WBWB | Chapter 51

The Duke suddenly launched into a litany of complaints about the Princess. His words felt like proof that he wasn’t under her spell yet. The fact that this made me happy proved I was undeniably mad. He was walking so fast that I could barely keep up, but then he stopped abruptly.

“I heard you went into the Princess’s room and stayed for a while. What did you two talk about?”

He then looked at me.

“What did the Princess say to you?”

I hesitated for a moment, then confessed the truth.

“Her Highness desperately wishes to marry you. She pleaded with me to dispel any misunderstandings you might have about her, so that you would agree to the marriage.”

“Misunderstandings? Does she mean the misunderstanding about her coming here and treating my mansion and my supplies as her own?”

He asked sharply.

“She meant the misunderstandings about… the rumors that follow her.”

“I don’t know what those rumors are, nor do I care. Now that you’ve mentioned them, it seems the Princess’s efforts were wasted.”

So, the Princess’s assumption that he believed the rumors and was wary of her was a misunderstanding. I stood there silently, at a loss for words.

“So, were you planning to grant the Princess’s request?”

“…”

“Were you planning to dispel those so-called misunderstandings and help the Princess? Tell me. Do you also want me to marry her?”

He asked, “What’s your opinion?”

And at that moment, I felt like I was standing at a crossroads. I could have spoken favorably about the Princess, completed the task, and then asked her to release me from exile.

But I didn’t. Because I was in the grip of madness.

“No.” 

The words tumbled out, surprising even myself.

“I don’t want you to marry her. If you must marry, please choose someone else.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

It was madness disguised as love.

“I don’t know much about the Princess, but I’m certain of one thing. Your Grace, she doesn’t love you. I believe she loves only herself, and that love is so great that there’s no room for anyone else. I understand that for people of your standing, marriage is a transaction. But didn’t you tell me? That in your childhood, no one loved you. I know this is presumptuous of me, but I don’t want you to repeat your father’s mistake. I want you and Lady Ana to be happy. So, if you must marry, please choose someone who loves you, even if it means forgoing political advantages.”

After speaking without taking a breath, I gasped for air.

‘I’ve done it now.’

There was no going back. The words had already been spoken.

“…”

The Duke didn’t respond. He looked… deeply shocked. A cool autumn breeze swept between us.

“You love me?”

He asked incredulously, his hair ruffled by the wind.

“Yes.”

I couldn’t deny it now, so I nodded.

“Since when?”

“For a long time.”

“Were you in love with me even when I proposed that you become my mistress?”

“Yes.”

“Then why?”

His green eyes churned like a stormy sea, and his voice cracked.

“Then why did you refuse my offer?”

“…”

“If you say you love me?”

This was the consequence of my confession. I looked up and sighed deeply.

“I love you, Your Grace, but I also love myself too much to become your mistress.”

These were words I hadn’t wanted to say.

“While tutoring Young Master Mael, Duchess Ventadour’s son, I saw how they, mother and son, were treated. They were objects of ridicule and scorn, targets of resentment.”

“…”

“I love you, but that’s not a reason for me to become a mistress. But even so, I’m speaking out of turn because…”

I hesitated. The next words were truly, incredibly presumptuous of me.

“I want you to have a loving family and be happy, even if it’s not with me. I grew up in such a family, and the memories of being loved have sustained me through every hardship. I wish you and Lady Ana the same happiness.”

But having already opened the floodgates, the words continued to pour out. Confessing everything felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. Ah, how difficult it was to keep secrets. Speaking the truth felt liberating.

“…”

He remained silent for a long time.

After a while, instead of responding directly to my confession, he said, 

“The wind is cold.”

Indeed, what more could he say? I nodded and spoke.

“Shall we go back?”

We returned to the mansion.

“…”

He seemed somewhat lost in thought as we walked.

The Princess returned to the capital two days later.

Early in the morning of her departure, Baroness Etoille came to me again and demanded the star ornament the Princess had given me.

“You fool. A few flattering words could have saved not only you, but your entire family.”

Could it have? But I felt no regret. My heart was more at peace than ever before. Was it because the madness that had consumed me had subsided?

No, it wasn’t. I had completely surrendered to the madness the day I confessed my feelings to the Duke, baring my heart to him. It was a complete and utter surrender. And having knelt before my madness, all resistance became futile, leaving only a sense of peace.

Yes, I loved him, and I wanted him to be happy. What else could I do? Come to think of it, it wasn’t something worth hiding.

‘What’s wrong with loving him and wanting him to be happy?’

Confessing my secret had set me free. I slept soundly, my appetite returned, and I no longer hid in my room like a criminal, afraid of being discovered. I even started taking walks again.

Beautiful autumn was passing. Winter was coming.

* * *

The very moment Jeanne found peace, Baldr’s heart began to race uncontrollably.

As soon as he heard Jeanne’s confession, Baldr felt his mind go blank. The woman before him had just confessed her love. She loved him, but not enough to compromise herself, so she urged him to marry someone who loved him and knew the meaning of love, to find happiness and build a family. She wished him luck.

‘What on earth does that even mean?’

As he walked back to the mansion with her, he had to suppress the urge to repeatedly ask her what she meant.

‘What does she mean, telling me to be happy with someone else when she loves me?’

He was on the verge of madness.

Was it Chrétienne? From the moment the Princess arrived, Baldr had found everything about her displeasing.

Her entourage treated his servants like slaves, as if they were in the royal palace. The royal guards had kicked out the officers from the soldiers’ quarters and were now lounging around, laughing. The food stores, meant to last through the winter, were quickly depleted, and his servants were exhausted.

‘When will she leave?’

And then, the ball.

She had demanded he host a ball, inviting all the nobles in the vicinity, as if she were the mistress of the house. He hadn’t refused, since Jeanne had previously requested a ball as well, but he hadn’t anticipated the Princess’s demands to be endless.

She had insisted on a strict dress code for all the attending nobles, claiming to educate them on the latest court fashions. She wanted the staircases and hallways decorated with extravagant flower arrangements. And she demanded one hundred jeweled fans to be given to the ladies attending the ball, in addition to musicians and cooks.

‘Is she mad?’

Baldr was dumbfounded. Did she think jeweled crafts would magically appear out of thin air, or sprout from the ground? Even the elderly Madame Pauline was on the verge of collapse, trying to keep up with the preparations for the ball.