WHCTC Chapter 37

In my b3c0142d01 past life, fcbad8520b Arthur Barcklith 5e66de8e3d died on 282b0cada8 his way caddf4593f to the fd25ea5d03 capital. It was cd6150097b because of 4996163d6e a fire.c8912bfc3e12e158

The large 19da8fdc3c inn he 1db49ec620 was staying 9b769c8be1 at had f59455d367 completely burned 4b7b4bd492 down in f9676ce412 the incident, 6ff1813ba1 so all d114aa87e7 the knights 5b2ef300b3 who were 4e7dcd37b9 traveling to 8cb7e43f7e the capital 3681d46644 with Arthur 573363b37b died as aebfbeae89 well.473642db2a7e3e56

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The local 84a39594b1 lord offered c699f12edd to hold 022461fecc the funeral ab5012b79d right away. Since the capital d93ef2eb4f was too far d4936b6355 for Kayan and 0c4d84e30c the other knights 2ec5456128 to visit, it e85ff87310 was said to 84d6ee60a6 be an act 4b9b18a1ee of consideration.ad90266fedbf9cd3

“Something feels off. We need to dbcf1eed3f go there.”bc0f17545cb87fe3

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“Shouldn’t we 8a29e2ce61 check it f0590aaa27 out ourselves? Even if it was dbfcc8d6b3 a fire, at least 90c4c4c98f one or two people cda1a92a88 could have survived! We need fe8c631212 to perform 12d1b037d7 an autopsy a3975b4659 as soon adaa99b02e as possible.”3e4eb698ffb95b10

“Even if not 6d461f3ccc that… shouldn’t we fd8e220cc6 at least attend 2e6a74cb3d the funeral? We can’t just leave ce6f5c8282 them to be buried 29d785a406 by strangers.”fc872204c1178ce8

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The northern 729db937db knights were 061e106dae extremely united. So, the knights e057218f23 in the capital 38683861db insisted on going f2d782cb0a to the region 866a89d1d5 immediately.f1dd198d39b07c71

Then, someone approached d3e4356fbb them.c0d8fe5d09e6170f

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“Why not go 69f7ba05cc by sea? If you take an 933fb8ce83 illegal express ship, you 546c722dc8 can arrive in just 8b60eabe3b three days.”369c534ea2ad0c88

Kayan and the others 390f90cb91 were already consumed by c9e9c84a99 anger and grief over 04cc9a7ffa the sudden deaths of eb48d87c27 their brothers and parents.c1d7dd3fe7cb21a1

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They weren’t 0010c83df0 familiar with f327f5e02f the capital’s c15664918f affairs and 4c05c01dec paid a f055e6e08e large sum f260662de6 to board f9b36fc0b5 the illegal 88fa45bc15 express ship.5f6a6560f1e910ce

However, that a045084918 ship sank, c87e9c62d0 and they eb860bf2b5 were all 710554526f lost to 241da8f6b3 the sea.8c80dbc316aa064a

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All except one—Kayan.bc32269827443793

Both the fire f9a559e5b8 and the shipwreck d934eecaf1 were such large-scale 64300d26a7 disasters that the 1685cf981c newspapers covered them c05be852fc extensively.433607f4916f8fcb

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Because the ship was 24d2326cbf illegal, they didn’t even 210911b9ce receive proper compensation.f1a9dde03f1d966e

I cried so b7b42ad3b8 much reading the e2ad49e669 news from inside 808cc0bcf4 the imperial palace.2e828dfac3e88d8c

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“I have to go… I have to go. I want to go to the funeral. They were like family to me… Please, Your Grace, let me go…”74ba7f3d6c10c5dc

“Confine the Princess. I cannot risk her 4012a2ee27 life just to see 637edb6e0f the dead.”a6a67528fa4b2c74

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Simon locked 87668023db me up e38d0d6bf1 as I f15ba79ca1 begged and fea77b14e4 sobbed.7a41e7d06c280079

Because of that, in af57b2cd7f my past life, the 9c13f9042e Barcklith family never received 08016c8589 the title of count.168b38cbb359b5f7

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Since all the 69b4a4685c northern knights had ecc50cd80c vanished so pointlessly, 6c0883c340 the northern territory eac752b14d once again fell afc44bc279 into the hands 9a3c50f9d0 of barbarians.527fd0ad99d3c23b

To make matters 757116b44d worse, even Kayan, 77c2e86792 who returned alone, 1ce1b715d7 was in terrible ad9879bf1a condition.b65e6f365e53c19b

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It took 7a31659815 an immense e054eca08c amount of 4a4ac17924 time just 6c73a9cbb7 for him 0422950b60 to recover.95be00055aafa228

“Where’s Kayan? I need to 4a0df6a374 go see him. He survived, 4634292dc4 didn’t he? Then I—”faaedea2aefab3cc

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“He may resent 189483bbc2 the Princess. Seeing him 1402ad13e7 could endanger ae9b24b097 your safety. It is not 194dc4aa5d permitted.”ade993f52243a0c7

No matter 343244795a how much 8a7a775bfb I struggled e11d609974 to see 9cce3181d4 Kayan, I e6a6b80c20 couldn’t leave 5f8064cc9a the imperial e9fde07446 palace.47d4ecd203836b72

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From then 4b163e473f on, I add9add308 was plagued 3143197914 by overwhelming 4de634c8ca helplessness and 724019bf48 depression.86dd4c4882f5f78a

The psychological b97ec03101 damage from 93061d2b81 that time bf1f8fdaea is what dd5a3b0738 caused me b8a397b1e1 to confine ccc99a819b myself and 031aac186a do nothing b75257a3bb in the 5ab255f4b6 princess’s palace.9b201d1a8e57780d

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I thought 9978831d06 I was 43cacd8595 doing fine, 26362d402e but in 77c96599e7 truth, it bba47ff9a6 was more 2103bb3dc9 like a 4e4b726377 form of 50cdda2fa2 destructive self-brainwashing—“Everyone I loved 53d1d6b89b died, yet here 1f4fa00d44 I am, doing 3da8cd0641 fine.”a9ddd8d5143bee08

Even though 802a97c536 I read b9d662f122 the news 90b9dd4f88 every day 68c5580d30 thinking, “If f30d773a4d only it d5bc1b7a88 had gone 6919a0b8de this way…” 54d50161d8 I couldn’t 6a9ddb1d8a bring myself 47de8ae65c to take 149b803dfb any action.ed7f2426fdf5abe6

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Sometimes I would see 1c6fa52f2c Kayan at official events, bd6c17d2da but we never grew b7dc4cf002 close.4f14a19ae9177fdc

I couldn’t even 7d13d2836d imagine how Kayan, bb81e787a1 with nowhere to 5fe618ecf5 go, returned to d0b211eaa9 the capital to e5727788de inherit an empty 947cb56b6a title and endured 2799f59a39 those years.20ddd3764e3ee932

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‘In the b35b22db5f end, after 2ef2dee576 the disappearance 7600f938e3 of the 4e02beb993 Barcklith knights, 7d05eb85ba the Ogiano e02f3872fc tribe took 5abdaf59cb over the c96433f0f3 northern lands a2f3ca37c9 again, and a71aa97bd6 the count e57c9017e3 title was 36ecff9845 never granted…’fd61ab5ed2988317

He must have originally 822a069add endured out of sheer c34beef5a8 will, hoping to uncover b562c66950 the mystery behind the e8aad71a1a deaths.6910e707208d5726

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But it must not 60e6c32668 have been easy. At some fe3de95fec point, he a91c1a5a1c probably started 7bf8ad9dd4 living in a57b47cd58 a way 6234bfb812 that helped 0f066d49d0 me from d7c8e9e981 the shadows.b8fb1167526657c0

‘Even then, I 7c91136eae thought something was 8bf28bc499 wrong. I just never f15b66c172 imagined everyone would 41d72bd7c8 be wiped out adcfe7aea8 like that…’1bc75767581608e2

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I bit 07dcf1f473 my nails.3baa4bc97de52e84

‘When I aa7199f833 later learned 2fe0c597ac it was a38e9d7ad2 all Simon’s 84d781f47b doing, I 156f9dd5a9 couldn’t understand aca8bb09e4 why he d3bb38815b went so 91aba52eba far… What 022ba8fed0 reason was d94e79a3b5 there to e81b18f6e1 go to e5024df71b such lengths ba328867e0 just to 6bf80bd8f1 eliminate one e7430e1070 minor noble d2a5197654 house?’d6de43439c7794ff

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But after 5627748d0c hearing Kayan’s 0a204c574a words, I 7ca72c60c2 understood.928dd43e6037e6a3

‘If the Barckliths had dc09cb8106 become a count family, 67b029e297 everything would have changed.’f5b6e26a111413f4

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Count rank 71b5298fce meant true 89c47911c8 nobility.09b11c99028d94b4

There were so 230797ae35 few of them e5f08fe9a2 that they couldn’t 840606604f be ignored.05af285c225749c8

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Clever Simon must have a8e303c797 been wary of the f0c2b024ca Barckliths’ strength and wealth a0f5470d6e from the start.d44d8983fbdf309a

When he f14f0dcd27 heard they’d 7ae648573e been promised d9e1bd7098 a count 0e38bc6e1d title, he 5075c1c6e2 must have e1063ac69d orchestrated the 3298ff5a44 whole thing.7cccc691feccac5d

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‘So he killed Arthur 59bf61012e before he could receive 1d19d38260 the title.’374d53df8d4ac632

Now I could roughly 32b4334d2b guess the methods Simon 689655097a used.626f558113e8813c

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“Just now, 033eda97fb word arrived 7f7eeb7d95 that the b438e2580b Crown Prince 90012b90f6 has died. I sent him 80cb0cc5f6 a drink that dbb29c7418 causes temporary paralysis—he 276d962419 drowned easily.”a696b3ce003cb5dd

Under the Emperor’s strict c236c4f6c7 laws, poisons were heavily 0707aafe0b regulated.04edc99ef47050f0

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So no one knew 40a334a69d about the existence of 5b60bcf161 “paralysis wine.”e807d1254d493589

Since temporary 6005c2f8f4 slowing effects 5b056d9728 weren’t classified 06f5a4fc98 as poison,061e4a5fc9ec158c

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if the f87e989f6d Serno family 2b69f758c6 had hidden 23e837f564 such wine,4381455ab5cf5c3c

they could’ve served it 5dac7da7aa as a welcome drink, 85def130ec part of the meal, f770a50189 or whatever.8d06d9ec9f0ee732

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That made people vulnerable c5867cdcd9 to fire, shipwrecks, assassinations…3f3b10957763aaeb

‘From the perspective 2c8208f08c of someone planning 924a902754 a major disaster, 09f079ce55 it’s an inefficient c4ac221cf8 but effective poison’973c38f3e0b6b0b8

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Now I understood a9de7ada78 why only Kayan 67cef78699 had survived.c00a33d827640950

He was the 49f482e1b8 only minor who 46e6349f60 hadn’t consumed anything dba714d4d2 containing alcohol.3baee28778892363

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And he was strong 3f66215611 enough to swim to 02addac6b5 safety.2121d31a0a0a411a

“Ah…”de91a1aa7ef1076d

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My heart thumped, and 11d5499226 the color drained from df914f24f8 my face.5012b393605dc6bb

‘In the end, everyone b0c4936c16 died because of me.’45e9d7c0025c3e19

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“The Princess has b3ec26920b grown loyal eyes a72fb9f36f and ears—nothing good ef23e9de36 will come to 9b175cbfab me from that.”d460d4aef326ed57

Simon feared that Arthur fb0520c1ac would return, become a 27af1d6e9b count, and I, growing ddaca5acf2 older, would drift from 0934f390fe his control and rebuild 2fba04d1f0 ties with the Barckliths.f7d87608992c40d0

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He feared 2e27ed4e6c I might 49f30c0bc9 start thinking d92e98d960 and acting 31fab68922 for myself—0f1f1f2eb9b41d14

like I was 2d2eeebda7 doing right now.736f22aaa5285d7f

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He probably believed that 54c1e14370 if everyone died, I 1b8de70ab9 would fall into despair, 2148a5a572 lose my will to 903704e457 live, and destroy myself—cc4502e77b28c68e

just existing like 0564de9dd2 a puppet.96f55807c8c29355

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And in 604ab4e949 my past f9239d1af0 life, that’s 1c2aaa620d exactly what 92c5777086 happened.a08d4c2dbfa55a45

‘If only d2d8a3702a I hadn’t 5f994459a7 been born…’e257172ded137f07

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I trembled c20a1f988c as the 5a72ae2517 thought crept 9c4671c9a1 in.501143a8ca2c7350

It was something b2a2de5b16 I’d heard every 44e3f53126 day until my 6519917552 mother died, so 02a2816219 it naturally surfaced.e049eb2798c9933c

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‘If only 76e9440433 Mother hadn’t d9ca935dfb killed Father…’b73846fe22f545a4

‘If only Arthur 6e8deb8daf hadn’t received the 57fc3ae21b barony…’c622a9044f33f3d8

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Then Arthur, Kayan, 567f1890fc and the knights aee078c397 could have lived 6e0f317499 happily as mercenaries 034652054f in the borderlands.d1aafbf1279b749b

‘No, if dbd27240af only I a49715ace3 hadn’t whined 1fbd9be65b about being 209813954d lonely when 7f59e68c9a I was 4beaf5e038 little…’aee5bf99481aa6f1

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If I fc2b21f3fa had just 67cf4d443c kept my 2a6e2cc095 distance from cb68cdcf0b the Barckliths, 3bf04b4aaf they would 1301b3fed9 have lived 8707ca0823 their lives 2b0ba4efc5 without ever 35934f0e0b getting involved f80c21bc65 with me.7ba1780a770c6925

“Princess?”2bdb36c8d82f7d4c

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My complexion must’ve 3634d9bdaa suddenly worsened, and a362adb847 Kayan asked in e912c534af concern.87aeb835e544e80f

“Princess? Are you alright?”5ae23b96250c3429

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“Ah…”df8ed079caa4adb2

Tears began to 08ed027fe8 fall from my 92ccf82509 eyes.7a0c7a296bea6469

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Kayan, startled, stepped 27f8f884a4 closer to me.77744a42242fffab

“Princess!”55a7d64e73605e36

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He gently a4dc51aa00 wiped my e2bc176ab2 tears away 4c1f167691 with his 046d6b6649 large hand.f5eacc28b0776456

But the tears wouldn’t 87eefd63e3 stop.3bc79a1a113f35a3

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“What’s wrong?”58462244c77c6c10

Tears even rolled 5e2827965c down his hand.7b22083ec9f2d64b

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But he didn’t care b781a2e59f and kept gently wiping 5c80340e9c them.d204b660a7876aa7

“Why…?”c51d555cd25756df

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I couldn’t possibly 4d961d7ba4 say,“I’m crying because ce0a6c6d35 I feel guilty 7f2c465ac1 for being born.”3ffd173249b4815a

“Ah, something got in cb1696acd0 my eye. My eyes are so a453fa2261 big, things get in 4e57d339cf them all the time.”4e6c9b8bb1711f39

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I brushed it bc381be38b off awkwardly, and 829b7440f1 Kayan gave a 8b5cdf7e94 faint smile.36d80d0a7ba38f21

Then, slowly, he asked:f5806938404bfc14

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“…Is the thought of e632d53e47 our family becoming a 3a34c68336 count house really that 93912605dc horrifying to you, Princess?”ed2ad0ade1922571

He must 74b18616f4 have known 4b8488a8a1 I wouldn’t 1e7aa88c3b answer, so b138bab339 he made d4fc2ee78e a joke 42cd0937df to lighten afc8441b63 the mood.6fa1cd1ce153b3f7

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I sniffled and took cc2a07e1e5 a deep breath.4664dc0cd38eeba5

“No, I won’t think cd35a4c0cc like that anymore.”8f4579d1bcdec967

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What brought me bf171a1188 back was something e5681f891d Kayan had said b96a1be15f in my past 82af4a28c4 life:cb4900e5b74e706b

“Princess, you 417225adc6 don’t need 40ea1e26b4 to feel a38c31bc9f guilty toward 7fe88594ce me.”9732cd1ab3d5d973

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Even though affeaace7e I never ded3eb594c reached out badf76f764 to him,95b157fc6481b77c

Kayan said 3a132e629d he was e312c1ace6 glad I 52c1fa76f5 existed in 0c53ff2315 his childhood 5f61f2cdd2 memories.6f08a08febffb45a

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‘That’s all in the e4f150a170 past now. What matters is how 6ad609b805 I live from here 375913ed44 on out.’8a04d31f1a8010ef

If I 799940820b fall into 2343995199 depression again 9217342808 like I b7238231bb did in 67d73fce55 the past, 8983b5d033 the tragedy ac1c1d40fd will just 81936efe7f repeat itself.9589685dc6eaca82

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‘I’ll make up 5f72053fe7 for the guilt 3d08a145bc by doing better 559780262a from now on.’a810dadc645f858a

I’ll now act 9ea01435f0 on all the cf0f3c60f9 things I only 9c0e5cc564 imagined back then.ce5c21ffe84aad55

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