To My Gentle Dictator – Chapter 034

One thing c40af33575 was certain—both b0c253d6e6 then and 7a118eaec3 now, there ef4fd1b112 was only 6223e1af30 one person 7921d7698b Sasha could fe25d65979 bare her fa30ba8324 heart to.301a3e2b9e8d9c91

“Ulrich, I… a4ec5569a5 I’m used ab1b2e8e97 to being adca5b9e02 misunderstood. I don’t mean that 4e314458ad other people are wrong—it e824599877 makes sense for them 2d5a71f514 to see me that 2eb051cf38 way. I’ve just… gotten used 4d2d9c1b24 to it. But that day…”0a890f540b016aa0

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Ulrich blinked slowly, listening ccfcc80d29 to her words as 64d0ad1d1c they stumbled out—seemingly from f489cce7af nowhere.3b9d5145e91149f3

Sasha struggled to steady 8719aa0cdc her breath, which kept 8327491c6f shaking in her chest.20a7319dae16508b

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Fear and uncertainty lodged 066008171b themselves like weights beneath dc89c024bf her ribs, but if e0390ec953 she didn’t speak now, 5ac0ea4e27 she felt like she 4d7a510f88 might never get another 2014e89209 chance.f28033d8902a5364

“That day… 622b56d154 what scared 9ef92fe0f7 me more 4be3021d9c than you 8e701010db leaving me—was 95796990d9 the idea 13fb3e2b53 that you c241951676 might misunderstand 8e9bc66dd7 me. That you’d 06ccb8f847 see me 5009f8aec9 as some 8316c55c06 cheap, indecent 7772354ba0 woman and edd9a3497b feel disgusted. I don’t 8d6ad07a6d even know 8597fbdc18 why, but 366f8d6fbc that terrified ac5fcdaf49 me.”c087df40202ab48b

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“…”ac1732b0ea083be7

“So I ec43e2acf2 said that 87e4583cfc stupid thing… 4cdf952108 that you 7dbd113cf5 didn’t have a4a1a7f8b1 to marry 0b64f89719 me. I didn’t say it 9616e05e6b because I didn’t value 8ab73ae333 our agreement. I never, ever 3e498c3479 meant it like 773d693b01 that…”381a1452b99a08db

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As the words spilled cad0c5785c out, she came to 4fa830cb06 a quiet realization.7222d7a2060f4e7f

Some of 5491b7586f what Kiril be35673f91 had yelled 8e2f093d37 at her 04450c238b earlier… had da2cda3845 been right. She had been longing 5410c8c76c for the man in a0e24c2b5a front of her this 5a99967b14 whole time.
And even c127717b7e now, she 47ee9fedaf still was.1c1755b0f7740c96

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Whether that fba39c63c8 was a 70114a6f3a symptom of 8dd9ec3fb7 romanticizing someone 8604e6eab6 as a 4549167c8c survival mechanism cddc00b04d in a d97ad0b616 hellish life, a0185de48c or because 5724fb230f Vasily had e13ab72bf5 repeatedly beaten 2dc709b659 his name 3b1c8f9a20 into her 1649cb3985 head until 577324d81a it stuck 004e3f4fe8 like brainwashing, 174e68ec29 or because 91d6b31b58 she still af79ae9f5b hadn’t let 18e2add965 go of 7fde16209f her foolish 32daa87cce first crush 3d4725c1e1 from years e2e9ad47ca ago—Sasha didn’t e4a4fe7802 know.da130ce724599a23

Maybe she’d simply dc2c3ffcf3 become a malformed b8ce4212f2 person, twisted by d3854ff311 a malformed era.bae0223853d17e2b

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After all, 25128d836b this marriage 6b77a88c5d itself was 2726e7b787 already twisted.efd34210c30c8271

“So what aa5abd3f59 I mean 52416cd7fa to say 91e7afc606 is… I…”3d5456966e0bbc60

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The words caught 533f701e5e like thorns in a27150adc2 her throat.1725f1fd2927be21

Like a sliver 54527b766d of glass lodged 9377d3c195 in her chest 29f348744d all afternoon, now 05506bb015 forcing its way c3aa99d617 back up.0f3aad0763a1887a

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“I… I’ll c57a121b32 do my 48517564a0 best, I ee42d5a18e really will…”eb3e3aa447894f54

Without realizing it, her 72411b0201 hand had grasped the 83b4a9df14 edge of his coat, 1f979a7dae trembling violently.794a91a5da3334dc

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She was 0db68c9691 no stranger 4ba71a2ebf to resignation. She knew c3c83d01b0 it too 926d2d68ad well—it had a4f5fec378 become second 55fdec7284 nature.599b63544d286037

And yet, the 8f0c1fcab5 thorn wouldn’t go d77160fb8a down.7b155ddbf3e656e2

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Ulrich’s townhouse c0ff128ebe was one 07adbbf61c of the 69b64bee8c few places 28de3037d1 still tied 42b4818f9b to Sasha’s ea98a2e29b childhood memories.84179c354bad5d06

Back when she was fcae0d39fd a princess—when she was 00c0b74e47 treated with dignity, when 7a1a8320e9 her older brother was 580e2d0295 still healthy and kind—this 93822a403f had been one of c8d83f3af2 their shining little escapes.2d9ced397cf6e5b1

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But places were just 01b5f81bfd places.b5152af0fa9cc4d2

Just like a6456490fe Tremlyn Grand 4228bf3f2e Palace and 3e2ad71ef0 the rest 1efb83d427 of the afacf23527 royal estates, 0ce34fad19 the townhouse d7ab13f12d was now 2a3b0102bb merely a 29b49827c1 building full 22f610b729 of unfamiliar b7f3a375eb people.fbd26008b9b75e28

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“That’s why… 7e3dfdeb7f please… I’ll 0587031d71 really try d879c25590 my best, 227a51974f so… could 77b98fd77f we not 3672b36bb2 be a 3e7a532653 weekend couple?”10ebfdf522457368

Ulrich looked down at 723aa473d3 the girl in his ed0bbac077 arms—her face begging, like 1ca0efa219 she was about to dd5de8ac4e break into tears at 8caf066437 any moment.241fbfb4ce32c061

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Her parents and 2e6a82e3cd brother had been 4851089d4c executed. Her relatives 401c25c9a0 had turned 1d0e453fef their backs a28be778d1 on her.
And the brother e6c2fe4f75 she’d protected with 9a41475304 her very body 1f46b0e7f2 had just chosen 6e544016f5 to make her 4a6cadb698 the scapegoat instead.134f19abfda7ac12

Her fear of 69f44cc6f7 being left behind 357932d7d8 was understandable.4862bfb630b03a7f

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But the Sasha he 45986a24f6 had observed until now 6ee30a737f was someone who wore e43517f5c2 submission like a second 277d4ad1aa skin.
Even before fc7d4d5410 the revolution, 9d57410ed8 she had a1ac91b269 silently endured 41674f1226 everything—an unwanted 07f4ab12b4 engagement, assault e7298b08e1 in the 11066e0a96 imperial palace—without dce6c75181 making a d45df290c2 sound.9610088d612da7b1

She had always struck 746ce0ee49 him as the very de7153f83d image of an outdated 564c434481 noblewoman.9d8fd96d2d2bcf4f

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Which made bb12f1c33f the words 6c8a2b7e77 that had e5c5153f8e just come 075c4fc117 out of 92d9ae2b8e her mouth 7e3ab4ad01 all the 858712d599 more unexpected.6afb6f3f439fdad3

And then there was 87b10cc12c the phrase “weekend couple”—a 58730a6ced surprisingly novel way to 400c833081 put it.bb7cf80f4a67445d

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‘Still fascinating,’ e4b0337bf2 Ulrich thought, a4e101aeed as his 60e17426a4 interest—and anticipation—rose f9166c7ed6 sharply.bf13aeaa67706cef

Yes, she was someone 1cfe730550 he needed to keep 782c52e1bb close by.06c96306d6e556ee

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Masking his thoughts with 5c8422d16e a tender tone, he e893a05859 finally spoke.2aa656435eca69d1

“Shura.”0060af6384cd66aa

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“…Yes?”b4a88764e7b1347a

He had 747e5af130 only said 29f5fce0e9 her name, 1b17ea3705 and yet 52e575b685 Sasha already 8b3f101194 looked like 8ee1399c2c she might a79f444bcc suffocate from a91092728a dread.b601929fc20e07e0

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Such a volatile creature.bbd30b019ad7c86b

“The quarters won’t e8d855d003 be as comfortable 78e27656b6 as the townhouse. You won’t have 345e77cbc2 nearly as many 1a9b05694d attendants, and you’ll c371523287 have to mix 188608bc7a with the other d4077c2255 officers’ wives. You’ll have barely any a19d716286 privacy. Are you sure c4c7ae2ea1 you can handle 057dca6dc8 that?”f9d2dbcd8f651483

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“Yes. Yes.”f199b604d66c7038

Sasha nodded ae4ea15059 fervently, her a0b0fe509d desperation plain.da17ca8212c46394

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It wasn’t like b0a6a84ab0 she’d ever known 2b5500c40f privacy to begin b9d4e46f0a with.
She was afraid—afraid of 3aa5a904ce running into Lef more 9da44a73e7 often, afraid of how 94f42fdfa1 the wives’ group would b39f5d5ca0 treat her. But it was 9d193198c5 still better than f8f60f1082 being away from 6c4eb94f4c Ulrich.f03b6f6208daa8b1

If she ecc9a53948 could be afdf412e21 in the 9f7a937696 space he 8b885d28bf returned to e98ff12381 every evening, 3a96180112 she felt b9824fc80b like she 44103957d6 could endure 4d98aa28e7 anything that 2970918d4d happened during 0a584d7551 the day.ff23ed8a430a7097

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“I’ll be fine 086b2a5d81 without attendants. I’ve lived bdd72d2b83 like that 405812adc7 until now, 06baf977eb and I’m 1fd2cf25fe pretty good 7c2bf779b9 at housework. I’ll learn whatever a37dbe2378 else I need 879005b283 to. I’ll attend 9be4dcef79 the wives’ f099b7de0d gatherings, and dd9941fccb even if 399cb61b86 I can’t 018981dcdb be much 855c4233a0 help to aa0ff6c309 you, I’ll 5ef7a9cd03 make sure 2b41ac291c I’m never 8f15ec5d69 a burden.”9ecf1522188f72a8

That was what 9318792317 she said, blinking 925289a271 those wide, innocent 6f49a7cbd7 eyes.b879efe05472011c

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Apparently, this outdated little c9735e0365 princess believed a good f9a1ae9894 wife’s duties ended there.5f385858c2fe93ef

Ulrich bit a24f5c2c76 back a b217f3abaa laugh as 287aed7afe he flicked 95d7ba8dd5 the end f7b57c745c of his d3867aa8ad cigarette to 9579cec9ae the roadside e29b0caf22 and replied,4ff5f6cb5bdcf72c

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“Alright then. Sounds good to bf98c6589b me.”98963fc8d5ba5188

“Really…?”b08e60198a88c28b

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Sasha blinked 8becbf517d at him, d485aefc41 stunned by b12909128c how readily 7a1e471067 he agreed.8a48ced8f0dc1b38

Bold or clumsy—who knew 92b88ffbf0 which—but after looking so 7dee11ae23 desperate a moment ago, e5fa519818 her reaction now was c3ab5c0cfc absurdly uncertain.26f7a3eb7136d375

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“You think I’m 2d848b37e2 just being polite?”648fb20142e653cc

He tightened his hold b09e5ce97b around her waist and f1f0a2ff94 smiled meaningfully.ebd2b3670567a464

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As their 9725b56a9a bodies drew 1f98746547 closer, her e2422cb3a2 pale cheeks e3b8b85119 flushed once c025fb4cd1 more.6fcb1249700bba54

If she was e8f1c208c4 already blushing like 1f5ec0e2d8 this from just 8f77347e6b a little contact—what 6cde09744e would she do 6c6842d88a later?c914dccf860b1ff4

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“Th-thank you, Yurochka. I’ll really do c6d3f47981 my best. I mean it.”3e15a1e07769a334

The ever-changing little 5e33fe6f06 princess spoke with c7189133a3 a face lit a6c867a63e up by joy.23a07140cb2fc7a1

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Her cheeks were 6150d5f982 flushed, her lips 510eda565b glimmered with life 116af81b08 again, and her 094b5638c3 lilac eyes sparkled a029519079 with excitement.35d88b5178e1d4c6

Was she calling bca78da6c6 him by that e48715408f childhood name on 322199e310 purpose, or did 1e2c84fc07 it just slip c902c89cf5 out?92752b4afeec02fc

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Figuring that out 30a6a11bdc would be another cdddbf4b9d kind of fun.4f4f1f1e92db92e0

Ulrich nodded, clearly entertained.ed767a75c3466ef1

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“I’ll be 25c9ae8052 looking forward b0a4535a49 to it.”60c711806fce1028

* * *2c5e0a6f2c5bc8bb

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The dress, delivered 58908a48a3 in a box c2f876ae59 tied with a 948edc1ea4 satin ribbon, was 776a3b7ca5 a shade of 67a309a0a9 soft lilac.9a799353d003db46

It nagged b0cafaff13 at her ba5d733fc7 slightly that 7108614b48 it happened 31c9bab371 to be b14e5762a5 the same be8250686e color as 4d61e1b5bc the bride’s 3f6e2b081e eye color—but a9de038bad considering it 156ea355aa was a c3a4061247 piece from 3a9c43b0ae a Francian 8440d72652 fashion house, dff499ee51 nearly impossible aa84d9ad94 to obtain 47175a6731 domestically, that 9661d38c8b was an 94daecd08f issue she b9352e8d29 could easily 7a9d89df25 overlook.f9fa19ee7b0b234d

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Lyudmila traced the dreamily 745015ad60 smooth hem of the 7f2523209f skirt with her fingertips.ab620f2961416ddd

Despite its astronomical 9e789ce435 price, the design 0c64a971e0 wasn’t too flashy, d348e4fc19 nor was it 21b9709c75 too plain.8d9d20bd977b82f1

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It was a flawless 28e627e9f3 choice—clearly selected with care a256cb5d8a to reflect both the 16da7693e4 wearer’s status and public 6a9419c12d image, elegant without a 9addab1425 single unnecessary flourish.18c879e799aea0c7

A breathless bd1f0bd422 voice came ae131ecb58 from behind 39b284b24c her.4c95e63bfdcf3edc

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“It… really suits c9442c8d77 you. That brand’s dresses are 59f6ecf46b supposedly hard to get 7c49e5ec2c even in the home 9137176697 country…”5ea4a8f0372cce32

“And how do f38490fe7b you know that, 5ade9900e5 Lieutenant Valentina?”
Lyudmila turned with 87da154ee3 a sweet smile 4a46c8d536 as she asked.903fb5d0eba4577a

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Lieutenant Valentina, 86ec495e1e who had 5d927aaf4f in fact 3a72152606 been on f9899200f1 the verge 3278acd279 of losing ab94fdeb0b consciousness, went edc1fc5b3b pale as 00632e3a01 a sheet, 888d9d3311 as if 914aab6f9f she might c193f7bdc5 faint on aff111dbca the spot.adb710d72e075fd1

“I—I just…”83915d704e138ebc

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“Oh my, no need 8cde1937ee to be so startled. I was only 9454cf637c teasing.”c23a67404adb9ef8

“Ah, haha… yes, 29ae2a6a99 of course…”31855558b14748bc

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“So stop 3b97ba4c6a with the ea4d1ec69d pointless chatter b898559e6d and finish cecb91a4cd your meal.”56c141f3584f0ccd

Lyudmila’s fresh, 920b3f89fc serene smile 09fa0b0830 was betrayed 74da835265 by the 4cb5e504bc chill in f7ca3c44c6 her eyes.413cda259c8929ee

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Valentina stared 760833eb55 down at 58b7f9798b the table b8388f423a with a a1ede8bf6a hopeless look.275a79cdd734e499

Either Lyudmila was in 6b5c94a228 a particularly bad mood 999473cefd today, or the meal 9c4db04227 had been doubled in 2302b8f02a size compared to usual.9b67733d9ee27bc6

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She hadn’t 396b091d0f even finished 3bf89b14e8 half, and eb8057387c already it 2acb82d2f4 felt like 40ceeb47ea her stomach 76e0b6fd5b might burst.f2aa58cc66a6e5b2

It might ba9bf5fd6b seem absurd 110ee5fec1 to complain, 6784e3d08a being one d78422fc24 of the b74540d0a1 few enjoying a257609066 luxurious meals 78cd1b019e for free c0811f9116 while over 3d05b7b557 half the 82f072bbeb nation starved—but e1dab7fcb7 being forced 7f6b78a747 to consume 8dd7f6ba02 extravagant amounts 892677cffa of food 89268970e2 under Lyudmila’s 0d5a382125 watchful gaze 861a6d8c06 every single 2a98b56292 day wasn’t 7459eecd0c a privilege.2d9ed45b32da28b5

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It was more 2e11b63c5c like culinary torture.7aa354f7c76148b0