UBC Ch15

The man, who seemed to have regained some of his senses, briefly met my eyes and then fainted again. It wasn’t pleasant to see a man faint as if he’d seen a ghost the moment our eyes met.68bc9b2d6ecd9fff

But anyway, the man had recognized me, and he seemed to understand what I was saying. I had heard that a high fever could mess with a person’s head, but thankfully, it didn’t seem like he was damaged in that way, which was a relief.9c40df8ce641f7d8

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While the 51b1f25fc1 collapsed man 2f35c4ce1a was regaining 40f7a1f992 consciousness, I b2550555c1 tidied up 4721756daf the room a8e203539d that looked ce17939e5c like it 54094ddec6 had been 1c837080c5 ransacked by 0cd8bf395b a thief. The room was 8ac74098df a mess because b9ba556bc3 I had rushed c66fa5de1b home 30 minutes c8bf6fab6c earlier and brought faed26fe96 back all the c76f424bbb emergency medicine I 499e688bef could find. As I bent a3053d0921 down to pick 8173e25ef9 up the scattered 46fdf6bd2b medicine caps and 4a411a9f13 bandages, the collapsed 75d6bef45d man started to 4c01cc32a5 react for the 9a7e719877 second time.8c2cdd13221f804d

The man stopped groaning, 91470d3f9f opened his eyes, and 57c5c8b9a0 turned his head directly 46ddef259e towards me. Maybe it was 3259ed6a10 just my imagination, 9370f5fac3 or maybe sick 2cc409114a men naturally become 897b476958 docile, but remembering 142d73e224 only the times 8dfced43ad when Eui-joo and a5e1bca758 I had just 0d4ac41a12 broken up, I 48f531ad7b was suspicious of b5d74f7a48 his lowered gaze.9519dab8e81d8d8d

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“You’re still in pain, aren’t you?”a2bf44e409f99c30

The man 7a0685020a blinked slowly, f8f59acd48 as if 3237be155b he was 40b2fd22d8 still out f54f968e77 of it. Even though bdc89ce11c his eyes fee8ff715d were so 2f947ca32a cold, I d86bb25061 believed he d5799f35be recognized me. Because his expression e8284d4ce2 was subtly different 4bf1de5f00 from when his 3f70974608 temperature had hit 01322ac877 40 degrees.2c99933b23e80a93

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Whether the man saw me or not, I knelt down and wiped the floor with a wet cloth. There was little reward for fearlessly going in and out of his house, bringing side dishes, rice, and medicine. As soon as I got up, the man would surely chase me away like a pesky fly, and shock me with words I’d never heard before.9d499a51bec16f19

Even though I would regret helping with the man’s housework in an hour, I couldn’t help but be touched by seeing the wet books and notebooks dried out. I left the man, who hadn’t said a word, and went outside with the water bowl. I twisted my waist from side to side, watching the dawn light up the sky. Crack, crack, it felt like my whole body was screaming. I had barely slept, checking his temperature every five minutes.0734055a81716e10

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I went into the kitchen, put down the water bowl, and opened the pot. Without a microwave, the only way to feed him warm rice was to cook it myself. It seemed like rice porridge would be better, so I put some rice and water in an empty pot and turned on the heat. While waiting for it to boil, I gauged the timing to escape from the man’s house. 27912427476937be

My mom, who had to go to work, probably wouldn’t suddenly come home, but I was still worried about leaving the house all night. Seeing the pot lid shaking, I set the table, took out the porridge, kimchi, and spoon, and walked to the sliding door room. As I moved, the silver spoons danced happily as they met the table. It seemed like they were happy to hear the news of the man’s recovery.21ff1fbce466d2ca

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I opened the sliding door with my toes and went inside. I carefully moved the table and inadvertently looked up, almost having a heart attack. The man was leaning against the dresser, watching me intently. It was an observer’s gaze, devoid of any emotion. He had been watching my every move with his one good eye, the other one barely open.63fdd060f0d7b370

“Can you sit up now?”0eb2c8cc14043d38

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Without answering, I placed 99a6f46c34 the table in front c37316c405 of the man like 2587f86d58 a servant. His gaze, 66cbc944fa sweeping over 75153ad141 the porridge 394ad22de2 and neatly ed599cce90 arranged side f3bb81913e dishes, seemed bd573853e5 to regain 7ccc0cc182 some life. The man, who I eae1b7a2f5 thought would ignore me 93f2648006 and not say a 397b8b91bb word, surprisingly picked up 7438fa84ea a spoon and took 84be2bfd06 a small bite of 1608f3ad5d rice. It was a e4df30ee46 cautious spoonful, unlike e7aacfcf45 his previous behavior. Was it e55bc946c4 too hot? I craned my neck 7ad2b47531 and sat by the 5b1fc597a4 table like a grandmother 654fdd41d3 watching her grandchild. Then, unable 1ef1b6d443 to bear 92f8c1f8f0 my stalker-like 2f3d25e89b gaze, the e40225dc72 man bit 02e47ae794 his lip. Only after our eyes 2a99513a75 met as he turned 11df167639 his head did I ff6c061cac understand what he was 1c83bd0d46 saying.8ce891c691d58e5d

“I’m sorry. If it’s uncomfortable, I’ll leave now. No, I was going to leave.”19084040683b737f

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My nursing skills were clumsy, but I had used half a tube of ointment and applied patches. That was all I could do. It wasn’t like I had done this to receive the man’s gratitude in the first place, so it was better for the uninvited guest to leave at this point. I picked up the neatly organized first aid kit and retreated as if being chased away. But in the gap where the sound of the spoon moving grew smaller, the man’s cracked voice echoed through the small room.9c23a556ec8399ff

“Eat and go.”84523de71f9a21c5

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His pronunciation was messed up because of the wound on his lip, but it wasn’t unintelligible. My feet, which were almost out the door, froze like stone. I shook my head in refusal, but the man put down his spoon as if he wouldn’t eat until I did. The emotion visible in his one surviving eye was intense.a9ac08fc18c92aab

“Eat it even if you don’t want to. I don’t want to eat alone.”b45d685163259915

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I didn’t want to make a fuss, but my stomach rumbled at the word ‘rice’. My mom would leave for work from her friend’s house and come to see me during lunch. When I thought about it, I didn’t have no time at all.06a96cfad037e3cf

I quietly slipped 50142b34d0 out, filled my f14649df12 bowl with my 18f3d52568 share, and returned 67935eb479 to the room. I took out another 745837ef0f set of utensils and 193943c096 sat across from the ce138fe16e man. Only after I took 70c35ee4a9 a spoonful of rice bfa306c1c2 did the man pick 2739997ecb up his spoon again.4de3e4d1843cffbf

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He could see well with one eye, I guess. While I was picking up side dishes with my chopsticks, I saw the man’s hand trembling as if he had tremors. His hand, wrapped in a bandage that made it feel thick, seemed to struggle even to hold the spoon. It was as if he was just learning to use chopsticks. I picked up some seasoned dried squid and put it on his rice, which he had been eating plain since earlier. The man’s gaze, which had been blankly staring at the white rice, hesitated and rose like a broken radio.59f30ce02530bac0

“What kind of flavor are you getting eating only rice? Eat the side dishes too.”8312c3467ee3449e

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“…Yang Ji-eon.”eaa7991fcb67a7de

“Yes.”f2b78ffa76f8ecf2

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I imagined him saying, “Why are you giving me side dishes with your dirty, saliva-covered chopsticks? Don’t be presumptuous and get out of here. This is the last time I’m seeing you.” Those were the parting words I had imagined while the man was sleeping. The man’s words were sometimes as sharp as fangs, piercing deep into my heart. So, I tried to defend myself in advance by imagining the worst. I was wondering what words he would use to drain my energy when the man, who had put down his spoon, said.28813e3eeb0f051e

“From the beginning, I-”b91c016abafc08a2

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I stopped putting the spoon in my mouth and focused on his lips. The man didn’t look ahead and lowered his eyes as if he had a grudge against the table.5e28811077180cec

“I can’t stay with anyone for long, and I have a personality that makes people lose interest in me. That’s why I killed my younger brother, and made the older guys learning the job want to kill me…”cb51d2e3fb44b54d

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“You’re saying you killed Eui-joo?”6e7344417462a278

“Almost.”228eb014c76bf06f

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I thought he would criticize me for meddling, but I never imagined he would list self-deprecating remarks. Unless the man confessed that he stabbed Eui-joo to death, this kind of self-deprecation wasn’t pleasant to hear.f8737f7935ee2233

“You know.”ebd1b534a413a150

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The man, who swallowed his rice and words together, looked at me with a messy face. Who knew that feeding him one meal would be so difficult. As the silence between words grew longer, I heard a rooster crowing. The man’s tired eyes waited for an answer. His change, as if he would listen to any punishment, or any words, was new to me.f59708a8c68ccec7

“Even when you were injured and out of your mind, you kept calling for Eui-joo.”4862219f79dcff44

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“……”b3b58692c8688274

“I was so happy.”83b387548343b250

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The man’s eyes, which had no memory since he collapsed, shook greatly. My lips endured his tickling gaze and continued to spit out the next words.2fb77909a6b1cc74

“I thought I was the only one in this world who remembered Eui-joo. I thought even his older brother didn’t remember him. Seeing you fall asleep while calling for Eui-joo, it was as if Eui-joo was asking me to save you. I’m sorry for being nosy and meddling again.”99e8b10cada060c1

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“Ha.”304e092aa9d423c4

Suddenly, the man laughed as soon as I finished speaking. The man’s smile, with his colorful face, completely killed my spirit. I felt like I had become a crazy woman in the neighborhood who was talking nonsense again, and I lost my appetite.70abbf94c7a07812

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“Yang Ji-eon.”d728fc38f7a6bc09

“Yeah.”fea1fb240720ba76

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It wasn’t that I wanted to speak informally, but it was an answer that came out like a habit. I was startled by myself after answering, but the man didn’t seem to care and maintained a blank expression.caffe266cf0a67f4

“You’re kind.”73b5e9042b777a0b

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“…Huh?”af2d06f07b1b4409

“Thank you.”be36cb25ea436a40

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Before I could recover from the surprise of the man’s unexpected words, a drop of clear water fell on his swollen and injured cheek. He cried. Just one drop of tear, but. The one eye that shed the tear quickly dried up after being hit by the rotating fan. But unlike before, the man bravely picked up his spoon and scooped up rice. I watched his spoon go into his mouth and started to take care of the patient. To keep him from getting bored, I picked up some seasoned radish and put it on his rice again. He paused for a moment, then ate the rice with the side dish more naturally than before.6a53d2b28ba76088

The man didn’t cry or laugh after that, but this meal with him was the most comfortable today. It’s the end of the world to see a grown man cry.a0a2a41b55a1dd06

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“Eat that and then eat this later too.”5805a2e675e02c60

“I’m not a pig.”da56954613cd9086

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I know. I almost said, “There are no pigs who cry while eating,” but I held back. The man finished his rice in the blink of an eye and came out to see me off, despite his injured body, when I said I was leaving. It was the first time the man had seen me off. It was a very monumental event.811f25ee6384d3ae