WBWB | Chapter 12

I can do this. 

I reassured myself and went out to the training grounds.

As I appeared, the soldiers who had already been running in the distance—a far greater number than I had anticipated—noticed me and began murmuring to each other in surprise.

“Silence! Who’s chattering!”

Soon enough, startled by the Duke’s loud command who was running from the front, they fell silent. But the very person responsible for this situation, His Grace the Duke, passed by me without so much as a glance.

At that moment, I realized.

‘I really have to run.’

This wasn’t a test to see if I would actually show up; I really had to run.

The training grounds were… vast. 

It was only natural, considering it had to accommodate several hundreds of personal soldiers, but I couldn’t believe I had to suddenly run three laps around it. But I had to run. It was almost breakfast time.

‘But how do I run? Is there a special technique?’

As soon as I started running, I realized I hadn’t run since I was a child, galloping around like a foal. My breath caught in my throat, and I tasted blood in my mouth. This happened before I had even completed a quarter of a lap in the training grounds. I gasped and ran, sweat pouring from my body, unable to catch my breath.

The group of soldiers quickly overtook me. And I lost count of how many times they passed by me. It was because I could barely control my own body. I stopped several times, dragging my legs. Even so, I ran again as soon as I regained a little strength. By the time I finished three laps, the sky felt like it was spinning, and I felt faint. It was a miracle I didn’t collapse.

‘Do I have to do this again tomorrow?’

As I trudged back to the mansion, I couldn’t believe it.

‘Is he really… insane?’

Covered in dust kicked up by the soldiers’ leather boots ahead of me and drenched in sweat, I had no choice but to bathe. So, after the Duke’s return to the mansion, my daily routine every morning became running, bathing, and then teaching.

For the first few days, I had no appetite, not only in the morning but also at lunch. After I finished my lessons by squeezing out all my remaining strength, I would collapse onto the bed, feeling ill.

‘Why on earth is he doing this to me?’

Like someone in love, I thought about him every night. But it wasn’t romantic love. It was because the Duke’s actions were so far beyond my comprehension that I couldn’t stop analyzing his eccentricities.

‘Why?’

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t understand his way of thinking.

‘Why is he doing this? Does he have some unknown grudge against my family?’

For several weeks, I suffered from colds, unable to adapt to the cold morning air.

But humans are adaptable creatures. 

After those few weeks, breathing became easier while running. My body, which had felt like it would break apart every time I woke up in the morning, started feeling lighter at some point, and the number of times the soldiers overtook me gradually decreased. And finally, one day, I managed to run all three laps at the same pace as the soldiers.

‘Yes!’

I screamed inwardly. 

The Duke, who had given the order, probably didn’t care, but I was genuinely happy at that moment. Happy about my progress.

When I finally came to my senses, I realized it was already the middle of autumn.

When I arrived in Skadi at the end of spring, I thought I would die. Or suffer so much that death would be preferable. But what about reality?

I was adapting to this life better than expected. Fortunately, amidst my misfortune, I had found a decent job in a land where I knew no one. 

My employer was a difficult man to understand, but aside from the brief encounters every morning because of his strange running requirement, I rarely had the chance to interact with him. 

My student, with whom I spent every day face-to-face, was intelligent and lovely, learning ten things for every one I taught.

The rest of my life was… tolerable. 

I altered all but one of the dresses Madame Pauline gave me, a beautiful evening gown too precious to alter. Removing the lace and embellishments made them suitable for everyday wear.

When I appeared in my new clothes, Lady Ana was ecstatic, saying I looked like a princess. I bought everyday clothes and shoes, and a chest of drawers to store my necessities and some spending money.

The allowance I received for maintaining my appearance changed a lot of things. Being able to give a small coin to the maid who cleaned my room as thanks made her work harder, bringing my bathwater every morning, collecting and returning my laundry promptly, and tidying my bed while I was teaching.

So, sometimes, I would forget. 

Forget that I was an exile, living as a tutor in the Duke’s household. It was just that I was far from home and unable to exchange letters.

But sometimes, I couldn’t help but feel the pain that tore at my soul. Usually, it happens when I lay down in bed, trying to fall asleep.

‘How long can I do this?’

Anxiety and fear seized my heart.

‘I can’t be a tutor forever. Lady Ana will grow up, and this life will eventually come to an end. Or I might be dismissed before that. At any moment. If I displease His Grace.’

My employer was someone I couldn’t understand. He had entrusted his child to me and paid me a generous salary, but he might dismiss me if someone better came along. After all, anyone would prefer to entrust their child to someone with a clean record rather than a criminal.

I vividly remembered the expression on his face as he looked at me with a disapproving look. And the strong first impression I had made on him. What would happen to me if the Duke realized that Lady Ana’s progress wasn’t because of me but her own efforts?

‘What awaits me after this tutoring job ends?’

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

‘What will become of me?’

I had no future. 

Did I have a bright future back in Franc? 

No, not really. I had been fortunate enough to find two jobs in a row, but there were many other well-educated and knowledgeable but unfortunate daughters of bankrupt noble families like me, and the noblewomen who employed them preferred younger tutors who were easier to deal with.

What gave me the strength to endure each day?

It was my loved ones, my family. 

Receiving occasional long letters from my worried mother and witty, amusing letters from my sister brought me great joy while working. I didn’t spend money on snacks or clothes, but I spared no expense on sending and receiving letters.

On days when the work was overwhelming and I felt physically and mentally exhausted, tears would unknowingly stream down my face, and I would count the days until I could return home. The two-week holiday given to tutors in the last month of the year. The thought that I had a place to return to, that I could leave at any time, ironically, kept me going.

I saved money frugally and harbored a secret hope. Perhaps, even if I couldn’t, I could at least arrange a marriage for my sister… 

I saved money for the possibility that my sister might find someone she loved. Although I told no one, my savings were for her dowry.

For nobles with much to protect, marriage might be about preserving wealth and title. But I didn’t think so. What was the point of all that without love? Especially when you had to spend your entire life with someone. 

Although my mother suffered from our bankruptcy and my father’s death, she loved him until the end. Should the journey be tarnished just because the ending was painful? I didn’t think so.

There was love in our family. 

My sister and I were fortunate enough to grow up surrounded by our family’s affection. Unlike most noble children who were raised by nannies and tutors, our grandfather was our tutor, and our mother baked pies for us. 

I still remembered my father lifting me high in the air, his hands under my armpits. And how he would play with me endlessly whenever I wanted.

That’s why, even after my father’s death and my mother’s illness, our family wasn’t fundamentally broken. Even though we seemed irrevocably ruined on the outside, because there was love.

But I had lost that family when I was exiled. 

We would never see each other again.