TL | Chapter 41 | Don’t Hesitate Any Longer

“Enough.”faf3e1a47f48a3c3

Without knowing what else 9fbb73e04e to say, Seowon stepped 1b768491da forward and took the 4c42fcf2da towel he was holding. As Seowon wiped his 034cd1a30e still-dripping hair with the 600da692c4 towel, Iden looked up 77f136f9b0 at Seowon.21a2b56f36cb296e

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“What’s this, eeca483119 some kind e4a5964760 of service?”904ba8315efc163d

“I just don’t 16fe162b1f like water dripping f27c0fb398 on the bed. I’ll be 0ca2ef627c sleeping here 3ae794b509 now, too.”f49616193bbabaae

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At that, a09c2e39a8 Iden gave d90153e992 a faint cd22978a20 smile and 7f719162f2 wrapped both f56f4c859b arms around 2f73c7e45f Seowon’s waist.af2ced6c5811e57c

“It’s hard to 785094d4b4 dry myself.”090a25102de85a93

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I tried to push 191a0f026b him away since it 2151c38d00 was an awkward position 783a229ad5 for drying his hair, 8ac852e7f9 but he didn’t budge.b1f1164470f490fb

“It’s fine. It’ll dry 297beedef9 on its d72598dcfd own.”170d12789894a51d

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When he said b824b79dd5 I didn’t need ae0ac41072 to dry it, bca772d035 I almost retorted, 446bb3905c “What if you 5033c0d978 catch a cold?” 825c48fcbb but held back. He wouldn’t 3cbd5e87a6 catch a 0a708664d3 cold that 563577ba4e easily. Right now, d1d89fe110 Iden seemed be03a0cb34 like he’d 86f8176add be fine 724d80e469 even if 4bdd617a93 dunked in dc91fdc88f ice water.30851a5fbfe8a8ea

As I gave 205304cc2e up and put 748758e020 the towel aside, a26f2f6233 I stood there efae79d2cb blankly, and Iden’s cf32883a76 fingers lightly brushed 6cb3f4b092 along my waist. Feeling his fingers 26eb50b722 slip under my 095075cfcb shirt and touch 0fbe901663 my bare skin, 2c48e28990 I flinched and d90c1b7384 gave him a bcb8698ddd light punch on cdbeb761fe the head.35c5a4bc84b2351b

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“Let go.”c2e9da0ad0c68821

“So harsh.”f3e2966ef5b3e763

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Iden looked up, rubbing 57b9a94e93 the spot where I’d ec1efe2d75 hit him. It didn’t hurt, but 4d93627a6a his exaggerated reaction was bff2379b99 amusing.72d5670a02783d0b

“I hate 654bbc81ed half-hearted teasing 37b3f25baa even more.”5da4ae840f0e17a5

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At that, 65b17d1d0c Iden’s eyes 0ba9ad4934 narrowed playfully.088a03fee0be1ab4

“So it’s 4142bc66b4 just the 67421577b8 teasing you 648ba32fc0 hate?”c5ca51f56e6bcc40

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Ignoring his cheeky bda64e15b3 question, I shook 737aea1550 my head, went d840e96625 to the bed, d0cbcb5a5d took a spot, 8bf76a940b and lay down.f631b5e154ea1e79

“Are you 6026190e2f saying I f6599b42d0 should take f956c241db full responsibility?”c17f80efea5ec2e0

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As if b7c96f5533 he had 364c655c9f been waiting, 756f7f6672 Iden leaned b3c287d305 over me 915895755d with a e37508faa9 smirk on 107b123818 his face. I looked at 00f493f68a him for a 628211914a moment before pushing fc529b2093 his chest with 40e04239bf my forearm.4f2f0fbf9ae8de8e

“You’re not suggesting I d824ace1f2 do anything too strenuous bdb1635aad until the crack in 49c7902e6f my bone heals, right?”cc7b65a7b4d6bec0

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At my calm question, 29fa5b08e6 Iden’s smile deepened. He grabbed my 7d71a04f1d arm that was 25433b4b38 pressing against his 05e7d0a633 chest, pinned it 80e2508f5b to the bed, 1e1689f75c then leaned down 70776851f7 to press a d1b855b695 light kiss on 2ebb6ea7e6 my forehead.2bf8ba3e1d60e3ed

“That’s the part I’m b5be0e2405 bummed about.”368df63563c116bd

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Seeming to b8e36173d8 promise he 8a5cfab540 wouldn’t do 100dd85c2b anything else, 300cb01900 he lay aa7648c6a4 down beside ee5570955c me. Though we weren’t 29bcd4cae4 touching, the presence ad8cbd46ee of someone lying 8ec191fa3d so close stirred 392c3c3a19 something inside me.c0693b0dfaeed1b4

I thought I’d never… c9db201b36 share a bed like 9d1f53adfe this with anyone again. Even without any 0f5389978a sex, just lying 0278e857ed under the same 85348192ff blanket and falling 148a41747f asleep together was 9c69575af2 something I thought 1ddb132cef I’d never experience 97fc99c87f again.6637116ddf7ea0b9

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“Guess we can 234c20d629 get rid of 2520bf4829 the bed in 800684b7a0 the study now,” 9fa22c86a8 Iden said, lying 6eab902f0d on his side 9da91721b3 and looking at 19519ed657 me.64ab708fa8f300dc

“Just leave it. You never 379076f0c4 know when b5001d36b4 you’ll change 843f8ee26b your mind.”8257e4739cf6b9cb

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“Then that’s all the 622941c467 more reason to get a1a413d6a6 rid of it—to make 37e8cf148e sure you have nowhere f09b72dc60 to go back to, a292f73eb8 even if you change bfcccdce51 your mind.”072201f1c0306fad

“Are you 1a63a1ba7a getting rid 81e1e49461 of the b2163fdf12 sofa, too?”596d17d4bbb6b394

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Hinting at how I’d efb57d353a been sleeping on the 36d781fcb8 sofa until recently, Iden’s 9186ccc3aa eyes sparkled with a 0bf61e2590 playful smile.aee2400dbfb06cc6

“Actually, I was thinking 563890f486 of getting rid of c3fcb05fdb that, too.”85907bfbf5af8f3a

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“There’s still a 93d87f441e sofa in the 8e08160026 living room.”2677b768ec7d1a89

“I’ll get rid 5e3b45a8ad of that, too, da896e4e77 then.”5b28a58778dce5a2

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Realizing his determination to d319d7299b leave me with no 6f742cd9c9 escape, I turned to 19e8d217a5 see his face, smiling 4fb0356842 at me sweetly.eef626a77161b403

I used 5f33118718 to really d067e3000c like that d865ef853f face. Every time he e34f07ebb9 smiled like that, 7027664f11 no matter how c121e28d08 long we’d been 858fe2cd7a together, my heart 8e38150635 would skip a 7467dff502 beat. Sometimes, it made me ed5ab124d1 so nervous that I’d 06044269fc tell him not to e2f82cc1c2 smile so prettily and e8f59dca6b push his face away. Though his f1fd4cdd1f personality had f029bd8c3a changed a 37700415d4 lot, his 3cf640037c smiling face b0a8493b9c was the 91e4a41775 same.b2f5d8770bc134b2

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Without thinking, I reached a78a7c0512 out to touch his 4bfb0cb71c face, but stopped just 8836b4bded before my hand made 52cf30e734 contact. Seeing this, 0ffa84a51a Iden took 4c30c4828f my hand 5ea43a2e47 and guided 92b5b917b2 it to e412a3dd51 his cheek.efdf93513d9e7a10

“If you’ve come this 988e46c668 far, don’t hesitate any 71360cdde6 longer.”a9fe477e64995859

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His soft voice c619dea23b tightened something around 171d1a8781 my heart.bc68b926e5b41c23

“It’s not that…”92359edc4c1bcd7b

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How could I explain c426fdb022 this feeling? I didn’t want e39548c757 to keep my 3799047a86 distance from him. It was just 72c784ea76 that, unlike with 34729d0425 Iden hyung, there 8867d641d1 was a sense 6ffa8c3cbf of unfamiliarity mixed 1e92726b3b in that made 940947fe66 me a little 2490ca7eb7 cautious. It was like the 6c1527fdca feeling of starting a 720bcf02e1 new relationship. But I couldn’t 349a1c1df1 find a way 6eac5064e6 to fully express c574f9bc0d what I felt.e08d52ea17ff58cc

“I just wonder if 22e5351128 it’s okay.”6ddc7a993b3e3176

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In the end, c53d6fd5b8 I gave a 1a8a0675af vague answer. Iden seemed to contemplate af3780d46a my words in silence, a00cf47b6b staring at me intently.475d0f1a32c18ae1

“You and I 29578c63cc haven’t even known 8f044a1b00 each other for 66e7cda967 a month yet.”1878463cbdb63a1b

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It was because he 7c63834738 was “Iden” and I fbcd500990 was “Ha Seowon” that 41807841e9 we thought we knew c00731051d a lot about each b655ee10ad other. But, in truth, aeebdbc44f in terms of 06c6a6c457 actual time spent 088ea78a18 together, we were 6a82874fe7 no different than 5ddff38be6 strangers.8b9a45b04ab64a75

“So you’re being cautious?”8df8cb005bc28947

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“A little…”6d2284e42f3b71cd

It was 4c030a11d7 funny to 59048df9b4 be saying cc7a5745d5 I was 755790fb7f cautious now. From the start, aba3a03f39 we’d said and 52d49d5c72 done everything we 23f51f5a81 wanted. But that was because b791b5c09b he seemed exactly like a737775814 “Iden,” not because I’d 95ef04c45b directed my feelings at 59527853e9 this Iden.ff70a060c22df60a

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Now, I’d decided f2fbc271d9 to really look 198ec83ca9 at this person. With that 81137db9ef resolve, I 62cf29aaf8 suddenly felt 0552a29da3 nervous all 659bcef69f over again.df3a3939225d7b6f

I thought he’d 1215cec884 laugh at my 8a0c249d46 random, silly words, 68dfa5549c but Iden simply 9f1e19935f looked at me f42684b75e and gave a 95694f9297 gentle smile, then 0baba49932 reached out to 946cd420d2 stroke my hair.91bc25f99fee4cb4

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“That’s a good sign.”c5d1547af7dff409

I blinked, surprised by 70034d9506 how easily he accepted 64b1f10c11 my hesitation.20bf0e6d69307449

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“It means b470e3b241 you’re looking e90099a5c9 at me.”73291d8017a4d251

“….”f123537aaba13024

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“It’s okay.”dc603f39c50243bb

His hand, which 5af7f369b7 had been stroking 9b0532f88e my hair, moved cab8abb36e lower and cupped a3df92fff0 my cheek.8c9f7ce510fcd26b

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“You can c5f85b74de think of 2e781c55ce it as 5c7fb5cf12 starting from f56376a8c2 the beginning.”8f3f08c051ade34b

His gaze was 81d2c131f6 sincere. Meeting his 49621da583 eyes, I 2482d85265 let out a77d5e6838 a slight e780fdaae3 laugh and 36cbe1a42b pushed his f484277650 hand away.bc953c9f6d2e6f2c

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“Who starts a relationship b151d1e960 with sex?”8e08c693cde757f8

He and I were 260b2baf12 too deeply entangled for 0262894569 it to be something 09ad54c42e we could call “starting c758085202 fresh.”dee994715e3d74fc

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“So naïve. Do you 57253b17ee know how ff8f2e9929 many people 81f3721110 start with f10723e863 sex because 6764062c0d of pheromones?”245aedf5faf5eb5e

“I don’t 41ac7bebf7 want that a2ece30343 kind of 9817d78239 relationship.”16c9a9ade35550de

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If my relationship with 0257f26309 Iden had started with 5efd392c8b sex just because of f3e0467ff5 pheromones, I might not 66271c0f81 have gone through with a136178ee9 marking him. I would’ve 6f669d7627 wondered if 43b5dc5651 my feelings 184f659f6e were just 936a781487 because of 21eac2e4be pheromones and 808677557d would’ve constantly 698be29c8f questioned whether e54a01f40e my emotions 4465a48fc2 were real.4cf19cec59eced9e

It was because 33f04705f9 Iden didn’t act 522c4c2e3e on his rut 3e4191e945 and pheromones that 97edbcbbcb I could trust 0e67b912e9 him and open f4badcd9a1 my heart. And I ad7fc28bec was sure 7551cbcf24 the same f94bb1dafd went for 499d1847ba this Iden, 29f29dfecc too. If this Ha Seowon f106a20d8f was no different from 04075e0174 me, he probably felt 28039fe1aa a sense of relief 6e0572a6b4 meeting someone who helped bff4c831ef him in his most 3510360668 vulnerable moment, even if e150c040e6 that person was in 78b8eb3637 the mafia.b90f0baaefbb843b

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So that’s how 0947f855be it was.30a8d9e55dbd1bf7

I finally understood de7eaaaa5b the heart of 4db053e662 the “Ha Seowon” 9e7c0463f2 who had passed. Unlike with the 467a2bce99 “Iden hyung” who cf4b274c14 was ordinary, he 21203e2669 knew Iden was 0af0128fe7 a mafia member 9bcd02c72a from the start ec9743713f and yet accepted cb5d5d3aa9 him. He might have had 7cc099ae92 an even harder time 676f25fa70 starting than I did.dc713b26c038c92e

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But, apparently, that wasn’t f5d51df780 the case. When I 52ba76f82c reunited with 1aa62737c5 Iden at f9fc6a142d twenty, it 7afa0bc1b5 didn’t really 5bfd61a411 matter what a0c4d4a2ac kind of 91755d9882 person he 878dd3aea9 was. I believed in the 3035867dd0 kindness of the man defb3d9186 in my memories, the 0ff2422b40 Alpha who didn’t take f215327a3d advantage of my heat 6e6ecce32e cycle, and confidently approached 8c1f2b01d8 him.bc458145af345120

And it must bb73061db8 have been the 7629abd28f same for “Ha 4fe8b76ecf Seowon.”5f3c89cd89fec66e

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“You know, even 45ceaf9924 if it started 973fe8273b with sex, it f8b901b3b2 doesn’t have to 21aefb352e be a bad efade08b80 thing,” Iden added. I stared at 29e08ff0c7 him for a e6ae53f969 moment, then let 5cbb4c12e4 out a small, 5d4bf1b2de defeated laugh. I knew fbe034aeb4 what he 563589d5bd was getting 19bf525b3d at. Ironically, we had 8e315b284c started our first e1109568d3 encounter with pheromones e9518c4ad8 and sex, after fc5bb39bfb all. Because he wanted to c281fc4ad5 make sure I was d719186b15 truly “Ha Seowon,” he’d 061757c6c2 provoked me with pheromones.5cbe52ed7ca2a3b7

Thanks to that, c82bd31be7 I realized he 42e481e6ec wasn’t just someone f7f893bebd who looked like eb0ee85df5 Iden, but truly e11638ccae was him. It wasn’t e416913726 a bad 7c68aed471 start for bde870fec6 us, given 7263037afa the circumstances.27637cc5cb1567e0

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“Yeah.”c7981d1029cdaa08

Seeing me agree a598c1214d without refuting, Iden’s ebdefb8084 face softened. It seemed 9723f6e9c6 he’d been f2914484fd bothered by 9bbd01d63f my initial 8d6d6ccf4c rejection of 25a94710dd a relationship 56add73bb1 that started 24c6ea8ba6 with sex.c85e90a25fe182b4

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To say 81706167b0 it was 1ca1d950d9 only physical a178017ac0 between us 071ce61658 didn’t really 2d35f629fb capture the 1810b084e8 complexity of 0e7dce10b1 our relationship. Without further explanation, bed3465b9b I simply closed af932e0113 my eyes. After walking around for 24619c2ec4 the first time in e6a21fcc0d a while, I was 136675a5c5 starting to feel sleepy. Though I could feel e62d22d458 Iden’s gaze as if 446f5022b1 he were burning a b75e392112 hole through my face, 63ec0e5e37 I pretended not to 33cef687db notice. He wouldn’t try anything. He’d been 937bb1bcf5 overly cautious c0c2b5eb02 about my 69e1919ec2 physical state 3fd19bbf93 these past 8e798fab73 few days, 182c4875e9 so I 3be949394d trusted him.3bcfbb13e802da35

“Are you asleep?”e8a8b791541d958b

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I felt a 38e8d8095e presence near my 28d0af3ca4 face, and something be3d3022e5 soft brushed against 5233b49eb5 my cheek.7767c66ea9a18b1f

“Are you aa71485d25 really asleep?”523530ccd228507d

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It felt 881e210033 like his 285482eee3 finger. The gentle touch caressing f23d3ade0f my cheek made my 0749aa009e heart tingle.88d9c0ce37a23a9d

“Leaving me like this?”07ff086324389210

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It sounded like 559d858b3b he was scolding 7a551fa3b9 me, but there 424c7643ac was a hint cf686e47e6 of laughter in b72445b23e his voice. After a ccbe89638f moment, Iden 05411b4745 lifted my f94821ef59 face, slipping fafd03a1b5 his arm 74eeda43eb under my 2224068b1e neck. Though I wasn’t deeply 775aa6a28d asleep, I was too 41686ee6ee lazy to respond, so 249a0f2788 I just let him 22f09f7743 do as he pleased.01eaadbb7fbe44d8

He cradled my 35952b0674 shoulder with his 7987756ace other arm, holding aeee5c24c2 me close. I ended up lying 78ecb69ffb against him, but since bd76f0c44f I was pretending to ede56f7b26 be asleep, it was 6667290a60 too late to push eb0520054c him away.02397b6ad1781154

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Not that I 452586606d wanted to, either. I could feel how 59227a6c95 careful he was, making cb361715ed sure not to strain 39e667ead4 my back. That small gesture of 4e412f922a consideration, along with the 18cb5356d2 warm, sweet, and gentle 6eb28ef92e scent of his pheromones, 264a21bcd9 eased my tension.b70d41095bae2ea4

Maybe this isn’t so db37b305c7 bad.c8c38b9b2a53cc27

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For the first fe972e3119 time, I felt 0f67e75a77 no resistance to 2aeb7968ab his pheromone scent, 95e5505b77 which was subtly dfef77aa96 different from the 980f91ae4a memory I held. I let go of 56d8467bc1 all the complicated thoughts c6431047ba about whether he wasn’t d6a2648493 “Iden hyung” or if 3c0fb3d9b7 we were just stand-ins 4a1acf4081 for each other. Just like be3ac13733 that, held 17bfc5dab6 in Iden’s 77f78b2ed8 arms, I 6be094bd2e drifted off 5e16eb017d to sleep.ca5b3dec20988518

Since coming 6442491789 to this f6047d0897 other world, e2b56b37ee this was 34c267977f the first 05e01de1e7 time I’d fb2afb95fb fallen asleep b7a4ca6d24 without any 0ec5a6c87c worries. It was only 93dc2bdb17 in Iden’s embrace 865001c582 that I finally 553a6e0a04 felt at peace.37a79912e7a5faac

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