WBWB | Chapter 41

It’s impossible to remember every word exchanged during our dinners. But I do recall mentioning, one day, how much I missed my grandfather’s library. That I had spent most of my childhood sitting on his lap, and how I sometimes doodled in his books, enjoying his reactions.

‘He could have been angry at a child defacing his books, but my grandfather just laughed. And sometimes, he would even write replies beneath my scribbles. We often used books like letters, exchanging messages back and forth.’

A sigh escaped my lips as memories washed over me.

‘I wouldn’t even need a whole library; just one of those books would be enough.’

After saying that casually, I completely forgot about it.

Then, one day, I encountered the Duke in the library.

I was reshelving the books I had finished and looking for something new to read, when I spotted a book with an interesting title just within reach if I stood on tiptoe. But when I reached for it, I couldn’t quite grasp it. As I struggled, a large hand reached out and retrieved the book for me, covering my fingertips.

I turned and looked at him. I wasn’t surprised to see the Duke here as this was his library. But strangely, the fingers that had brushed against his felt numb. As I rubbed them with my other hand, he glanced at the title of the book I had been trying to reach and handed it to me.

“You borrow quite a number of books and return them diligently. Do you read them all? Or are you taking them for a stroll?”

His words brought a smile to my lips.

“I read them, and I also take them for a walk. If they prove less interesting than I anticipated.”

“I suppose so.”

The Duke nodded, then, as if suddenly remembering something, he said, 

“Wait a moment. I have something for you.”

He disappeared between the bookshelves and returned a moment later, holding an old, worn book. He then handed it to me.

“Here.”

“What is this?”

I assumed he was simply recommending it to me.

“Look at this book. Doesn’t it look familiar?”

At his words, I examined the book. The worn, almost tattered cover looked vaguely familiar. It was a collection of fables.

‘What is this book?’

Then, a sharp memory pierced through my mind. With a sense of disbelief, I opened the first page. And there it was, written in a familiar handwriting.

To my beloved little foal,

It was my grandfather’s handwriting.

Happy ninth birthday.

My grandfather’s words were written on the first page of the old book.

I know this book might seem childish to you, now that you’ve developed a taste for adult literature. But truth is often simple, and wisdom is easily understood.

Read this book many times, savoring it like a delicious meal. Then you’ll realize that these stories are not just children’s fables, but vessels of wisdom for life.

And at the end was his signature.

Frozen in place, his voice reached my ears. I looked up at him.

“Didn’t you tell me that your grandfather’s library was auctioned off? After hearing that, I assumed some of the books might have ended up here. My father would have surely bid on them if such a large collection went up for auction. So, I looked for books you might have read, ones with doodles in them. And I found this. Your grandfather wrote not only on the first page but also throughout the book, next to the fables.”

My mouth opened, but somehow, I couldn’t speak, my breath caught in my throat. I felt as if someone was clutching my heart, and in that moment of shock, he looked… different. I didn’t know how he looked different, but my heart hammered in my chest like a fish out of water.

The Duke opened his mouth, 

“I’ll give you this book.”

“…To me?”

My heart was pounding so loudly. Trying to hide the sound, I clutched the book to my chest and barely managed to ask,

“You’re… giving this book to me?”

“Yes.”

He nodded.

“Didn’t you say you wanted your grandfather’s books?”

When I remained speechless, he frowned and tilted his head.

“Why? Don’t you want it?”

Of course I wanted it. But the reason I couldn’t immediately express my gratitude was… it was too strange. It was strange that he had remembered my casual remark and searched this vast library for a book that he couldn’t even be sure existed.

This library held an enormous collection of books. Just browsing through them would take a considerable amount of time. And even then, there was no guarantee he would find it. Yet, he had done it, based solely on my words. Without even telling me.

The realization made my heart pound even harder. I could feel the pulse throbbing in my temples. I couldn’t control my expression.

‘Why?’

Why on earth? I couldn’t understand. This man before me…

Before arriving in this territory, all I had heard about him were bloodthirsty rumors. That he was a man who preferred blood to water, war to peace, that he was cruel and merciless, and that he wouldn’t even kneel before the King.

But what about the man standing before me now? The man I had come to know?

‘Why is he so kind to me?’

He was so different from the rumors. So different from my first impression. And just looking at him now made my heart race.

He looked completely different from when I had first met him. He wasn’t frightening at all, and his features, which had once seemed harsh, now appeared… handsome. And his eyes… I couldn’t meet his gaze and had to look away.

It was the first time I had found a man’s eyes beautiful. The realization brought a flush to my cheeks, and my hands, holding the book, trembled. I quickly hid the book behind my back, wanting to conceal my trembling hands.

‘What is happening to me?’

“Don’t you like the gift?”

He asked again. I shook my head vehemently.

“I like it, very much… I like it. Thank you. Thank you. I was just… momentarily overwhelmed.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

As I finally expressed my gratitude, his eyes crinkled at the corners, and my heart seemed to melt along with them. I looked up at him, and a wave of nausea washed over me, threatening to make me vomit. I grabbed a few nearby books and practically stumbled out of the library.

‘What’s wrong with me?’

There was probably no deeper meaning behind his actions. He must have remembered my words while looking for a book to read and, feeling bored, stumbled upon my grandfather’s book. What other reason could there be?

Even as I rationalized his actions, my heart continued to race.

Looking back, he had always been kind to me. I just hadn’t realized it. I remembered the horse he had given me, the basket of apples, and the bear hide. Had any other employer ever shown me such consideration and kindness? 

No. I had never dined so frequently with an employer either.

‘Even so, what am I supposed to do with this?’

I walked down the hallway, shaking my head. 

What was I supposed to do with the fact that my employer was kind to me? 

I reminded myself of my situation. He was someone I couldn’t have aspired to even at the height of my family’s prosperous days. The Duke of Skadi… his wife should be at least of equal standing, from another ducal family, or royalty.

‘Pull yourself together, Jeanne.’

I sighed and tightened the reins on my emotions, determined not to let myself be swayed by him, or anyone else.

But a heart, once stirred, doesn’t easily settle. 

As I lay in bed, trying to calm my racing heart and read the book my grandfather had given me, the words wouldn’t register, and his face kept appearing before me like a mirage.

‘Uh…?’

Thump, thump, thump.

And my heart beat erratically.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t faced temptation at court. 

Casual relationships were rampant in courtly society.