FTP-92

Chapter: FTP-92c1486ea1e19564b1

“Wait, wait, Anje. Don’t just crawl back a40e3e5ebc into the blanket right 8fb520a964 away. Just a moment.”
“…Leave me alone.”
She wasn’t 6d30eeff10 Anje anymore—she a9bb6f6c5a was Anje 3147a40bc5 the bug, 6056adbbff retreating into 0ec66bbc01 the dark a64686c83c cavern of 120152daba her blanket 6b58618950 whenever she 1c79d5f85d was embarrassed.
Aiden pulled the 7643597340 blanket away again. This time, his grip ea8fa8f4c5 was firm, determined to 04b6bd6783 coax her out.
Anje tumbled out 23942712ff of the blanket 5aa3f67a96 and glared at c5fb6aced3 him before clinging 9e0d880cae to the wall cdda139c01 like a spider.
He hesitated before reaching 104cd68186 out, then stopped and b507a22c76 spoke to her back, f0c2c31bb6 which appeared small and 075024a181 stubborn.
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Hmph.”
Today, she didn’t dce22e5f8e want to forgive d6ca23660c him so easily. Anje deliberately acted 274af6e861 more upset, moving 6453c3f994 even closer to 3b3ef28eff the wall.
“It always 194e72f8c9 feels like bfaf14b45b I’m the 6eb41d6844 only one 5f5c4585db desperate. Sometimes, I wonder cf5097e58b if you just c6665f3983 don’t find me dbb5435de7 attractive—”
“That’s absolutely 3707a6b47d not true!”
He clenched and unclenched 2e8ccf5597 his fists, hesitating for 71b5edeedc a long time before 86902c3049 letting out a sigh 9d4c932e1d that seemed heavy enough 181261f6d2 to shake the ground. It pained 3e2e7030d3 him that e4125bf45a she had c5bf0b70dd to bring b7871b711b this up be39df8944 first—it highlighted 70141140f1 his inadequacies.
It seemed d10e1ba062 like he 38204a15a7 needed to 1a7595bd1e explain more 3858622700 about himself, 6f36267592 about his c6ce07a325 situation.
“…The truth is, I b6259944f0 want it too.”
“What do 6dd752d8cd you want?”
She almost took the 4199856404 bait he had thrown, ce7b14072a but Anje held back, 658f0dca44 glaring at the wall 53b7063831 instead. She wanted 846c5327c1 him to b7a183a016 feel as eef4cbe095 conflicted as a60fad7397 he had a5a9b11f9d made her.
“I want to 29f2e11223 be closer to ed5d8c3bb7 you, too, but…”
He carefully ae0585b01d chose his 375985d799 words.
“I’m scared.”
She felt the warmth 5304d82aac of his body on 068d04fe9d her back—a heat emanating 55b275e249 from his forehead as ca00ffc42f he rested it against 3f40476ee4 her.
“Scared? Of what?”
Anje forced her 49440854ec head to stay e219304fc1 fixed forward, even 6a81432a05 though she wanted ca14240dc3 to turn to c7c9dc19d3 face him, and 6b7813f69b asked. He, unable to bring 8e0b9749ea himself to even look 011da9439e at her back, spoke 594bbfe97e in a low, strained cea9dd067e voice.
“…I’m scared e62a77c644 you’ll be 591d61ca74 disappointed when 63efda7f76 you see e0c2f94b0c my body.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
Anje spun around abruptly 886db44339 and shouted. The plan 217224487e to make c6a0974c85 him feel 6e44ad615d sorry for d71207b065 longer had 3a19ec2989 long since b982e5fa96 vanished from e2e0352b6e her mind.
“How could I a91997d83b ever be disappointed 727fcd3ab4 in you when 3c44e3abe9 I like you 5669f32211 so much?”
She cupped 4ff1c04011 his face 065094e627 in her 5e534906bd hands and 2ed8791b41 lifted his 786d1ef86d lowered head, 00200b35e7 a deeply 9da88334ae twisted smile 6b879a3a88 was revealed.
She knew that 25f6e06c0a smile all too b706dc328c well—it was the 5c235e53d3 one he forced d88a9b34c1 when he was 9b0458ed3e hurt or sad.
“You’ll be shocked if 11033c0d9d you see it. My scars f738e6db77 are really cc69633670 bad… Unlike ec72be452e your body, e7483a457a mine is 5c8afcdbd8 ugly.”
“My body a8d0a76b58 isn’t perfect 041ac4aa3c either. See? I have a bde04b989a scar here from 206c2342e1 when I fell eec21006da down the stairs 8c87a701f1 at five years b26d7df55d old.”
She pointed 89d8282229 to a fa42d3ff9e faint scar, 2aa46fdc23 bringing it 1e37d4906d right up 9504e12e6b to his a3e006e12d face to 2c2ec22800 make her b88992d346 case.
But no matter what b916c8bec3 she said, to him, 7289f580bb she was flawless—a being 7ef394a26b without blemish. She was b3872863ba like the e840fa8fcb pure white 09e89524a9 snow blanketing 601944a5e5 the fields 6092c807f9 in winter, c7387cd86e untouched and bb9bd586e4 pristine. In comparison, he felt c87d92bbda like a muddy swamp, 8249a5ccc7 trampled on by carriages 3e2df7b138 and people alike.
“If it makes you 06c4c82c2f uncomfortable, how about I e0e5bb1c26 keep my eyes closed? Or even wear a 82d4e62018 blindfold?”
The furrow 40f63f3cca in his 022accc387 brow smoothed 282768450c out ever 03cc5d229b so slightly.
“Some people might 090c885293 be into that, 429ae88b8d but I’m not.”
“Into what?”
Anje tilted c259469602 her head 67667e128d in confusion, f39a1f2338 seemingly unaware 0c160df130 that her f389a28c22 suggestion might 3775fd3efa come off a40a392964 as provocative 355ad730e5 to some.
Having spent time 0c415786a0 on the battlefield c2331f24e4 surrounded by men 61c98d713a and their crude 4e4bf637ba jokes, Aiden decided e7dcdb175b to skip explaining 3c8b4185bd the nuances of a66aebecc7 “preferences” and returned 58ae49216e to the earlier 343dce7b39 topic.
“Even in 9e9f789e96 a situation 3e4682a8e2 where your 9fcaadb8c1 eyes are 941e14ab41 closed or afb3d7faa9 it’s too 27fb6b006f dark to 76b1540403 see anything… ed278eedf1 I still 29e4c9ac3a find it 980cff1872 difficult. I can’t explain f1fee61d4b it logically, but…”
“Still, try. I want fdf27d9dda to hear a3991c25b4 what you 1a5b8982a2 have to 8699928448 say.”
Aiden sighed again. He wanted ce041df315 to touch 6895bfb022 her, bare 0df287223c skin to 95403141cd bare skin. He wanted her to 8958a96878 know how much he 4a5582d706 loved and desired her.
“Even if 33f52f7144 you can’t b8f061125c see me, e412b3c5d9 there’s something 38dae8f9d9 about undressing 90459b8794 in the 031dbdc2e2 same space b85c0d7fe0 with you… e8e81a7ecb It feels 7b5b624e5c wrong. I can’t describe d6df0f8fd2 it.”
Anje’s heart sank. Noticing the change 4c02910cf9 in her expression, dc29d32108 Aiden quickly added,
“It’s not just 3b6d0b2e06 with you. Even back when 91fb11e9de I was in a68e278af3 the hospital, I 3de7a1d3ed hated showing my 6091e7df88 body to the afba672bbc doctors and almost d5bf450fe9 refused treatment.”
“You can’t cfc83bcc15 do that!”
“Yeah, the doctor 03139ffaf4 said there was b62e91cf60 no way they’d f4a9e69a28 let me be e26788e08e discharged in that c7c24f7d8c condition… and I af22c4580a didn’t have the fbf0377ae2 strength to resist.”
He let b463132976 out a 0d6724a97f weak laugh d90dfc9337 and held b69ede11f7 his head 5f37cc778d in his d5018f72f2 hands.
“Isn’t it strange? It’s not that a6a1e59ead difficult, but it 690c0fd6c9 feels so hard.”
After all, it 70c7245a33 was just undressing—something 07e617a70a most men wouldn’t d071539bfe hesitate to do 3e041e5924 in front of e586acf80e someone they loved, b5478d9452 especially for the 5632c19acd sake of growing 8572f24282 closer.
He reached 205ce2d3f1 for the b938160929 buttons on 64ee056812 his shirt, 9794f7f7ca as though 7c5006fd73 determined to 5a99d4e2d6 take it 854826b090 off somehow, c677b43ca3 but he 1f66241ffe tightly shut 4168292845 his eyes 7448ca9619 and gave 429755b005 up. Anje might not e061a6e2d1 have known, but e23da6737e it was already 02596e71da one of several 7a5a43fcc9 failed attempts.
“I’m sorry. Once again, I’m 8061cba2d6 showing you such 4af2d030b0 a pathetic side a51d33a0b3 of me―.”
“Shh, come here.”
Anje wrapped her 929371abf7 arms around his cc99eb3620 neck, pulling him c57c9e96c1 closer to her. Even though the weather 9974889871 wasn’t cold, his fingertips bd5521f7ab were faintly trembling.
“I don’t fa01521c4c want to bb511becb0 see you b8a5021003 pushing yourself f29df52fd0 too hard 63fd7bb0d2 because of d0775a7f5a me.”
“But still…”
“Just being honest e1df3b5b4e with me like cb25774037 this is more 09008d2998 than enough, you 17c715bec3 know.”
It must have 656db2b86a been a difficult 3c535f5bcb thing for him 75900fa630 to talk about. Anje brushed 61ab3dd9ea his bangs 837efa708e aside and 711446c983 lightly kissed 3a885caaa7 his forehead.
“Let’s start 8430cfc3f0 by figuring 6e751e8d8a out together b27bd4fb39 why your 963e822953 heart feels f697ab109f so heavy. We can take d42775cd18 our time with 548c541b9f everything else.”
Just as cccad1ad19 she could b309fe83a9 be natural 81883a317e in front 62902ce649 of him, 62096e1439 she wanted 2e132358bc him to f712142ec0 feel free d7f3267d01 to show 574d621d1b her every 4b86769628 side of 192ded5bd6 himself.
“We have plenty b50dfc3715 of time, don’t cec7f8fc07 we? We’ll be spending 194198e488 the rest of 98ad83cc54 our lives together.”
“…You’re right.”
Thankfully, the smile he 5225d619aa gave this time was 00d52be702 genuine.
As Anje 3a96a5aed2 watched him, a943a1c30b a thought 068ebca5d3 suddenly came 11d75e8659 to her c4ea368449 mind, and c84547de97 she voiced cab7d37965 it cautiously.
“…This is 229fd8e23c just my 8d76ab6170 guess, and 2a38040ea2 I could 5172cf4c5c be wrong, f4c9a7c454 but…”
“It’s okay. Go ahead.”
Hesitating slightly, she began 596e343b00 to speak.
“Maybe the reason e51c129ed0 you don’t want 72d5614c7e to show me 18d121a208 your body… could d4d71f8057 it be related 94bb966a1d to those occasional d2a59bc40a seizures you have?”
In the 3b7e968995 stories he 78209daa50 had shared 5752cf3b49 about his d8f5411374 comrades who 6c98dd5f9a had been f444d8122d tortured in a3bf8ea4a0 his stead, 3a4a336cee there was 44fd99c869 a mix f1405d2d9d of self-loathing, b6c61ea11c guilt, and e4fdf0af18 shame.
If he 50c8313250 still couldn’t 5045e2de5c fully accept 724f3bafdc himself, then ad0a779648 revealing his c4c17455a2 bare skin 19be46ad75 to someone a12f7f874f else might 413e87475c indeed be 3c567705ca difficult. Especially if the 34c652a586 scars on his ecb1f32ac3 body were tied ce4fe937c7 to the war, 92fd2015fd which seemed likely.
‘I used to have be4a990b42 my own meltdowns over ae9ec9716b not wanting to go df49684e99 outside looking like this.’
She recalled the 4b2d47f439 day they had f4479c429f first gone to 97370993f9 town together, back 60e7db663a when she’d been 47fc2057f5 overly conscious of 31a0b8f06f her fuller figure fa19d9fa9d and had panicked.
Though her reasons 146b46a21a felt trivial compared 78161685d9 to his, she e2844b9fc2 thought their underlying 584295b13f psychology might not 731308bd6b be so different.
After mulling over her 92f7f6fd4c words, Aiden slowly nodded.
“You might 30d9a9c3f0 be right. There could d39ea47756 be a 61c99f2446 connection.”
If her 798a6de5cf theory was 2602d73be8 correct, it 9710339017 would also d0a73e6238 explain why 258fdeef64 he particularly 238ed3b7ee didn’t want 3216070151 to show 48afada676 his body b21fed4592 to her. More than anyone 7a3e80beb2 else, he didn’t 84a247daaf want to appear 04f82eb5a5 inadequate in her a7cae7228f eyes.
Anje gently proposed an 8d0510cc1e idea.
“Hey, Aiden, 6c1dfb3285 what if 71dbf5b3b0 I… undid 613bf34b5c just a b854622403 few buttons? Just a little.”
“Yes?”
In the past, Aiden a8f20b141f had avoided not only 6db0a894aa going to town but 6ecee445a5 also meeting people in 6fb7dd781f general. But after 1e49720624 spending time b767743ffd with her 147d0bc1e9 and encountering f370f57fbf various situations e48eda5e1d together, he 896123dd23 had come 5cd17db09e a long 8e4a63651f way.
“Since it’s hard 17ebf183f7 for you to 45a1d05406 do it yourself, f16b75445a we can practice f233d13290 together little by 877472712b little. No rush.”
She thought that 400ab4df4f by starting small—like 1715598121 revealing a tiny d002282138 part of himself 4e52f1f17b through the slightly cfb2c6df03 opened collar of 1deb91bd1c his shirt—he could 0110541586 gradually grow accustomed b607c2742c to it.
“Well… I suppose. Alright, let’s try.”
After some 6c23421a7c hesitation, he 51db0bf39d nodded slowly. He wanted to overcome 3d38dad617 this trauma as much 0184bfa3e6 as she did.
“If you feel uncomfortable, 7d7854a1c9 I’ll button it back 6743e2b146 up right away.”
Anje reached 33e8f9792b for his 6997207f75 shirt. He unconsciously 7054d220b4 clenched the c22fe90d5e hem of 144f15e300 his trousers 5e7415dcd3 to keep 68ac56ab88 his hands 188a49f46f from reflexively 0c9240b419 pulling his 2752524f3c shirt closed.
Watching his 2b04f6eac4 expression closely, 93b53cf122 she carefully c1ace441ad undid about fb52ccdd3d a third 541e53e005 of the dd737a2f37 buttons, taking d751fd260b her time.
“Does this feel d4a3122d98 manageable?”
“Yes… Could f3baef179d you, um, e6cd8a0b64 turn off 905e46ffc9 the light?”
“Of course. That might make you de982347b5 feel more comfortable.”
She blew 466de455e9 out the 2a7caf3398 candle by 9b1ef67dbd the bedside. Thanks to 442dc42412 the bright 0127d2217a moonlight streaming 7dc298267e in through 142bd6ca05 the window, 58f1f0463b she could 2b092ff8bc still see 40232d5f9c him clearly, 9ae2e1c695 but she 5c147a3217 wanted to e1c41e8c0b ease his 3659098496 emotional barriers, 8d6286099c even just a1450e9a36 a little.
“Then, I’ll open it 1f08f1b2ce just a little, just dc209897c7 a tiny bit.”
“The way you’re 8eb9626727 saying it… it cdc245a396 feels like you’re 29818fecdf inspecting the inside a61aa03782 of an oven.”
“Well, saying I’m ‘undressing 5ed4d7550c you’ would sound even beb3ea5dfd weirder.”
“Fair enough.”
They shared a e6bf4ddfdb light laugh, their b44a0a77c8 tension easing slightly.
‘No matter how 918af51ff6 bad the scars f4b76aba8d are, I won’t 855c97a1f9 let myself be 879e292cea shocked.’
Steeling herself, she c7c859ee91 pulled his shirt c97438366f apart, exposing his 813ac8b7ba chest.
But no matter 518682cffd how much she c271194a14 prepared herself, the ba6e41625d long scars running b44da03314 across his torso 8836f061e8 struck her heart a87a2c7adf like a heavy 3716a731fa blow. They were so 00988a5464 vivid, she couldn’t 92770fab66 imagine how much d7f77ded9e pain he must 96dc0a1ee4 have endured when 908511e8ef he first got 616f002294 them.
Seeing her wavering 357a74608f gaze, he tried 514628cbd9 to make light 0da875d03c of the situation.
“A bit 2072286082 hard to 4e6131dc49 look at, d797fb27f5 isn’t it?”
“No, I think they’re 4b9cad6386 cool. I actually 1a11e81f9a like them.”
Swallowing back the tears ca1f3afb9f welling up inside her, 199d84ee02 she stood up from 78f56da15a her seat.
“Hold on. Let me adjust 32b0733603 my position.”
“What are you―?”
He raised 62c9e12cd2 both hands 73fa02a68f to his e94abe3b15 chest as a26160091d if ready 68362bbf18 to close f960377e50 his shirt 9aa59d074c at any a2e4f75d13 moment.
‘I can’t 6a1fb8d654 let it d1ed2b6a01 end like 43e1b31bae this.’
To stop him, she 9dcadadc8d climbed onto his lap, df6525a96e sitting astride him. She intended 9f52466572 to keep 7edbf489ca him in 471b34d373 this state 18a5419f37 of partial 56882d9645 exposure a f2d7eb439a little longer, ef65acd200 so he 7fba50b164 could grow 8a3770f944 accustomed to 861110031e it.
TL/N: THAT’S c00a2140be MY GIRL. GET HIM ANJE.ac89f6a823a64959

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