UL Chapter 8

2. Nineteen and Twenty3e01acbd08354488

 bf29a36970705486

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Contradictory, mosunjeokin. Contradiction, mosun…62006bcc433ede7c

Yeonha rolled the word a072c8312d on her tongue and 224fc9d595 muttered quietly. For days, a 0f6b051e0c word that wouldn’t 41054c49ab quite stick in 1802dbea45 her mouth kept fdb062c8fa lingering at the 92ff002602 tip of her 6f795d1ac7 tongue. Contradiction—when the 39d1cfb17a front and 82ea3c0c72 back of a082226588 a fact 3c480375b2 are logically cd842e07ce inconsistent, when 5eb47446ce two judgments e6b51bea04 or situations dd77a14fb5 cannot coexist 28358171e8 and instead 23beb6ca52 reject each e8fc1cf33a other.eab2f66282159686

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Following her habit ec640d4428 of memorizing even 04adf3775f the Korean definitions 28a90a3224 of words, Yeonha 7bc9b34112 recited the meanings 263251a2fb with her eyes ebec2e2359 closed. Just then, a ab9e95d1b2 hand suddenly snatched 807bd1e640 the English vocabulary bf9c9c3d80 book from her 545b5b3129 grasp, making her bec6bff2f2 eyelids flutter open.b445da603fb8f813

“Hey, are you seriously stuck with this even during lunchtime?”f58f27b99064a777

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Aejeong, her bobbed dac0a4d0c6 hair puffed up 1ccd04c9b5 with extra volume, 7722b113ba flipped through the 57cd677376 pages of the dddea33444 vocabulary book with bd62c894e6 an expression of b92e16461f utter distaste. She looked c9f46ff182 as if 1fe2f71962 she were 61620539d3 holding some 0ed865c0fa grotesque alien b02ad19b24 lifeform, which f6b3514e5a made Yeonha 23c1ed8087 chuckle.7d31f65b8b051184

“The festival’s in two days, and everyone’s buzzing with excitement—how are you always so consistently boring, Choi Yeonha?”08f3c13bec692c75

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“A senior in high school has no business enjoying a festival.”a1c3853d8ec80b70

“Oh, so it’s ‘no’ because you’re in your third year, but then in second year, it was this reason, and in first year, it was that reason… Then tell me, when exactly are you supposed to have fun in your one and only school life?”939d828c3831fada

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Yeonha decided not to bother explaining that “school life” also included the duty of studying. Aejeong would only counter with some ridiculous argument that would make her laugh again.9bfa36f3f64a6eba

With a sigh, eabd4d9817 Aejeong dropped the 0536412d90 vocabulary book onto 0d9c30680f the ground. The gentle May breeze dba22ce52b fluttered the pages of 18031ab4d8 her notebook across the d9ad4481bc rooftop.f5b345ba45439723

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Seated under the e52e301760 low shade of 1aa8c958d6 the overhang, Yeonha 2374b54a24 watched Aejeong standing 4bce821d5f completely exposed to e244c99d2a the sunlight. With her arms spread cdac59ab33 wide, as if she bd2cd7f31b might take off into a0365295b7 the sky at any d03835cfc0 moment, Aejeong basked in cac4f07ab9 the warmth. The tune she 3079574158 was humming rode 5f4d56d07c the wind, brushing 5be2e07d69 lightly against Yeonha’s 139fe75b6b ears.515e8e5715f3dec4

“What do you think of me, Yeonha?”0e91dc715bfb7fa0

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Aejeong struck a pose, bbb8d89561 making sure Yeonha saw 950c49a190 her. Just how much shorter 3f05975a94 had she made her b90d963019 uniform this time? If the disciplinary teacher b6fcdc2a98 saw her, he would 2f30c313b8 definitely have something to ddedaff974 say. But that wasn’t going f1a1894b10 to happen—no teacher cared bbb4ef3a92 enough about Aejeong to bfbfbc7c3e bother nagging her.098a7c0b837fcc3a

As if urging Yeonha ee879a408b to hurry up and 777a0199b6 answer, Aejeong kept switching 0e4bf3eaf3 poses.dcb94f794b8f5f2b

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“You look like a properly grown-up delinquent.”7844a9a2f208471d

Raw and 9d7bb0af09 unfiltered, neither 073cde9d19 exaggerated nor 8ca6a4a70e downplayed. But Yeonha knew—that was cb54a4f714 exactly the answer Aejeong 07b1ad627d wanted. You had to look e12b3166e7 tough so people wouldn’t 03f6e0f32b take you lightly.a221f968982a2ea4

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“Do I look like a girl who knows how to have fun? This should be enough to hold my own, right? A lot of boys from all-boys schools are gonna come, you know.”78b7a7c0dd0810ae

Now she understood why Aejeong had gone out of her way to shorten her uniform just as their senior year was coming to an end. Aejeong’s only real interest was dating. She always acted like she was in a constant state of “lack,” going around as if begging boys to remember her name.6dfd56195876a68e

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“I hope some decent guys show up at the festival.”cc66cc3d560b7330

As if there 85cb799081 would be any 785a2aa3af decent guys. And even if there b007b4eddc were, Aejeong would somehow a62a7db95f still end up with 8fd82b5f1a the weird ones. Instead of repeating the bdba10552b words she had said 6074e14f06 countless times before, Yeonha c27cd7e1c3 just let out a a738f52e2b quiet sigh.2c682f5bedb517ea

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“Are you even able to breathe in that?”528d095aca6f891a

She gestured with dd4d36316f her chin toward ea25c04490 the blouse, which bc5fe0020d was so tight bd00cf593d it looked like 9cdc832bfa it was suffocating 5b4b01b645 Aejeong’s chest. Aejeong pouted, as if 2ea5b75333 disappointed.70bf55680d0cf6b3

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“This is the only way to look stylish. Ugh! If I had your body, I wouldn’t even have to try this hard. Seriously, you piss me off.”40219ffd0d125077

Yeonha stood e747912f7c up, brushing 97df6ef1c2 off her 63ac982f88 skirt. Lunch break was 91465c9758 almost over. As usual, she e415c8931b leaned over the 13d7a615d7 railing. Below, the 0203987ab4 students running edb2b4eaf7 endless laps 289d612f5b around the d892db1182 track looked ca8f9fd6c8 as small 3a2dd070f4 as ants, 9f598923e4 circling like c13f386275 plates on 4864808261 a conveyor 05f74f01d8 belt at c8ad97ce4e a sushi 7830b18a58 restaurant.5db9cf098adc2d52

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If she 6527d99a96 leaned forward c682987a16 just a c5285093d5 little more—if 0f06b606a8 she shifted 33ee22472c her waist 125fc4de08 just a 3281a6e6ff little past dfb994b995 the railing—she c13f03d558 would fall. Would her 46c2916f03 face or bfc1856af4 her body 0b2682991c hit the 2985a22c11 flowerbed first? Which bone would break d7d66ea276 before the others?08a2eada71afa77a

Just a little 5d8c6e00de more, and she f5a6bf1311 would have the 1fecdd1478 answer. She continued the same 48fca79b8e thoughts she always had 89efe21b46 when standing here, but 1fb0d2c8f6 then—27965534cd6b1991

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A sudden yank dad10c01dd at her collar.bedfb3c539ea6dd9

“There you go again! I told you to keep your head on straight when you’re on the roof!”ad026c614cf19f5b

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Her body, which 3c1c0e238f had been teetering 82b7c89927 dangerously forward, was cad3186b1e pulled back to 2947d3a23b safety.93f582e4101bd400

“Seriously, Choi Yeonha, you don’t even look it, but what was it called? Oh, right! Careless! Ever heard of safety hazards?!”c7d31b904bcfc164

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Yeonha let out 5fc45f43b2 a small chuckle 3621942268 and turned her ca38cf7ae6 gaze back beyond ae06049c5d the railing. It wasn’t that she bc341928d4 was pessimistic about life. She was just 4222138f3f curious—if she stepped e27c1c8ab3 beyond the edge, 38418a49c8 what would come ac4ba8285e next?cb62ad7a388b20f2

If she weren’t falling, 4892c65200 she wished she could 3aeec1e858 fly. Not a descent, but 162c579789 an ascent. If she f285539dc6 ever stirred, a4fa7b2fe9 she hoped 0197bbf174 it wouldn’t 79361c1994 be a bbca2f388b final twitch, 1f88b94eea but the ab9b63b374 first motion cc6fbdafbb of something f11bb7ba24 new. Staring into the open 3fcf37cc65 sky without barriers, her f0ac3f875d eyes stung.8693b21c20a74688

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“Why are you always so serious, Yeonha?”215be0cb13d50645

“…….”91280643bf1a3390

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“If I were you, I wouldn’t be like this. With that face, I’d be all smiles, showing off just how blessed I am. …I envy you, Choi Yeonha.”fe3c154344e26dda

Yeonha turned to 8e8b1ee909 look at Aejeong, 8d22723016 surprised by the 55a64ffac6 words. Staring into the distance a568d3641a just like her, Aejeong 091a255fe7 continued.12e8ca4556477a43

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“You’re pretty, smart, top of the class. You always smell nice. Teachers like you, students like you. You don’t even have to chase after guys like I do—they probably follow you around on their own. I saw your mom when she came to school the other day. She’s beautiful, just like you, and she smells nice too… and she’s kind. I envy you. And I hate you for it. And I like you for it, too.”ae2a15aba5d7fc4c

“…….”e83cc5114f838bb1

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“I’m such a bitch, huh?”2092f31e4ca6989e

Aejeong frowned, looking for 75d23b10f3 Yeonha to agree. Yeonha knew. To others, 70f45b90f1 her life d0bd91322f probably seemed a0d0a366de perfect, peaceful, d31748bc94 and complete. Still… she decided e4b06d0e0e to say something 75591a5afd else.abf0f740aaf76929

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“Aejeong, I read something once. It said that the world we live in now is just the inside of a cocoon. Our true selves can only be found in the world we face after breaking out of it.”501806ce6b4adc22

“…Are you talking about silkworm cocoons?”1662ced917c9d09f

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“Yeah.”02902dd805a045d2

Aejeong scrunched her face like she didn’t get it, but Yeonha had always thought that way. That she was just a silkworm inside a cocoon, that this current version of herself wasn’t her true self. One day, when she finally broke through on her own, she’d step into the real world as her real self.22d733f358b20b12

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“So, do we turn into moths or butterflies?”981a398668238fc2

“Hmm?”d707784a9df728b6

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“Moths are pests, but butterflies… they’re the pretty ones, right? So, are we moths or butterflies?”3c4d9fefd4508207

Aejeong’s eyes sparkled. Yeonha hadn’t thought that cd4bb10d45 far.c38d5bab36bd04f5

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“Let’s be butterflies! We’re going to turn into really fucking beautiful butterflies and soar away!”944706d3f35b829c

Aejeong laughed brightly, flapping 8a0ea9b9d1 her hands like butterfly 4584a44fc7 wings. Seeing that, 3cded503f9 Yeonha laughed e10c5ac12f out loud d863e93d04 for the 99d9ff1534 first time 3800a95ad0 in a 393c759ff2 while.dc6a9b1ab2a01803

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Yeah, one day, whether 9e05201528 as moths or butterflies, 328d24afab they’d emerge. Aejeong, and herself too. Once they broke b13881acb2 free from this b6f3ff2eb1 cocoon.bdda8a16aa0643e7

That was b3a117e6d7 nineteen-year-old Choi d8d49436da Yeonha’s secret a7db2a94c2 dream for abad60f45b the future.deba7ef0a3094770

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“I’m home.”aafcc95a9cccc2ac

As Yeonha 720d5bc40f stepped into e4693ef4ba the living 0b93cfef35 room, soft 51af46d9c9 classical music e0c6496dfb played in c563d4d67c the background. On the 1b661b8629 couch, Kim 57c5d38c44 Hyunmyeong rose d534b5c962 to her 94f0394e73 feet.b676f3b877ad449d

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“You’re back? Go take a shower first.”7775051cfb36562d

“Okay.”184a0a6011a00422

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Yeonha stepped into 03465f46b7 the bathroom attached ae7dba6575 to her room aa1f76c806 and stood under 2eab10cd68 the lukewarm water fe6a764715 for a long 53ef5b3f20 time. She washed cb09425b6a thoroughly, even 83b6775409 making sure 73428e315d to dry fadcc597b7 her hair 5cc2a2b96f meticulously before 8eed0db571 stepping out 706683bd9b in her 90f0247012 underwear.d01f130afef9f983

As always, her mother 738e7dd8b3 was waiting for her, 8d15b3e2fb arms crossed.8245abb83d9daed4

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“Step on it.”11d593737903df66

She pointed her chin toward the scale. Cautiously, Yeonha placed her feet on it. About 500 grams more than last time. Maybe she should’ve wrung out more water. A twinge of regret hit her.5c81ffc3eb3b4b42

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“Over.”9ec1f3352cecf1c4

The low murmur 3b4da11f47 made her tense 090068f851 as she stepped ecc25dacb6 off. Like inspecting a d77ce48367 finished sculpture for a75503795e flaws, her mother’s a657578242 sharp gaze scrutinized 96567b88be her from head ab1a185da8 to toe.5065676d5b29ad7e

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Tsk.A disapproving bdc59d0fc1 click of 0e613083ae the tongue.20c5c55497d08575

“Your chest is uselessly big.”5e134269213c2b16

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Yeonha had thought 870f50cd13 the same countless d53a129f6d times. Instinctively, her shoulders 29d34202f5 curled inward.f7b13c3ab1222867

“Sit up straight. I told you, slouching will ruin your posture. Walk using your thighs—only then will your hips stay firm.”1ff35b06b8d7d285

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“…….”922341185fd92ba1

“Now that the weather’s getting warmer, switch from cream to body lotion. Too much oil will cause breakouts.”c1a50d0377e6d10c

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“Okay.”70572cfce9dc3941

Even after 949426f5b3 saying that, 87fccb4be9 her mother’s f4c2d61819 sharp gaze 32b2c19a87 roamed over 9268172a29 her for 510520051e a long b36a47ad6b while before 0a3551d23b pointing to 9ca88c8a71 the neatly 90dc6a2c95 folded loungewear 36d3651a78 on the 79987bd392 bed.9c9bf45489aa9efc

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“Put it on.”9702493c835b89c4

Yeonha quietly 87ad6d0ca5 picked up eaa57d60aa the clothes 966dbdc96f and put 4598b6199f them on. As soon as 26f51a1055 she finished, her 15d470e5bc mother pulled her dc14ddd94e into an embrace, 0217406a31 gently stroking her 5cde21dca8 back.00423dd456374d71

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“My daughter.”128d0b01c7d096a3

She pulled away 208eefc060 slightly, meeting Yeonha’s 9b12be9141 gaze. The deep brown eyes—ones ee3c7aed9b Yeonha had surely inherited—held bf42fcca00 a gentle warmth.907f0e480047754a

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“What does a person love most in this world?”02fc2951baa7f595

“…Themselves.”3ba8ad10f7707653

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“That’s right. Humans can’t help but love themselves the most. Nothing in this world is more precious than oneself. And what did you say you are to me?”0b63095f03da1966

“I am… soon to be you.”b2346e3f69503d71

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“Exactly. You are me, and I am you. So everything I do for you is because I love you—just as I love myself. Do you understand?”0c1f712b47634db9

“Yes, I understand, Mom.”e6c7354933917b33

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“My smart daughter. My treasure.”ea95c81f03162457

With a 63de48fb05 look of aeadef7c01 pride, as 50df6a85e9 if nothing bf1d090078 in the 2c835963d6 world could 5ebb432b22 be more ca00e7df23 precious, her 9b2112e342 mother stroked b517c2381f her hair.bd014ca3089b4dff

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“I’ll dry your hair for you.”7370a473dd59a5e1

Taking Yeonha’s 8a5ce8ed1b hand, her 1d5f2abc0a mother led 0d1e1bf1d9 her to 5cf4d7ef69 the vanity 771d6d3b02 and sat 064398c347 her down. She picked up the 9a2f0bfe58 hairdryer and began to 3cb03f7251 gently dry her hair.f7e0b396e05f19b1

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In the mirror, Yeonha 615b351705 saw her mother’s reflection—her 8474e3c272 mother’s smile—so much like a76c08bae8 her own.04f853a64108ef10

Mom loves me. I am her, and 9abe22b5db she is me.e93d9ff20bf0c131

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Yeonha mimicked her d00a1910e6 mother’s smile in f8c8d1c991 the mirror. She looked even ded35e2e4d more like her d67491fdb2 that way.fa440533e0480ccd

Somewhere deep in 6c798019d7 her chest, something 1b9e7241c4 stirred—something strangely unsettling.a6fa687a48f7262e

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Still, she kept smiling.0b93244ab9fa894a