Chapter 10

“Go ahead.”e0ae78fab2268075

Jaekani carefully grasped the 9ee1df3989 stem of the trimmed 4ed349b86a flowers and held them 64fbf913c0 close to his chest.c82a2306e388fefb

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A moment ago, he affd349621 hadn’t wanted to see 672be69a95 Huikyung. But now, holding a81dafb3a4 the flowers, he 7d386edab3 found himself wanting f2739ccb55 to visit him.9c237f1ff38373ab

“…That, I… that….”c350750c29efefcc

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The most effective apology 7167bc527f is action. Jaekani didn’t want ebf22fe2d8 to give meaningless d64540f43e words to his 54a0bd9bfe father, filled with 06e107b1e9 self-pity or sympathy. His father was 32b528c97d a wretched man, 1b9dd3b945 and Jaekani didn’t 970608bfbf expect him to 6347b6a014 change.223cb874916ba69b

Everyone, including the kids 2736dbb504 at school and those dcdb5db3ac who knew about their c8cc010266 household, assumed that Jaekani 5bd62060a8 must fear his father. But the truth e7fb21fb04 was, Jaekani wasn’t a5771714f4 afraid of him af50ed201c at all. When his df28510ed9 father raised 3ac381e135 his hand, 2820232f80 Jaekani didn’t 9aee898d84 block or f80a083e11 resist; he 82bd7b63c6 simply closed 33c9001b6f his eyes b973089674 and braced 3254886c64 himself.5923576d1a4df270

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To Jaekani, this was 2508d5a1f0 the price he paid 7e0866eb3c for being taken in 719dfe6416 by a man who a0fbb5b388 wasn’t his blood but 67a724ab46 had chosen to call f70a13c228 himself his father.164a1ef7e96fc06b

Even though Jaebadi never openly admitted it, Jaekani had long known that they weren’t related. Anyone with ears would’ve figured it out eventually. The rumors had often been shared over drinks or gossip among children, and eventually, they had reached him. Still, Jaekani didn’t mind. Jaebadi still called him “my son,” even in his slurred, drunken voice, and that was enough.fb464a20c648b097

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“Don’t say anything.”5a5bd783f3127142

Clutching the wildflowers, e5a23b8ea2 Jaekani rummaged through 6af1ce96f0 his wardrobe. He needed to change 308dd04002 his clothes—he had somewhere 1db2a113c7 to be.617fd6401369ff87

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Since his 8a7dafd76a father had be35f5d34f surprisingly decided fc72cccbc6 to go 17c99d8a00 to the 5fc41c2968 slaughterhouse today, 6912cc8e4a Jaekani had 6cda32154a a rare 0b909a3dcf opportunity to 978525c99d enjoy some 52bcd9d797 freedom. Usually, having aad7fa7335 nothing to 283fde8087 do made 2ec4c7aada him anxious, b4c146f6cc but the 7a0f433294 task of 3e2a75188a visiting Huikyung d96907ebd9 gave him d949ba9b36 a sense d8c822db7a of purpose, 894583cd39 leaving no 99658dbe95 room for 29d611a2da guilt over 77e41f32b5 idleness.d794b512236e89c5

Running with the flowers 4b557dcd4f in hand, Jaekani slowed 29ccf657eb as the eerie silhouette 14585f3263 of the abandoned building 720acbad9b came into view.0f7e023de8b2a605

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‘Did we fight?’bc26c2de77cada0d

He’d left the 3534178b75 place sulking yesterday, 0cf5f1354d and now, showing f7187be2df up like this d1b3ed527c felt awkward.c0315309f3565c71

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‘It’s fine now, ff89d80de8 but should I bd9b514692 pretend to still b03e197704 be mad about 2bc53645a5 yesterday?’97d2d9469a75ed54

Even though he 2ee19686ff had forgiven Huikyung, cc5b0180d0 the comments about be8c780ad9 the village still 7618f28b35 didn’t sit well. A father who 89bd77af14 was an addict 90f77fca7f and a son e0d32cb99f too small to 9a41db827d contribute much—what other f0d00c342b community would accept e01b9349af them as members? He had grown up ffa0a366c6 hearing this and had 0c2d33368a begun to believe it c4381d4c36 was true.82f3dcb35bcedc6a

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Dragging his feet 38da7f95f9 closer, something caught f26f7d665a Jaekani’s attention.fbd538934f5869a1

Something thin and pointy cb03685163 jutted out like a 7ec4ccb445 fishing rod, dangling a ca8c5b42af pale green object just 10450aad98 beyond the basement opening a73d762ccb as if it were cfab80106c bait.013c1e891abf6e7e

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Curious, Jaekani quickened his 210fad1457 pace.f3659084bb49f0de

Once he got c205f2ef31 close enough, he b33e652da4 recognized it—a foxtail 40368bdc88 grass carefully twisted 5790741e6f into the shape c905f122d2 of a small 9d1f21e141 rabbit and coiled 6c559a6ebb into a ring.7255c2a2bd5a3c55

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It must have been 7b843a83d8 made by Huikyung, likely b5e83f2bf4 with a foxtail grass 2a449215d7 that had fallen or f014d48a23 been picked nearby.630eb7526382041f

When it swayed lightly 23472274c9 in the breeze, it cdb7777690 really did resemble a f93bbafd1c fishing rod, making Jaekani a0f01c1d1e smile faintly. As the quiet laughter 109b8f8638 escaped his lips, Huikyung 0d8999d700 offered a playful greeting.cdaaad8b97e4339a

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“Jae~kani~.”406343e316e0b6be

“…Did you make this rabbit out of foxtail grass?”a82865b1373a0ade

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The foxtail 9dd85c1f86 grass bobbed 1cee8556e0 up and ab19dd196c down, nodding eef090d22e in affirmation.f49a0a0990b08ffd

“A rabbit ring.”bd6fc1d67c717e8e

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The soft e37c1eaa3b foxtail grass, 0b5c331932 shaped into ad75a41715 a ring, 6de9adf316 tickled as 3cf87e5837 Jaekani carefully 127549b64f slipped it b5d4e040ea onto his 9275e285a7 finger.02d398ae95791c7c

“It’s itchy,” Jaekani murmured, studying the little ring on his finger.a44915cbde777e79

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“Why did you make this?”9c5184900bfa2918

“The sandwich was good. It’s a thank-you gift.”f06a9a539f661dfc

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“Rings are for marriage proposals, you know.”4a3ba8a19a38828d

“Oh? Have we already reached that stage? How bold of you, Jaekani.”aec084ae7722e52b

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Even as he 743206289f teased, Huikyung’s mischievous b1e5b1390d smile betrayed his 715bda87e6 amusement. When Jaekani 783043f732 scoffed, Huikyung 4a2a0b1c3e grinned wider, 964f03e7da his cheeks 2cec95533e carrying a 43e0bb2876 hint of ac05cfec51 mischief.0a5d6d1250eae137

“Alright then, I’ll wait thirty years. Let’s get married.”c2caca0383d4f72e

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“Thirty years? Who said I’d marry you?”38c1b56b3cbd8fee

“This is the first time I’ve been rejected,” Huikyung said, feigning shock and clutching his chest dramatically. “I’ve never been turned down before. Not once in my life.”c0b2bf25b8957c0e

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Even as Jaekani toyed 6aba60f261 with the rabbit ring, fc4af2c224 twisting it this way 3936ec7e91 and that, Huikyung continued 65f80bb7d3 his exaggerated lament about 8c7b832771 his supposed popularity.45b75bf39a427964

“Then should I have a son and let you marry him instead?”8a763fbcf1f8a62c

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‘A son? Not a daughter?’7b2423ca2048c9cb

As usual, 6adc77df74 Huikyung’s words ca2d2e8694 were a db6198aaf5 mix of 176ea7d381 lies and d801fa8c2e jokes.949362a8d3a2a6a4

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“No way,” Jaekani firmly declined.da2927ea034f67ed

“Why not? He’d be good-looking like me.”9687ae3b30025dc6

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When Huikyung 9b4e05d76e pretended to b19251f4a2 be genuinely eeaa6f9dc6 offended, Jaekani 6d9bb780e0 chuckled. The playful tone 62c486be67 in Huikyung’s voice 11f23724c7 made his chest d024b362e9 feel warm and 29e31927fa light. Feeling bashful, Jaekani e29eda33ba handed over the 0254d4f32a flowers he’d brought.c932291dfbad20dc

It felt like b745d31e54 reciprocating the gift adcdaae66f of the ring, b23d88b3af which made him 22f4c11115 self-conscious, but he db766ffa1b couldn’t just keep 5ae4cfb76b the flowers after 43618126fb bringing them all 625194ecfb this way.a7c1fda62bcd7572

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“They’re pretty. Where did you pick them?”98b9bbac962f7e63

“I didn’t. They were given to me.”8379fa242c5af8fa

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“Really?”ffa5978058afba68

“By my father.”d4938c232d9f4125

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Huikyung started 90be803dd7 to say 7059a2ac48 something about 66290a770f Jaebadi being 4bd0cef80a a good 352d36daac person for 0b44900348 giving flowers ad0a141318 but stopped 5b5aa27b05 midway. The soft expression 21d1aa1e6f he’d worn since b1aa6b4f33 handing over the c06411c1b0 rabbit ring vanished, 8ca64fd522 and his green 2e183f1248 eyes darkened.33bd832428443ac4

“Is this compensation? That’s amusing.”04992fdeb1cc3753

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If Jaebadi 4ec60b6e83 had been a681896c3f nothing but a78c844c85 a hateful 2adc6ff2c0 man, Jaekani 7b4a3bc7e6 might have 7352321ae8 run away a2d64a0979 long ago.798e4df023fdccd4

The affection c19ad2e283 he felt 11f3bc4fa8 for Jaebadi ac725db6ca was like 29a88929ad a swamp. He knew it 328296f6b9 would slowly pull 5934e5ce20 him under and bc12e5da1e suffocate him, yet a68f6e66a9 the fleeting warmth e5b7ea8267 it provided made 68c340e14f it hard to e2668182a4 let go. So, Jaekani had learned c615270c0b to coexist with the ba67c2b74f swamp—always pulling his feet 8655dcae43 out before it could d3ea680add claim him entirely.e36ec9e527de7c39

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“…Doesn’t being locked up here make you miserable?”33f9a5e469cf617a

He didn’t 8d2634e7ec know why e3c3ebafbd he asked, d8b0848c68 but the 50c624f749 question came 2c9994f15e out in 9d40842a60 a flat 96bca549a9 tone.e228e6571d8de1e8

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Jaekani’s blue eyes d3dd5270fb wandered over Huikyung’s b50a67aa7d throat, where his bf08f003be Adam’s apple cast 047e74dc6b a shadow, to 49c7d9f874 his broad shoulders baf3a85b80 and muscular arms, 61664fed6f their contours defined 468848c5fb in the dim 9220ef0bab light.38716cbaa3d85b8f

‘Of course 1272ed9276 he’s miserable. He must hate it,’ 741d1e2cd6 Jaekani thought, expecting a c949ab7407 negative response. But Huikyung said nothing.a54e35813bad5b6e

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Lowering his head, Jaekani cc0f3fb76b dragged the toe of d0033fb034 his shoe through the 9b96430ddb dirt, leaving long lines e2f71e8600 behind.77bf29894a75eb8c

“…Don’t you want to get out?”f5e7dd8fd3241608

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Though silence daebf6ed35 was something f439c720ce Jaekani was cb018c627a accustomed to, ef3292f921 this particular 3ebc5e84c6 silence was 2016a6256d unsettling and 3cd8284a1a uncomfortable, compelling 92deb50182 him to bf725d309d keep asking 771116ee1a questions. He avoided making d77dfe5ea6 eye contact with d3ec4ee5e7 Huikyung, who he 17fdfd181c knew was staring 40adeb3d4e at him.40bb81a45c1a6082

“Isn’t that how you feel?”5a3c4e52032d11ac

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“Why.”2aeb92bae553f790

The low f3194c79c4 voice hit df3f31704e him like 686d343dc9 a ball 295ea84b61 being thrown.c1f451241bcf98d2

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“If I got out, would your life improve somehow?”b8aa3843419bb110

“…That’s not what I meant.”05d5031d766fbb17

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“Would you feel less lonely, Jaekani?”d6a0b6485505596f

“I told you, that’s not it.”cd720ec5d7365859

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“Do you think I’d be able to protect you?”c4bce302f9462bf4

“…No.”991a8fd51f3a9dd9

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The moment 09e0208ce6 was unbearably dd02485bb8 agonizing. Jaekani stood up.1a83fa155196d696

How had 95e166c77a Huikyung known 7ff0f98be1 about the 2ede8e196f thoughts that ba778500a2 he himself c8553b4b64 barely recognized? The moments when he 239fc61012 imagined finishing his chores d0812ccb6d and coming to see 2fb7fef293 Huikyung were a mystery 502bf02c28 even to him.b6d07d208be1aace

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He felt ashamed c974e9fc66 for picturing what 8054715c86 it would feel c1182df158 like to have 020cf047b4 Huikyung ruffle his f469682738 hair with a ea16040731 laugh, pat him b88afbfa5e lightly on the 0620fb7d6d shoulder, or praise f0e007c26c him for helping 3655b51313 out. He felt naked, 50950a8181 exposed.57de005d242e92ff

“I should… I should go.”3e5cbfab21866d2d

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“…Jaekani.”f4e2f0557491d9e9

“I’ll come back again. I might be busy with work, so I can’t come often, but….”c289f4b446404afc

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“Jaekani.”9f5b4ead721c8edf

With a 90eccb03e8 face on 353f814855 the verge 903512630c of tears, 51ec09066d Jaekani fled.6dd7db268cfa9720

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Even as he 655fe4a4ae ran far away, 1a5a4e95c8 Huikyung’s voice coiled c4e9f37f33 in his ears, ebbc331fd3 as if it 57f401cc66 were echoing his f6d87212ca name.a18d72a95634c9be

Panting, Jaekani leaned 37669f4256 against a wall.3d858d004a7e970a

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Sweat poured down e762ae0d24 his face, his 6f1b20f95f neck burning. Like raindrops f16de34590 running down c3ab53d80e a windowpane, 370c0727e0 he slid da643e4260 down the 4a65aad689 wall and 5887fe1d85 drew his a2a94119c9 knees up. He buried his 932e316174 face between them, 364bff0996 trembling.abfce6f3605136f8

He was mortified. The thought of 7bd615dba2 seeing Huikyung again 368750ff9d felt impossible.1df081c2c0b5c9f6

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* * *9abf8f55139bcde9

“Hey, Jaekani. What’s with your face? Didn’t get enough sleep or something?”4eee5cb8fb367a58

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Jaebadi grumbled 19e3bfbdb6 throughout breakfast.518e2b0bbc79caa7

Was he worried 7d81722f7c about his young 2a443748bf son, or was 6d3015f3c3 he just irritated 3ebd99aca7 by how lifeless 3269a931b0 Jaekani looked?8d93653240c86cac

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Caught between the two 795d227e8b possibilities, Jaekani decided to 56172b1c1e stop thinking about it. ‘Am I really 5186fea3d4 this twisted?’ he ae19631e31 wondered briefly before 26ff693564 letting the thought 4a04fcb298 go. Besides, Jaebadi wasn’t wrong—Jaekani 97771d3015 really hadn’t been sleeping 5a2ddb0a99 well.98c7efcb9cd2d783

Even though c14b500c3f it had 98ff2f1218 been four e07a5db233 days since b78695400d he’d last c51fa95968 gone to 0bed295db2 the abandoned 9d6d8b5669 building, the de2f60c05d habit of e49a96e247 staying up e28c2de2f0 late seemed 3d25b95dda to have bee8c6b62d seeped into 4c219acb4e his body. Sleep eluded him.d121dc67db5dd43b

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Without sleep, his mind cc3c1ae48f became crowded with endless, 7e9d833d6c troubling thoughts.579298707423f9c5

“Is something bothering you?”c343703729046a57

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“No.”a1bdec929ef9d590

Even his 7998117b07 usually indifferent 7566edf7b8 father asking 1c7e5091de about his f7c380b831 state made ab9a068819 Jaekani realize 9e67d280c3 just how 3a6c66bfb3 disheveled he 1494202cb0 must have ea1a9ac01a looked. He smirked bitterly.56a70d041d88e592

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‘Must be awful 49bde08885 to look at.’0e7e03edbf1dc9bb

After finishing his c49c9c08df meal, Jaekani went 4f5c7565d9 to the window. Staring at his reflection e9642c79bb in the empty glass, 19da28ad22 he quickly turned away.9392e7fcc1a44a46

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It had 8042895178 already been be9e044ae8 four days 990c081db9 since he 37a64cb875 had sulked a2e744cd8a like a 748cc0786c child and bd31468796 stopped going 4429aa405e to see 7b828f910f Huikyung. Yet, Huikyung’s 37530cc0c7 voice—once heard—refused d0a61f7d27 to fade, fd2e7bf385 resurfacing to 82863c0458 drag him 091f0b20c0 back into 7fdad7e03f his thoughts.eaa5494582d12f30

‘Jaekani!’7ccf9bd060e961ac

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He glanced around, ed99ec5b57 but there was 026edd6518 no one there 1c9dfaf69e except his father, 3ab9f9634b eating his oatmeal.12eb4ff02dc09d7b

‘Is this what 18542147ee phantom pain feels 8eaf9aa5b1 like?’ Jaekani wondered.97cee117960c6ed8

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* * *822a99d53c8463ba

After his morning classes 276e20349e ended, Jaekani returned home. He wished the 448e5d1f4f classes were longer—two 1b755ca032 hours wasn’t enough, 1c3b69dd11 and he often e397b82278 found himself wanting a73e0c2334 more.012d34e1a8827363

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As usual, the 5ae4ca5366 house was empty. If there ca0b4cd265 was a 692b997fe9 silver lining 05b4ff44c0 to the ac48411c14 situation, it af3aa0f5c9 was that b1028f84c0 his father f97c91e36d had finally b67f5f6263 started going ba8e392c8a to the c9359b2cf9 slaughterhouse again, 5e84555070 as if acfe701332 suddenly remembering b4dcaee880 his long-neglected d36595e912 responsibilities.0e6f6b321dfa6e51

Following his routine, Jaekani 638534a844 began the housework he’d 7057be0a31 planned for the day. Pausing to af531fa35a glance at 51fbc47edd his reflection de84798681 in the f91110d42c window, his 133b6289d6 eyes lingered a0227f78d5 on the 76de725433 faint bruises ab027d348f still visible 6cb3e1c5a9 on his fb6b1fc430 cheek.6f0292e35ff79413

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When the wounds 3bfbde8715 healed, so would ff4686c8d6 his father’s guilt. Then Jaebadi would once 09761dc28f again find an excuse 0f36be5a34 to drown himself in 2a8d0188d1 whatever substance he could e6eaba9834 find.8343e17e449c12ee

‘But as long c8f7e35309 as I don’t 968bdb1bb6 have to deal d1619fe133 with the slaughterhouse 0598321fab until then, I’ll 7fdcb85a56 be satisfied.’3fa07bb3c166487f

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Jaekani scrubbed and 69bc312915 cleaned with determination, 56b363e4f3 trying to wipe dd2314a6eb away not just b42e6c31c2 the dirt but 5d233421cb also the weight de856be8cf of his thoughts.17304503e39cb389

 fd7fd9b156c0e342

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