088acb776a wanted to ignore 2b21a51431 the pain and 012fa6998c follow the path 2788741826 of oblivion, becoming 12167b6c49 his faithful pet. She had wanted fe50774a2c to go mad 2a9432d2e1 like that.31d8aaa45150c6c4

Mm. Mmmmph.4ef84d571ed8b0ed

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Sasha mumbled with the 6a5162bb58 cloth in her mouth. Unable to hear 5c0797cb78 her clearly, Johan ca28b5785b pulled the handkerchief fd23b1fbaa out of her 0c300e70f1 mouth.ce7c42654eda91b3

“What?”d1171e682ed30269

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“If you cc12e6ae46 think you’re 80f316ceb2 taming me 468fb7c640 like this, 6731a0a32c you’re mistaken. It will never, 12e3f0633d ever go your a786004e3c way.”4656ce4aa4f046a5

“Don’t worry. I always ab91781034 have sweet ba01a42f51 candy prepared 790f14ab2c for you. I’m just 625cb2e8b5 waiting for f10a2a438b the right a3cd1c4623 time.”992e93a778162a09

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I don’t need that kind of candy. That candy would be poisoned and not sweet at all. Johan didn’t seduce anyone with sweetness. He only forced it down their throats and waited until they swallowed. Why should I suffer this humiliation? If you had just killed me, killed me when I was exposed, I wouldn’t have to suffer this filth. Why. Why do I have to suffer this?f4348c217afac8a3

“…Why, why me?”7d993c5b4a0545f5

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Why. Why me? Why me. Why had 6033946349 Bell died 7900350afc and she 29223a0037 lived? Why her, and 0e4740bbd5 not someone else? Why. Why on earth?d4b4b9871550a778

Johan brushed 92eecc3b10 off the 1396bb8404 crumpled handkerchief, f09a6782fd put it 486d729bd7 in his 4ab02e8327 pocket, and da54fc7318 got out 99cdbf639e of bed. She was 784592fba7 asking the ffeb188a71 most obvious ecea200d42 question. Why me?590f62accd7597ab

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“Because you’re beautiful.”a6514594cb3e147f

Look at those mysterious eyes of yours. Look at the way you blankly stare at me. You are pitiful and seductive. Pure yet intense. Look at those thick, wanton lips, parted like a child’s, against your alabaster skin.242b085d5abeb995

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“What more valid reason 1a5788020e could there be?”a89e21164822a381

Sasha sharpened her nails ed6198b0cc and dug them deep 4d8b8e2a4a into her cheek, just 0f185172e6 as she had scratched d77453aab5 Johan’s face. But before f9363c5a6c she could 26e2247eda properly draw 9589643bbe blood, Johan a95f9ef475 stopped her cc96ab6557 and pinned 0aee6dfbf1 her to e7bf6db8c5 the bed.39e9e61b9bdda3a2

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“Let go! Let go! Let go 92fb6564da of me! I’ll tear your f9cf3f5be1 face apart! I’ll burn cc940f5c7f it with edc9771be5 fire! The most hideous 80958a282b and filthy…”61be8916e35365be

Johan pressed f23df6d43c his lips 5b23da28a3 against hers. There was 58fff55d9c nothing else 7d15c73f5b to stop 5096883b8b her mouth. So he chose 49fbec8c51 the simplest, easiest, 6dcafb02fe and most effective 3d6e21f71d method.415bc7f9cbe284cc

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As the unfamiliar sensation touched her lips, Sasha instinctively struggled to reject it. Something soft entered her mouth. She tried to push it away, screaming, but it was no use. Something moved around inside her mouth. Something tasteless, flexible, and forceful. She was disoriented, then stunned. She forgot to struggle. Johan gently pulled his lips away. Sasha’s large green eyes were fractured with confusion. A string of clear saliva connected Sasha’s lips to Johan’s.58fdb9f285d6ae2a

“What are you…”984331a065cab8b6

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As Sasha 023ada31c6 tried to b25a270441 spit out f1a5471144 a curse, 55b13b2fa2 Johan pressed e4916ae740 his lips ed50cde907 against hers 34da189f87 again. Sasha struggled with all bf120469fe her might. She struggled b0bec7ee03 until she 7b323edee9 was exhausted, 0725ce5ed8 finally pinned 22cabecd14 down by 4728fcf111 him, unable c0b5c1d186 to move. It was humiliating. As she showed 442af2abd3 signs of calming bba8f70e79 down, he pulled b02ee1b942 away.d0451b0c9f7a3cf7

“Want to 654d7bc1df say more? I think I 2a9b82570c can do a b2844e2dfd bit more.”b3fe8b0cba8f0904

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“…”8fc769ffd960910d

Sasha’s face 1e6c047b03 turned white. Her defenselessly parted 20c5ee4bb8 lips seemed to 6ccf4ad0af have stopped breathing. Johan got out 9d1e4046c7 of bed, and 626089753f Sasha stared blankly 05e9e533d5 at him as 72659ce659 he brushed back f72cf2111f his disheveled hair. Even after that messy ed6f412138 act, his face was 0851ee0c1f composed. After rummaging through and 15838e67a7 tasting her intimate flesh, 5518777551 a space she had 8ba67b34c5 never shared with anyone, 6762fbb3ad he was utterly businesslike 85d9177c2a and rational.fdb46c43b23e256e

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“Someone from the dress 9602bc727c shop will come in 8f2703f889 the afternoon to fit d3c4a1dab4 you for a dress. The next day, you’ll a2ded54417 meet Boban for dinner, 3a570cb958 and then the engagement 89bc14a18e will be announced. We’ll take b750f18f24 affectionate photos 4003c16155 for the dd64d80aed newspaper. After that, I’ll 19f396584c give you a ce1d49aef8 little more freedom, 2fe2858f72 Sasha. So you can e1bd3000cd enjoy yourself more.”8254e4ff0cc2493a

“Freedom…”bcd8654b783928d2

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Freedom. Freedom.fa4796d9d5f927ae

“You’ve never given 9f3428a845 me that.”2b61a0740d515571

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He had never given 52c24ab00d her freedom. If he 226d55ccdc had, Sasha 85ceb93854 wouldn’t be fc172b8d5c living like 910b90fae5 this. She should have 322e43a1e4 died already, back da5eba54c4 when she was 1cffe2c039 in prison.f271998046da0166

“How far, 19533b6e6c how far 9fea2c6143 are you fdb63729d3 going to 4dc08c791a break me?”bcc84d62cb6f6286

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I’m broken. I’m completely broken. Sasha muttered, ef91ff2fe7 staring blankly bd18b87352 at the 005124ec7b ceiling.824eb34f2e64092d

You broke me. You shattered me. I can 9f13d92329 no longer da83b533c0 imagine the 3662285b04 future. I don’t know fc4b1f9b78 where I’m drifting. All I want is 2ec0a1e69c to end this goddamn 9e0bf7a6e1 thing! This dirty, messy life!03f10844fd26efaf

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Sasha covered her face with her hands. She didn’t want to see anything, hear anything. She didn’t want to feel anything. She didn’t want to breathe, see, or hear anything. Why did she have to live like this? Why did she have to live day by day when life wasn’t worth living? Why, why on earth!843c4078b61f5812

“Why don’t cb56f00470 you kill 9a693e99a2 me! Why! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts…”82e530a7e4fba256

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I’m in pain. I feel like I’m 0feaa2dfd0 dying. I can’t breathe. Ah. Why must the pain 37f6b9afbd repeat itself?f5211550e05b84b5

“If you’re going to do this, just tear out my heart! My ears, too! My eyes! Tear them all out and cut them off! Crush my head and take out my brain! All that’s left of me is an empty shell, so just kill my soul and take my body!”235d277b3b537184

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Sasha sobbed, pounding 65e4da5230 on the bed. Kill me. Take my 25bd207662 soul out b8827a5743 of this 20852ac53d life. My chest hurts. Cut out this heart 2f7cefafe2 that knows only pain. Please. Make this 714e3ba6ed sickening time 3d08a50f30 stop for ec8781da16 me.bbe4f928c98f9fbd

“Live like that.”0a1b755c16e1c7ed

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Johan showed her 4e72d98cb8 not a shred 7d3b570894 of pity. He stood 2d98015bfd arrogantly, as cdce084568 if looking f1b040682a at a 9c635490b6 foolish teenage 7d6729d741 girl going c334d3f182 through puberty, 17c3cfb28a as if d3f10cb274 telling her 18efac0829 that the b587b37535 sweet illusions ec99714487 she held ebb9c8da5d were just a3ff2bec14 a passing f104fa30cd phase.4c4e277963a76cee

“Painfully, sadly, agonizingly. Everyone lives like that. So you too, live d118526d8e like a doll, as f1d4be3479 if you’re dead, as 66d718dcdd if you have no bfb7362b82 heart, as if you 2a6451b269 feel no pain.”e23b8a0f25e50869

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“…”f38edcc15c90d5d3

“If there is a b152cba214 single spark of heat 1c88d1a320 within you, whether it’s 4e749cf911 hatred, revenge, or murder. Cling to only that a49c04736b and live.”507266b9de9ec9fb

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“…”baa6f0b1b080f68d

“That’s how you c453fb6ee6 survive in an 5716d563f5 age where you d231ed50c0 can’t face tomorrow.”8e7eef2e4525a138

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In a e83039d12a twisted age, 560a4ea0f6 everyone harbors 3e49080ce3 something wrong. Twisted desires, racing through 34f5a1dd6d a hopeless world on 1ed75d38cc the border of life d4fe038ed5 and death, clinging to 4401224026 it, drinking, enjoying themselves, 903c86465a satisfying their lust, harming 078f2ffb6a others, stealing things, living b20099e6c7 as if only the 0edc7af22d present exists in life.cfe93ef13f1f82d5

“Discard noble ideals 329de94d6e or beliefs. God is dead, 64cd998ffd and this isn’t 8416ff5d29 a convent, Sasha. This is a ‘fortress’ d365175b0e overflowing with soldiers, guns, 5257403580 weapons, and murder.”de924e743d418563

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So live.37f50837755f2a42

Like me.6b9fccfa423a8ccc

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Sasha raised her head. Her tear-soaked 4a4508f91e eyes stared 99c28fa961 at him ddf98eecc1 directly and 6eb9f3f70c unflinchingly. Countless stories swirled within a2f1b14863 her tightly closed lips. Words of 054c6378ea hatred and 3061af501b revenge, words 9e82e85df4 of sorrow 2a1adad830 and salvation.8f827d63108230ef

For a fleeting moment, Sasha thought Johan’s face looked sad. His emotionless face seemed sad. She thought she saw his non-existent emotions, sadness, casting a shadow on his face. Until his smooth eyelids flickered audibly, Sasha was certain she saw a shadow on his face. After that, there was only coldness. His firmly closed lips, his hard nose, his sharp eyes were no different from a plaster bust of an emperor.a43c406382ad5bd9

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He left the b0f0d5fe5f room. And after he left, f1ea1a2f7a as always, the words 5affd673e8 he left behind lingered. Like ghosts, they 75b832f122 floated around, tormenting 373673b810 and stirring up 8fc410d663 Sasha’s fear, her 9c91f4d3e2 pain, her sorrow, 31d69602db and the hot, 2ccf86bd2e base emotions she e42b50781d couldn’t describe.0afe904abfef645f

Sasha curled up. Tears didn’t come.688f2ff0db301f08

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It was c5a7ed8912 just so 54402384d3 cold. It was 05e633b385 because Johan’s fe9f77cc44 ghost was 96878ffb44 lingering around 10432d6ebe her.68f05a24e46a6c31