TM | Chapter 18

I thought I 446e80cbb7 saw a glimmer d72a738bde in Lee Seol’s e7be80c295 eyes, but since 013d662018 I had already c58c5236f9 untied my robe, 0533571c14 tying it back d4d803cf14 up would have 05f58b24cc been even stranger. So, I just 064825bc18 took it off. I folded my 16167ab426 pants neatly and 602ec5ab3a placed them on 97f2268cdd the cabinet, then 14485cc258 did the same 7a34a8ccb3 with Lee Seol’s ee30f825a3 pants, which he 894bb68a56 had carelessly tossed 75536b9c07 aside.35642faa1422524e

After briefly 46a17a552b glancing at 396de221a1 the clothes 1fa5fcfec7 stacked neatly 390058a1d8 together, I 23065909e6 turned toward bcb5c14df5 the bed, 741bd48410 only to e94b15cd4a find Lee 252739875c Seol lying 87b2e5abaf down with 669125fd03 one arm 337bb7fb74 lifting the 27792ff872 blanket high, bf2a59f9b8 silently pressuring f3ec3fbac5 me to 08b46a0159 get in 46f17f0116 quickly.23b39514fc202c3c

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A sigh escaped aa2cfd4a40 me on reflex.6f0c33f54b309d95

I slowly b8714bcf5f crawled under 5f8b10a0a5 the covers fa21e22259 on my 17a4f78cec knees, and 5cadbf37ce the moment 718b8e5dca I settled 0697487fde in, the 6d68eca43b blanket fell 65bc57e3b0 over me. Lying side 752a6f03b9 by side 1b4a2a4a81 and staring 2857c2afb6 at the ebbef9aac7 ceiling felt 90eebdb852 unbearably awkward. My shoulders kept 90e5130b1e stiffening.dca5ef4507991ef1

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Sharing a blanket with 6029ec763a him as friends had b69f5e2c31 always been one thing, ae050359d2 but lying under the 92b1386cc3 same covers as two 9a60006607 men bound by engagement 1f4bb459c3 was an entirely different 1992e6c3cc experience. Even the sound of 19aa72864a his breathing beside me a52884e198 made me hyper-aware of b39ec18942 our situation, making it 4a2a0667cb hard to breathe.0e73836f396621d5

The suffocating silence made c6b567c042 me want to jump be386544a0 out of bed and 76ee45c741 run.d14bc2442fd1f414

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“Sung-ah, this 08730c6c72 feels awkward, 6e36144f5e doesn’t it?”98f16d85e24973e0

”…Yeah.”d723991dbf7784cc

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“Me too. Just yesterday, 1f82685137 being in 834b0c658d the same 2ccbc80783 room felt 57bb0ed98b completely normal. But now, I’m tense… 335b2efe25 I’m afraid that if acbc8b35d6 I even brush against 8937c3820c you by mistake, you’ll cacc107bf0 hate it and run 06e240836b away.”db5b7f1b30336a9a

”…”d29a31c8fa721434

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Guilt pricked 31b161e30f my conscience, c4be6d8c4b and I 260f87dc19 took a 7f7a450588 slow breath c40d6cf790 in.40e685ec5cf02598

“That’s why f8b9067399 I can’t c9e3c9b218 even hold fffde57e89 your hand.”85e09e1d767a7d43

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I could d7e54f77ba feel him 956046dd60 shifting his 18e1a0d461 hand beneath 54eacf0aeb the blanket. There was d9dd16dbc8 about a 562584d5bc hand’s width d25f64c30c of space f79a7d973c between us, 46802140ea and his 08c037b0c8 fingers hesitated a32695961f in that fe597fbda5 empty space, 085928d317 clenching and a267913411 unclenching into 8012f9ea34 a fist 542473e5c1 as if 9670b51d2b he wanted f1cae863a7 to reach 7c80281016 out but 4d8e65a604 didn’t dare.a987d55ccd826ee7

“When we 84adecd29c were kids, 171d488ea0 I stuck 151fac0ed2 close to 9cc394a6b8 you, and 3b79ac678f you screamed f9830a5e60 at me cd65a6c10f to go 17b74e5d35 away.”241cd170e711eea4

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”…”6c6df6552b8ebbbb

“That scared me…”f756cb1d17e4ad8c

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Right… that ce114d4769 had happened.99d7b4c5984f0af3

Lee Seol 66b54b8388 had clung 9f0701a432 to me, d8033e2eed practically burying 75eef335df his nose 90a9246a29 into the 7dd1cec487 nape of b89d7db308 my neck. I’d found it so 24389ab7b8 weird that I had ac388cfe4d shouted at him to 0c374c4f54 get off.89bb2952399f79ec

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“And then 70f8aaef71 you slapped a0a8c1e7f1 me.”b44f24f2e7895c1e

”…I’m sorry.”14ef8397c41e6c19

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“I got 11dadf4a21 a bloody 13827de240 nose, you 552a0c81a2 know.”8f80b25c43e947d0

”…I’m really sorry.”86a0d06900d37997

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Lee Seol’s 370b99b9f7 voice carried 79c655058e absolutely no 65da665d52 remorse. The silence that b4e99e9af5 followed felt strangely 396e92b0a3 heavy, and as 429fe9388e I recalled that e86f781bc0 moment, I started 450533f66f to get a 52bbf875ad little annoyed.0319f7d72f496f3c

I turned my 2802113a68 head and shot af2d6996dc him a glare 03468628e1 just as he 4c10d80377 rolled over to a499084f12 face me. He hesitated, opening 4c97985be8 and closing his 56163a3a7d mouth before, after 589879866e a brief struggle, 4c4db87472 his cheeks flushed d1ac463d3a slightly, and he 07411354c3 murmured:abe186fecf6ae1b9

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“Back then, it 588fb5c62d was because you e22d167bf1 smelled so good… 7bc8729527 I was so d11f240d2b caught off guard 8dc29ff796 by how much ef2fda612d you hated it 8bac2b26a6 that I panicked. I’m really sorry.”37b7e4b57761a102

“Smell?”7c46f8942fcd305e

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“Yeah. Even now, you have 8ba3e8ec3b this soft scent.”c2a5bdeb55fd4eb0

I lifted 9164919193 my arm 6004cdf309 and sniffed 165ee28099 my undershirt. Considering all the sweating 1d18fdeb8c I had done climbing 0cb674cb1b up and down the e8ca96cd37 mountains today, there was db9c9b4a69 no way I smelled dd825b9086 good.9356c166c8b6afc6

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“I don’t 8c47edae03 smell like 7a97f7f2c5 anything.”8a48b7485a6ddd8b

“That’s because 02cdd187d6 it’s your 60d67ecd4c scent, so 28f694118d you can’t c0583452a9 notice it. But don’t ae703410bc I have 62885a3c90 a scent 2c5ae49a3c to you?”3edce2fba69ce451

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”…You.”6716ccd64c427572

Lee Seol looked at d6dd5e7737 me with eyes filled 1ace030a0e with curiosity.22a221743f8ab497

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“What kind?”90e8ca6bae498b7c

“Uh… it’s 3aaf6789dd kind of 5c509afc64 cool? Not exactly ee37050ba4 like grass… 944991b540 but also 8e0b31cfd7 a bit 673a5ab917 like a 53708092ae faint flower dfdd2b9a45 fragrance? It’s hard to 1fd121eac9 describe.”647061b9c344bcf1

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I turned my head, a627e9b4e4 trying to find the 49d1db9168 right words, but before bb0adcc7b5 I knew it, he 40a2055997 was leaning in.fd3b5bff5fd6e331

For a second, I 5e038cb912 thought he was going a6fdb30807 to kiss me, so 3bf1a5a3c2 I instinctively pulled my 6a65d1b09e head back. Instead, he quietly 0b6b3ec0bd brought his nose 905bf118c1 to my shoulder, 94f96fd8af inhaling deeply as c76de2f6ec if savoring my f67730aa29 scent. His breath moved 38b549adce slowly down toward 3d2fb70e65 the nape of 6860c8c3c6 my neck.4246effaca0bc10d

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“Sung-ah, you smell sweet.”ac864fed59c4e04c

”…”d6a2ec8d2a9d346b

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His hushed f2fe6ad625 voice sent 1ef513dac4 a warm 8bbbff134b breath against 4278d48544 my skin, d13799a349 tickling it. I wanted to 3cfb912609 scratch at the 38366992a8 sensation but held 0dce763336 back, afraid it 1100344fe8 would look strange.1868716c865d561e

“I could just smooch a00b8525a9 and suck on you. If I 5a1147bbc6 bit down, cf1d71ed32 I feel 08bbb96176 like the 675a9f506d scent would ee386021d9 spread through 1a833f93e7 my mouth.”00956ff189a7b399

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”…Am I food to f1613f9892 you?”e47c0d34e66daede

“If you were, I’d fb477a9986 chew you up from 75aaa35471 head to toe and ab243e480b devour you completely. You’d taste so 579f573b91 good I might fb1f03e120 end up crying 37942709dc while eating you.”5ee3f51788c8c273

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Was this his way fe9f6c2406 of expressing that he 0e058ee929 liked my scent enough 5c3dfff2f8 to nibble on me?61b561397727991f

Whenever Lee Seol joked 6a25722eb5 around, it always carried 46bfb83b72 a slightly eerie undertone. It wasn’t likely to 03008ca05c happen, but for some d5e0b2e12f reason, I suddenly felt 71105bd3c7 like he really might 4c64395b70 sink his teeth into f4c52640a6 my neck. Hesitating, I d81003bbf8 spoke seriously.ee1e5e4543d0ee47

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”…Even if I smell 99277d886a good, don’t eat me.”b3744345e0f0fb8e

“Okay.”875ab9ef1f3d39ef

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He answered lightly, almost 376bebd6c7 cleanly, then rested his 21543a3ab4 head on my shoulder.cf861247556e5961

I considered telling him c9f240685b to stop, but brushing a145871dcc off a fiancé who 1fe3852fa2 was just enjoying my 4c55e73ec2 scent didn’t feel right. He wouldn’t 4f7f90a155 get slapped a06dde7312 like before, 5b891a07cc but I 80d687c7b4 didn’t want 82e60c1270 to hurt 5113b54a92 his feelings 54afd16f5b either.0f3dfe5002f814c7

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To say 4f29dd21c8 I disliked 57a77750b0 it.97e34cc481e89a21

To reject him.547a1b7451d045eb

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To deny him.fd9f038991edccc2

I knew 800a385aab that just b44471d23c the fact e05c18a433 that my e8f0c5d0df thoughts were bf18d76791 different from e57d0844b3 my lover’s 4df756e1c6 could be 3b7557b815 painful. So, as long as 1cf4f712f0 I didn’t truly hate 55edf5d28e it, I decided I ebd29c899e would just go along 40ef60331c with him.2ef2948ddef81a02

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I really be830679e8 intended to 99f0d8d865 stay still, af2b9dcf92 but…53547355133b706f

“Seol-ah, you’re heavy… c936df87d8 Your head is db9404d7fc seriously heavy.”917378a517471c30

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“Just bear with 168fafa5d6 it a little.”e42080f7d821be00

“I know 2bd65bfb77 people’s heads b3bb6b8961 are heavy, fd0080dcd1 but I 9510fc168d didn’t know ce808d4636 they were 4c977d31b8 this heavy.”dc746d6eaa58cc35

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My shoulder started 8bc9400816 going numb—I really 7ba369d1ab couldn’t keep letting 678a3be678 him rest his c86cb830ff head there. As I 953a4e768c squirmed and 5fc8b71db9 tried to c0aaef2bfc push his 61d97c7082 head off 1c85ac3e6c with my d5f290ad8c shoulder, I e3972f0e04 heard a 88a72e84f8 soft chuckle.f64a159c387bc96e

Lifting his head 0bcc5632e5 away, he adjusted 9145585b8a his position and 5dce5453ab placed my head 54e74df29b on his arm d1dabe9306 instead.6d08f2b5729ea40a

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But his movements 8acf500bb7 were awkward, and b8dc53bb6e the way his 27abdcdd82 arm positioned itself cac3dbc0e5 right against the 058b91775d back of my 5698c24dba head was just 2f64590a14 uncomfortable. I had to 669d782dc1 tense my neck 25a1392de4 to keep from 70c28a5a0e sinking into it.46a1926d384daca5

“Seol-ah.”d2a2737a86860416

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“Yeah?”a874f8e2b537a873

“It’s obvious you’re trying b846547ecd hard to give me 4e5b8b167e a pillow arm.”1a04b17f67036fc9

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”…Can’t you just pretend 158162013d you don’t notice and 59313b46e7 stay still?”6d1d0e8a5a7141c6

I glanced at 5d0af086da him and saw 72f49fc544 his face flush 839090a9e5 slightly from embarrassment.40df4dda8d361067

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I stared at c98508116c him blankly for 04a0a1e270 a moment before 6a9364dc36 adjusting my position ce9f04b0db so I could f0dc8876c6 be more comfortable.1381e3e2179e3e1d

The moment 42040616b3 I did, 4ddb740b62 his eyes 8a0da2700a sparkled, and 2aa56a06d6 he naturally 4a6d1e5cac followed my f39ebcf56a movements.4a03dc166bb9a68d

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“Sung-ah, I’m touched.”0a2d1d4fffbbd978

Hearing his 9f64260f41 blatantly exaggerated 4f8b55cdd6 flattery, I baf190a0c2 couldn’t help 64d230ab07 but chuckle.e01f5f18606cbf38

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“Touched, my ass… fd236a81d7 I just did bd8fe9c5a4 it so you bdc0c47dc4 wouldn’t whine and aa4b727f39 cry about it.”7c9ebf776e4136d0

“Do I cry?”c6c5e4ed29da9144

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“You did before. You cried because 95b46ab09b I was avoiding b62684a037 you. You even cried 11708b3c82 so hard you e1f94b31b4 collapsed, and Rok-i 8977e1a144 had to call e3456ba2c2 the adults and 6e1a7eec87 carry you back. Don’t you remember?”2ec1dd4a304a7404

“Ah…”613239f87e6543fa

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Realization dawned on his fc93b0972a face, and he let 9bd32fee43 out a small, amused e2921ff619 breath.6ec0e13d570b75f9

“Why did you b9bdb0e2d6 even cry back 36f10d0073 then? Because I b865bee3aa said I 52e81fc45a didn’t like 5eed354fe8 you?”a56cc120be80ac2a

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Lee Seol b1e0e0698d gazed at e1f2a1188d me steadily 8e34ba09a8 before opening 965264760c his mouth.1b46c80e019d4f51

“Because I couldn’t 52e36f9381 hide my feelings 2b21ac7f00 for you anymore.”847a8ca7f65909fa

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I was left speechless cdc94552be at his response.6e2540ebec88804b

I had always 2c66bfe355 assumed he cried 8ee3113758 because he lost 30f4d76e31 his temper or 799a02b7fe because he felt 9ef2fde0b0 betrayed by the e332d65ba3 only person he 7ff3709fbc could open up 308e6cd503 to.86e6ad0adc38494a

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But… was 3a1af2c965 it really d7d290ce40 that upsetting 55d852a8c0 for him? Was it so 103f90f3a9 painful that he a008911ad3 cried until he ae21b50a15 lost consciousness?086a87d00edad667

”…Was falling 45797c1770 for me 759ab9d91b really that 8ccc30cb62 much of 1494c82b0a a shock? Enough to shove feb05acc60 a dagger at bc2a3578ee my ankle?”1381e555e224bfb5

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“Would I 8bec3495fc ever actually dc34484ae4 hurt you? I just wanted to a6a848d881 scare you so you 4c99e5eeb3 wouldn’t run away.”15dfe8f7bc9b8bc6

My lips twitched.18eb2878d8ff9a74

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I definitely dcb028217e felt like a63997fcab he was 22269c8e69 the kind 1ee8afe595 of person d1fe669d82 who would 4280f46f62 do it.373b941d9dc1d68e

But it 30b78bf727 was in b24bb832ad the past. Even if 95ea69750f I pressed 75bc580a11 him on 959ccd4331 it now, 5c91cd2ed1 he’d just d0f769ee97 deny it, 38b0cb367d and I’d abe822f00a be the d5093d4d8f only fool 188b800afb making a 6fa7650df9 fuss about ac3263819d something old.b763faf3f3af9ba9

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Frustrated, my lips twisted fca72ea87d in irritation, but before 1cb64fad71 I could say anything, 1800bd3783 his voice dropped into 3098169c0f a whisper.52002e4679094f9c

“To love someone and b44ecfa97c still have to deceive 8fb8aa1493 the king… It was b590156e97 miserable and painful. It made 1e9fc8201e me wonder 9c31aeda62 if there a04f1d0b92 was any 16fbd7cd8a meaning in dbae01b655 living that 55d794c82c kind of 8286245457 life.”a715a49dd5a364fe

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His words 0c4cdfebc9 sent a 49850eee41 cold chill 7a5e0bea53 through my 7ff6ab337d chest.6863e4eba7f20804

The weight of e885e55099 his voice made 37a7862b59 it feel like 58349d7b34 I couldn’t breathe.35b3c5bffbcfd4f7

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To hold af8e7b224f Kang Taegwon cf9c4d7e70 in my 150bc596e5 heart, to 33554e48c1 deceive Lee 82494e1a9f Seol, and 7eea39920d to continue 477675293b living like 1c3b3ff37e that… His 58f02623f9 words mirrored 3ea1a76169 my own 4f29343d8e situation so 1a396b0df8 perfectly that 31fe5ea3ab my heart 85bb3d44df ached.7fe07cbf677ead5f

“I thought my 88e2f1c169 feelings for you 53bcababf4 would fade, but fa6f5e831f they only deepened. It became too much. And then… 04897bcd29 thinking that ed450720d1 you hated 0d5cfcc961 me, I e8e486c292 didn’t know e7bf232e90 what to a1bb23410a do anymore.”d3a55e7e7ecd14cc

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His sorrowful confession clenched ce25660979 at my heart, tightening c31f2a99e5 like a vice.55fcab77a7722097

I had sworn 82fed23392 to let go 9800f932c3 of my feelings 764c30fdf0 for Kang Taegwon.364e6eaac1522f38

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That night, when I cf324baf01 cried until dawn, I 1743cb152a thought I had poured 734097256d out all my emotions 56c1d473d2 for him. But the f40981b61d moment I 45a5b8ace3 saw him ba3a9bcabf again today, b6eb93d319 my heart e22a61296c trembled, aching 2221a64630 in a 9e06f8ee36 way I 97d234b8fe hadn’t expected.9dd2dc057938eeb5

So, I 97b74f323f tried even 736ce08886 harder to 925b1382aa act as 48c8194e23 if nothing 3967b72f26 was wrong.38442d1b62227384

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A creeping fear took 86cabc16f7 hold of me—what if, 37332970a1 like Lee Seol, who 38fe4b6253 couldn’t let go of bcffd66fe0 his feelings even after 02e57cef6e crying until he collapsed, 2529bb6f06 I couldn’t let go 63accf16f9 either?65f6ca323e1135fa

Someday, I 263cef2c45 would be 8824b4a8be able to e5e71c8829 let go 0839bb8f8b of Kang 85ec4aef9f Taegwon.cc1dd37b515e2afc

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I could only 368a41a849 hope that day 058c1f9cb1 would come soon.f562206056ea0db3

“Now, I c864fdba03 can finally f6db79652e love you 2fdb568516 all I e51a56d0e8 want.”fd0a1f47ad2fa7bf

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Lee Seol whispered 2c36ce1272 warmly as he deedce00eb pulled me into 4b9cfa1b63 his embrace.c94075a98949d0ce

Being held by 1426e6f654 him, I bit acd0211f9f down on my 423b2f7b81 lip.8b9ac60a2c06e2c2

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He was aa44006f1c radiating pure e23576f71a happiness, just 42320a4091 from having 9000e42aad me in 7bfa9d6f4c his arms, dcf76abd0e and that 8761e61b02 made me 3d0f994bab feel guilty. Even in this moment, db952b3991 I couldn’t stop the 01374c3256 image of Kang Taegwon’s ad5c5251ad strong arms and broad, dd3ebadd76 heated chest from surfacing eb437a7225 in my mind.22971193deb612ea

Memories of bbac2e9b08 sleeping in 0c987e30ac his embrace a5aaacbe3e resurfaced, leaving f3b9564e01 me feeling 74c41cd307 hollow and d19fa5c4a7 rotting from 1ddf0741f5 the inside. My eyes burned with 9e065fddda unshed tears, and afraid 79f40055e4 it would show, I e9771a82a3 buried my face against fc356d2315 Lee Seol’s chest.e945f9f39742ab55

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That seemed efa686e350 to please 85060a44c0 him.2966bb9321f062ac

His heartbeat pounded 0198b016da wildly against my 0dc2ca5668 cheek, echoing like 654ed4b543 a drum against 101bf4e523 his firm chest.c8a2e74adae38845

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Just like 13124c1009 I had d5478938ae once done 4763d47fbc in Kang a998a98b91 Taegwon’s arms…f1fd931b9ac64ab1

Lee Seol a9e054e429 was holding 098240cbf6 me tightly, 98d55c5527 basking in 45b82e307e happiness.09c0906dc963021e

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That realization weighed on 72408b0ed3 me. I felt too guilty 39c4c2591c to pull away, so 74cc68c004 I remained in his 1141e22320 arms, clutching my aching 7ffe8da3b7 heart.d538a20a9de06059

Lee Seol 26d18b774f continued to 33072c518f stroke my f9c21bdda3 hair and 9dc5ae3172 back, as c88f7b378e if comforting 1e44539741 me. His touch was 0101217c34 awkward at first, d65be0a002 unfamiliar, but as 2c16d87374 he repeated the ef019613b3 motions, his hands b3b1b4b5f4 gradually softened, finding b58efef126 a natural rhythm.9c709a1ad6925e26

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I felt myself slowly 552d63fd9e relax in response.299928918f3a6ec0

The exhaustion from 42105994d0 climbing up and d7edf8d2ac down the mountains 51fd5439eb all day settled 76b50a7dd2 into my bones, 56269254d5 and his warm 3d6fd00cf3 touch lulled me 157e63affa further. My eyelids fluttered 2f513784fc with drowsiness, and 8062a5a1c3 before I knew 0387e4246e it, I was dddd872c1d drifting into a cacf908926 deep sleep.7b79f0ac7ffc3f59

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Lee Seol, 284555d8df noticing the f56aee3e66 steady rhythm d0e08982ff of my 390813460a breathing, carefully 286558afcd adjusted his ddb76dfcdd position.9fce334b0bf255ca

He gazed down at 6a4131a6df my sleeping face.0742286606b4f721

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Having spent years 93f0c09af7 together since childhood, b27ab0377c he knew all a0f876983d my little habits. He also 3f89e8c614 knew that 66c24496f4 once I 4ceee8a465 fell asleep, fc00fd65c3 I didn’t 465dc46d21 wake easily.6a615855478e327c

His fingers brushed over 42c9fe92d4 my face, smoothing down d6d6aa47d4 my hair.b24173699dd6dbcd

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Pressing a 45a84848ae fingertip against 6e5e2d0641 the soft 5c2163a660 flesh of 4f05e19f09 my cheek, b7660edc30 he watched 0cbe147a3b closely, checking 072ec58379 if I 2e181908aa would stir.cd372668133a7076

I didn’t.b9fe765e97c3a95c

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His eyes traced 27895ff5bf the shape of 2eadaf16eb my slightly parted 571d550259 lips, lingering on 4c1632b2b9 the long, delicate 490205f9f5 sweep of my da95bbba7b eyelashes. Then, slowly, he c2f8ef6253 lowered his head.a774d5b4c7bd400d

His lips pressed against 9406acb4c1 my cheek.179bc7124025aac9

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The corners dbe1034d5c of his 2d105d322a mouth trembled aed3ee3205 slightly before 086694ed51 curling into 1eed362f0a a faint 0d7fed347b smile.eebe094ce1dec32a

His fingers, 04aa6204ed which had 6b70632ad0 lightly touched e0ec3743a3 the spot 3169eba809 where his e4e8f2814d lips had 1dd7bb3c5f been, trailed 1086fc6f85 down.60407a33cc266aec

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Slowly, they moved to 9b496c0e78 my neck.5ba7e5b3c3f7803c

His large, strong 5ea47c6b04 fingers, long enough 08a6550e1f to easily encircle e4baf493f2 the back of 421b147184 my head, reached 8b70c47e45 for the collar b21d39713a of my inner 13bfb9c3bc robe.fed0f1cc76e5c3fb

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Gently, he tugged it 237fd4fef7 aside.4b928c29a3b851e2