UBC Ch14

Young Eui-joo was once rushed to the hospital after stepping on a shard of broken glass. After spending the entire month’s living expenses on hospital bills, the kitchen cabinets were filled with unbreakable plastic dishes and paper cups. Eui-tae, who barely attended school, was beaten by his father every three days like a dog on Dog Days. The neighbors were also gamblers, thugs, a mother working at a bar, and a grandfather disabled in the war. Unhappy families with different stories gathered, lowering the standard of average.6c8bdf5dd4521ead

Having been alienated from society’s view, Eui-tae knew the prices of cigarettes and alcohol inside out, even if he didn’t know addition or subtraction. After he grew a bit older, his school friends taught him what shame and embarrassment were.be29f8c2d537a362

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Clumsy chopstick skills and difficulty with spelling made ridicule and mockery a daily occurrence for Eui-tae. After he grew taller in the upper grades of elementary school, he raised his fists. Then, no one in the school defended or even spoke to Eui-tae. As a middle schooler, Eui-tae looked at his scabbed hands and thought: It’s better to be feared than ridiculed.4392b3b6f619e9fb

Eui-tae’s isolated school life eventually went beyond just problems between the children and reached the point of summoning parents. However, Eui-tae’s father, who was unresponsive even when the teacher called or made home visits due to a major problem, remained a legend in the school. Then, one day, annoyed by the teacher and the school’s nagging, his father signed a withdrawal form and left. Eui-tae, who had been indifferent even when someone sneered, calling him a “half-breed,” or when the kitchen flooded during the rainy season, learned the meaning of the word “shame” for the first time.73ba86b1869a0d58

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“Hyung.”90d3e8cbce3e037e

He wanted to go to school. He didn’t dream of college, but he wanted to get a high school diploma. He wanted to show young Eui-joo, the only one he still considered family, that he could go to school even in this shithole of a house.f8e04537acbdacbe

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“Where are you going?”88636522c3919fbe

Two years after dropping out, he realized that the reason his father made him quit school wasn’t because of a violent incident. He had used his son, who was good at fighting, as collateral to pay off his gambling debts. The debt was transferred to an old man famous for usury in the area, and things escalated. At the age of nineteen, he went under the old man who would cross the sea to catch you and collect the debt.e2a208b37f23cd05

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“Can’t you not go? Hyung?”09d7031287ebe8c5

He had a debt of the heart to his younger brother, who coughed every season. Eui-joo was his stepmother’s son. His stepmother couldn’t stand his father, who was quick to raise his hand. So, she ran away with the house deed in the early morning, and Eui-tae even witnessed the scene. Eui-tae, who had gotten up to put rice in the pot and became the last witness, didn’t stop his stepmother from running away. Eui-joo was only ten years old, an age when he would naturally miss his mother.6d2d386220aadb85

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“They said they’ll feed me if I go there.”d84ab28425dcfb63

Leaving behind Eui-joo, who c29d6af704 was crying and telling c260f13a26 him not to go, c9f09cb68b he headed to the e955ec4aa5 lodging designated by the 786a8751ae old man. If he 6271d5131b went to 375d389a08 work and 8ccd8d0ac7 earned money, 3c85e1445a Eui-joo would 11e63ac8a3 be better 23a11f6e22 off. Whether he was fighting a96de1a736 at school or acting 224e479730 as a bodyguard for 1fac7a7642 the old man who a94b2069cc went around collecting money, a97510acab it would be the 91114f12d4 same thing. Eui-tae, who 3e8d5ab0ef chose to 2430031784 leave home ab127f28f3 with a 219896c64b single travel ea4141fa52 bag, was 091f7d7772 too naive c80b7c9375 about the 03fe2e7141 world.52117dc465471514

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As he became tainted by the violent and threatening underworld, his mind was also breaking down. Feeling a sense of crisis that he might end up living and dying just as a lackey for his organization, he coldly cut off contact with his family. He sent money regularly, but he didn’t meet Eui-joo, fearing that his heart would weaken.d9760a5bec8611b9

Once he became an adult who didn’t have to be mindful of anyone, he felt like he was finding his usefulness within the group. It was the old man’s twisted hobby to gather bottom-of-the-barrel people and use them like his own hands and feet, but it was undeniable that everyone’s livelihood had improved thanks to that. He moved out of the shantytown and got a house in a rural area with clean water and fresh air. A place where even his father, who had a nationwide arrest warrant, didn’t know about.608e86ad31490796

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Perhaps it was 5926f6062c how desperately Eui-tae 2a3ae089f5 was struggling to 3d931e506b survive that caught ea0373cc20 his eye, but ba24e8ac33 he was able 3334075d7b to enter the 3a93f1b0b4 inner quarters of 51356f6704 the influential old cfbb2f8a88 man as the 15d6ebc3d0 youngest member. However, the 30f7230c9c real hardship c3624d5abf began then. Not only did he 9b9e15f6db work people without rest, 553def1d5c but he also kicked f570ea2cf5 the shins of sleeping f0cc71e251 people and held drills 3a57c40ee4 every weekend morning.5256213c52617a1f

Among the ecfbd2e117 youngest members, cf6f274471 there was 44a9d267c0 a joke a6b23a57a7 that it 66d7b60aaf was better 9e993b986b to go 8c76aa7a02 to the 73caae62d6 military three 601a14357c times. Even if you a83323d5d5 succeeded in getting 2c7f9a4dc4 into the inner b4524a14c6 quarters by pleasing b59da66471 the old man, b274c6ce3f surviving there was 6dd48bc235 another matter. Eui-tae, who 80d208f405 was counting ca256d8d13 the days 5d80c2915c until he 4f9baed9b0 could repay ae27d1f4dc his debt, 712bf81a12 received an e2823a8b67 order from 60fc092069 the old 7a7b6ecb9d man one d3180a6c74 day.bbd162620eaa8579

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“Kang Eui-tae.”63e0448beffe1d22

“Yes.”a5c0e4c1436b93e3

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“What kind of son doesn’t even graduate from high school? What’s a middle school graduate? Go learn more and come back. Don’t even come back until you get that.”ba04dff555308893

The old man’s threat to at least graduate from high school was sudden, but Eui-tae, who wasn’t in a position to refuse an order, was preparing to return to his hometown.f852e407842b4f3b

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“Yes.”7140222d73d20ef6

— Are you 516ef4d183 related to Kang bd3e6c1dfe Eui-joo?f8d3ebc2f015902f

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And his brother died on the street. Just last month, he had called and told him that his only family was his hyung. People around him had clicked their tongues, wondering why he was so devoted to his half-brother. But if not for Eui-joo, there was no one he could call family. Would he call the mother who gave birth to him but whose face he didn’t know, or the father who gave him his seed but was better off not existing, family? His stepmother, who told him to take care of himself even as she ran away with disheveled hair, and Eui-joo were his family.021068edfc82330f

After holding Eui-joo’s funeral, summer came. Eui-tae, who came down to Chowa-ri to sort out his belongings, found a bankbook under the pillow. Eui-joo had saved the money he had sparingly sent him to go to the hospital without using it. He had also written a neat note in the bankbook.aaeb55708b2d6ede

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To use when fe52835439 I live with 27ab223087 hyung.86081484b6d6e607

Even if 96acc9858d it had c3b9217b55 been a f8f9636da9 long time 77345b558a since he 7bf999ba67 had read, 1a2c18a8dd he could 55f4d64294 understand that d455422acd much. That was why Eui-tae, 0639296a1a who had thought of cad3a3ab3a selling off the jinxed 24ac804c28 house immediately, had crawled dd3dd760f2 into Chowa-ri.66b7dab3344ea0e7

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He sent the money Eui-joo had saved to the old man and paid off all of his father’s remaining debt. The old man must have praised Eui-tae quite highly in front of his subordinates, saying that he was the first guy to pay off his debt so quickly. Perhaps it was because they were displeased by that, but they invaded Eui-tae’s neighborhood and beat him indiscriminately. If he resisted or fought back there, he could have been crippled altogether. He had to accept it as a kind of ritual that happened regularly to stay in the inner quarters.22e019149f8d5a87

The old man was someone who watched the gang’s fights, not someone who intervened to mediate. Only the strong survived and stayed by his side. How warm could the heart of someone who wiped his ass with dirty money be?f97506efc48ecf2c

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Even though he had no meaning in life, no family, and no money, Eui-tae opened a book. Whenever he felt regret or his mood sank due to things from his past, Eui-tae thought about what was next. What was next was the side dishes he would eat tomorrow, the studying he would do tomorrow, the people he would meet tomorrow. If he organized his thoughts starting with the very near future, a person’s mind became simple.5dee47f48bc6812c

If he thought too long about the things he had lost and regretted the irreversible choices for too long, the only place Eui-tae himself could go was heaven. So, he kept his thoughts simple and lived his life simply. After all, if he couldn’t get into the old man’s inner quarters, he would only be a errand boy for some mediocre office. Let’s die then. If he killed Eui-joo for the sake of making money and couldn’t even be a nobody, let’s die then.d3b49f018d08a803

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“Open your eyes.”93e257fd8153bfc6

His chest rose 0520d58527 as if he 8620a904e2 were taking his f5bdfc91fe first breath. A white 0a3af40039 fan came a0e92393fd into his 4d87048329 blurry vision. Not a 45a91317f9 dusty, yellowed dc3eef0081 fan. It was clean c76ce88519 and new, as 71b6f6f2d1 if someone had 889e758950 washed it. Was the breeze blowing 74aef023a3 from there as cool 17cecb0703 as peppermint candy?8aad75876a38720e

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“Wow, wow, that’s a relief.”34b0bcde640597d7

He shifted his gaze, 8c0301e36b following the sound of 686a03d233 busy footsteps. His vision, which 77d6f579f6 had been blurry f26a18e203 and then became 3d6dfade73 clear again, became 7db3739cd5 unclear as it 6d51585380 met the bright 0a27581f22 light.ecda15a7b6504256

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“I really thought someone was dying and I prayed for the first time.”69fb2f9a0d4f90a6

That chattering voice seemed f4de9862fd to echo from all fbbf56e563 directions, perhaps because of 123629c2c0 his aching head. The constant rhythm 08c55603e8 of the footsteps ebcb412a02 was distracting. All his 2e4b8e85be senses were f80e3f268e so dull 3ba14ca687 that it e7e4d81084 felt unreal. His lips, which were a358860282 exhaling hot breath, felt 140d96ff8c like they were peeling.311aadb6fc1ed1d2

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He had been ae6976f6d2 beaten beyond measure, 309ffb79a0 but Eui-tae had 93c9b08520 no thoughts right a12b8d4a22 now. The fact 86be146f96 that he c75ac361a0 was thinking 163647ad2b about cigarettes 6e84309718 even in bf9b5186e9 this state 390217b8f9 meant that f812b3be22 this life 4f1831c503 was a 738e2874af lost cause.ceeaa1cbdb6c42c3

He must 7aa950412f be creating a041aadb97 hallucinations of 9b44c13e7b someone taking f5f0656e0a care of a944b826dc him. He must be fantasizing c0631f47bc that there was someone 4df78b5511 nursing him while he 2afa82a18a was lying alone at 823a78a02a home. Just as ca2299e094 he was e2308948a1 about to f89c73ed38 laugh at e72f54006d his pathetic 79027a5ad8 situation, a 42103e84d7 damp towel 4beb716d24 covered his 54ce045234 eyes.30c9a412182eedb5

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“But the swelling has gone down a lot.”39ba576510cd1bd2

Was he confusing the sound of a person’s voice with the sound of the fan? Eui-tae raised his hand, his joints aching, and slowly grabbed the towel. It was about time for the delusion to fade. He pushed the towel aside and frowned. His vision, which had been dizzy as if he had drunk a bottle of whiskey, was finally clearing up.536ab9d80a50e9fe

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“Why did you take that off?”2d27a1e04cecaa8b

Hair as thin as silk tickled Eui-tae’s forehead. Eui-tae, who had regained his senses, struggled to open his eyes wide. In the flickering shadow, there were eyes, a nose, and a mouth. The light from the lamp, which had made it look like a white background, became the woman’s wings. A smile appeared on her face, which had looked like a watercolor painting, and she finally transformed into a person.01a52fb9351bf68e

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“Eat when you have the strength.”30c7ba6476d260ab

She was close enough to touch. The woman placed her hand on the spot where he had removed the towel. The woman’s warmth was transmitted to his chest, stealing Eui-tae’s mind in another sense.499eabc896adec81

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He remembered. Whether he was in pain that he could endure, pain that was killing him, or pain that was on the verge of killing him, no one had ever taken care of him. That’s why it was unfamiliar, and that’s why…76df4552e6bfbf42

“Can’t you get up?”bfc36e1fdf62ad5b

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He wanted to 888135f2aa die today.bf9a987e68270501