WBWB | Chapter 24

“Unseemly? I don’t understand. Get some rest.”

And with that, he stood up and left the room.

The brief conversation had exhausted me. As soon as the Duke left, I collapsed back onto the sofa and fell asleep.

It wasn’t until the next day that I could finally have a proper meal and a bath. It had been a while. Even the simple act of soaking in the hot water was tiring. I thought I had built up some stamina, but just a few days in bed had weakened me again.

Three people visited me that day. The first was Lady Ana.

“Teacher!”

Lady Ana burst into the room, tears welling in her large eyes, and rushed towards me as soon as she saw me sitting up in bed, reading.

“It’s all my fault! I almost got you killed.”

Lady Ana hugged me and sobbed. 

I stroked her hair, repeatedly reassuring her that it wasn’t her fault, that it was an accident, and that I was responsible. I cupped her face in my hands, wiped away her tears with my thumbs, and examined her closely, checking for any injuries. 

Lady Ana also seemed to be checking me for any signs of illness. After confirming that we were both alright, we hugged each other tightly once more.

‘Thank goodness.’

If anything had happened to Lady Ana, I would never have been able to forget her green eyes, , looking at me from the icy water, as if asking, “Are you going to abandon me?”

Lady Ana stayed for a long time that day, chattering away, sitting on a chair next to my bed. 

“Teacher, can I come again tomorrow?”

“Of course, Ana.”

“Then I’ll come at this time tomorrow!”

Lady Ana’s visit was a great comfort, as I had been eager to see her with my own eyes and confirm her well-being.

The second visitor was the physician. He asked about my condition and advised me to drink plenty of boiled water and get sufficient rest. I nodded.

And before dinner, the third visitor appeared. Madame Pauline, her keys jingling.

“How are you feeling, Miss Jeanne?”

“Thanks to your care, I’m feeling much better. Thank you so much.”

“You’ve lost so much weight. It’s only natural as you haven’t eaten anything.”

Madame Pauline came to the bedside, took my hands in hers, and commented on how bony they were, saying she would pay special attention to the nutrition of my meals from now on.

“I’m already eating well enough, Madame Pauline.”

“But this room isn’t warm. There’s a draft, and the fireplace isn’t very effective. It seems the chimney hasn’t been cleaned properly either. Would you like me to move you to another room?”

‘Hmm?’

I was puzzled. Hadn’t Madame Pauline assigned me this room in the first place? And too much time had passed to change rooms now.

I declined her offer. Although it had seemed small at first, I had grown comfortable as I stayed here, and moving my belongings that accumulated over time would be a hassle.

“Madame Pauline, I’m quite comfortable here.”

“No, you shouldn’t stay in such a cold room when you’re not feeling well. There’s a vacant room on the same floor as mine, similar in size to this one. It’s sunny, has a large window, a much bigger fireplace, and all the furniture is new.”

“No, thank you. I’ve already grown attached to this room.”

“You can grow attached to a new room. You’ll be staying here for a while, won’t you?”

“I’m not feeling well enough to adjust to a new environment right now.”

Madame Pauline seemed genuinely disappointed at my words. I took the opportunity to ask something I had been wondering about.

“When should I resume Lady Ana’s lessons?”

I was about to say that I needed at least two more days of rest, as I was still not well enough to receive visitors while sitting up in bed.

“Oh my, haven’t you heard?”

Madame Pauline asked in return.

“His Grace has already granted you a two-week leave.”

A leave? For two weeks? 

I was astonished.

“No, that’s not necessary! I don’t need that much rest, Madame Pauline. I think I can resume lessons in three days.”

“You wouldn’t know, being so young, but once your health is compromised, it’s hard to recover fully. His Grace has given you a leave, so please take it and rest properly.”

Madame Pauline finally stood up to leave.

“Then, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me.”

Even after she left, I remained stunned for a long time.

‘Two weeks?’

If I weren’t an exile and lived closer to home, it would have been enough time to visit my family. What was I supposed to do for such a long time without lessons?

After her first visit, Lady Ana came every day after breakfast and chatted until just before lunch.

Since I heard her nanny had been dismissed, she must have been bored while they searched for a replacement. Though I wondered if she had even spent time with Lady Ana even when she was her nanny.

‘Let’s have lessons then.’

Lady Ana didn’t dislike lessons either. We spent the mornings reading various books and embroidering together, even if it wasn’t in the study.

But even then, I had time to spare. A blizzard raged outside again, making it impossible to go for walks. After three days, sitting by the fireplace, staring at the flames and drinking kettles of boiled water felt like torture.

‘I think I’ll be sick if I drink any more.’

Whenever I stayed in my room, the maid would come and constantly offer me tea and rich food. It seemed to be Madame Pauline’s orders, but I could only refuse so many times. Eating all that rich food when I wasn’t particularly active was making me feel unwell.

‘Then how about riding Brulee? I’m feeling a bit better now.’

But the next day, when I went to see Brulee, I was turned away from the stable.

“His Grace has ordered us not to let you have the horse. And once you come here, he said to tell you, ‘Rest means lying in bed, not riding a horse.'”

That was the stablehand’s explanation.

‘Does he really need to go this far…?’

Was he such a control freak that he couldn’t help but dictate the actions of every single servant and soldier on his estate? In any case, with riding Brulee out of the question, I had only one thing left to do. 

Read books.

‘He won’t forbid this too, will he?’

I had occasionally brought books back to my room to read, but now, even going back and forth between the library and my room felt like a chore, so I started living in the library.

The library held enough books to keep someone occupied for several lifetimes, and there were comfortable sofas scattered around for reading. I spent my time there from after lunch until just before dinner the next day. And I read.

Strangely, sitting in the library, surrounded by books, I found myself envying Duke Skadi, the owner of this library. Envying the man who could spend his time here whenever he pleased and add any book he desired to this collection.

‘Envy? Isn’t that an emotion you feel towards someone on a similar level?’

I hadn’t felt a twinge of envy when I saw the royal library, but here I was, envying the Duke. The human heart is truly unfathomable.

‘Why do I feel this way? Even though I know I could never have a library like this, no matter how hard I try.’

How could someone in my position ever hope to own such a library? Even if I died and came back to life, the thought shouldn’t even cross my mind.

When I was young, I had believed I could have a library like this someday. Back then, I thought I could be anything I wanted. No, I could be anything I wanted. Because books had made it seem possible.

Books contained worlds I had yet to experience and stories of people different from me, and I loved exploring them so much. With a world of adventure within reach, why would I want anything else? I was a child who loved spending entire days in the library. But how had I ended up like this?

My adventures ended when my grandfather passed away, and our family’s fortunes declined, forcing us to sell our books. The child I was back then couldn’t have imagined what I would become.

‘How could I have known that my future self would become an exile in Skadi?’

How would my younger self feel if she knew? 

Disappointed, most likely. 

Even now, with thousands of books before me, a shadow lingered in a corner of my heart. I didn’t know if it was because these books weren’t mine or because I had become an adult, burdened by the weight of reality, unable to lose myself in books like before.

…That’s when it happened. 

Something like a bear’s paw landed heavily on my shoulder.

“Gah!”

Startled, I jumped and tumbled forward while reading the book. I thought my heart had stopped.

Or had it?