UBC Ch10

“Are you calling that a proper thing to say right now? Huh? Did our Ji-eon look so easy to you that you, a young bachelor, could have such improper thoughts? I’ll spread rumors about you at your school and shame you, you son of a bitch!”

Behind my aunt, who was screaming with veins popping out of her neck, Mom cracked open a green soju bottle. Mom, drinking alone, was already on her third bottle without any snacks. The emotion that occupied a large part of Mom’s heart was probably self-reproach. She was busy with work, the breadwinner, a single parent, and without a father figure, so she blamed herself for all the bad and unfortunate things that happened to me.

My aunt’s biggest worry was that I would go astray and follow in her footsteps, and Mom’s biggest worry was that I, growing up without a father, would resent her. My tomboyish aunt and my rather taciturn mom didn’t get along well. There were often times when Mom would just give in to avoid fighting with my aunt. That’s how much of a “we don’t need to see each other to live” kind of sisterly relationship they had, yet they lived as neighbors in the same town, purely because of me.

Outwardly, Mom, the owner of the beauty salon, earned money, and inwardly, my aunt, a homemaker, took care of me. I, who grew up with their blistered and calloused hands, knew very well how I should repay them. But I thought the weakest of them all was me. Even though they talked a lot, Mom and my aunt had one goal: to raise their daughter to be as good as anyone else. I was a coward who felt burdened but couldn’t shout that my aunt’s interference was unfair and that I wanted freedom.

“What are you sorry about! Does being sorry mean you can confess to a kid who hasn’t even graduated high school? Huh! Isn’t it because you looked down on her?”

“Sis. That’s enough.”

When I got home, I contacted my aunt and described the moment the tutor confessed as honestly and plainly as possible. There were some parts of the story that I had cut off on my own. It was because I was worried that my aunt might grab a kitchen knife and go to the tutor’s place.

My aunt, who was confident that she could keep an eye on him, had been betrayed by the very person she trusted. The tutor had properly pressed the trauma button of my aunt, who was shouting distrust and condemnation of men. The fact that the tutor had confessed his feelings and that I had rejected him, and therefore could no longer receive tutoring, summoned a two-hour-long scolding.

“Sis, I said stop it.”

“Stop what! A guy like that needs to be properly shamed!”

I could hear sobbing from the other end of my aunt’s phone. There was no way the tutor’s excuse that he had tried to win her over by bringing her father’s car would work. It was a terrible memory for both of them, one they didn’t even want to revisit by mistake.

“Why are you interfering? Huh?”

Perhaps because she was constantly bothered by Mom’s expressionless face, my aunt couldn’t fully vent her anger and hung up the phone. The remaining anger of my aunt was transferred to Mom, who was drinking. Even as my aunt charged like a bull, Mom was carefree.

“Shouldn’t you go check on your husband? He looks for you if you’re not there during dinner time.”

“Is that what’s important right now? Whether that old man looks for me or not, how can you drink with such an important matter at hand?”

“Just stop it. It’s not like something big happened to her, and she returned the money she received, right? I finished early today, so I have to leave earlier and come home later tomorrow. Drink this and sleep well, and sister, please go now.”

My aunt looked dumbfounded and speechless at Mom, who nonchalantly emptied her glass into her mouth. Even after two hours, my aunt, who hadn’t cooled down, couldn’t believe this eviction notice.

“Does this look like a minor thing to you? It’s because we only have women that they look down on us.”

“What do you want me to do? Huh? Go and kill him? He returned the money and said he was sorry. I’m so tired, sister. I feel like it’s all my fault about that guy too. I’m upset. But if I think about going to work tomorrow, I just want you to leave.”

After escaping the slum-like house in Seoul, they moved to Chowa-ri and were barely accepted as members of the village. A house with a master bedroom and a small room, a boiler that worked on time, a clean and simple kitchen and bathroom—that was the best environment Mom could maintain. And Mom was offering her bone marrow and lifespan to the beauty salon to maintain that environment.

Mom’s best and my aunt’s best were different. My aunt was focused solely on me living well, while Mom, who was responsible for the family, had different suffocating points. Mom seemed to want to end my aunt’s fuss over what she considered a big deal as a minor incident and regain her ordinary daily life from yesterday. And I agreed with Mom’s opinion.

“What are we going to do about Ji-eon’s tutoring tomorrow?”

“I’ll try to find someone. A female tutor.”

“Since this happened, send her to a hagwon, a hagwon (cram school). I’ll do the pick-up.”

“Is there a guarantee that nothing troublesome will happen there either? And how many days are left in the vacation that you’re suddenly looking for a hagwon. She has her own way of doing things.”

Mom predicted that my aunt’s extreme behavior would cause troublesome things and drew a line. It was my turn to counter Mom, who said that she was a kid who did well on her own, so a female tutor would be better.

“So, about that…”

I, who had been crouching in the corner with my head down, cooled down the heat of the Park sisters with a new proposal. The gazes of the two people, who had been looking at each other without an inch of retreat, held conflicting emotions. My tightly closed lips inevitably wore a fake smile.

＊＊＊

My proposal, which rejected tutoring, hagwon, and supplementary classes, was self-directed learning. My aunt, with a hurt face, said to live well on your own and cut off contact. It was like casting a vote against it. It had been two days since she had stopped sending the side dishes she used to send. For some reason, Mom also cut off contact with my aunt as if she were an enemy.

Mom, who was unknowingly tired of my aunt’s nagging, seemed to be trying to establish the relationship between the two of them on this occasion. It was common for shrimp to have their backs broken in a whale fight, but in the tutoring incident, the shrimp alone benefited from it, as the saying goes, “a loss may turn out to be a gain”. I had obtained Mom’s permission to study alone, whether I went to the study room or did it at home.

I didn’t know how long my aunt and Mom’s fight would last, but if I wanted to get decent grades on the mock exam in September, I couldn’t just laze around.

“Why are you reading one passage for so long? You’re going to waste all your time.”

“Because I don’t understand it.”

“I told you to just skip it if you don’t understand it. We’re not testing who can read this novel for the longest time.”

From the day I got permission, I packed a load of textbooks, writing utensils, and side dish containers and went to the man’s house. I told Mom that I was going to study at a cafe in the city. Mom, who was interested but didn’t have the energy to supervise, just slipped me some pocket money with a rather tired face.

“Okay, again.”

“Was this a ‘rieul’ consonant?”

“Yes.”

It’s not like I was imitating a magpie repaying a favor, but it’s hard to deny that it was the man who stopped the tutor’s harassment that day. If it had gone further, my aunt wouldn’t have just stopped at verbally abusing him over the phone. Forgetting her own situation, she might have turned the village upside down. Then the relationship between my aunt and our house would be revealed, and my aunt’s dream would turn into pig slop. Let’s just say it’s gratitude to the man who put out the fuse of a huge bomb.

I thought, uust until this summer vacation. It was not that long anyway. Eventually, I would become an adult, leave Chowa-ri, and then my relationship with the man would end here. It was also to save Eui-joo, who wouldn’t be comfortable dying with his brother left behind.

“Yang Ji-eon.”

“Yes.”

Still, he was learning the batchim consonants faster than elementary school first graders. The man rolled the inside of his cheek with his tongue every time he was criticized. It was his own way of showing that he was dissatisfied with the class. He suppressed his emotions as if he was trying to help me even though it would hurt his pride to study Korean at his age.

The man, who had been silent for a long time after calling me, suddenly grabbed the head of the fan. The head of the fan, which was broken and rotating infinitely, was fixed in one direction. The fan wind carried the smell of grass and the man’s scent together.

“Take it easy on me. I’m embarrassed enough as it is.”

Was I expecting some great words to come out? But rather, the simple words resonated in my ears. The colorless emotion that didn’t shout or put pressure on me was comfortable. The man looked at the Korean textbook for a while longer and then put down his pen, marking break time. No, it would be more accurate to say he threw it. Then he rummaged through his pockets and took out a pack of cigarettes. The man smoked during break time, and I studied math.

He came early in the morning with his book bag and told me the parts he was stuck on. For two hours before dinner, it’s Korean study time. The man, who received side dishes from our house, has agreed to provide dinner on his own. This was the agreement with the man.

“No smoking.”

I poked the man’s arm with the sharp end of the pen. The man looked down at his ink-stained arm and laughed insipidly. And the man, who insisted on lighting a cigarette in front of the tutor, got up and walked into the yard. Gray clouds floated above the head of the man, who was leaning against the wall outside the gate.

“It still smells even if you’re there, you know? Cigarette smoke can affect distances of over 100m.”

The man, who I thought would ignore my grumbling, answered at that moment.

“Isn’t this more than 100m?”

The man clearly didn’t even know how much 100m was. There was so much to teach him. I had a long way to go. I shook my head and put my pen on the problem I couldn’t solve yesterday.