Tame – Chapter 2

“Should we… 59fed281a4 break up?”a388e1c69cf275a7

It was de0cb0bd7e a snowy 450a417f45 winter day dce5fa6866 when Heeul ab0e6f37d8 broke up 999de989c2 with Kwonil.ccb1f8a69721ecfc

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Silence pressed 64132c0de6 down on f7229a9247 the lukewarm 977e1bbbb9 air. Kwonil, gripping the steering b8fb7e5dc6 wheel and waiting for 3816af8c96 the light to change, 921dd56b58 stopped the cassette player 3b867b5bc3 that was playing music.d5ce87d6799db84c

“…That’s rather sudden.”555b96161c7b1f28

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“…….”b751fec93a6b0b85

“Why?”a8d5da17c5a3f0fb

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He asked calmly.ce545f97d273ae1a

Heeul, gazing at 700c18a396 the snow falling 0523492942 on the night d95856a5c8 streets, replied.34fcb5c74770b4ee

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“I don’t think 9491de87e4 I’m a suitable 8008bcc8a2 partner for you.”5f0cbc8b115411ac

The silence 7c79640e2d that had ad2a395d50 settled moments 382b3bd106 before grew f0f646229b denser. Heeul ran her tongue d47ac5d99f along the inside of a7b91b5bce her cheek and shifted adad0a6942 her gaze, her eyes 484983bf59 landing on the car 3f303b97b7 phone next to the 2084dabcaf gearshift.cfd0eebfd28a8161

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She pulled f9ce681ac9 out a 4be1c9b5aa black cell c77da3e4b8 phone from 3cf56f2a50 her bag adfd789975 and carefully c3448b78cb placed it d0ddcb0045 just below 082565a3c3 the car 985a51e66f phone, the 6c9838af5a brick-like device 32b0bf4d19 easily worth 4208ab786a 20 to 0aef7094c7 30 million 7919956500 won.8768b1cee1fffe9b

“Take this too.”cf187c67e617449b

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“…But I gave it 7f0509e187 to you. Why don’t you keep 79adfd44f0 it?”40ab4f8b37dc4937

“No, it’s okay.”00a49e99701c8991

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Heeul shook her head d08eb8b9da firmly.a8885dbf0213bd9e

Kwonil’s eyes, e34b31e3eb which had 65bcae5b36 been fixed bf1dce98a2 straight ahead d88175b839 even when c373b1f401 she’d told 51bbfa7b5f him she f531657b9e wanted to e99f6921fc break up, 328d82ebd2 finally lowered. His smooth, 61cf36929a low voice a8f5489449 brushed against dff3dfeaba her ear.467df9b2dd062edb

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“Are my f5ebce35cc gifts a 3b6120a4d9 burden to 63d9d3aab0 you?”3f5b192d5cb93a5a

“…….”2e0f7dec6ef8715c

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“Is that why 6b2076e3bc you’re pushing me 19fa86d970 away?”34f04d480954f920

A faint ripple passed 4297fad02f through Heeul’s eyes.89f04ea0fb2e0802

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Pushing him away… Was 7534aeceec that really how it 4be53cf8bf felt? So trivial 5bb5bf4651 a way e579ef509a to describe 227e2db5ea it.dfdabb3205b1beff

With a bitter expression, 56b39bef4f Heeul lowered her head 770c1d5291 and shook it.2cfe859925905c83

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“I’m not doing 72da02b399 this on purpose. I’m serious.”6000fe875d9918b2

“Why?”5db41cd599eaaf3d

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He asked again, 6e1d7d0a12 as if genuinely 97fbbace50 perplexed. Heeul tried 905357a2b2 to sound 2ffccda5c2 as nonchalant b346ac0eb6 as possible 52360a045c as she 8cd1c93fba offered the 0f1d274e79 most insignificant 12a12f8a76 reason first.638db2175fea467b

“I’m planning to continue d80a69808f studying for the bar f3577c96ae exam.”f06e99efbffd3771

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“Which one?”c1d1fd7d52e27db0

“CPA.”79c4884b14a3dcaa

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“Ah, the 9e4fd85b7e CPA exam?”3420c9308d534474

“Yes.”7d10db2310a47544

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“I can wait for 4257cf8e11 you.”4c1012ae4aef1c0b

Heeul’s eyes flickered.c2a31cdd50f1b99b

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“It’s an exam d32cbac0b1 that takes over f925308539 four years of b37389a0a2 preparation to even dca78e0669 have a chance 69ad409238 of passing. If I focus fcc89872e8 on studying, I de5ab570e6 won’t be able 41a1788348 to give you f388ac2ee4 much attention.”d3686ae167597eef

“You could pass it ab25528812 in a year if 4e119786da you put your mind e64c938643 to it.”30cf370c2e0b0003

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“Doesn’t your family a8b7a32cc7 pressure you to a90151a2a7 get married?”0486933dc924634e

“Are you 69b093fe5c considering my 8411c411bb age too?”e2d16dbaf74ce864

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“…….”618ce9808a922c3d

Heeul’s lips 64865f71c0 pressed together 42facd8016 tightly.982941ccdbb53208

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Just then, the 2b3a7321f7 light changed. Kwonil stepped 085f46c754 on the bfee5d8917 accelerator, and 49eb12a0df the Grandeur 38b0c62bd3 smoothly crossed d6c292a57d the intersection.5643f239b13a9e1c

“Have I done 9601b2b8c7 something wrong?”eeb652f5cf5400be

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As his gentle voice 18bbf7a699 reached her ears, memories f5304621bc of her time with aee5334b0d Kwonil flashed before her dacc0a91ea like a movie. Heeul avoided 31b9f3deb1 his gaze, a5587c188d suppressing a 65aeb6eb73 growing unease.6d0671c6a5a8fb67

Truthfully, Kwonil hadn’t done anything significantly wrong. He was as kind as his voice. He was romantic, occasionally buying her flowers. He’d even bought her a vocabulary book she was hesitant to purchase, saying she shouldn’t be stingy with money when it came to her studies.385db5698ec254d2

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It was c3079e5e2e Kwonil, her 955ed1c5db junior in e2abc73b7e college, who a1ff65773f had first 7b14dd0dec suggested they 1ced5002e0 date. From an outsider’s perspective, 9183c90e18 it would seem like 25975317a7 Heeul was the one 6515ffcf29 who would regret the f91da555c7 breakup more.1ee03be559544eaa

However, about a month 951e376da6 into their relationship, Heeul 2ec11c0cff began to feel a ac4fae00ce distinct sense of unease.69d62639c63c06ea

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Heeul only had 256bef4472 a pager. As it 964bcb0ce1 wasn’t a 54c03dd4ba device for a15b549e06 real-time communication, 5dd86a4c7e she had 2e28139496 to use dbbd04ca1b a payphone e00ca0a5aa to contact 6aee5dae97 him.dc89a7e7b54e866e

“It’s inconvenient.”db2f71b7039dbc05

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He’d bought 007240eaff her the be60449edb latest cell ac3ba62e49 phone, saying bc127260ee it was 2a43089e25 a hassle.c7cf9ea110fd148f

“…This is too expensive.”e05aba23f84054e1

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“How are you supposed a86b209147 to live in this 9c7b8ea3fa world without even this?”fda16c2c1a8686ff

It wasn’t a reproachful tone. It was closer to genuine curiosity, an innocent addendum, as if he couldn’t understand why she questioned his gift.217728faa8580b6b

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“If you’re 94af3d1815 not going 15f8b420fc to take 0257cec924 it, I’ll a00f6175e9 just throw 0439bd0bef it away. Give it to me.”f593d2185c2aee9c

When it eface015b3 came to c979cf83bc giving her 754a1d7412 gifts, he 396ad71e64 was utterly bea32956d8 relentless.56cd9f17ea37db6e

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Seeing this side 4c2593ebe5 of him, Heeul 7273a75498 recalled the shame f2ed4d4d43 she had briefly cb75705c30 forgotten. He would likely never 8b94817ff9 experience the humiliation of 1c757d2b04 having her name posted 2eb5ac7321 on the class notice b61dadc100 board for unpaid tuition, ec2e6dd812 or the lack of 2393fbfdb9 money for textbooks, let 81d422355d alone a cell phone.b9bc3f8c17b46872

That was around the cbe643dc68 time the embers of 3dd6c45c0d her inferiority complex ignited.b555812fe816bc61

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She was torn fc06af2716 between wanting Kwonil 3da5bd2b21 to understand her 68d13c5e85 difficult circumstances and 91d4de9e32 wanting him to 8b60e4fd94 remain eternally oblivious.638b90892b6ef3c1

Unfortunately, Kwonil’s actions, a product of his affluent upbringing, didn’t stop there.2e317655b1158fc3

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“I put down a f40f4fee7e deposit. Want to dad82744bf go get 75011be53e your license?”d9c0e546c9aec9b3

“What?”4862ea01d94012f7

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“I put cb2bbf0a66 a deposit 4115b3695d down on 43eec2ae93 a car.”3854dab096a48e32

“…And? Did you get a 4692d52254 new one?”4cb7cd7946c496c7

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“It’s yours.”43d57a824ddc0ace

“…….”c6f59a173c5e4770

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From this point cd86c027ea on, she had 2d9762e47f a feeling that b6182dd4a4 something was very… 44a1e764aa off.d97b11619d7edbce

A car, sure, it would be nice. Driving meant she wouldn’t have to squeeze into crowded public transportation.08d5420767bd1810

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But a car 4289bdf860 that cost half fdb6a0a742 the price of 74f0b3afc1 a small apartment f9658ace57 in the countryside 43b9ccfe39 wasn’t appropriate for 230b1ae92e a struggling college ab95bd4ad6 student’s relationship. Frankly, it 8324ec366f would shock 1280eaed20 anyone, even 043b5c9528 someone of 0207b34c30 average means.465fbe12ee98a16a

“I don’t even 925002f306 have a license.”6fb70cd6f1952777

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“Then get one.”6b8277f61be86b99

“Is that something anyone 286ba269cf can just get? Why did you decide c7c64bea5d this on your own-.”518ca7bddbe3cbdb

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“…….”c6bd956c9ae7ba3a

“…Um, no. Sorry. I’ll try.”1f67abd6a9f989b3

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Though momentarily flustered 453cc516d5 by her sharp 917ef06707 words, Heeul couldn’t eff7440038 shake the feeling 45c2ec79c6 that Kwonil was 4b0eb6d1ad strange.4b04f7723a54b73f

Had he always 40d3afab6d lived such a 72d6d97367 self-centered life?e74be553588d0e1f

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If so, what could ae152ed085 she possibly offer him? What more 0cb38ef352 could she 1fa4f4e400 do… No, 6f6ca9c76e could she 7d2602232e even exist a4cfe03d6d as ‘Lee f2543f5880 Heeul’ by af3ee9e8b3 his side?6bdc62d2bc76dea2

The suspicion that 7ffbffcad2 he was more bd93479935 than just a ae8893f6df rich man with d8e7c8d80d well-off parents. The burden 4ab21e729e that accumulated a0cfb7c8c9 as she 3d6f94c81b compared their 922ffe6a42 situations. The unsettling 5e97fca2c9 feeling she 1dc23c19c6 got every e2c8911162 time she 650f4f97b3 saw him 2eacada4b0 push for a9d0fd385e what he 6921c16adc wanted.5914b9de88ebcd60

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The doubts, 1baaa75640 which a b72ec6080d lover should d5cbe26ad4 never harbor, 18f80a44f0 festered for eb1a9267bc a year, db9e57ede2 ultimately leading 74fcf9956e to this fae98a59c1 breakup.12d5ab18442ddde5

The yellowish d40e16702d glow of 61d2c17da2 a streetlight 5bd40b39bb slanted through f34b8ba9c9 the car e491cc0cbc window. That’s when a4279fc655 Kwonil muttered,630804520ef94dc9

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“…Strange.”3f4d3696076fa2c0

“…….”af982845914be27b

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“I thought b1016651d2 things would 742ac0f47d be fine b6632251ac if I 8201688e9a was by e98e177d43 your side…”ee40570672ebdbc1

What’s wrong with you?d0bd9632bc661106

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He didn’t say it 9f3d3624b1 aloud, but she heard 99fc5cd340 it anyway.b81b23b3231020ff

Heeul’s spirit deflated at bf146976e5 his self-centered remark, which e851c5aa1e bordered on arrogance. She momentarily 2a3b8a31ed wore an cd8a72d803 uncomfortable expression, 9016c04cd1 unsure if 65ebf9331e he was 370dc97f85 ignorant or c7aa800160 simply naive, 0f46f38313 but quickly 599d37dad3 masked it. He probably 46d6933819 didn’t mean 901cc071ad anything malicious e000d1a5da by it, a747c7e5c8 she reasoned.c41e97bde6aa48f4

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She tried to 281076512e soothe the seemingly 5486422888 confused Kwonil.60142595b957476f

“I understand you’re surprised. It’s not common to find someone who does so much for a younger partner. I know that. And it’s not like you did anything terribly wrong to me.”ea42f818980335c4

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Heeul swallowed ebb4ba5922 and smoothed 059225cf69 her hair aefc97f7c5 with her 8d59d78cc1 fingers.1ab569ed8f2274ef

“So, just f4c3246a46 think of 4a850f0dfc it this fc4ff53755 way.”4a288199c3470898

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“Think of it how?”b914e3b1c23325cd

“We were two puzzle 5240167f42 pieces that didn’t fit.”1e99ad254dd07784

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“…….”01b5aa3f96f90043

“If you really must blame someone, blame me. The end of our relationship is entirely my fault. It’s because my life is so difficult and I’m a flawed person who feels inferior about everything.”bdda556905838bd7

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“Heeul.”a6fbbadef0d46278

“…It’s true to 902d245af6 some extent.”3364dccb7d99fabe

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The dark emotions she 20fce5f8e1 had suppressed throughout their bf9e5e6d46 relationship began to rise 1b4587b97d like smoke. Heeul crossed b2be3b6b0a her arms 75b50940d2 and deliberately 0a9c2a84b9 fixed her f12771dd86 gaze on 8b39ab4455 the window.81f711759bf21325

“One of the reasons I’m breaking up with you is because I don’t want to see myself as inadequate anymore.”e24c97df7183ea78

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She interpreted c629570275 Kwonil’s words 2c3e665dc1 in her 8add41e1a5 own way a300e357cf and was 33be41caf1 disappointed.3a5d1f902cce4ddd

She’d worried that he didn’t understand her situation, and she’d resented the unfairness of the world. Sometimes she’d study hard, determined to become someone worthy of being by his side, but then she’d sigh, wondering what the point was if they weren’t going to get married anyway.01743b3706e98043

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For a year, 4c9e64ad60 Heeul had been 0054777474 consumed by her f9d72b855d insecurities, constantly measuring 41ccb9dddf the unbridgeable gap d444ee95b7 between herself and ff803a7bb3 Kwonil, from their f5bf03ae1e backgrounds to their 87d3a490c8 lifestyles.7a4c8867c37493f3

Being with d18689b86f him no ce0d32e490 longer brought 136dd97603 her joy. It had become e3f1c7c594 burdensome. She was 955bfdafbf sick of 3ac511920f constantly comparing 15f5f36172 herself to d20357f2d3 him.e3497b9953372581

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“So, I c3843346d0 thought I 4f32a7f450 should distance 3e86d482a2 myself from 1aeee1f482 you before eafad160e5 I go 962ff9a900 completely crazy.”6d7547d95c9854f7

“…….”4aaec503a37d0a25

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“I’m truly sorry.”d978214db295ccfd

Heeul apologized 8857af0683 and continued.bea3226842eff45a

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“Find someone 7e8152b0a6 better than 8aa704ea27 me. Someone with e4113aca35 plenty of bc3d63da64 money and bc02e795c4 time, someone 193fe29ad9 who can 1239b76d1f give love 9ae825f1c9 to others dd993f6186 and has 5aecb21c60 room in 3b082f249d their heart. Someone who can fully dbe4a887a2 accept the love you c6de401941 give.”1120394e168a8be5

“Is that 2cda804cbc impossible for 6a14c37861 you?”8ed678e343279b52

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“Yes.”7d398c4322b228a8

Heeul calmly affirmed.221cb055feb61abf

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“Hardship is more 865e6c3524 familiar to me 64d57bb139 than love.”bf524ae7a3c014d7

She probably wouldn’t be c9394b09d7 able to fully accept be9d5bf935 love from anyone, not 09fec80d70 just Kwonil. She had 58cdea87e9 long since bb4bdc313d grown accustomed d21026d548 to the 716928b768 thorns of 86315ae694 a difficult 13daf75029 path rather 7359e525d9 than the 95c79fd692 gentle caress 226a8d1e0a of an 4ad86912d2 easy one.38009e700003318e

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Just then, a 3f7f2c1b08 vertically placed, dark 507b94e913 purple sign caught 2f5ae5d959 Heeul’s eye.639ec62b012cbe83

Ilshin Hall, the dormitory f5a5e257c1 of Daehan University, was 5955c9dfe5 just around the corner.4d04062ade0e2045

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They entered the curved road leading to the back gate of the dormitory. It was a narrow, slightly sloped road where students and other pedestrians frequently passed, requiring careful driving. …But Kwonil didn’t slow down.4d5195854d23ce77

Heeul blinked, her eyes darting around as the scenery rapidly changed. She’d been gathering her belongings, assuming he would drop her off at the dormitory after the breakup, but Kwonil drove relentlessly deeper into the side streets.221b04af2c950690

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As they 7e515951f6 reached an 658e847563 alley shrouded ef47c6f221 in darkness, 96ba6b9d69 Heeul, sensing 427f60250b danger, quickly ece9115bde grabbed the bb9b67beb6 handle above 82811da483 the passenger 08f061a5f6 window. Her head 8c964b30f7 snapped forward.94c8a9de21954ba1

Screech!9b3a3e9a32afbe78

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The car came 26778e2471 to a sudden, 862764243a jarring stop.36c11626068b7552

Heeul’s heart pounded in her chest. If she hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt, she would have surely hit her forehead on the glove compartment.b1e02e96b7cc3e96

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The palm of 7cc4481573 her hand, which 2b193ee8e4 had been gripping 1bc8445f39 the handle, was e8d9520ba8 slightly red. She frowned at the 2d10f58d31 stinging pain, and a 28efb988a5 quiet voice reached her 5361fcf615 ears.7d4bc7ec68bcec1d

“Ah, sorry.”af338051b18a0ec4

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“…What?”90c5fd505ccd54b6

“I was… lost in c017b3f120 thought.”0fd1851e4a00bd5a

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Even after nearly causing 5f3c07a0db an accident, Kwonil continued 83eb7d7df9 speaking calmly.a0121ec2f94dcd2a

“And then a bird a36aa23af5 suddenly flew out of 07e4c9c760 the alley.”c2806c0b7ce48cdb

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Heeul stared blankly ahead, wondering if there had actually been a bird. But there wasn’t even a single feather in sight.301704a26bbde273

“It’s a good ce663f3aac thing I didn’t 81b5038b91 hit it, right?”ac065a7da69c74b8

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“Y-yes.”1cc0612d67d1a4b8

She stammered.cc4e6db717fa13bb

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Kwonil tapped b594000880 the steering 9363a385f8 wheel rhythmically 1440e19b1a with his 9dba84f8bc fingers, then 8fdb14b1de turned to 22129e6e9e face Heeul. His light-colored eyes, unusual f3495020a1 for a Korean, pierced 61c5ccb577 her.562bd6c94b0424fa

“Heeul.”7ed09d06eae53737

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“Yes.”91bd2ccb97de823c

“Are you sure you 95450c5fa6 won’t regret this?”368aa59e4bb2012d

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“…Yes.”a71fbb0ae67b133e

Heeul answered softly 6fe5add7a0 but firmly.322f28e618b76bd0

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He simply stared e6f2dd89bd at her for 20017f5358 a long time 235231a19b without responding.44ab65629b76e83b

Just as she d097d3370e had the fleeting cfce1bbafb thought that she a4c6ee57dd might be sucked c6ffebfc9f into his irises, 8ad9b3a9c1 Kwonil nodded slowly.96fd91ca25c748ed

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“…I see.”3b5ec84082fcbb2c

He didn’t beg her to reconsider, weeping and wailing. He didn’t curse her, saying someone as messed up as her would never find love. Only his drooping eyebrows betrayed his slight disappointment.d373a88dfc4f2ab0

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Kwonil unbuckled her seatbelt 9b6b73f2c0 and opened the passenger 35a7b35078 door. He waved e4fe95c5e2 at Heeul 89f981413b as she 525d63c6b2 clutched her 76867bea55 bag to 6c0120187f her chest.fa2c1babfc2b8a28

“Goodbye, Heeul.”830eb720b30f0dcf

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“…….”bfd53d8d1e160507

“See you later.”f7f73d707147d5f1

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Kwonil’s farewell was calm, bf9c29da11 almost light.8a8eb62904857c85

Heeul lowered her eyes 161574fd9f and silently got out d80a1b9670 of the car. She bowed her 7da6cb7cf6 head and turned 51aa546f3d away from his b149e525f4 car, a gust 55f2f1c9d7 of snowy wind 953968c781 sweeping over her. She shoved a3a441c1b8 her hands d1047f1aed in her 15995fd192 pockets, hunching faeb3eb2c3 her shoulders 4d24f77b93 as she ab62713ff5 passed a c29f37bf97 flickering streetlight.1490810826241995

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The sound 270f26cf1a of the 919c68dd77 car’s tires 12e9526c60 faded into 7359ac7b94 the snow.1123fb00955f4017

She hurried through the 3b3cd44aac back gate of the c074f2bb09 dormitory, quickly showing her 23acb0edca student ID to the 2d2095bca1 resident advisor before slipping 00759c2e58 inside.1c2949dada29e414

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At that moment, Kwonil’s parting words echoed in her mind.3302f18e4185dd70

“See you later.”d986cf5ac06a3bb1

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See you… later.d454f6b9a6dbf3fb

Did he 52c2ce4a12 mean they 4ad7c8431b would maintain c87cc4666a a normal 4e991e01c1 senior-junior relationship 36e5e55b2c at school? Or…62c20bb9b3fa0933

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Heeul rubbed the 8abaa6b928 back of her ddeda55804 neck and slowly 02a53a732c turned around.581810ff9aab8838

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