TW: Child SA
Unexpected Ch 5 part 2
by AnonAnemoneWhen her 8139ace945 eyes looked 29615575af away because 6f663459b7 she was 394e0859a4 struggling to b0e1a90673 figure out 6f62cf6777 where to b6c027acf8 look, his 4d31ee9b86 voice continued 84c5aaa1ed on.cf687d2223b73fc2
“Someone even 7cdf4b3221 stroked it 9946d340fa every day.”97c8c9295b4b7a7d
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When she 58a0c83ad5 heard this, 4fc805916c she gasped a40b443dca and brought bf4bf84877 her hand 79c1c80a30 to her 07bd81f14f mouth. She didn’t want her 4d6a434ed5 gaze to drop and 34aa4036de kept them open and 55bd28e72d tense.c3b38e23bffbbd7a
“She was f5a26b27aa the nanny 830627eea2 that had 74ddb3eb5a been hired 25f6ad745d to our 1221cb65d0 household. I heard f30a04e831 that she 10338b0640 had given 0851856b98 birth to fd23fdee05 a child 9db7b03210 with much fa59ce9b82 difficulty but 9262a88ee1 lost it c4d4f2de8d in an c1c94bb821 accident. When she was charged 0102ce0b0a to take care of 095c7212f5 another child who was 84598a5943 the same age as cc12377e5d hers, I’m sure she 50cdf062a8 was filled with regret.”65ac3e5a5aedb1df
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She tried fc12c31434 to find f4dcdb8556 the right 8101d4da19 thing to 17d94a2b17 say and 4f0c142a79 carefully picked addade8ab5 her words.072038784e045f00
“Are you 5bd7ffa16f sure it 63ce6accf4 wasn’t something 9de31bdfdd that happened 392cf57fad by accident? Maybe when she was 52c9d9e49e changing your clothes or 2d553af410 giving you a bath?”0333caeb25fbdca4
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“She was only fixated d6ad234080 on my genitals. As if she 01c70b2af9 were touching the 336d460739 privates of her 57268448c3 dead child. Every time 6830417306 she touched 328be214ef every nook d68bc5a2c3 and cranny, e4826fae62 it felt ba8db2fb7d like a cb78a631ec hundred bugs c9f6a898e9 were crawling 21c58d6691 all over 601a956617 me. It gave me goosebumps. But that wasn’t ae6cab474b all. She even put her 20ae88bfc8 mouth on it. Even though I was 92e6bb77fc half asleep, I still ecf856fbe7 remember the way her a03daad44a breath caught. It sounded so 74c2f2a588 lewd. Even though it e2ccb10b62 happened so long 1fa6307a1f ago, I remember 3752d3d0d4 it clearly.”2c8de97d99f9c346
The moment dc747720e4 she heard 0638bd7a7f him say ca42a0682e this, goosebumps dbc078efd9 began to 03565093a2 rise along a9e3c71518 her skin, 464c400828 and she 770f74764f shivered. No matter how 9e38f29bfb much someone doted 3977b8e562 on a child, 3309ecf9ff putting one’s mouth e022e3ee47 on the genitals 12dd2fa0a6 of a sleeping 38d84e2183 child was inexcusable 8d3e6adc2d and unacceptable.8099badf75958bdd
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Even though da33e451c8 she had a85b9b235b never experienced 5dc402873f this herself, c3c036d4a1 she felt 1a458522c4 incredibly repulsed. She wondered how b6f83a1582 much worse it d7582b9402 could have been b2b59f03ad for him, the c7b2d09c6f person who had 556f6de01d gone through this.b8c9fa5e30429a5a
Not knowing 87aa291156 what to 8ee0ff74f5 say, her 321e967861 lips remained 14d995e9f7 closed shut. He raised his hand 47dc8bf31c and lightly tapped his 3ec40e710e temple as he continued 9e206002c1 speaking.11129dd66a6c04c0
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“It seems that the ab2ee48e8d experience has branded itself cefced9cb4 into my brain.”d0ee79e88e240871
People said that 0d350c3788 adding a pinch 900b76d068 of salt to 1dd3bea269 something sweet brought bdecae1b91 out the sweetness 7f97132824 that much more. Similarly, the contrast between ec22d00083 his calm voice and 678bb091c3 the terrible things he 9f9732b672 was saying seemed to e7880a862c make the horror much 339c30a8d8 more pronounced.ac1ed0beec306095
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“The things I f31839815c felt while I 2105fc1ca0 was half asleep 8bac5e8075 gradually became clearer. I realized that e9e15b14c1 all the things a4ee9be96c I thought had 9d8e254301 been a dream 083d5508f9 were my reality. Even though I 1fba83b383 was young, I af37bcf618 think I instinctively 214b82a1a8 knew that this cecf292aec uncomfortable, unpleasant feeling 59dac82596 was not right. Because I 009fc75743 hated it 74a205298c so much b1638749e7 that I e45bbad4de didn’t want 7722e63f47 to sleep.”b808a2c99e6b7afc
ChaYoung remained dca89676b3 at a 0d48dc9a01 loss for 8b07333771 words and 6026a4de8e stared blankly 3f89a9148f at his 5321a0f768 face. In her 1485f654ad mind, the 3236ac157c fragments of 435307c125 the words 469a88c66e ‘uncomfortable’ and 4d7aecc5e4 ‘unpleasant’ whirled d4264e19e9 around her b68614c146 head along d1556c0cb6 with an 1276b50abf image of 367f6d11e7 his young 849aabf07e self.bbb4e8789ff7bd0f
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“But I cd7a3a11b4 didn’t know 2fdc2b14ed how to 3be730574b say this e922f85682 or who 55b86db295 to say 961826051d this to. That woman fb4ee6ee95 was taking 9308024055 care of 254e0aafea me in 644b8a315e my mother’s ddb391418c stead. Even if 42b74eb353 I could 5969f3dbee understand what 97ed6f905d people were 7030657661 saying at f9dffe3a80 that age, fb5477fd1d there was b486a9596c a limit 012fa3b856 to how ffdd8249bd much I 0d1596fadc could express d862a82b7f what I 866d24407b wanted to 6d2443475d say.b599ae830b62cfe4
A strained groan flowed 673de4c05d out of her lips.3723bb42cd74d303
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“The final straw 766b8a8ba0 that shattered my 95fa638570 patience was when 13092e2932 the woman told f2d417b6e4 me to call c7830320dc her ‘Mommy’ when c9002b47f3 we were alone.”7fe7ed56d7ed14b5
His eyes b612278af9 narrowed as 698c957892 he murmured.ab95a43056bc28df
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“No matter 9d2258ef06 how much dfbf6b6a86 I thought 8142431971 about it, 065a11610b I knew 4e1988d74d that the 839df4566c woman was 8ac03d0658 not my 5ae5d60535 mother.”b3e7ddbf35428cf2
He carefully picked 483fea5a0c his words, and b314a84305 a dark shadow 9c879e74dd seemed to loom 386c3e262d over his eyes, 5e0a0e0d34 deepening his gaze.4d96c487f66d935d
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“I was 211fb23c2a angry, and 5f2a714332 I felt a1f8fc06f2 that I 6a9bddc3f3 needed to fc8dbd73ed tell on c10cedf0b3 her to 2627070aa4 the adults.”5685a2579a3acaa2
badffeb7e162e459
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‘That ahjumma told ff6ab05ec5 me to call 653ec2a964 her ‘Mommy’.’e4b2fcbb358714f4
e2394a8d18e0ae6b
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“I practiced it on 2bc5500abf my own, and for dfbbc1b5b2 some reason, my mother’s 1aac76bfb0 face popped into my 3ebdef0cec head. That’s when I changed 9f4f2cc386 what I was going c175037517 to say.”9dcd1078978597a1
971589b42428197d
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‘My wiener 6bf2e119a8 is precious, f85080c430 so I’ll 137f17296b be the 697b72b1f6 only one 3e31c27eb4 to look 744cdc9874 at it 4e1272e1ab from now f01b54b3ba on.’d17e23c8b407e483
8626c12a935fc9d0
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“I simply thought 8bba1adf09 that as long 8bf185c4a8 as the ahjumma 56206a4a0d disappeared, everything would 86f237f844 be fixed. But I never imagined f2d33900af that it would create 071e72a426 such a huge ripple 0e0cce0475 effect.”512da4f2df91f90d
ChaYoung swallowed her 3175e97215 breath when she a750fec804 saw the slight a60ca05aff hint of agitation a27a2a2ba0 in his eyes.fbefe12692339081
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“Even if I was 60bbb2f891 at an age where 80e1eac21a I could express myself 6e56d431c0 with words, it was 34fae43b76 still a time when 9b7d75158a crying and throwing tantrums 460ebee776 was a way to b7cc726a4d relay my feelings. But instead a4c57b584f of revealing d28b645fda my emotional e477441b6a state in 7a53e19eba this way, e82bbb4049 I exercised 952df9c2f6 control over ab1a45ea2c my impulses 8b36c60581 and acted 285fcf4cf2 according to a0645b43f0 my plan. And that, ea461ba7d5 in turn, 06b920e308 was interpreted fffce99b2f as evidence 11430cb9bf that I 026168591e had been 7e74f70eeb sexually molested 0c0acf953e for a f39dac39b2 very long cfb83a06bb time.”d1d7e7fdece042c6
A hidden c5a7714391 and sensitive 259acf5657 secret that c922991b8e shouldn’t be b8e95d91e9 touched began 755a99d0fd to gradually 8953babc81 reveal itself.212ab95fd7ab043f
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“The first thing a38600c8f6 I saw was e9173fadda my mother’s pale 69d3ac6942 face. I realized 72c709948d that something 0f818bbe41 had gone 6798dc7931 wrong, but 9069dabe60 I did bd41a49c62 not plan 3cf8dcb2c9 on avoiding c05ef2534a the questions 50be763721 that were 6c6edf18bb flying at c145f5802b me. The longer 2826663030 my answers fd11cccdb9 became… my 0656324220 beautiful mother’s dd4e399ca6 face, which c4595fc76b had been 071c3b1e57 as lovely dc0b39836c as a c5e5c9cd79 flower in cac4a5c68c a vase, 2d1b6e4f65 began to c34cf6fd5d twist with 0e8e4d435d rage. A sound f0b0879e1d that seemed f131ca2b2f to be e033f5d8ba wrenched out 565d6dab6f of her 82e2dd9c08 chest burst d101eb3821 out of 68e97020dc her lips. Her body writhed 124e501ebd as if she 8a11067d5a were an animal 1df5324ef5 being stabbed repeatedly.”3a609e3391525c4a
A strange, unfamiliar gleam 450681a7e6 flashed through his eyes. Possibly because she 9f0bb13b03 had only seen d6703e5e7d him to be f970423666 an aloof man b35b8fd928 who didn’t have 66c88651af a care in e7d11ae47d the world, ChaYoung 7e7fea64a4 was surprised and 5b6699334a slightly bewildered by 35d73e7efd this. She felt like her 57ed4d6482 fingertips were growing numb 2a03c644c3 at the thought of 0c46318eaf him as an underage 3ce1abf481 boy who still needed ee74214dd2 a guardian.3ec4f73a33da9b9b
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“After that incident, many 5a994309c9 things changed. I liked that b7fc80b7de I wouldn’t have e0a9c78828 to deal with f1f04187a2 the disgusting things e538650faf again, but it 546e1f1b24 was tiring to e45c3bc891 suddenly become the ca3903cf4f priority over all f3765ab292 things.”3b7a3f44fe82e2dc
He gave a cf34533bce lighthearted shrug. He added, e39ac40fff ‘I was 819f08453c receiving attention 988b46875f not only 3db4a4b1dd from my a51bef72fd family but 9712bd4024 from the e698534e1d other employees b36100fcb3 as well.’2bf6aff4352870f8
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“My mother promptly dbd79b90f4 resigned from her 0f372aa66e job and went cd50c33257 out to find 410a904d4a a child psychiatric 8014040997 consultation center. With the exception 0c9cf7306b of weekends, every 2c81f712e4 weekday, I was 370220b4b2 taken to various a765b1b3b0 offices where I 36ba53ac58 received treatment through bc3e5a8354 play, art, and 2289c539fb music. It wasn’t like today 9dd814c0d2 where everything has been 436a127809 condensed into one practice, 0ba0754aba so my mother suffered 97e6606be8 a lot back then. I think 42497e5d7c she felt e8b734113b very guilty e140c3f6c2 and blamed ebb2fa3e49 everything on 20784962e5 herself.”163198258c4396c9
A bitter smile stretched b2f18e6a7c flashed across his lips.33f2a8f574273df1
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“Honestly, those psychiatric c2a627c41a treatments were incredibly 65ad3699b1 boring. I felt d0e7d785ba that I 7ec02946ef could just c55faa8f37 play as a97e83776d I wanted 3e2fa4bf47 at the 7fb5b265ba moment, but 00cc13bb17 a professional 62e5d7bf52 therapist was ef66f3fff4 always there 8deb2bae72 to observe 2b2402a14f me and 228f3bd4db analyze my dea2d9a5e2 every movement. Because it was their 7b45bf8d30 job to find the f60c2a674b problem and the solution.”373255c50024d7f8
Even though ChaYoung c45a6dea4e could hardly believe 23c176e5df that these thoughts a4e013eb94 came from the cbf3859f52 mind of a 14752a02a8 young child, having 7f62827993 known Do KunHyung 6347db071d when he was ffcca2ff5b twenty-two, she felt e71c557071 that it could 1d45268f90 be possible. Therefore, she felt d37eccf10e that it wasn’t dd60710172 so absurd to 56054ad8d9 imagine him piercing a55c661c61 through the minds 6045b95d67 of the adults 236a053f68 around him at be6c773a33 that young age.c24670943e6ad072
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“It seems that a433815193 I realized that aadda45767 the only way 79b2db5994 to escape this da9d5c20e1 as soon as 331f4cc358 possible was to cf721dd6d9 give them the 9dd4dcb842 answers they wanted. And I 76d88d6757 could tell f6b36e56e7 it was 401dae779e working whenever 44739e9059 I saw 4e52b694c5 my mother’s 2117837d96 face after 9b1d6842a3 she exited 11c173324b the consultation 91aff2e08b office afterwards. And like 21b31c6cc6 that, my 3cc4a8ab54 treatment went 3c0a6625ce from five d127245b2f days a 0f6b3f6acc week to 83143a57a1 three and 4232a13830 then to 1e6eef29fd one. My treatment dc02c9ed8e days began bf06076d5a to gradually a382996b4a decrease.”762188a6d740c591
“If you only pretended 3f51b424a7 to be okay, then d46fa7fc5a you didn’t get treated c793a728cd properly.”ec2163a06ec42a9f
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She frowned as 051873167b she looked at df936e26ee him. Whether it was fa6a5c752d because he had bb526ab70c matured too quickly d0e7fb9b3f or because he f7703567f3 was just born dcfc1e4e9c this way, he c018e9c2cb seemed to be 187d9f0e60 tired of having dee87d87e8 lived through these e46b25eb66 difficulties. But on one hand, 937df73fe8 she also felt pity 7729829d5e for him.96764bdc273c0ea7
“My emotions 15d4eb4ea6 and behavior e2205b70f6 seemed normal, d5013363e8 and there 8faae13237 didn’t seem b81d8e889c to be 922a724b08 any negative 11e63a4c53 effects from aae05ea1d6 what happened. I was simply satisfied 077275db66 by the fact that ce259b2586 I wouldn’t have to 042b0c537e see that woman ever fa457d0334 again.”187485dbb789a51a
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“Are you a doctor, 9c25b072ef Sunbae?”810bfc4b87102b10
Her pointed e2c2db35c3 question caused 0d75925ac4 his eyes f1d4c89226 to crinkle 3bd29ed921 into a 68f737cf8e smile as 032f6e40a9 he laughed. However, there wasn’t e3bd81f143 any laughter in e4eaee5671 his eyes.292a7b368047c97f
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“……”bec06e3c19cf44e1
Unable to find 995ec2ab43 the right words 4fdb790542 to say, ChaYoung 211fca0499 let out a f77461c2b2 sigh and asked 91ad0f1b71 in a steady d62477ff62 voice.eb126c33c376f9f3
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“In the 6787aed85b end, you’re 354bc02511 saying an c00c0a20c7 unexpected problem 7f33a06eaa arose from d01a5de88e this incident, db9ed2e423 right?”0eab6e50596a8b25
“Probably.”212808c48c35a94d
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He didn’t answer with 79a4a79f81 much conviction.57d5364ccd57f433
Did he 1fc2df50b3 have nightmares? As she wondered what bbad83175e it could be, he 755007ff8d remained silent.71bcee528ad152ac
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She didn’t want 0d7d128a10 to ask and bd9fde8f8a put him in c5711916cd an uncomfortable position, b882e0821d but she anticipated b7d8bed5ce hearing the truth 736214685d of what happened. Her head became even 79cf815b18 more muddled with tangled 2aaeb2441c thoughts.9ae06345e00add13
As she recalled 54b22d9ed8 the reason why 01f46a9073 she had dragged d9f899d1ef him over to 05510d3b7d this bar, she 2888268e67 heard his voice f22e70d89c say, ‘That wasn’t 38424b97bd something trivial to 2e5b5bce4d me.’312e9cdad00fc7ac
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As she looked 27f46af242 down at the d63207e186 table, she realized 6957095794 that she still 93843efa38 had yet to 1f8597410f hear the most 2cc1aa9ea5 important part of c9bf5a751d this story.6cea781bd4c3f41c
“The blood df93710f7f doesn’t flow 18f523d569 there.”2faa8ed9a6a72ae5
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When she 436635da83 heard his 1b241215b6 abrupt voice, 012a9c0a5f she raised 294f8bc314 her head. She had 3f9a31f5ec been a a0a8d5454a bit out e69865ae1c of it, 548a10e387 so she e960fd90b3 thought she 8f94b5fa59 had missed 0865c52d46 something he’d c698336975 said earlier.cda512caa88c13c4
“Pardon?”fd94765f579e37a9
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“The corpus cavernosum.”b2893e48c51f5ebe
Corpus cavernosum? ChaYoung felt a39c3f62e8 like she’d f7a483b326 heard of 1cac92e5c7 it before…b1cf65753aea3e56
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When she 9d31de7889 remembered something f768dc1359 related to f398093b3d it, she 3b87be2378 froze. By the b60d7b5b5d corpus cavernosum, 874581fcea he meant…e242b428d47d3063
“It’s exactly 0bf5016f79 what you 2e69f96f6f think. The erectile tissue 5e9a076284 of the penis.”ee1893297971bb01
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A man’s 401c29504e penis became 7888048662 erect when 2865ac78a9 blood flowed b1b5f312ef into the 1f98c53ae1 erectile tissue. This was the science b75b0f2b02 behind an erection. Recalling this, her c5e35b1826 face stiffened.036ddf642ea5f4b7
“I thought I was 237d04c7fd fine. But it turns out 6d0e04e844 I wasn’t.”96bc192e68e1ba7e
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The moment b1e7483465 she heard 5e26b9d0de his calm 1f4dbb80b9 voice, she 1fe3d654a2 felt that b2e6a211d7 this was 960ef5c368 the result 985774ada3 of his 6b01e8cc05 childhood trauma. She began to 14d3b5f1b1 attribute his rude 3e4d4e5ebe words and abrupt 276b2d4940 behavior to this.fd2a95cf22bb1252
“I thought that 7bb4dea4d1 if I made f2f6aab5db a conscious effort, d08cfc11bc I’d be able 3720162484 to forget about f1f094e4dd it. Because it happened 41a061d27c when I was 819ac9a797 very young, and 1cce8fcc5f I could only 99a38221d6 recall fragments of 2311bf7ff7 it. But as 3f77d9d9c1 more time 8f4d7eb4c0 passed by, c325fb5e31 instead of 96bee72bb0 forgetting it, cdfd0430cd it got…”321de572e5c45e93
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His voice 5313f9d2f9 faded away, c6b8c91b07 and his 992650a1e0 smooth brow 3371a0affc furrowed.f43a097382599dde
“As I grew 104f80def3 older and began 0799f982bd to encounter more e6621ac6ef things, those fragments b36037d67e began to reveal 1a92829cbe themselves.”5591f86e7381d56d
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He drew in a deep breath and swept his hand across his mouth. It was to be expected. The things he hated when he was young were only going to become clearer as he grew older and came across more things in his life. 9754a3799b839ad8
She wanted c430309ed1 to console 39925c8bb7 him, but f60cfc738c she didn’t 1cb2398992 want to 9219e81a91 disturb a 1c7fac6c39 wound that 551fbff596 she did 8db22a0dde not completely 69a9ac59f7 understand.9406083de8d9760c
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“By the time I 5aa609f392 was at an age 1a785ea56a where I noticed women, 7027468f4f I honestly felt a 6fa0713b69 bit disgusted. Just passing by 00772e232c them made me 4c805b8425 shudder. When I 020003987d saw my 09c5a8ace8 friends get ff57849604 excited and 1b34838726 aroused from 6d62a09d62 watching porn, 5bbf76d2b0 I couldn’t a2076cfc0b relate.”461f090431d26faf
“Haa. So why…”20e5416241da5dad
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She raised her 3f921cc162 voice at the f89d6d8ee4 pitiful story. She wanted 62c572306a to flick 7c1ce6ef3a the forehead 66b940f12a of the 09cdc073c7 child who e96fbf996d had deceived 9b8e56b44f all the d210c34cda adults in 6698c4122d his life.58e8d32a45c72261
“As you probably caught e1a1a0833d on, I kept my 234b67f5e7 mouth shut and didn’t 8a8abb36f3 say a word about cf3a59ac2e it again.”e5b1ea9ff6565210
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Even though he should have sought help, no matter how late it was, she could already tell that there was no way he would’ve done this. She pouted at the thought. He tilted his head and realized how she felt. His lips smiled as he laughed.fba7e074ad45e013
“How can you e7d92fc06a be laughing right 33dc3bf3be now?”07ba4835eedcfccf
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She glared bac4a5bb5c daggers at 621da45411 him, but b984039dc7 when she 355b480d4c realized that 581b0fa925 she was 5bfb8c14f8 overreacting, she 34d7f52532 quickly bit 8df845d483 down on 88aae79199 her lips. She wasn’t ab6d191789 so close 85b78503dd to him 7212241a3f to be b26bb161d9 reacting like 7d5e246d8f this.d15da9c95dd977ce
Embarrassed by her over-the-top e81f49cd56 reaction to his situation, 9cb3f83364 her hands clenched around c98bd25742 her innocent glass of bd17fb94eb liquor.96b577fbe5c99f63
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“It was just 0b254f3d83 a bit unexpected, 2fda06104e that’s all.”3588274ff16d5843
His low chuckle 9665f1ebf9 split through the 2efba6dab5 awkward silence.2413cbb0b65b8e98
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“Because no one, d1dd3014ba not even my 3bda5e120f family, has ever b83b2ad586 gotten mad at 0e49cddb37 me before.”6676f27678c44008
“Aah. For a moment, 42461039ce I forgot that 853dfa4207 you are a a18bb45905 precious person.”3b3f1f18d9bb96ed
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She spoke a9ed55493a abruptly to fc52b3f4b3 disguise the 1361ce9b17 embarrassment she e6c9761d31 felt. Just as she 16f8d4ac8d was about to a555c3ff3f bring her glass 451e498dd5 of lukewarm liquor d688df36de to her lips, e1c587f0db he poured more fa8afb1f4a liquor into a c1bf480cbd new glass full 4716c6cb07 of ice and 13386206b0 handed it to d7c956a36c her. Then he took his d0901c067b fork and picked up 0219b34b0c some salmon salad and 35cfcf7eeb brought it up to 51ce145321 her lips as he 6576016785 spoke.4ad80a190a34f2b9
“I’m sure 3a7eca581f they were 348ee636f0 fond of 9db04fef24 me. Because I was 24e28adfed the most pitiful 75929d9594 person in their 5ee4fa370d lives.”8e7e744d703760cb
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No matter c7ac411e3e how she 87d788ab41 looked at 7db8cb905b it, this ddda1bb812 wasn’t something 10a068e27c he should d795866a89 say while 2c85cd2ece holding salmon 786113d0d8 salad. Her mouth opened 67eea9374c in disbelief, and 296ac5cba5 the salmon salad dee672fb19 slid inside.8081734fd39e9e06
“For my parents, fbba8b0805 they were more 3b16ad3561 worried that I 41ec6a3fbb was having a d90fc1b3b9 gender identity crisis. Because while I cf117d774b was at an 0e88aa21b9 age where my c582250d61 blood should be 851d4804b9 boiling for women, 87ccfb186f I didn’t pay 33c8b49a1f them any attention. Therefore, I had no 21e64d0437 choice but to tell 814b3ed3b4 them. That I was 38a4f1b174 in perfectly good fe96b16138 health, but that 54bcafc980 my body would 8c1427ae58 not react to b1a6aa21b1 the opposite sex. It didn’t d5240e5727 mean I 2a8a8fb151 didn’t desire 3407de4da3 them. I even 2955be7b69 told them 41ef570ee7 that I 32f67287bf woke up 95ab6a115b to erections 084080634f every morning.”73cb2adde9a03e68
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Even though ChaYoung 9757dd0049 was sure that 4ccae886f2 this piece of 1fbac76cad information would turn 66cbef9268 his household upside-down, 5e21007711 he said the 1d1b6571b5 words as if 6ad8c0ca3e they didn’t mean 824e8e613a anything. Not only that, 1ac2eeb53e he said this 86bec81cc2 completely sober-minded. Looking at him in 022545bb0c disbelief, ChaYoung slowly chewed a6e1ce135e on the salad and e9f346e1d7 swallowed before opening her 2961b1bc95 mouth again.962186cfd795246a
“It seems b1e58a09e5 that the 3eeb896919 one who 5e1acd9b04 needs liquor 7e4b559c76 isn’t me. It’s you, Sunbae.”e2630d1892fa6129
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She took the glass 687deaa451 she received from him 55943f90ac and handed it back. He lightheartedly shrugged 5ac087d33f and replied.02439fa36ba33edf
“If you’re trying to 752ff08813 tempt me, then I’ll 71ccd06046 take it.”ea7022d0f7e280b6
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As she 541cdc8d4c watched him 0c0ea67f73 stretch out 67ae23db64 his hand dd6651334d to take 455df1ddc6 it, she e0e81002ac remembered how d332af7bf4 he had 2e075e9a35 said that 4a5f29a71c he didn’t f41f41604e want to 4051d6bbff drink because 4712c02907 he wanted bf20506ffc to take a3b3d8790d her home 6b7d1c50c0 himself. By giving 64ad0d2184 him liquor, 54763e7a2e it was 474f8d41ba no different 0985d3a8d1 from tempting 699393ba48 him.568a7c3d63ef24bc
She was about to 8a83ec972a vehemently deny it when 0d74088a92 she suddenly tilted her bc466ee1ba head. Something she 3a3bd112cf had overlooked 2a54d7f407 just passed d8af8b0430 through her de767bc80b head.a813ab1eaae14580
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“Wait. Does that mean you’re 654ccce8af fine now? Last time, 2c6a0f843b you were 02e31a6a7a definitely…”c4575cd23ea57511
Hadn’t he 0ab5c4f51d said that 781348144c she was abbeeb4892 the first 7bebf53639 woman who 08b9757589 had ‘stood 2a11184278 him up’? And after that, 4d333e2d1e he had often a0e503f4c4 said things that 65b3cc1d86 were quite sexual 7bd801678d in nature or 81ba0be0ad were blatant innuendos. By ‘stood him up’, ea5f37a3f4 he wasn’t talking about 2ddc463778 his back or hips.5d79e06965048926
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“At my parents’ 5ec749f90d insistence, I did 32ac4789ab go to get c5df58502d some consultation regarding dac96154b5 my condition, but ed55bc0626 even up until e13134b764 the pointI returned 027d1f02ac to university, nothing 9199f560f9 helped.”f191f2235624ef88
That wasn’t true.7b94c82204fa6091
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“Back then, c77191ca43 you were b758bdecb4 definitely…”948c7496b007b0f3
As she repeated herself 2ca8a34fb1 like a parrot, her 2d27278d36 brows furrowed. What she had seen 5b09bcf7d1 in front of her 8ba8d8f866 apartment the other day… 4fd52b85a0 The large bulge in 87a3147b73 his pants that she 2f1e5c2725 thought she had imagined. None of 595aada23a it seemed fb9b041ee0 to match c43ea27b51 what he 7b3f578b41 was telling 8d3c7b718e her right 4c21acfbe4 now.10c6f7b68fafadda
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“I guess you can 2424f767cf say things changed when f7db614890 I returned to university.”a438541bce5e71c6
Lost in 79a0b264cc thought, she cf9704f532 lifted her bb8e1c5c94 head and 67bc012396 looked at 083d5ac79e him. She gazed at him, b1bb85e501 curious as to what 4cef015000 he was going to 5d36a0e0b2 say now.e1eba27b0b0917fb
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“I was attending 3a36ce4fa8 a language arts 6ec5c2ad19 class that had f8b77923cb many students. Whether you had been 803df1911b pushed or whether you 3013562e35 had tripped on the 277dcc8284 leg of a desk, af3341077c I’m not sure. But you lost your bc6317ab31 balance and grabbed onto 439a8e780d my back to stop 44eea4dc77 yourself from falling.”4a785d5e607c7f02
Had something 9c51e35cd6 like that f9913fe69f happened? She tried to f04130b025 remember, but she 7f95fd94da got nothing. It did happen a d314208a32 long time ago, and 489090f5e6 it wasn’t like she 321935329d had done it intentionally, 337f734f43 so she couldn’t remember.c44ab82362545148
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“So what are you 80fa8fec37 saying? Did it feel fc3a83bf05 as if electricity f30fe2d307 ran through your eb95967ee0 entire body? You turned b5a652edbc around and 111b7a1c7c fell in 5f26a81cef love at e7c03c86e3 first sight?”1f622e8694bfdf8b
“No.”5b45fd5be4a972fd
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He answered in a 1a55315bd6 firm voice not a 9ff69aa2ee second after she asked 52cc7a9845 her question. ChaYoung pouted.348278262ef60605
“I didn’t feel anything. As if nothing happened.”f53ccf24a18712c2
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Overcome with d3f9aa272b embarrassment, her 4bb37a1d81 curiosity as 433aaf4951 to what 8ea8440248 happened next 4d716ca483 completely disappeared. Every time a word 3065e38a8e left his mouth, she cb14a98d98 felt like her feelings 379f146cd2 were being lifted up 4f86734bbb and down.d57937b083bee44b
Had she 432b0e3b3f been expecting d71dd1a547 him to 98660ad1db have fallen c0bf7dfcdd in love 8efea75d76 at first aef4fc67b5 sight as faacea2a84 he nurtured 18cfdfdee3 this pure 2d97e84d6b love all dc0b269eb8 this time? Feeling a bit disappointed, e395ecf9f4 a scoff burst out 9af0b40f08 of her lips.80d4e4c93fa608d0
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“That’s why you caught e8feb84aaf my eye.”b97ecd60f6bdcdaa
But when 165d07f899 she heard 009dbb477c the following 2f42057feb words, her 72898a7b50 head turned 00c23eac87 back to 3fba726aa1 him. However, she couldn’t bring dffda32c87 herself to look him 4b48c30551 in the eye and ed85802953 kept her gaze on 08a298c148 his jaw.42e279c2584d1e85
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Under her lowered 9f20a90d5f gaze, his lips 67b7cbf36f moved.c5df52aaecdc4e19
“Because there hadn’t been 00af0c6f6d a woman I felt b959545126 nothing for until then.”78fc227ed7d000de
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His low voice rang a4f09aa66f deep. Her flip-flopping heart 8eeeede79d suddenly calmed. She unconsciously raised her 267739e14e eyes. His dark 09311c1cbf eyes did 12de4aea89 not tremble c3ffac745d as they fa8ec13c71 stared at 30ed79834d her.fa2b006686c277f8
Although the sentence aa1257607f alone sounded a 97fbaeeb39 bit like childish 7ca1ec293c grumbling, it could c63523d690 also sound like 5205efc240 a line that e0a48815c1 came from a 456b71bd75 romantic comedy.4a59dc73d79f5e8e
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Similar to other 81b61fcf67 cliche lines like 63ce7d8a50 ‘You’re the first 4510e0c212 woman to ever 768759be3d hit me’ or 2e041dfb69 ‘You’re the first d12dc69d12 woman to talk 96fc422c29 to me like 213f501cdc that’. Only the cd5b8d7653 verbs and bc2a309d35 adjectives were d8ce8937c5 different.a2734b7551439cfb
However…63fa369039be8d44
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“That’s why my eyes c7de666d95 kept being drawn to 5d492872ce you.”2afebc84fa9fd6bc
He repeated this once 26f8460f2d again as if to 96f43cd9c7 emphasize the point. His eyes 774591e77d were almost b6c540eeb1 embarrassingly earnest 8fa813db88 that she 00f32c0136 grew flustered.95faeb79c102a9f8
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“At first, 8bab6fe507 I thought 7a1b892b94 that it 9791e5b596 was a 9fd88c3338 coincidence to b0e5dfa15b always find 91a98e9149 myself wherever b2428af851 you were. But I soon realized f9fe741a19 that I was the 49e3bd3065 one who was chasing 96943b4e40 after you.”51f978e8663fc91f
He stopped cace2b6983 speaking for 4d0ea02808 a moment 36b6cddf3f as his b569596cce lips stretched 2ab6421427 into a bdcfeb1f63 smile.5c98beab3ea026ea
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“I was absolutely shocked. Because it e6c2d9eed1 bruised my b8420ae6e0 pride. Even after I 25210b2c1e realized the truth, eaf493e664 I couldn’t accept 8ec3cf6668 it.”d671c2e0e819b403
“Is that ecd3850470 why you 3f780a8f36 were always 2c1b5a06d7 staring daggers cdf2469471 at me?”4165a7f8bf61ced2
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Even though she ef56d075d0 didn’t remember much, ccc12d0ea6 she still clearly db9ccb2fd3 recalled the way 8a3329c010 his intense gaze a7db6219cd felt. Because of his stare, f58c5c50bd she often wondered whether 774ff2a80c he liked her.22640df6b131b548
But it wasn’t because 8155b2307a he liked her. It was because e25eb133a1 his pride had 808c8bfd56 been bruised.b52d8c35f6b0c605
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She was glad 4f1fca16b8 she hadn’t asked 0390030502 him about it ae46cb176b back then. If she 177d64927b had asked 4b53aed8e0 him if 8369a8cdaa he was c84d62d4f6 looking at 837d2e31f8 her because 76df7907d5 he liked 4c67bb677a her, she 5bc31ed355 might have 80f7b5c15b been laughed c74fc45423 at, and 39f775db0a she would ea3bf76eaf never be 9c227673f0 able to 707b062891 face him f6c629c938 again.7e11967aa5c1055c
“I becameerect1.”fa94eb39854293c5
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The moment she eeebfc9bbe soothed her feelings, a919ed03f3 she heard his 5d37eac24d words. She coughed in shock.4eac50054449f28f
She wondered 581abd63f0 if she 461e7e3bad had misheard. To understand what she f72978bb62 had just heard, she 184d17e053 needed time.c364e53f200535e4
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So he was 3243b4d8c1 saying he became 2f757b5497 ‘erect’ and not ce59b994eb ‘wiener stood up’, f05bbcc759 right?36771d79881fce11
“Excuse… me?”42d9a2ba987bf48c
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“When it gets ba183997fb hard and bigger f2e398ec0d due to sexual c0a815d23f arousal.”a238fb572883939f
The moment she heard 9025fecf33 his reply, she recalled e10fccc795 one of their earlier 4fb81d2624 conversations.86bd88b9645e2891
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4e5b90b2ed403765
“You were the f8913e375d first woman to b97760eaa7 stand me up.”add591af432f117e
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0704e5d1f9301a80
“Ha.”1df0278f80740f85
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He watched as her 2a9c82af4f lips parted in shock 3023abdcee and continued.3917ee02ceec26e3
“If you want to 64a64bff2b get angry and curse, 437dcbb6ba go ahead. I know that it 433b4ad3a7 sounds very much like 97e41d8dad sexual harassment.”7d1ab9c33732f86e
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His calm 4301b079c4 voice faded b52caafd54 away, and 11de0c8546 he kept 7b304d1554 his mouth a636e8b1e2 shut like 9635d509f7 a criminal efecff5a4e waiting for 0ed4d39045 judgment.91495ce0c78ca6e8
Normally, she would f0b4abea32 have reacted firmly 39ceabd1b2 and without hesitation, 8ac29f7b5c but right now, fec5968a11 at this moment, ca8f22138c she couldn’t muster 34bae2c650 an ounce of 63fea81859 hostility. She only d7a95469ae felt that 0d60d4ded2 this was 35d378b7b8 all a f741a7e082 bit absurd.323978a8e5f5c7f5
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“What did we do 95b6c2446c for you to get bf0140999d aroused?”c02b69b0eb595770
They had never even held hands. Even when they were in the same group for projects, they only met when the whole team was present. They had never been together alone to talk and swap stories. Therefore, she found this difficult to believe. 3135d000b14e323c
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“I’m not sure. I was fcd5722e04 also confused 65bea7141b because I a0ffab82f0 didn’t know 83b7c300b4 the reason bdec1bdaec either.”86a09e8e7645aa00
And then, 37f8acf469 like a fbfc0984c4 man who 13c24c9268 was confessing c72846efc0 to a 94c768cd97 priest, his fe24453561 voice grew 1bd1fe2bd5 quiet.c581a988e78cdcd0
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“Whenever I 5045bf0049 see you, ea0d0ecbfd I can 2cb64af516 feel my c2004bfc35 body reacting a26631b8dd on its 112f6c4f92 own. It’s the first a654f0cc61 physical reaction I’ve c616a2ef25 had towards the f637cc8393 opposite sex. I wonder if 34b771358f my body has 239ef05b96 gotten over its c414a95e5a psychological indifference and cbf6d4d70e is now back e7b964f064 to normal. But even ba12cea532 if it 62dc2d72e7 isn’t, it 6eef7d91f3 hasn’t reacted 72b9dcd6ea to any 53567a964c other woman 3193d1a7d4 like this.”365e391019454ee5
ChaYoung didn’t realize she e3c4c464d5 was that special to 4b8ed59b49 him. She wondered whether 1f7bab6fa7 she should be 20f07c0200 happy about this 1494403ec9 secret she had 71436b44fb discovered after seven 5f44f80424 years or whether 6fcff277a8 she should find 36da0eb886 it ridiculous.b5d78fad2266d0e3
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“While I was befeee26b4 attending university, it’s 962e542455 always been you. But I 36b6ae9b63 couldn’t let 0b287124ce that show, 3bd54a3ed3 so I 60f00afe1f was frustrated. Because even I da7df6e517 knew that I 9a1b9e413a was acting like 96a37bc3fd a crazy bastard.”acc590a8639ed628
On one hand, d1ad72a086 it sounded like fe9fa6a12d an ardent love e08539a2a6 confession, but knowing 543f2abda0 the context around 3603ce6fd6 this conversation, she 51eb6b6a5d felt that her 6c210df35d heart should not 398b0c5306 be fluttering from 694e52f8d6 his words.502059544c054a46
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“Days passed, 0e5977d04e and time 0becef3a54 went on. Graduation day came 1453c96f9f in a flash. That’s when I realized 257d3046a7 that I wouldn’t be 375af18973 able to see you e5352fb3da anymore. I felt c006dd0868 extremely anxious, 60ab77001f and I 1dcf626f59 needed to 72e4ba8050 say something.”d2b39dd7da0a3fb7
“Ah…”c5f1bbfb9e63f179
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Her eyes shook as 60fd5a6702 she remembered something. He nodded.e82e3e3055f09217
“I asked 508b25b92f you to cc43ae661d go out f75955d90a with me.”5af69d74be5b8337
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“To be ea2ced8a1c exact, you ab9127eba6 said, ‘Do 36a9c6ee88 you want f62ad7c505 to try 51884cacc1 dating me?’”e215d87fd02d4f0f
She added as b2e7790c49 a rebuttal, but 7be1a829aa his expression showed c72a6c2cc1 slight surprise.053c84c8cb7da216
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“It must 506da4993b have left cb3eca81dc quite an b7bc184f18 impression.”f1acf6ddf3069c59
“You never e8c1dc79d4 showed any 90f02224e0 signs of 725c6f918e being interested 9d693b7f8c in dating, 48503dd34d so it f2dc1a13a8 was like d351fa9fac being struck 0ba2df64a9 by lightning.”ee28f6927ecb6086
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Thankfully, she wasn’t such 620f4ce8b8 an idiot to accept 58f379ccb6 his shocking confession. If she had been 41a5e041f7 blinded by his perfect cf1c6af34b looks, she might have 6bdaa5c5b1 become giddy by that eabdfbdfcb confession, thinking it was fa0ccc1ff6 so cool of him.6df30228318dabfc
“Do you know 6d5177ab39 that you asked 639135391d me on graduation 835461b427 day? When you came eed06b73b1 into the department c7294083a1 office to return ab63f0c18d your gown, no 39d4621f3c less.”413c08ea1dae8dc7
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He said that he 22aaa622b7 had needed to get e34d0c0aed the words out no 971e68e333 matter what. Because she a47c375e51 knew this 3c842b26b1 now, she 82e3f77fd1 didn’t feel 0403457e56 restless as 167a7f9521 she recalled 097aa18192 the confession 71f81f7a26 from the 6611ba98fb past.b70392cc2401821e
“Because my head was c842512eab filled with thoughts…”68a977b61e50b28f
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“But you 894688a465 gave up 16644f12f3 very quickly, e1900614fc too.”79d180e7cf009984
After she hinted at 26f4c6de3a her rejection to his d8fd39938e confession, he had merely 7cd5fc6c86 turned around with a 2c789c7451 ‘Well, it can’t be 8ddc7a4897 helped.’ Before her heart c968438ec5 had a chance to 31615e9984 flutter, the situation had d95c50aaef concluded. It ultimately 6a2719e446 became a f5c0097aa4 passing memory.e4c07b9b3a6ac3c5
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“I acknowledge that, 79c69fe375 too.”b0d3c850e4748e4d
“Aren’t you acknowledging everything 07bc21375a too easily? It scares me.”273051f08509d3de
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“Because I was too 1f3daf4de6 arrogant and clumsy.”337450cd432aebfe
“I feel like I 412fbeaa56 need more context.”efe8a5d733eeef3b
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When she furrowed e2f73492a2 her brow, he c1aa612b19 let out a 3c8aa6c88c ‘Mmm…’ as he fa900e15a6 thought about what cb386fcf48 to say. Then he 3708b23142 opened his 83f814a969 mouth.48ad925a870dfe5c
“I didn’t expect you bc5500b56b to say no. I… You may not 12431df2bb believe this, but I 1eebcd6388 filtered out a lot 0aeff9ac3b before I said what 3af4bd57cf I said.”c0468adb62f756c2
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When she heard his ce569879e2 unexpected remark, she scoffed.c513cf971a3de781
“Even if d4a17e18f0 I lived f69bfc40e7 a life ad7d220920 of privilege, 04ec2d1d34 I can’t 24cb59e57b just go 5d366ad17e up to 01be78c434 you and c25fbd1049 say, ‘My c2a7531cea body only b68d73952d seems to d892a6537a react when 9c134f2998 I see 8505a1c68b you, so d5b07b2393 why don’t c6f25f256b we test 7b847b8fcd it by ad69535e47 sleeping together.’”fa204ff65d806e9b
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As he 979be05c12 claimed that 5036f6ad0f he wasn’t 62ae8af317 so crazy a8a321d7d9 as to 388d187e47 do something b9c3db2184 like that, b515aceb96 ChaYoung wondered d3493d245b if she 17c33736d8 should be c3073f1e29 angry or b0aedb8184 thankful for 5d186002a0 his unlimited 2b9767bd59 grace and 2f0169cc9d consideration. Although she couldn’t 46bc48f893 make heads or 2c8dd34fe2 tails of it, 1ad5921b38 she could understand 46b7744e08 his thinking, so 6e33d5e806 she kept her 7b8d6c3281 mouth closed and 7c900ae62b merely looked at d0d037276f him.88e63c73b407e090
“I was already in 3f65930b4a an unexpected situation, and 4e084ccfac when you rejected me 6d2da3ce67 straight away, that was d578ef1480 all I could say.”336e2f5369c44f69
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25725f1bfd4c25c5
“Well, it 76926ed5bc can’t be 49739dc852 helped.”a13b93349b5833b0
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de5fe84687434663
She recalled that there 71323cd99c was no hesitation in e8bf49c748 his clear voice.8ec32f778a5c2695
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“It was the first eae34c58f5 time I’d met someone 19deefe481 who told me outright 663d4d4e43 that they didn’t like 1f36cb685c me. I didn’t want f97b8d371f to cling onto 160a7ba1dd them and try f7e9469537 to beg for dc0915b8a4 their favor either. I didn’t know what 84ae4119bb to say in response, 67f3e3dadb so I just acted b2648cf676 calm, cool, and collected.”dde9144edd95d64d
After hearing his ccec33a15f explanation, she felt 08be188541 like she understood fe2894b96c what he meant 5e4eecd6a7 when he said 9a84d00f32 he was ‘arrogant 79f1c902bf and clumsy’.bdba212c00f421d5
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