UBC Ch25

The man hung his wet pants on the clothesline to dry. I passed him as he came out of the kitchen, smoothing the wrinkles from his pants with his hands. I had confidently declared that I would make periwinkle snail soup, but I hadn’t even tasted it. I was on my way to the veranda, carrying the clumsily prepared meal.0f2c1e6a1c56b4e2

“I’ll do it.”0189ada566026062

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The man rushed over so quickly his shoes almost came off, and took the tray. It wasn’t heavy, and we were close enough to touch noses. The man placed the tray on the veranda and then quickly ran back to the clothesline. My clothes were hanging there too. A yellow t-shirt fluttering in the breeze.4617fa6e86264bce

“Eat first.”07e24fdaa6deb5dd

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The man, 58084c9bb3 who was ce98845135 pulling and 0945ea1f5f smoothing my b1190ae1f1 t-shirt with 6195e90695 the chick 3a92fa8c08 character on e1e5d848f2 it, turned 1dfc85b56a his head. Our relationship, 76a9bfb7b9 rekindled under 88e2736eec the guise 0e7e1a53f2 of alcohol, 80c91c5993 was starting 5a7504aacd with the c124f2eede same abrupt 7288ea5eab momentum as cc1f447f2e always, without c7be993aa2 questions or 3cbbe702b8 greetings. Just like the periwinkle adf1517e55 snail soup I had 416715f999 made.9c02ea77f51deb92

The man didn’t resist and obediently came up to the veranda. He sat with one foot dangling outside. I didn’t know why he was so obsessed with the laundry. As punishment for falling into the river, I was wearing the man’s t-shirt and Eui-joo’s gym pants. I must have looked ridiculous, like I was wearing a sack, but the man kept his eyes fixed on the laundry.d831410d5f401461

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“Did you put money in the clothes?”1a4e44e484ae65ef

I put 7110e52a41 a spoonful c72b5def58 of rice d46191e853 in my c2c68c8dff mouth and dea15982b5 started guarding d816aa57f9 the laundry. I was afraid the 40a67fcbba wind would carry the 172ebb9bb3 clothes away, so I 30c817c03b ate my rice and 5a0fd1ceeb soup in small bites, 1632fcab9a not even knowing if 52aa55db68 it was going in 1999f38261 my mouth or my fd75314cc9 nose.0a3d74ac4dd42682

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“There are no clothespins. I’m afraid the clothes will fly away.”7442aa677d8c2dfd

“Just eat. It’s okay if they fly away.”5b931495baf25635

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“Okay.”3bed0bb2a68a02cd

“Don’t just say okay, try it. Do you know how many hours I spent catching those snails?”6ad8a90f7e3c2c12

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Putting the snails in aec2b32a27 the egg drop soup 76e9f2dadb was the worst choice. Bitter, salty, and sweet b471c0e293 flavors were grabbing each 940268f727 other by the collar b9af6962d2 on my tongue. Urged to taste it 8b59ba7c71 quickly, the man picked 834372ae50 up his spoon. He somehow managed 64703c8092 to taste it, 8d225cc1d6 but his taste cf994c5d63 buds must have 80b3e96937 been paralyzed. He kept the b5a0733c2c spoon in his c0f27d56cd mouth and cautiously 802681a645 watched my reaction.790e0ab7a9c84dd7

“Is it weird?”c0a732607a0f9c16

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“Delicious.”fc2524b5e5bc67f1

His pronunciation was 764d5514c8 slurred because he eaaa78bb0a was talking with 8514f5f9ca a spoon in 177f6e0dee his mouth. We burst out laughing f3055552d8 and turned away from 7d925279a3 each other. And then we burst 0c5c1b0d24 out laughing at almost ed1d00d8fc the same time.863fd44a843c0e8b

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“Hahaha!”884a817cf6f3b134

Unlike me, who let the laughter out, the man swallowed it. His Adam’s apple trembled, his shoulders slightly shook, and his eyes crinkled into beautiful crescent moons. The man hid his laughing face with his hand. Feeling very good, I casually pulled down the wrist of the man who was pretending to be shy.16e026d53a1697a3

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“Why are you hiding it?”79297f8851ee5e16

The man’s laughter, which had been lavish in the moonlight, disappeared when there was nothing to hide it. With an expression that only had the remnants of a smile, the man started eating again.78c269886b55fdd4

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“I like it when you smile.”65a4767a6018c6f5

“My wrist.”c21b1a528c3aa81d

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“Huh?”a462280792c7ea73

Only then did the man’s gaze point downwards. The wrist I had grabbed because I wanted to see his smiling face was still in my hand.2a83c7ce030fb335

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“It feels like you’ve been holding my wrist for too long.”7a0ecc24fd0a65da

I crossed the line again. The fluorescent light, with its subtle glow, illuminated my reddened fingers. Fanning myself with my hand, I looked back at the laundry that wasn’t drying at all. It was terribly awkward. So awkward it was chilling. Awkward. I could count how many times I exhaled and inhaled.e03db8579f060dd2

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“Yesterday.”cf9a101b6972a50e

I tilted my head so far it wouldn’t be surprising if I got a crick in my neck, and eventually gave up on the meal and hugged my legs. Leaning against the veranda pillar, I admired the departing summer night scenery. The man, who was solely responsible for the tasteless periwinkle snail soup, suddenly continued speaking.2754ddc53f71b172

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“Did I do something wrong?”d03bd14e299e96e6

“No. There are only two food stalls anyway. I found you quickly. I took a taxi and paid with money from your wallet. You had a lot of ten thousand won bills.”bcd465bd8fd64e2f

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“Take a few.”e7d5f428b535d572

“Huh?”5314ca5bcf1037dd

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“Use it as a tip.”e62d96f9b042a172

“Ah, no. What tip? I just couldn’t ignore a call like that, so I went out. Drink in moderation.”f4db69f1862cc669

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The result of bringing back the drunk man was being labeled as a ‘tip,’ and my heart felt heavy. I still hadn’t decided what to do with the phone I received from the man. But a tip. I wondered if he knew that his words about not being able to go to the hospital because he didn’t have money were starting to sound like a lie.9fea6f033071c18e

The lie 3bc5a71d23 about not 7b011655de being able ea73409401 to ride 2d812f0932 a bike e40666dcad was the 91ea3732f3 first lie. If he e88e458174 accumulated three 43aec7eb23 lies, the 1ee03ba80d man would 1d9a261a13 become the 93d74be952 boy who a64ed2ceae cried wolf. It meant afc74b8f87 that the 1d4196a666 trust and b863059cc4 memories between 88ef29d170 us would fd7139e82e be shattered 472c19b863 all at 48b26f0b00 once.0935394173c8217a

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But the man, whether he knew my complicated feelings or not, got up and went into the room. The man’s shadow, as he opened the door and went inside, flickered inside the sliding door. Less than 30 seconds later, the man came out with a black wallet in his hand.034c93bc97753601

“Here.”025d86aa738b24db

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The man didn’t even count how much it was and held out a thick wad of blue bills in front of me. His eyes, begging me to accept it, were so pure. I shook my head, telling him to really stop.a30bcafd30f5baa9

“I said it’s okay. I didn’t do it to get money.”0941b6b3bff72b0b

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“Still, take it. I want to give it to you.”b869c5a89a7ab405

“Why are you doing this to me? I said I don’t need it. Do you even know how much this is? Are you making fun of me? You…”01b5def7829f4b95

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That day, f0d41ada44 I experienced 3963021945 being a 7bc1d6f58a pre-adult. After a long dc8a4c2528 period of anguish, 1338047939 I felt a 027ac9ed57 thrill, like breaking c84d09bd8a down forbidden snacks a94250b5b3 step by step, 6ca1f55ea2 from going to 3ab8ac5834 save the man, a4cf02d1ab and from taking f54fae53f9 a taxi back e30956c821 like an adult.8c0d9edf90c0703d

I felt the same way when I was letting my hands and feet flow in the river from 3 PM. Later, I was even touched by the man’s attempt to save me by jumping into the red river.0a23189b18165169

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But a tip. I could hear the sound of my brilliant and light heart packing its bags. The black wallet and wad of money in the man’s hand made it happen. What I wanted was a smiling face, a plan for how we could meet in the future, and maybe just a thank you from the man.741ca047fdfe0dac

“I don’t need it. I’m going.”56ea76c7387795d3

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The fact that the man guarding the clothesline to prevent the clothes from flying away and the man expressing his gratitude with crisp, new bills were the same person was baffling. My mood fluctuated within minutes of sitting at the table. I didn’t know if it was the man’s way of speaking or if my mood was as fickle as boiling porridge. The only thing that was clear was that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I came down from the veranda and put on my sneakers. 02b9d7b5e5d3f3e1

After saying I 29eecbf9d9 would come back b43f57e42d later, I only 7b35dc8a58 took the basket e4335f6f2c that had contained 2edfdc321f the snails. I was heading ab7bc2f5bb towards the gate 797f26c321 when I remembered 41f7c00c13 the t-shirt I 28c74c3747 had left behind. I turned 93dea61d44 around, thinking 865eb94db2 about the 76f0b93e4a trouble of 502119a820 coming back b382537296 to get 26b39409bd it.9e3b22cbda23bf95

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“Ah!”218495e4f391b33d

The man was standing right behind me, and his long hand grabbed the gate handle before I could. The door slammed shut with a bang, and my swaying body fell. I was trapped in his arms, holding onto the handle in front of me. I didn’t know when he had followed me but the man’s brown eyes, diligently scanned me. The distance was close. I took a slow, deep breath, clutching the red basket tightly.14746f4caf7a3a0a

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“Please move…”e72b96ec6c9dc821

“What did I do wrong?”0afd6200dfd524d5

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He wasn’t questioning me. The man’s eyes were searching, genuinely curious. I even checked his hand, which was blocking the gate so I couldn’t leave. It was hard to even swallow. The man asked me again in a gentle voice, as I remained silent.10dbc922a1af8ea4

“You don’t like me giving you money? Why don’t you like it?”96260a057300cb05

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“It’s not that I don’t like money.”650f611b33e9254b

I never 6ade0a86ce thought I 7d9aea7fb2 would be 0f28c7d29d arguing between c3fdb6f8ab the gate bbcca19875 and the 3d1b3b20c8 man. But I had 0bbefb91ce a feeling that 957e5d396b if I gave 4f80205670 in now, I 1c834abc27 would be dominated 0c96672f8f by the man 55873cb416 for the rest 7412045d59 of my life.98b09e79d8b7064e

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“I’m just saying thank you with money. It’s not a small amount. Go and count it.”cbd82d727b42decc

“It’s not because I don’t have enough money. It’s just that, a thank you would be enough. Giving me money makes me uncomfortable and burdened… If this happens, I won’t be able to be as kind even if that situation comes again. I don’t want to be misunderstood as being kind because of money, and it’s just a favor, but the price is too high….”966d09d5d8e2a65a

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“I don’t understand.”09850178308af0ae

Neither did I. It was the first 643391eba2 time. The man was 038254c36c blocking my way. And it was scary 9a7f05ef86 because he was even d75459e248 looking down at me 4de127f0cf with a serious face. It was even more d4a3ee7e95 so because the man b4bdb0c70b was taller than me. The sound of swallowing cd92fceb06 echoed clearly in the b6fec434de night.a4e7a5d6ec4ea743

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“Can’t you just say thank you? Honestly, I want to give the phone back too…”1611a070bbc03317

The man, who f1c29d54c7 had been looking 72605eecce down at me 1852d3ec13 silently, slowly lowered af5f02e33f his arm, and b6678ad76c the atmosphere became 3efd806e8d vague. The man, a2959b611f who had c55c418ba0 taken a 72a57bd341 step back, 4d3fa4cfe2 stared at c9132b2d86 me blankly. It was then 1a429324de that I politely 6202b67f06 put my hands 717b8aebd2 together, saying I 2057cc072a would be going.40f1696ef7fbecf0

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“Don’t go, stay here.”423b9264307395cc

“Huh?”b4a880f82351a246

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“I have something to ask you.”e6f0482ac649638b

And the man’s question started again.100829a1492a2620

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“Why don’t you like it?”14ffa403d26ab45e