WBWB | Chapter 50

I couldn’t say anything in response to the Princess’s words.

“Was I too blunt? Or are you perhaps hesitant because you harbor feelings for the Duke? If it’s the latter, it would be better for me to be his wife than some other woman. I’m not the type to be consumed by anger and jealousy after losing my husband to a mistress. Why don’t we share the Duke? And you can share my lovers as well. We’ll be good friends.”

As I listened to her words, I realized.

‘Those rumors are all true.’

The realization left me stunned. The Princess before me was still as beautiful as an angel, but I saw her differently now. She seemed like an empty shell.

‘She’s never loved anyone but herself.’

The rumors about her enjoying the spectacle of men fighting for her affection from her balcony must be true. As were the rumors of her manipulating both sides, fueling their rivalry. Because to her, lovers were no different from clothes or shoes, objects for her amusement.

And the Princess wanted to marry the Duke. What would happen to him if he married her, if he fell into her trap? I could easily picture the future.

‘His heart would be left in ruins.’

The Princess was asking me to lie.

‘But…’

If I told that lie, I would be free. And I wouldn’t have to worry about my family’s livelihood anymore.

“Could you… give me some time to think about it?”

“Of course! Thank you! Thank you, Miss Toulouse! You’re a true hero, saving me from that monster! Perhaps you were exiled here for this very reason, to save me! Here, this is a gift to commemorate our friendship!”

She ran her fingers through her thick hair and removed a hair ornament. It was a star-shaped jewel, which she placed in my hand. Startled, I shook my head.

“I can’t accept this. I…”

“Why not? Take it. What’s wrong with a friend giving a gift to a friend? Have a necklace made with this, or a bracelet, or a brooch. When you return to court, show off your star-shaped jewelry! Then everyone will know you’re my friend, without you having to say a word.”

As I took the jewel from her, I suddenly remembered the star-shaped brooch that had glittered near Baroness Etoille’s chest.

* * *

Back in my room, I turned the star jewel over in my hands, lost in thought.

‘Her Highness overestimates me.’

That the Duke would listen to me, even if he didn’t listen to anyone else… I didn’t know what ridiculous rumors she had heard, but I was no one. He had offered me the position of mistress, but that was months ago. How quickly people’s hearts changed. Besides, hadn’t he told me himself, just yesterday. That his offer was out of pity.

‘Even if I speak well of the Princess… would he even listen?’

But I also felt uneasy. If he heeded my words and lowered his guard against the Princess, would he be able to resist falling in love with her? The Princess was truly, breathtakingly beautiful.

‘Regardless, if I just praise the Princess to him, I might be able to return home.’

I was torn. It was clearly a betrayal of the Duke’s kindness, but the temptation was too great. Moreover, even if I spoke well of the Princess, there was a chance he wouldn’t fall in love with her.

‘But what if he falls in love with her? Because of me?’

Even to me, a woman, the Princess was so captivating up close. How much more so would she appear to a man? The Princess could kill a man with her beauty, and she had, in fact, done so before.

‘What should I do?’

As I wavered, time continued to slip by. While I was relieved not to have encountered the Duke, I also worried about missing the opportunity to be freed from exile, so I began to have trouble sleeping again.

As the sleepless nights continued, I became noticeably thinner in a short period of time, enough to make Lady Ana worry.

‘This is wrong. Wrong to Ana, to him, to everyone.’

…And at the same time, I thought…

‘I want to see my mother. I want to see my sister. I’m so tired. I want to escape. Escape to a place where he isn’t, somewhere I can live without thinking about him anymore.’

…Those thoughts consumed me, pulling me in opposite directions, as if tearing me apart.

‘I love him. I want to escape from him, from this exile. Because this love will never be reciprocated. But I don’t want him to fall in love with the Princess. If only there were someone else, someone kind and gentle, who loved him… Why am I wishing for another woman to love him? Why? Because I’m worried he’ll be lonely? Who am I to worry about him, an exile myself?’

As I struggled with these conflicting thoughts, I secretly hoped that time would simply pass without me making a decision, that I would miss the chance to return to Franc, and the Princess would leave for court again, blaming me for her failure.

One day, as I remained locked in my room except for lessons, tormented by these irreconcilable thoughts unable to make a decision, the opportunity which I hadn’t sought out, found me.

* * *

That night, too, I sat at my desk instead of in bed, clutching my head, staring at the window, which had become like a black mirror. The willow bark tea didn’t help with the headaches, which were getting worse with each passing day.

‘I can’t do it.’

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t.

‘Praise the Princess and tell him the rumors aren’t true? I can’t.’

I didn’t even know how to bring it up, and I doubted I would even have the opportunity to do so.

At that moment, a knock came at my door. At this late hour. If it were the maid, she would have announced herself afterward. But there was no sound. I opened the door, feeling somewhat puzzled.

I had expected Baroness Etoille, coming to urge me to make a decision, but it was surprisingly the Duke standing there.

“…”

“Why are you still awake?”

It wasn’t the kind of question someone would ask after knocking on your door.

“What is it, Your Grace?”

“I came to talk.”

The Duke said.

“It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to come inside, so put on your coat and come out. Let’s take a walk.”

At this late hour? In this cold weather? I looked at him, wondering if he was joking, but his expression was utterly serious. I closed the door, put on my coat, and lit the lamp.

‘What is this about?’

I tried to guess, but I couldn’t come up with anything.

It was a dark night. We walked without a destination. As I stepped outside with the lamp, I glanced back at the mansion. Most of the lights were out, but a few were still on, including the room where the Princess was staying.

‘Is she watching us leave again?’

What did he want to talk about that he had called me out at this late hour? I wasn’t afraid of walking alone with him in the dark. Yes, my heart was pounding, but not because I was afraid of what he might do. Even now, I thought, 

‘Even now, being alone with him makes my heart race.’

‘I’m insane.’

“The Princess doesn’t seem to want to leave. As if this place is coated in honey.”

He began, as if talking to himself.

“They say she’s here to inspect the border, but the Princess and her entourage are always cooped up in the mansion. They claim it’s because they’re worried about her being kidnapped or injured if she patrols the border. Well, if that’s the case, wouldn’t it have been better not to leave the safety of the royal palace in the first place?”

“…”

“I’ve been patient while they deplete my stores, destroy my garden, and kill the animals in my hunting grounds for sport. I’ve even tolerated her hosting a ball and acting like the mistress of the house. All to prove my loyalty. But my patience is wearing thin.”